Marla Sokoloff’s Blog: Elliotte Anne’s Numero Uno … and Baby No. 2?

03/21/2013 at 11:00 AM ET

Our celebrity blogger Marla Sokoloff is a new mama!

Since audiences first got to know her at age 12 as Gia on Full House, Sokoloff has had many memorable TV roles — Jody on Party of Five, Lucy on The Practice, Claire on Desperate Housewives – as well as turns on the big screen in Whatever It Takes, Dude, Where’s My Car? and Sugar & Spice.

Sokoloff, 32, also sings and plays guitar and released an album, Grateful, in 2005.

She wed her husband, music composer Alec Puro, in November 2009 and the couple — plus pup Coco Puro — make their home in Los Angeles.

You can find Marla, now mom to 13-month-old daughter Elliotte Anne, on Twitter.

Marla Sokoloff Blog Elliotte First Birthday
Alec and me with the birthday girl – Frances Iacuzzi

You guys … I have a 1-year-old. A 1-year-old who is walking and saying words. Mama, Dada, hi, dog, bubbles, cheese, ball, more and — my personal favorite — NO. She is suddenly a little person walking around my house and torturing poor Coco Puro. Dog! Dog! Dog!

She’s no longer the little baby that I once held in my arms for hours. Oh no, this girl is constantly on the move and all she wants to play with are non-toy items like car keys and cell phones.

I know I talk about this a lot, but I truly can’t believe how fast this has flown by. Not just my little lady’s life, but starting from the moment I found out I was pregnant — it feels like minutes have passed. As new parents, people constantly tell you to “enjoy every second — it goes by fast.”

You don’t really know the magnitude of this statement until you are staring at a kid whom you swore was just a newborn. Seriously … don’t blink.

For Elliotte’s big day, we rallied our families and some of her friends from Mommy & Me and gathered at her very favorite place, Pint Size Kids in Sherman Oaks, Calif. Pint Size Kids is some serious good times for wee ones because there are so many fun things for them to do and play with! The parents munched on tacos while the kids played and Elliotte was certainly the belle of her birthday ball.

I was really hoping for the quintessential smash cake moment where my birthday girl was covered in her first taste of sugar … but alas, just a simple sampling of frosting proved to be enough for her. All in all, the day was absolutely perfect and filled with many emotions as you can imagine!

Marla Sokoloff Blog Elliotte First Birthday
Cake! – Frances Iacuzzi

Now that Elliotte has reached the ripe old age of one, everywhere I go people seem to ask me, “So … when are you going to have another one?”

Another one what?

Like another BABY?


Holy moly.

My life is now just beginning to feel like I have some sort of handle on this mom thing. Work is something I’m finally ready to take head-on and the word “career” is becoming a priority again. That venture is scary in and of itself!

To be completely honest, I go back and forth on when the right time is to have another one. One year into motherhood feels a little premature for me personally, but I also understand the women who want to do it again in a faster fashion.

Maybe I’m alone in saying this and/or feeling this way, but it took a solid year to really be me again. Don’t get me wrong, my exhaustion level is still pretty high, and it took some getting used to the fact that sleeping in is a part of my past. My new lunch hour has replaced my old breakfast hour.

There is also this overwhelming feeling that I’m just not ready to share my time with Elliotte yet. I love our morning, noon and nights together and the thought of having to divide up any of my time with her makes me feel very conflicted. I guess that’s the unavoidable mommy guilt we often hear about.

Marla Sokoloff Blog Elliotte First Birthday
Hard to believe she’s 1 – Frances Iacuzzi

Obviously Alec and I want to have another child and talk about adding to our family all of the time, I just think I maybe need another birthday to pass before we start the real-deal discussion. Plus, the thought of revisiting swollen feet and 50 pregnancy pounds doesn’t sound so appealing to me just yet!

I thought it would be fun to open up the discussion even further and talk to some mommies who decided to get the job done a little quicker. I spoke to a few pals who had two under two to find out what that experience was like for them.

Meet my friend Sara Mann: Mommy and songstress extraordinaire. (Look out for her new record Lullabies out on iTunes.) Sara is mom to Ruby and Matilda, who are 17 months apart.

Marla: Did you plan to have to two kids under two or was #2 a happy surprise?
Sara: Ruby was planned and Matilda was an “oops,” as we affectionately like to call her.

Marla: Ha! Well she’s the cutest “oops” I’ve ever seen! What is life like with two little ones at home? I know how life-changing one child is; I hear that two is a whole different ballgame.
Sara: Life with two under two is crazy. I see parents at the mall or at a restaurant with just one kid and I want to laugh at how easy they have it. Having a toddler and a baby who can’t even crawl yet has been very challenging. Ruby sleeps through the night and Matilda still wakes up twice a night. As soon as one is napping, the other wakes up. Sometimes they wake each other up from crying.

Marla: How do you avoid having mommy guilt?
Sara: I don’t have mom guilt. They each get my attention at different times. I also have to try and balance time for myself, time for my husband and just enough time to whip up a fast dinner for everyone! So there is NO time for guilt! To be completely honest, I wouldn’t trade the insanity for anything. I love my girls and my life is exactly how I want it to be.

Marla: Whoa … you cook dinner and have two kids? I need to step up my game! I’m kidding … I make dinner as long as it comes from the crockpot.

Marla Sokoloff Blog Elliotte First Birthday
Look who’s walking – Frances Iacuzzi

Meet my friend Carrie Lloyd – mommy and writer. Carrie is a real hero because not only does she have two under two, but at one point she had two under one! She is mommy to Dalainy, 15 months, and Adeline, 6 months.

