Jenny Mollen Wasn’t Ready to Be a Mother – Until She Became One

03/13/2014 at 09:00 PM ET

Many women dream of motherhoodJenny Mollen was just never one of them.

“I was never the girl who yearned for children. I pretended to be interested in other people’s kids, but that was obviously just an act,” the author of I Like You Just the Way I Am writes in an humorous and moving essay for Cosmopolitan.

Mollen’s fears surrounding the possibility of motherhood boiled down to one issue: making a mistake.

“The truth was, children scared me. I knew that no matter what I did as a parent, I was bound to do some things wrong,” she explains. “I didn’t want to bring a person into the world just to f— them up and have them send me to voicemail for all of eternity.”

But then Mollen and her husband, Orange Is the New Black‘s Jason Biggs, discovered they were expecting their first child and the reality of pending parenthood set in. As she waited for their baby boy to arrive, the mom-to-be was left wondering how she had room in her heart for anyone other than her beloved pet pooch, Teets.

“I wasn’t completely connected,” she shares. “I didn’t know how I could love something more than my dogs. Or how I could housebreak something not motivated by bacon strips.”

Jason Biggs Jenny Mollen Son Sid Photo Courtesy Jenny Mollen

Her due date came and went and Mollen started believing she’d “just be pregnant forever.” But then on the evening of Valentine’s Day, her water broke and she was on her way to the hospital.

After hours of labor, Mollen was still not progressing and when the baby’s heart rate started to drop, doctors recommended a c-section.

“As I was wheeled into the operating room, my anxiety started to mount,” Mollen, who will appear in the next two episodes of Girls, writes. “All the choices I’d made with my life … came flooding back to me. Would this little creature like me? Would he approve of me?”

She continues, “I worried that I hadn’t done enough with my life, that I wasn’t equipped to be the kind of mother he needed, and that I wasn’t young enough to be someone his friends would ever consider hot.”

And then it happened: the first-time mom heard her baby boy, Sid, let out his first cry.

“A nurse walked back over and placed my newborn son on my chest. He seemed a little pissed off. Like maybe the caesarian was interfering with whatever in utero plans he’d made for the evening,” Mollen jokes. “I cradled him in my arms the way I’d seen people hold babies in movies and tried to console him.”

Hit by a sudden range of emotions — from feelings of laughter to the urge to “throw up all over myself” — Mollen immediately realized her life had changed forever.

“I was instantly and completely transformed. In that moment I knew I’d never be the person I was before, because now, I didn’t seem to matter that much,” she shares. “I was no longer concerned with accumulating the most Twitter followers or scoring the best parking spot at Whole Foods.”

She adds, “I wasn’t ready for kids. I was just ready for him.”

— Anya Leon

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Showing 31 comments

Aria on

The second picture of Dad and baby brought a smile to my face. Nothing beats the smile and laughter of your baby – fills your heart with joy!

Tee on

Alright, I’ll be honest here. I don’t know a whole lot about this couple but based on what I’ve read up until now, I really didn’t care for them. WAY too crude and flat out nasty for my taste. But this article… wow, it’s really powerful! Enjoy your son, Jenny and Jason!

Kathy on

I agree with Tee. I mean she seems very self centered and cold especially when she didnt know if she had room in her heart for anyone other than her dog? Im not a fan of either but I hope she becomes a better person with her baby now. We all worry about having a baby but we dont all worry if we will love it. I pity her baby.

Drea on

What a great article. Brought a tear to my eye.

Ridiculous on

It was pretty darn gross when she tweeted a picture of the placenta after giving birth but I don’t hold the whole “not wanting kids’ thing against her. I think many people go through that at times but end up falling head over heels in love when their baby arrives.

Loved the picture of Jason with his son. Congratulations!

rebecca on

Is it just me or did the comment about her not being young enough for her sons friends to think she was hot bother anyone? Is that something she was really worried about??? Weird

Anonymous on

Do people not understand joking and sarcasm? Obviously she’s using humor about being hot enough etc. chill out people.

kat on

Some people here have a very, very hard time understanding humor. She did not want kids, she was scared to parent, she did not know how to love another person like that. It’s not uncommon, yet women are constantly ridiculed by other women for not squealing over babies. Her time came, her baby is happy and so is she.

starhollowaygibbs on

I think the stance that Jenny had on motherhood is a very hard one for many women to understand. I am annoyed by the instant judgement women receive when they say that kids aren’t their thing. Growing up I was never the girl who wanted baby dolls, or to play house. I loved animals and music. I could have cared less about boys and relationships, I was happy as long as there was woods and a high tide to row my boat out on. Kids always seemed loud, needy, and fragile. That last part made me a bit fearful of them.

As I grew my mind was not changed on how I viewed children. I didn’t hate them, but I didn’t think they were the best thing on earth and a means to validate my existence. When my nephew was born, a lot of that changed, and a lot of things came into focus. I love him so much, and I loved staying up with him, singing to him and playing with him. Now that he is almost 5 I love it even more because his personality is becoming prominent and we can really talk. I enjoy all the time I spend with that little whirlwind, but guess what…I still don’t want kids.

I do not think Jenny is cold, or heartless, and I certainly don’t pity her son. Many of you need to back off with the judgement. I understand where she is coming from and it has nothing to do with being some sort of evil baby hater, or self centered. Believe it or not some of us just don’t feel like we would make good parents, and fear our skills in relation to being responsible for another human life.

It sounds like the moment she saw her son she fell in love, and is going to be a very loving mother. This article shows her transition from what she thought to what happened once she saw her son. Seems some missed that.

