Moms & Babies

Celebrity Baby Blog
Celebrity Baby Blog

Drew Barrymore: Women Can’t Have It All – and Here’s Why

04/05/2013 at 04:00 PM ET

Drew Barrymore Lucky Magazine
Donato Sardella/Wireimage

It seems like Drew Barrymore can do it all: act, direct, produce, run businesses and be a mom — but she confesses that is far from the truth.

“I can’t and I don’t,” Barrymore said at Lucky‘s Fashion and Beauty Blog Conference Thursday in Los Angeles.

“It sucks when you’ve worked really hard for certain things and you have to give them up because you know that you’re going to miss out on your child’s upbringing, or you realize that your relationship has suffered.”

For the new mom to 6-month-old Olive — her first child with husband Will Kopelman — this has meant giving up one of her biggest passions: directing.

“I can’t direct right now because I would miss out on my daughter. It was heartbreaking to let it go, but it was a clear choice,” Barrymore explains.

“I was raised in that generation of women can have it all, and I don’t think you can. I think some things fall off the table. The good news is, what does stay on the table becomes much more in focus and much more important.”

While she no longer directs, the first-time mom currently has two flourishing new businesses under her belt, Barrymore Wines and Flower cosmetics, and manages to run them without missing out on diaper duty too often.

“The work-at-home component is brilliant,” says Barrymore, 38. “I was doing all my business meetings between 12 and 2 because that’s when my daughter was napping, and it helped tremendously!”

Those times when she can’t work from home, the actress admits she does feel some remorse.

“I feel guilty all the time — but you combat it by being a superhero,” says Barrymore. “When you go out there in the world you have to remember, ‘I’m doing the best I can, I’m doing it for them, and I’m going to be there for them too. I’m just going to figure out the balance.'”

– Gabrielle Olya

Filed Under:

Your Reaction

Follow Us

On Newsstands Now

On Newsstands Now

Bindi Irwin: Remembering My Dad
  • Bindi Irwin: Remembering My Dad
  • Adam Levine's Wedding Details!
  • James Garner: 1928-2014

Pick up your copy on newsstands

Click here for instant access to the Digital Magazine

Advertisement

Add A Comment

PEOPLE.com reserves the right to remove comments at their discretion.

Showing 143 comments

Julie on

Yet , another know it all new mom. Hush up Drew. Enjoy your baby and get back to us in 20 years or so.

Anonymous on

Yup!

Anonymous on

She is just saying how she is experiencing motherhood, like almost all other women. It’s hard sometimes and it forces you to make decisions you didn’t expect. You don’t know what it is really like till you have children.

I admire her honesty. Do the best you can Drew and be kind to yourself.

Imzadi on

Drew is right…..when you choose to have a child, THAT CHILD is your first and foremost priority. Too many people out there try to juggle so many things in their lives, but the first few years of your child’s life, forming a bond, teaching them right from wrong, teaching them how to be kind and good people, is when they need you the most. Good choice, Drew!

Deb on

Drew has grown so much over the years! She has lived life to the fullest and I think she will make a great Mum and she is quite wise now. I think she is right. You can’t have it all. Men don’t try to, so why do women insist on trying to load too much onto themselves!

Cindy on

Surprisingly, I actually don’t think she sounds like a know it all. She actually sounds pretty humble, like she’s struggling to find that balance.

Good for her for making her baby and relationship a priority over her career. I see women that don’t do that all the time here, and while they have more money than I do, it seems like they’re unhappy and missing out on the important stuff.

Mom of Three on

Right Julie, because only moms with twenty years of experience have insight to mothering or work-life balance.

Chi on

I don’t see what’s wrong with what she said…she’s right. I’ve been a mom for 3+ years now and you CAN’T have it all…at least I can’t. I work and I have my family but it’s really hard to keep it all balanced. Fortunately for her she has a flexible career. I’m happy for her!

DR on

What about the dad? Kids do best when both parents are taking responsibility. I wish more women were not so mommy-centric and would mention what the dad does (and pick dads that do their share – that’s one of the things you get when you take economic responsibility as a woman).

Finally! on

I’ve been saying this for years! No one can have it all….something always suffers.

Carrie M on

I totally love Drew. She’s so real. and she’s right – it’s hard to have it all and something ALWAYS suffers. I’d rather listen to her honesty than to all these other dim-witted celebritities going on and on about how wonderful and grand everything is. Enjoy little Olive now because one day you will discover that you can probably get back into directing.

So true on

She is right! That was one of the biggest lies we were once told. Both men and women can’t have it all once a child comes into their lives. And it is truly worth whatever must be put on the back burner for the good of your child/family!

guest on

amen, someone finally said it. I tried and it doesn’t work. “Balance” is just a euphemism for sacrificing your child’s need for security because it’s impossible to maintain a career if you sacrifice any part of your work.

Kay on

Julie, I can somewhat agree w/your sentiment, but it’s not entirely valid. In 20 yrs. the comments will be, “Oh, shut up, Drew. Your kids are grown and you’ve forgotten how demanding a small infant/child is.”.

