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Garcelle Beauvais’s Blog: Dating as a Single Mom

09/05/2012 at 07:00 PM ET

Thanks for welcoming Garcelle Beauvais!

Best known for her roles on The Jamie Foxx Show and NYPD Blue, the actress, 45, just wrapped her second season on TNT’s Franklin & Bash.

Mom to three sons — Oliver, 21, and 4½-year-old twins Jax and Jaid — Beauvais supports the Step Up Women’s Network and is also active with March of Dimes, Children Uniting Nations and Yéle Haiti Foundation.

She can be found on Twitter @GarcelleB.

In her latest blog, the actress writes about her experiences attempting to date as a single mom.

Jaid, me, Jax – summer fun! – Courtesy Garcelle Beauvais


I was so touched by the wonderful feedback that many of you gave me on my last blog. I really appreciate your kind words, and I’m thrilled that sharing my experiences has helped those of you out there who are dealing with a similar situation.

I really believe it’s important to make choices that are best for our individual circumstances, no matter what anyone else may think. So be true to your heart — because no one knows your situation the way you do.

After becoming single again, I thought I should try to get back into the dating game. And I’m not gonna lie — I didn’t like it. There were several reasons.

While I’m so grateful for the career and opportunities I’ve had, being in the public eye is tough because there is no mystery about who I am. After splitting from my ex, I went on a lunch date. I found it odd that this man just talked about himself. Then he said, “I know you’ve been going through a hard time.”

Clearly, he had Googled my name. And yes, that gave him a chance to see pictures of me and to know what roles I’ve played. I’m sure he also read some gossip about me. And while whatever is online doesn’t begin to tell you the story of who I am — or who anyone is for that matter — he acted like he knew everything there was to know about me. It was weird.

On another date, I had dinner with a nice enough man. But the next thing I knew, he called me and asked for my passport number so he could send a driver and surprise me with an international trip. Who does that?! I was blown away. We only went to one dinner! He was persistent, too! But I told him I couldn’t do that. I’m a mother — I can’t just disappear for weeks at a time with a stranger.

As a public person, I can’t Internet date, either. Friends can set me up or I can meet people at events, but cyberspace mingling is out of the question. Some of my friends suggested that I go out with younger men — you know, give the whole cougar thing a try. And I did go out with a few young guys just to see what it would be like, but it didn’t feel right for me.

Then I went out with someone way more famous than me. Of course, I won’t say who it is. We went on exactly one date, but you’d never know that if you saw the tabloids. The press treated it like we were practically registering for china! That can cause problems, too, because it could stop other people from asking me out if they think I’m taken.

But these experiences actually helped me out, because I realized that I really wasn’t prepared to get involved with anyone. I sure as heck wasn’t ready to be intimate with someone, because I felt like I would cry through the whole thing. And that is definitely not sexy. Ha! So about a year ago, I decided to take myself off of the market, at least for the time being.

Once I made this choice, I felt an immense sense of relief. I felt no pressure to fill the void of a romantic relationship with somebody new. I just wanted to work on myself and be the best mom I could be.

Jax and Jaid – Courtesy Garcelle Beauvais

By taking that anxiety out of my life, it helped me feel completely relaxed, which has gotten me to a place of being open to meeting someone. While I’m not rushing to get back into another relationship, my heart is now much more open to it.

But I do have some rules. When you come with children, it weeds out men who don’t want to deal with kids, which is fine by me. That goes in the plus column of being a single or divorced parent. My sons are my world. They come first.

Honestly, I don’t want to introduce my kids to anybody, unless it is someone I have dated for a while and we have become serious about each other. I’ve seen many high-profile celebrities with young children go from one person to another, and I question that.

As a parent, I think you need time to reflect. I feel you also need to make sure that your kids are doing well because it’s not just about you. After a breakup, they’re going through a loss as well. I don’t want my kids to think that people are disposable, and if a marriage doesn’t work out, bringing in new romantic partner right away may give off that impression.

