Michelle Stafford’s Blog: So Long, Spontaneity

01/03/2014 at 11:00 AM ET

Thank you for welcoming Michelle Stafford to our celebrity bloggers series.

The two-time Emmy Award-winning actress is best known as Phyllis on The Young and the Restless, a role she played for 15 years.

Now mom to daughter Natalia Scout Lee, 4, Stafford blogs on everything from body and style to decor and men on her “Doing It as a Single Chick” website.

She is currently the co-creator, co-writer and star of The Stafford Project, a Web series that debuted in August. As a tongue-in-cheek depiction of Stafford’s life, the series has been called “terrific and audacious” by TV Guide.

The show can be viewed on her website and on YouTube. Additionally, Stafford, 48, can be found on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Michelle Stafford Blog
Ray Kachatorian

I think people who have children are secretly jealous of those who don’t. Otherwise, why would they try so hard to make them feel bad for being childless?

I was just looking at my Instagram. I follow the designer Zac Posen, who is a genius and shows his very cool designs often on his site.

He just wrote something about a last-minute scheduling change that would have him flying off to Sydney, Australia, in two days. I mean, how fun. I thought to myself, “Wow, if someone said, ‘Hey, wanna go to Sydney in two days?’ I would be incredibly stressed!”

Should I bring Natalia? If I did, I would need a nanny. If I didn’t, where would she stay? If I went alone and the plane crashed, she’d be parentless. If I went alone, I’d miss her. If I brought her, would it be a major pain in the ass — and am I a bad mom for even thinking that?

I mean, Zac didn’t have these thoughts. He’s just going to Sydney.

Michelle Stafford Blog
Courtesy Michelle Stafford

I do remember the days that I just got up and went. I still don’t think I am used to having another person in my life to get ready. That’s why I’m always 45 minutes late to everything and look haggard when I get there.

Oh! No! I used to spend TIME getting ready. I mean, now with my daughter there is always the time spent on talking her out of keeping her pajamas on. And she doesn’t want to eat the beets I made. And she doesn’t want to brush her hair — and when she finally agrees to brushing it, it’s a lot of screaming and crying.

I’m brushing it too hard. It hurts. She wants it in pigtails, not a ponytail. She wants it loose and not in pigtails. She wants to wear a dress. No, not that dress! She wants the sparkly shoes, not the boots. She wants the jacket, not the sweater … Ooooooy!

Listen, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE being a mother and wouldn’t change it for the world.

But all I’m saying is, all you single folks without kids (and it wasn’t that long ago that I was one of you), next time a parent tries to make you feel bad for not having kids just say, “Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy making plans for my last-minute trip to Bora Bora.”

Michelle Stafford Blog
Courtesy Michelle Stafford

Believe me, that will get ’em …

— Michelle Stafford

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Showing 51 comments

brenda on

I really miss her on Y&R. She made the show.

Missing Phyllis on

When is Michelle Stafford coming back to Y&R?

Sharon Little on

What a boring blog.Hopefully her other blogs are more interesting.Shes missed on Y&R. Now Adams out.they both were the most watchable ones on the show.So-BORING.

joni on

Thanks for being so honest. I was a single parent(my daughter is grown now) and I got so tired of those uppity mothers who tried to make me feel guilty for not thinking that motherhood was a fabulous miracle 24/7. Being a good parent is hard work with lost of rewards and frustrations along the way. Your honesty may help another mother who is feeling guilty.

Anonymous on

hope your daughter never reads your blog…. you sound like you regret having her….. I feel sorry for you…

Kim on

Anonymous, she’s just being honest and saying what 99.99% of parents THINK but don’t have the guts to admit. Probably you included.

MsGriffin on

Oh please Anonymous that is NOT what regret sounds like. That’s what a normal parent sounds like. It’s funny to me but I have a friend that’s single without any kids that jet sets all the time and she often invites me but rarely am I able to go b/c of preparations I need to make for my children.