These celebs can’t win against the haters. Oh, wait…they have, haven’t they? They’re the ones w/the $$$ and fame. We are just people who comment on their lives.

JadeMarie on

I admire Drew’s courage to make the right, tough decisions, and appreciate her honesty — very refreshing to hear what most of us know — we can’t do it all and do it well. Something’s gotta give. What’s yer problem, Julie?

Chloe on

She’s a smart woman! I agree! I am a business owner with twin girls and she said everything that I have been feeling! You are doing a great job Drew!

missy on

She’s right. If you’re a working mom, something always has to gets less, more hours in the office, less time with the kids. Take time off for your kids things, miss opportunities at work, sometimes. Forget about your own personal time. That never happens. But who cares. I give all I have to the kids and have no regrets. If my career progresses more slowly then so be it.

CinSweet on

How is she a know it all just because she has shared what she has found to be true for her and her family? Would you prefer for her to reply “No comment” any time she is asked a parenting-related question during interviews for the next 20 years? Goodness.

And People, this really isn’t a good title for this article. It doesn’t come close to capturing the essence of what Drew was saying.

Niovi on

Oh, so a FATHER missing the upbringing of his child is OK? Men can have it all because they are excused when they are lousy fathers, and women cannot because society told us being mothers is the only thing we are supposed to do right.

I lost all my respect for Drew.

MummyP on

I agree with her and truly feel like its ok to give something’s up because you be we never get the time back with your kids. I am a working mom too and had to step back a little to balance career and work. I will never regret that decision. :)

Zip on

THANK YOU! I’ve been screaming this from the roof-tops even BEFORE I became a mother! An entire daycare generation is out there being teens and raising the youth crime percentages WAY PAST the adult ones. Giving life also means nurturing and raising that life, not just popping it out. Thank you Drew for having the courage to just say it.

Gigi on

So you’re not allowed to discuss motherhood and the choices you make until your children are grown? That makes a lot of sense, Julie. Get off your high horse.

Kate on

Oh give it a rest Julie. She’s right. The worst thing you can teach your daughter is that they can have it all. Some things have to be sacrificed and it’s worth it when you do.

Anonymous on

Wow, Julie. It must be a sad life you lead in order to be so nasty and miserable towards someone you don’t even know. She was simply talking about her situation (not yours or anyone else’s) and how she is figuring out the balancing act if motherhood. You really shouldn’t be so judgmental.

Chrisesmom1998 on

I think Drew is very wise; and, has stated a truth. Am very glad she is focusing on what is important, her relationship with her husband and the needs of her child.

It’s good to know she is a hands on mother; and, not leaving her daughter into the care of others. Not every mother is in the financial position she is in to be able to stay at home with their children. Children do benefit from having the love and care of their mothers in the early stages of their development rather than leaving them in the care of nannies, babysitters; or, daycare providers who have no vested interest into loving and caring for these children.

Tina on

Why is there any negativity? She’s a new mom who’s realizing she has to choose between certain parts of her career and raising her child. I think it’s great that a celebrity is saying what so many deny! Congratulations and good luck, Drew!

Sally on

I think women can have it all. We just can’t have it all at the same time. You have to prioritize. Some things may have to be put on the back burner for a while.

Savvygirl on

Well said Drew! I tried to keep up with my career with two young children to no avail. I haven’t completely given up – just altered it drastically to be with my kids. The guilt was overwhelming. I don’t know a single person who has it all. If they act like they do it’s a façade.

Anonymous on

Your priorities definitely shift focus, and what I wish I had known when I was a mom of three little ones is not to let my identity get swamped by motherhood. It’s important to have balance, and now that my kids are a little older I’m redefining myself, I guess. Motherhood is definitely the toughest job there is though, and don’t let anyone judge your mothering style, whether you are a stay-at-home mom, or a working mom. You’re a mom, and you are awesome!!! :)

RegularGuy on

Now she understands the decisions fathers have to make.

D K on

Finally someone who realizes the truth. While we would like to think we can do it all we can’t. I give her lots of credit for putting her child first. She’s lucky to be able to do that. Most of us just have to keep plugging along and doing the best we can for our families and our jobs. Sometimes that doesn’t leave much time for ourselves.

B's Mom on

Finally someone has said it! I quit my 8am-6pm corporate job because you cannot have it all! My home relationships suffered greatly. When I put 100% in at work, my home life suffered, when I put 100% into my homelife, work suffered.

We have to stop pretending to be perfect and just do the best we can. And Drew is someone who can afford to hire nannies to help her out. Thank you for saying it.

Dana on

I have a 5 month old baby girl and I’m finding it so hard to juggle working and missing time with her. I’m glad to see someone else go through the same thing.

Erica on

Love what she said! This is a touchy topic because our generation was raised to believe we can wear all hats and nothing will suffer.