Time is needed for healing. And you have to ask yourself if it will hurt the kids to bring someone else into their lives too soon. For me, that answer is yes.

To make this transition better for all of us, I’ve decided that — as I ease back into the dating scene — I will only do so during the times when Jax and Jaid aren’t with me. If I knew someone would be around for a while, and we dated for at least a good six months, then I would consider introducing him to my boys. But I would do it slowly and carefully.

I recently attended a wedding where I sat at a table with a wonderful couple. They are so in love. After chatting with them for a while, the woman told me that she was a single parent with two children when she met her now-husband.

They dated for 10 years, and he was never allowed to sleep at her house because she didn’t feel it was right for the kids. I was so impressed with her for taking such a strong stance on this. And I love that he respected her and the kids so much that he agreed to it! To me, that’s the gold medal of love.

Do I get lonely? Yes. Do I want to eventually snuggle with someone who weighs more than 35 lbs? Absolutely! But I want to attract an emotionally healthy person, and I now know you have to be what you want to attract. And I’m getting closer to being that kind of person every day.

The blessing of taking this time for myself has been that I’ve finally discovered my true self. And now that I have, I feel more confident about what I have to offer as a mother, friend, and future romantic partner.

Pool time with Jaid and Jax – Courtesy Garcelle Beauvais

Please share your stories about dating as a single mom in the comments, or send me a Tweet.

Thanks for coming on this journey with me,

– Garcelle Beauvais

P.S. Next blog will be fun — I’ll tell you about my favorite things.

More from Garcelle’s PEOPLE.com blog series:

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Showing 71 comments

Emily on

Garcelle, I have to tell you, I’ve been really struck by your openness and honesty throughout this blog series. I wish we could just go grab a coffee together! You are completely relatable and it’s refreshing.

My husband and I split when my kids were 4 and 7. His infidelity was the root issue in my situation as well. We married young, so even though it took me a couple of years to build up the confidence/trust to even LOOK at another man romantically, I was only 32 when I was ready to date again!

I did the online dating thing, and found a dad in my area who was raising his daughter pretty much alone. Her mom comes and goes as she pleases. I was a little apprehensive about taking on a third child, because in this situation it truly was him AND his little girl (age 6 at the time), but eight years later I could not be happier with how things have turned out. It’s like my own little Brady bunch. ;)

It’s SO difficult to put yourself out there again, especially if you have been betrayed, but it is completely worth it if you meet the right person. Best of luck to you.

Also before alllll the comments go this way – she’s talking about Sean Penn. ;)

Jen DC on

Brava! I, too, have wondered at the speed at which people seem to introduce their new partners into their children’s lives. Don’t folks get that kids “fall in love” easily and mourn every lost new “friend” more deeply than adults? It’s simply not fair to them.

I’ve dated single parents and had to have “the talk,” which is awkward if I have to instigate it. There’s no real graceful way to tell someone that while I love children, I am not prepared to meet theirs because of the open-ended nature of our relationship. Only one gentleman has taken it well, and he and I had a huge laugh when he replied he’d had no intention of making that introduction for the very same reason!

It was a huge weight off my shoulders because I do honestly love children, almost all children, and I can’t imagine learning to care for one then being forced to “dump” the child along with the father! And if it’s that emotional for me, the adult, I can’t do that to a child.

Applause all around. Loved this installment.

Kathy on

Im also a single mom 47 with 4 children ranging from 21 to 5..dating was such a difficult balance..although I’ve met nice guys …all of them can’t fathom that u can’t just GET UP & GO. My exs are not very hands on so I do most alone & work over 40 hours a week…single mothers are the planets back bone!

