Matt Dallas on Adopting Son Crow as a Same Sex Couple: ‘I Was Pretty Set on Using a Surrogate’
Matt Dallas and Blue Hamilton are opening up about their adoption story, starting with how they arrived at the place where they both knew they were ready for parenthood.
“There were so many things we were juggling that I was just really worried about it not being the right time,” says the 33-year-old Kyle XY star in a video posted to the couple’s YouTube channel about the experience in adopting their son Crow this past December.
For Hamilton, 36, his biggest concern was financial stability and being able to provide enriching experiences for their child — but he came to the realization that it will never be the “perfect” time.
” ‘I want to take our kid to Disneyland,’ and ‘I want to take our kid to New York,’ and ‘I want to take our kid to New Orleans,’ ” the musician recounts of the goals he had in mind before adopting Crow, who’s now 2½. “I [eventually] realized that you’ll just continue working for that, so the only way to do it … if you want a family, you just gotta do it.”
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The Arizona-based couple, who just celebrated their first wedding anniversary, also talk about how their decision changed from wanting to have their own child biologically via surrogate to embracing the idea of adoption.
For Dallas specifically, he was attached to the idea of looking at his child and seeing his family’s physical representation — but that changed once he and Hamilton spoke more in depth about the option they eventually settled on.
“I was pretty set on using a surrogate and having my own kid because it was always a dream of mine to be able to have a kid and look into a child’s eyes and see a piece of myself,” Dallas admits. “Initially, I was a little bit more hesitant to adopt.”
He continues, addressing Hamilton, “[But] the more I spoke to you about it … the more I realized that it didn’t matter, and that even if we adopt now, it doesn’t mean that, in the future, I can never have my own [biological] kid.”
“I guess you have a few more years,” Hamilton jokes to him.
“What are you talking about? We’re men, we can have babies until we’re 90,” Dallas teases back.
In all seriousness, Hamilton understands the desire to want to pass on genes, as he felt that way initially too. But the older he has gotten, the more he can see that, for him, that desire was “selfish.”
“What I really wanted was a child to raise and love and put into the world — to unleash him to go do good,” he says.
Dallas and Hamilton learned a lot from their adoption certification class, even though it sounded “daunting and overwhelming” at first. In fact, it helped Dallas feel a lot more prepared for parenthood, although he admits he felt like he and Hamilton would’ve made good fathers without it too since they’re both naturally very nurturing.
“I felt much more prepared for a lot of situations that I hadn’t necessarily thought through — like, the reality of what it meant to have a kid, and what to do in certain emergency situations,” he says. “What to react to and what not to overreact to. Overall, I felt a lot more confident that I would be able to handle any situation that was thrown at me.”
“Until we got the call that we were getting a kid the next day,” Hamilton jokes. “Then all that goes out the window and you start panicking.”
But that panic was short-lived as soon as they laid eyes on their son for the first time.
“He looks up at us, and he just gets this big smile,” says proud dad Hamilton, who adds that Crow — who was only in a diaper because it was so hot outside — put his arms out and hugged him tightly the minute Hamilton went to pick him up.
“The second we [saw him] and he just burst into that giant smile … immediately, we had fallen in love with this kid,” says Dallas.
— Jen Juneau