For me, trying to do everything caused me stress, guilt, and worry. It was very hard to give up my career, but thankfully I was able to because I have a supportive husband. I realize not everyone has that and that’s why a lot of parents must work. We struggle financially, but I would rather sacrifice material things than to miss out on being her for my kids.

I don’t think Drew’s intent was to make mothers who must work feel ashamed or even to imply that fathers being present is not just as important. In a way, I think she is trying to make it okay for moms to not pressure themselves into wearing too many hats. We feel like we are not contributing to our family if we don’t work outside of the home and that is not right!

Just my opinion on

What a very wise mom! There will always be people out there to say you don’t know everything, but what awesome start. Acceptance is the first key in being a mother realizing you are going to screw up now and again. That’s okay because that means you are human. Haters only make people like you and I more strong. When we are willed to do something no matter what anyone says they can’t break that bubbly spirit. We have to stay focused on the more important things and that is God and Family. Screw everything and everybody else!

Emilia on

Can’t we put the stereotype of the “unhappy career woman” to bed? Not everyone wants the same things in life, and that’s okay. Just because a woman has chosen a career over a baby, that does not necessarily mean she is unhappy and missing out in the “important stuff”.

Taylor on

Drew is 100% correct- if you try to have it all and at the same time you are setting yourself up for disappintment BIG TIME. Try this…raising children, working, fixing meals, cleaning, laundry, feeding the “fur” kids, walking them and oh yes, spending time with your significant other and see when you can fit a mani-pedi into that schedule. Listen girls WOMAN-UP and let reality sink in. Words take a back seat to real life.

Meg on

I couldn’t agree with her more! Things do fall off the table while trying to do it all and be a super hero, at least they wilI for me. i worked hard at my career and wanted to be the super hero and do it all, after I had my son, I realized I would rather be a super mom and a super wife, you can’t get back those precious moments!

Esquire on

Totally agree with Julie. While I necessarily disagree with Drew’s comments, I do find it distasteful, arrogant and silly when these celebrities who are moms for a few days/weeks or months make proclamations about motherhood. Wait a few years when they go to school or become teenagers before you make comments about motherhood.

Sotos on

I wish she would do another Charlie’s Angels movie with Cameron and Lucy. If nothing else as a positive role model for her olive ;)

Lali on

Where does she say anything about fathers in this article Niovi??? She is speaking of her experience as a mother. Stop putting words in her mouth!

Anonymous on

Couldn’t agree more. Women can’t have it all. It seems that as a working mom of 3 I’m constantly trying to find a balance. I think ultimately you have to choose what is a higher priority for you and focus on that. Thanks for your honesty Drew!

Lali on

I’m sorry but are you delusional Esquire? How does having a 6 month old make her less of a mother than that of a teenager? The second that child was born she became a mother!

Mary Alice on

Now that is REAL! Thanks, Drew.

Daisy on

Drew is totally right, of course, but she’s also one of the lucky few who chooses to work and can design her own schedule. Most moms in America are working longer hours than ever because they have to, to pay the bills and keep the family going, an exhausting struggle that never ends. We need more family-friendly employers.

Kelly on

I do agree with Drew, however I hope she doesn’t wait too long to get back into acting…..I’d love to see a Charlie’s Angels 3!!

Sarah on

Love her.

CaroleAnn on

It’s all a matter of stages and the choices you make during each one.

When my little ones were babies, I was like Drew. I could not imagine working full time and I so appreciate the fact I did not have to work due to economics. Part of our issue was my husband and I both had super demanding jobs. I had more of the temperament and the inclination and the desire, so I stayed home. I was lucky I even had a choice: Not all women have that opportunity.

As they grew older though, I found the empty nest loomed bigger and bigger every year, so I began to fill it and my plan is to ease back into some type of work when the kids leave for good. I will only be in my mid 50s, still pretty young.

Every situation is different and we women should try and not judge one on another. We all do what we can, with what we have to meet our very individual needs. Good for Drew for sharing her experiences.

LemonCello on

I like Drew and all but let’s get real. She has more money than most, there are nannies, housekeepers, chefs, personal assistants, trainers, etc., at her disposal. She’s right when she says women can’t have it all but that’s hard to hear from someone who has more than the average mom. Talk to me in the real world. I’ve been married for 32 years, raised two kids and worked, too. I may not have it all but I did this without the amenities afforded celebrities. Just once of like to see a celeb mom walk in my shoes.

Kim on

I think Drew has the right idea about her work focus. She’s not giving up her career, she’s just making some adjustments for the present. I did the same thing when my children were younger because it worked for us. Now, that they’re older I can start looking towards another professional direction.

Also, just because she didn’t mention her husband it doesn’t mean he’s not involved, too. I’m sure he shares in the responsibility as well, just differently.

