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Anne Heche’s Blog: The Mommy Wars

08/28/2012 at 08:00 PM ET

Please give a warm welcome to our newest celebrity blogger, Anne Heche!

Best known for her roles on Men in Trees and Hung, the actress, 43, also appeared in Return to Paradise, Six Days Seven Nights, Donnie Brasco and Wag the Dog.

She’ll next star in That’s What She Said, out Sept. 28, as well as NBC’s fall comedy Save Me, and recently launched Tickle Time, a line of mineral powder sunblock for kids.

Heche is “forever engaged” to James Tupper and is mom to two sons: Atlas, 3, and Homer, 10.

She can be found on Facebook as well as Twitter @AnneHeche.

Homer and me – James Tupper


It’s summer time. That means summer vacation. The kids are thrilled to be out of school, the parents are tormented about how to entertain them.

James and I just finished a movie together in Louisiana (Nothing to Fear — A SLASHER FILM. Yes, produced by that Slash.) It finished shooting three weeks before school got out. We took Homer and Atlas down with us and stayed in a beautiful spot right on Lake Pontchartrain in Mandeville, so we figured we had had our “traveling vacation” and decided to do a “stay-cation” instead!

To us parents this was ideal, indeed. We didn’t need to pay for air travel, nightly dinners, or fancy hotels. But home or NOT home, the question still remains: “What were we to do with these children, every day, for seven days a week and every night for seven nights…?”

While bicycling in our neighborhood one spring day, James and I happened upon a gorgeous public building hidden among ivy and sycamore trees on a side street. After we rang the bell, we got invited inside, and found ourselves in an historic tennis club. A TENNIS CLUB. Wow.

It was gorgeous, a stunning building from the ’20s kept in pristine condition. Black and white pictures of old-time famous tennis players framed on the walls, antique carpets and the scent of freshly popped cans of tennis balls. “People here play tennis. A lot of it. They call it social but some take it pretty serious,” the nice man that greeted us said.

James and I nodded as if we too played tennis, but the honest answer, was that we did NOT. We really, really LIKED tennis. We saw it on TV. When we were young we picked up a couple of rackets a couple of times each summer and commented about how fun it would be to learn to PLAY tennis.

“We’d love to join,” we said bobbing our heads, “serious” about one thing: giving our children opportunities that we never enjoyed. We felt so lucky and blessed that we could give Atlas and Homer a chance to learn tennis at such a young age. It felt like the gift for a lifetime! “Our kids will grow up playing tennis, it’ll be perfect!” we thought.

On the court – James Tupper

Cut to: “No way! I don’t WANT to play tennis. I HATE tennis.”

Homer was declaring WAR over tennis camp. Yes, tennis CAMP. Mom and Dad’s “solution” was to have him play for three hours in the morning, have lunch with his friends, then have the option of swimming or playing games for a couple of hours before pick up. In other words – HELL!

“I am NOT playing tennis. This is NOT how I intend to spend my summer, you should CONSULT me before making these kind of decisions about my life,” he told us. “No. Period. I’m not going.”

I mockingly replied, “I’m sorry, Mummy. I don’t want to play tennis at the tennis club for summer break!” (Yes, I was speaking like a bratty English school girl with a fake, whiney accent…)

“I want to sit around and DO NOTHING all summer, I deserve it, don’t I Mummy? I want to do nothing while you and James work to provide me special privileges that I can deny! Can’t I do that, Mummy? Can’t I, PLEA-SZE? (beat.) Mummy?”

This was HORRIBLE mommy behavior, I know. I watched as his eyes welled with tears. I believed I had made some sort of impact, but it was unpleasant for everyone witnessing it to be sure. Even the dogs and the cat seemed to be crying.

I did what I always do when I’m completely embarrassed by my behavior; I looked to James for approval. He kind of nodded sideways and shrugged his hands, like, “Well, it wasn’t the BEST you could have done, but it wasn’t the WORST.” God. I hate that. Why can’t I just be right once in awhile? Just completely RIGHT?

I had hurt my son’s feelings and now I wanted to cry too. But instead I forged forth. “I would like you to give it a try,” I said in my attempted normal voice. “We will take you tomorrow at 9 a.m. for a half day. If you really hate it, we will try to find other things for you to do. Who knows, you might like it.” Homer sulked. James nodded, “Much better.”

CUT TO: Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Oh no. Monday morning. The club was calling. It was only 11:30 a.m. Down deep, I knew this would happen. “Homer…?” There was silence. “Are you okay?” I heard him kind of stammer and catch his breath. “Do we have something interesting planned for the afternoon?” I was pretty sure I knew where this was going. “Or can I stay till three?”

I nearly choked. “Ummm…” I said, pretending to be all casual. He cut me off. “You were right, Mom,” he said. “I’ll eat my words on this one. I had a great day. I think I really like tennis. I’ll see you at 3, okay?”

Three weeks later, Homer has won the award for most improved player in camp and has been asked by the best novice player at the club to be his doubles partner in a league circuit for kids. Am I proud? You have no idea.