Monique on

Put your kids first and KEEP them first. I remarried after 5 years of being a single mom. I really thought I made the right choice. It turns out I didn’t. My children suffered and I am now just 2 short months from being divorced AGAIN. I take full responsibility for my actions. But it has been a PAINFUL and devastating lesson.

susan raymon on

Garcelle, I’m proud of you for choosing your children over a man. I wish more women follow in your footsteps. I know one day God will send you someone that is wonderful for you and your children.

I understand how you feel on

Hi Garcelle,

I’ve been reading your blog and I have really felt for you with all of the things you have been going through. But I have to be honest. I know you want to heal and get it all out but I don’t think that putting all of this private info out there is the best thing.

I also think that there comes a point when you have to just suck it up and move on. Say to yourself, “Look this is a crappy situation, I was betrayed and hurt, but I won’t give him or that situation any more power in my life”. The more you keep talking about “IT”, the longer you keep it alive.

Find something else to blog about, something else to be passionate about. The truth is that you really are not moving on, you are keeping this trauma alive. Date, date, date….until you find what it is that YOU want. Don’t introduce to your kids until you have a commitment from them, but just start living and stop dwelling on it.

You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig. You can dress it up and make believe you are moving on with your life, but if every blog mentions your ex and private details about how you are trying to move on, etc, etc, you really are not moving on.

I don’t want to sound mean or harsh, it’s just that you deserve more and better, and not to keep this alive. The way to take the power away from your ex and this situation is to STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM AND IT.

Carmen on

Thanks for sharing this. Very encouraged.

Lynn on

I’m not a single mom, but I was raised by one. I think you are going about this situation is such a healthy way for you and your boys. They are lucky to have you!

jessica on

I love this blog!!! You sound like your taking the time to figure out what’s best for you and your children. I appreciate your honesty and I do feel that sharing your story does help others feel less alone who are in the same situation. I wish you the best of luck, you’re off to a great start in this new chapter of your life.

Dana on

I look forward to reading your blog whenever it is featured on people.com. I love your openness with your readers, it is very refreshing to know some celebs are “human” too. :)

Courtney on

Smart lady!

Dana on

LOVE your blog! Of all the celeb blogs on people.com yours is the best and easy to relate to. I love your honesty and openness.

Jules on

Thank you for sharing your story – I look forward to your blogs and appreciate the honesty you display each and every time. It is so relatable and encouraging. I hope for the same strength and clarity one day… Hopefully soon! Please keep writing.

angela m on

Love your blogs!!!!!!!!

foxychic32 on

Garcelle, kudos to you my sister! love your honesty in the blogs…I can’t even begin to imagine the pain and heartache you endured when the man you called HUSBAND, SOULMATE, THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, betrays you in the worse possible way.

I’m not you. Who am I to judge your situation? Behind closed doors is a different story..you’re going to read people’s responses some good some not so good some just plain downright ignorant for no reason..

sister girl, focus on those boys and keep it moving! Life goes on! in my gina neely voice from food network: “GOTTA KEEP THAT TRAIN A MOVINGGGG!”

Melissa on

Great blog. I’ve always wondered. Which is Jax, and Jaid? Is the dark haired one Jax or Jaid?

Maggie on

It says who is who in the captions under each photo. :)

Tammy Sue on

I, too, am a single mom. Have been for the last 4 1/2 years. I find myself struggling with the entire dating scene. It’s horrific!!!! I laughed at it…the first two years….not so funny anymore.

I don’t have men sleeping over at my house. I really wanted one for a long time. Then, I stepped back and took a good look around me. My girls are healthy, happy, smart, athletic….I think I will just sit back and enjoy the life I am living NOW!!!!!!

Thank you for reminding me that there are others out there just like me. Everything’s gonna be all right!

laurie on

Thanks for this blog. I thought it was just me who felt this way.

I have a 22 year old and 15 year old. Dated someone off and on for 4 years and things ended almost a year ago in November 2011 and since then, I’ve been on my own, enjoying time to myself and have no desire to date anyone right now.