Marla: Did you plan to have to two kids under two or was #2 a happy surprise?
Carrie: No, we definitely did not plan to have two under two (or, in our case at one point, two under one). But Adeline is certainly the happiest surprise of our lives!

Marla: I bet! Wow. You are amazing. What is life like with two little ones at home?
Carrie: Life with two under two isn’t easy! Everyone I know who’s done it before says you reap the benefits later, once they’re both mobile, because they have built in playmates. I really love when they hold each other’s hands or make each other laugh or when the older one sings to the younger one to stop her from crying.

It’s also a lot of milestones all happening one after the other with no breaks in between, it seems. We had a colicky newborn and a toddler in teething agony at the same time, so nobody was sleeping for a few weeks there. But you get through it with the help of a lot of caffeine!

Marla: Ha! I’m sure! Well you are doing an amazing job. Keep up the good work!

Marla Sokoloff Blog Elliotte First Birthday
New wheels – Frances Iacuzzi

So mommies and daddies of I want to hear from you! Did you spread your children out or did you choose to have them closer in age? I can’t even imagine what life is like for those of you with multiples — you are probably reading this blog giggling. My hat’s off to you!

Until next time … xo,

— Marla Sokoloff

P.S. – For those of you following Elliotte’s health journey, we have a really exciting update. A chest x-ray a few weeks ago showed that everything is looking great and that her healthy lung tissue is starting to fill in where the unhealthy lung was removed. It will continue to fill in that empty space until she is about 8 years old. We don’t have to see the specialist again for another year!

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Showing 76 comments

B.J. (the girl) on

Elliotte is adorable! Such lovely blue eyes. I don’t have any kids (yet!), but my sister and I are 19 months apart. So, my sister was under a year when my mom got pregnant with me, and she did this on purpose. She and my aunt are 4 years apart and they despise each other. They have nothing in common and no longer speak.

Now, my sister and I are best friends. We lived together after moving out, we spend nearly every weekend together. We’re like twins. We like the same stuff and always have. In my humble opinion, having your kids closer together is the way to go if you want them to be buddies 🙂

Miche on

I have a sister who’s less than 2 yrs younger and we fight all the time. I think it has everything to do with personalities and not age difference. My girls are 6 yrs apart and adore each other. You should have another baby when YOU are ready, not for any other reason.

joan on

My sister and I are 11 months apart, and born in the same year. Its hard on the kids as well

Vanessa on

What a gorgeous little girl! I just love her expressions.

My oldest two are 22 months apart and absolutely loved it. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it’d be. Then our third was born 4 years later and I found that also to be a good gap, too. Now we’re expecting #4 and he will be 6 years younger.

Having them close or apart has both pros and cons, IMO. I don’t prefer one over the other and I’m going to be perfectly honest. I think a lot will depend on the tempermant of the kid. Unfortunately, there’s no way to predict that, so it’s a bit of a gamble. 😉

Abby on

I love the 26 month age gap between my girls. Molly was old enough to understand what was happening and “help” (fetch), and starting to become somewhat independent, but not too attached to the life of an only child. And having two girls, the re-use of clothes, seasons-wise is nice. Now that they are getting older (18m and 3.5), they can sometimes wear the same outfit, but differently (pants/capris, dress/shirt…) which is helpful for staying prepared.

Mostly, I love watching them play together and still like the same toys. And they’ll be a couple grades apart, so later they’ll be at the same school, but not stepping on each others toes.

Robyn on

Happy belated Birthday Elliotte!!! Great pictures!!

Btw, BIG fan of Alec!! I was such a huge Deadsy fan in years past 😀 Wish they’d do some more new stuff but I completely understand families and solo projects take over!

I have two girls. My oldest will be 4 next month, and my youngest just turned 1 in February as well. I love their age gap. My oldest is able to help (she’ll get me a diaper and wipes when I need it, or entertain her sister while I cook dinner) and absolutely ADORES her sister. She says her baby sister is her best friend, and my younger daughter follows her big sister everywhere. I love seeing their relationship blossom as my youngest gets older!

I can see the upsides to having two children close together, but I really think the 3 year age gap is a good one.

Lorelei on

We had boy,then girl 23 months later, then another boy 16 months later. When they were little it seemed easier since they played together very well for the most part. It’s seems tougher lately now that they are 13, 14, and 16 since we have a little teen drama going on. They also seem to hit expensive milestones one after another. Although like my grandmother said I wouldn’t trade any one of them for a million dollars or pay a nickel for another one.

MA momma on

We have two girls, ages 5 1/2 and 2 1/2 and are currently expecting our 3rd girl in July. They will be 3 years apart (July, June and July respectively). It took us over a year to get pregnant with our first, our second took roughly 8 months (when we were ready to try) and this one was a happy and unexpected surprise.

The girls play well together now that the younger one is more vocal and able to say what she wants to do. They both have similar taste in toys and books and sharing clothes has been a blessing. Ask me how all this is going to work in a few months when they start sharing a room!

I have a younger brother, by 23 months, and we were very close as children, mainly because there weren’t a lot of kids on the street we grew up on, so we made our own fun. I think it all depends on temperament, and not necessarily on the age difference.

Tee Tee on

Elliotte Anne is about as precious as it gets! I think she looks a lot like her Momma. Glad to hear that her lung tissue is regrowing well. Been praying for your little one!

My four oldest nieces are all less than two years apart. Sister would announce a pregnancy right around their first birthday. The fifth little girl came along when the youngest was three, so she’s a bit farther apart from the group. It wasn’t always easy but it gets easier the more you have! Going from two to three was the hardest for her. Four and five were quite easy after three!

angel on

Congrats on the clean bill of health for your daughter!

