Aisha Tyler Reveals Struggle with Infertility

09/11/2013 at 03:00 PM ET

Aisha Tyler Infertility Struggle Michael Buckner/Wireimage

Aisha Tyler had tears in her eyes as she shared her struggle with infertility on The Talk on Tuesday.

In a candid confession as part of the show’s weeklong “Big Secrets” segment, the co-host was emotional as she talked about undergoing IVF to try to conceive a child with her husband of 21 years, Jeff Tietjens, after she joined the show in 2011.

“We went through the process. There are all these shots, they make your body crazy, they make you emotional, they hurt. I was getting shots every day. I wasn’t telling you guys — my husband and I were going through this at home together. He hated giving me the shots, he probably cried more than I did,” Tyler, 42, told her co-hosts.

“After going through a lot of procedures and spending a lot of money … the doctor said, ‘Look, based on what we’re seeing here, I just don’t think this is going to happen for you.'”

Tearing up she continued, “The hardest part is I really love my husband — he’s such a good person and he would be such a great father. But we just decided it wasn’t worth it to go through that and so we decided to stop. It was better to not go through that torture.”

Tyler’s co-hosts, who hadn’t not known about her issues, were in tears as she told them about her struggle to become a mom. But Tyler, who says she loves kids, admitted that she hasn’t given up her baby dream completely.

“I love the idea of adoption,” she admitted when Sara Gilbert asked her about exploring other avenues. “But I feel like this is such a fresh wound that I want to let it heal for a while before I think about what we could do.”


– K.C. Blumm

FILED UNDER: Aisha Tyler , News , Video

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Annalisa on

That’s strange, on her podcast earlier this year, she said she has NEVER wanted kids. Soooo….is this just for ratings?

lou on

awwwwww…i can completely relate. its such an emotional rollercoaster and it makes your heart hurt. i hope she can find peace. all the best to her and her hubby. i get why she didnt want to share, far too many opinions and questions from people who just dont get it…

Greta on

Very brave woman and I applaud her decision to speak about it. It is not something she should be ashamed of or something that any woman should be ashamed of, and the more it is talked about openly, the easier it will be for people to deal with I think. I hope that her and her husband consider other options because I get the sense that she and her husband really would love to have children.

Peas & Tanks on

So heartbreaking. But by sharing her story she is helping so many other women/couples who struggle with infertility to know they are not alone. I wish her and her husband luck on their journey to parenthood, no matter how it may enter their lives.

Erin on

If not adoption, she should look into surrogacy! Look at what happened for Giuliana and Bill!

RR on

Wow, sad. Hope she explores having a child through a surrogate.

Lola K 715 on

My heart goes out to Aisha and her husband. I have had 3 miscarriages and can tell you that it’s devastating and something that your heart never fully recovers from. I cannot understand the heartbreak of having IVF treatments not work though as I couldn’t put my body and heart through that hell. It’s frustrating for those of us when our female bodies betray us. Not every woman wants children but for those of us who desperately do, it is a heartache that just won’t quit. I pray Aisha and her husband will find some peace through this struggle. There are so many children in this world who desperately want and deserve good parents… I’m sure Aisha and her husband will find their angel soon enough! God Bless!!!

Anonymous on

Annalisa maybe she was saying she did not want them because of what they were going through. I am a woman that has suffered from two miscarriages and it hard for me to think about not having children. I would love to have them but there are other avenues to take. I would have to adopt if I cannot do it naturally because I cannot attempt IVF or have a surrogate because of my clotting disorder.

Anonymous on

Such a sad story. Hope everyhting works out for her.

Nobody knows on

I wonder why some woman wait so long to have a child. A woman is high risk at 35 a normal healthy woman. If she been married 21 years I wonder why it took her 19 years to do Ivf? Just a question. We know some woman just can’t have children but age can be a factor. I loved when Martha Stewart daughter talked about how she couldn’t get pregnant and that most people who our at that fourty plus use someone’s else eggs. I have endometriosis I had surgery 2 years ago. I have a son and I want more kids at 31 my doctor tells me Sooner than later would be better, time is not my friend.

LM on

I’m just impressed she’s 42 and been with the same man for 21 years. Very impressive these days. I hope she gets the family she wants.

Deedee56 on

Heart breaking. I am trying now, without any luck so far. Kudos to her for sharing her struggle and best of luck, whatever she decided to do!

gracie on

This is sad but she is 42…the odds are stacked against any woman that age. I know, I know ….Halle Berry & Gwen Stefani are the most recent high profile woman over 40 who are pregnant to be but statistically, it is not the norm. Every woman has a finite number of eggs and it varies from woman to woman. The vast majority of woman have very few viable eggs left past the age of 40.

