Marla Sokoloff’s Blog: Learning to Trust Myself (and Others)

11/15/2012 at 07:30 PM ET

Our celebrity blogger Marla Sokoloff is a new mama!

Since audiences first got to know her at age 12 as Gia on Full House, Sokoloff has had many memorable TV roles — Jody on Party of Five, Lucy on The Practice, Claire on Desperate Housewives – as well as turns on the big screen in Whatever It Takes, Dude, Where’s My Car? and Sugar & Spice.

Sokoloff, 31, also sings and plays guitar and released an album, Grateful, in 2005.

She wed her husband, music composer Alec Puro, in November 2009 and the couple — plus pup Coco Puro — make their home in Los Angeles.

You can find Marla, now mom to 9-month-old daughter Elliotte Anne, on Twitter.

Marla Sokoloff's Blog: My Heavy Heart
My little bumblebee – Stacy Marble


Stop the presses … Elliotte Anne is officially on the move! She recently hit the big crawling milestone and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She had been showing signs of wanting to crawl for the past few months but just couldn’t seem to make the leap and then just like that, she turned into a total mover and a shaker.

She literally just wants to pull herself up on anything and everything that she can get her hands on. She also has developed a strong affinity for Coco Puro‘s doggie kibble. Let the baby-proofing begin!

I can hardly believe that in just three short months my little girl will be turning 1! Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was stressing over every single newborn trait that sent me into a complete panic? It really is crazy how fast this is all going … I truly can’t believe it.

A few weeks ago I found myself a sobbing mess as I packed up her 3-6 month clothes and placed them in the garage for her someday sister (brother that likes pink?) to wear. Obviously I am happy that she is growing up, but there is this intense sadness that is attached to it that I just can’t seem to get past.

Please tell me I’m not alone in feeling this way as I’m starting to feel like a real jerk for not wanting my kid to grow up!

Marla Sokoloff's Blog: My Heavy Heart
Look who’s crawling – Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

I want to talk about something that’s been weighing heavily on me these past few weeks. You know how sometimes you read something or hear a haunting story on the news that you just can’t shake? A story that just seems so unfathomable and unreal that it leaves your entire being numb to the core — I have that feeling when I think about the Krim family and the recent tragedy that has completely changed their lives forever.

A mother (who is very much like me, and may very well be very much like you) leaves her children with someone that she trusts implicitly only to be met by her absolute worst nightmare. Two of her babies gone by the very hands that were supposed to be caring for them.

The complete horror and sadness is almost too much to bear, yet it is on my mind non-stop. Marina Krim is a virtual stranger to me, yet I have wept for her every day since the tragedy occurred.

If I let myself go there and imagine her grief for even one millisecond, my heart aches so badly that I do everything in my power to stop myself. Sadly, Marina Krim can’t make her aching heart stop and it never will.

A stay-at-home mom who even kept a blog about her beloved children is now left with just one child. How does she even begin to pick up the pieces of her new life? How does she go on for her surviving daughter Nessie?

Marla Sokoloff's Blog: My Heavy Heart
Elliotte has teeth! – Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

On a daily basis we trust people with our children. Be it teachers, babysitters, nannies, family members or friends. We trust that while they are playing on the playground or involved in after-school activities — someone has caring eyes on them when we can’t be there. They say it takes a village to raise a child and we count on others to help protect our truest treasures.

I now fear that every time I leave my sweet Elliotte I will have that sinking feeling of doubt.

The Krim family reportedly took a vacation to visit their nanny’s family and was clearly very close with her — how are we to ever really know and trust the people we are leaving our children with? Is it realistic to think that we will be with our kids 100 percent of the time and never let them leave our side? Of course not. It is virtually impossible for us to watch over our little ones 24 hours a day.

As a new parent … it’s an unbelievably helpless feeling.

Marina, Kevin and Nessie — my thoughts and prayers are truly with you.

As per usual you can comment below or send me a Tweet @marlasok. Please be kind and refrain from judgment in regards to the Krim family when leaving your comments. Many thanks.

Marla Sokoloff's Blog: My Heavy Heart
Puro family Halloween – Courtesy Marla Sokoloff

xo,

– Marla Sokoloff

P.S. In an effort to leave this blog on a positive note, my friend Dan Bucatinsky (you may know him as James from the hit TV show Scandal) has written a hilarious book, Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight? If you need a good laugh or a fantastic holiday read be sure to check it out!

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Showing 46 comments

amanda on

Your daughter is beautiful and very nice recognizing that sad family.