In response to your blog entry, I felt the same way with my first daughter. I enjoyed every second and wanted to give her a sibling asap, but also wanted time alone with her. I became pregnant with my second daughter when my first was 16 months old and they are two years apart. Then, before I could blink, I became pregnant with my third and fourth daughters! Quite the surprise, but such an amazing one.

There is nothing better than witnessing the interaction between siblings. I believe they learn conflict management and how to share earlier than most , as well as develop such a huge capacity for love. Things are loud and hectic in my home, but full of joy.

Reading your post brings me back to the days when it was just me and my first. It’s all good, whatever decision you make, don’t stress over it and enjoy every second with your little angel.

mommywardrip on

Mine are 19 months apart. Supposed to be 21 but my daughter came early like my son did. My pregnancies were not easy and plenty of people thought I was crazy for wanting another when my son was a year old but that’s what we wanted. Thankfully the second pregnancy wasn’t as bad as the first and I went longer in that pregnancy than I did with my first.

It’s been tough but I love it. My daughter is in love with her big brother and he’s loving to have a baby sister around. He wasn’t sure what to do with her at first so he did his own thing but she’s almost 7 month now and he turned 2 in early Feb. and he’s liking her more now that she’s bigger, can sit up and ‘talk’ to him. We have our jealous days but my husband and I spread love, attention and quality time around with both of them. They got to certain play dates together and they each have their own play group that I take them to on a weekly basis.

We planned them together this close but we know our 3rd will be later…maybe when my daughter turns 2 we’ll think about another one. 🙂

Stacey on

I’m a mom of 7, and I purposely spaced mine three to four years apart. I wanted to soak up every last second of “the baby years” with the youngest before I had another one.

Elliotte is precious!!!!!

Heather on

Great blog again! Elliotte is so cute!! That picture of her standing just kills me lol! I know that you worry about sharing your love with another child, but please know that everybody feels that way when they only have one. Honestly, when you have another you will see that you love them both equally and still have all of the same special times together. It seems odd, but it just happens – just like how Santa fits through the chimney, it just happens!

Thank you for sharing all of the adorable photos!

Vanessa on

My little boy turns 4 next month and he is an “only”. We get a lot of the “When are you having more?” questions and honestly we are good with one. We decided this before he was even born and he is a great, well mannered, mature little guy. We enjoy our time together so much. We love telling people we “got it right the first time.” Ha!

It is so strange to me that most of the kids that were born when he was born are now the oldest of 3. If you are interested in giving your daughter a sibling, that’s great, but please don’t let anyone pressure you on the timeline. If you are content as a family of 3 right now, then do what is best for you! And, just so you know, people will have something to say whether you have just 1, a couple, or a dozen. Ha!

Best wishes with your sweet little girl!

Margaret on

I’m one of 3 girls very close in age, I’m 18 months older than my middle sister who is 20 months older than my little sister. At one point, my parents had 3 girls in college at once! I think it was tough for my parents when we were growing up because we all had different things we wanted to do, but now that we’re older (24, 22, 21) and live on our own, my parents love that we’re so close in age.

Me on

She is tooooo cute!! She has her eyes but looks like Dad!!

Kelly on

My sister and I are 15 months apart and I (the oldest) hated it because she was always getting to do what I was doing and she was younger…typical kid problems! We were close when we were little and still talk and hang out, but by no means were we ever best friends because we have different personalities.

My two are pretty much exactly three years apart and I LOVE this spacing. My 3 year old can listen, comprehend and help. He’s potty trained and he is OBSESSED with “his baby” sister! He is such a good helper and understands that she is a baby who needs attention so he doesn’t get jealous, just wants to help!

M on

There’s no “right” spacing, only what’s right for you and your family.

My four kids are 6,5,3.5, and 20 months. Motherhood actually wasn’t much of an adjustment for me, and kids 2 and 3 were more work but still not too crazy. Going from three to four was very overwhelming (and still is!), despite what everyone told me about it “all being the same after three.” We did plan and want each child.

I have mommy guilt, but not about having kids close together. I stay home with them and am not obsessed with having a perfectly clean house, so I feel like I’ve still soaked up every age. I also really wanted my kids to have memories of us as a “unit.” Wanted them to always remember having each other in their lives.

Also when I plan activities or crafts they are at similar developmental levels so modifications are pretty easy. We don’t usually have to divide our plans into “big kid” and “little kid” stuff. They love each other and we’re very close. I work hard to give them a magical childhood and teach them discipline too. I’m not perfect but I’ve learned no one is.

T on

First, I absolutely love Marla & her blogs.

Second, it’s so true – you need time for yourself, your spouse, & each kiddo. I am mama to almost three. We had a boy then 12 months later, a girl (planned on more kids, but not so soon), & are now 9 weeks pregnant. (So the last two will be 13 months apart.) And let me tell you, this pregnancy was most certainly a shock; we planned for a long break before another baby! Clearly, birth control was as ‘controlled’ as thought!

I do notice the ‘inconveniences’ of back-to-back-to-back pregnancies. Don’t get me wrong, I love this little one…but things have become plenty difficult – as if being mama to one or two isn’t hard enough! All this to say, I personally wouldn’t recommend pregnancies so close together. I do, however, look forward to when the kids are older. I love thinking about how close they’ll (hopefully) be relationship-wise, & maybe just maybe (crossing my fingers), life will be somewhat easy later in life as they’ll be close in their developmental stages. Guess only time will tell. 🙂

shoppinggal on

My two boys are 20 months apart: just-turned-2 years old and 4 months. My husband and I planned to have them pretty close together, and not because all my friends were doing it too (we live in a very family-oriented area; three kids seems to be the norm and many want more). My age also played into it, as I’m now 34 years old.