It’s what we want for our kids. A hope — a satisfaction that when we work, we can provide for them anything that gives them a good feeling about themselves. That’s it. The mom wars. The good, the bad, the ugly. The future.

It’s all about them. And what I learned this summer is if you really are reaching out to them, for them, they will come to embrace it. Ahhh, love.

With my boys – James Tupper

– Anne Heche

More from Anne on PEOPLE.com:

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Showing 48 comments

Alissa on

Glad all is going well with Anne and her boys. I am excited to try the sunblock…looks simple and easy.

Sam on

Homer is a handsome boy…what a cutie. I hope you left out the part of your blog where you apologized to your little boy, and explained that sometimes even a mommy makes a mistake. Providing for them emotionally, summer or winter, is essential. :)

essie on

anne’s blog and virtual presence on this site cheapens it immensely. she is a has been and i wish this site would keep D rated celebs off….she is looking to keep her sad career in the public eye as long as possible with a blog about how to parent well. ugh!

Amy on

Hey, I’m from Mandeville. So glad to see Anne and her family very happy and thriving.

Sky on

I LOVE this. Thanks for sharing, Anne, I look forward to reading more about your beautiful family!

meghan on

You must be desperate for bloggers.

Kat on

She admits it was awful mother behavior to mock her child, yet seems to express the ends justify the means? Her son is 10, old enough to be consulted about summer camp choices, so he isn’t really that wrong to be a bit upset.

I am a bit sad for her son that there was not more compromise, it seems like a bad lesson to teach your child. Disagree and mom will make fun of you. I agree that you child isn’t supposed to always get their way, but treat it more a chance to try something new instead of an expectation of gratitude.

Michelle on

“It’s what we want for our kids. A hope — a satisfaction that when we work, we can provide for them anything that gives them a good feeling about themselves. That’s it. The mom wars. The good, the bad, the ugly.”

Aww.

Parenting is rarely easy and never perfect, and I think Anne’s blog reflects this. Let’s not be too quick to judge!

Michelle on

Wonderful blog. Anne is a breath of fresh air!

Michelle on

What cute kids and what a great idea for the sunblock. My son hates putting it on.

Michelle on

Such a sweet story!! I wish I had that sunblock when I was a kid growing up on the beach. Nothing is worse than sunblock getting rubbed in by sandy hands… ah the old days!

Michelle on

What a cute idea! Excited to try it.

Leslie on

That was an honest and funny blog with a nice ending! I don’t think there was anything wrong with Anne’s response to her son and there was nothing to apologize about… My parents signed me up for summer sports each year and I enjoyed it even though I might have complained at first because I’d rather hang out doing nothing. Ten years old is still young and you don’t need to consult with them on every life decision.

cn tower on

essie – your comment is amusing and off-base. I won’t comment on where Anne falls on the celebrity status totem pole, but when was the last time you saw a blog by an A-lister? Angelina Jolie? Nope. Halle Berry? Nope. Gwen Stefani? Nope. I’ll stop there.

EllenDegenerate on

Is it me or does her son look like Ellen?

devon on

Great blog! It was real and everyone makes mistakes. Parents are not perfect….and I am glad Anne was brave enough to keep it real!

As for the D list comment…how many movies have u made?

Kat on

Yeah but we have to look out for those aliens ha ha

Bridget on

I really enjoyed reading her blog. The picture with them on the couch is just beautiful. I hope to read more from her soon.

Marky on

Wonder why Homer isn’t spending the summer with his father? Seems as if she decided she was done with him, so she took their child and pretends James is his father. I pay little attention to Anne Heche anymore, but I remember when they divorced, and it seemed she thought her was a good dad until she was ready to leave, then she acted as if he were a sperm donor. I always think that is so unfair to the child and to the father. “Forever engaged”? What does that even mean?

meghan on

Marky, it means she is a flake.

LAURA on

She’s forever engaged because her actor/fiancee is still married to his wife:) He was still married when she hooked up with him and as far as I remember,he still is!

Sam on

She sure should have apologized to her child. She was sarcastic and mean spirited. She even admitted it was wrong in her blog…but did she admit it to her boy??

Kelly on

The fact that this woman has been given a blog makes me sick to my stomach. She is a user who has repeatedly hurt others with her strange behavior and infidelities. She is a horrible role model, and the poster child for mental dysfunction!

Kat on

Where is the note about the sunblock? I don’t see it in this blog entry and everyone seems very excited about it.

Maggie on

Kat, it’s in the blog introduction about what she’s working on. You’ll notice it is just the same person posting over and over in the comments, probably someone from her team.

The Good Parent on

I’m going to defend Anne. There was nothing wrong with what she did, Her son was being ungrateful, she chose to highlight his behaviour by playing out a scene for him. She didn’t beat him, she didn’t call him stupid and she wasn’t malicious. He got her point and only cried because he knew he wasn’t going to get his way.