I emailed about book!

Melissa on

I too have experienced sadness at watching my son grow from a pudgy, into-everything baby to a self-sufficient 3rd grader who still loves Mommy hugs but ties his own shoes and reads big books.

I want to keep him young forever but know that I can’t. I have to trust that everyone in his life will care for him and nurture him like I do.

I can’t even think of the Krim family and what they are suffering. I don’t think any words can describe it.

Jennifer on

My son is two and a half, and I still find myself crying sometimes because he’s growing up so fast.

Before having a child, I didn’t know that parenthood could be so bittersweet! I used to think that maybe I was losing my mind, but it is comforting to see that I was not the only one crying while packing away tiny onesies.

Joseph Tannenbaum on

It’s always a mixed emotion as your child grows. Wait till she is a teen. (remember your teen years??).

My heart goes out to the Krim family. That is a really scary happening.

Best wishes.

Missy on

Definitely know what u mean! Going through outgrown clothes & looking back at pictures chokes me up a little…everytime!

Tragedies..especially ones that have to do w/kids get to me also. The Krim story absolutely horrified me. The latest, I haven’t been able to shake, is the little boy fell into the den of wild dogs.

Motherhood comes with mixed emotions! I have 5 kids & it hasnt gotten any easier. Just try to remember to be grateful they are happy & healthy! (:

Kari on

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the baby years and the only definite in my life was that I was going to be a mom. My girls are now 8 and 11 and I am truly enjoying them as fun, witty, intelligent people. Certainly not that I didn’t love and adore all the other stages of their growing up but I suppose I am just so pleasantly surprised at how much they make me laugh and smile now in such a way that I love who they are becoming as people. This is a whole different stage that I wasn’t anticipating in finding such unexpected daily joy. I truly enjoy their company and they still make me laugh and smile everyday.

Bree on

My husband and I just packed up a bunch of baby clothes too and I reached a point where I had to do it fast and hard otherwise I found myself reminising about something that happened in a particular outfit and wanting to cry as I watch my almost one year old scurry across the livingroom chasing after a cat.

My daughter will be the big ONE in less than a month and while I am excited about planning the party there is a certain sadness as I think about the little baby we brought home and wonder where she went and when she was replaced with this active, alert, comedian that I see instead (I know adults who don’t have the sense of humour Elianna already has). But at the same time I can’t wait to see who she grows up to be, what she will look like, will her skin darken to my husband’s olive tone or stay pale and develop freckles like mine. Will she have an total knack for math that I envy in my husband or be the total bookworm and wanna-be artist that I am or will she be good at science? I miss that little baby so much it hurts sometimes but I am so in love with this little girl that I see before me.

The Krim story absolutly broke my heart. When my daughter was 5 months old my Brother-in-law and his wife lost their daughter at 34 weeks. They did everything right, and they still lost her. Every milestone Elly hits there is still that little voice in my head that says that Z will never do this, C&K will never get to experience this with their little girl and my heart breaks for them and I remember how close we came to being in their position (our daughter was in the NICU with a hole in her lung) and now I think of the Krims and thank God they still have Nessie and are still parents and have a reason to keep living. But wonder how they are going to handle those days that they have had stolen from them, the day that Leo would have started school, Lulu’s high school graduation, their birthdays, getting their driver’s liciences, their first drink. and the holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving and Easter.

Love your blog and your pictures, Eliotte is the second cutest little girl I have seen (Sorry, mommy’s perogitive!!)

fanofboardwalkempire on

hello marla- I love your blogs they are so insightful and entertaining. Your little daughter is indeed growing up fast and she is just beautiful and adorable. Congratulations on her new crawling adventures. thank you for remembering the Krim family as this tragedy affected us all with such pain and sadness over their loss of two precious angels. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Krim family- thank you.

Jennifer on

Marla is beautiful and so is her family. :) :)

NW Mama on

Growing up so fast! To the child it’s just another day, but to the parents it seems like a lifetime in those short baby filled months. My daughter’s are 19 and 24 and I still have their baby clothes that I packed away oh so many years ago. (yes very hard to pack away those cute baby items) I want to give them back to my daughter’s for their babies. (especially all the hand made items)

Enjoy every moment with your daughter, time really does fly by so quickly, Seems like yesterday my girls were infants. Now they are grown women.

susan on

Elliotte is so cute! I am so happy for you and ALEC!

lovethisfam on

This blog was wonderful. I am parenting a foster child that is on track to be adopted (but things are never certain). I turned to fostercare as a path that hopefully will lead to adoption after coming to terms that my body is not going to cooperate in having a baby. She is nine months this month as well and I have to say that packing away her 3-6 months clothes was just horrible.

