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Josh Lucas: Sleep Training Was ‘Incredibly Difficult’

12/04/2012 at 05:00 PM ET

Josh Lucas: Sleep Training Was 'Incredibly Difficult'
Paul Zimmerman/WireImage

No amount of tears, tantrums or extreme tiredness can deter new dad Josh Lucas from reveling in his most important role.

“Everyone says it’s the greatest adventure you’ll ever have and I’m amazed at how much I’m loving it,” the actor told PEOPLE during MoMA‘s benefit honoring Quentin Tarantino on Monday in New York City.

Recently, Lucas and his wife Jessica Henriquez set out to sleep train 5-month-old Noah Rev — and not even a week of wailing could affect his mood.

“It was incredibly difficult. The child is enraged and hates you,” the first-time father admits. “And yet you’re totally sleep-deprived and amazed by the experience — even when he’s screaming — of what you’re going through.”

Calling fatherhood a “beautiful thing,” Lucas has been busy bonding with his baby boy, including taking his son to see Wreck-It Ralph, Noah’s first movie theater experience.

“I took him to a Tiny Tots screening, which is where you’re allowed to bring your baby,” Lucas, 41, shares.

“He sat there with his mouth wide open. He literally watched 15 minutes with his mouth agape and then passed out like he’d been shot.”

– Anya Leon with reporting by Michelle Ward

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Showing 138 comments

hopper on

that sounds cold.

TV on

There’s nothing right about allowing a 5 month old to cry it out in order for him to sleep on his own. Babies cry because it’s their way of communicating that they need something. Ignoring a baby’s cry that young can be dangerous especially if there is something wrong going on. Unfortunately, a family member of mine learned the hard way about the importance of paying attention to a crying baby. Last year we had to bury her son who passed away from a stroke.

Kristen on

Five months old sounds a little young to teach your child that you won’t come when they need you. I’ll never understand the idea of allowing them to cry it out and no…I’m not some attachment parent who never allowed her kid to be independent at all. But five months old? I get allowing them to put themselves to sleep, giving them a chance to go back to sleep, but crying it out? Way to parent!

Amy on

Gee, let’s all be judgmental about something we are not involved in nor have a right to comment on. Everyone is different in their approach> maybe his CIO was 5 minutes or less. How do you know? Let him parent his child the way he and his wife see fit. Their child, not yours.

Rachel on

Just wanted to say thanks to TV above for their comment. My mother bugs me constantly to let my son cry, I have twins one sleeps like a rock, the other doesn’t, and I always say no. I struggled with this and tried before but it’s not for me. Reading your family members baby having a stroke makes me believe I’m right. That’s a tragedy and I am going to hold firm in my not letting them cry. Thank you and I am so sorry for your loss.

Rachel on

TV – Every child is different. My little one would wail harder if he was tired and you tried to hold, cuddle or rock him and he would keep it up for an hour until he cried himself to sleep IN OUR ARMS. Finally we just put him down where he’d cry for a couple minutes and be out like a light. Babies crying does tell you their needs and sometimes it just tells you that they’re overly tired and annyoyed and want to be left alone. I don’t know anything about Josh and his wife or their babies temperment, but saying “there’s nothing right about…” sounds like you’re the expert parent. No one is. And no one said they ignored his cry either. I feel sorry for your poor friend, I’m sure it’s difficult enough and she probably blames herself, it’s sad that she has a friend who’s going around the internet blaming her too.

Kelly Worsfold on

Great comments above. I have 3 boys and never allowed any to cry themselves asleep. There’s nothing worse than hearing a vulnerable baby cry. And who does it serve in the end?

mya on

Sleep training is awful.. especially for a baby that young who still needs to wake up several times a night to feed.

Wow this article turns my stomach.

CIO kills brain cells people and promotes issues with trust.

mysteriesofmotherhood on

My son was the SAME way Rachel! He would scream and kick harder if someone tried to rock him to sleep after 2 months old. I felt like I was torturing him trying to hold him and rock him to bed but put him in his bed he’d cry maybe 30 minutes (I’d go in every 10 minutes to check on him) and he’d be out!

Laura on

As a mom of 3, I really DO feel for exhausted new parents…really. But CIO is so damaging to the baby’s brain development and establishment of secure attachement with their parents. This article makes me sad. Co-sleeping reduced night-wakings and fussiness for our kids and co-sleeping actually PROMOTES attachment… when done safely, it’s a great way for everyone to get more shut-eye without having to resort to damaging CIO methods.

Anonymous on

I don’t support CIO either. There are other, much more humane ways to teach a baby how to sleep! Plus, as others have said, you never know when the baby is crying because s/he actually needs you rather than just because s/he can’t fall asleep on his/her own!

Elara on

The point is, every child is different, and so how parents choose to handle them has to be different and work for the child. When you are the parent, you choose what is best, and you don’t need anyone’s approval. Especially bitchy strangers.

Marky on

TV, if the baby had a stroke, it was because there was an aneurysm, and the stroke would have happened no matter what. Josh Lucas is exaggerating what happens in “sleep-training”; the baby isn’t allowed to scream or cry for hours, etc, they are allowed to cry for a short period and learn to self-soothe, then are comforted by the parent who never leaves the room. Don’t live in fear of allowing a child to cry, anymore than you should live in fear of letting them sleep lest they die from SIDS.

Mila on

I think CIO is for lazy parents. I understand exhaustion: I have 3 kids under 4 years old. What I don’t understand is this sense of disconnect and unresponsiveness to one’s own child. They are only screaming babies for a period of time. They are not adults you should “train.”

