Elisabeth Röhm’s Blog: Moms Are People Too

05/31/2014 at 05:00 PM ET

Elisabeth Röhm has been blogging for PEOPLE.com for three years now.

The SAG Award-winning actress, 41,  starred as Dolly in David O. Russell’s latest film, American Hustle.

Röhm will next star opposite Julia Stiles on TNT’s Guilt By Association and is currently filming Blood Father opposite Mel Gibson.

Her book, Baby Steps: Having the Child I Always Wanted (Just Not As I Expected), is available now.

She can be found on FacebookGoogle + and on Twitter @ElisabethRohm.

In her latest blog, Röhm — mom to 6-year-old Easton August with fiancé Ron Anthony — shares her thoughts on the ever-evolving mother-daughter relationship.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

Happy Mother’s Day MONTH!

Now that Mom has passed with Lolly following and just recently Aunt Evy also returning to that other place, admittedly most of my days are a measuring of how they would guide me as I land in these new territories of motherhood, which happen most frequently.

Oh, Ya-Ya Sisterhood how I miss your humor and straight up unapologetic methods of being women towards each other and towards us. I think of you so much on Mother’s Day Month (just to make it clear)!

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

You are the bookmark and history of my happenings. And now as a modern mother and the next generation with my own reference catalogue for my beautiful Easton, I still count on your cultivation of my independent nature, my survival skills, my crash course of reinvention more than ever that I learned only from you. I inhale you even in your being gone. That’s how strong your love has always been!

Our time is not like the days of old when these amazing mothers were willing to endure the mercurial personalities of our fathers in order to create motherland. Or when they tempered and staved off their real desires, opinions and visions of the future by adjusting to the only world they knew, one where mother’s raised their children, their family with no complaint … but with joy, and sugar and daises, and red sauce.

Well, now that I put it that way, I guess it’s still kinda the same. These women who held it all together and feathered our beds beautifully while the husbands and fathers were rather absent. These were our non-working moms of the 70’s.

The tradition of my entire history is wrought with mother’s and daughters. Mom and me. Lolly and Jaime. Jessica and Olivia. I’m from a long line of amazing women and their daughters. Now Easton and me add our name to the catalogue. Again like with Mom in her era with me, all of my daughter’s needs are happily answered.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

And yet, try as we might to protect some revision of boundaries where the relationship does not become co-dependent like the days of old, the mother-child relationship is so open that it becomes the bearer of the weight of all the needs, hopes and desires as well as the sponge to those of the mother.

And so goes the existence of the mother-daughter relationship, where they bear the weight of the mother’s world. It’s complicated.

My every dream is curbed and guided by that which will make my daughter Easton happy, loved and thrive from her most deep place that she can’t even put a name to yet. All of us moms are human beings, right PEOPLE.com, and in this modern world — which is different from the way we were raised — life has become a bit more complex.

Never the less, whether old-fashioned or complicated by a mother’s work life, we ask our children to accept us as people.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

Welcome to my world, Cookie! It’s called humanness and yet, despite the love I can show you and the constant charm and all the twinkly lights that I try to string for your soul, you’re kinda stuck with my current evolution and are on your own path of discovery to see what’s real for you, what’s lasting and where your deep sustenance will come from. I hope you are okay with what I’ve got to offer you.

To be an artist and live in random places and become random people and to ask that my sweet little girl acclimate to the most foreign of circumstances may seem odd to you, PEOPLE.com. Have I expected too much flexibility and wisdom from my darling, as I have flown the friendly skies and refused to be apart from her? Still it’s what I do to earn my living.

Montreal seemed so obvious for spring break and a new project. She’s in a multi-lingual school in California. I have a million reasons to show her that she belongs to something deep and authentic and that’s in her roots, like this is where my family is from, this is where they are buried, this is where my grandparents fell in love, this is where all my family’s hopes transpired and where my Opa left his hometown to come to the USA. She belongs to a history that is without words just like love is without words.

