Michelle Stafford’s Blog: How I Became a Mom

09/30/2013 at 03:00 PM ET

Michelle Stafford Blog: How I Became a Mom DuffImages.com

Please welcome Michelle Stafford to our celebrity bloggers series.

The two-time Emmy Award-winning actress is best known as Phyllis on The Young and the Restless, a role she played for 15 years.

Now mom to daughter Natalia Scout Lee, 3½, Stafford blogs on everything from body and style to decor and men on her “Doing It as a Single Chick” website.

She is currently the co-creator, co-writer and star of The Stafford Project, a web series that debuted in August. As a tongue-in-cheek depiction of Stafford’s life, the series has been called “terrific and audacious” by TV Guide.

The show can be viewed on her website and on YouTube. Additionally, Stafford, 48, can be found on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Ya know, I’ve sat down a few times to write this blog, but being a single parent … I’ve been interrupted. “Mommy, I have to go pee pees” or “Mommy, play with me in my room!” or “Can you make me a hot dog, Mommy?” And actually, at this very moment, I am juggling between playing in the pretend kitchen with my daughter and writing this for you.

A little over six years ago I decided to adopt a child. It didn’t go so smoothly for me, so I then decided to just do it myself. I mean how hard could it be to get pregnant? Three IVF attempts and three surgeries later, my body was spent. I was exhausted. And by that point, my personality sucked.

Finally, after what I call a “three and a half year journey through hell,” I welcomed my amazing, healthy, biological daughter into the world via surrogate! How lucky was I that she was beautiful, calm and healthy? But unbeknownst to me, the real work was about to begin.

I had no idea how challenging being a single parent would be. A child was something I had wanted so desperately for so long. (Just an aside here, but I really missed the boat on those “How to trap a man by getting pregnant” classes. Where was I when those were being taught? Of course I say that in jest, because we all know that no woman really does that, right? I digress…)

I was single and 40 and wanted to be a mother. Why did I have to wait? I knew I would be a good parent, I wanted to be responsible for another person, I wanted to make a real difference in someone’s life, and I wanted to have that “special love” for a child that I had always heard parents talk about.

I’ll be honest: It’s challenging doing it alone. Honestly, the first year practically all I remember is my distain for carrying that car seat around! It would have been nice to have a man to do that, but what the hell, my left arm is really toned now.

I would work on my show for very long hours during the day and then come home to my daughter. Was up most of the night just to have to wake up again at 5 a.m. to do it all over. Honestly though, it was bliss. It’s still bliss. The challenges are even bliss. I had wanted to be a mother for so long, but was told by many that it would never happen. Any challenge I go through as a single parent is nothing compared to the hell it took to get here.

My daughter is my best friend. My buddy. We are a team! It’s very special being a single parent. There are many out there, and as single parents, we have all the responsibility. We get all the tears, but also all the hugs! I have nothing but respect for all of those who are parenting alone. You are actually phenomenal humans and should be acknowledged as such. So, I’m giving you a shout-out here! So — even if you’re a guy — keep on “doing it as a single chick”!

Michelle Stafford Blog: How I Became a Mom Ray Kachatorian

— Michelle Stafford

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Showing 21 comments

ScorpionGlow on

I am strongly considering this myself, have been for years, and this reiterates so much for me. Thank you Michelle.

Sophia on

Lovely photos of the two of them, and beautiful words.

Brooke wooters on

Michelle, you are so special and extremely talented! Keep up the good work and never stop being you! I miss you on y&r ! You make a difference and I am so proud of u! Your show on the web is histerical! I love it!

Michelle on

I too am a Single Mom by Choice. At 39, i gave birth to twin girls via IVF. It was the best choice I ever made. It’s not nearly as hard as I thought it would be and i love every minute of it. We are so blessed to have a wonderful support group made of family and close friends. My girls do not have a father, but they have everyone else.

Cassandra on

I miss you on the Y& R so much. Will you ever go back

Johanne Gerlitz on

You are awesome! Keep doing what you do! Great mentor and motivator in everything you do!

amie on

I take my hat off to every single parent out there.

Stormy on

Michelle I loved you on Y& R and understand why you left

Your daughter is precious best of luck

Jan on

I admire Michelle and could have done the same thing. Nothing but the best to her and her beautiful child.

Lisa on

I am a mom of a 3 yr old girl also, and they are so precious! I wish you and your daughter all the best. I miss you on Y&R, you are an amazing actress.

Ashley on

I love her! And her web show is SO funny.


” Any challenge I go through as a single parent is nothing compared to the hell it took to get here”
Anyone who has ever gone through infertility, adoption or surrogacy can relate to this : )

Jenn on

“We get all the tears, but also all the hugs!” What a beautiful, positive take on single parenthood. Love the pictures

Anonymous on

My two children have a fantastic, hands-on, dad and it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had. My hat is off to you for taking on the challenge solo and for not giving into the reality that people told you that it wasn’t meant to be. Your daughter will be the greatest achievement of your life and she will be so very grateful you bucked the trend to get her here.

liarlairpantsonfire on

I was married for the first several years of my kids lives, but single for the last 4. the older 2 started high school this year and the younger one will be there soon. honestly, its SO much easier to be a single parent, than to try and parent with someone that was terrible at it (and seemed not to want to be one). I love, love, love being a mom. if I had been brave, I would have started as a single mom. best gig ever 🙂

Surf City on

Wow 48! She was always stunning on y&r. Nice to hear her about her bond with her daughter.

Emma on

I’ve always basically said that if I’m not hitched and settled down by the time I’m 35 or so, I’m looking into things on my own. Granted, I have 14 years before I have to worry about that, and by no means is it my first choice to having a child. But hey- more power to those who are okay with doing it on their own! (For the right reasons)

Marcy on

I have been missing you so much on Y&R that I looked you up on the internet! And I am so happy to have found your website! 😦 that you won’t be back on Y&R…but think your site, your daughter & your comments are awesome!

Eileen on

What a beautiful story. So happy for you and Natalia. Please tell me you will be returning to Y&R at some point. Seriously, the show just isn’t the same without you.

Barbara on

Good for Michelle! Parenting is a hard job and to do it on your own is even harder.
I wonder if Michelle will ever have another child via surrogate? Give her daughter a sibling?
I miss Michelle on Y&R also. I used to hate her and then feel sorry for her. lol I stopped watching Y&R years before Michelle retired from the show. I am truly glad to hear she is happy and doing well in life with her daughter. 🙂

Anonymous on

I applaud you.