It is so refreshing to take time for yourself. Friends can’t understand why I don’t want to date. They say its only one dinner and my respond is, I can take myself out to eat, I can take myself to the movies. My focus right now is me. Do I miss the companionship of the opposite sex, certainly, but it is not a priority or my focus.

A lot of people just can’t be alone and feel they need to jump into something right away to fill a void or the only way to get over a person is to jump into another relationship not realizing they only bring the baggage from one situation right into the next.

My 22 year old doesn’t live with me but I have too much respect for myself and my kids to have them see another man in my house. It’s OK people to be alone, its the time to reflect, grow, and heal.

Once you heal, you will be able to sing one of my favorite lyrics from a song by Brandy “thank you for all the tears, all the stress, you’re the best, I feel blessed, I’m a better woman now, look how I smile, all you did was help the next man, this experience made me who I am.”

kate on

I thank you for being one of the few celebrities that sounds like a normal person going thru normal problems in life. I am so sorry about what has happened in your marriage and all that you’ve gone thru. Of course, I wish no harm on anyone.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you say. I’m a single mom of a 4 year old son and I’m going thru a lot of the same things you’re going thru (minus the famous part). I want to be with someone, and I too am lonely, but my son is the MOST important thing. If it means I’m alone forever, so be it. I know I won’t be tho. And you won’t be either.

You’re right- better yourself and at some point, the right one will come along. I believe he will come along when you least expect it. Good luck!

Elizabeth on

You remind me so much of myself after my divorce 5 years ago, and a single mother to my amazing son, Jackson. Once i gave up dating and just focused on my son and I, I met the LOVE of my life. He fell into our lives (Jackson and I, we are a package).

It happens when you are not looking darling and you will know! It will feel so right finally. And if he is worth it, he will get it that your kids are #1 and he will love them like his own. 3 years later, we have been blissfully wedded and have a daughter and he is the most perfect father figure to Jackson.

You have a great head on your shoulders….you got it girl. :)

Pia Razon on

Garcelle, I know you have a lot of fans on this page and I count myself as one of them, but while this blog may lift their spirits and make them feel as though they have a celebrity friend who understands their trials, too much sharing is a turn-off to men. It makes you too much of an open book. It steals away all of your beautiful mystery and quite honestly makes you look desperate.

Keeping your standards and principles high shows what a wonderful woman you are, but unfortunately, showing how wonderful you are doesn’t make a man want to date or fall in love with you. We all know you are a mom, but I suggest bringing back some of that sexy diva-ishness (for lack of a better word) that made every man swoon when they thought you were unattainable. The best way to get a man is by pretending you have one. That doesn’t turn men off from asking you on dates – trust me.

You are wealthy. Hire a gorgeous escort to play the role if you have to until the right man comes along. As the old people say, “fake it until you make it!” Truly a big fan of yours and I hope you find all you deserve.

Louise on

Garcelle, I’m proud of your growth and maturity. You are making the best of your situation. A lot of single mothers say that their “children come first” as they parade a host of men into their children’s lives. Some even unwisely leave their children in the care of these men, and untold molestations and atrocities occur.

It’s OK to be single. I tell women to become their own best friend. Yes, it feels good to have someone’s arms around you, but in today’s days and times, a higher price is always paid by women in relationships.

What is funny is that many times, dating couples don’t even agree on the status of their relationship. Women tend to think the relationship is further along than the man does. Single mothers don’t need to be involved in such foolishness. Stay strong and raise your boys to be strong young men. If a worthy man comes into your life … or not, you will be fine!

lovely123 on

I suggest wearing a good bra.

Steph on

Why is there never any pictures of your oldest son on your blog? I’ve read you have a 21 year old son but all I ever see is Jax & Jaid. I hope its not what I’m thinking Garcelle……..hhmmm.

Melanie on

^ What are you trying to imply? “Never” doesn’t even make sense if you actually read her blog series.

