Californication

I went back and looked because you never know what they’reexposed to on the Internet and it was on my computer and I saw ‘bears’and it gives you like 10 options or whatever. On the fourth or fifthoption was a gay magazine ’cause a bear is a very hairy gay man…Icould not rack my brain around the idea of my daughter — she probablydidn’t — I could only hope she didn’t open up her fifth open, whichwas to look at these hairy men and what she thought, you know, ‘Whatkind of bear is that?’

As for Miller, no such issues with the World Wide Web justyet. The only thing he’s concerned with nowadays is money, David, 47,says.

He’s a miser. I’m half-Jewish and half-Scottish, so he hadno shot with the money, so he just hoards. He’s got all these dollarbills and puts it in a lunch box. He’s got $170 and he wants an iPod,but he doesn’t want to pay for it — he wants us to buy it.

I said, ‘You have enough money, buy yourself an iPod.’ Andhe’s like, ‘No, ’cause then I won’t have any money left.’ So I said, ‘Howmuch money are you gonna save?’ ‘I’m gonna get a million dollars.’ ‘Andthen what are you gonna do?’ He said, ‘Spend a dollar.’

Miller might want to work on his math first before spending his dough.

Hereally wants a $100 bill, so I said, ‘I’ll give you a $100 bill for $100of yours — a couple twentys.’ And he said, ‘No, no, then you’re takingmy money.’ And I said, ‘No, it’s an exchange. It’s the same thing.You’re not losing any.’ And he said, ‘No, no. You can’t take my money.’So I said, ‘Okay, I’ll give you $100 for $90,’ which is a good deal. Sonow I think he’s kind of a dumb miser.

Miller Duchovny

My son saw the picture of the woman and he said, ‘She’s coming here todinner?’ And Téa [Leoni] said ‘Yeah.’ And Miller said, ‘Are my big boy pantsclean?’ His big boy pants are his jeans.

David, 47, also told another Miller tale reminiscent of Téa’s accounton Late Night with Conan O’Brien in June, in which Miller reveals hisdefinition of "hot" — "you’re sexy and that your vagina looks good / you have a pretty vagina."This time, he said the same thing to his nanny.

I came down for breakfast and it was perfect timing as if it wasscripted. I just hear Téa say to him, ‘You better ask your fatherthat.’ And he said,’When I think about girls, I get a funny feeling in my peeny.’ And Isaid,’That sounds about right, man.’

David and Téa, 41, also have a daughter, Madeleine West, 8.

The kids actually did beautiful self portraits and they framed them. They had drawn these great pastels, and they gave them to David very, very early on Sunday morning. He didn’t get to sleep in.

My daughter doesn’t quite think it’s worth it. It’s troublesome to her. ‘What do you mean you’re going to work? You’re going to go make a movie? That’s not work!’ She’s just starting to become aware of it. But my son has found The X-Files. We don’t let him see any of The X-Files all the way through, but we have this pinball machine that is an X-Files pinball machine. That’s what my son thinks David does for a living. That he makes pinball machines for the X-Files. So he sits there and he plays it. He’s like ‘Isn’t this a great game? Wait, I can’t talk ’cause my dad, he’s being chased by that guy, and there’s the oil guy…’ It’s very funny.

Téa Leoni

For his fifth , you think you can go out and get himsome Legos or something, but nothing can compete with his newfound toy,which is his penis. I don’t see him ever giving this up. He startedsort of pulling and tugging a year ago, but it’s really interesting.He’s sort of discovered that it can do tricks. Not that long ago, wewere getting ready for bed and the kids were in the bathroom and mydaughter [Madeleine West, 8] looks over at my son and says, ‘What isthat?!’ And Miller is sporting this adorable little woody and bless hisheart, Miller looks down and goes, ‘I do not know.’ I just said, ‘Goask your father [David Duchovny] cause he has one and you guys can -oh, just go.’ It’s weird.

Téa, who thinks someone with an older sibling at Miller’sschool is feeding him the information, says she and David field otherquestions too.

