Eva Amurri Martino on Sharing Her Miscarriage: The Support Has Been ‘Healing’

09/22/2015 at 08:55 PM ET

It’s been over a month since Eva Amurri Martino shared the heartbreaking news that she had suffered a miscarriage at nine weeks pregnant, but the actress and lifestyle expert is still overwhelmed by the outpouring of support.

“I didn’t really know how I was going to feel about sharing, I just knew I felt really strongly about sharing it. I couldn’t have known how healing it was going to be,” Amurri Martino, 30, tells PEOPLE.

“It was an amazing process to hear from other women who had gone through the same thing. My doctor told me the statistics and I was just blown away. There are women all over the world experiencing the pain and heartbreak that I felt.”

She adds, “Unfortunately, the fact that it became a news story dictates more how little people share. I shared because I want to be honest in my life and I thought how disingenuous to be writing this blog and have this huge thing happen in my life and not share.”

Eva Amurri Martino daughter Marlowe Happily Eva After launch
Amy Graves/Getty


The stigma surrounding a miscarriage — and the decision to keep it quiet — is one the actressΒ knows is all too real.

“I think we equate femininity and our value as a woman in being able to reproduce and be a mother to a certain extent,” she explains. “There’s not a lot of information so I think people often assume that they did something wrong, that it was something they did. And so they feel shameful about that.”

Despite being a “pretty progressive thinker,” Amurri Martino says her doctor warned her that the weeks following the miscarriage could be emotionally challenging.

“I totally had feelings like, what if I had done this? And you just have to get that part out of your head,” she says. “People assume there is something that could have been done and it’s not like that.”

Here we go… πŸ‘§πŸΌπŸ’πŸΌπŸ‘›

A post shared by HAPPILY EVA AFTER (@thehappilyeva) on

And the mother of 13-month-old Marlowe Mae, her daughter with 36 Hours host and former soccer player Kyle Martino, says her new lifestyle site, Happily Eva After, has been another source of comfort — and not just for Amurri Martino.

“What moved me so much was other women speaking to each other and comforting each other on my website. That’s really what made me decide that I want to continue to do this for a long time,” she explains.

Eva Amurri Martino daughter Marlowe Happily Eva After launch
Amy Graves/Getty

Amurri Martino, who celebrated the success of her launch with a party hosted by Hormel Gatherings, is continuing to find strength in her community of fellow moms.

“If motherhood has taught me anything, it’s how to ask for help. And now, I find so much strength in vulnerability,” says Amurri Martino.

“I’m not perfect, my life isn’t perfect, my child isn’t perfect and that realization helps you become a truer version of yourself.”

The idea to start her own blog came after Amurri Martino found herself trying to transition into motherhood while struggling to not lose herself in the process.

“It was such a tough time. I was looking for a resource and I wasn’t finding it. I couldn’t find anyone who was doing what I was doing, having a career and being a great mom and being a great wife and being a woman,” she says.

“I wanted to find the joy in parenting. I didn’t want to be one of those parents who was trying to have it all.”

As far as the future? “I think I want to have two kids, maybe three. We’ll see,” she shares. “You never know where life is going to take you so I’m just trying to keep an open mind.”

— Aili Nahas

Share this story:

Your reaction:

Add A Comment

PEOPLE.com reserves the right to remove comments at their discretion.

Showing 16 comments

Pam on

Beautiful family. πŸ‘¨β€πŸ‘©β€πŸ‘§ I’m sorry for your loss. I can only imagine that that is the hardest thing one will ever go through. Be strong and stay happy for that beautiful little girl.

monica mcconahey on

Beautiful family !!

NYmom on

I LOVE that John Lennon quote she wrote down. It was a great quote! I had never seen/heard that one before. But, it’s one I will remember to share with my son. 😊 She seems like such a sweet, down to earth mom.

LilahK on

Beautiful family!

lola on

How adorable is her baby girl?! What a cutie. Best wishes for peace and happiness.

Valarie on

They look like having a very nice family. Congrats!

Kara on

Cute pictures!

Guest on

OMG. That baby is just too cute. What a doll. Really nice family.

dutchmomamericandad on

Cute!

DaisyMoon on

She really does have one of the cutest kids in Hollywood.

Mandy on

This shouldn’t be a taboo subject. It happens & it is hard for everyone involved. I’ve never experienced it first hand, but was so worried about it while pregnant.

Kristin on

Her daughter looks so happy. Love her smile. Beautiful!

Marky on

I have always been sad for those of my friends who went through a miscarriage, but recently I started working with a group of women who have gone through loss of a pregnancy from early to full-term stillborn, and through talking with them, I’ve discovered there is so much more struggle for most women than we have understood. It isn’t as simple as, “You can have another one, you got pregnant before, didn’t you?” . If you wanted that child, then it’s a baby from the get-go to you, and what someone else thinks about that doesn’t matter, nor should it!

I am glad she has been able to share her and her husband’s sense of loss, and be an encourager to others who have faced the same loss and perhaps had difficulty expressing their feeling to others who may not understand the sense of grief they feel.

mbk223 on

I love that miscarriage is becoming a more talked about topic. I suffered one last year after my husband and I had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant. It was easily the worst, and saddest experience of our lives. But even worse is that no one knew. I went back to work the next day and had to pretend that I was okay when I really wasn’t. We ended up conceiving the next cycle and welcomed our little one early this year. He is the love our lives and we snuggle him just a little bit tighter because of everything we went through to get him here.

Traci on

It’s so important that women do share these struggles and not keep them hidden or treat them like they’re taboo.

My husband and I lost a daughter at 20 weeks gestation, after conceiving through IVF. This was 12 years ago, and even in the time since, I’ve noticed a change for the better. I remember being shocked when people would thank us for acknowledging our daughter by having a funeral. We never thought twice because she was so wanted and loved.

In my own grieving process and through lots of time, I’ve come to realize the blessings I received by having a later term miscarriage as opposed to early. At the time I wanted to die. But I have known many people who have had early losses, and I feel so sad for them. I got to hold my baby! I have pictures, and her blanket, hat, footprints and handprints. We have a family picture and her grandparents got to hold her.

It was a nightmare when I was going through it, but a few years ago I finally reached a place where I am so thankful for the time I did have with her. Suffering a miscarriage changes us, so to not be able to talk about it and share it, is denying a part of who we are.

We are so blessed to have a soon to be 14 year old daughter, who would’ve been an amazing big sister. We have always talked about her sister and will continue to do so. They were both incredibly wanted and although one is on earth, and one is in heaven, they are both our daughters.

I can’t ever imagine keeping it a secret and I hope more women who suffer a loss feel supported enough to share and help others who have experienced the same thing.

milly on

Thank you for sharing this awful most difficult thing. After I lost my 1st pregnancy at 13 wks I felt so alone. There was nothing to bury or to give a sense of full closure. Not even an us photo. So 5 years later and 2 healthy boys I decided to bury love notes in a jar for my daughter. It was cathartic. I know felt lucky to have gone through this because I can support others and be a more empathetic person. At the time it happened this was impossible to feel. I pray every babies soul gets to be recognized and respected. Much love to you.