For the record, Oliver was discussed in both prior blogs, as well as pictured in her first: http://celebritybabies.people.com/2012/06/19/garcelle-beauvais-blog-meet-me-and-my-boys/

and also on Twitter yesterday: http://instagram.com/p/PLXoCUsD2u/

Obviously a 21-year-old adult child would be featured on a baby blog much less than two preschoolers.

JM on

I truly hope you find what you are looking for and what makes you and your boys happy. i can’t say i have been in your situation so it would be foolish to offer advice, let me just say that i really feel for you and wish you the best.

on a side note, you have two of the most adorable boys i have ever ever seen! you can tell they are going to grow up to be such handsome lads. and they have gorgeous smiles, i am glad you are just enjoying spending time with them.

Halley on

The first time I tried to be intimate with someone post divorce was a year out, and I cried my eyes out! So embarrassing! Needless to say, that relationship didnt work out.

I do think its important to wait until you know someone is for real before they meet your kids, but I dont think it has to be six months. Because if they meet your kids, and everyone doesnt gel, you’ve wasted six months. And yes, you dont want a parade of men coming through, so its a hard balance.

My son met two men, a boyfriend, who ended up not working out, and my now husband. Do I wish he hadnt met the other guy? Eh. He was a good guy and they got along well. My son isnt scarred for life. Plus, now he has the most amazing bonus dad ever!

And it sounds like a horrible cliche, but love really does come when you least expect it. I just knew I would be single forever (and had made my peace and was fine with that) when I met my husband. We married five months after we started dating, years later here we all are :) Things work out just as they should.

RP on

I applaud you for writing this blog. There are many women, myself included, in this situation and are afraid of putting something so personal out there for the world to see. So thank you.

I am a single parent to a 7 yr old son, and I’ve been out of a relationship for approx 5 yrs, and it’s been hard to date. Let’s just say all my choices have not been good choices. I’ve made mistakes, but overall I’ve spent more time without a relationship because I don’t want my son to see different men around me and think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I hear all the time how attractive i am, and people can’t believe I’m not with someone. Those people fail to realize its a choice as to why I’m not in a relationship. I want it to be right.

On the other hand, I don’t really give men an opportunity to date me because I’m instantly thinking from hello “could I be with this person?”

I did date a man who I got along great with. We shared same values, etc. He was a divorced father of two. I was the guinea pig so to speak. Despite how he and I enjoyed each other, etc his kids didn’t approve of him being in a relationship with a single parent because they felt my child would get more attention than them as they felt my child would be around him more. So after that relationship I shut down because I felt if 2 people could be do drawn to each other on so many levels and still end up in heartbreak what chance was there for anything.

So I haven’t started dating because it’s like I don’t want to exert the energy to meet someone and it not work. BUT I know I have to date and can’t expect prince charming to just magically appear. So again thank you for the blog!

BBB on

That was an extremely well thought out blog post, great job. You made a lot of great points and definitely showed an emotionally healthy character.

anianhai on

keep strong, and i completely understand what you’re going through! You have a lovely bunch of boys!

Paige on

“You have to be what you want to attract”. That hit home. As a single mom for over 8 years, I too now see how important being emotionally stable is. If you date because you are lonely, you will wind up settling just to have the company. The important thing is being right with yourself. Complete with yourself. With that you can only be a better mom, companion and person all around. Thank you for your honesty and best of luck to you and your beautiful boys.

Danielle on

Garcelle,

Thank you for sharing your stories and feelings! It truly makes me stop and think about the choices I’ve made. I appreciate you for being raw and honest with what you are going through!

We as women all to often look to someone else to complete us and I’ve had to learn the hard way that that’s not what we need! Our faith, family and friends will give us the strength that we need to move through life!

I applaud you for your courage, commitment to yourself and your children; and I know you’ll find happiness in love…when it’s time!!

Prayers and love,

Danielle

umm... on

You can start by dressing appropriately (i.e., wear a bra).