I am not going to lie; right now, it is as hard as h-e-double hockey sticks. Some days I really question my judgement about having them so close together, after I have to wake early with the toddler after having been up all night with the screaming, teething baby; and/or the toddler is clingy and sick but still bored and running around tearing up the house, not listening to a word I’m saying, all while baby is screaming from hunger.

Some days, my entire 10-hour day is like this…and I have been told that I have the most WELL-BEHAVED, flexible, and mature children on earth (my oldest is practically potty trained).

However, it is what it is, and I know it only gets easier as they get older and can start to interact with and depend on each other. I love them both dearly and would not change a thing; in fact, I still plan on getting pregnant mid-late 2014 and having a third in spring 2015 (2 1/2 years after my second) [see prior comment about my age]. They will be 2 and 3 years apart in school, respectively, which to me seems reasonable and not too close. Enough to relate to each other in terms of life stage, but not too close that they are constantly competing with one another.

Thanks for your blog!

Kristina on

My boys are 3 and a half years apart. They are now nearly 18 and 15. Then we had our “bonus” baby who will be 8 this year! Just when you think you’re done… God has a way of surprising you! (in a good way of course)

What’s funny is our oldest and youngest get along great. She almost looks to him like another parent. The oldest gets along great with the middle, but our middle boy and the youngest butt heads constantly. I guess it’s all about personality and disposition.

Glad your little girl is doing well! Good luck to your beautiful family.

Jessica on

Elliotte is absolutely beautiful!

Anytime you decide to have baby number two is the right time. You know what’s best for you and your family!

I just love you and your adorable family!!!

T on

@shoppinggal – it’s crazy to me how closely I feel I can relate to you.

1. My age also played a factor; I’m 32 years old.

2. I also often question my judgement (well, in this case, my sanity) about having my babies so close together.

3. I totally understand the whole toddler & baby scenario. And I’m also wishing for ‘easier’ times ahead. You may not even see this post…but I hope it can serve as an encouragement to you & others – we’re not alone. 😉

Anonymous on

My kids are 4.5 years apart. I was very young (22) when I had my first and knew I had all the time in the world for a second. When my son was a few months away from 4 I became pregnant with my daughter. They are now 7 and 2 years 10 months.

I like the age gap but definitely glad I didnt wait any longer because the gap is almost too big as it is.

Brittany on

We had difficulty getting pregnant the first time, so not knowing how long it would take to get pregnant the second time, we started trying when our first and the new baby would be at least 2 years apart, knowing 2 years was the minimum spread we wanted but were okay with a bigger spread, and BAM, pregnant first try. 🙂 They are on target to be 2 years and 2 weeks apart.

I was so excited with the positive pregnancy test, but when my son woke up 30 minutes after taking the test, I went in his room and bittersweet tears immediately welled up and I thought, “Why was I in such a hurry for you to not be my only baby?!” But I quickly got over that, got excited again for the new Blessing coming, and have gotten a lot of great feedback from others that have experience with a 2 year spread. Everybody’s different though and I definitely understand the many reasons for the many spread options! 🙂

Best wishes to you!

KAH on

I had four boys in four years! My oldest is 6, my twins are 4, and the baby is 2. My oldest and twins are just over two years apart and my twins and youngest are 21 months apart. We had three under 2 at one point! Can we say crazy house?

My husband and I have this little inside joke – At the end of the night, we look at each other and say “I am too tired to even look at you”, LOL. As crazy and unplanned as this has been, I wouldn’t change it for the world. And for all the mommies and daddies out there struggling with many young kiddies “It does get easier”.

MommytoanE on

Do not feel pressured. Age difference means nothing. Absolutely nothing. I’m 6 years younger than my older sister, 3 years older than my younger one. I don’t really get along that great with either…but my brother that’s 4.5 years younger I get along with great. My older sister and younger sister (Mind you, 10 year age difference) are best friends.

Don’t feel pressured to have any more….or when to have any. My own is an only and happy as heck with it. She will never be “alone” as people say only children will be. She’s surrounded by family. Her best friend is her cousin….they get along better than sisters do. Kids are wonderful miracles, and should happen when the time is right for YOU. Not when its right for everyone else.

Toni on

I usually don’t respond to this sort of thing however all I can say is you have to do what feels the most right for you, your Husband and your daughter. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter and 11 weeks ago (today actually) we welcomed our son into the world. We were constantly asked after our daughter turned a year old “when are you having another” and I also knew wasn’t ready or also willing to share my daughter at that time with another child.

It sounds selfish but looking back on it, I am glad we waited as it gave us the quality time with her we felt we needed. We got to created lots of special memories just with her and then when we found out we were having a 2nd she was old enough to understand things a bit more. We even took her to the ultrasound where we found out we were having a boy and from then on she was incredibly excited to tell everyone who would listen about “being a big sister and having a baby brother”. We also took her a sibling class at our local hospital where she learned how to change and feed a “baby” (doll) and also made special gifts from her to the baby. I think kids have to be 3 for this sort of thing but I know with her, it helped a lot.

I don’t think it is ever “easy” to add a sibling to the family and believe me it has been an adjustment for all of us but with her being 3 1/2 and understanding so much of it, I think it might have been a bit easier. She is very independent and unlike some of my friends I didn’t have to deal with 2 in diapers, not being able to feed themselves properly etc. In that regard it was easier. The downside was she knows what it is like to just have Mommy and Daddy’s attention so she does tend to try and get that at times by acting up and doing things she shouldn’t. Overall though, she has been very good with her new little brother and now takes great pride in her “big sister jobs” such as helping out with things pertaining to her baby brother.