It irks me that the consensus is that ‘good parenting’ demands that you apologize if your kid cries because of something you do. Newsflash, kids use tears to manipulate.

momofthree on

Don’t feel bad about showing kids how they look when they whine….I’ve done it and it sends the message to my girls quickly that it looks really really unattractive…glad he ended up Liking it :-)

Lillith on

That’s cute, I enjoyed that. I think she writes well. I like Anne. Always have.

Margie on

Love this blog. She is so down to earth. I wish all celebs could be like this.

Di on

glad she finally is sticking to men

Dianne on

Good for you Anne, sometimes when kids are acting like spoiled brats, they need to see how they are acting. That’s not bad parenting, I probably would have done same thing :)

Aimee on

So her solution for summer activities with children is to send them to an all day tennis camp? Wow. Awesome quality time with the kids. 😒

Alysa on

AWESOME and so refreshing!!! to the naysayers it is better to keep your kids PHYSICALLY active than to allow them to be babysat by a tv or a video game. I am sure they realize a lot of quality time together, this coming accross greatly to me. As to her being a d lister that is absolutely insulting to every woman who has put her children before her career. Brilliantly written Anne. More!!!!

lou on

loved Anne & James in Men In Trees, ABC was dumb to cancel it!

sam on

Saying sorry, for whatever her reason was for mocking (acting out a roll, what roll was that…..a bully???!) her son, he deserves an apology. Those you you (few) that can’t understand that are exactly the same as Anne…a bully of the worst kind. Shame on you too, for thinking it’s ‘ok’ and for ‘probably doing the same thing’. Congratulations. I also agree with Aimee’s post!!

Rita Mildon on

Ever heard the saying “you can please some of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”. Some of these comments are just plain vicious and the people making them are only showing their true character.

As for myself, I thought the post was right on. Having raised 3 children myself I can relate to what she was saying. She appears to be a very loving mother from what I can see. I found the photo with her children to be both beautiful and moving.

Katie on

The phrases she attributes to her ten year old son do not sound like a ten year old child would say them. This blog reads like someone is trying to blog without being honest.

She was/is seriously mentally disturbed.

Linda on

what a beautiful family.

Daria on

Even if you think that how she highlighted to her son his moment of childish/ungrateful behaviour constitutes “bad parenting”, EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US have had a moment that someone else thinks was “bad parenting”. Like all of us reading, she is just trying to do her best. I have yet to meet a person who consciously decides to parent poorly. We ALL have opinions about how other people parent, and need to learn to keep them to ourselves.

Dona Brooks on

I love her! She is a beautiful person…inside and out. I do not believe a 10-year-old child should speak to his parents that way, especially his mother. She did all the right things. If I were the daughter of someone who could afford it, I would love for them to plan great stuff like that for me. My granddaughters would have been thrilled. Kids get bored during the summer. Good parenting is not easy, Anne. I look forward to seeing more from you. Thanks! Dona

librababe on

I know she’s controversial, but I liked her blog. It seemed “real.” As a child, I don’t think I wanted to go to the various activities my mom forced me into — including tennis camp — but I’m happy I had those experiences!

Yeah she shouldn’t have mocked her son like that, but get over it…I’m sure Homer has. Not everyone is perfect all the time. I’m a sensitive person myself but some of these oversensitive comments are making me roll my eyes!

JP on

Anne, when you are “forever engaged” is that similar to when you got married to you’re sobs father and no doubt “forever” promised him.

My son is 5, he knows when he is enrolled in an activity he has to see it through, what lesson are you teaching Homer when you tell him he can quit after 1 day if he really hates it. My husband and I work hard to pay for our sons activities, our rule is you have to see it through to the end, then if he wants to keep on with it he can or he can try something new.

Tracy on

Anne has been around along time. I guess if you don’t like her then don’t read her blog and then put her down for every little thing she says. It must be nice in your perfect world to judge others and be critical. Maybe you all need a hobby. I found her story refreshing and she handled it in HER OWN way. The outcome was introducing her son to something new, and the fact that he liked it, even better.

Norah on

Disturbing, on many levels…

Berenda Macias on

I loved Anne’s blog. I found it refreshing that someone who is a celebrity has the same problem’s that all us mom’s face, and can make mistakes like everyone else. Keep up the good work Anne no mother is perfect, and in the end your son gave it a try and liked it. Next time something like that comes up it will probably be handled differently , because that’s what all us moms due is keep trying to figure it out.

m on

Did she forget that she’s gay or did her new person have more money then ellen?

JJ on

I too was skeptical about Anne, so I read this. It made me like her more.

reagan on

As parents, we fail in how we deal with our kids sometimes. And to put our failures out there for public consumption is… brave.

Sure, we all want to model perfect behavior for our kids, but reality is that it doesn’t happen that way. Apologizing for our mistakes changing our actions and coming to a reasonable solution is some of the best behavior you could model for your kids. The fact that she owned it, changed her tactics and dealt better with her son shows maturity and reason.

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