Kids can also make you run late for events b/c no matter how much preparation you make kids are spontaneous and something will happen that will require you to change their entire wardrobe. So now, she’s not regretful, she’s a normal parent.

Anonymous on

Come on, you can love your kids completely and still wish you had some time to yourself or a single lifestyle for a bit. Who doesn’t want a break from being needed and hanged on 24/7!!??

Shiloh on

I think her blog was great. I know what she means. I am married so I have my husband that helps with my three daughters but it is hard to just jump up and go do something! If I want to go on a vacation it’s a big deal whether or not we bring our children. All the same thoughts go through our heads. So we take turns. One trip is family, next is just us.

It’s important to remember that you are still a person, not just a mom (or dad). Take time for yourself every once in a while. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. Of course a troll will get on here and say it does, well screw you lol.

Missy on

I wish people would stop acting like every mother should want to spend every second of the day with her child or children. Society never puts that kind of pressure on fathers.

jeanie on

how original! A parent whose schedule/life is affected by parenthood.

could there BE any subject more obvious, hackneyed, and boooorrrrring?

Isabella Anne on

I really miss her on Y@R, I wish she should returning back and then she can tell everybody that Sharon did changed test and Jack was Father. . . . Phyllis and Nick are real parents, it’s give me bored because of Sharon, I want Phyllis come back. I want Sharon out of the show.

AKC on

Thank you MIchelle!!! Every word you say is true. I am 35 and child-free by choice and it is amazing the amount of guilt trips I get from parents. There were a couple of moms I work with who so frequently tried to make me feel terrible for choosing not to have children that I finally just started looking at them after their guilt trips and say “You are so jealous of me you can’t stand it!”. One got the hint right away, the other took a while. But they know better now. Listen if you want kids have them, but leave those of us who don’t alone and cut the guilt trips. NO ONE needs it.

Lunabell on

All true! Wait until she is a teenager though-yikes! Talk about a roller coaster ride! Enjoy your time with her, she’s a cutie.

Guest on

LOVE her!!!!! Would love her a lot more if she’d come back to Y&R and nail Sharon.

4tmama on

Are you kidding?! She went thru hell & back to have this precious lil gal..Stafford just tells it like it is, something people just get bent out of shape over. You go Michelle & Nat, we love & miss you, and will follow you no matter your journey ❤

Jetting Off... on

I love her for writing all that, especially the “Oh sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was too busy making plans for my last-minute trip to Bora Bora.” because my husband and I just decided last night to make an impromptu trip to Portugal for my birthday! Unfortunately, her idea doesn’t usually illicit the response she says it will. We are always running around, which we love to do. We always say to people “Well, one of the reasons we don’t have kids is we are always on the move…” and their response is usually “Oh, must be nice!” (in a very snarky tone). I’ve learned to respond in a very nice tone with a “You know, it really is, and we’ve made some very wise choices…” (NO, I don’t mean not having kids is a smart choice, I am referring to how we run our home finances, but hey, that usually shuts ’em up, so if they wanna be insulted and think I was talking about kids, so be it, that’s what you get for being rude!)

Sadly, we get the Spanish Inquisition treatment every time someone finds out we don’t have kids; frankly, it’s none of their business why we don’t (thankfully for us it was a choice and not a fertility issue – my heart goes out to anyone who wants them and cannot). A good friend of ours (who is awesome and never grills us about why we DON’T have kids) basically took in her screwed up Sister’s kid (the sister is a total train wreck). When she was visiting our friend we met her and she grilled us over and over on why we we’re not parents. A woman who took off and left her kid with her sister – someone not exactly winning parent-of-the-year- is asking us this. LOL. We were gob smacked.

The funny thing is you NEVER hear someone ask another person “Why DO you have kids?” It is so rude for people to ask why someone does not (I mean, what if they had their ovaries removed due to cancer???), just as it is rude to ask people “When are you having your NEXT one?” or “Don’t you want Annie to have a Brother or Sister? She is going to be so lonely.” Basically, everyone needs to be happy for everyone’s personal (personal being the operative word) life choices AND mind their own business!