I can also say that my sister and I are 4 1/2 years apart and we are extremely close and for the most part always have been. My Husband is the youngest of 6 by 12 years and the sibling he is closest with is the one who is 18 years older than him…I think a lot more of it has to do with the children’s personalities and perhaps how the parents get the older child involved in the things.

In the end will know when the time is right regardless of the age of you daughter…whom is adorable by the way 🙂

ashley on

My children are 7 years and 3 months, 4 years and 3 months and almost 17 months.

Jess on

Mine are 7 years apart. lol Love it though, my son helps out a ton with my daughter and she really looks up to him. They are 4 and 11 now.

For both of their 1st Birthdays, i wrote them a letter to put in their keepsake boxes. I have read my son his, he actually teared up a bit. I just wrote them about their first year and all the changes, challenges and milestones we went through as a family.

Happy Birthday Elliotte!

Just Me on

My boys are 6 1/2 years apart in age. And it was like doing it all over again. BUT, I wouldn’t change it for anything. They’re both so different that I am able to experience two totally different ways of parenting. It’s so much fun.

Sure they fight, but they also still play together. 🙂

I say have another kid when you’re ready. Or when you have a “surprise”. Either way you’ll make it work. Congratulations on your beautiful, healthy girl turning one.

Jacksgran on

First, your little girl is gorgeous! I like reading your blogs. You seem like a really fun and sunny person. 🙂

My first 2 were planned and 17 months apart. We did not live near family and I wanted my kids to never feel alone. I realized 17 months was real close and decided with 3 & 4 that 2 1/2 years apart was a good space between kids. They are really little people by then and seem to really appreciate the new baby.

Plus if you can I had them potty trained by then so I never had 2 in diapers again. The age between 2 & 21/2 is pretty significant. Good Luck!

Jane on

Marla, I love reading your blog! My daughter just turned a year on March 12th, so our girls are so close in age, and everything you say hits home in a way that I can’t even describe! I’m in the same exact boat trying to decide when the time is right for baby number two. And for ALL of the reasons you describe.

I so often think how I FINALLY feel like myself again, and that I’m enjoying every day of being a mommy so much that I don’t want to alter anything at all just yet. But then I look around the house and see all of the baby stuff slowly disappearing and being replaced by toddler stuff, and there is a little pang inside of wanting a tiny one again. It’s so tough! But thanks for sharing your experience – it is such a comfort to know that other mommies have the exact same feelings and conflicts that I do.

So glad to hear the positive update on your little girl’s lungs, too! What a wonderful gift! She is such a beautiful little thing!

Karen on

I have experience with both. My brother is 4 years older than me. And now my son is 4 years older than my daughter. As a mom, I love the age difference. Jacob was so much more self-sufficient – potty trained, sleeping, aware of his own strength, talking, yada yada. And they are great together. On the other hand, my brother seemed to despise my sister and I (and we him) growing up, though we’ve reconnected later in life.

On the flip side, I am a twin. So I have literally never known life without a sibling – even prenatally! And I loved it. But as a parent, I think a little more distance apart is easier.

JS on

I have one daughter who is currently 6 months old. I can relate to the fact that I still have not returned to my old self. I am still pretty forgetful and still feel my hormones are out of whack. Not to mention that I am still sore from my csection! So I like you am no where near ready for another one. Due to our current financial situation, it will probably be 4 or 5 years before we could even consider having another one. (Daycare is expensive!)

That being said, my doctor told me that a study came out that said it was good to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies to let your body fully heal. I’m not sure if there is any truth to that.

Deb on

In the hospital room, what seem like seconds after our precious baby boy was born, I heard a lot of, “now we can get to work on baby no. 2!” What? Let’s enjoy this one first, I thought. And, as much as I would like to have kids who are close in age, so that they will play together, I just think about my dad and my uncle who are 10 years apart and they are best friends. 🙂

Julianna on

Elliotte looks like dad, but has mom’s eyes. Happy birthday to her!

I myself am a new mom to 3-month-old twins. At first, when we got news that I was expecting two instead of the only one I was thinking, my husband and I were shocked. There aren’t cases of multiples in both our families, and the pregnancy came a few months after I miscarried our first baby. It was a surprise pregnancy, and two babies instead of one added to that surprise.

But soon it dawned on us that, on the future, they will always have each other’s backs. The other plus side of having twins is that it’s highly unlikely that someone will wonder when we’ll add to our family. We definitely want to have another one – hopefully a little girl – but absolutely not before our boys are way more independant than they are at the moment!

NW Mama on

Glad to hear that she is healing well.

My girls are 5 years apart and it was great. The older daughter was a huge help with the younger one and was very protective of her, even though the little one would always want to beat up on her older sister. lol Now they are 20 and 25 and are very close with each other. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Kim on

I’ve been following your blog since I was pregnant at the same time as you! I love your stories especially the vacation one was hilarious because I had just lived the same experience as you, as a mom there is always new challenges that are unexpected but so fulfilling at the same time.

Elliotte’s story is such a private one but i’m happy you decided to share it with the world! It brought me to tears and i’m so happy she has made a full recovery. As a working mother take the time for yourself you will need it because life becomes way more challenging once you throw a second one in there and that’s why i’m waiting for a second birthday to pass! Plus you just got back into your jeans, enjoy it a bit!

Good luck with her she is so precious.

Alicia on

Happy Birthday to Elliotte! 🙂
She is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! Looks so much like her Momma 🙂

You are absolutely right, time FLIES. My babygirl just turned two in January and I still can’t believe it! I remember SO many people telling me “enjoy every second, it goes by fast” but you really don’t realize it until it happens to you.

