Vanessa Lachey: How I Battled the Baby Blues

Courtesy Vanessa Lachey

Life for Vanessa Lachey hit an all-time high when she and her husband Nick Lachey welcomed their first child, son Camden John, in September.

In a new blog entry on her website, however, the first-time mom reveals that the magical moment would soon be overshadowed by her sudden slump into the baby blues.

“I remember the first night in the hospital, after 14 hours of labor and three hours of pushing, how it was ALL worth it!” she writes.

“I looked over and saw Nick holding Camden in his perfect hospital swaddle and I felt so at peace and right where I was supposed to be.”

When evening came and Vanessa’s nurse left her with instructions to feed her baby boy every two to three hours, the new mama began to schedule the newborn’s nighttime routine.

“I immediately mapped out in my brain the next 24 hours. When he would eat, which side I would start on and what ‘hold’ I would use for each feeding to get the maximum efficiency,” she recalls.

According to Vanessa, all was going according to plan — until the mother-son pair overslept and missed the 9 a.m. feeding. “I didn’t hear him cry (because he didn’t) and I didn’t wake up because who sets an alarm the next morning after giving birth?” she says.

“I immediately sat up in bed and had a panic attack. Why did my maternal instinct not kick in and wake myself to feed him … I proceeded to take him out of his bed and feed him. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. My hopes and dreams of being the perfect ‘natural’ mother were shattered.”

But by the time the tight-knit trio headed home and settled into their new routine, Vanessa was back to basking in baby bliss. “Happiness just takes over and your phone immediately fills up with videos and pictures of this little life,” she shares.

However, when week two of being home with Camden came — and the Lachey’s house filled with family and friends all eager to meet baby — Vanessa’s world slowly began to unravel.

“At this point I was sick of feeling like a milk machine. I loved my bonding time with Camden … But also there were times when he was crying of hunger … Then when Camden was done eating, I wasn’t able to lay and cuddle with him,” she recalls.

“I had to give him back to all the well-wishers who wanted to hold him and love him, and I sat and waited for the next feeding, where I would do it all again … I was constantly thinking about how I would have to give him up at the end of the feeding.”

Despite an “amazing and supportive husband, his loving family and wonderful friends,” the new mom suddenly felt all alone.

“I started crying. I was feeding Camden and crying my eyes out. I felt like I had officially come undone,” Vanessa, who handed off the baby to Nick, says.

“I got in my car, took a drive around the block, put my sunroof down and blared the radio. I went to Starbucks, came home, took a shower, put myself together, and came upstairs and gave my husband a kiss and said I was sorry.”

She explains, “I was sorry for the weeks of losing myself. I was sorry for the weeks to come when I won’t be myself, and I am sorry I can’t do it ALL like I thought I could.”

Taking the time out to collect her thoughts gave Vanessa the insight into managing motherhood that she had been searching for. “It’s okay if we can’t do it ALL because … we have already done so much!” she notes.

For more on Vanessa’s baby blues, read the full entry at VanessaLachey.com.

– Anya Leon

Comments

Mya on March 6th, 2013

All the more reasons to take a baby moon. Well wishers are nice but they really mess with the feeding and bonding cycle. Mom should never have to feel like she HAS to hand baby over to anyone. She should be holding that baby and being given what she needs by the wellwishers.

Mia on March 6th, 2013

That doesn’t sound like baby blues @ all….just stress of being a new mom/very tired.

Jen on March 6th, 2013

Hear, hear, sister. We CAN’T do it all. Let the house, the laundry, the dinner, let it all go. PPD, or baby blues are awful. Get your sleep, easy to say, hard to do.

Kelly on March 6th, 2013

That’s nothing…I was a wreck for 6 weeks afterward, crying everyday, barely able to function. Lack of sleep and hormones will do a number on you.

Melissa on March 6th, 2013

I don’t get why she wouldn’t just say i want to snuggle with my baby, you will have to wait. No one would get mad about it.

Vicky on March 6th, 2013

Aww Vanessa, I remember crying like that simply because I looked down at my baby girl and saw how much she looked like her dad. I was just bawling! LOL BUt it passes, the exhaustion from all the build up and pressure and the immensity of being a mother. But good for you for stepping out and breathing…we can’t do it all and it is okay to tell folks okay please go home, I’m tired and need to be alone with my family.

Rachel on March 6th, 2013

Um Mia… that is exactly what the “baby blues” are — stress over all the changes that come along with being a new mom. The slight feelings of saddness, exhaustion, and all that come with them. I think most new moms (even those who adopt) suffer from a period of baby blues. They’re totally different than PPD and the fact that you can pick yourself up and keep moving is what makes them the blues and NOT ppd.