Paula on

I have often said some people are made to be parents and some aren’t, I’m an aren’t. Although I love kids, I never wanted any for myself. I have brothers and sisters that have blessed me with nieces and nephews and now greats so I get my fill of a baby fix whenever I need it. But I can also walk away and not feel guilty about it.

Being a parent is the hardest job there is and I have much respect for those of you out there who are. By the same token, I also have respect for myself for not bringing an unwanted child into this world. Not that I would be like that, just sayin. There are too many people having babies that have no business at all producing, and too many children out there that need the love of a parent or parents. I’ll get off of my soapbox now, just wanted to state how I feel.

Also, love Michelle on Y & R, no one can play Phyllis on there.

Kathy Carpenter on

Michelle is a riot. I miss her everyday on Y&R.

Gayle on

‘we miss you on the Young& the Restless, not the same

joan on

She is missed on y&r, but that show is going down the tubes anyway, I’m glad she’s on to personal projects, she’s too good for the young and the restless at this point. It’s getting ready to be dull as dishwater after Michael Muhney is off.

Lise on

Phyllis, Please wake up!!!!!

Amodis on

OMGOSH!… Thank you for the honesty (and the laugh :D). I have a toddler and boy, I wouldn’t trade him in for all the free time and spontaneity in the world, but there are days (moments really) that I’d love to flash back and not have to think twice about going out somewhere – or heck, starting to watch a movie on tv hehe.

Bravo for the candor and by no means is she saying she doesn’t love her daughter or rue having her, she’s just saying that there is a benefit to being single – namely that you are completely in control of your schedule. 😀

Gin Gin on

Adam is out, what happened? I missed a week!

Sarah on

News Flash! It is possible to have kids and get the grandparents,friend,sibling or hire a nanny for a week and go on an adult vacation with your hubbie or friends 🙂

Marla on

Love Michelle’s honesty. Let’s face it: Good parents love their kids, but that doesn’t mean they don’t miss some aspects of a childless life. Continued success, Michelle, and one day I hope to tune into Y&R and see you again!

Whatever on

Too bad she’s a scientologist.

jb on

LOVE her, so glad she is blogging here! As a single gal under the gun to produce grandbabies, thanks for the tip Michelle xo

Skyla on

Great blog… Michelle I love your humor. Don’t listen to the negative nellies who obviously didn’t get the “tongue in cheek” value to the article. Those of us who follow you on twitter, your blog, or The Stafford Project know how much you adore your daughter and being a mother to her. Great lil read, I look forward to the next one.

mgawron on

reqlly miss u on y&r i think your blog is cute could be a little better but will keep on reading, just to keep in touch with u

Stormy on

I can relate to the part about her daughter not wanting this and that us parents have it tough but it’s a job I chose and I am blessed to have it .. Childless people have it made sometime but then again who will carry on the family name

Carol on

I love the name Natalia, so pretty. I’m very happy for Michelle but I disagree with her saying that people with children are secretly jealous of people without children, NO way. My kids are the best thing that ever happened to me and I believe that many couples that choose NOT to have children really regret that later in life.

Missing Phyllis2 on

When is Michelle Stafford returning to Y&R?

Lisa on

I’m not jealous of childless couples but they do make me reminisce about a wonderful time in my life when it was just my husband and I. We had 8 1/2 years to ourselves before the baby (we met young) and I loved every second if it. But I also love our family life now…and, no, not 24/7. It is challenging but that’s life. I would never try to make anyone feel bad for not having children. It could be their choice….and maybe not their choice, which would be just heartbreaking. It’s not my business and it’s not my life. To each his own!

Beth Pigozzo on

Reading this story about your sister brought tears to my eyes because it sounded like reliving the story about my sister’s battle of breast cancer. Your comments on how it changed your life as well, echos my own sentiments. Our sisters are brave and remarkable women as are the many who face this horrible disease. I’m sure this impacted your decision to leave Y&R, and I was so dejaste about your departure as I have been a fan for years. But after reading this blog, I have to commend you for making such a great decision for yourself. You are truly missed…a fan.