You are def not alone in the taking a year to feeling like “you” again! I was the exact same way! It actually took me over a year to even be able to enjoy a little “me time” like taking a long bath, reading a book, going shopping or hanging out with friends for a few hours. At first I felt guilty about it but now I realize that its important for both of us to have those little breaks on occasion 🙂 When she was an infant, I didn’t want to leave her side AT ALL. Now she has become so independant.

And I can also relate to the feelings of not wanting to share your time with your daughter by having another baby yet. I like being able to give my daughter so much attention and one-on-one time. We are very close and honestly I worry about how she would probably end up being jealous if I had another one right now. I def. hope to have more children someday but I am waiting until we BOTH are ready…and right now is def not that time 😀

Anyway, loved the blog and the pics! Have a wonderful day!

Candice on

she is so adorable! time really does fly i have 3 children of my own, i have a 7 year old, 5 year old and a 17 month old and my baby boy is just barely starting to take steps on his own. he is very stubborn but we are very proud of him for finally trying. they are so much fun!

Renee on

Gorgeous girl! My 2 are 15 months apart and although he was unplanned we love the age gap. In fact if we were to have more then I would love the same gap again. The only hard thing was being pregnant and throwing up everyday while having a 6 month old, but I think that would have been easier than having to run after a toddler while being sick. I’m happy that my son was 6 months old when the toddler tantrums started- made life a little easier. There is no right or wrong gap. You just go with the flow 🙂

Rachel on

My parents had 6 kids mostly 18 mos to 2 years apart. Everyone got along great until adulthood when the siblings all started marrying the most obnoxious spouses (each one more obnoxious than the last). I would say listen to your heart and do what’s best for your family. Don’t give other people’s opinions too much weight because you never know how honest they’re being anyways. You and your husband have to do what’s best for your family.

Anonymous on

While my husband & I don’t have any children of our own my sister and I are 5 years apart. Growing up we weren’t that close because of the age difference. But now at ages 34 & 39 we are definitely much closer since we can relate to each other as adults versus when she was a teenager and I wasn’t and then when I became the teenager she was in her late teens heading into her twenties.

I think it all depends on personality types whether or not they will get a long no matter the age gap. I just know that my relationship with my sister got stronger as I got older and was able to understand the things she went through as a teenager etc. It’s definitely nice now as adults because we appreciate each other so much more.

momof5 on

I is actually easier the more children you have, because they all play together. I started with having my first two 15 months apart and then 4 years later had three children, three years in a row. At one point one was 2 years old, the next 1 year old, and a newborn. It can be difficult at times but it is all worth it.

Halley on

My boys are 7.5 years apart. Too far for most, I am sure, but perfect for our family! Both of my kids think the other hung the moon, and there isnt any jealousy or competition, since they’re in such different phases of life. It wasnt how I planned my life, but its how life worked out for us, and I am so thankful! Its a great age difference for our family.

pamela on

Your little one is so cute!!!! 🙂 I had my kids 10 yrs. and 2 months apart. My son was a oops when my daughter was 10. Now I have a 19 year old college girl and a 9 year old little man.

rachel on

she’s so cute. I have two kids now 11yrs old and almost 10 yrs so glad I had them 14 months apart. me and mt auntie are 14 months apart and very close.

April on

I never judge the decisions that others make, but if I were Marla, I’d definitely wait on #2. My oldest was 2 1/2 when I had my second, and that seemed manageable to me. There are only 20 months in between the second and third babies though, and that has been much more overwhelming.

Anonymous on

I have 5 children. Currently 11, 9, 6, 4 1/2, and 2 1/2. So I kind of ran the gamit distance – wise.

My first 3 are roughly 3 years each apart. Honestly, to me that distance was perfect. The 3 year old is a little more independent and more interested in the world around them, leaving more guilt free baby time for mommy. #3 and #4 are only 17 months apart…this was my ‘guess what honey?’ pregnancy…and it kicked my butt. (or maybe it was the fact that I was going from 3 kids to 4! lol) #5 (on purpose but running out of time for mommy) is about 22 months from #4 and that wasn’t bad but those first few months of trying to get the almost 2 year old to understand ‘wait’ was tricky.

All in all though, my kids are great and defintely get along well. The only issue is the 6 years between #1 and #3. That difference hasn’t seemed to really catch up yet to where they can ‘relate’ they get along but aren’t as close to one another. Anyhoo…that’s my two cents!

Cat on

When my first son was a year old, we decided it was time to get pregnant. So they are 21 months apart. Its nice to have them grow up close in age, and plus I feel like my family is complete. I totally understand the concept of waiting but since I quit my job to stay home with my children, it made sense for me to have another sooner.

Mommyof1 on

I didn’t like how you said “obviously,” you and your husband want to have another child. There are many people in this world who don’t want to have children at all, or want to have one, and that should be fine and everyone else should understand that.

With that being said, if you and your husband decide that you want to try to have another baby, the age difference shouldn’t matter; having a healthy baby, at any time, is something to be thankful for, and it shouldn’t matter how far apart in age the children will be.

Jessica on

My daughter and son are 20 months apart. So at this moment I have a 31 month old and an 11 month old. It is a built in playmate. My brother and I are 6 years apart and while we have a great relationship, it’s not like we grew up together. That’s a big span! My hubby and his brother are 8 years apart! So we did want our kids to be closer in age. We started trying a big before our daughter was a year because it took us FOREVER to get pregnant the first time so we thought it would take forever…but we got pregnant the second month we tried. And many tired days later here we are…but we wouldn’t have it any other way. They are currently entertaining each other in the playpen…which is all sorts of adorable!