Kris on

I wonder when they started working on having a family? Had I married, I definitely would not have postponed motherhood. I am 40 and I have been trying to conceive for almost 3 yrs and do not have the money for any more treatments. Infertility is even harder when you can’t afford alot of treatment. I don’t even care about the biological part anymore, I just want to be a mom. Aisha and her husband have lots of options. I hope she can be at peace with whatever she chooses.

sweets on

I’m so sorry to hear this. As a woman who went though many years of infertility I can relate.

Annalisa, when I was going through my infertility battle I would sometimes tell people my husband and I were not interested in kids right now. Sometimes its just easier to say that rather than open up fresh wounds and explain your infertility especially to people you don’t know too well.

I wish Aisha all the best on her journey to have a family.

Anonymous on

Gracie and Nobody knows,
She didn’t say she just started treatment. As far as what I heard, she has been undergoing it for a long time. Infertility can strike woman at a very young age. My friend has been battling it since her young 20’s.

Anonymous on

Annalisa, where is the link to that. I have never heard her say that and can’t imagine that. Would love to hear it.

Lala on

How do you know she just started trying? She could have been trying for 21 years! As someone that suffers from infertility, my husband and I tried to get pregnant on our own for 2 years, before turning to doctors. Sometimes you’re just in denial, and it takes you awhile, to turn to other avenues. Even after contacting doctors, you have to go through testing (which can only be done at certain times during your cycle), and then rounds of fertility medication, then iui and clomid – before turning to invitro. So it’s not a simple do it in one day task. For some people it takes years, and right timing.

Selena on

They werent married for 21 years. How hard is it to proofread? Regarding her issues, it will be very difficult to know you can’t do the most natural thing a woman is capable of.

However, instead of the agony of IVF, if they want a biological child they can do what other lazy Moms are doing, get a surrogate. Not saying she’s lazy, but I’ve seen many women do this because they are too cool to be bothered with carrying a baby for 9 months.

They can have their child and move on with their lives. If the problem is with her eggs, then by all means please consider adoption. Too many kids in the states who don’t have a home. She seems down to earth, so she could be a very cool Mom.

Go for it and good luck!

Lesley on

I think many of us can relate to her story. She’s very brave and my heart goes out to her.

Lisa54 on

I found this so apparently there was a podcast. Not sure if it will help you but people are commenting on her saying she didnt want kids.

http://www.lipstickalley.com/f216/video-aisha-tyler-explains-why-she-doesnt-have-kids-308121/index2.html

Or just google. It’s lipstick alley ???

I hope the best for her though her voice annoys me for some reason. MYOK!

Sherae on

This is sad. Especially when dirt bags like Kim Zolciak can keep popping out children so easily.

sachanikoll on

That’s exactly what I was thinking Erin.

Holiday on

That’s why it’s not smart to wait until late 30s and 40s!

Karen on

I went through the same thing. We chose not to use donated eggs or use a surrogate, but to adopt a child who already was already here and needed a home. We adopted from foster care. Absolutely the best thing we could ever have done! We were placed with a beautiful 8 mo baby boy. He is the light of our world!

Kat on

Married for 21yrs, why did they wait so long to have kids? Sad…

Walking in Divine Wisdom on

Wow! It may happen when she least expect it to. Plus, she has an option to adopt. Either way its not over until God says so.

exit82 on

Sorry lady- you don’t get my sympathy vote- I’ll save that for someone who is 31 and wants to start a family and struggles for 10 years -not someone who waits till they are 41 and decides at the LAST MINUTE -and tries for a year or so after her eggs have gone bad- you should have tried sooner but your “career” was too important-

Bre on

Oh my heart breaks for Aisha and her husband. I am actually sitting here with tears in my eyes. As someone who has just recently done the IVF process, I completely understand the heartache, expense, and PAIN! The suffering of infertility is something I do not wish upon anyone. I commend her for speaking about it and sharing her thoughts to provide comfort for others. Wishing them the best of luck on their parenting journey!

Sylvia on

I cannot imagine how she must feel, however, I hope she considers surrogacy before looking into adoption. I mean, it would be nice to try that avenue before considering adoption. Then again, its her choice.

I wish her and her husband many blessings.

kris on

I know exactly how she feels, as someone that has been trying to conceive for a great many years. It is sad that some poor excuse of ‘parents out there”, and then people who really want kids and deserve them and cannot have them. All I can do is pray and if it is God’s will then I will a child. But I can say that it is a very sad and depressing thing to “fail” at the one thing women should be able to do, I mean we were put here to procreate. :(((

C on

Selena,

They were married in 1992, which means that yes, they have been married for 21 years.