Janae on

Ridiculous article. Of course as a parent of a 5 month old is tired. The BABY is 5 months old. There are a multitude of reasons that an infant should not be forced to sleep through the night if they are not ready. For the baby this is a monumental mental development period, compounded by physical changes (gains in physical strength and mobility, not to mention teething pains), along with the baby’s need for frequent nourishment. Not to mention the baby’s desire for physical closeness to his/her parents and an intense desire to suckle.

At least when I look back to my children’s life I will never be able to say I neglected my children’s needs in order to get some sleep. I swear. You have YOUR ENTIRE LIFE to sleep. You really can’t sacrifice a few months for your brand new bundle? Please.

Coco on

I’m sure glad everyone in this forum is an expert parent with a perfect child. Here’s the deal, co-sleepers with kids who will still be sucking their thumbs in elementary school: if pediatricians recommend CIO, if a parent properly does it, a child can quickly learn to soothe themselves and fall asleep on his own.

This isn’t child abuse, people: it’s parenting. It’s teaching your child a life skill. If you want to co sleep and breast feed your kid until he is old enough to made fun of by other kids, perhaps you’re doing just as much damage – if not more – than your CIO counterparts. But guess what, that is your prerogative. Please stop judging and go parent your own child.

kaitlyn on

Geez, i just can’t believe he took a 5-month-old to the movies!!

Joy on

The french get their kids to sleep on schedule by 3 months. I’m hoping to do the same. Kids cry for a variety of reasons and we must pay attention to them, but if we jumping to their side at every whimper without making sure that its that they actually needs something and not that they just don’t want to sleep then we get the spoiled generation we have today.

stella on

I’m speechless. taking a 5 month old to the movies??!?! letting him acutally WATCH?!?!! and SLEEP TRAINING a tiny baby??? mine is 5 months old, too, we never sleeptrained his brother nor will we ever do something like that to him. CIO is damaging. a baby is frightened and has no sense of time. but one of abandonment. how can a loving parent do this to their child?

what a cold man! and obviously even proud of his ways. I am disgusted. does he really think he does his son a favor by doing so? leaving him alone and resignated that nobody comes to his aid? poor baby.

my first son slept through the night at 8 weeks. he just did. but he slept by our side and we never trained him or anything. our second son doesn’t sleep through but we don’t mind. he’s awake once, so what? he’s a tiny baby who needs us.

Alissa on

so let me get this straight…attachment parenting is wrong and CIO method is wrong and bottle feeding is wrong and breast feeding after a child can talk is wrong and home births are wrong and Cesareans are wrong, SAHMs are wrong, working moms are wrong, etc.

I am really glad the youngest of my 3 is almost 10 years old…apparently parenting has gotten really competitive and judgmental since I had babies. Bottom line: whatever works for the parent(s) AND the child IS always the RIGHT THING TO DO- yes!!! I’m YELLING!

meghan on

Maybe his cancer-stricken wife needs her rest. Walk a mile in those shoes.

Elizabeth on

Stella, does your area not have Tiny Tots screenings? My moms group goes every month. It’s a great way to see the newest movies without worrying about your baby crying or having to get a babysitter.

Willow on

That is so sad. Nobody should let their baby CIO.

Wowjustwow on

Sure every kid is different but NO 5 month old is ready for CIO. I feel so sad for that poor baby. I had a TERRIBLE sleeper, worked full time and kept up a household. Somehow I managed to not let my daughter scream and feel alone and abandoned. I’m not totally CIO for some…just not at only 5 months. .

jennymama on

I sleep trained all three of my children and it was a wonderful experience. My babies and I were sleeping through the night by the 3 month mark-my first son slept through the night at just 5 weeks. It is about teaching them – sleep is a skill learned just as healthy eating, exercise, reading, etc. is something we need to TEACH our kids. By keeping my babies on a strict schedule they were full, rested and happy. Don’t knock it if you haven’t given it a try. Judgement doesn’t get you anywhere.

klutzy_girl on

Excellent point, Meghan.

And to whomever said “OMG who takes a baby to a movie” – did you READ? It says it was specifically for children.

My goodness stop being so judgmental you nasty people.

Julie on

haha oh babies

Grace2 on

I sleep trained all my babies at about 4 1/2 months. You cannot say with a straight face that two night of crying (one night 20, the next night five) damaged them in any way. They have been excellent sleepers ever since. We have no drama at bedtime because they know it’s time. They are 3,5 and 7 now. I listen to my friends try and deal with sleep issues when their kids are 2 and 3 and 4, etc, and I am reminded how thankful I am that I instilled great sleep habits from the beginning.

And healthy, non under weight five month olds do not need to eat two or three times a night.

We all have to find our own path as parents. What works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. So, let’s just all agree that we are all doing the best we can and make the best decisions for our kids.

kaitlyn on

Yes, I understand the screening was specifically for children but why would you want your 5-MONTH-OLD staring at a screen? It can’t possibly be good for them.

BlueSkidoo on

Even sleep training experts such as Dr Ferber are very clear that you do not train a baby under six months. I have nothing against people who choose sleep training (I was not one of them, but parenting styles differ and that’s not only okay, but a good thing), but it’s for babies six months and older. If his baby’s five months now, they did it against all professional recommendations.