I would like to think as moms we would have the power to say “Go away so I can spend time with my new baby”, but I think we all know for the most part we won’t do that.

Tina on March 6th, 2013

Yikes, she sounds like the typical compulsive new mother. Slow down and take a breath. If you’re breast-feeding then she should have been feeding on demand, not on schedule.

Cici on March 6th, 2013

Well, for the first couple weeks you ARE supposed to feed approximately every three hours because newborn tummies are tiny. That said, occasionally going a bit longer, especially if you are both blissfully sleeping is not going to hurt the baby. And after that first couple weeks, you can just go on demand, even if that means all night.

Her experience sounds like a pretty ordinary new first time mom experience. Add the hormones to the fact that you don’t feel comfortable tellin loved ones to give you space to bond with your own baby and the fact that eating and sleeping and crying all meld into one endless blur, it’s hard to be sure whether it’s all going right and that it won’t be like that forever.

Jax on March 6th, 2013

Okay the part when she talking about how she “had” to give her baby to all the well wishers and family members after each feeding. I’m sorry Vanessa, but if you and Camden have cuddle time after each feeding then so be it, you should never feel obligated to hand your son over to someone else (ever) I know you lacked a Mother in your childhood, but it seems like you still have some issues you need to deal with and its sad that you would bring a child into this world with all those insecurities.

ecl on March 6th, 2013

I was told to feed on a schedule, too, but after one night where that didn’t go well, I just fed on demand. Much easier, no issues. No point in waking a sleeping baby. They cry when they are hungry.

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

Jax- Vanessa didn’t lack a mother in her childhood. According to her biography here on PEOPLE, her parents divorced when she was young and she ended up living with her father and his new wife, who was a very loving stepmother to her.

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that Vanessa had such a hard time!

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

I agree that newborns should be fed when they’re hungry rather than on a schedule. After all, I doubt any of us would appreciate being told that even though we’re hungry, we have to wait because it’s not our scheduled eating time yet!

Danielle on March 7th, 2013

Thank you, Vanessa, for being honest. For letting other moms (-to-be) know that all is not always happiness and joy! Thank you for that!

kazumi on March 7th, 2013

i think she overreacted a bit but then, that’s how moms are….

F on March 7th, 2013

Actually Melissa, people get really offended when mothers don’t just hand the baby over after a feeding. I had a lot of people agitated because we were breastfeeding, and not having to supplement with formula, and they couldn’t feed the baby. The idea it takes a village maybe true, but bonding is so important and the village isn’t always helpful at first – when they’re so available.

Sandy on March 7th, 2013

we all feel like that at some point! it’s exhausting! you did the right thing- you took a well needed break and recharged yourself! we should all remember we are human and need to do that to stay sane! your doing a great job.

Hey hey now.... on March 7th, 2013

Whoa Jax! Who are you to judge? She’s a good woman in a very stable marriage to a good man. They had every right to bring a child into this world! What Vanessa is going through is so common and almost every woman who has a new baby goes through it. She’s exhausted, overwhelmed and still a little confused about what to do. It’s their first child, so there’s an enormous learning curve there. Whether or not she had a “mother” figure in her life has zero to do with her feelings now.

Kudos to Vanessa for realizing her true feelings and excusing herself for some personal downtime. She handled herself in a positive way and was able to come back with her mind clear and battery charged. Your comment was rude, tacky and just plain spiteful. If you’re raising children, I can only hope you have your village there to help because you’re just rude and spiteful.

Lady on March 7th, 2013

What a cutie pie!!

DaisyDuke67 on March 7th, 2013

I bet it was a PITA for her with people CONSTANTLY wanting to hold her her baby boy. Everybody (FAMILY INCLUDED) should have given them their space and let them adapt to being parents. I know they all wanted to see the baby, but so did Nick and Vanessa.

My own family was the same way with the first couple of births, now we are lucky if we see the kids before they are six months old, at a holiday gathering. We don’t all rush to the hospital every time a baby is born, especially my nieces with 2-3 kids already.

susan on March 7th, 2013

OMG Seriously!?!?! Whine whine whine…it is a contest between her and Jessica over who can have the newest baby story – both of you grow the F up, keep yourself and your kids outta the media and go away!!

