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Nia Long: Marriage Is Not My Priority

07/03/2012 at 04:00 PM ET
Courtesy Essence

She may be all about the baby carriages, but Nia Long isn’t ready for marriage — and the actress is making no apologies.

Already mom to 10-year-old son Massai, Long and her boyfriend Ime Udoka recently welcomed their first child together — 8-month-old son Kez Sunday — but the proud parents aren’t looking to rush down the aisle any time soon.

“Marriage is not a priority for me. I’m not saying I’ll never do it; It’s just not where we are as a family,” the Mooz-lum star, 41, reveals in the August issue of Essence.

However, although confident in her choices, Long isn’t oblivious to the constant scrutiny from being in the public eye.

“I’ll be at home with my man, having a perfectly loving time, and I’ll see all these comments on some site about how wrong I am for not being married,” she says. “I don’t feel less loved or less loving because I’m not married.”

Admitting she has “never seen a marriage work,” Long is instead focused on finally having reached “emotional maturity” — from her life with Udoka to her relationship with Massai’s father.

“Massai’s dad and I have had the most challenging times, and I wasn’t always sure we wouldn’t end like my mother and father,” she says. “But we’ve arrived at a place where I can truly say he’s not a baby daddy, he’s my friend, finally. He is an amazing father.”

The mom-of-two has also recently reconciled with her own father; For Long, the growing bond between father and daughter has allowed her to reevaluate and evolve in her personal life.

Courtesy Essence

“I’m a lot calmer. Less clingy and demanding. When Ime has to be gone for long stretches at a time, as he had to the first few months after Kez was born, I took it as an opportunity to nest,” she explains.

“It had been a minute since I had an infant and I had to get back into the rhythm of being a new mom. I really enjoyed having the space to do that at my own pace.”

Completely content with her family of four, everything in Long’s life is very much wanted — and perfectly planned.

“Motherhood is not easy, but it’s natural,” she says. “I worked hard to have the career I wanted, but I’ve also been deliberate about my personal life. None of this is a mistake.”

– Anya Leon

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Showing 183 comments

Indira on

love her but, he is a baby daddy. Theres no rule that a baby daddy has to be a deadbeat or you can’t be with a baby daddy. She has two baby daddys.

J-Lin on

Wow! She looks amazing for 41! Heck she would look just as amazing for 21 or 31. Beautiful family.

Sasha on

LOL! The 1% do not use such terms!

Tee Tee on

I will freely admit that I don’t understand or agree with Nia’s mindset on marriage. But one of the beauties of America is that not everyone has to agree. So that having been said, she most certainly does have a beautiful family!

cc on

Beautiful woman and kids. I am so glad she is living her life for what makes them happy and not what makes the world happy. Some people dont understand the hurt feelings when you are a child and your mom and dad are not living under the same roof any more and you dont understand why. I know how this feels and I was not a child when it happened.

Shannon on

She is gorgeous and never ages. Her boys are handsome.

Ms. Long is old enough to know what she wants but it seems as if she doesn’t really know what it’s like to have a two-parent family. Too bad.

JMO on

Well I don’t personally disagree with her ideas of marriage. I too have not seen many marriages work. Even one’s where couples were married 25+ years I’ve seen end in bitter divorces. That certainly doesn’t mean I wouldn’t get married. But I def am aware that I don’t have to go about having a marriage to start a familiy with someone.

Let’s face it there is no bigger committment then having a child. But I would suggest that you are wise about who you have children with! Because even if your not tied to each other by a ring you are certainly tied to each other by a child (for life)!

Cortney on

That baby is gorgeous!!

Anonymous on

Indira- There’s also no one definition of “baby daddy”. It’s one of those terms that everyone tends to have a slightly different take on.

Anyway, I don’t agree with Nia’s choices, but I applaud and respect her for being honest!

