Marla Sokoloff’s Blog: Mom in Progress

09/23/2015 at 08:00 PM ET

Celebrity blogger Marla Sokoloff is a new mama again!

Since audiences first got to know her at age 12 as Gia on Full House, Sokoloff has had many memorable TV roles — Jody on Party of Five, Lucy on The Practice, Claire on Desperate Housewives — as well as turns on the big screen in Whatever It TakesDude, Where’s My Car? and Sugar & Spice.

Sokoloff, 34, most recently played Dani on ABC Family’s The Fosters and also starred in a two-episode arc on Grey’s Anatomy.

She wed her husband, music composer Alec Puro, in November 2009 and the couple — plus pup Coco Puro — make their home in Los Angeles.

On March 13, they welcomed their second child, Olive Mae, a sibling for 3-year-old daughter Elliotte Anne.

You can find Sokoloff on Twitter and Instagram.

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

When I started writing for PEOPLE.com four years ago, I promised myself that I would be completely honest in all of my blogs. I didn’t see the point in sugarcoating motherhood because as parents, we all have our highs and lows whether we choose to admit it or not. I knew that my honesty would come with some judgment (remember my “No … I Really Mean It” blog? Yikes).

But I just tell my story as it is for me and my family. My hope has always been that at least a handful of moms reading this say, “Thank goodness someone else out there is going though the same thing.”

I wrote this particular blog when my baby Olive was just over 4 months old and I will admit, I was having a pretty rocky moment in my parenting journey. I often found myself wondering if I was ever going to feel like myself again.

My baby girl is now 6 months old and I feel like I’m finally coming up for air. SIX MONTHS later. I’ve decided to post the blog as is because I know there is a mama out there who may have a 2 month old or even a 2 week old who is feeling the exact same way and may need to hear that it does get easier. And trust me when I say, you are not alone. It gets better. You will return. It’s still hard, but the days (and nights!) become more manageable.

Please read and relate if applicable, but let’s refrain from judgment and mom shaming as we are all on this ride together …

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

When my first daughter Elliotte was 10 weeks old, I wrote a blog called “Finding My Mama Mojo.” It was all about how I was finally finding my groove as a new mom. Just like all moms before me had forewarned, things got easier every day — I was able to deal with sudden baby dramas and split maternity jeans with a simple laugh and I was handling every baby blip with ease.

I had very few tears and almost zero breakdowns. I was fortunate enough to never suffer the baby blues or any postpartum depression — it was almost as if I was giddy in my new role.

At the time, I attributed this all to my terrifying pregnancy with Elliotte. I was so happy that our girl was alive and well after her health issue in and out of the womb, that the overwhelming relief gave me a contagious high that made Elliotte’s infancy nothing short of blissful. (It definitely didn’t hurt that this kid was instantly an overachiever who slept through the night by 8 weeks old. Don’t hate me until you continue reading.)

My gratitude for her existence far outweighed any postpartum hormones that were going to battle with me. I was out and about with my new baby fairly quickly with makeup on and hair washed, pushing my shiny new stroller, feeling like a million bucks.

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

Here I am, four and a half months in to my life with my second child Olive, and I’m so far from having mojo, the fact that I even wrote a blog 10 weeks postpartum blows my mind! This time around feels different for so many reasons, the main obvious one is the double workload.

But aside from that, finding my mojo, per se, feels like a daunting task that I know (and hope) many of you moms can relate to. Feeling like myself again sounds very far away from where I stand now and I’m longing for the days of that coveted mojo.

Everything seems harder — from losing the baby weight to keeping the hair on my head. (But for real talk … what’s the deal with the postpartum hair loss?!)

Other daily events that almost always fall through the cracks are workouts (yet I always seem to get the workout clothes ON — the follow through isn’t always there), grocery shopping, dinner making, hair washing, makeup wearing, blog writing, you get the gist.

I still feel that all-encompassing love toward Olive and even the tiniest smile from her makes my heart melt, but this time around it’s a little harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel as far as life returning to our new normal.

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

Olive is still working on sleeping through the night so the thought of a good night’s sleep sounds like a fantasyland. Due to her being a preemie, her developmental milestones are a bit delayed so we are just giving her extra time to get there.