Jones on

While I can appreciate her comments, I don’t think she understands what she’s saying. Yes, Drew has given up directing, but she’s launched two new businesses and she’s still producing movies. So, instead of balancing four business occupations along with motherhood, it’s now three which still requires a significant amount of balancing to do if you’re a mom or not. So for her to say women can’t have it all only really applies to women who are overtasked to begin with. So of course something’s going to have to give. Most non-celebrity moms equate “having it all” with one occupation (not four) and a child. I believe you can have a career and a child. Many women have done it well without sacrificing their families in the process. My mom did it successfully as well as my aunts.

Pinky on

The thing is women can’t have it all and neither can men. We all have to have balance.

amie on

Bull! That is why we still tackle the glass ceiling because you think women cant do it all when in reality we can! With the right balance anything is possible. Shut up!

Ivixen on

How refreshing! It’s true – you can’t do everything all of the time. Nice to see a public figure admit it. The Yahoo CEO who claims to have everything just passes her kid off to a nanny instead. It doesn’t work, and Drew gets it.

Anonymous on

*Claps for Drew* Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU x1000 for saying that you CAN’T have it all -because you can’t. You may be telling yourself you can do it all but really SOMETHING is suffering.

I am just glad she was brave enough to say it.

Linda on

This is true for basically all important relationships, not just parent-child ones – if these relationships are important to you, you will have to compromise on other things at times. But as women, it is really fundamental that we have that choice to make for ourselves, and not have it made for us by societal expectations (or laws). I for one like to have the choice to work and be a mother.

TiredMommy on

So true. I agree. She is not saying anything that is not the truth. Hard to do career and motherhood with the every present guilt of “missing” this or that with the kids. It all works out in the end (hopefully!)

Charlie on

I had to start working fulltime a couple of months after my 4th baby was born. Was supposed to be temporary, but ended up being for over 20 years. I missed out on so much and I was not around enough while the kids were growing up and now I am paying for it big time. Lot’s of moms are in the same boat as me.

what of it? on

If anyone is interested there was a great article by Anne-Marie Slaughter published last year in the Atlantic. “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

my honest opinion on

I agree completely. the good news is it will get easier as the baby grows into a child, and a teen, and then an adult… but i agree, when the baby is a baby, be home, be there….that baby is gonna grow up and you will not get that back! the baby may not remember if you were there ALL the time, but you will. I cherish those times and never look back and say, i wish i would have stayed home more…

Codi on

I’m calling BS on this socially-constructed concept of “having it all.” What the heck does that mean anyways? Shouldn’t women be striving for and supporting each other to achieve WHAT WE WANT as individuals? It is absolutely possible to have a satisfying career and a wonderful home life. It take tailoring to your lifestyle, location, economic situation, and career – not to mention effort to build the skills and habits it takes to balance effectively.

Instead of a number of comments judging Drew and others for their balancing choices, shouldn’t we applaud women for making the decisions that are best for them and their individual ambitions and situations?

Jen DC on

I think you guys come here to get an ego boost by mocking the struggles and thought processes of others. Get it through your head: We (the viewing, movie watching public) made these people celebrities, therefore helped them get into a position in which their opinions are solicited. If you either (a) don’t like the celebrity or (b) believe you know it all, please take yourself away and let the rest of us enjoy 5 minutes of mindless pleasure.

To me, it depends on what your “having it all” is. I don’t often get the guilt in motherhood – it’s not like DB didn’t understand she was an actress/director/business owner before getting pregnant, so why not work through the guilt in the 9 month (10 month) build-up to birth? I don’t think moms, regardless of how they take “time for themselves,” should feel guilty about it, whether it’s work, exercise, or developing a stronger bond with their adult partner.

I’m glad she’s enjoying motherhood and it’s good that we engage in these struggles publicly instead of hiding away. I think open discussion will go a long way to dispelling this whole “guilt” thing.

Cat on

It’s lovely that she has the luxury of giving up certain things in her life. Some of us don’t have a choice but to try and balance it all. I do think its both sweet and funny that after 6 months she’s coming out like her word is gospel. We all feel like that initially, but it changes as you go, we all learn and each child and scenario is different. Wish I could give up some of my jobs and play with my boy all the time, at 2 he is the funniest person I’ve ever met!

Seth on

You sound like a pretty bad mom Julie.

From a son

m on

You can have it all, just not all at the same time.

She will go back to directing. She’s just pressing “pause” on that for awhile.

NANCY on

I didn’t even have a child of my own and realize you can’t have it all. When I married I had 2 stepsons as part of the union. I love them to death but what a change in priorities! Life is a juggling act at best. If you have money, do you have time to spend it? If you have time, do you have enough money to play. If you have love, how does that affect your time and money? I think Drew has developed the wisdom she needs to move forward in her life and balance her choices!

gradywalton on

It is called putting others ahead of yourself . . . a beautiful character trait that is dying in our society. And as it dies, so do we.