Kat on March 7th, 2013

I went through the exact same thing when my son was born. The hormones were INSANE. Instead of starbucks, I went to dunkin donuts, then headed to the library to read a book and some girly magazines for a while. Sometimes, you just have to get away and collect yourself for a bit!

delightfulstamping on March 7th, 2013

So tired of reading about the rich celebrities having a hard time and how “bad” they have it. How many new moms are out there that don’t have the luxury to jump in their cars with a sunroof and skip on over to Starbucks. So pretentious, shallow and self involved.

Tracy on March 7th, 2013

I don’t know about you guys but do you get the feeling Vanessa and Jessica are competing on baby issues? When one says something then not even an get day goes by without the other one saying something as well. I don’t know.

Monkeyfarts101 on March 7th, 2013

Who the hell are all of these nasty people?? I get that it’s the whole, free speech interwebz thing, but really??? This woman opened up about a hard time she was having. It may have been “normal” baby blues, i.e. hormone roller coaster, but to HER it was a big deal. That’s all that matters, it really doesn’t matter if YOU don’t think it was a big deal.

You had 6 weeks of blues? Well that sucks, and I’m sorry you went through it. But don’t compare. Don’t add to the Mommy Wars. Many people don’t talk about the down side after a baby is born (not that all women experience it because some don’t) and I’m thankful that she is being honest. That’s all.

Trish on March 7th, 2013

I think it’s fantastic that Vanessa is sharing this, because maybe it sounds silly to someone who has never been in the situation, and we can all say “Well you don’t HAVE to hand the baby over” or “She sounds compulsive”, but that’s how I felt as a new mother as well. There is nothing more important than taking care of your children, and I don’t know many first-time mothers who don’t want to do every single thing perfectly!

It is the most amazing gift to have children, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have little meltdowns from time to time, and we can’t always control it. The more we talk about it, the more we’ll understand it when it’s happening to us and be able to deal with it the best way for ourselves, and as a result, for our babies.

ColeB on March 7th, 2013

It’s nice to hear a celeb say everything wasn’t all peaches the first few weeks. What she went through is SO normal! I remember feeling like I just wanted to be everyone to leave us alone and balling hysterically about not getting the laundry done or having enough energy to go for a walk. Hormones and sleep deprivation are a crazy combination and can really mess with your mind.

vivaladiva831 on March 7th, 2013

I had the same problem with my first, overcrowded hospital room, non stop visitors. After our daughter was born and I handed her to my husband, he proceeded to hand her to the next person and she was passed around the room. I used to use breastfeeding as an excuse to take her off to another room and get her away from being passed around like a new toy.

It was much worse with his friends and family, but in hindsight neither one of us knew what our boundaries should be. I was much more comfortable saying no to people with my second. We didn’t when tell anyone we were going to have him when it came time for the hospital except our parents, and I didn’t even take my phone to the hospital with me that time. I waited until we got home before any announcements were made. . So I actually got to rest and enjoy my time with my new baby in the hospital.

sticker on March 7th, 2013

What degree in psychology do you hold, Jax??

Megan on March 7th, 2013

thank you vanessa, for being “real” and making the rest of us feel connected. i experienced baby blues after my son was born, and its very difficult. i appreciate your honesty and hope you’re feeling back to yourself soon!

kitty62862 on March 7th, 2013

Awww, been there, done that. Sympathetic hug. It gets better.

Lori Cooke on March 7th, 2013

Sounds more like she had some normal hormonal moments. Im sure there are quite a few moms who have experienced “baby blues” who arent going to like this story. Im sure they all wish a shower, starbucks and a car ride in the sun was all they needed.

my two cents on March 7th, 2013

I remember feeding our first child on schedule (strict schedule) and after an hour or two she’d cry and cry until i fed her again!? She was prbly crying cuz she was so hungry!? When our second child was born i just fed him when he cried and he was happy, he never cried!? Moral of my story: no matter what you told me i was so stubborn and i kept that child on a schedule…, and until i learned my lesson (schedules don’t work) is when i did things that worked and we were all happy. Good Luck Vanessa.., you live and learn!

Dee on March 7th, 2013

Oh for god’s sake, grow up! Not waking up for a feed is not the end of the world and if you don’t want to hand over the baby THEN DON’T!

Dee on March 7th, 2013

What a complete idiot. Not waking for a feed is not the end of the world and if you don’t want to hand over the baby THEN DON’T!

Emily on March 7th, 2013

When she talks about being upset that her “maternal instinct” didn’t kick in, it made me tear up. I just wanted to be like “Oh honey! Your maternal instinct works just fine…that time, it was telling you that you and Camden needed that extra sleep!” Giving birth isn’t just hard work for mama, it is hard work for the baby, as well. I never wake a sleeping baby. If he is ok, then he is ok.

