Lisa Osbourne: 10 Weird Things They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy

04/11/2013 at 02:00 PM ET

Jack Osbourne Lisa Osbourne Pearl Clementine
Lindsay Louise Woolf

While pregnant with 11-month-old daughter Pearl Clementine, Lisa Osbourne (who is married to Jack Osbourne), found out pretty early on that not everything about having a baby is wonderful.

From weird pains and healthy foods to feed your baby to her dream hospital bag and newborn must-haves,ย she decided to create a blog to share her thoughts and experiences with other expectant women. Hence, Raddest Mom was born.

Now the new mom, 26, is spilling the beans on some not-so-comfortable topics (constipation, anyone?) to our readers. Check out her humorous take below.

1. You gag on everything in your first trimester. Well, at least I did. This includes but is not limited to: your toothbrush, the thought of whatever food is disgusting you that day, the smell of your husband’s cologne, etc. We all know about the nausea, but dry-heaving usually comes with it — and it’s even less cute.

2. You have weird dreams. During the beginning of pregnancy, it’s really common to have vivid, eerie dreams. One minute there’s a giant Brussels sprout dancing around in a miniskirt and the next minute, you’re kayaking naked with Leonardo DiCaprio. It can be cool, so just go with it.

3. You drool more. Yes, it is true that pregnant women produce more saliva. Like, a lot more … as in three to four quarts a day. Don’t be surprised if you wake up with wet spots on your pillow. Tell your partner there’s a leak in the ceiling to divert the attention away from your juicy mouth.

4. You get really veiny. Have you looked at your chest lately? You can probably see a thick, blue-veined network under your skin (if you’re light-skinned). Don’t worry, you’re not turning into an avatar. This is normal. Your blood flow is increased and your body is pumping the nutrients to your baby through these freaky-looking things.

10 Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

5. Your boobs hurt. Lots of women say their breasts hurt really bad at the very beginning of pregnancy. I know mine did. At the time, mine were so sensitive that a strong gust of wind was painful.

6. You get heartburn a lot. I was one of those lucky women that started getting heartburn when I was five minutes pregnant. At the end of my pregnancy, I was sleeping fully propped up on pillows to try to avoid it. So, um, good luck with that. I feel for you.

7. You get constipated. Okay, this is a bit awkward, but everyone knows that in order to maintain mental sanity, one must be able to poop. Pregnancy constipation can be more painful than actual childbirth (so I’ve heard). Pump yourself full of water and fiber — daily — to avoid it. You don’t want to fall victim to this evil force.

10 Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

8. You get shooting “zinger” pains in your cervix. Somewhere around four or five months, you’ll feel these electric zaps shooting up into your vagina. The first time it happened to me, I fell to my knees and called my neighbor who was a nurse. The pain subsided in about two minutes. Apparently, this is normal. Prolonged pain, however, can be dangerous. Distinguish between the two!

9. You pee a little when you laugh. Sometimes, a sneeze or a giggle can make the pee trickle. See what I did there? Anyway, the weight of the baby on your bladder can cause a little incontinence. Sexy, right?

10. You’re excessively sleepy. I like to call this phenomenon “Pregnancy Narcolepsy.” In my first trimester, I would wake up in random places around the house or out on the patio in a lawn chair. It can feel a lot like you’re trying to stay awake on a sleeping pill — except not in a fun, Ambien kind of way.

10 Things They Don't Tell You About Pregnancy

Lisa Osbourne is a new parent and the creator of the hilarious and informative mommy blog, Raddest Mom.

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Showing 82 comments

MommytoanE on

Sounds to me like a lot of things I heard before pregnancy. Heck I think many of them are in pregnancy books and web pages.

Melissa on

LOVED this Lisa, thank you. Sometimes you just have to laugh or it’s all too much!

Megan on

“They Don’t Tell You” would imply these are things most people haven’t heard about. Which this article fails to do. It’s hilarious how every celebrity thinks they’ve discovered unique new pregnancy symptoms.

Amelia on

C’mon, she’s clearly being tongue-in-cheek. A couple of you need to chill.

Lyrak on

The main thing I found out that no one had told me was how much childbirth was going to HURT! Oh. my. god. Why did none of my sisters, sisters-in-law, friends or my mother–for Pete’s sake–tell me how freaking much labor pains and delivery were going to HURT! Granted, once the contraction has subsided there’s no residual pain, but dayum.

Anonymous on

Oh Megan lighten up, it’s funny. She’s not touting that she knows It all. She obviously didn’t hear about that stuff occurring before she got pregnant, you did. Everyone has different situations.

Pam on

1-7 are exactly what I am feeling!!! Thank you, Ms. Osbourne, for making me feel normal. I am not one of those touchy-feely moms-to-be, so her blog is exactly what I need!

butterfly on

ok its not weird, you want weird? Your farts smell worse LOL

American Mom on

The blog was funny, but butterfly, your comment was hilarious! Lol!