Tanya on

All I have to say, is “you rock!” Thanks for your post!

smith on

You really have your head screwed on straight Garcelle.

I have never understood the anxious rush divorced people feel to couple up again. Slow down!! Enjoy life!! Make your kids your priority — they didn’t ask for this divorce….but now they have to live through your dating life too?

I’ve been divorced for almost 7 years and haven’t dated anyone steadily in over 2 years (yes I’m horny, but oh well)…and although I’m lonely at times….I’m so happy! I am becoming the best version of myself.

Anonymous on

J-Lo should read this article!

Laura on

Thank you for your honesty and encouraging words.

I am 39 and a single mother of 2 boys. My boys are my life! I just recently went through a divorce after 10 years of marriage. It’s tough.

Beth on

I think the comment by Pia Razon is the most ridiculous comment yet. That is what is wrong with our society -a lack of authenticity. People who believe they have to be fake to get what they want -yuck.

And those who wrote “wear a bra,” please don’t be jealous that you can’t pull off that same look, which I’M sure you can’t. 45 and she still looks this great? You could only wish. ;)

KD on

Love the blog..single mom here over 40…it’s not easy and I just ended a relationship knowing it wasn’t the right fit for a future together..I won’t settle and I’m okay being on my own…

Dee on

Garcelle,

I applaud your decision to think of your children first; you are a class act. Wishing you all the best!

Donna on

Garcelle, My husband died 3 years ago, leaving me with a 3 year old precious, beautiful, best thing that ever happened to me – little girl. Like you and your sons, my daughter is the most important thing to me. Now 6, she has asked me to find her another Daddy, because all her friends have Daddy’s and she doesn’t.

I am still at a place where I am not ready and I, too, feel such a sense of relief when I admit that. I have told her that it will take a very special man to replace her Daddy and until Mommy can find someone who loves her and treats her just as special as he did…..it will just be the two of us having fun and learning life together.

Leigh on

I just find Garcelle absolutely charming, and I think her boys are beautiful. I’ve really enjoyed reading her blogs, and it certainly helps ME.

Bolo Tie on

I love your blog. I’m 27 and don’t have kids. Your honesty, grace and openness are refreshing and I think every woman can relate.

Just My Opinion on

I am a single mom of 12 yrs old twins. After our twins were born, I decided to make the best choice for myself and my children. That was to end things with their father, enough was enough. I couldn’t take the lies anymore. It was best that I set a good example for my children, rather than dealing with his nonsense and putting my children through that as well. For me, I decided not to date until I’ve rasied my children. I’m so happy with my decision.

sheri on

Bravo! I was divorced 8 years ago and have been single by choice until a few months ago when I started dating. It was definitely the right thing for my kids and me. They are so supportive of me dating now. They are older than yours and my oldest calls all the time to see how “the hunt” is going or how a date went.

I took the time to just be mom and show them that they are the most important things in my life. In the process, I discovered exactly what I want and what I need, and I’m determined to not settle for anything less. A friend recently told me, “keep kissing those frogs…your prince is out there.”

Oh, and I learned my lesson about introducing my kids too soon. It’s hard to do when your kids are with you so much, but I’m determined to wait until that commitment is there…and NO sleepovers at my house.

Madeline on

Thank you so much for sharing your life. I have been a single parents since before my daughter was born (she is eight). Sometimes I feel like I am the only single mother in the world. Thank you for reminding me that I am not.

Anna on

Another great blog!

I’m dating a single father and we’ve been together for nearly 8 years. I have only spent the night at his place when his kids are with their mother. He feels that it would be disrespectful to them to have me spending the night in his bed while they are there and I agreed.

At first, I didn’t understand (I don’t have kids of my own yet) but I put myself in his kids’ shoes and thought about how I felt when my mother brought men around who stayed the night when my sibling and I didn’t even know them. It made me angry with her.