I never really realized how sleep affects everything and anything you do, and not a single movement in your day is the same without it. During these months of complete and utter sleep deprivation, I’ve noticed that I not only look different, but I’m so depleted in every facet of my being, I’m finding it really hard to be a good mom to both of my girls. Deep breaths and practicing patience are constantly a work in progress and I’m always in a state of survival mode until the sun goes down.

The hardest part of transitioning from one to two for me has been staying ahead of the overwhelming feeling that there are just not enough hours in the day to get everything done. Some days I feel like everything is being compromised. I try my hardest to give my time to my girls equally, but that is truly hard when Olive is still so little.

This cycle then catapults me into feeling the ever-present mom guilt and inevitably ends with me in a puddle of tears in front of my husband, telling him I’m ruining their lives. (Oh, the things we say to our significant other while we are overtired and vulnerable!)

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

Luckily, Elliotte is at the age where helping me with her sister is one of her favorite things to do. That transition has been so wonderful and the bond between these two sisters is an incredible thing to watch unfold. Elliotte was the first to get Olive to truly belly laugh and just the sight of her sister forms the largest grin on her precious face. These are the moments that make those tears and breakdowns that I somehow skipped the first round, completely worth it.

I realized around three months in that I was so busy trying to prioritize my family, I wasn’t putting any focus on the one person in my life who was truly being neglected … me. Each day, I had a list of things that needed to get done for my kids and my husband, but putting any focus on myself seemed selfish.

I would actually feel guilty if I took 30 minutes to go get a manicure while my daughter was in preschool because she too loves getting her nails painted. Every move I made just felt like I was doing something wrong. Don’t even get me started on how bad I felt after attending a Taylor Swift concert!

It took me awhile to see that this newfound mindset of putting me on the backburner wasn’t going to sustain and that it’s completely okay to add myself to the priority list. The second I started to see myself slipping away, I forced myself to reel small pieces of myself back in.

Marla Sokoloff blog
Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

I know in my heart that finding time for myself and my career are the components to making me a better mom. Giving myself the permission to take time for me again sounds simple, but it’s turning out to be the hardest part in all of this.

I know once we get out of the zombie trenches and my littler one is a wee bit older, I can start to chip away at the old me again. My tired eyes will be gone and long healthy locks will be intact. I know there will be a morning that I will get to take an extra-long shower and my jeans will go on with ease and I will just simply be back.

I know that day will come when I will once again find my mama mojo, but for now I’m just going to call myself a mom in progress.

I would love to hear from all of you — maybe your second was a breeze and your first was the tough one? Whatever your journey was/is feel free to share in the comment section below or send me a tweet @marlasok.

Xo,

— Marla Sokoloff

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Showing 39 comments

mamaofthree on

We always said that going from one to two was like going from one to twenty. There’s no way to do equal time when you have a newborn, but you are giving Elliotte the gift of a sibling to grow up with. It means that as an adult, she will hopefully have a close relationship with Olive and they’ll be able to enjoy each other’s kids and be friends for life, though it means that in the next few years they’ll be able to refine each other and have someone to practice social skills with (much to your chagrin for a long while). So far, it seems like my girls take turns having periods of requiring more intense parenting-this is just a long period of neediness for Olive.

You haven’t asked, but if you are having significant blues, a little dose of an antidepressant can be miraculous in helping you feel like you can do this parenting thing. Lack of sleep, mom guilt, and the exhaustive neediness of babies can really do a number on us with our postpartum hormones. Sometimes a few weeks (or forever for some people, and that’s fine too) can help click your brain back into place.

Your girls look precious and well cared for. It’s obvious you love them, and `care for them, and Elliotte learning a little sacrifice is good for her in life also. I hope it becomes easier for you in the next little while.

Amy on

oh the second time was so much harder. my daughter was the easiest baby and really had me suckered for a second. my son, Noah, was the opposite. not a hard baby but always had to be in my face with every single thing i did. severe PPD did not help but with help of my husband and family, i finally found a balance when he was 8 months old. They are now 10 and 12 and still a handful but i love them and wouldn’t change it for the world.

I wish you all the luck and best wishes as you find your mojo again.

momoftwo on

Very well written blog. Yes your life is busier with two girls, but your girls are beautiful. Don’t feel guilty to have some time for yourself, you will be fine. In no time you will see your girls growing up as teenagers. Congratulations – you have a gorgeous family.