Shopgirl on

I really have to thank my gynecologist. During a routine exam when I was 34 she asked we were planning to have children. I told her we would “in a few years” there was time. She spoke very seriously and said a lot of women my age were under the impression that getting pregnant past 38 would not be a problem. She said women are seeing so many celebrities have children later, they think they can too. They don’t realize all the “help” they are getting with fertility etc. Thankfully we started trying and 2 miscarriages later we had our daughter. If I had waited, I may have squandered the opportunity.

Holly on

I bawled watching this. Totally brings back the pain I was in. I was saying those same words two years ago. My husband and I tried for 7 years with no luck. When we saw 3 different doctors the labelled it….unexplained. We didn’t go as far as IVF but did IUI 3 times and had the emotional roller coaster of trying for so long. One day I looked at my husband and thought I don’t want to lose him in all of this…he looked as exhausted as I felt. I told him I think we should stop trying it’s just not happening.

We decided for our anniversary to get a puppy. For the first time in 7 years I was focusing on something else. 5 months later I got the biggest surprise of my life. On my 36th birthday I found out I was pregnant and now we have a beautiful 9 month baby girl. I hope that Aisha never gives up. I was so sick of people saying to relax and it will happen when you least expect it but it did.

aimee on

Stop eating gluten at least a year or two before you want to conceive. Not kidding. It poisons the endocrine system and interferes with conception. Been there, done that. It might sound too simple or too “trendy” but it’s the honest truth. It is obviously not the source of ALL conception problems but it is definitely the source of many. Good luck to anyone trying to conceive.

Anonymous on

Holiday, shocking you are here to chime in….really shocking. You wouldn’t have sympathy for your own children.

Infertility can strike in your teens, twenties, and young thirties. She has been married for 21 years. She is sharing her story now, not saying that she just started.

TJ on

I agree Annalisa, I have seen several interviews where Aisha has said her and her husband don’t want kids. She said it on The View and even on an episode last year of The Talk. I thought it was strange and wondered if it was for ratings too. I know someone can change their mind but it never seemed like it was her career why she didn’t want kids. She just didn’t want kids….

4tmama on

God Bless you..I cried watching this..having struggled w secondary infertility, and going through shots, my heart breaks for you. Find peace in your decision, & I pray that you & hubby, if it is in the cards, get pg, adopt, use a surrogate.. <3 :-*

Heather on

I give her much praise for the courage to take time and to talk about this with everyone. Women don’t want to talk about this and certainly most whether having ogne through this or not, don’t know how. it is the most emotional taxing process and she was speaking so frank about it that I applaud her. the shots do hurt, the husbands do cry, it is a wound to take time and heal. thank you for discussing an extremely personal journey and being honest and sharing your feelings with us.

Lacey on

Aisha would be a great mom, I thing there will be a baby in her future. There are so many that need a good home.

Isabel on

Holiday, infertility can occur at any age. It doesn’t surprise me that you’re unaware of such a fact since you think any woman over 25 is too old to procreate.

Anonymous on

I totally understand her pain. After 12 years of marriage I have 2 beautiful daughters but it took us 9 fertility treatments. It was ver difficult emotionally, financially and physically but I wasn’t willing to give up. I think it helped that I went to see a specialist as soon as I noticed there was something wrong. I started treatments at 24.

Edie on

Do not like this show AT ALL! Having said that, I hope she heals well…

CattWoman on

Not knocking her honestly. But something’s unsettling.. NOT being said. Married 21yrs has had 3 invitro attempts… really really wants a baby.. adoption nor surrogacy… especially surrogacy in Hollywood. Does she really want a child or is this about husband really wanting a child?

Alayna on

Husband of 21 years? Wow- she got married very young b/c she’s only 42. A lot of women struggle with fertility issues. My mom had trouble getting pregnant but she had a hard time holding on to the pregnancies- she has 4 miscarriages. She got pregnant 5 times though- I was the only one that worked out. I hope she does adopt and maybe a cjild a little older- like 3 or 4. There are so many children out there that need families- it’s nice to see people who influence others do something not as popular- adopt a child over the age of a year. I wish her and husband the best.

lester on

@Annalisa,

If this is so hard for her, I doubt she would just say in passing on her podcast.

Wellwisher on

I really like and appreciate the way she talks about her husband. Such love and respect especially after 20 years. I wish the best for them.

tiny dancer on

I felt that she was protesting too much on her podcast about not wanting children – she keeps her private life pretty close to the chest and some of her guests have pointed out that she and jeff would make good parents. I hope they heal and move one.