It reminded me of miscarriages and missed chances. It reminded me that this might be the only time in my life that I get to parent a baby. It was just ??? sad for better lack of words…but when the tears dried I saw my beautiful foster daughter who is getting a chance at life. She might only be mine for the moment but the trip so far as been nothing short of amazing with her. It was heartbreaking to put the clothes away and deal with the past memories but I was over joyed at the thought of moving to the next milestone.

Thanks to Marla for writing. I, for a just the few moments that it takes to read your blogs, get to pretend that everything is okay and I am just one mom reading another mom’s blog.

Amber on

My daughter is turning two in a couple months. And I have felt everything that you are feeling. I just love to stare and her and try to burn that mental image into my head, because she changes so much every day that it’s amazing. With every milestone I’m excited, but also kinda sad to see the place she was gone now forever. Losing those very baby actions/traits, oh geez when the doctor told me she was a toddler – what she’s not a baby anymore. Yes I’m a mess with it all too. Hanging onto clothes that are way to small in closet. haha. You’re not alone my dear.

Tiffany on

I loved your blog and glad to hear that someone else feels the same way about their baby growing up. My son is 14 months old and time is just FLYING by! I love that he’s growing into such a smart and beautiful little boy…but I’m sad that my “baby” is now a “toddler.” I shudder at the word.

But the good thing is that in our eyes, they will always be our babies.

Your daughter is beautiful and you sound like such a good mom! I love reading your blogs, and I join you in prayer for the Krim family. I too think of them, and though I have no idea, how they feel, my sympathy goes out to them.

Ashley on

Oh my goodness! I too cannot stop thinking about the Krim family; I can’t even imagine their pain. I just feel so bad; it’s beyond horrifying!!!!….on a lighter note, I love your blog here and your daughter is the cutest thing!

Take care Marla, you have a beautiful family :)

Anonymous on

Babies are little darlings. To bad they can’t stay that way forever.Just like a puppy they grow and mature till they are out of the nest…then one of the greatest blessing is Grandchildren!!!!

joyce on

One of the greatest blessing about our litle darlings growing up ….is….Grandchildren!!!!!

Cindy on

This kid is absolutely adorable. And she’s not a jerk for not wanting her kid to grow up. I don’t have kids, but if you could get them to age five and “freeze them,” I would have a dozen of them. Birth to age five is my favorite age for kids. But it’s fun watching them grow up, too. A friend has identical twin boys whom I’ve loved since they were two, and they’re sixteen now. And it’s been literally awesome watching them grow into two amazing young men who will do great things in life. So whether you’re a parent or not, it’s both sad and wonderful seeing them grow up.

Tera Vinson on

you are nowhere near alone when it comes to getting nostalgic and down right weepy as your baby grows. Its a bitter sweet transition. My daughter will be 3 next month and this is the first time I haven’t completely broken down while packing away clothes that no longer fit. (I still shed a tear or two). You will come to find that things only get more exciting as they get older and believe it or not you will never stop falling in love. At least I haven’t yet.

Halley on

I think every mother in the world thinks her kids grow too fast. They do! I cried when I voted the other week, because my oldest is nine, and I have always taken him with me. Next time we vote for President, he’ll be 13, and likely wont have interest in coming with mom to vote. Even though both of my boys go through all these fun, delicious, wonderful stages as they grow, a part of me hates it. Totally normal.

My heart has been with the Krim family as well. I cannot imagine…

Tabitha on

Your daughter is so stinking cute! My daughter will be 4 in two months and lately I find myself going through the IPOD pictures of her as a teeny tiny baby. I miss those days but look forward to new milestones!

TrackJane on

Marla,

You are a very good writer. You should consider writing a book!

I too feel the same way about my baby boy growing up too fast. It is such a bittersweet thing to watch.

With regard to the Krim family and your comments on trusting people, I honestly just don’t know how to trust anyone in this day and age. I feel like worrying about my little son and his safety with family or nannies is all I can think about 24/7. What can I do? I just don’t think that most people are trustworthy, reliable, sane, and good like they used to be.

Jane on

Your daughter is SO incredibly beautiful! I have an 8 month old baby girl at home, and I have been equally haunted by the Krim family’s terrible tragedy. I’m glad I’m not alone in my inability to shake the feeling.