Pam on

She is referencing, I think, what started with women’s lib. That whole idea that women should not have to give up high-powered careers or career aspirations for kids but instead should do both and not “sacrifice.” Hence all the women I know and know of who make a fortune, work 14 hours+ a day, and have nannies. Well of course they CAN do that, but has always made me wonder why bother having the child(ren)? If you aren’t going to raise them, what’s the point?

jocelyn on

I love this! It is a reminder to all that we can’t do it all but to focus on what is important (our kids) everything else will fall into place!

Lisa M. on

I agree with everything she said 100%. I wanted it all too, and felt remorse when I chose to stay at home with my kids instead of continue working at a career I loved. But, raising them hands-on, and spending a lot of time with them was more important to me, so that’s what I chose. Mommy guilt never stops though (with anything)!

gradywalton on

Barrymore’s honesty, especially for someone in Hollywood, is encouraging. This issue makes me wonder if some aspects of feminism have damaged mothers and relationships in ways unexpected decades ago. Oh well, there’s no fighting mother nature.

just me or... on

Even with a man’s help, you can’t run around expecting to have the same sort of life you had before, DR. She is saying it is important to be a nurturer…and that isnt beautiful thing.

sharon on

Why is it that they never ask new fathers whether they think they can ‘have it all’? Why is this a question only posed to women?

Sherri Long on

Drew is being very honest here and I admire that. She is putting her priorities in all the right places. She is a great mother and an awesome woman. I see her returning to Directing when Olive gets older. Right now, she is focusing on her baby and husband and that is important to her

estelle shelton on

Good for you, Drew! It is so TRUE that building a good relationship with your child/children is of primary importance. I admire you for giving up some things you love to do for the child you brought into the world. –And nothing is more fun than a happy, contented baby. I wish you well.

Anonymous on

I could not agree more. This idea that women can and should “have it all” is an American sickness. Family should be first to every family, for both mother and father.

Jonni on

I agree with her, you do have to make some sacrifices and prioritize what is important to you. I made the decision early on that given my background, personality, and choice of career that motherhood would probably not be a good idea for me. I would rather not have kids rather than try to force kids into a situation that would be disastrous for me and them.

Some have called me selfish for thinking that way, but I grew up around women who probably should not have been mothers and their kids suffered for it. Thankfully my parents taught me that just because I had the equipment for procreation didn’t mean I had to use it.

Guest on

Yes! Finally a public alternate view to the Marisa Mayer’s of the world. Having it all as a career woman and mom is impossible. Something always has to give. It’s not right or wrong. That’s just the way it is. This is so refreshing to see.

stockdale on

Women can have it all. Just not at the same time. And that actually is best because you should do one major thing at a time to savor it. In fact, men can’t have it all. Because even if fathers wanted to become stay-at-home dads for a phase, I don’t think most wives will be open to this at all. (I said most, there are of course exceptions).

Helen on

She’s right. By the same token, men can’t have it all either. We need to make choices about what’s important to us. For centuries, men were the bread-winners and women raised the children. Now we’re trying to find a balance, and it’s difficult when you realize you can’t do everything.

costateofmind on

IMO this article shows Drew at her most grown-up and rational. She sounds just like a normal mom. So glad that she is enjoying her child and family life. She will be that much better for it and so will her daughter.

Emry on

I know shes wrong because I am a mom and i do have it all, and im very happy. im a stay at home working mom, live close to all my friends and family, have a wonderful husband and beautiful daughter, that to me, means that I do have it all and i do it all too, but i enjoy doing it. what she chose was just too much over her head, and her own fault, i didn’t have to give anything up to be happy, i make it all work, and i don’t end my week being exhausted or stressed out.

Laura on

She’s right. Something has to give and hopefully you’re in a position where you can choose your family over a paycheck. Dad’s can’t have it all either though. It’s not a mom-exclusive truth.

congrats on

she’s right. thinking otherwise adds so much pressure and woman feel they arent good enough.

Missy on

Guess what, NO ONE can have it all. . .

Magnolia on

DR I’m sure People magazine only care to ask Drew what her challenges were as a mother, not necessarily what challenges they are facing as a family unit. You know, her husband isn’t famous, so obviously we don’t care what he thinks! *Sarcasm*

Anonymous on

I have a type A wife, probably like you, and she ended up happy with our kids when we had them, and with me (amazingly). Then one day she had time to pick back up on her executive career and was very happy. Then one day she became a grandma and toned down her executive job to spend time with Katie Faith, and she was in heaven. You may not know how it will turn out, but if you start well it will probanly end well. You set a good example, Ms Barrymore, and I hope our grand daughter finds such a role model.

Magnolia on

I hate to sound like a “baddie” here guest but rational people have been saying this for years! Feminism has been brainwashing women and trying to tell them that this was possible… That you could do all of these things and none of them suffer, that your relationship with your children would not suffer, that your work life would not suffer… They were wrong but just kept trying to tell people that everything would work out! Unfortunately, my personal childhood suffered from this and I would never try to hold so many things up in the air at the same time and take that away from my children now!

ShutUpJulie on

Women can’t have it all – love to see women being brave enough to say that.