Tee on

First of all, THANK YOU for writing such a heartfelt, truthful blog post, especially knowing how cruel people can be in their comments. It’s not easy to open your life up for that kind of scrutiny.

You have two beautiful daughters, Marla. As a childless woman that just had to undergo a VERY unwanted hysterectomy, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly envious of the blessings the Lord God has given ya. Forgive me for that envy, please, as I truly am working on it!

I’m glad you’re recognizing the importance of taking time for yourself, recognizing that doing so doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your children. And on an unrelated note, I LOVE the bows/head bands that you have in Olive’s hair! They’re small enough to be cute, unlike those head bands with the bows and flowers the size of the baby’s head. To each their own but I’ve never cared much for those!

Take care of yourself. Looking forward to your next post!

Anna on

I’m always in a state of survival mode until the sun goes down – this is exactly how I feel each day with my 3,5 and 2 year old girls. But when the sun does go down I pray and thank for them because they are a real blessing. There isn’t any better thing in the world than when they put their arms around my neck and say “love you mama.”

joan on

I had a 3 year old and a new born and my husband stayed home with the girls while I worked and then we switched in the evenings. I thought all was going well until the 3 1/2 year old dumped the 4 month old out of the playpen (luckily she just dropped her a few inches on her stomach). I was exhausted with two kids. but they were happy and healthy, even with an eye surgery to fix an eye and tubes in the ears. Then we had a 3rd daughter, so we had a 5 year old, 2 year old and 3 month old. We struggled but girls have a great relationship with their dad and they survived.

I always worried if there was enough of me and did I do the right things, even when the youngest swallowed a penny at 6 months. I struggled with my weight and feeling like myself, and even my kids noticed my weight, as my belly was big “like a basketball” and I wasn’t even pregnant. but we all survived.

your girls are gorgeous and things always look worse at the time then they are. life is grand.

Momoftwins on

Her daughters are gorgeous .🌺

Raini on

It’s good to know we’re not alone in the struggle so thank you for this blog. I often think I’m the only mom who doesn’t have it all together and everyone else is better at everything when it comes to parenting. They’re more organized, have better schedules, more patience, yadda yadda yadda.

My boys are 17 mo apart and with my 1st it was rainbows and sunshine. It helped that he was a summer baby and I was able to get out and about every day. He too was (is) an excellent sleeper which fooled me to believe all my babies would be awesome sleepers. HA!

With my second it was the polar opposite, it was darkness and rain clouds. He never slept, EVER, and that was hard. Add the fact it was the middle of winter and anyone who was sick, which was everyone, was not permitted to visit and there was no way I was going out and about so it was a very lonely time.

My older son was in daycare part time and was constantly sick too. A perpetually sick toddler + a paranoid parent (thanks to the scary pediatrician talk about sick babies and spinal taps) + a 2nd c-section recovery + a very lonely and long winter + a newborn that NEVER slept and you get a mom that cries all day, every day. turns out I had severe PPD and holy crapola, PPD is no joke!!! It was a hard time I never experienced before and I wasn’t sure I would ever make it out of the darkness.

Fast forward 2.5 years…the darkness lifted long ago and I’m able to function as “normal” as I can with a 2.5 yr old and 4 yr old. 🙂 Just recently I started blow drying my hair again and wearing make up. I used to have to plan that out days in advance. LOL I think I’ve met up with friends more times than I can count on one hand so far this year. Possibly, I can’t remember thanks to baby brain. Which by the way hasn’t left me after 4 years. So fitting since I have a TON more to remember with 2 kids…awesomesauce. ; )

As hard as it is I love those little dirt magnets more than I ever though possible. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat but maybe with a little alcohol the 2nd time around. ; )

2 was my magic number, once my 2nd hit 2 and I could hover a little less and I was able to do more normal day to day activities, life got “easier”. I figured out how to cut corners like going grocery shopping after the kids go to bed on a Friday night.

Have you gone shopping with 2 yet? Don’t, it’s terrifying. LOL I’m now the mom I used to give dirty looks to in the grocery store when I was single and dumb and thinking “OMG, control those kids!”. Now I’m that parent who lets their kid use the isles as a race track. I’m tired, my patience is very thin and as long as they aren’t bleeding or making someone else bleed it’s a good day. 🙂

Hang in there Marla, you’re not alone and you got this!!!!