I have tons of respect for your choice to consider them and their feelings. I’m sure the right man will come along for you when the time is right.

Thank you for sharing!

Kassandra on

I enjoy reading blogs because u always start things off an a positive note. Although I am 22 with no children, I can still relate to this because I have had slightly similar situations as well as being betrayed and hurt by men. It is still hard for me to put my guards but I’m taking baby steps at time.

Amber on

Garcelle, I applaud you for being so honest about what you have been going through and how your sons impact your choices in life, especially when it comes to dating. I, too, am a single mother to a wonderful two-year-old son and have been since he was conceived.

It was very trying and I went through a deep depression because I felt like a failure not being able to provide my child with what I thought was a ‘narmal’ family. It took my about a year after he was born to wake up and realize that I really was better off without someone else in my life to worry about.

Being in a relationship requires time, love, respect and commitment. These were things that I didn’t have for myself for quite some time and it has been a long and sometimes lonely road but I am a much better person for it. I finally know that I don’t NEED someone but when the time is right and the person is right, I will WANT them in our life. I didn’t know the difference until my son and it is very powerful to know that.

I have been on 4 dates in the last four years so I’m still working on being open to dating but I no longer feel that I need to shy away from it either.

Thank you and good luck to you and your children, Garcelle. You are a strong woman and I am encouraged to know that the values I hold close are shared with someone else. :)

blessedwithboys on

Lovely, lovely, lovely!!! I loved every word of it & now I have tears in my eyes. Beautiful sentiments, and that last pic of you in the pic is absolutely gorgeous. :)

Mike on

As a single father, I can relate. Dating in 2012 is for the birds! Why cant the perfect woman just come along so i can get past this stage in life! LOL!

Kristina on

I just want to say, “Thank you” for your honest and candid blog entries. I’ve found your blog to be both encouraging and validating for a newly single mother. I also do not feel like entering back into the dating scene right away. It is very nice to see a healthier perspective concerning taking the time to heal ourselves and our families.

BeauTee on

Garcelle,
I am so happy when your blogs pop up on my computer. I started reading the books that helped you heal and I must say…Not bad at all. I am still in the healing process but am excited about things to come with my kids and I.

Monique,
I two am in the same situation. I married young and had 2 kids and after 5 years of dating a “friend” married again and had another baby (now 3). He decided that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. So here I am 34 and about to get divorced AGAIN. Its horrible but I believe God does everything for a reason. Keep your head up…I had to come to grips with another divorce and feeling like i failed my kids but I didn’t. I am all they have and in the end when its all said and done. I am enough.

So some encouraging words to all the people that have loved and lost for whatever reason… YOU ARE ENOUGH !!!

Leslie on

Best blogger on this site!

Garcelle, your openness and candor is so refreshing. You are gorgeous inside and out! Thank you for sharing your personal journey. It is healing to more people than you can imagine. Brava!

ebonyjo87 on

Garcelle,
Your honesty is refreshing ! Thanks for sharing. Seriously ur biggest fan :)

Mia on

I think her boys are adorable + I love how fascinating genetics are! One has blonde hair + one has brown hair + they are a mix of Caucasian + African genetics yet very light skinned. However, someone can be of the same genetic makeup and look completely different. I love it.

muchtime on

I enjoyed reading your blog and believe that if many single parents take some of your advice, there would be less kids hurt from relationships that end. You look great (bra/braless)!!! Keep it sexy!!

Leslie on

Garcelle, I would love to know more about what it’s like for you raising twins. How was your pregnancy and delivery compared to having a single? How did you find ways to cope afterward? Were you overwhelmed? Did you have help from other people?

Oh, and how did you get your amazing figure back? I’ve been googling what happens to your body with twins and would be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid! I just found out I’m having twins and can’t get enough info about it. I love reading other moms experiences!