Tara on

Oh my god yes

Ginger on

Um Lyrak, you’ve heard of epidurals, right? Why do you think everyone wants one. Yes, delivery is painful. I had my kids long ago and was able to get what they call twilight sleep. I bonded just fine with the kids when I woke up. Lisa’s writing is cute. She and Jack look so happy.

Bethany on

Lyrak- I thought everyone knew labor was extremely painful? Never have I been under the impression that it didn’t hurt like hell.

Erin on

Wait wait wait! I have that same Leonardo DiCaprio dream all the time and I’m for sure not pregnant! ๐Ÿ˜‰

cj on


Erin on

I hear that, my second pregnancy was so awful….I swear I have ptsd from it! lol

misery chick on

Hey Erin, I’m WAY past making babies & I also have the SAME dream~Leo is delicious at ANY age!

Heather on

I love it!!! I was lucky and didnt have most of those things, but the “zinger” pains……I thought I was the only one who had those lol

AKM on

Try reading a book once in a while. I’ve heard of all of these.

Kmm on

Not that fucking serious AKM. You’ve said what a number of people already pointed out, that actually isn’t too important. It’s a blog. Get a life.

LuvLeeRita on

Lisa, you are amazing! I’m going to try making butter.

Elena on

Yes, all of these are kind of common, but I’m still glad she mentioned the dry-heaving. It’s so annoying and goes all day, and I never even knew about it.

Kellie on

Ah yes ! The many joys of pregnancy. My fave. When i was 7 months pregnant with my 5 th child, feeling fine, eating lunch, in the middle of lunch, without warning, morning sickness took over and it all came back up. Fun times!

Datch on

This article should be titled “10 Weird Things They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy That You Don’t Know If You Don’t Bother To Learn or Read or Ask Anyone About Pregnancy”. EVERYONE knows these things about pregnancy…even people who have never been pregnant. How ridiculous.

jerseymom on

Calm down… It’s a cute article. It’s not meant to be rocket science material.

Cindy on

Wrong! I’ve never been pregnant and I have never heard of this stuff and I have four sisters that have kids.

Lynne on

Thank you Cindy. I would think this article would be for women who haven’t had kids yet. Just a light hearted something-to-look-forward-to.

amanda on

Datch, I’ve never heard any of these things and since I I have been trying to get pregnant, I really enjoyed the article. Not all women have been studying up on what it feels like to be pregnant.

MistressJ on

Sometimes its just nice to laugh..because you know this is all true… especially after you survived the 1st trimester ๐Ÿ™‚

Liz on

Hell I STILL do 1-10! Nope not pregnant just 52! ๐Ÿ˜‰

misery chick on

OMG LIZ, couldn’t have said it better than my 53 year-old self ๐Ÿ™Œ

Anna on

Luckily for me other than the sleepy thing NONE of these happened to me BUT everyone is different so I’m glad she posted these for people to maybe know they aren’t crazy. I was in labor for 5 days NO epidural because I wanted to do an all natural birth (NOT everyone gets one.) but I knew going in it was going to hurt like hell. LOL

Kelly on

when i got pregnant I knew nothing about pregnancy except that labor wasn’t fun. I had no clue I would get heartburn or be so extremely tired or that my boobs would KILL me. My female relatives never really explained pregnancy to me. We never had conversations about that…I did buy What to Expect When You’re Expecting and it confirmed all I was feeling was normal and made me a nervous wreck for everything that could go wrong. This was back in 1988 so I am sure it was an early edition, but it wasn’t the greatest book for a first time pregnancy in my opinion…if I had read Lisa’s blog waaayyy back then it would have put me at ease!

Mar on

Ok sooo i did not – repeating- Did Not! Know this stuff prior to pregnancy like others did – this is a fun relatable article. I too did not feel fuzzy and warm about the what to expect when expecting book either. It was a bit overwhelming. Anywho I enjoy reading about others experienced so thank u!!

WiddoMouse on

And in payment for these ten inconveniences you get a beautiful healthy baby. Sounds like a fair trade to me.

Cori on

Lighten up, Datch! As a Registered Nurse, I can tell you that many women, even medical professionals, are surprised by some of the events that occur during their pregnancies. Every pregnancy is unique! Instead of judging, why don’t you embrace the honesty of this sweet article?

Reesca on

Ahh yes, the fun parts of pregnancy. My youngest is 4 months old so these memories are still very clear for me. It’s funny how in the beginning of your pregnancy, all you want to do is sleep, but at the end, you want to sleep but you can’t.

