Evelyn Lozada: Why I Felt ‘Responsible’ for My Miscarriage

07/20/2015 at 03:00 PM ET

Showing up to an OB/GYN appointment to find out your pregnancy has taken a turn for the worse is every expectant mother’s nightmare. In Evelyn Lozada‘s case, that nightmare came true.

On Saturday night’s episode of Livin’ Lozada, the former Basketball Wives star’s new reality show on OWN, it’s revealed that Lozada’s pregnancy earlier this year ended in miscarriage.

“When I went to my first appointment, everything looked great,” Lozada, 39, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “My progesterone levels were good.”

Lozada and her fiancé, L.A. Dodgers outfielder Carl Crawford, are already parents to 15-month-old son Carl Leo, and although the pregnancy came as a surprise to the couple, Lozada says she was naturally excited.

Evelyn Lozada miscarriage Carl Crawford
Martin Hausler/Ruuvy

“You get that pregnancy test and you’re instantly so connected,” Lozada, who is also mom to 21-year-old daughter Shaniece, says. “I was already wondering if it was going to be a girl this time.”

But her excitement soon gave way to fear. Lozada, who found out she was pregnant at six weeks, received heartbreaking news at her follow-up doctor’s appointment. “My hormone levels were dropping,” says Lozada of a common indicator that there may be issues with a pregnancy. “My doctor said, ‘Let’s just see what happens and if anything changes.’ ”

Things did change, but sadly, not for the better. “At my next appointment, my ultrasound went from looking really perfect and beautiful to looking pear-shaped,” says Lozada. “You could just tell, it didn’t look normal.”

After the doctor’s confirmation that she would likely miscarry, “for me the most heartbreaking thing was knowing that it could take up to a day to maybe a week for it to happen,” says Lozada. “I became so obsessed with it. I kept taking pregnancy tests and one would come out positive, then one would come out negative. It was so hard not knowing when I’d lose the baby.”

In a scene from the show, Lozada’s family encourages her to proceed with a photo shoot, in hopes of lifting her spirits. But it’s there, two days after she received word from the doctor, that she begins to miscarry. “I had to stop the photo shoot and just lay down,” Lozada recalls. “It was hard.”

Despite the love and support she got from her family, “it’s just something that a woman deals with alone,” says Lozada. “You have a million and one questions in your mind as to what happened. You just feel responsible. It’s your body. It’s a loss that only you can relate to.”

Lozada questioned everything from her age to her eating habits, but she now knows that the loss wasn’t her fault. “It’s nothing that you ate, or did; it’s not your age. One out of all four to five pregnancies end in miscarriage,” she explains. “I have three girlfriends and it’s literally happened to each and every one of them.”

The reality star, an outspoken advocate for domestic violence victims following a 2012 dispute with ex-husband Chad Johnson, says she hopes opening up about her struggles once again will help others. “This was just another tragic incident in my life that I had to deal with. But I say God doesn’t make mistakes. Women just need to hold out hope,” she shares.

As for trying for another child, “I’m not checking for when I’m ovulating or anything,” says Lozada with a laugh. “I’m like, look, I’m pushing 40. I’m going to be 50 with a 10-year-old! If it happens again, that will probably be my last.”

Livin’ Lozada airs Saturdays at 9 p.m. on OWN.

— Janine Rayford Rubenstein

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Showing 11 comments

Missy on

Sorry she lost a child but why is she even in the news….for this?

Sassymom on

The same reason the Kartrashians are..

renne d on

Why is she even on television? So dissappointed in OWN

Ima right on

another no talent ‘pretty face’ bimbo who poses naked and marries
a rich actor or sports guy for money and fame! period! why is this
a story? I agree disappointed in OWN and I don’t even watch it!

rakeya on

I M SO SORRY FOR UR LOSS GOD BLESS U

l reeves on

Sorry she lost her baby. But for the nasty remarks some of you all are breed to marry and accept athletes to marry and live well especially black ones. But as for Evelyn, she may was loud and a curser but she was not bed hopping. When she first came on that show she had been in a 10 yr courtship with a athlete. Married Chad for a few months and for her to not have kids with either man she must’ve felt they weren’t father material because the money was most definitely there. Now she’s with someone she loves. Some of you with your negative comments would marry a good looking man with wealth in a heart beat. Please stop portraying to be someone who would decline a good life.

l reeves on

BTW for no talent …a lot of people have no special talent of singing, sports, etc. But the chic did own her own shoe boutique in Miami. Whether is open or not I can’t say. If its closed, she at least attempted to do something that a lot of people aren’t doing. But I can tell you one good accomplishment of hers and talent can’t touch it and that is raising that beautiful, smart, intelligent daughter of hers who is in college. Very independent. The 10 yrs she was with that basketball player Antoine she made sure he played the role of father in Shaniece’s life because when he accepted her he accepted the responsibility of being her father. He still looks out for her daughter to this day and have that bond with her.

MISS THANG on

I suffered a miscarriage approximately 26 years ago. as a matter of fact every October is sad for me because of the miscarriage, and every april is sad because the baby was supposed to be born in that month, until this day I still wonder was it something I did wrong. A miscarriage is something most women never forgets or completely heal from. it makes you wonder why did God bless you with a pregnancy then takes the child back, especially the fact it was a nice surprise baby, but at least I have my son. some women never have children in their lives.

jenni on

♡ and peace.

kris on

Hood rat sports groupie? Sounds like a fascinating show.

shondra fuller baylor hugdaston on

i.d theft shondrafuller@yahoo,com fraud alert nt thrid world ingnore shondra2 fraud email usa baylor

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