Tatyana Ali’s Blog: The Magical Mystery of Keeping Baby’s Sex a Secret

05/18/2016 at 12:30 PM ET

Please welcome our newest celebrity blogger, Tatyana Ali!

Best known for playing Ashley Banks on the hit ’90s TV show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, the actress and R&B singer, 37, also has multiple films, including Second Sight and Samaria, being released this year. Her latest EP, 2014’s Hello, is available on iTunes.

Ali is currently expecting her first child with fiancé Vaughn Rasberry, whom she met on eHarmony and became engaged to in March. The twosome will tie the knot in late summer.

You can follow Ali on Facebook, as well as Instagram and Twitter @TatyanaAli.

Tatyana Ali pregnancy blog
Yero Brown

When I am still, I feel my baby. When I close my eyes, I get dreamy glimpses. Vaughn and I cannot wait to find out who this precious person is. I am saturated with queries about personality, style and essence.

And I am amazed by the love I am swimming in. I did not know the depths of my own capacity to feel. This child inside me is elbowing and kicking and moving up against a perimeter that, up until this point, I had never ventured deep enough to know.

We have chosen to keep the sex of our child a surprise. The only person who knows is our doctor. Friends and family have so much to say about our choice, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. It is so much fun to have people guessing and betting when they are around us.

We’ve heard that a high belly means a boy and a wide belly means a girl, and just after that has been announced to the group someone else will chime in and give information that completely dispels that logic. “No,” they’ll say, their “grandmother always said that it was the other way around.”

My future #lovehim

A photo posted by Tatyana Ali (@tatyanaali) on

I’ve heard that another fun way to guess is by the linea negra — the darkened line in the center of the belly that women get during pregnancy. We’ve been told that if it goes from the breasts all the way down to the pubic bone it is a boy, and if it only appears from the belly button to the pubic bone, then we’re having a baby girl.

For those closest to us, I believe our choice has made it difficult to buy all of those adorable baby clothes and toys we all love. I keep saying that there are beautiful gender-neutral baby clothes and colors like yellows and grays and turquoise, but it’s no use. Everyone close to us wants to know.

I think it’s because they want to dream with some measure of accuracy. But, dreaming clearly is like trying to catch a slippery silver fish in a fast moving river — it’s pretty impossible … unless you’re a bear.

RELATED: Tatyana Ali Is Engaged – and Expecting!

Tatyana Ali pregnancy blog
Brent Weber

With pregnancy has come a new reality. It happens when I focus on what’s happening inside of me. I slip into a dreamland when I am able to escape the hustle of the outside world and I am finally able to give attention to this baby inside of me. It is my favorite time of the day. I sit or lay, sometimes Vaughn lays his head on my belly and we dream. I revel in the uncertainty because I know that it means limitlessness. Besides being healthy, which we are so thankful for, we know nothing. For us that means that anything is possible!

Neither Vaughn nor I want to fool ourselves into thinking that we know who our little angel is. If we knew the sex, we might decide things about our baby’s future that we have no right to decide — that our little boy will love athletics like his father, or our little girl should be sent to dance school like I was when I was young. We may unwittingly predetermine a course for our child that is ridiculous or just plain wrong.

We want the full adventure and wonder of dreaming without knowing. Who will the baby look like or what will make him/her laugh? Will we have a silly, giggly baby or a more serious and thoughtful one? Will our child love music or be more fascinated by colors? Will he/she like sweets or savories? Maybe sour-tasting things will tickle him/her. Maybe she’s a rough and tumble athlete, maybe he’s a sensitive and prolific artist.

For us, the joy of parenting will be to discover who we have been given the privilege to care for, protect, nurture and guide. We’ll wait for our baby to show us who they are, starting on their birth day. Until then, we’re happy to live in the fertile soil of dreamland, where anything is possible.

— Tatyana Ali

Share this story:

Your reaction:

Add A Comment

PEOPLE.com reserves the right to remove comments at their discretion.

Showing 10 comments

T on

This was gorgeously written. Congratulations on your baby!

cc on

I am too nosy not to find out lol. I just couldn’t take it. If we ever have kids I will have to know as soon as it is possible lol. A friend of mine waited and I bugged her every second of everyday. I was so annoying lol. Congrats I am so happy for you!

Connie on

That was beautiful! Congrats to the three of them.

j on

So so beautiful.

sfmom on

“For us, the joy of parenting will be to discover who we have been given the privilege to care for, protect, nurture and guide. We’ll wait for our baby to show us who they are, starting on their birth day. Until then, we’re happy to live in the fertile soil of dreamland, where anything is possible.” This is so beautiful! I fully concur!

I’ve had four babies and we chose not to find out with each baby. Drove our friends and family nuts (especially because we had three girls in a row). I loved not knowing, my husband and I loved the adventure and the surprise and even my older three enjoyed the mystery with the fourth baby – who turned out to be a little brother, much to everyone’s surprise and joy.

I always found that not knowing was a great extra motivator during labor – just a few more (hours/minutes/contractions/pushes) and we’ll find out if it’s a boy or a girl. During my last two labors, my husband asked me what we were having, and while I’d waffled throughout pregnancy on boy vs. girl, during labor both times I knew instinctively. I was right both times.🙂 It is a sweet, magical window – the months of growing a human and being pregnant with all those hopes and dreams. Best wishes for a healthy delivery.

Tanya on

Tatyana looks great. Congratulations.

Pinky on

Loved Tatyana on The Fresh Prince. Congrats.

LA on

I applaud her. This is one of the last of the best gifts you can open and be surprised. I’m surprised more people do make their pregnancy more exciting. Let’s see if my prediction comes true….I say a “boy”…just from her shape. Congratulations to them both. What a terrific journey you’re about to begin.

Happy Mama on

I have never really understood parents having a nursery with their future child’s name already in fancy letters on the wall etc. I think it’s hard to name a baby you’ve yet to meet. Our fourth time around we chose to find out the gender while in utero and share with our close family. It feels weird having done this. Like too much was already revealed as silly as that may seem. One time an ultrasound tech practically begged to us to tell us the gender. Apparently she couldn’t take us not wanting to know. Each time I was sure I was having a boy and each time I was wrong💓

JoyceJ on

Totally agree. She expressed it with love and wonder. There are so few great surprises left nowadays that I never understand the wanting to know ahead of time. Babies don’t care what the nursery looks like it or what color their clothes are. I find the urgent need to know to be another form of instant gratification. Kind of sad.

From Our Partners

Sign up for our daily newsletter and other special offers.
    Choose your newsletters
Thank you for signing up! Your request may take up to one week to be processed.
    see all newsletters