BlueSkidoo on

Out of curiosity (serious curiosity, not snarking), how many people who are asking for respect for the sleep training choices also ask for respect for ALL methods, including crying it out, co-sleeping, rocking a child to sleep for months, etc? I’ve been unfortunate enough to encounter far too many people who say “You must respect my way!” and then spout of judgment about anything different.

Tiffany on

OK seriously, how many of you have kids?

Now that that number has been diminished greatly, there is nothing wrong with letting a baby cry it out. If you have just fed them and changed their diaper then they don’t need anything. Our Ped says it is perfectly healthy and guess what. My children survived!

A on

Not all babies at 5 months need feedinds at night. I was lucky and MIT son starting sleeping thru the night at 6 weeks. He just ate more during the day. I can’t stand all of the generalizations or assumptions! All babies are different.

Anonymous on

For all of those who are judging and shaking your heads…let him raise his children his way…and go focus on how you raise YOUR children. It takes a village…instead of venom…why not offer support instead of YOUR way is the only way.

lynn on

Perhaps I’m stupid but as the mother of three, I didn’t realize you could “sleep train” babies.

First of all, at that age most of them wake up during the night hungry and in need of a bottle. So, I’m guessing they let him “cry out” his feeding time.

Secondly, at that age there could be an issue other than feeding. They don’t have words to express what is wrong with them. My daughter had terrible issues w/ acid reflux and had terrible colic symptoms from this until she was 6 months old. Imagine the suffering she would have gone through if I’d taken that approach w/ her instead of doing what doctor’s told me to do.

It amazes me at how much people who’ve never had kids seem to know about it. We’re all sleep deprived when they are babies. Get over it!!! You will stay sleep deprived from now on worrying about them when they go out w/ friends, on a date, move away from home, etc. It is called parenting.

I’m also a little unclear on why you would take a 5 month old to a movie. I would honestly hope that the volume would be very scaled down since it is incredibly loud for adults, I would hope that for a baby’s hearing it wouldn’t be that loud. I also don’t know what is to be gained by taking a baby to a movie. Once again, they can’t fully understand it and secondly if it is going to make him fall asleep, then he will be awake later and just have to “cry it out” because you decided to do something stupid!!!

A on

Why is your way right? Co-sleeping isn’t for everyone.

blessedwithboys on

Gross. I’ll be avoiding his movies from now on…shouldn’t be too hard, he’s hardly an A-lister!

AC on

There are conflicting opinions among experts about whether CIO is really damaging, and how much it would take to damage them, etc. ALL EXPERTS agree that sleep deprivation is damaging. Do not judge until you have been in that parent’s shoes. My son was also one who from 2 months on, would struggle in my arms when I tried to bounce and rock him to sleep. I tried everything, and he would take hours to fall asleep and then be awake again in 30-60 min. He was so sleep deprived. CIO made him a happy baby again – sure there was some crying at nap time and bed time, but within a day it very clearly turned to protest crying, and not distressed crying, and gradually reduced in time. Now he just babbles and cruises around his crib to wind down, then starts rolling, and eventually passes out. He needs that total lack of social stimulation to sleep well. I do not regret doing CIO with him for a second, and we had to do it at 3 months.

wishfit on

No studies that I know of say any harm comes of letting a baby cry it out, especially by 5 months of age. Numerous studies show that t.v. and movies are detrimental to kids younger than 2-years-old. We’ve got it backwards in this country, teaching kids to expect their every need, discomfort, whim to be catered to (yes, this starts as early as 5 months), and letting them rot their brains and as they turn into sedentary, entitled adults. And yes, I am a parent to two happy, healthy, well-adjusted young kids who never had any trouble learning to go to bed on their own.

An Ame on

Co-sleeping is extremely dangerous with infants. No parent thinks it will happen to them and it does. Every year, it happens again and again. Such an easy death to prevent!

It’s not against the law, but it’s an extreme risk.

sa on

All of you who are saying that cry-it-out is emotionally harmful and “kills brain cells,” could you cite your peer-reviewed studies on the subject? As far I know, there has not been a peer-reviewed scientific study showing that crying it out is harmful to healthy babies. Parents have been doing cry-it-out for generations, usually with no long-term damage. Of course, you need to be sensitive and alert to your baby’s cues and make sure he or she is ready and healthy enough for this. For some babies it works; for others, it will not. But all this trendy attachment-parenting stuff should be viewed with a healthy dose of skepticism. Babies should NOT be raised by a philosophy, but by parents, and it is not our place to judge how others raise their children.

Mindy on

Too young for crying it out. Sleep training an infant is unkind and not recommended. Of course the baby hates you, you are breaking his trust. How sad to treat a 5 month old so harshly.

Kelley on

@kaitlyn- my thoughts exactly!

Anonymous on

Wow, many of you are so self-righteous and judgmental. It must be truly exhausting being perfect parents.

Lily on

Seriously, you guys?? I can NOT believe all the critism on here for CIO!! I took a sleep seminar from a woman who has done research all over the world, & has won multiple awards for her work & her training…guess what…it’s CIO. And it works. The research that she has done shows that a normal (ie not premie, or with medical problems) who is within the normal weight, at around 4 months does NOT need to eat during the night & in fact is better for their digestion if they DON’T!! We used her methods, it took all of THREE nights….how on earth could this possibly be damaging to a child? My girls are the best sleepers & LOVE their sleep. I did what was best for my family & my children. You do what is best for your family, but don’t criticize other people because their choices are different then yours. And please don’t complain about not getting a good nights sleep in years because you won’t CIO. I hope that you don’t get into a car accident & harm your children due to your sleep deprivation….it’s a very real possibility :(

Jessie on

If you let your 2 month old cry alone for 30 minutes you should have CPS called on you. That is sick and torturous. Even the biggest proponents of CIO and extinction method sleep training stress NOT BEFORE 6 MONTHS. 2 month babies often have colic or reflux especially at night. That doesn’t mean you stop parenting them because it’s easier for you.