Of course, I’m sure there are a lot of dads missing out on time with their kids who feel the same way.

BEN on

No one can have it all. Women have such screwed up values. They never give anyone credit for what is done to assist them. I am sure Drew has a nanny, gardener, house keeper, accountant, physician and the list goes on. Men do as much as women in raising children. Women just whine about it. Don’t believe me? Get a piece of paper go to any public place and watch. Give a point when a man does something for a child and when a woman does. One again the reality of the world is different from the ” cliche”

bstupido on

i don’t care much for barrtmore but she is right, “you can’t have it all”. that includes men too despite what the advertising media would like you to believe.
besides having everything leaves nothing to look forward to.

Julie on

I’m not a mother, but I value more the opinions of my own mom and my grandmother, because they have been there from start to finish so to speak. I’m not saying new moms aren’t “real” mothers or don’t have to make touch choices, but compared to a mother who has already raised someone from birth to adulthood their experience is very limited.

I think younger woman( and men) would do well to listen to the advice of older people.

ddd on

good for her.

Two things:

1)I saw some comments on how women can’t have it all because “someone has to cook, clean, take care of pets” etc. Those comments are ridiculous. Why? Because people who have made it in entertainment industry (I am not talking about the ‘starving artist’ here, but about people of Drew’s rank) typically have these things: a cleaning woman, a dog walker, a cook and a driver. A make up artist, hairdresser, mani-pedi person often goes to their homes. And they work from home.

I work in entertainment industry and believe, here in New York City, if you pay 50.000$ in property tax for your apartment you can afford to delegate anything that has to do with household as well as pay people to come to your house. This is a different world from which most of you live in. If a woman decides to spend her time with her kids, awesome, especially because she can afford to pay someone to do it for her.

2) What about the father? Since when the father is not supposed to take part in child-raising? Technically he can sit her half of the time.

3) If you have kids, forget about spending time with your spouse. True, if you have no money. They have, so whenever they wish they hire a sitter and go for a nice date. Noone is missing out anything there – what’s the point of having kids if you can’t keep flame going in marriage?

LM on

I’m one of those who disagrees with DB on this point – because I feel I do have it all. Life isn’t perfect by any means; whose is? But I have a successful career and a son that I have a very wonderful relationship with. I also have close family and friends that I enjoy spending time with.

I really don’t know what “having it all” means to Barrymore, but my life works for me. I wouldn’t give up my son for a career or my career for my son. They are both very important aspects of my life and I’m glad to live in a time when I don’t have to choose between one or the other.

akamomma on

She is speaking from her experience and using “I” statements – not giving advice or telling others what to do. She speaks of her guilt, disappoint and heartbreak over her choices. Not really understanding the bitterness expressed by others in the comment section.

We all know she grew up fast and hard and made some really poor choices, but it seems she has learned a lot and is making choices based on how it effects the ones she loves and herself – which is more than can be said about a lot of people. Good luck to Drew and her family.

Anonymous on

Finally an article that I identify with. I agree with her.

Megan on

I agree with her. Women can’t have it all, unfortunately. As a feminist, I want to have it all, but I simply cannot.

She seems pretty smart.

Megan on

Thank you, Drew. While I am very grateful to the women that came ahead of me who worked hard to ensure the doors would be open for my generation, I do not care for the implication that women should want to “have it all”, i.e., marriage, kids, and career. Glad to see a person, whom most would consider to be more liberal, sharing her choices in a context that may not sit well with a lot of her peers and mentors.

Leah on

Well stated, Drew! It’s very difficult to let go of a job/career you once enjoyed, the freedom to come and go as you please, etc., but in the end it’s the child/children who need to be put first and foremost above all else. As a preschool teacher, I see some children with nannies, who seem to be great caretakers, but the kids themselves seem a bit lost or extremely shy and unsure of themselves in class..not always, but it’s definitely there moreso than the children I teach who have their moms or dads pick them up each and every day.

Anonymous on

so true, life is about balance and having it all is extreme

ecl on

“Not having it all” is just this lame cliche that we’ve come up with to bash feminism and women who work while letting me and business off the hook. Companies now demand to own our lives just because we work there. That is the real problem!! Why do we all attach each other instead of the business world?

I personally feel that I can work and care for my child. My husband does 50 percent, as it should be. But our real struggle is not with each other or with some lame guilt that we are supposed to feel, but with our jobs that are constantly attempting to take away family time. But as long as we keep fighting each other, they will win out and women will be blamed and made to feel like the struggle is inside of themselves.

As the data show, most women want to work after children, but they leave work after getting pushed out of their jobs by unscrupulous employers.