The baby blues are hard. I had them after my 2nd child (and first son!) and it is not easy for anyone in the family. It affects mommy, and daddy, too! Men feel so helpless, my hubs just didn’t know what to do when I was crying.

Kat on March 7th, 2013

Did she seek professional counseling, talk to her Dr. Somebody? She need not go through those emotions alone, that’s why some women hurt themselves or their newborns.

mg on March 7th, 2013

oh, boo hoo.

Sapphire on March 7th, 2013

…and this is why I decided to not have kids.

BBB on March 7th, 2013

This is a poorly written article about her blog. It seems like she wants to spend every second with her baby, then she’s upset other people are taking the time, then when she has the time she leaves because she’s upset, then she takes a shower and all is well. Her actual article, which is linked at the bottom, makes sense but this blurb does a really poor job of promoting what she actually wrote.

Mandy on March 7th, 2013

I was like this myself. The only time I got to hold my newborn was when I was breastfeeding her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I never said anything. Just like I didn’t get much sleep in the hospital because of all the people visiting. Next time I will sleep whether people are there or not! They aren’t there to see me anyway. I also stuck to a schedule & didn’t feed on demand. For me it was about every 2 hours unless she was sleeping, then I just let her sleep, & fed her when she woke up.

Lekili on March 7th, 2013

Let the baby sleep, he’ll wake up when he’s hungry or wet so take advantage and nap as well. This doesn’t make you a bad mother.

observer on March 7th, 2013

Why doesn’t she shut up and go away? She just continues to try to get attention. She’s another wannabe.

K on March 7th, 2013

I’m loving her more and more. And seriously, that is one gorgeous little boy.

Angela on March 7th, 2013

My mother in law arrived when my son was 2 days old for a week. She traveled 5000km to be there, yes sometimes there are expectations that the well wishers will get the baby. I totally understand how she felt.

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

I think this was very brave of her! sometime people , we all do it tend to feel or think we do have to do it all.

Kimberly on March 7th, 2013

I have been struggling with postpartum depression since my baby was born 7 months ago, things are much better now, but there are still hard days.

just sayin on March 7th, 2013

This woman will do anything to keep her name in the press and relevant, same with her D list hubby.

Tys Mom on March 7th, 2013

I’m glad people are talking about this more often. Lots of new moms go through blues to big time depression. I can remember crying, looking over at my son sleeping peaceful in his bouncy, and crying harder because it seemed like I should have no reason to be upset. Being a new mom IS overwhelming and tiring and not everyone understands.

Crystal on March 7th, 2013

I don’t get it? People on this blog are rude and judgemental. Jax and Susan you guys are assholes! She is a new mother with new experiences and she chose to share them with us. Why don’t we support more instead of being nasty?
Vanessa- I am sorry that you went through this but am glad you came out on the other side. I love your little family. Soooo sweet!

IAMOM on March 7th, 2013

I never had PPD or baby blues, but I did have to set an alarm to wake my daughter at night, becasue she was not gaining weight and I needed to make sure she ate every 3 hours. Thankfully that only lasted a cople weeks. Being a 1st time parent is hard because you do have all these expectations, and when it doesn’t happen you are so tired that they get to you more. With the 2nd child it was 10x easier and more relaxing so you enjoy it more…

ANNETTE on March 7th, 2013

LOVED THIS, WILL MAKE ALL MOTHERS UNDERSTAND WHY THEY FEEL THE WAY THE DO AT TIMES!!! THANKS VANESSA!!

Carol on March 7th, 2013

That baby will tell you when he is hungry no need for a schedule..

Kate on March 7th, 2013

That is why you always ask people to call first to see if it is OK to drop by. You need that time with your baby to bond and get to know one another. It is too much when you get home for everyone to come over. They are your family and friends they should respect that, if not then maybe the should not be welcome in your home.

LPW on March 7th, 2013

Based on the title of the article, I thought she had a diagnosed case of PPD. Fortunately, it doesn’t sound like it was that severe. (If it had been, she probably would have kept driving that day she took off and went to Starbucks, instead of returning home.) Sounds more like her expectations of her own ability were too high or that some of those well-wishers just needed to go back home. I hope things are better now.

Robyn on March 7th, 2013

Well, she wouldn’t be a celebrity if she didn’t claim postpartum depression. Not to be confused with celebrity “look at me, why isn’t anybody looking at me?” syndrome or “what’s one more way to cash in on the publicity from this baby” syndrome. Oh wait, maybe it is.