Jessie on

She didn’t say it was. She said it as a good way to get sleep without ignoring your child’s needs.

really on

like he’d been shot? really??? does anyone remember colorado?

El on

I was never one who agreed with the CIO method my husband pushed me to try it with our daughter , who would fall asleep great on her boppy pillow after her last bottle , but the minute u put her in the crib she would wake up and start screaming . It was hard at first but by the 3rd day there was no protest and she went to bed easily . I can say there is nothing wrong w my daughter she isn’t emotionally disturbed ! As parents we have to try different things . Not every baby is the same and not all the same things will work !

Nell on

I have never heard of sleep training a 5-month old and I have 4 kids! A baby that young cries because it needs something, not because it’s spoiled or doesn’t want to sleep without you. That first year of life is so incredibly important. The baby needs to feel safe and secure…having the baby cry, even for a minute, is not allowing them that safe and secure environment. I understand how important it is for everyone to get sleep, but this has to be selfish on the parents’ part because they are sleep-deprived. That’s part of having kids. My oldest is 10 and I still wander through the bedrooms at night (after they fall asleep) to check on them.

Elspeth on

Thank you meghan!! The woman has cancer, people. At least they aren’t having a nanny raise their child. Children have been crying it out for generations. It’s not a big deal.

MimiB on

I sleep trained my wee grandson [5 months old] to sleep 6 hours through, in 3 days, while Mom and Dad had a short, badly needed holiday. They told me they mostly slept the entire time. When they got home, they wept tears of gratitude.

My grandson was ready to sleep longer… he just needed someone strong enough to withstand his tears for a few hours. I was the one, having done this with my kids and other grandchildren. There’s nothing cruel in doing this. Kids “train” their parents to fulfill their every immediate whim… but by 5 months, they don’t need to be fed every 3 or 4 hours as long as they’re healthy.

Anonymous on

LOL. That wasn’t cold. That was a first time father’s observation. Hysterical. Good luck and God Bless!

AC on

@Nell – Sometimes babies that young cry because they NEED SLEEP. Some babies are too stimulated by rocking once they start to become aware of their surroundings. It is NOT selfish to help your child get the sleep they need. My son cried just as much before we did CIO as during – he was a different baby once he started getting enough sleep – so happy. Sleep deprivation IS damaging, and THAT has been well-proven by science over and over, unlike the iffy studies that say CIO is damaging.

Lisa on

I’m not a parent, and boy am I glad, after reading all these judgmental posts. Get over yourselves!!!

A on

They have movie events specifically for parents to bring kids – the lights are turned up and the volume turned down. It’s a way for parents to get out but not leave their child.

A on

You clearly haven’t read anything about sleep training. It’s all about responding to your child’s cues. My son has been so much happier since we were able to learn his sleepy clues and create a nap and night time routine. It is not ignoring their needs, but learning to read your baby, and do what’s best for them – not what’s best for the parent.

A on

AMEN!!!!! I couldn’t agree with you more. All this stuff has created such self centered, egotistical cry babies!

notyourbarbie on

So sweet!

pina on

Just because your pediatrician says to do something doesn’t make it right. Sorry….but my pediatrician was very encouraging of nursing and of having the baby eventually sleep longer and longer period on their own. It took my first born ten weeks and my second child two weeks (I got lucky). I would never have let them cry it out and they won’t be thumb sucking super attached freaks either. And to someone else’s comment on sleep, I agree! You won’t sleep for a bit, but you have all the time in the world later.

K on

Totally agree with you. This is lazy parenting in the name of “independence” at its finest. And yes, I have children. Whom I respect and respond to.

sue on

What is sleep training?I don’t remember this fro 43 years ago .What is next.potty training at 6 months?

K on

Get informed Josh Lucas. Sleep training has many many negative side effects, particularly at 5 months. Disgusting.

Kim on

What Elara said. It’s their child..let them raise it as THEY see fit and you do the same with YOURS.

georgiaonmymind on

Glad y’all are experts on HIS kid! Sheesh people I have four children who are ages 19,15,12 and 10 and they all had to go through some sort of crying it out to get to where they would sleep. They are healthy and happy and sleep in their own beds. He is learning to do what is best for his child.Cut him some slack!

Kris on

I used to like this guy but he is another Hollywood liberal and he has made alot of lousy movies, except Red Dog, Life As We Know It and the Lincoln Lawyer. I’m glad he’s enjoying father hood but damn. He is a douchebag.

Lisa on

Way too young to do that!

Sandra on

I’m disgusted that crying it out was used on a 5 month old baby. You are parents now, your needs should be coming second to an infant. You have a child, you are tired. Stop being selfish.

Amy on

A 5 month old baby to the movies? How dumb

Celine on

For the 1st 4 months my baby would cry for an hour before naps and bed. I tried feeding to sleep, cuddling to sleep, co-sleeping and many other gentle ways. None of it helped. I even hired a sleep consultant to help me with very gentle techniques to help him to self settle. I never thought I would try the feber method but I was desperate.