Shay on

Garcelle, THANK YOU so much for being so vulnerable and open about your life, your struggles and your feelings. We don’t deserve it, it’s your life but thank you. Your words will help someone out there.

I too am a newly 38 years young newly single mom for 2 years now due to his betrayal. It was and still is the worst and most life changing challenge I never thought I would face after giving someone 15 years of my life. My children are a little older now, 13 and 11, and on weekends when they are with their dad and I am home alone, I still have emotional break downs.

I have tried meeting people, I’ve done everything there is to do and I get so tired of people who have never walked in my shoes to try and tell me how to think and to feel and what to do. They know nothing of my life or how it is to be me. I would love to share the good moments of my life with someone. People are delusional in thinking that just because you are mother, it means you should want no other relationship outside of your children. That your children should full fill all of your needs. It’s ridiculous!

Friends and family and children are great, but you cannot share an intimate relationship with them in the same way as the opposite sex. I’m ready for someone to share my life with someone and I hope God doesn’t want me to be alone forever.

Lucretia on

Hi Garcelle. I just want you to know what an impression you are. I respect you so much for being so strong. I too just got divorced. I was in an emotionally, verbally, and later on physically abusive relationship. I didn’t know my own strength until I was pushed to my limit. I don’t have kids, but I DEFINITELY want them, but with the RIGHT man. And what you said is SO true, ” I want to attract an emotionally healthy person, and I now know you have to be what you want to attract.” By healing, that’s what we all do. Thank you so much for your inspiring words, and giving all us good strong women hope!

Sarkofakgg on

Lovely thoughts! Sometimes when I’m really overwhelmed I think in even smaller terms than a fresh start tomorrow…like “Lord, I’m going to breath really deep and then start over…with your help.”

Gina on

Try dating a black man for a change..

Terri on

She can date whatever color of man she chooses.

Michele on

Garcelle,

I am a fan of you work and I am extremely proud of your growth during these hardships you have experienced. I too am divorced. My ex-spouse was unfaithful and a host of other negative things. But I had to heal and accept responsibility for my acceptance of his flaws. I married this man knowing these flaws and overlooking them believing I could change another person. I take responsibility for my actions and I am working on healing.

We have 2 children that we share custody and I put my children first as I search for love. I want to be re-married but I want a mature man with faults to share our lives together. Good luck and keep blogging!

imani on

You should be content with the most beautiful thing that came out of your marriage and that is your boys. He gave you beautiful children and that is all that matters. I have three sons and i gave up any dating over 15 years ago. I am divorced and recently their father died. I never even thought of dating anyone until my children became young adults, and i still have not dated anyone. My boys are my greatest gifts.They are 25, 24, and 21. They are gorgeous, smart, and i am so blessed to be their mother. I divorced their father when the youngest was about two years old, and have not sought out a partner. So since your kids are still small give up on the dating scene and just enjoy the children that you have. You have two little men of your own in your life. Enjoy your kids while you still can. Most men do not want a ready made family especially during this recession. If your kids were grown and self sufficient that would be different. They need all of you because their dad is gone. At this point you have to be both mom and dad on a daily basis. Most men cheat and so do many women, I would move on from that. He is not fighting you for custody and is probably paying child support and that is great. Just enjoy your kids. Dating is not important until they are grown and on their own.

Tisha on

Garcelle, I pray that the Lord sends you the most wonderful man someday…but for now you have 3 wonderful men in your life, your beautiful sons….God Bless you…sending you love your way, Tish

Nicole on

I loved this article,you are so open and seem so wise!

Gina on

Well, to begin with, she is not pretty. Good luck!

Toria on

I’m 49 and childless by choice. I stumbled upon your blog and just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading it. I wish you much success both as an actress and single mother. Here’s hoping someday your ex gets what he deserves because you sound like one beautiful and special lady! God bless!

pee on

I agreed with you about putting your children first and not introducing them too soon to a man until you are sure of where the relationship is heading. You are a true West Indian ..

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