Even in our new apartment on the road, which can often be the case, I know the way my mom would do things, or my Aunt Nancy or Lolly or Jessica. No night where I don’t cook dinner when I can or have flowers showing off their fragrance in a new vase, where we delight in this new life and opportunity, in this most recent case in Montreal. It was an okay place for Easton to spend her spring break from kindergarten. I try very hard to keep it real.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

We arrived in the rain with the nanny, how very Hollywood (haha)! It was dark, cold and not so pleasant, I thought with a bit of guilt. Geez. I’m a N.Y.C. girl who gave birth to a CALI girl (how could I feel bad about weather), so here we go, landing in a storm with its thunder and lightening.

But Easton found the storm magical! Not my plan, still there we were popping up in a weather-beaten Canada; nothing shiny about it. Too dark, too cold, too wet. We got dropped off at some flat, some night a week before production, which felt kinda normal to us. We lugged our suitcases full of toys, comfy clothes and personal stuff from home up the stairs soggily and then went off to the bistro right under our staircase afterwards for a bite of dinner.

And guess what? They spoke French. They said in French, I only know now: Does she eat bacon? I would have said yes, had I understood. And that was the start of our journey in some place where I speak less of the language than Easton does.

She ate the bacon at 930/630PM L.A. time in the Montreal. My little 5-year old, open to everything and all experiences, was meeting change with happiness and accepting, the which I needed to provide and feel fulfilled. I’m very proud of her openness and excitement about the new place, language and exploration of a new city.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

This trip was so divine, no begging for space with her play dates. All us all the time! It was a new place with new patterns and new schedules. I’ve always imagined that bringing a kid on the road must be somewhat disturbing to their small town life, which is so steady and yet that has not been our experience.

In my small Westchester town, to be honest, my heart kinda broke when Mom sold our house, when I was sixteen. My scope was somewhat small and centered on a little clip of the world. We never relocated when I was little.

It does excite me, as I lean my elbows on some new table we happen to be having dinner at, with sheer excitement for change and newness, that Easton may feel like a real citizen of the world and remember how things shifted in Technicolor when we took up the corner of each others magic carpets and opened our hearts to a new place, people and culture.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

To belong only one place, a place that defines you before you even have a choice in the matter, before you have opened to pain or love or breathe or death or history or change, is normal and also familiar. That’s how Mom raised me.

It is a distinct thought that I have with Easton each time we shuffle onto a plane that she grasps how big the world is and how much unchartered territory there is ahead of her.

For us in our childhood, trips were destinations, you know, vacations mostly. Some candy coated like Florida, where I got the chicken pox. That sucked. There were a few that were more challenging and exotic mostly for Dad’s work.

When my parents went to see my dad’s family or tried to embrace some European heritage, we’d pile onto the plane, sleep, write, play, end up in another country. That’s how it was in my childhood and travel has certainly been expanded upon tenfold with our lives today.

Wherever we are, we’ll cuddle all night. No matter where we end up. Whatever they say. Whatever is promised, we’ll always have each other. I’ll hold you all night. Hold you tight.

I’ve got no real answers other than my daughter gave me an infinite purpose that has been my guiding light since she was born. Now I have a true sense of service and a real center. When you love, you know the difference. And my kiddo, just like my mother, has defined that juicy word LOVE.

Yes, things have changed in the mother-daughter relationship, where my mom held it all down in our small town to us reinventing home from time to time.

Easton and I are on the road sometimes — this is the way of her mom’s life — but it is one that is paved with the love and the wisdom of those we’ve lost I hope and a real desire to discover the world together.

This is a change from childhood, but ours is no different than those that hold onto old-fashioned values in the simplest of ways.

Elisabeth Rohm Blog Courtesy Elisabeth Rohm

Thanks, Mom!

Until next time,

– Elisabeth Röhm

More from Elisabeth’s PEOPLE.com blog series:

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Showing 5 comments

Michelle on

How come she doesn’t get married? It is so weird///

Megan on

I agree, Michelle. Her child’s six. Not a good example of family and commitment she’s setting.

Jac on

I’m married and was married before babies but I don’t feel high and mighty because of it. She doesn’t have to marry if she doesn’t want to.

Kimberly on

Why all the judgement on not being married. Maybe she just doesn’t want to get married. Look at all the divorced couples, are they setting a good example for their kids. So many marry for the wrong reasons. You can be a good mother to your child and not be married. I will be married for 16 years and have two boys but I’m not going to condemn someone for picking a different life path.

trost on

She looks great. Would love to see her onscreen.

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