Dee on

I know this is supposed to be lighthearted and humorous, but I reacted to it the same way I reacted to reading that Kristen Bell worried she would love her child as much as her dog.

We all have doubts going into parenthood, I get that. These women’s attitudes just seem so cold and cavalier though. There is absolutely nothing that says a woman MUST have a child. I’m just not sure what drives a woman who isn’t really interested in parenthood to roll the dice and get pregnant. What if the outcome were different? I’d hate to think what would happen if, after the poor baby arrived, mom thought, “Oh crud, I really DO hate this!”

I agree with the poster who said she hoped this child makes his mom a better person.

Kardenia on

The oddest thing she said was that she “wasn’t you enough to be someone his friends would ever consider to be hot”. What Mother EVER says or thinks that? I’m a Mom of 4, 3 boys, one girl, of 3 now-grown adults and an annoying teenaged son, and believe me, THAT statement is just WRONG. Because having your EGO stroked by your son’s friends, IS THE MOST important part of being a parent. I honestly have no words.

Lacey on

He’s cute, but he’ll probably be more pissed you named him Sid than worried about your parenting skills.

Kat on

Reading the comments, I strongly believe we need to have a telethon for the humor impaired.

Also, I can’t believe that it’s 2014, and we are still talking about women who are conflicted about wanting children, or who (gasp!) don’t want children at all as “bad people”.

JT on

These comments are hilarious. She is obviously using humor for portions of this article. Also, it’s really not cold to wonder if you will love your child as much as your pets. It’s pretty common for people who have had little exposure to kids & their pets are family.

It takes having a child to understand the love you will have for them. That’s not to say that I don’t think a woman can be fulfilled unless she has children, it’s just to say there is a different kind of love that is so intense it can’t be explained.

Alissa on

I really enjoyed her honest take on motherhood. It is so refreshing that women now say their truth about their feelings, especially surrounding motherhood. While some women never feel like Jenny, plenty of others do.

It is important that we, as women, continue to support other women, even when their experience or take on life isn’t just like ours.

Jay on

The baby is adorable!! Hopefully they will both become less crude after his birth.

Nikki on

Why do women need to be so cruel and judgmental towards each other? If it’s not the breast-feeding patrol, it’s the negative nellies intent on cutting those down who express the not so radical idea of not wanting children. Not wanting children doesn’t make a woman incomplete or less of a woman, just as not wanting kids but than having one and changing your mind doesn’t make you a bad person.

We’re all entitled to our own views on what works for us, what completes us, and what makes us happy. And we should be allowed to use humor and wit to express those thoughts and ideas without being afraid those who believe their way is the only way will judge. I don’t worry about loving my dog more than a child, but I will say I do love my dog a whole lot more than snarky, judgmental women.

TJ on

I agree with comments left by Dee…I’m not sure what drives people that are not interested in parenthood to take a chance and become parents. My thoughts are it’s society pressure and getting older (biological clock or whatever you want to call it). Many are probably afraid they’ll regret not having a child as they get older and therefore make the irreversible decision and become one.

While I don’t judge anyone who makes this choice for themselves, what happens if you don’t like being a parent? It’s a very taboo topic and not one that is frequently discussed I do know a few people who do not enjoy it like everyone else and believe me, your child can tell.

I’m glad that it work out for them but I really wish people put more thought into having kids. It’s a lifetime commitment and a huge responsibility and really should be left to those who truly desire it.

Anonymous on

beautifully written!!

Ris on

I love how much she loves her dogs bc I’m a HUGE animal lover myself…but other than that…I do not care for her.

Also, read the article she wrote about how she hired a hooker for her husband. They blew him together. Seriously.

Morgan on

I was hoping a baby would round them out. Their antics always feel like they’re done for shock value. Having a little human to bond with and care for really can help unwind some folks.

Crystal on

I am a big fan of OITNB and Jason Biggs. I think this family is hilarious and adorable. I get that people don’t like them. I also get that people find them rude and crude.

What I don’t understand is why people feel it is okay to attack this family or their sweet baby? You don’t have to comment on every article. I get tired of seeing the posts about how people don’t like this couple. So what? Who cares? You don’t have to express your disdain for them by commenting on every article about them.

JJ on

It’s very sad that this child was born to Jason Biggs. After the very vulgar statements he made during the 2012 election I lost all respect for the man. He’s a typical liberal though. He’ll trash any conservative he can to make King Hussein look good.

Anonymous on

JJ, shut the fuck up with your politics. Your post isn’t any better than what Jason tweeted.

Sophia on

Poor Sid…. Airhead mommy and crass, sexist daddy. Hopefully he doesn’t inherit either of their personalities.

Kay on

How the hell she named her kid Sid, ridiculous name.

Tay on

Don’t know who Jenny Mollen is, but congrats to her.

Crystal on

JJ- You sound like a bitter psycho. Shut up and stop hating.

Tay on

Nice article by Jenny!

BlueMoon on

I get that she is expressing her feelings with humor and sarcasm. I still don’t care for her or her husband. They are crude and downright disgusting at times, and seem to depend on shock value rather than talent in their careers. Maybe she takes her comedy writing for Playboy’s The Smoking Jacket into her real life, literally. Whatever. Hope baby is happy, healthy, and doesn’t grow up hating his name, Sid Mollen-Biggs.

Two Cents on

Joking and sarcasm is one thing. Joking about a miscarriage is another. It’s just inappropriate. And yes she did just thatt. And he’s made fun of mentally disabled people. There’s nothing funny or charming about these two. Sweet baby. I hope he endeavors beyond his DNA to be a decent human.