Stephanie on

I can relate. We’ve been trying for 4 years, and this just breaks my heart. It makes me so happy that she is telling her story.

EKo on

I’m in my very early 30s and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 4 years now. We’ve been to several doctors and we’ve made many lifestyle changes but no luck so far. When people ask about us having babies, a lot of time I just tell them, “we don’t want kids.” It’s easier and hurts less. I’ll even laugh and go into all the reasons why babies suck with them. It’s just an attempt on my part to make myself feel better about not having a family. It doesn’t mean I don’t desperately want one. Why should I have to open this wound every time that some nosy person wants to know why I don’t have babies? I feel for Aisha and hope she gets her wish one day.

fromheretomotherhood on

Thank you for sharing your story Aisha! This is such a hard struggle that I understand from a personal standpoint. I wholeheartedly believe we need to take the stigma away from infertility and public stories help others feel that they are not alone.

TJ on

I do appreciate her honesty. I think Hollywood has done a disservice to women in regards to a female’s fertility. It is refreshing to see a woman over 40 talk about the struggles. I was a little perplexed since she has often stated that her and her husband have never wanted kids. I hope the desire for a child was because she really wanted it and not because the option was no longer hers. I wish them the best.

Lila on

Things you should never say to someone dealing with infertility:

God has a plan.
If it’s meant to be it will happen.
You can just adopt!
I know how you feel, even though I got pregnant so easily.
Maybe this is God’s way of telling you that you are too old/young.

Infertility hurts. It’s like being punched in the gut every morning when you wake up. Day after day. I wish people could be more empathetic and sensitive.

laura jenkins on

i feel for her, my husband and i have been there and after almost years of trying for a child, we decide to adopt. we get our son in november and we cant wait! good luck to her

jones on

A big misconception is that infertility can’t be a problem if you have children when you are younger. I have several friends who tried to get pregnant in their mid-twenties and struggled for years and years. People should be supportive instead of merely saying she should have tried sooner to have children. I read in a different article that she has issues with a fallopian tube. Merely trying when she was younger would not remedy that issue.

Liz on

After trying for so long and not being able to conceive, she will have to go through a grieving process. Infertility is such an emotional roller coaster both physically and emotionally. Although you are not dealing with a death, you grieve over the fact that you will never have that special someone that is a part of you and your husband. Baby showers, weddings, family get togethers…any place where children are present will just bring you to tears. It’s a very hard thing to cope with and come to terms with.

David on

And yet *ARCHER SPOILERS*

her character on that show (Lana Kane) was revealed to be pregnant on the season finale. I can’t help but think that weighs on her a little.

Jay on

I feel for her as I went through infertility too. I got lucky and got pregnant with my amazing son. I think that you can get through all the unpleasantness of infertility if you are mentally strong and keep your eye on the prize which is having a baby or being a parent. In Aisha’s case she probably has the funds to pursue surrogacy or adoption. I wish her the best!! It is not an easy road but so worth it when you get to experience being a parent. My son is the love of my life and I wouldn’t do anything differently even though it was tough.

elaine on

I do hate it when people have added the ‘age’ reasoning. Sorry, but after having my first child at the age of 22, then when i was 23 we started trying again and after 3 miscarriages it took over 3 years before we had another child. When in my early 30’s we decided to add to our family, it took 5 years until we had another baby. When I turned 40, we were successful right away. So, it doesn’t matter if you are in your 20’s, 30’s or 40’s. It is just the cards that you are dealt with.

Sierra on

I feel the both sides of comment. People who sincerely feel empathy towards her pain and people ask ‘why did she wait til 40 yrs old” Maybe she was so focusing on her Careers in her 30s. Maybe she had other life issues that needed her full attentions. we don’t know her business. And since we don’t know, we should NOT judge and point out or blame her age. She seems a super nice real person. I hope she will find alternative path to get a baby.

Anonymous on

EKO, sorry you are struggling. I agree with you about telling people that you don’t want kids when you do because of infertility. My cousin is 32 and has been trying for 3 years. She is having infertility issues and just tells people she is happy with just her stepchildren and doesn’t want kids now, maybe later in life, but I know the truth.

Ana on

“Nobody Knows” You sound judgmental and ignorant -indeed you are a nobody who does not know that infertility comes in many shapes and forms and does not only (or mostly) depend on age, OK? And even if it were, it is none of your business to determine the “right” moment for a person to become a parent…Have you considered the fact that she did not want to have kids JUST because she was getting older??? Is that what you think is a good motivation for kids? If yes, I sure hope you are not a parent yourself

Mary on

I have been going through the same roller coaster. I know exactly how she is feeling and I am the same age as her.

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