Desiree Willis on

Funny dads can have a career and be a good father, but women can’t. I used to admire you Drew. No more.

liz on

I agree when I had my son it took a while for me to figure things out and I struggled to find that ” balance”. When I would drop him off at daycare for work I always felt so guilty like a lot of moms I didn’t want to miss out on anything but I also needed money to support him its tough

lovely123 on

The mothers that become agree and defensive with Drew’s remarks are the ones that are full-time working mothers. I have no problem with WMs, but when you try to justify bringing a child into the world then pay SOMEONE else to care for the child 10 hours every day. There is something wrong with that. I speak from experience. I raised four kids and have now run a child care for the past ten years. Parents will drive their beautiful cars to work, but drop off their newborn with a complete stranger and hope for the best. Say what you, but what is best for the child is a parent at home and not that pretty fancy car in the driveway.

lovely123 on

p.s. My original post was not intended for single mothers/fathers. I love watching children of single parents. They always pay on time, and never complain about the cost of me taking care of their child.

lovely123 on

D.B. seems like she is already a good mother. She knows from first hand experience what NOT to do as a mom. It is her turn to make things right and fix the past and heal her hurt.

ceecee on

Good for her. She can direct after the kid(s) is/are in college. She can be creative until the day she dies. Sometimes you have to do certain things first, the things you can’t go back and do, like seeing your kids do their first things, etc. If it’s any consolation, men can’t do it all either and aren’t expected to.

iwillbecause on

why the snarky comment, Julie? is Drew not allowed to have an opinion because your kids were raised in Day Care?
or did you and baby daddy have a fight over non payment of child support because he won’t get a job. either way, take your Lee press on nails and your weave somewhere else.

Cindy on

Hey Drew! Thanks for being HONEST! There is NO SHAME in wanting to be there for your daughter full time! For those Moms that aren’t able to financial or other reasons, there’s NO SHAME in that either! We need to recognize the importance of just LOVING OUR KIDS ENOUGH TO PUT THEM FIRST!

Sue on

I’ve always told my girls they CAN have it all –just not at the same time! !! Priorities! There’s time for both in this day and age…..

Sara on

I guess I should quit school and my career and let my husband “have it all” right? Because you know, dads aren’t expected to make career sacrifices right?

Adgepa on

So, Julie is not a mother, but is for some reason interested in a mother related article. She chooses to post a negative comment about it, as if she has better insight on the topic then a mother who has been one longer then herself, albeit 6 months but, some experience is better than none at all, right Julie?

bootcamp6weeks on

Perhaps it’s not important to have it all. Being happy is really the bottom line. Wealth,,,fame…while nice and temporarily satisfying are fleeting. Love and family are the things that we should focus on.

Anonymous on

She’s just jealous cause she had six kids before she was 20

lune on

You sound like a jerk Julie.

Ronnie on

You can have it all and the moment you give up your passions and your work you will begin to lose your true self. And by the way Drew you look terrible. Don’t lose yourself girl!

Mona on

You are making the right decision, you will see later, not now, but later.

turtle on

Drew Rocks! She’s awesome!

lostsok on

What an intelligent, beautiful person.

rdw on

Why belittle Julie’s appearance, when you don’t know her?
I too disagree with her statement, however your abuse places you in the same general realm as her.
This is a simple observation/opinion, not an attack on you.

rdw on

Hmmm…perhaps I misunderstand, but I don’t believe that she said anything about her husband. I think the articl was about her individual experience as a first time mother.

Erin on

What a shitty view about her take on balance and motherhood Julie. Why did you even bother to read the article if you just wanted to respond with a negative view? I bet you know better right? Lol

rdw on

She didn’t say anything about those who chose one or the other, she said something will suffer if you chose or in some cases have to both work and raaise a family. If you don’t have children that is a valid choice, but you would not be the target audience for this kind of article.

rdw on

My life and attitudes about what life should be changed the moment I knew I was going to be a mommy as did my priorities and perspective. Most people’s do, so why throw stones?

rdw on

So, because she is financially stable her choice to cut back on work and be hands on with her child is less meaningful? Hmmm, so if a person has one child as oppossed to two, three or eight are they then not truly amother because their varied experiences differ from those who have multiple children?

rdw on

I applaud your thoughtfulness. Its a shame that we are so quick to cast shadows where none are necessary.
A loving mother who is giving her best to her family, balancing what she needs to how she needs to is indeed a superhe ro. :-)

busy bee on

Awesome Kay! ;)

rdw on

She didn’t say that one couldn’t do/have both a famiily and career she said it was a struggle for her to balance them and she made a choice as many women (and some* men) do. If you didn’t have to kudos to you, but I bet if you look back someday, you will see you couldn’t and didn’t give 100% to everything at the same time…noone can, well, no human.

rdw on

Angry much. Gee whiz. And actually we are still tackling the glass ceiling because men for the most part are still in chage in most arenas of business due to the traditional hunter, gatherer gender based assignments that society was founded on. Business Adm 101. ;-)

Micheal Wade on

Julie! Just by ur comments i can see the bitterness and jealous! If ur unhappy w/ the marriage, get out! Plus i think u had one too many children! Yes?