MomOfTwo on

Wow, I could relate to this so much. I also had my daughter in march and my son is six years old. It is still hard to do it all and I constantly have the feeling to let one of my dearest down. I know that it will get better and the love between the two of them is melting my heart but I do feel exhausted!

It helps to read that there are other new moms feeling the same way! Thank you so much for writing this!

Paula on

Love the blog and her daughters are very cute with those head bands. Yes she is the mom in progress like all the other moms out there, but it looks like she is doing fine.

Maxine on

Enjoyed reading the post! Congrats on your beautiful daughters.

pedrn on

I found that the magic age of the second baby was 6months. As soon as my second hit that milestone, everything seemed to click. Our new routines kind of hit a comfortable rhythm. My son absolutely adored his baby sister from day 1, so that was never a problem. For me, everything clicked at 6months. Yay, you are almost there!!

I will tell you to absolutely try and enjoy every minute. My two are 21 and 19, and you simply can’t imagine how the time flies by with precious, precious cargo!!!

lisa on

Oh goodness, going from 1 to 2 is 1,000 times harder. I have a 5 year old and 16 month old. Both boys. It has been so very challenging. My first was very high maintenance, terrible sleeper, but extremely smart, sweet and affectionate and I just loved it. My 2nd is just as high maintenance, if not more, a terrible sleeper, too, and still screams in the car seat (which means i can’t drive more than 15 minutes away from my house for the past 16 months). His longest nap as a newborn was 20 minutes. Now that he’s on 1 nap/day now, it’s only 1.5 hours.

Trying to attend to both of them was, and still is, so difficult. They both want my undivided attention. I had severe PPD, which still peeks its way through. I didn’t want to take meds b/c I was EBF (my 2nd also would NEVER take a bottle or pacifier, not once, even though we tried numerous times).

There are days when I think I’ve got it down, then they manage to prove me wrong. I also don’t have any help, family or babysitters. So I absolutely know the feeling of survival mode from dawn to dusk. My husband has also seen me in a sobbing heap on the floor more times than I’d like to count this past year.

That being said, it HAS gotten easier, bit by bit, month by month. Reading this made me feel less like a failure and somewhat comforted knowing that I’m not the only one struggling. Thank you for the honest post!

Jenn on

Marla- this is my first time posting a comment on People. I want to thank you for opening up about your daughter’s CCAM surgery. My first daughter had a pulmonary sequestration and I came upon your article while rocking her to sleep while crying my eyes out the night before her surgery. It helped me so much to read your article and have a more descriptive idea of what was to come.

Please know that you helped at least one person by opening up and writing about the difficult moment in your life. Thank you! (Your kids are cuties!)

Maya's mom on

As a new mom of two (2.5 year old son and 3 month old daughter) I can completely relate to this blog. My oldest was incredibly difficult (born premature, acid reflux, wouldn’t breast feed, cried constantly) and my husband and I really struggled. I couldn’t wait to get back to work and it was months before I felt hope that we would ever have happy, “normal” lives again.

Luckily for me, my daughter has been relatively easy by comparison. She’s not the best sleeper yet, but otherwise the challenges are minimal. This time, the struggle has been about returning to work, which I will do on Monday. Spending the summer with my son and daughter has been more of a (somewhat unexpected) joy that I’m now finding extremely difficult to give up.

Being a mom is hard, but I’m grateful to know there are others out there like me trying to do the best we can to raise happy, healthy, responsible children who are loved…even if the work put in to get them that way is far from glamorous.

I’ll end on a superficial note- my daughter has the same stars & stripes romper from Old Navy and the same pink ikat pillow from Target in her nursery. So cute!

Wishing you all the best on this wild ride that is parenthood.

Steph on

Thank you for this honest blog post. I can totally relate. I have twins going on five months and I feel the same way: I’m constantly afraid I don’t have enough time for either one. I certainly don’t have enough time for myself and feel like a completely different person now cause little is left of my life before the kids. Add the guilt that weaves through it all. But yes,I’m sure it will soon get easier and then they’ll have a play mate with them 24/7.

Claudia on

Thank you so much for an honest mom to mom post. I’m also a mother of two, my second is only 10 months and my first was 1 1/2 when he was born. We had to speed up the second one since we’re getting close to 40 quite fast 😁

I didn’t have that beautiful picture when I introduced my oldest to his brother, he was so upset and confused that mommy didn’t put him to bed the night before (she was pushing with a failed epidural and a scared husband beside her). That was the beginning of some quite rough days.