Fabulous on

Gorgeous Family!!!!! Those are some handsome handsome boys she has!!!!! Do You Nia!!! MARRIAGE does not define FAMILY OR LOVE!!!!

megan on

““I’ll be at home with my man, having a perfectly loving time, and I’ll see all these comments on some site about how wrong I am for not being married,”

If she’s having family time with her partner and enjoying it, why does she stop in the middle of it to check what people are saying online ? That just seems vain + not fair to her partner and kids when they’re expecting quality time together.

Missy on

I understand what Nia is saying. I was very hesitant to get married because I didn’t grow up around good marriages. My parents were married until the day my dad died, but it was not a happy marriage. I had no marital role models. Everyone stayed together because that’s just what you were supposed to do.

meghan on

Megan, for the same reason you’re here on this site.

Amber on

If she said she just dosent want to be married ever i think i could take it better but saying that your just not there as a family is weird because you’ve popped out a kid and hes apart of you older son’s life how are you not ready as a family unless there’s trouble in paradise… I like her and i would want to see her married.

lovely123 on

It is nice to finally see someone on their next stage of their life with their new baby that includes their first born too. Remember Tom Cruise or John Travolta’s new baby. Nothing of their previous kids in the magazine pictures.

JM on

i hate seeing so many judgemental people on this site so often. i have never understood why some people take other people’s marriage so personally. it’s nothing to do with you! this goes for gay marriage and for people who are not married.

are there really grown men and women in this world who believe that a relationship is somehow more valid or more meaningful just because you have a document calling you husband and wife? are you really that insecure about your own relationship that you feel that if you didn’t have that or if two other people don’t have that, that the relationship means less?

i would feel pretty sad if that was my view on marriage. i know mine and my husband’s relationship is strong because we love each other, we try to please each other and we work hard at mainting our happiness. our marriage document doesn’t make me feel secure about our relationship, our relationship does.

i know plenty of people who have been together happily for years and are not married, others who are married and are just sticking it out and clearly not happy, and vice versa.

stop and think for a moment if someone else’s relationship is really any of your business, and then stop criticising others for not doing exactly what you have decided to do in life.

Hearts4mike on

I think living in the “Americas” where there is FREEDOM of CHOICE, she’s doin what she feels is good for her. Marriage is a piece of paper. If you are living together, being a family…. these days, who cares!!! Kids are happy and healthy, mama is happy….WHO SHOULD CARE if she gets married or not. Living together is like being married anyway… just not on paper, big deal. Koodo’s to Nia!

Bridgette on

Based on her comments, I don’t think it’s Nia’s choice to not be married. Sounds like it’s her boyfriend’s lack of commitment that is keeping them from marriage.

Me on

I am really started to not like this site just based off the ignorant comments some of you people leave.

“Baby Daddy” -Indira. @Indira: What makes someone a baby daddy? Is it someone who is not living in the same home as the children and the mother? Is it someone who is a father on paper, meaning only pays for the child but doesn’t spend anytime with them? Or is it someone who had a relationship with a women and they mutually decided that it would be better to raise their children together but live in separate homes for the sake of their children?

I was raised in a household without my mother and have never considered her a “Baby Momma”. I have 2 children a 6 year old and a 6 month old. One by my ex-fiance and another my by current boyfriend and I have never and will never tolerate anybody calling them my “Babies Daddies”. They are the father of my children.

And before anybody stereotypes them or categorizes them into being represented by my “bad” decision to have children out of wedlock, they should go back in their family tree and see how many “Babies Daddies” are in their family.

What does it matter if a piece of paper says that you are married? If she and her partner are happy and her kids are happy and healthy, then I wish them all the blessings in the world. Because all it takes is love, good health and happiness to survive. Marriage is a privilege not a necessity.

MelT on

72% of Black children are born to unwed mothers. The balance of life is to provide stability. The lack of stability with Black children is largely due to broke homes – which lead to broken communities – which lead to a broken race.