He cried on and off for 7 minutes. I went in twice and he didn’t cry for longer than 2 minutes at a time. After 7 minutes he stopped and then ‘talked’ to himself and went to sleep. Since tgen he goes into his cot with a huge smile on his face and talks himself to sleep. He is such a smiley happy baby. In fact the other day for the first time since he was 4 weeks old he fell asleep on me while I was talking to a friend. I was amazed! For future children I wouldn’t use this method first up but wouldn’t hesitate to use it if nothing else worked.

It would be nice if we could all just stop judging people. I guess it’s easier to do when we can stay anonymous online.

Liz on

Sleep training doesn’t mean you let your baby cry for hours! Peditricians recommend 5 minute increments and going back in to soothe the baby, give back the pacifier and reswaddle, etc. Our oldest hated his crib at first and just wanted to be held-if we didn’t sleep train for three weeks we might still be holding him all night at age two! In this article he certainly didn’t say he was letting his child cry for hours on end!

Kris on

I don’t think this guy has made a watchable movie since Life As We Know It and his parenting skills aren’t to be desired either. Crying itself out.. I have never done with my kids and taking a baby to a movie screening. Seriously. One thing that breaks my heart is a baby or child’s cry and I always think there is something wrong when they cry, no matter how experienced you are as a parent. I think Josh is an Obama supporter so this pretty much explains everything.

Celine on

It’s funny you mention about sleep deprevation and car accidents. I was falling asleep at the wheel when I decided to do the feber method. I could have killed us or someone else. I wasn’t getting more than an hour’s sleep in a row and had tried everything else. It’s not just about wanting to be able to sleep again but because I was not functioning and was dangerous on the road.

Deborah on

Cry it out is old school and can cause a child to develop a hernia when they are adults…it happened to someone I know. Also my neighbor lets her baby cry it out….I timed it….73 min! that was so horrible and for the neighbors who couldn’t sleep. I feel for that baby.

MrsGolightly on

Thank you for this! I am so tired of these perfect parents.

I used CIO and it is painfully obvious at playgroups which kids are co-sleepers, which kids are given constant “love”, which kids are “gifted”. Ugh, these kids are completely incapable of playing independently, resolve conflicts and make independent decisions.

MrsGolightly on

Not just the French, Europeans in general. Our kids also don’t eat snacks and Gold Fish crackers every chance they get.

MrsGolightly on

Yes!!!

I saw a significant change in my babies once they slept through the night. They were much more calm and happy throughout their mornings/early afternoons.

Nat on

Good for you Josh on the sleep training (though I think the baby is a little young for a movie theatre movie imo.) I sleep-trained my 2nd child when she was 4 months old and it was the best thing we ever did for all of us. After one week she slept from 7-7. As a 1st grader she still has great sleep habits and is a happy, smart child. Our amazing pediatrician gave us advice that we followed.

Lesley on

If you’ve read the entire Ferber book, you would know that he actually recommends sleep training a baby between 4 – 6 months.

Anonymous on

To each their own people! Some of you say to stop being judgemental but you yourself are being just that. I may not agree with a way someone parents but I do know that other parenting methods work because hello!, kids grow up and in general they do just fine. I think as long as you parent in a loving way to your child, no matter the method, your child will not feel abandoned. Good Luck parents! You don’t have to agree with someone’s method but you should be respectful!

Anonymous on

It is their child, not mine….but when the child becomes insecure, detached, and rebellious later in life, we’ll know why. Awful

Midwest Mama on

Wow. The effects of sleep training may be up for debate but what IS clear is that the children of most of the people who’ve commented would surely benefit if their parents developed a sense of humor and a bit of humility (not to mention proper grammar). Everyone repeat after me: “We all make the decisions that are right for US and OUR families. These choices are not , nor should they be, always the same. The End.”

Babymama on

Right On Tourist!! Nothing else need be said!!

melissa on

I think bashing a parent because they parent different than you is disgusting! Something you would do that someone else doesn’t does not make one more right than the other. I don’t know much about sleep training but this article did not list specifics yet some of you are making accusations. If this works for them then who are we to judge? I bet everyone could find something they didn’t agree with about others parenting techniques. Worry about your own kids and stop being so critical of others.

Anonymous on

People need to quit being so negative bottom line babies cry, some of you are just wanting to be mean!

LynnD14 on

Wow, I have never read so many self-righteous and judgmental comments before. CIO does not include letting the child cry for hours on end. If you read Dr. Ferber’s book, he is very clear on that. I did it with both of my sons and they are just fine (and very attached to me). Everyone parents differently – and unless you’re perfect, don’t be so quick to judge.

Sunny on

Sleep train a baby- cruelty maybe.

Anonymous on

You do NOT need to ‘sleep train’ a 5 month old…..at ALL. EVERYONE learns to sleep in their own time, all you do when you let them ‘cry it out’ at this young of an age is show your child (who doesn’t know you are in the next room) that no one will respond to their calls for help, that they are ALL alone.

Also, screens are bad for children under 2….he should not have taken his infant to a movie.