Tiffany on

I’ve always liked her. She’s speaking realistically of the typical balance struggles that career moms go through. I agree with her that our generation was more or less taught that women can have it all. It’s disappointing to discover the truth in your own experience of motherhood. On the flip side, raising kids is nothing short of an amazing life experience.

jamie on

Drew should keep her thaughts to herself.. every time she speaks she sounds dumber than the time before. Like she’s the first mom to ever sacrifice for the sake of thier baby…. she’s so completely self absorbed, someone should pop her bubble

Anonymous on

Women can have it ALL,Drew Barrymore had it All ,but she did not figure out when to change strategy and balance out between new child and her career,but she also managed to retain two businesses while she was complaining.For the young Ladies….The Title is; Some women don’t know when to Stop.

gc on

Lali, that is precisely what the women of my generation have been fighting! Men have been getting excused from child care duties for thousands of years. Now that we have fought for equality and demand the rights we deserve, people are still ignorant and proud of it. Most children are in single parent families because women have realized we don’t have to stay in abusive relationships. And we deserve the right to make the best of our careers. Not all women are suited to be stay at home moms, and should seek their own paths without people being so judgmental.

Mimi on

Go team DB. LOL

schlabotnik on

And just by your lack of effort (ur, really?) we know a lot about you too

Anita on

While every mom has to make the decisions that are best for her & her family & as woman we should support their decisions. However, we should not have to be one or the other . I raised two daughters with my very supportive husband working a job that has a flexible work schedule & being my own boss. Woman should not have to give up who they are or their goals to also be a mother, but find careers or make jobs that also let us raise our children. As I said I have 2 daughters and woman have alot to contribute to society, not just raising children even though that is one of the most important jobs. This next generation has to help woman figure out those jobs or get more companies to be more supportive & flexible with working mothers

Terri-Beth Reed on

After listening to everyone I had to comment. I’ve worked hard all my life. From before high school through my 22nd birthday. I’m 59 now & a mother of 5, with my last 16 yearold on his way out. Sometimes life deals us hands we have to play out and I played my hand basicaly by myself. Some of us have husbands who are useless. Some of us have to take assistance to get by becouse of it, becouse of no family help, becouse of an economy we live in an ag area in california where jobs are 600 to an application. Try to go tp school to have a better job & life & HSA says nope you have to quit mid semester. I enjoyed my little ones but when they really needed me in their pre teen & teen years I did’nt have that luxuary. My boys acted out and we went through some bad times. When you’re alone you have no choices. When you’re alone you have no backup. All of you who have whole famalies, thank God for what you have, thank God you have the finances to do things for your family. Those of us who have to live on assistance live below poverty levels, have to feed the family on 300.00 or less on foodstamps, pay all bills on a little over 650.00 a month. When we try to finish school we’re yanked out to go to meaningless, volunteir jobs that we can’t turn into a real good paying job. Count yourselves fortunate to have husbands that can pay your bills so you & yours can have the good life of middle incomes or more. Some are’nt that fortunate. Don’t dis Drew for her hard work & for haveing what you don’t have.

Terri-Beth Reed on

Addition to my previous comment: $300.00 does’nt go far for 3 or 4 in a month. $650.00 does’nt go far for rent, pg&e, laundry & clothes. At the time we barely got by. Try looking into the faces of your young men in jr. high & high school when they get teased becouse they don’t have the current style of clothes or shoes. It’s not all about fame or fortune, it’s about what you give your kids through example that they can use in life. I hope and pray my kids remember my example of hard work in their later years. Will they remember sitting doing their homework with mom while she did her homework. Will they remember my going to work & picking them up from daycare with hugs & kisses. I hope I was able to give them quality time in those days and that they remember.

Liz on

This is why I admire women in the service with children. Anyone that’s even been in the service or married into it knows that country is first and then family. This is why I couldn’t stay in and serve my country. I chose to expand my family and make them #1. Please do me a favor and thank a man and woman when you see them in uniform. Your freedom is at their family’s expense.

poohtattoo on

Totally agree. So many of us were just told “you can do anything” without being told the consequences of our choices and then we feel guilty about not achieving what we set out to do in the “appropriate” time. Human brings are not superheroes. We have to make choices, be balanced, and actually work at time management or we spend our whole lives feeling guilty or stressed. Wish more people, myself included, learned this early on.

fan on

Love her! Drew ignore the negative comments, just be with your baby as long as you can. Soon enough they’ll want the car keys!

Denise on

You women make me sick. You’d rather crawl and claw your way up the corporate ladder than take care of the crotchfruit you decided to bring into the world. Total selfishness.

Advertisement

Squeals & Deals

Sign-up for the Mom's &s Babies Free Weekly Newsletter

Free Weekly Newsletter

Mom Said It

"We weren't trying to have kids. We left it up to fate. I knew there was a possibility, but I was really excited. Even if you are trying, just to see a positive result is shocking!"

 

From Our Partners

Sign up for our daily newsletter and other special offers.
    Choose your newsletters
Thank you for signing up! Your request may take up to one week to be processed.
    see all newsletters