Bev on March 7th, 2013

All you judgmental people have obviously never had kids. If you have, and are still this judgmental, that is just sad. Because I know before I was a Mommy I would have not been so understanding simply because I was clueless. I’m in my third pregnancy now and each one has been so different. And after each kid was born it was so different. Hormones are a weird thing! I am so not a crier, but this pregnancy all I do is cry. Over the silliest things:)

Can I just say “Jax” that being emotional after you have a baby is not that you are an insecure person who shouldn’t have had kids. It’s normal. And it gets better. If you are a Mom and have never had feelings like this…or of guilt, then I’m sorry but you are the minority. Furthermore, just because Vanessa is rich doesn’t mean she isn’t human with emotions. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard…I didn’t realize that if you were wealthy with a charmed life, you will be exempt from the stresses of motherhood! Good grief!

Jill on March 7th, 2013

This is all so true and very well written. Thank you for sharing your experience. May you help others who feel this same way or very soon may feel this way.

Tina on March 7th, 2013

Aww, I feel for her. I remember those crying days. Watching the sun come. When the baby slept, I slept.

Lisy on March 7th, 2013

Stop being so judgemental toeveryone who has a negative comment. Shes just sharing what she went through. We are not perfect.. enjoy motherhood Vanessa

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

I had the baby blues too. This too shall pass.

Abby on March 7th, 2013

Oh my goodness… hating commenters. The girl was just writing about HER experience. So many new mothers feel like failures when the baby comes. What a wonderful thing for Vanessa to open up like this and show other new Moms that they are not alone. If she decided to get on a schedule right away – GOOD FOR HER. She sounds like she is doing the best she can to be the best Mom she can… Great job, Vanessa! Your honesty & thoughts are so sweet! Keep up the good work.

katrina on March 7th, 2013

I see all these nasty comments about her feeding on a schedule.. I have had 3 children. 2 i fed on demand, 1 i did on the schedule. It is not for you to judge which is right for someone else. There are many ways to raise a child and hers is what is right or her.. NOT YOU! Geez.. bunch of overgrown children arguing because you know her life best. I a professional nanny and can tell you, i have worked with kids on schedules and on demand and franky.. i see no difference except the scheduled babys sleep better, and have less stressed parents. To each their own. Now.. coming from a family of 5 sisters, and a loving wonderful mother.. i felt the same hand the baby over my first time as well.. especially with my husbands family, whom are pushier than mine is. Its normal and rarely do first time moms really know how to say no, or even have the energy to say no. give her a break, she wants time with her baby, but also wanted his family to be close and have time as well.. that is to be commended. Good luck to them!

Messiejessy on March 7th, 2013

WOW Jax! Since when does Vanessa having a hard time saying no to people who are wanting to hold her baby translate in to mommy issues??? You are a quack! I remember the first few weeks after having my baby and it was almost exactly like her experience to the T. High’s and low’s, happy and crying for no reason at all. The overwhelming exhaustion, hormones, pain of breastfeeding, recovering from surgery (if you happened to have it); sometimes it just all becomes a little too much. And I too had the most supportive, hands on, ready to help husband out there. But I remember one day as I was just finishing feeding her, I finally had to stand up and say to my mother and sister, Hey guys – I hope you don’t mind, but I actually just want to hold her myself for a little while. The look on their face was like a deer in headlights. They were totally fine with it and understood completely. But it’s like it never occurs to anyone that while breaks from the baby here and there would be nice for a new mommy, after a while it’s like you don’t even get to enjoy your own child because everyone else is cuddling with them during their comfy sleeping time. It really is as Vanessa says where it seems like everybody was always ready and waiting for “the milk machine” to be finished it’s job so they could get to adore the baby too. So the down side was that, I felt like the only time I got to really be with my baby at all was feeding time. When they are screaming and gnawing on you to get fed. Yes on one hand it’s a great bonding experience, but sometimes it is just nice to sit back, with your child in your arms, and get to stare at them in wonder and amazement. It’s easy to get the blues being a new mom. It happens to MOST new moms without a doubt. And for the record…. doesn’t have anything to do with childhood “mommy issues”.

Emily on March 7th, 2013

Yea, that is not the baby blues. The baby blues are very different and much more scary than that. That just sounds like the normal adjustment of a first time mom! It’s good of her to share this regardless…no one is perfect!