Christa on

Thanks so much for this topic! I am a single, childless, woman in her upper 30’s, and have come up against so much recent scrutiny, from women with chidren. My favorite is, ” You’d better hurry up & make your dream of becoming a mother come true soon, you only have a few more years.” I found your insight to be comforting & you’re an inspiration to those who have taken the road less traveled.

All of the negative feedback that you’re getting is coming from those jealous women that you were talking about:) It takes courage and bravery to figure out who you are, and what you want out of life, so that you can be a fantastic mother.Congratulations.

Stef on

I remember her on Y&R which was my after class guilty pleasure… and the last thing she is … haggard. Looking gorgeous. I didn’t know she was so funny, frank and witty. Hard not to like her after reading this.

no srsly on

She left for 2 reasons…(1) to make an online YouTube series ahout her home life and (2) to dedicate more time to SCIENTOLOGY! Yep you read it right……she is a Scientologist cult member!!! Whoda thunk it!?

Helene on

Please, please come back to Y&R. You are terribly missed.

Anonymous on

What happened to her strawberrry blonde hair? Y&R is so “vanilla” without her.

traycee on

Loved this!

Sasha on

LOVE her!!! She is an amazing actress! I am so happy that she has a kiddo and is getting to experience being a mom. I wish she was back on Y&R though 😦

galen on

You just made me giggle…I have to say that motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Ugh. While I think (hope pray, all fingies and toes crossed) that my kids might actually turn out okay, being a mature, responsible, and reasonable grown-up single MOTHER of three is SO much harder to practice than I imagined in my head that it would be. I have found that being calm and rational is difficult when your teenager is acting like a freaking lunatic and is accusing you of causing global warming, knowing NOTHING, and most importantly, of starving him because there is NEVER any good (aka junk) food in the house. 😉

Melissa on

I miss her on Y&R. I know they are keeping her alive and hoping soon they bring her back, the show is not the same without her. I love this red haired women…they show has her soon coming out of her coma, I cant wait to see what going to happen, is she going to remember what Sharon did and did to her….Nick needs to know the truth about Summer !!!!!

Jennifer on

Thank you for saying that. I’m married but don’t have kids, and I get sick of being judged for it. People shouldn’t force you into making a decision when they don’t have to deal with the consequences.

Tonya on

Come home Phyllis!!!

O. on

Michelle, if you read this know that you are reading a post from one of your biggest fans. I really respect the fact of you doing your own thing, but the reality is that I am a fan of Y&R and watch it daily and the show just has NOT been the same without your presence. Even though Adam is gone now, it is important for you to see that your role helped to carry the show. “Supporting actress my a**”!! Your character is the one that made us all say….wait for it, wait for it…..BOOM. Truly do miss you as Phyllis, the character that everyone loved to hate, but truly my Y&R fav.

lee on

She doesn’t need Young and Restless, she does super on her own just by being herself, I no longer watch the young and restless, if became the Old and Rusty , Most stars that leave has out grew the show, and they find a newer and better life without it,

Michelle C. on

My GOODNESS, this woman speaks to me! Though our lives are very different, they are also much the same. After having children, I decided to go back to college. I think the toughest part of that arrangement is feeling a bit jealous of my classmates that can be so spontaneous. Oh well….I love my babies with all of my heart and wouldn’t trade a single second of my sweet little “night night hugs and kisses” for a life without those sweet little faces. 🙂
I miss you on Y&R!!!

vickynicole on

Michelle is very much missed on Y&R, I agree with everyone who said this. But for those of you who are so sad that Michael Muhney is gone… do you know why he was fired from the show? He sexually assaulted Hunter King (Summer). So, yeah, not so much missed in my books.

Kelly Bocast on

The show is not the same since she left.I hope that all good things come to Michelle and her daughter.