June Park on

Sleep training is dangerous and neglectful. “Just because your baby is physically capable of going without food for longer periods at four months doesn’t mean that they are physically ready or emotionally capable to sleep through the night. Several doctors and anthropologists agree that many young humans are not designed to sleep through the night until the age of three or four. Even if it is your doctor telling you that your child is ready to sleep through the night keep in mind two things. (1) Your doctor sees your child for twenty minutes every one to two months while you see him/her every day and (2) doctors often only see night waking from a nutritional point of view. Your child will no longer be at risk for going into a low blood sugar coma if he/she sleeps 12 hours a night. That is hardly the same thing as your child being completely ready. Think of it this way, as an adult, you are physically capable of running a marathon, but without being physically, emotionally, and nutritionally ready, you might not be so great at it. Even with someone there to train you step by step, if you are not mentally and emotionally ready for that marathon, it will be a hundred times harder.

Another thing to think about is how much contact you have with your baby during the day. Breastfeeding hormones and milk levels are regulated by how much physical contact you have with your baby. His or her night waking and co-sleeping which is murder on your energy level at work, might be a key factor in how capable you will be at maintaining a good milk supply.” http://www.theconnectedmom.com/2011/03/four-lies-sleep-trainers-tell-you-and.html

Catherine/St. Paul on

wow…child enraged and hates you will continue for the rest of the years with that said child. Heard of baby wearing? Lose your selfishness…

Jessica on

So my 5 year old still co-sleeps with me….I love it….he’s going to grow up so fast and I just wanna enjoy his cuddles while I can. One day he won’t even want me to hold him. :(

Donna Oakley on

The problem they had is because they needed to consult with a nanny like myself first. You are to start sleep training from day one from the hospital. Even breast-fed babies can be sleep-trained as I have done this myself. It’s even more important if you have twins, triplets or more! You won’t hear long cries, etc. The baby won’t even remember this later in life, so don’t worry about it. Be there in their lives as much as possible and raise them to be responsible adults and you’ll do fine.

Donna Oakley on

People!!!! If a baby wakes up after sleeping a few hours, of course you feed it, burp it and if necessary, change the diapers. You just do it all without saying a word, in a darkened baby room and put them back to bed.
Sleep training does not mean you ignore the hungry cry! You just take care of the baby’s needs in a darkened room, with no stimulation from you. They know you’re there but you want them to be induced back to sleep. Babies come in and out of sleep cycles all night and hunger is one time that will definitely wake a baby. You take care of his/her needs and put them back to bed, even if they are still somewhat awake. My agency trained me on sleep-training and I’ve been able to consult with parents on how to do it themselves or I do it for them. Read all the books out there on sleep-training babies and mom and dad will get there life back! Nannie Oakley

Lisa on

Before you judge, try having a child that will not sleep. We had to train our son at 6 months because he woke up EVERY HOUR, sometimes sooner. And it doesn’t mean that we got an hour of sleep in between – it amounts to about 15 minutes. It is impossible to live that way. Sleep training can be done systematically (do your research before slamming people who do it) and tailored to your own situation and how your baby responds, without “damaging” the child. Yes, it is difficult for the child and the parents but well worth it if your child does not sleep. My son is fine – he was always taken care of (fed and changed when he needed it), sleeps great now, does not remember any of the training, and I’m positive he knows that his parents love him more than anything. I’m guessing that a lot of the negative comments are from people who don’t have kids or have/had babies that slept through the night without any problems.

Sunny on

I have 5 kids and never let one of them cry it out, or tried to sleep train them like a puppy esp at 5 months! 3 out of 5 are now successful, loved, well adjusted adults…the other 2 are early teenagers who are great kids. The first year goes by so fast, and they need to be loved and feel secure. You don’t sleep anyway when you let them cry it out, and think of the message you are sending them. This “self soothe” thing is utter BS…babies are too young to get the psyche of self soothe…they will just know their needs are not being met that young. Pick your baby up, find out what they need, and love the hell out of them while you can b/c it goes by SO fast!

sdw818 on

I just think its weird to take a 5 month old to a movie!!!!!

twirlyfry on

Word.

twirlyfry on

I hope you don’t have kids.

Sunshine on

Babies can’t walk, talk or wipe their own butt. Why to people think they can put themselves to sleep?

Beth on

Not a fan of Sleep training but to each his own. We were able to put up with the night time wake ups, and since I was working FT (another thing some moms with attack) I needed the night time nursing sessions to keep my milk up. We didn’t sleep train and our son started sleeping through the night around one year.

twirlyfry on

So? If I had cancer I still wouldn’t let my innocent baby cry it out. That sucks she has cancer, but no excuse for daddy to be sleep training. A nanny actually sounds like a good idea in this situation.

twirlyfry on

I want more for my children than just survival. And if those are the only things you think a baby needs then I feel sorry for your children.

twirlyfry on

Lol, you’d be one disowned grandma if that were my baby.

Stephanie on

To each their own. I was very lucky with my 2 boys. My first son slept through the night at 4 weeks. He just did so on his own. My second son slept through the night at about 8 weeks. Again, did not “train” him. Each child is different. I have been lucky and they have always been good sleepers and they go to bed when told and always have. Never had any problems. Let’s not judge others. Like I said, to each his own.

Reba on

Rock your child to sleep every night because before you know it that time will be gone and they won’t want you to anymore and then you’ll be missing those days.

Sass027 on

I agree Lynn, I’ve never heard of “sleep training.” Babies are not dogs you can train. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night knowing I let my poor baby CIO. Babies will sleep through the night eventually, so just deal with it. When your baby is older and they can tell you what’s wrong (i.e. “mommy I want to watch tv”), THEN let them CIO!