Nannyto1 on March 7th, 2013

When my daughter was born, my parents, sister, in-laws, friends came to visit at the hospital. But after we went home, I politely requested no more company for a few weeks. My husband and I needed time to adjust and figure things out on our own and I didn’t feel bad at all for telling them so. They were fine… a holiday weekend rolled around a few weeks later and everyone came and then everyone went again. It worked well for us and we never really felt overwhelmed. Congrats to them… Camden is sweet!!

kira on March 7th, 2013

Vanessa I notice everyday you and Nick have to post some kind of nonsense so that you think you can stay relevant to the public, No one is interested in your ploys to remain in the public eye. Sorry you are no competition for Jessica Simpson.

Meg on March 7th, 2013

Kira, Jessica Simpson is no competition for anyone; she’s common trash with the IQ of a rock, and she will do anything for attention, even though she’s no longer relevant, either.

Steph on March 7th, 2013

Thank you, Vanessa, for this interview. You articulately described what so many new mothers feel. Thank you for making me feel normal and “okay” in not always being okay. I wish I could more accurately describe how much this article touched me.

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

Umm..this is not the baby blues. And it’s sad that this is portrayed as some type of post partium depression. This is why a lot of people don’t think its a real or very dangerous thing. Shame on People for putting this in the same category as something so serious.

Guest on March 7th, 2013

Thank you for sharing that Vanessa. It helps new moms know that they aren’t alone in the baby blues battle.

Lori on March 7th, 2013

Figures she would come out with a story the same week Jessica admitted she was having a boy!

Kat on March 7th, 2013

There’s so much pressure on moms to be everything for everyone. We need to learn how to prioritize, and we need to learn how to say NO! Kudos to her for sharing her moments of feeling vulnerable because all us moms have them and that’s okay!

Lori on March 7th, 2013

It’s funny how she came out with her baby story the same week Jessica mentioned that she was having a boy!

Amanda on March 7th, 2013

Isn’t it funny how Jessica Simpson just announced that she is having a boy and has made headlines, now here comes Mrs. Nick Lachey with some sudden story to tell. I can’t help but to notice that every time Jess is in the spotlight, Vanessa has put herself out there, too. It’s like Vanessa feels a need to compete with Jessica. Guess what, Vanessa. There is no competition.

mcj on March 7th, 2013

Good for her but this makes “baby blues” so trivial and like a few hours to yourself will cure it all. If only it were that easy.

Jenn on March 7th, 2013

I give her my applause, she was real and admitted that being a mom is not easy. She doesn’t go off and say she gave the baby to a nanny, but that she handed the baby to Nick. Her wanting the quality bonding time tells readers she is a real person and a real mother. People will often comment on celebrities and how they don’t care what is going on with them, but seriously your on this site reading about them, and knowing they keep it real means they are just like you and I, they just have cameras following them at all times, which is already a jailed lifestyle, and the fact that they share normalcy is amazing. Congrats to their new family!

Holly on March 7th, 2013

I read that a new mom should limit visitors to the house for the first couple of weeks so that 1, you reduce the germs coming into the house, and 2, so that you have time to take care of your baby.

janette on March 7th, 2013

so in order to feel better she created greenhouse gases and bought plastic/paper/coffee that rapes the rainforest and destroys the lives of local coffee growers. Driving as therapy is old school; we know better now. The solution is walking or running or…doing something for someone else. Period. Yeah, a hot bath and a journal maybe. But not driving, Vanessa. Not driving. Shame on you.

Pia Razon on March 7th, 2013

I am so tired of hearing rich women talk about baby blues. There are women whose husbands walk out of them mid pregnancy and leave them broke. They have their babies and have to return to work within weeks because they have rent to pay. They stay up all night by themselves caring for their newborns, wake up at 4:00 a.m. to catch the early morning bus so they can drop their baby off at day care and be at work by 8:00 a.m. They work all day, catch the bus back to pick up their baby and catch another bus to get to the grocery store, fill up their strollers with groceries and catch another bus home. They get home, cook dinner, clean their house, do laundry and stay up half the night with a screaming baby all so they can do it over again. This is cause for baby blues. What she’s experiencing is a lack of a pedicure. Keep it moving Vanessa!

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

Good for her to realize that she really can’t do it all! Sounds like there were WAY too many people visiting all the time. A newborn really shouldn’t be around all those people that early anyway. Mom and Dad need quite, bonding time the first few weeks. THEN let some people visit slowly. I’m glad it sounds like she’s doing better. She did the right thing by handing her baby over to Nick and getting out for a bit. That’s safer than the other option of shaken baby syndrome.

Anonymous on March 7th, 2013

What a precious Baby!