Melissa on

I have 3 girls. #1 and 2 are 15 months apart. #2 and 3 are 4 years apart. I prefer to spread them out but now my 5.5 and 4.5 year old can share clothes. While the older two are in school, I have about 6 hours with my baby who is currently 4.5 months old.

Just because someone only has one kid, their life may not be all sunshines and rainbows. Their kid could have a disability that requires a lot of care. Unless we have walked in someone else’s shoes, we shouldn’t be so quick to judge and compare our lives.

You and your husband are the only ones who decide when to have another baby.

1isOK! on

I felt the same way when I had the baby I always wanted (a girl!) in my 20’s and didn’t want to share my time with another baby. Then when we changed our mind it was too late in our early 30’s.

It was very hurtful when people would ask about having our 2nd. Very few people to this day know it was due to my husband having a fertility issue. Don’t wait too long and I recommend getting the husband tested first if you have a problem. Testing is much easier for men than women.

1isOK! on

Rachel, I totally agree about siblings becoming distant after marriages! This happened on both sides of our family. My husband and I are close in age to our siblings. We are closest to the sibling that lives a country away! My brother is separated from his wife, I didn’t really like her as much as his past girlfriends. My husband’s sister that lives close by is married to a “black sheep”. His mother’s own words!

Anonymous on

I don’t have children, but I would almost think having twins would be easier in a lot of ways than having kids, say a year or a year-and-a-half apart. For instance, If you have twins, the potty training is all over at once, the breastfeeding is all over at once. Whereas, if your kids are spaced 14 months apart, just as you finish a milestone with one kid, you’re starting it with the other.

Jill on

I was a teenage mom, so nobody ever really started asking until my son was about 4 years old when I was going to have my next. My children are ten years apart and I love it. It is like having two only children. My youngest will be 4 this month, and my hubby is pushing for another one. I’m not totally unconvinced we shouldn’t wait for another ten year gap! Lol. However, everyone should have thier babies according to their individual needs. Good luck!

Genifer on

Ok. So my sister and I are 18 months apart and as children we fought but now she is my best friend. Now my sister has 3 kids. The oldest is 16 months older then the middle and he is 14 months older then the baby. At one point she had 3 under 3. The first one was the surprise but #2 and #3 were planned.

Aneta on

Just want to say I loooooove this blog!! I am pregnant with my first and as I am already 32, turning 33 this summer I am going to try to squeeze another one in before I turn 35 🙂

Amy on

What an adorable little girl! She looks so very happy too 🙂 I think everyone has a different opinion of whether or not they want their children close in age or not. My sister and I are 2 1/2 years apart and are very close. Do what feels right for you and your husband.

lora96litdiva on

It took me a good eleven months to feel back to myself again. I *love* having an 18 month old only girl and chasing her around while she plays with the empty plastic eggs leftover from Easter. Just ENJOY this time. That’s all. Live it.

Jen on

My kids are 2 years apart, almost to the day. I might be the only crazy person in the world who thougth that it was easier with two kids. I can’t really explain it, but it was just easier to get on a schedule and not just do whatever. I am at the point now that they are two and four that they can get in car themselves and get their own shoes on that I am rethinking baby three. I feel like they are so independant and although they would be great “helpers” I would be starting at square 1.

Lisa on

I have said forever it is the LONGEST 9 months of your life followed by the FASTEST 18 years. My first BABY just celebrated her 22nd birthday. My oldest two are 3 years apart. The third came along 4 1/2 years later. I loved that I had time to enjoy each one – when #2 arrived, #1 was in preschool then elementary – #2 started kindergarten shortly after #3. When they were older, I still got to have one on one time with them – which I cherish. Trips for cheerleading with my oldest. Sports trips with my son. Now tons of things with my 14 year old.

Do what feels right for you because what worked for me, will not work for others and vice versa. But most of all, enjoy her as much as possible.

Marne on

Your feelings are exactly why we waited until our son turned 2 to start trying for #2. I could not imagine being pregnant again any sooner and we needed time to recover ourselves, our marriage, our health, our sleep, etc from our son. We’re now looking at an age gap of 3 years which I think is perfect. Gives our son 3 solid years of being the sole baby and he’ll be old enough to be much more independent once baby #2 comes.

Hannah on

My older two are 19mos apart. NOT planned, but a happy surprise…After the shock wore off! I had planned to space them 3-4 years apart. The hardest part was chasing a 1 year old while extremely pregnant. And then trying to recover and adjust and take care of a newborn while chasing a 1 year old- and since it was my first and second – I was still learning about the tiny baby-toddlers and what it was to parent them! I found that, 1 year olds seem to make it their mission in life to find ways to hurt themselves. They have no impulse control, no sense of danger!

My second and third are 29months apart- that was actually harder. First time around: my 19mos old baby loved her baby sister and seemed pretty unphased by the new addition to the family. Second time? My 2.5 year old was broken hearted to be de-throned as baby of the family. It was a very very rough transition. Horrible. I mean just horrible, tore me up. 😦 She loves her sissy now though, they are the best buds (my third is just a couple weeks older than your E!).

Amy on

Does anybody else think Marla and Hilary Duff could be sisters? I think they look so much alike…and have babies around the same age too! Just wondered…

Connie on

Every experience is different and you just need to go with your instincts on what is good for you and your family. In our case we adopted a 3 day old newborn and wanted to get started again when she turned 1 year, thinking that it would take some time to be selected again. But life and fate played a huge part in things and 5 months later (when our daugther was 17 months old), we watched our newborn son being born by his wonderful birthmother! So we had 2 under 2 and I remember once when our daughter was up with an ear infection and our newborn son was colicky, my husband saying to me “remember there will be a time when they no longer need us so much”. And now here we are with a nearly 15 year old daughter and a 13 year old son, who no longer need mom or dad to stay up with them at night (they prefer us to go to bed early), who are away from home at sleepovers at the same time and my husband and I look at each other and long for the sleepless nights holding our children!