Sunny on

poor baby

Tara on

Holy I am astonished at how judgemental all of you are. CIO method is not everyone’s choice but it does not make those that choose to do it a “bad” or “lazy” parent. Am I lazy because I wanted us both to sleep well? No, everyone needs sleep and my child is no differnent. We tried everything to get our 9 month old to sleep. Co-sleeping increased his nightly waking and feedings to the point that we were both zombies the next day. Tried all the no cry sleep solutions and NOTHING worked with B. It came down to (after a night of being up every hour) that I had enough. One morning of CIO solved our problem. We now sleep through.

As for the needing the night feedings, you have to be the judge of when your child does and doesn’t not need them. I could tell when B was eating or comfort nursing (which by the end was every time he woke) and cut out feedings accordingly. He still wakes for a 5 am feed and I haven’t cut that out because he legitimately eats. Everyone’s child is different and you need to do what’s best for you and your family. If sleep training is not for you, then that’s your choice but save the judgment when hearing what someone else is doing with their child

I personally don’t believe that CIO damages brain cells either. Exactly how would you prove that. It’s a bunch of BS IMO

Laura on

I wish that people would not state their experience or opinion as fact. If you want fact (or the closest thing to it) you need to rely on the research (and high quality empirical research)…

The latest research on sleep-training 4-6 month old infants showed no long term negative effects in the children. The only negative result that emerged was parents’ increased stress hormones (which was temporary during the 2-7 nights of the training).

There is a METHOD to effective sleep-training which does not just mean let them cry and ignore them.

My EXPERIENCE with 3 children each around 5 months (not fact) was similar to GRACE2…3 nights max with crying on the second or third night only a few minutes. Child sleep experts such as Jodi Mindell, Ph.D. advise that babies can begin to learn to self-soothe around 4 months old so sleep training should not be done before this.

Anonymous on

This is awful!!!

Dawn on

Amen. I have children that I love with all my heart who’ve cried themselves to sleep bc they need it more than I do. They get used to getting up and are sleep deprived. People are so opinionated and know everything about kids…until they have them. Leave this man alone. His kids will be fine.

Guest on

You know there are many ways to parent and many experts believe in sleep training from the beginning. Instead of being judgmental about this article, how about wishing Josh and his wife well. She postponed treatment for cervical cancer to have this baby and they need all the love and warm thoughts they can handle. Be kind for a change instead of critical!

Anonymous on

I sleep trained my baby around 3 months old. But it didn’t involve CIO. It was more about trying to stretch out the time between night feedings and wean her off of them one by one. At that age they don’t actually physiologically need a night time feeding and are capable of going all night without one. I even talked to my pediatrician before trying and she had no objections. My daughter caught on very quickly and was sleeping 10-12 hours in no time, without a bunch of crying or distress. She’s a very happy baby and I’m a happy (and rested) momma. It works for us and its crazy to see so many of you tossing out judgements when you are not exactly experts in the field and are not in their shoes!!

EH on

I have two girls and did CIO with my oldest at 4 1/2 months because we could not get her to go to sleep and stay asleep otherwise. She wouldn’t co-sleep (I tried). She would only sleep while practically mummified in a swaddling blanket and attached to my breast while I sat in a rocking chair, which obviously could not work for me. I have a full time job that I had to return to at 12 weeks. Needless to say, it took about one week and she began sleeping beautifully. No further issues. My youngest was the exact opposite. She far preferred co-sleeping, hated being swaddled and I let her sleep cuddled up with me for the first year until she demonstrated signs that she was ready to sleep on her own. She never once cried it out. So basically I took opposite approaches with both because that is what worked for them and they are both healthy and happy. On a side-note though, my oldest (the one who had CIO) is the better sleeper of the two.

Taraakapinky on

I don’t have kids but I have siblings who are much younger and I know a decent bit about Dr Ferber and co-sleeping. It’s amazing how parents are reacting about how horrible it is while saying “I’ve never heard of sleep training.” If you’ve never heard of if, maybe you shouldn’t talk shit about it. I know I don’t without trying to legitimately understand both sides of an issue. I also have heard many horror stories of parents rolling on their child in their sleep, killing the baby. You won’t think it happens to you until it does. Bottom line, can’t everyone understand that people have different ways of doing things and if the baby is loved and cared for, that should be all that matters??

Susan on

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends NO SCREEN TIME before age 2 years.

aubreyek on

I’m going to ignore the CIO. I think many previous posters have already covered my feelings on it.

Not understanding the purpose of a tiny tots screening. I never worry about taking my baby to the movies. They start fussing. Nurse them. Problem solved. They sleep half the time anyway.

Annie on

My sister in law started letting my niece CIO at 4 weeks. I did not parent that way and I never will. Now my niece has a multitude of health problems and often cries and screams when mom picks her up. Whether its connected or not, who knows but babies do cry for a reason.

Nell on

I had all of my children sleeping at least 6 hrs a night by the time they were 2 mos old…and I didn’t let any of them cry it out. What the infant needs a consistent nightime routine. We do a bath, massage, milk, & hugs/kisses. I lost an infant several years ago & the thought of any of my children crying it out hurts my heart. My children are happy, healthy, unspoiled, & independent & I have never let them cry for anything. They are responsible, respectful, & know that Mom & Dad will do anything for them.

monica on

Hmm. Sounds like many of you know it all. Yup. Probably the same people who would let their kid have a tantrum in a store or run and scream in a restaurant. Kids need all kinds of training… your a parent not a friend. Its called disciplin. Even a 5 month old needs it.