B on

She is SO gorgeous… and I might think so POSSIBLY because I think she looks so much like MY daughter Ella who was born in February this year. :)

Marla you’re doing a great job or sharing your journey and I really enjoy your writing. As a mother of three myself I have been haunted by the Krims’ story and have had more than one nightmare since it happened. I have been wanting to blog about it myself but I think I need more time.

I have found since becoming a mother that the fears and horrors of the world weigh VERY heavily on my heart. I look at my kids and wonder if they will have the chance to live full, healthy, happy lives. So many children are not given that chance.

I worry about myself more now too… what if I die? I could be gone tomorrow.. car accident, murder, who knows! I’m not sure when I became so full of doom and gloom but I fight it all the time. I am afraid of my kids leaving me, and I’m afraid of what will happen if I ever leave my kids.

All we can do is love them. LOVE LOVE LOVE them and make the best of every moment, because as you said – there is just no way to ensure their safety at every second.

I read an expression once that I’m sure you’ve heard.. that having a child is like walking around with your heart on the outside of your body. So very true.

Blessings to you and your beautiful family!
XO B

Dr. Schwartz on

Hello Marla,

I had to take my 4 month old son to the office (your dad’s office) with me for awhile when a nanny just quit showing up one day. I felt betrayed as I had entrusted her with my most precious possession and wondered how devoted she could have been to his care if she was willing to just desert him without a word. Ultimately, I decided to retire to raise our kids as I was too nervous to trust anyone to take care of them. Remember, however, that the vast majority of childcare givers do a wonderful job and by God’s grace, tragedies such as the one that befell the Krim family are extremely rare.

Your daughter is beautiful! The sadness you feel in packing away her infant clothing just means that you are ready for another one. That’s how I got 4 in under 4 years. Every time one grew out of their layette, I just had another…

All the best to your beautiful family.

Cat on

Marla,
You are not alone at all. My “baby” is three now and we are expecting our second. I can’t beleive she has gotten so big so fast. It feels like it happened over night! Enjoy your little one while she is still llittle but enjoy her as she grows too.

C on

I have felt the same way about everything you have written here. It is so hard to see our little ones grow so fast even though that’s their job. There is a saying that helps me when I am so sad about them growing up…’there are two gifts we should give our children; one is roots, the other is wings’.

I cry everytime I think about the Krim family. May they eventually find some peace to their shattering heartbreak. It is unimaginable, they are in my prayers every day.

Windy on

My daughter turned 3 this year. I would love for her to stay little!! She is growing way too fast for my liking. I look at her baby clothes, and just wish I was able to put her into those again!

Sophia on

Your daughter is so beautiful!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about the tragedy. I am really struggling with the Krim tragedy still as I live on that block and pass the bldg. every day.

I have been thinking about her non-stop ever since. The depth of her grief, how she is surviving every second, the visual image she walked in on and that her babies are gone forever is actually all I can think about…I pray for them all the time.

Again, thank you.

Anonymous on

I love everything about this baby!!! Especially her name. She is so sweet. Where oh where can I find the LED ZEP tee????

Marya on

Thanks for your words about the Krim family as I too have been thinking about them everyday, and my heart aches for the family and the pain they must feel. And if I am sad then I can’t possibly imagine what the mother feels, especially because she was the one that discovered her helpless children in the tub. It’s news like that that makes you wonder how much pain can one person feel and still keep living each day…it’s unbearable to think about.

stacey on

Oh my gosh, I can so relate to this blog!!!!! Just about an hour ago, my 6-week old baby boy laughed for the first time, and then he sat perfectly still for a good 5 to 7 minutes while I talked to him with all these different little expressions on his face. While I was so excited to hear his first laugh, it broke my heart. Just yesterday, he couldn’t laugh and he would only stay engaged while I talked to him for about a minute. I thought, “he’s not a newborn anymore, he is turning into a real baby”. What makes it even worse is, this is our last one:(

I’m a mom of seven, yes seven. No stepchildren-all mine! I completely understand what ” not wanting your kids to grow up ” means. I want to be a mom forever, and I never want them to leave, although one already has and another one will be heading out in less than a year. Tears come to my eyes when I look at pictures of my older ones when they were little………where did the time go. I would so go back and do it over if I could. And the baby clothes, nope, can’t get rid of them and I never will. Too many memories.

Your daughter is precious and so petite. She reminds me of my second daughter, she only weighed 17 pounds at a year old.

The Krim family…….can’t bear to go there. There are no words.

