Sophie B. Hawkins’s Blog: Nurturing My Son’s Sustainable Heart

03/20/2015 at 01:00 PM ET

Please welcome our newest celeb blogger, Sophie B. Hawkins!

The singer/songwriter, who is best known for her hits “Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover” and “As I Lay Me Down,” has also starred in Room 105 and on Community.

Already mom to 6-year-old son Dashiell, Hawkins, 50, is pregnant with her second child — a girl! — after being implanted with her own frozen embryo.

You can find her on InstagramFacebook and Twitter @therealsophieb.

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

As I write, uncomfortably squishing my 6-month-pregnant belly into my old Manhattan window sill, the colossus of dirty snow is finally being swished beneath car tires by a precocious spring rain.

Six years and three months ago, I was pregnant with my son, Dashiell, playing a show in the desert of Cerritos, California, with Janis Ian.

I was very focused on my work, my relationship, my animals — and a little too concerned with the presidential election. I was, in most respects, an ardent passenger who never slept, just in case the driver veered off the road. I loved how my songs affected so many people in a real way, but my life was still no bigger than me.

Then, my son was born, and the big bang happened in my heart.

Now there are galaxies of love I’ve yet to experience, and bound to explore.

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

How do I, as an artist, a pragmatist and a mother, sustain a love so big and fit into this world, so my children can thrive? By using all of what I’ve got, and only what I’ve got, plus ingenuity. A sustainable attitude keeps us buoyant in the highest water. It’s more of a responsive approach than a controlling one, and often, our children are sustaining themselves way before we are aware, or even ready, to let go of our tethers.

After a year and a half here in New York, my son has found his sea legs in his new life, and this happened seemingly overnight.

Recently, I traveled out to Los Angeles for a week of work, so I did what I always do: book four round-trip tickets on the plane for myself, Dashiell and our two mini dachshunds. Dash grew up in Venice, California, until he was 4½. He loves it, and I don’t mind cheating on an East Coast winter and tapping into new resources (like a tutor) for a work trip in the sun. I asked his teachers in New York to give us study plans in advance, so we were all set!

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

When I told Dashiell at breakfast that we were spending a week in L.A., I thought he would be ecstatic — I thought these trips back to his homeland kept continuity. But this time there was a long pause, and then he said, “Will I be back on Thursday? I’m the door holder in Ms. Werner’s class.”

I let it go for over a week and as the trip loomed nearer I brought it up again at breakfast: “So, Dash, you know I have to go to L.A. next week to work, and of course I’m planning on taking you and the dogs … ”

Ponderous silence.

“But then I’ll miss painting in art class,” he said.

“Yes, if you come with me you’ll miss five days of school, but you won’t fall behind and you can do all your California stuff while I’m working.”

“But if I stay … ”

“You won’t miss anything,” I said.

“I’ll miss one thing,” he said. “You.”

“This is a big decision,” I said.

“Yup.” The 6-year-old leaned his chair back like a cowboy, “I’m staying.”

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

Dashiell can pull the threads of his life together and keep himself up, I thought, and the details of making sure he’s taken care of in every nanosecond are boring compared to his being at the helm of his own existence.

I wonder if my being pregnant with his sister pushed this development? While I was fretting there wouldn’t be enough of me, Dashiell was busy inventing ways to care for himself. When he cooks, he finds the discarded, non-coveted ingredients, and he makes his own things. He makes really good things.

Last night he mixed flour and water in a big pot then rolled out the silky dough. Next, he threw the dregs of bruschetta from a jar, kalamata olives I was going to throw out, old rosemary, and garlic into a bowl with olive oil, cheddar cheese and salt, and spread it over his geometric pies. He cut the shapes like Picasso.

All I did was preheat the oven, put it in and take it out. He will never make the same thing twice because what’s around for him to use changes constantly.

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

Dashiell doesn’t look for what isn’t there; he sees the old, used, and new as equally vital. He has a sustainable creativity, which is natural for a child, and necessary for a child to employ.

I was worried Dashiell would resent his sister, whom he named Bubble Gum, and yet they are already communicating on their own terms. This morning he “found her finger” in my tummy and sucked on it. It was at that moment, I realized that my fears have nothing to do with their progress. They are born with sustainable hearts — we all are — we just have to relax and remember how to use them.

Sophie B Hawkins blog
Courtesy Sophie B. Hawkins

— Sophie B. Hawkins

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Showing 9 comments

sky on

Wow, good for her. She sounds very healthy and looks great.

kristen211298 on

This was a great blog, what a great family! I love that you seem to love and respect your son, so much. You are fostering his independence and creativity all while providing him the safe place to land. Good for you and congratulations on the little girl that follows.

Betty on

Cute kid but I want to see pictures of the 50yo pregnant woman.

Lois Farina Reilly on

Love this…whenever I hear about a great kid, my immediate reaction is ‘he/she must have a very wise parent/s.’ I totally enjoy following you on FB, and now will do the same with your blog…keep on keepin’ on, Sophie…may your spirit and that of your children continue to soar! P.S. Dash’s pizza sounds yummy!

cora on

“This morning he “found her finger” in my tummy and sucked on it.” I have read and reread this statement…yet I am more confused each time. I am not trying to be snarky, but could someone explain to me what that means?

Catherine on

She seems like a really great mom. I’m curious about the “finger sucking” comment too. Also wonder how she can afford to buy plane tickets for her two dogs when she hasn’t had a hit song in several years!

Dee on

I think the finger sucking thing was he saw a bump and attributed it to her finger. Then he put his mouth on it to kiss or suck like babies sucking on fingers.

Bee on

Hey cool! I saw Sophie B. at Long Beach Pride years ago, it was very entertaining.

Belle on

Beautiful. This phrase, “Sustainable heart,” is a song title.

“They are born with sustainable hearts — we all are — we just have to relax and remember how to use them.”

Thank you.