Good luck in your family planning and you will do great no matter what your choices are.

Connie on

We have two children less than 2 years apart who are now teens. It was rough in the beginning but once the youngest was around 3 it was great. Going on vacations they are close enough in age to be interested in the same types of amusements. Such as our trip to Disney when they were 5 and 3 years old. Both were into the characters and the smaller rides. My sisters kids are 5 years apart and they went with us and the oldest one who was 10 totally was bored because he wanted to do the older rides, so we always had to split up. But hey they have a built in babysitter when they just need to run down the store for milk – so it all balances in the end. There isn’t a perfect rule or perfect fit for anyone.

mommyof2 on


saw1976 on

My 6 children are spaced out pretty well for the most part: 16, 14, 11, 9, 6,and 5. However, the biggest age gap is 3.5 years apart (14 & 11) and was the hardest to adjust to, even more so than my last 2 being less a year apart (my Irish twins).

Jessica on

My first two are 13 months apart (unintentionally) then there’s a 4 year gap between #2 & #3. #3 & #4 are 16 months apart, on purpose. Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again, I’d have them ALL close together because while it was chaotic, it seemed easier at times.

I think our lives as mothers are always going to be chaotic to some degree. There are seasons in parenthood, just like there are seasons in life, ups and downs.

My first two are close (boy/girl) and my 2nd ‘pair’ are close in their own way, also a boy then a girl. I got more sleep with them close together, I remembered what I’d screwed up with the first one so I was more willing to be more laid back or more uptight with the next one, depending on what the situation called for. I was also more willing to ask for help, an issue of mine…I thought I was supermom! I am, but I didn’t get that way by myself, lol.

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for you & your family. I love having mine close together and them having someone to play with. I had 4 kids within 6 years, and while life is certainly busy, I wouldn’t space it out at all.

Courtney S. on

I am like your friend Carrie. I have two little ones who were, at one point, both under the age of one. They are now 14 months and 6.5 months.

My husband and I found out I was pregnant – and already in my second trimester – with baby #2 when my first son was almost five months old! It definitely wasn’t planned and I had just been attributing my lack of energy and tiredness to having a newborn, even though he was already sleeping through the night by that age. So, while we already knew our kids were going to be Irish Twins, what we didn’t know was that #2 decided to come 3.5 months early! So now we have two beautiful baby boys, less than 8 months apart.

Life is NEVER easy with two kids so close in age, but it is getting better day by day. There were and are many times when I feel horribly guilty (especially when #2 was in the NICU for 106 days) for taking these precious moments away from my older son, even though my heart is filled with joy at having our younger son. It’s a hard balance to find.

I do find that it seems to be easier going through the stages twice so close together. We don’t have much time to forget how it goes or what we did with the older one, so that has been helpful.

I, too, have been told that I will definitely have a few difficult years now, but that we will be so happy and grateful we had them so close in age when they get a little older and become buddies.

gooniesandy on

My boys are a tad less than three years apart, which I really like. I’m the oldest of three girls, and there are about three years between each of us, too. There are a few things that had me not wanting to have babies close together. First, medical science says that your body isn’t back to 100% for a couple of years after having a baby. This is the stuff you can’t see… your reproductive parts. A pregnancy soon after another can have more complications and a higher risk of pre-term birth. I also didn’t want to have a child who was still needing to be mainly carried and/or too young to understand why I may not be able to lift them. Can you imagine being put on bed rest when you have another baby at home? It’s a scary enough thing to think about with a two-year-old. (For the record, both of my pregnancies were healthy and full-term, and I was able to lift my son up until the day I gave birth…. but these are the things I worry about!) I also, frankly, just wanted to be able to spread out the baby time! They are little for such a short period of time and I like that while Elliott was getting big and going off to school I still had a tiny little person saying cute things. If Oliver had been closer in age to Elliott it would be over that much sooner!

I was also had mommy guilt, but it disappeared the instant Oliver was born. Just like “don’t blink” what we are told about love being infinite is true. The love in your heart doesn’t divide, it expands.

Tammy on

I had 4 babies in 5 1/2 years…I found it harder to adjust from 1 baby to 2 babies, a lot harder. I didn’t chose to have them that way, there is 24 months 4 days between #1 & #2, 22 months between #2 & #3, and then our wonderful, oops baby is 15 months younger than her sibling. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world though, cause we were fertility patients, and it was all totally worth it. In my opinion. I wish I could have more chldren, but it isn’t in the cards for us. SO happy to hear of Elliotte’s good health news.

Raini on

My boys are 17 months apart and my youngest, 3 1/2 months, was an oopsy baby as well but such a joy. Granted I only have 3.5 months of experience with 2 under 2 I will say it has had it’s ups and downs. The hardest part was the newborn stage but then again that’s hard with only one too. The transition from 0 to one kid was huge, 1-2 is huge too but I found myself more “relaxed” with things like sleep and being paranoid about everything. With my 1st it took me almost 2 months to turn the monitor picture off at night to sleep, with the 2nd I think it took 2 weeks. I hear the 1st year or two are hard but after that it will be a lot easier, the fact that they can play with each other will be a huge help down the road.

At times I use the youngest to distract my oldest. If the older one is throwing a temper tantrum I will say “can you help me change the baby’s diaper, momma needs your help” and he is eager to help get me a diaper and watch what I’m doing. Distraction is key with a 20 month old.

I’m sure it’s hard adding another child no matter what age the sibling is, some may be easier in the beginning or harder but in the end you do what feels right to you.