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Kristen Bell’s Birth Plan Involves Whiskey and a Baseball Bat

01/24/2013 at 02:00 PM ET

Kristen Bell is very much looking forward to childbirth — and all the drugs, alcohol and violence that go with it.

“I’ve got nothing to prove,” the House of Lies actress, 32, jokes about her birth plan — and whether she’ll go natural — in an interview airing Thursday on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

“I feel like when I arrive at the hospital, I want a glass of whiskey, I want the epidural in my back. And I want to get hit in the face with a baseball bat and wake me up when it’s over, because I’ve seen the videos and it looks terrifying.”

When the child does finally emerge, he or she will already have a favorite hobby: off-roading with dad Dax Shepard.

“He is [excited],” Bell says of her Parenthood actor fiancé. “In different ways than I am. He’s just thinking about all the off-roading he’ll have in this tiny partner.”

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DeGeneres said that sounds like she’s having a boy but Bell wouldn’t confirm that, although she does know the sex of the baby, due in late spring.

“Do you have to be a boy off-road? Absolutely not,” she says. “I think he’s going to force [the baby], even if it’s a sloth, to off-road.”

As she mentioned a year ago on Ellen, Bell is actually quite obsessed with sloths. So this time, DeGeneres surprised her with a real sloth — named Lola.

– Tim Nudd

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Showing 50 comments

Jennifer on

Hilarious! I felt the same way. Birth is amazing and beautiful, but it really does hurt like heck. Good luck, Kristen! And thank goodness for epidurals!! :-)

poppykai on

I know she was half joking, but it is so refreshing to hear a celebrity state the fact that labor is incredibly painful. I know she hasn’t gone through the birth yet but I am happy that she knows what she wants (pain relief) and isn’t going on about childbirth being easy and drug-free is the safest for baby….. I knew before I was even pregnant that I would want an epidural and thank goodness for them!

Good luck Kristen on a safe and mostly pain free delivery.

Kat on

Umm having a drug-free birth does not mean you are trying to “prove” anything. What an idiot, but still wish her the best.

guest on

Very funny! Have had several kids and if you get the epidural early rather than toughing it out then getting it in a rush later….. It will be fine. And don’t watch those videos!!

kim on

i hope she was just joking. lol

J on

Lighten up Kat. There are some women out there who DO preach and try to make other women feel bad about having drugs during birth.

Lisa on

Love her! She is so hilarious!

J on

Wow Kim…

LizzyM on

Of course she’s nervous as a first-time mom, and I have no problem with epidurals (as I had two with a very long labor), but there is NOTHING like pushing that child out and watching him/her come into the world. I hope she realizes that and doesn’t miss out on a possible once in a lifetime experience.

Andrea on

So glad to hear someone who isn’t afraid to admit to the world they’re probably getting an epidural. So many moms think it makes them “super mom” to go through it without meds. Sorry to say, but the “super mom” stuff comes later when you’re actually raising them.

Andrea on

Completely agree J!

Anonymous on

Well, no need to watch the show now. Those of us out west don’t get it until 5 pm ET. Thanks.

Sarah on

I’m one of those people that prior do having something done (tattoo, minor medical procedures, whatever) I’ll make the mistake of YouTubing it. I refuse to do that when it comes to childbirth (we’re TTC.) I know it will hurt, but women are made for it! I know the pain doesn’t last forever and things will go back to normal eventually!

guest on

I don’t care what anyone says- the epidural (when it works) is a beautiful thing!

Sammi on

Kristen is so cute! As is the sloth

Jen on

She is so adorable! congrats to her and Dax!

ALM on

I was completely out for the count due to an emergency c-section (and other emergency issues…). I didn’t even meet my daughter until she was about 30 hours old. Guess what? We didn’t miss out on any special bonding and we don’t carry any emotional scars because of it. Every mom is different, every birth experience is different. I applaud Kristin for knowing what she can and can’t handle, and sticking to her guns.

TMOM on

She is awesome.. all these people with Birth plans.. lol.. mine was “just get her out” LOL.. and we “bonded” just fine!

valeskas on

I just love Kristen Bell and her fondness of sloths. Never paid them much attention, but now I do. Good Luck Kristen and Dax.

anne on

Did one with an epidural and one without. Both were fine both hurt in different ways. She should not watch too many birthing movies and classes they only freak you out. Millions of people do it everyday and live to tell about it!

Aneta on

Kat, I don’t think she was trying to be offensive to women that went drug-free, for whatever reason. I think lately there is a lot of one-upmanship occuring with who can have the more “natural” childbirth. If the child is coming out of your body, it is natural!

Megan on

Everyone is different.

Cat on

I think it’s very refreshing for Kristen to be honest about childbirth and the fact that it hurts. My only caution is be prepared in case for some reason drugs are not an option. It happened to me even though an epidural was what I wanted. Regardless my daughter is happy and healthy and I know what I would like for my second birth this Spring. Best of luck Kristen. And don’t watch anymore videos – you’ll just freak yourself out :)

w on

That is very funny…She sounds like a fun person… Tom Brady’s wife ( can’t remember her name right now, which I’m sure would kill her) is the first annoying new mom who came to mind who definitely has something to prove with her beautiful natural birth and everyone has to breast-feed tirades.

melissa on

“…go back to normal…” stop you’re making me laugh. You keep thinking that.

Emily B. on

Love this girl!

Tink on

Love!!! Finally a real celebrity not trying to push the so-called “natural” movement. Modern medicine is awesome, good for her for being real & brilliant.