We live far from my family and my mom couldn’t come for the first two months so it was my husband and me against the world. You couldn’t have put it better and I call it the same “survival mode”. I prepared so much frozen food for everyone, I worked two days before my induction (baby was too big), I prepared every outfit for my boys, left the house clean before going to the hospital. God I tried so hard, but it was still painful to see my oldest feeling neglected, trying to juggle sleep deprivation, a jealous neglected son, guilt, breast feeding, being a wife and feeling so alone.

I clearly remember an afternoon when our oldest just threw the worse tantrum! I had a girl that helped me at lunch time with him, she couldn’t handle him so I always left my youngest asleep and tried to settle the oldest. He just didn’t want to eat and he had this “I hate you” look, he hit me, bit me, kicked me. I took it all with so much pain and guilt, because when he stopped he hugged me and wouldn’t let go. It was his only way of crying for attention. I felt I failed him. I put him to sleep and went upstairs and sobbed,, what a horrible feeling.

Fast forward a few months and life started to get a bit better, bath times, feeding times, sleeping times. Our second has been easier only because he used to sleep well after 3 months but then he went back to waking up at 6 months. That lasted 2 more months of sleep deprivation and now at 10 months we’re all sleeping well.

It gets so much better, hang in there I’m sure you’re doing an amazing job! Your girls are adorable and I can tell they’re so happy.

Try to reconnect with your hubby, I found that hard, giving them time, feeling sexy again, it’s hard to juggle!

I do my grocery shopping online now, I try to make things easier for me because I’m not good at asking for help which is a terrible thing.

I also feel so guilty to have “me time”, I only work out before showers if our baby is asleep the days I don’t work, it’s so hard but I try. I haven’t seen the street at night (unless I’m coming back from work) in 10 months! But I will start going out soon, in two weeks I have a friend’s birthday and I’m going. Hubby will be away and I’ll leave the boys asleep with a nanny. I’m SO excited!

We deserve it, we deserve not to forget we’re still women, professionals, sisters, friends, shallow! I need to treat myself better I know.

Thank you for sharing, thank you for your honesty. Believe me it’ll get better every single day. Enjoy while they sleep in your arms because one day we will miss it.

It gets much better, after sleeping through the night ha few weeks I’m wondering if I want a third child! That’s how good it gets! So hang in there.

Can’t wait to read your next post. All our love.

Emily on

Hi Marla! Love your blog, loved you as a teen actress, as we are the same age. I have a 2 year old boy who is my world, and I love reading your stories on motherhood. The idea of having another child seems so scary and overwhelming. I’m content reading about your experiences with it right now! Haha.

Your girls are beautiful and you’re doing a great job. Any chance you’ll make a cameo on Fuller House? Your girls will love all your shows and movies when they’re older. Especially Full House and the Baby-sitters Club! 😉

Nic on

My 2nd is almost 3 months and although a better night sleeper than his big bro (who didn’t sleep until about 10 months), he rarely naps more than 10 minutes on his own. He also has a bunch of dietary intolerances so I restrict my diet so he’s not in pain but the end result is that I’m hungry and grumpy and I have an infant who can’t be put down.

My poor 2.5yr old has been so good about it but I feel terrible that I don’t give him enough attention and when I do anything for myself I feel so guilty the entire time. I just know it will get easier and that thought alone gets me through the rough patches.

Lanie on

Nice Blog Marla! For me going from 2 to 3 was the killer as my husband I were now outnumbered. But after 3 we went to 4 and it was just a matter of throwing another potato on the grill! The mothers guilt never seems to go away- something know one tells us, no matter how old they get. Mine are now 20, 17, 15 and 13. Different ages, different challenges. My advice.. Take it all with humor , it really does pass in a blink. Take time for you, and cherish it. Also, take time for you and your husband as a couple- those babies will leave one day and it will be just the two of you once again! You will never regret nourishing your relationship! Bless your sweet little family!

Anonymous on

Loved your post that is very well written and happy for your two daughters who are very cute. Keep the good job.

Jenny on

Hi, there,

You and your children are so beautiful.

Thank you for writing this article it hit home for me.