Sasha on

I too can’t stop hurting for the Krim family. I’ve cried everyday…my heart breaks for them.

On a lighter note, your baby girl is adorable and what a sweet blog.

Mary Beth on

Loved her in “Gift of the Magi”…

Melissa S on

Hello there! It’s me again…I write every time you blog. My sweet one is also mobile (just turned 10 months yesterday). SCARY times! We just started babyproofing tonight and moved her mattress down in her crib–I too am devastated that she’s gotten so big so quickly. Knowing this is my last child seems to make the pain of “losing my baby” even harder to bear. But…we get through it.

Regarding your feelings about the Krim family; my heart goes out to them! I had that same reaction (let’s be honest, it’s more like an obsession) when two babies were left in cars in Indianapolis during the extreme heat this past summer, one of whom died. The baby who died from 3rd degree burns must have suffered the most terrible death. He was the same age as my daughter was (five months at the time). I was literally sick to my stomach for weeks about it, maybe even months.

The only way I was able to cope with the thought of it was to know that that sweet little baby was no longer in pain. In the end, I’ve realized that I can’t control what others do but I can control what I do. I will do everything I can to protect my girls.

You are a mother now and that’s how mothers react to news so terrible that you wish it weren’t real. Count your blessings and squeeze your little lady as much as you can.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Sarah on

Marla,

Please know professional nannies highly values the trust their employers place in them. The tragedy the Krim family has suffered is an unimaginable horror, and it is one that no one saw coming. I doubt even the nanny saw it coming. I am sure that if you told her the day before or even perhaps the hour before this happened that she would be the one to take the lives of the children in her care, she would have said, “Never!”

Please don’t let this ruin the trust you have in others. As a professional nanny myself, I can assure you that we are just as heartbroken for this family as everyone else.

Millie on

I am so in love with that little girl! just like her mom and dad she is adorable :)

momaswell on

Love your blog and can always relate. My baby just turned 1 and it is always bittersweet packing up clothes she has outgrown. The Krim family tragedy definitely terrified me too as a mom.

lora96litdiva on

In my one year old’s closet you’ll still see her easter dress (size 6 months) hanging alongside her current 18mos clothes because I can’t put it away yet. I WANT her to grow and learn but there’s a tiny germ of grief for the baby that was.

Erica on

I know what you mean about the baby clothes. We had a garage sale last summer and I had to go through 3 yrs(!) of my son”s packed away clothing. It was so difficult because I wanted to save it all. Those little onesies were the hardest to let go. Sometimes, I think back to him wearing one along with the little stretch pants (we called the look his “lounge” outfit) and just get a big smile on my face. But as wonderful as those memories are, there are still so many others to come.

Regarding the Krim family, my heart breaks for all of them deeply. I was sobbing after reading about what happened to them. It truly is one of those “worst nightmare” scenerios. My son is going to be 4 in a couple months and he’s only ever been looked after by close family members. Once he starts pre-school, I know I’ll be a nervous wreck!

Thank you so much for your blog, Marla. It’s always nice to hear from another mom going through the same stuff as the rest of us. :)

Ekaterina on

Marla, you are such an inspiring person. I love reading your blog! You are always so caring and kind. Thanks for your writings.

My baby is almost 7 months and I am also shocked and even scared by the speed with which she is growing… On one hand it is great she is constantly growing and gaining weight, on the other I wish her to always stay my tiny baby…

jeri on

Try not to be too sad about the baby thiing. Pretty soon you’ll be able to go for walks, and have conversations and do all kinds of girl stuff together. And no more diapers!

shana on

I cried when my middle child lost his first tooth…. It meant he was about to get the little kid goofy toothless grin and that he was getting bigger. He’s my little guy. You’ll never stop crying over their growing but you’ll always be happy that they are. Stupid catch 22..lol.. She’s a doll :)

Linda on

No one deserves to suffer. No one’s children deserve to die. Children are dying EVERY day,and you only NOTICE when they are people who look like YOU and live like YOU.

Winnie on

Enjoyed reading your post. Your daughter is beautiful. Enjoy the holiday season with her!

Tracey-Ann on

You are so not crazy, I too have so many mixed emotions with my baby growing up so quickly. I miss all his lil’ creases and chunkiness *sigh*. He has grown so much in a year I’m still in a daze. Every milestone leads to some joy (for the accomplishment) and sadness (those times won’t ever return). All I can say is that as parents and other loved ones, we love and cherish our children. I too am in dread of the teenage yrs *lol* but hey, such is life :)

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