My only regret was not educating myself more on the different types of labors. With my first I thought I was in pain, but it was so easy. I was able to quickly get an epidural and felt nothing for the rest of my labor. My second was posterior and I had back labor. Her positioning kept her from moving down the birth canal and keeping me from progressing, thus not getting an epi. The contractions were so close that you couldn’t recover before the next one came. After 8 excruciating hours, I twisted my body just right during a contraction and I went from 2cm to the baby crowning. The nurse had to catch her.

I loved this article, however I wish to see more articles on here about child birth to help educate others.

Jenn on

I read a ton of pregnancy books and not one mentioned the dry heaving or the drooling. I was totally unprepared for that and it was bad with my first child. And not everyone reads the pregnancy books. I for one thought the article was cute and funny.

TiredMommy on

I like her.

judgespawn on

they also don’t tell you that you pee like that forever

robinepowell on

Makes me glad I never had kids, lol! :p

CCex on

Here’s one I never knew, the first post birth pee burns like nothing else. Nobody warned me on that. And your boobs will likely look like tube socks after breastfeeding.

stepherc on

YES to all of this. It’s true – we hear snippets or read about it and think some of this stuff MIGHT happen. But heck yeah, all of it. I get more gunk in my eyes, far too much drool, pain pain pain, pukey, gaggy, swelling… the list goes on. It’s not glowy and beautiful, it’s gassy and agonizing! Thanks for the laugh.

azriel on

I wouldn’t call them “zinger” pains. Me and the wife of one of my cousins agreed it’s what we figured being stabbed with a knitting needle in the hoo-ha would feel like.

lauralee on


Lana on

Ccex: My breasts didn’t change through pregnancy nor breastfeeding. I look just the same as before having a child. Every body is different. ๐Ÿ™‚

I was really shocked about the lochia. Eeew. I didn’t know it would be so disgusting and messy. Nobody really talks about it. The bathroom looked like a slaughterhouse.

Lana on

I forgot to add: Beautiful family picture. And such an รผbercute baby ๐Ÿ˜€ Jack looks very handsome.

Rhonda on

She’s absolutely correct about many of these things.

V. on

All things they DO tell you.

What’s more not told is the more frequent sneezing, hemorrhoids, gum bleeding, enlarged feet……etc.

prosas25 on

Loved this!!!!!!!!! I am a masters student with no children but I have a sister with whom I am very close and is pregnant with her second child. I am learning that pregnancy is NOT the fantasy-like state that the movies portray via her experience. It’s important for us girls to know what TRULY awaits.

Thanks for being so funny and frank about it. It’s nothing to fear – but SO good for us to know about and be aware of, so we know what may happen and not be worried that there’s something wrong with us. Thank you!

Ann on

Nobody nor any book can truly prepare one for LABOR which is like trying to pull your bottom lip over the top of your head then the PUSHING begins but its all worth it in the end…….

Jenna on

Weird dreams for sure! in my first trimester, i once dreamed of a giant brownie driving an old pickup truck ๐Ÿ™‚

Tasha on

Oh, you must not forget the hemorrhoids. I didn’t read any books or take classes so I had no clue what to expect.

Also, don’t forget the episiotomy. Some ladies are blessed without having to have this barbaric snipping done. I, on the other hand, wasn’t so fortunate. Thank goodness for epidurals.

Ceetee on

Thank goodness someone mentioned hemmies Tasha! Lol… The real elephant in the room.

cat on

I experienced every single thing she mentioned when i was pregnant with my baby girl. I really enjoyed the lucid, vivid, strange and erotic dreams, that part was fun. Painful boobs was my first pregnancy sign. The smells out in the streets like garbage and smoke made me wretch every time. A nice hemmorohid hanging out of my bum after pushing out a 8 pounder. Ahh good times. That’s why I have one and only one. Pregnancy and child birth is not easy for everyone, and i dont want to revisit it.

tina on

I wish people would stop pretending to be speaking for the masses!

my breasts were only tender in the first couple of months, and constipation only occurred during the last month. I NEVER experienced ANY of the other symptoms with either of my full term babies.

sorry for her!

IMO on

I love this article. I agree with other posts. Some of you need to lighten up. She is a first time mom. Do you remember when you were a first time mom?!?!?!?!

TB on

@ butterfly LOL! I am so glad I am not the only one thinking that because that is so TRUE!

Lindsay on

Orrrrrrrr you have none of those symptoms… My pregnancy was smooth sailing, can’t wait to do it again!

Aisha on

Careful Lindsay,

My sister’s first was smooth sailing. Now in her second with really strong symptoms. Every pregnancy is different.

That said, I hope yours are all like your first. ๐Ÿ˜„

Stacey on

Glad to see that I’m not the only one who had heartburn for the ENTIRE 9 months! What I would give to be one of those women who were just………………………….Tired!