I’m writing this from the bathroom as my two year old twin toddlers are screaming through their nap time (just changed to beds) and holding my breath that my four month old twins don’t wake up so I can have lunch.

I relate to feeling in survival mode sun up to sun down.

You are right to say this is temporary. Guilt is natural but takes time away from your energy supply which is already limited.

Sheer will and love prevails.

Hang on and keep up the amazing work, mommy!

Best
Jen

Nicole on

I just want to say that I always love reading your blogs . I don’t have children of my own yet but I am an Auntie of two nieces and a nephew and I love every second of it. They really do grow up so fast so I try to savor every second I spend with them. We love to take videos so when they are older they can see how they were when the were little.

One thing I do believe though is that you shouldn’t feel sorry for having time to pamper yourself or spending alone time with your husband because it’s good for the kids to have happy parents. Kids notice when parents aren’t happy.

Thank you for the honest blog and keep being the amazing supermom that I’m sure you are. Your girls are absolutely adorable 💜

Karly on

Love your blog and your openness. I am a mother of four rambunctious ones :). Two boys 5 and 3 and twin girls 3 months. Mommy brain is real lol and most days the list of stuff not done greatly outweighs what gets done but my kids are great and so so loved. It’s a struggle but I know in a few years things will be better. We haven’t even closed out the possibility of one more but with twins in the family were a bit nervous 🙂

Gwen on

Samesies. One baby; easy, fun. Having two, that’s when it became GRUELING. Still the best and tons of moments of laughter and joy, just grueling. It does get easier! And your second will catch up fast! I had preemies too. Remember to measure milestones by her “corrected” age, meaning how old she’d be had she been born on time and she’ll be right on target! 💗💗💗

Michelle D on

THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!! I am currently expecting our second child, we have a 20 month old daughter so they will be about 2 yrs apart. I am terrified at the thought of how I will keep it all together with two.. I had a really tough time with my daughter in the first few months (baby blues, sleepless nights) so I am almost expecting it again – but hearing someone say that it DOES get better and that it’s normal to feel that way actually makes me feel better:) You are right to say we should support each other and not shame – you are doing a great job and I’m sure your two beautiful girls feel like they have the best mommy in the whole world!

Looking forward to reading more of your blogs ♡

Kelly on

I love your honesty! I had my 2nd daughter at the end of June and my girls are 20 months apart. I had a lot of mom guilt when I found out I was pregnant just after my daughter’s 1st birthday. I felt like I was going to deprive her of time with just my husband and me and she was going to hate us for it. My 2nd LOVES her big sister! Her first social smile was for her sister! I love seeing them form their bond.

I still feel a little lost when it comes to mothering two and giving them equal attention, but I know it will get easier! Reading your blog reassures that I’m doing the best I can. Enjoy your time with your daughters!

Patricia on

Thank you for this. I have two amazing boys, 4 and 2 yrs old. I have been feeling so depleted and lost. Thank you for the reminder of remembering that we, as women and mothers, need to make ourselves a priority. I am, and always will be, a work in progress.

My2Girls on

Going from one to two felt like going from one to TEN. There is no other way to explain it. I was completely in survival mode for the first 9 months with my second (my girls are 22 months apart). And then once she turned a year old, I swear a veil lifted. I felt like myself again, magically. It took A YEAR.

I too was blissful in motherhood with my first, not a problem in the world! It was all so easy and I was just so happy. With #2? Holy smokes. Totally different experience. It was exhausting in every sense of the word. I was a zombie for 6 months and then it took another 6 months to piece myself back together.

HANG IN THERE. All of you who are going through this right now… you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel. I absolutely promise you this.

just because on

This was great! I have four children. My oldest who is now 12 was so high maintenance that she was almost an only child. She screamed in the car seat and would never nap during the day. She slept at night only if she was in bed beside me so she could snuggle and nurse whenever she wanted. Don’t judge me. I was sleep deprived and had to go back to work so every night for a year she slept beside me. Then I weaned her and sleep trained her which helped but is heart breaking at the same time. Also when we were able to turn her car seat around she did much better. Maybe she had car sickness like her dad does, she couldn’t say.

My next girl is 7 and she was such a happy baby and so undemanding. She hated sleeping with me and hardly ever cried and loved to travel. She reached her milestones early just because she pushed herself so hard.