He’s very interested in sex at an early age, butvery innocently. He asked us recently did we know what ‘hot’ means. And Isaid, ‘Do you mean like hot when you must take off your sweater?’ Andhe goes, ‘No.’ And I said, ‘Oh God, what does ‘hot’ mean?’ And he said,’It means you’re sexy and you have a pretty vagina.’ And this was alittle shocking, but the best part is when he wants to tell you hisidea of making out. He said that making out was – you have to get thepronouns on this – when you put your penis in your vagina.

Photo by Bret Thompsett for Pacific Coast News.

Myson recently went to my wife [Téa Leoni] and told her that he wants to be Chinese.My wife said, ‘That’s a nice ambition, but it won’t happen.’

Source: Contact Music

Do your kids have any interesting ambitions?

David Duchovny

I said, ‘We’re gonna do all these things and then we’re gonna go tothe Empire State Building and he’s like, ‘No! No!’ I said, ‘No it’scool. It’s a very tall building. It’s not scary…So we’re going through our day and every stophe’s saying, ‘No, no, no!’ In his mind he’s not enjoying anything. We’reeating chocolate at that place I can’t remember so I don’t get a freeone. And then we go FAO Schwartz for the big teddy bears and finallywe’re on our way to the Empire State Building and I said, ‘Look, we’regoing to the tall building, it’s gonna be good.’ And he’s just holdinghis seat like this (clenches his hands) and he goes, ‘I do not want to go to the Vampire State Building!’ And I said, ‘I get it now. Because I don’t want to go thereeither.’

Asked about why he and Téa Leoni call Miller and Madelaine West, almost 8, by their middle names – which is a tradition in Tea’s family – David responds,

That’s a thing my wife decided. I don’t know. Why isn’t their middlename their first name? I don’t know. You’re gonna have to ask her thenext time she’s on. It’s a mystery to me. I just said, ‘Yes.’

Their middle names carry special meaning though.

Miller’s my mother’s maiden name and West is a family name from Téa’s family.

We decided over spring break cause they’re staying up a little laterthat they could watch American Idol, you know cause…I don’t know why we let themwatch it. And it’s a singing competition, and so my daughter is into it,kinda judging and thinking who’s good.

As for Miller, at first he wasn’t a fan of the show or any contestant at all, which David knew from his seating on the couch or lack thereof.

If there’s a show on that he’s not interested in, he’ll put hishead [in the couch] and put his ass up so his ass is towards the screen andthat’s pretty much when you know he’s into it or not. And all of a suddenthere’s this contestant named Haley Scarnato and she’s very attractivewith long legs and all of a sudden, she caught Miller’s eye and he justturned around, he put his ass in the chair and he looked at her and hesaid, ‘I think I know her!’ And then he said, ‘She’s a really goodsinger!’ It was like America has voted.

Haley isn’t the only woman on Miller’s mind though. David says Miller "wants to marry my wife, which I think is normal at this age." West, though, has other creatures in her sights.

My daughter wants to marry a lion or a monkey. How does that make me feel?

Asked how different he thinks an 8-year-old’s perspective is from a nearly 5-year-old’s, David says,

It’s difficult because I think at every age you start to mastersomething that frustrated you a year or two ago and yet you lookforward to other activities that are frustrating because you can’tmaster them yet. So I think it’s always a mixture of just bliss andfrustration…much like your job.

On a more serious note, David says he thinks it’s every parent’s hope to protect their children from all the bad things in life, although he realizes he can’t always do that.

I think parents just want to keep their children from pain and allthat frustration of growth and it’s hard. You gotta let them do it. Iwas watching this show on John Wooden, the UCLA coach, and he said theworst thing we could do for our loved ones is to do the things theyshould and could do themselves.

The X-Files

My son and I play The X-Files pinball game machine. I brought it out of storage recently because I thought my kids are old enough to play it. I guess it’s Hollywood to have your own pinball machine. He’s never seen the show though, and he won’t until he’s a good deal older.

David and Téa Leoni also have a daughter, Madelaine West, who will turn 8 on April 24th.

Source: Starpulse

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