Marisela on

@tina “people should stop speaking for the masses”???? What are you talking about? Congratulations on your breezy and un-eventful pregnancy, but you’re not the majority. They write books on these symptoms because they are typical to most pregnancies. There is no book out called “How to Cope With a Symptom Free Pregnancy”

I love that women share these stories. I’m 4 months into my first pregnancy and haven’t escaped one symptom. And, every woman I speak to has been through this as well. Bottom line- very few woman can get through pregnancy with a little boob ache and that’s all.

KC on

It was a cute article. Lighten up. For those of you who are saying “everyone” knows this stuff- did you happen to stop and think that maybe this would be beneficial for the husband/boyfriend? They may not know all of this random stuff that happens to their partners.

R on

Ambien is a dangerous prescription drug. There is no joke about it. I had a friend who walked across street (sober – mind you) and was hit by a car driven by a woman who was on Ambien. She continued on driving onto a the wrong side of the highway.

I agree with all that the new Mrs. Osbourne has to say but I urge readers to be careful on Ambien. Luckily my friend has recovered after the accident but any time Ambien is mentioned I feel that I need to mention the potential draw backs.

Crystal on

This article is cute. I think all new moms try to share their newfound experiences with others. It’s the only way to commiserate with parents and to speak and give your own personal experiences.

@Datch- Obviously not everyone knows these things happen during and and postpartum. I didn’t. Plus, other mothers gave their own stories and that was great. I don’t have children of however when I do I will fall back on this article for the awesome suggestions.

Thank you Lisa. :))))

Dorothy on

This blog was really helpful. Some of the things like โ€œyou get really veinyโ€ I didn’t know. With my 1st pregnancy I did not experience none of these at all. Now things have changed. With my 2nd preg I feel nauseous, everything just smells awful and I like 2 sleep all de time. Keep up de good work.

bdawn8403 on

I am 5 months today and I have only had like 2 of those things. Also, a good bit of this is already common knowledge.

Melissa on

I don’t know if a lot of other women experience this when they are pregnant but from the time i was 3 months up until i had my second child who was a boy,i had to use the bathroom every hour and a half during the night.So for seven months i hardly got any sleep.I kid you guys not lol,i woke up every hour and a half on the dot to go too the bathroom.It was soo exhausting and the night i had him was the first time i slept all the way through the night in seven months.

Kim on

Good grief, some of you need to LIGHTEN UP! She’s doing this tongue in cheek. Besides, a lot of women DON’T know these things before they get pregnant. I didn’t. Some of us don’t sit around reading every book or online article ever written about pregnancy. SMH….

Donna on

Increased vaginal discharge should be included on this list.

Nunya on

10 Things they dont tell you after pregnancy:
1: baby spit up is not cute.
2: baby daddy gets the dry heaves changing poopy diapers
3: the lack of sleep look is not sexy
4: the lack of sleep makes you fall asleep in weird places
5: somebody without kids always have the most advice
7: babies cry the loudest in quiet places like church
8: your baby is always the cutest in the world
9: you can now blame your farts on baby when you are in public
and 10: on your baby’s 25th birthday, you still pee when you sneeze, laugh or cough!

LynziH on

It’s truly scary to me to read these comments and see how all of these MOTHERS speak to each other. I had a pretty rough pregnancy having an autoimmune disease and thought this article was very cute. Did none of you keep journals? We should bash her for what? Her husband is famous so her journal is in people, too many self riteous mean woman out there!! Thought this was very cute and so is their family :)))

Ashley on

I hear all of those things all the time. And there’s this new book called What to expect when your expecting I hear it lets you in on a few of the above mentioned pregnancy issues.

Anonymous on

What? The title of the article should be: 10 things they tell you about pregnancy.

Awwwshucks on

Such cutie pies…..

Heather on

she described my pregnancy EXACTLY

amy on

This was hilarious. She obviously has a great sense of humor.

kitty62862 on

This is too funny!

It is also very true! I went through most of this.

I also experienced ‘brain takeover’, I went for an afternoon walk to a bagel shop to get my favorite snack:

Poppy seed bagel with butter, Snapple Peach tea.

Somehow, I ordered a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, and chocolate milk.

Stranger still, I dunked the bagel in the chocolate milk (normally, I would never, ever dunk)

shawncmc on

Totally true, and I wish that I had been told these things before my first pregnancy. I would walk around thinking, “why didn’t anyone TELL me about this?!”

Lisa on

Eating Papaya would take care of #6. ๐Ÿ™‚

Sara on

Everyone’s body is different in nature… Books, books, books and more books…. What they don’t tell you is how much money it’s gonna cost ya raising the child! OMG

Anonymous on

CONSTIPATION. Leaving work early because you’re crying in pain…..wondering how the neighbors never called the cops because of the screaming…..ahhhh, pregnancy โค LOL.

Brandy on

I think we are two of the same. I haven’t drooled…yet, but I am no stranger to choking on my own saliva. Thanks for this.