My third girl is 5 and was a sweet happy baby with a stubborn streak a mile wide. I mean lay down in the floor and pretend you’re a wet noodle stubborn. That way mom can’t pick you up and try to make it better because she can’t even get a good hold on you. I worried when her brother was born and she was only 14 months old but she was wonderful and also made sure you didn’t forget about her. My son was a happy baby but a lazy eater with a heart murmur who worried us all for a few months but is now a healthy almost 4 year old who thinks he is 5 or 7 or 12 depending on who is doing what.

I found your blog to be a nice reminder to everyone of us who reads it that all of our children are different and special and so divinely lovable. Yes we have enough time and yes we have enough love and never should we feel guilty for making ourselves a priority. So to all of you wonderful moms and dads out there…..Great Job!

Mandy on

I don’t have 2 yet, but do want another baby. I remember feeling the guilt when mine was younger about not spending enough time with her. I had to go back to work when she was 6 weeks old & working 10 hour days a lot. For the first year of her life, I never did anything fun for just me or me & my husband. Now I do go do stuff with my friends some & my husband & I try to go out on a date whenever we can.

ddl6 on

I have four children. You just described how I felt in the months after each one was born. The one to two jump was the most difficult and life changing for me. It was the only time I think I experienced postpartum depression. Now, my youngest is 6 and my oldest is 14 and I look back and think, ” How did that happen so fast???” Hang in there, mama! Great blog post!

mommyoftwo on

So relatable! I am seriously on the same boat right now with my 3 year-old son and 7 month-old daughter. Take time to yourself, which easier said than done AND try not to feel guilty! Things always get better and I always try to remember they won’t be this young forever. Thanks for sharing your blog!

Cass on

So we’ll written! You can tell she’s being honest.

My first didn’t sleep. Got up every 1.5 to 2 hrs for 2 yrs!! It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. On top of wake up she’d cry for (sometimes) hours. Never did we get a “good” night. No one can relate to sleep deprivation until you’ve lived it! It’s very hard. Here I am with #2 and she sleeps and it has made the transition feel like a piece of cake!!!

Toula on

This is me spot on. Wow. My first is 4 and my second is soon to be 7 months. Within the last few weeks I realized that I was burnt out. I was snapping, easily bothered, and just overall stressed about doing every thing well, meanwhile feeling like I was doing nothing well at all. I too realized I needed to be okay with putting myself first. I truly struggle with it. Glad to know I’m not crazy 😬

Thanks for sharing.

J on

Marla Its so refreshing to hear such honesty. Being a mother is hard work yet so rewarding at the same time. It’s nice to read a blog I can relate to.

Kristin on

Oh. My. Gosh. You have managed to write every single word that I have been feeling. It seriously feels as though you have written this blog all about me, lol. The relief of knowing that I’m not alone is indescribable!

My 1st was a pro at sleeping, no baby blues – just pure baby bliss! Everything felt magical, ha.

And my 2nd….! She started giving me a run for my money while still in the womb! She spent 8 weeks trying to come early and the endless guilt I felt over being on bedrest…! She’s 15 months old now and JUST started sleeping thru the night.

I understand completely everything you have written – I looked different, acted different, felt different, all because of no sleep. It really became about survival, haha. And, I laughed out loud when I read about the mommy guilt you feel for getting a manicure – I just treated myself to a manicure and spent the whole time staring at the clock, fretting over being away from both kids.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this and being so open. You really hit the nail on the head for me! It feels so nice to know that I’m not alone :).

Aiden on

So adorable, congrats on your girl😂

Stacey on

I’m just now reading this blog with my 14 month old sleeping on my chest. We have 2 daughters as well. 4 and 1. The first seemed so easy and fun. I actually remember saying to my husband ‘why do people say kids are hard?? This is so much fun!’ The first year with our 2nd was very hard. I had post partum anxiety. Which nobody ever talks about. It’s always depression. I wasn’t sad, I was on edge and scared and nervous. About my health, my children’s health. Everything. It was like a living nightmare. There were good times too, but I was having a very hard time just enjoying my children and being a mom.

I have finally snapped out of it and I feel like me again. I think we are done having kids too. You are right – pregnancy can be scary when things don’t go how you expect. I don’t want to push my luck. We have these 2 perfect little girls. I think I’m good with that 🙂

It’s nice to know I’m not alone. Being a parent is hard, but hearing someone else share their bumps in the road is very comforting. So thank you.