Rachel on March 7th, 2013

There are clearly a lot of commenters that do not know the difference between the “baby blues” and post partum depression. What Vanessa describes here is baby blues to a “t”. Most mothers experience baby blues of some sort – all to different degrees, but they typically overcome it after a couple weeks of adjustment with their new baby. It can be a feeling of exhaustion, stress, or just feeling out of control, but it doesn’t involve the utter despair and depression of PPD. PPD is totally different. Vanessa never claimed to have PPD… or anything close to it.

soulflower939 on March 7th, 2013

NOT a MOTHER? DO NOT COMMENT!

Lucky enough not to get the baby blues? Keep your judgement to yourself!

Thank you Vanessa for the honesty!

Katty on March 7th, 2013

First of all babies NEED to be on a schedule for the first few days or so, they must be woken every 2-3 hours through the day and night. After the first week or so they will feed on demand…all babies are different. Second of all, 8 out of every 10 women will experience the baby blues, it is completely normal (2 out of 10 will experience postpartum depression – which starts past 6 weeks weeks and can affect you up to 1 year postpartum). A new mom needs sleep and needs to do as little as possible…no cooking, no cleaning, no visitors…no nothing! She needs to take care of herself and her baby. Her body is trying to heal and can become exhausted very easily which can be dangerous. Moms need to worry about nothing or no one else (as mean as that might sound) and just take care of her and the baby and it will get easier. Being a new mom is hard as you don’t know what to expect or what to do but you will figure it out. Enjoy your new little one.

Karen on March 7th, 2013

Aww cut yourself some slack. Babies – even a brand new one – will not let themselves starve. They sleep when they need to sleep and eat when they need to eat. I don’t know why nurses sabotage this. It’s one thing to tell a mom that the baby will likely WANT to eat every 2 hours or so. But don’t tell them they should feed on a schedule. My kids ate every hour or so at first. It’s what they needed, and what established my supply. You don’t have to be a perfect parent, and don’t be afraid to tell people what you need – including holding time. You’ll be great.

Carol on March 7th, 2013

I can understand what Vanessa’s saying, I had some bad times with my second son, too. He’s now 27 years old. What I don’t get is why a maternity nurse, or even her OB/GYN didn’t tell her that her feelings were normal. When I was in the hospital, I had sympathetic nurses who talked to me about the how the hormones would make things crazy for awhile. My doc ordered my first husband (now ex) to stop bringing friends to see our son, as I was overwhelmed with visitors. My roommate had a lot of visitors, all day and even at night. I didn’t get sleep. My roommate was moved out so she could have her own room, my doctor told the nurses to bottle feed my son for a couple nights so I could sleep. I had a son at home, and my doc was worried I would not get any rest at home (he was right). It sounds like Vanessa didn’t have much support at the hospital after her son was born.

Guest on March 7th, 2013

Kelly, it’s really not a competition.

Jadey on March 7th, 2013

Lol you don’t have to be a rich celebrity to go to Starbucks…jealous much?!

gagirl on March 7th, 2013

What makes me sad about this article is that it’s never, EVER the men who feel like this. Sometimes it sucks being a woman. I feel awful that she felt like she had to apologize to her husband. When will we as women ever feel like we’re enough?? It’s too much. I think if more men acted like 50/50 partners (not Nick, just in general) it wouldn’t be so bad. We can’t do everything nor should we.

LaShelle on March 7th, 2013

That bay is sooo soo adorable….

MD on March 7th, 2013

Kelly, just b/c her experience doesn’t match yours exactly doesn’t mean hers was “nothing”. You epitomize the self-centeredness that plagues modern culture. To compare her life to yours (based on a condensed story as told on a blog), and then dismiss & belittle her. Get over yourself honey!

Stef on March 7th, 2013

she’s a box of drama..I watched a couple of episodes of their show and she is so dramatic about everything..I don’t know how he stands it

Sarah on March 7th, 2013

She’s really reaching here. That’s not baby blues at all – sleeping through a feeding – ha! Need some attention, Vanessa?!? I had to wait one month before holding my baby, and had to wait four months before bringing him home from the hospital. THAT is baby blues for you!!!

jj on March 7th, 2013

I have to agree that the family well wishers are jerks if they keep a new mom from her baby.

This happened to me when my Mother in Law showed up and parked her princess ass on my couch for a week, clutching my crying, hungry 1 week old son, insisting to me how great she was at calming fussy babies, and why couldn’t I just make him a bottle of formula so she could feed him…blah, blah, blah. What a selfish idiot she is. I was exclusively nursing. I wanted to kill her and then my husband for not stopping the madness. And no, that witch didn’t cook us a meal once or put in a load of laundry, nothing, she didn’t lift a finger. And no, it wasn’t different with my family, my mom is dead. “Family” can really suck.