Betty on

You are a horrible Person,twirlfry!I fiel for your future kids

healthcare professional on

I am a professional in the field of Maternal Child Health. Five months is onsidered too young for any type of “training.” The brain development of an infant does not even register cause and effect until at least 6 months of age. Please do NOT use celebrity behavior as a standard of care!

cmonppl on

Humans just naturally wake up several times during the night. However, we, as adults just automatically roll over and go back to sleep (most of the time without even thinking of it).

However, babies do not know that they should be sleeping at night. They wake up and of course they are lonely and want their mothers. BUT if you go in there, then they have you. And now they NEED YOU to help them go back to sleep. So now you will never sleep again either.

They have to LEARN how to sleep on their own (unless you want to get up all night and have a 10 year old still in bed with you).

Anonymous on

Sounds like the lil guy just needs to be fliped over. you know babies are upside down in the womb and sometimes when they come out they aren’t fully rotated. my doc just basically flips the baby over with the assistance of the mama and w’holla” babies sleep thru the night. Its a weird old wives tales but I’ve witnessed it several times. Esp with twins, one slept and one didn’t give the baby a lil flip and they both slept soundly… No mean, nasty, judgmental comments needed. Its just a simple suggestion..

Mandy on

Why is everyone so judgemental over a child that is not your own. He is not abusing him. My mom let me cry it out when I was a baby & I was fine. My daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was about 3 weeks old. Sometimes she did wake up & if she did I nursed her, changed her, & put her back in her own bed. She sometimes fussed a little but would go back to sleep after about 5 to 10 minutes. She is almost 7 months old now. Most of the time she will take her last bottle of the night & go right to sleep but sometimes she fights it hard. I don’t let her cry it out as it just keeps her awake for longer, but I will never tell someone else how to parent.

WiddoMouse on

Sounds like Tiny Tots screenings put the little man to sleep. Problem solved.

JackieJ on

Okay I don’t comment to much on these celebrity comments, however after reading all these comments, I have to say EVERYBODY has their own way of doing things.

I had two children and now two grandchildren, I tried the sleep training with my son, let me say it’s not for me. It might be okay with someone else and I respect that.

My grandchildren are 3 and 5 and their parents didn’t do that either. My grandson gave them alot of sleep deprived nights but at 3 he started sleeping like a rock. My grandaughter does get up sometimes during the night(she’s 3) and thats fine too.

ITS CALLED BEING A PARENT! I would not let my babies or grandbabies “cry themselves to sleep”. THAT’S MY CHOICE.

I love Josh Lucas and I am very excited for him and his wife. They have a long ways to go..LOL

Lena on

He never said how they were letting their son CIO and by 5-6mos they’re old enough to sleep train.

We sleep trained our oldest at 6mos and our youngest at around the same age, give or take a few weeks. We did the CIO method by going in every 5min(sets of 4) to reassure them. Then in 10min increments in sets of 4. The next night we started with 10min in sets of 3, then 15min in sets of 2, and so on. It worked like a charm and we weren’t not responding to their cries. We made sure that they knew we were still there and would respond, so they learned and felt comfortable going to sleep on their own.

It only took 2-3 nights before we’d put them down and they’d fall asleep almost instantly. Just because you’re letting them CIO doesn’t mean you’re not responding to them.

Anonymous on

Sleep train? What? Is this your infant son or a dog?

Chica on

Geez a lot of you are such judgmental aholes!

KW on

SO many judge mental people on here! Listen your way of doing things is not always the right way either! I did CIO with both of my kids at 4 months. They needed to sleep more than I did. It didn’t involve letting them cry for hours. It only took 3 days and the longest they ever cried for was 6 minutes! 6 minutes!!!!! That is hardly neglectful like some of you are suggesting! You think parents that have 10 kids have babies that cry longer than 6 minutes before they can get to them! I bet they do!

My kids now love their OWN beds and have been great sleepers! They still love us, they don’t hate us and they have no issues with being attached to us! I have friends that refused to do CIO which is fine but none of their kids go to sleep on their own without being rocked to sleep and they still wake up multiples times a night and they are almost 5 yrs old!

Do what works for you and stop trying to push your self righteous way of doing things on other people!

Kelly on

OMG!!! I do what is appropriate for my son as his mother! Each parent does what works for them and their child. Let these people do what they feel is best!

Claire on

To all those who are hating on the CIO method: I’m going to assume that at least some of you are old enough to have been babies when CIO was the norm and, thus, your parents used this method to get you to sleep. So I ask, how psychologically damaged are YOU? :-)

Mila on

I am lucky, blessed, content and in love with my baby girl of five months! Reality check people!

tenibear10 on

*GASP!!* Oh no, not love! How could they do such a terrible, awful thing to their children?!?

Christy on

It is NOT NORMAL for a five month old baby to sleep all night!!!!!!!! Plenty of ADULTS wake up during the night!!!!!!!! babies quit crying because they give up that anyone will come help them. I read one lady explain to her Marine husband that soldiers are never left alone when they need help. Another soldier will always try to get to them, yet we expect more of an infant than we do a Marine. Battle hardened soldiers expect aid to come when in need, but babies are taught that no one is ever coming, no matter how hard you cry. What a tragic first lesson in trust to teach your child.

Kristi on

People, It is not judgement or parents claiming to be experts. CIO is an outdated dangerous practice. It is fact that it alters the brain, affects trust and how they handle stress. Ask any neurologist or psychologist, etc.

dsfg on

I’m confused. No where in this article does it say they let the baby cry for hours at a time.

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