Juline on

Sarah, having given birth 11 months ago, I can tell you that you’re right. It hurts really bad, but things go back to normal like you said, and it’s all worth it!

Em13 on

I don’t know who’s cuter – the sloth or Kristen talking to the sloth.

Anonymous on

How much does it hurt to have the needle inserted in your back? Cause that hurts too and I’m terrified!

Libbie on

Love her…agreed, great if you can make it without drugs but man, I was so happy to have an epidural. I had complications and wound up with a C-section after my daughter was stuck..so in the end, I would have had to have drugs regardless…but I already knew my limitations.! MY “birth plan” included the epidural and in the end, happy I had a healthy daughter, no matter how she got out of there. Some ppl have the body/hips to get those kids out naturally with no issues and god bless them..I wasn’t one of those ppl but I know I am no less of a Mom because I had to have an epidural or c-seciton. People really need to chill and realize everyone has their experience and it all great because the end result is a child, which is truly a miracle!

Angie on

@Anonymous (at the bottom of the page…I really wish the reply link was there!), the 2 epidurals I had (I had one natural) didn’t hurt AT ALL. I could barely feel the needle. With my first child I thought it was just because my labor pains were really really bad (off the charts). But, when I had my third baby I wasn’t in any pain yet when they gave it to me, and I could still hardly feel it. Maybe I’m a weird one? lol My pain tolerance isn’t high or anything though so I really don’t think so. You’ll be fine! :)

Melody on

I think the “nothing to prove” comment is probably because right now, there’s a culture in motherhood where people are preaching and pressuring left right and centre about “drug free” and “natural” births, and anybody who pursues a pain-relief path is a lesser mortal. I’m not saying all Mums are like that; but the culture and pressure is certainly out there.

Anyway, I find Kristen’s approach really funny and refreshing! Good luck to Kristen on her journey :)

Lola on

EVERYONE that has a drug-free birth brags about it ang says how any other way is bad sounds like people trying to prove something to me, but thanks Kat.

Anonymous on

I have had two kids, one I planned on going without pain medication with (and ended up having to get one when I got to 6 and couldn’t stop pushing) and one that i planned on seeing when i got there…well I sure saw alright!! They broke my water at8:00 and at 8:45 I was holding my second!…without pain medication…don’t let ANYONE bully you into not getting drugs if ya want em! You can do it but man…it hurts and that is the understatement of the century!

Bridget on

So refreshing !!! I just love her !!!When I had my daughter the L&D nurse asked if I wanted pain management .. I politely requested “Whatever is legally allowed” .. It’s a personal choice but I know 1st time parents who preached their anti epidural opinions and insulted parents who opted for them .. Needless to say ever single one got the drugs …

Beach Mom on

Gorgeous mama to be! Enjoy the journey!

Julie on

Her comments are just as divisive as the celeb moms that promote going drug free. I wish her well and a happy baby. But, we women need to stop with all this. Have your baby in whatever way works for you and the baby. The end.

CCex on

Well drug free is best. Feel free to google the risks of an epidural. I don’t understand how not using medication become looked down upon. It’s not about having something to prove, it’s about weighing the pros and cons for yourself. I found too many cons with the pain meds and went natural. Very happy about it all, but don’t give a rats behind what others do.

Sara on

Boy, Boy, Boy. You’re having a boy. Nice try keeping it a secret!

Anonymous on

Julie- All she said was that she wants an epidural! She didn’t say that anyone who doesn’t is bad or that her way is “right” or anything else preachy. I fail to see the problem with that!

Anonymous (the one who wondered about the pain of the epidural needle)- I’m right there with you! The thought of a huge needle being stuck into my back scares the crap out of me!

So does the thought of not being able to feel my lower body (heck, I don’t even like it when I have to have part of my mouth numbed at the dentist’s office!)! Suffice it to say, I’d be passing on the Epidural (as well as narcotics, as the women in my family don’t tend to respond well to them!) if I were ever to have children (thankfully I happen to have an unusually high pain tolerance!)!

Anonymous on

It seems that I’m alone in this, but her comments about Dax going off-roading with the baby make me cringe. I very nearly lost a cousin to an ATV accident not too long ago, and I’ve heard of several other off-roading-related accidents, too.

I hope that at the very least Dax will make sure both he and the baby are wearing helmets!

Anonymous on

Bridget- I’ll bet that made the nurse chuckle! :)

lovely123 on

She has a birth plan, but not a commitment plan with the father.

klutzy_girl on

Oh my goodness, “anonymous” you really think he doesn’t know about helmets and safety gear. C’mon….

Rachelle on

I remember after watching the videos telling my OB that I definitely wanted the epidural, but was not sure about the pain meds (worried about effect on baby). He just smiled knowingly and said, “Well, you may change your mind on that.” In the end my Week 39 checkup turned into a night in the hospital and a c-section the next morning.

Beth on

She is soooo cute !

Anonymous on

klutzy_girl- I never said that! I said that I hope he’ll USE them! Knowing about something does not equal using it when you should (next time you’re on a long car trip, for example, count the number of helmetless motorcyclists you see vs. the helmeted ones. The former will almost certainly far out-number the latter!)!

Anonymous on

anne- Not neccesarily. I’ve watched plenty of birthing videos (and I’m not even pregnant, nor do I intend to be any time soon! I just happen to be a big health and science nerd!), and I find them fascinating! Then again, maybe I’m just weird! ;)

Crystal on

Did anyone else hear Ellen say BOY!!!! Super excited for her and Dax!!!!!

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