Anonymous on March 8th, 2013

Katty- Yes, babies need to eat about every two to three hours in the beginning, but they will wake on their own and let you know when it’s time. You most certainly do NOT need to put them on a schedule (in most cases, anyway. If there are medical issues, such as a concern about the baby’s weight, then a schedule might be needed at first)!

gagirl- Actually, from what I’ve read, a lot of new fathers DO go through a form of baby blues. They just don’t talk about it nearly as much (mostly because, unfourtnately, a lot of people still don’t think it’s okay for men to cry or feel down!).

Rachel- I couldn’t have said it better myself!

dudley doright on March 8th, 2013

she’s being too hard on herself

Sadie G on March 8th, 2013

Sounds like someone had her expectations too high. I never liked her at all. Seems like a drama queen.

me on March 8th, 2013

Seriously…??? Every new mom gets overwhelmed at some point but this….come on! That isn’t the baby blues- not even close!

lola on March 8th, 2013

Attention whore, as a huge need to have people talking, wants the lime light …can’t stand Jessica shinning… This girl is so fake glad she ended up with Nick, two idiots! I have to say the baby is really cute.

Kate on March 8th, 2013

Vanessa’s story sounds very familiar. You cannot understand why you feel so alone when everyone around you is full of love and you love the little baby more than life itself. It may pass on its own or you may need help, but the important thing is to acknowledge the moment.

Stormy on March 8th, 2013

What makes her so different from others is vanessa is so real, so in touch with her feelings and emotions. They make such wonderful parents.. GOD bless them..

Aly on March 8th, 2013

He really is an adorable little boy.

K on March 8th, 2013

I can totally relate to her. I had 6 weeks of post partum anxiety, not depression, anxiety. I love my 14 month old more than anything and looking back I feel awful I was so overwhelmed. I have a wonderful, supportive husband but sometimes you can’t control how you feel, especially when you’re a first time mom.

Allie on March 8th, 2013

This baby is by far the most adorable baby i’ve ever seen in my entire life of looking at babies for 26 years (baby sitter, child care worker, photographer & nanny.) He actually reminds me of Suri Cruise when she was this age. I reckon if Tom + Katie had had a son after Suri, he’d look exactly like camden, aww! xo

lily on March 8th, 2013

Baby Camden looks so much like Nick.

Anyway, glad Vanessa is in a better space. Unfortunately mums are stressed out because of all the information people bombard, I mean advise them to do. My aunt is a perinatal doctor and her expert advice is that we follow the schedule/cycle of the baby NOT the other way around. The is, when baby needs to eat, baby will let us know, not feed him on a 3 hr schedule. Also remember no two babies are alike so try not to compare your baby to another.

SKM on March 8th, 2013

I think her little man is such a beautiful child

just sayin on March 8th, 2013

more like the I want to stay relevant blues

Destiney on March 8th, 2013

That is one Beautiful baby!!!

JM on March 8th, 2013

That baby is Nick’s spitting image.

Tammy on March 8th, 2013

I agree with Mia. It sounds a whole lot more like the reality of being a new Mom than “baby blues”. It’s always been my understanding that “baby blues” is mild post partum depression.

There certainly is a difference between real depression and feeling overwhelmed as a new Mom. I’ve been there, I know.

Debbe on March 9th, 2013

Unlike Vanessa, I did not have a man at home, nor family nor friends on this island when I had my baby, but like her, I did have some times where I cried as I was breastfeeding, and occasionally felt the blues, but I knew that it was a normal process and so I did not think much about it, and did not rebel, I accepted the sad feeling and you know what, I think from doing that it made it go away faster, because I gave no attention to it. Everytime I felt sad, I just looked at that little boy with out a father, and I knew I had to make that up to him and give him some happiness while I am here…alive.

Anonymous on March 9th, 2013

All of you who are saying she’s lying about having the baby blues…Shame on you! You are the reason why a lot of poeple don’t think the baby blues or PPD are “real” conditions and a lot of women are extremely hesitant to discuss their experiences with them! I hope you’re proud of yourselves!

mommyof5 on March 16th, 2013

i remember when i had my fourth son i felt horrible that looking at this beautiful baby was not enough i was cryijng and mad and sad and full of why cant i just hold my baby and everything will be better feelong wasnt there, new mothers if you dont take a break and breath you are not able to remain sain. i agree let the dishes and laundry build up before you allow your emotions overwhelm yourself

Anonymous on March 22nd, 2013

This is why wet nurses were so popular:)