Kiki on

I actually feel sorry for her. I’m glad i was taught I am worth the commitment and that a guy should value me enough to say “okay, you and me forever, we can make this work.”

It’s just a sad mindset that too many women have that marriage isn’t important because the guy won’t stay anyway.

Laila on

Why should marriage be her priority? That’s where a lot of women have it screwed up. Your piece of mind and happiness should be the priority. Look at all the divorces from those with “fairytale” weddings…

Diana Hinds on

wel said nia u look beautiful with ur boys congrate,it ur choice and i respect u, so i believe other should. I love ur work as and actress :)

Gigi on

To each his own, but I have never regretted one second of my 20 year marriage and giving my two sons a stable home life with two parents who love and respect one another and are committed for the long haul.

Leslie on

It may not matter to her, but it matters to children.

NM on

If it’s not a priority now, at 41, it never will be!

robin peryea on

god says it in his word so if he commands it than we should get married if you do not want to get married then do not spread your legs and invite trouble god is your judge at the end but he hates sex outside of marriage we should really read the word of god thanks robin

Gee on

@Gigi Providing a stable home and having two parents who love/respect each other and committed to raising the children they have together is not exclusive to marriage. Many individuals who are no longer together due to a breakup or divorce are doing/have done the same. Marriage does not equal stability, either. If the end result is the same–creating an environment that raises children to be respectful, loving, feel loved, and committed to being great individuals, that is all that is important IMHO.

Kasee on

As much as I think one should be married before having children, I give her credit for a few things. First, at least she and her child’s father are together and the baby isn’t a result of a “brief relationship” (i.e., one night stand, like some other celebrities recently have gone through) and also because she doesn’t treat marriage like it’s disposable. I have much more respect for someone who doesn’t enter into such a promise rather than someone who does and breaks it 72 days later.

Moya on

So sad where family and marriage has come to. Where you can have multiple babies with multiple men. She has bastard children and doesn’t care to honor her children with marriage. No honor for the father or mother given, just the birth of randomness. This is a disgrace for society in general.

Chula on

I don’t know why stars feel that they need to justify or comment on their choices. If that’s a choice you’ve made and you’re secure within your heart and decision then why should it matter if someone doesn’t agree with it? In life there is always going to be someone that doesn’t agree with your choices but it’s YOUR choice so really there isn’t a need to comment or address it. That being said I want to be someones wife not the mother of their child it would bother me and I don’t know if it would necessarily be a priority but it sure would be on my list of things to do! Congrats Nia they’re beautiful boys.

Mia on

I just don’t get it…..why have kids with somebody that you don’t want to be committed to in the long haul and get married? I would never have kids with somebody if I wasn’t married to them.

It’s the people in a relationship that make it work – anybody can have kids – it really isn’t anything special to have a child with somebody and have that be your symbol of commitment….but getting married shows a sense of maturity, commitment and respect inside a relationship.

Clearly she hasn’t found the right person yet.

guest123 on

Marriage, at this point if she ever choose to do it, would be nothing but a piece of paper. She is actually doing things right in terms of emotional maturity, respect and going beyond some smancy ring when it comes to dealing with love. She’s actually invested in life… Bravo Nia!

Cassie on

Yes, to all of those stating “marriage is just a piece of paper” you are so wrong. It just goes to show how little you know about something you’ve never done.

As someone said it’s easy to accidentally get pregnant, but not so easy to just accidentally get married. Marriage DOES mean commitment, period.

DaisyMoon on

First…whatever fountain-of-youth this woman is drinking from…I want some!!!

Second…if someone wants to get married, they should get married…if they don’t want to, then they shouldn’t.
It’s really that simple…

Do what works for you and yours, period.

Kizz on

Gorgeous!!!

Lisa on

If you cant commit to marriage, do society a favor and commit to birth control.

Lisha on

Nia Long is gorgeous. And while I wish her family every happiness, I wish she would get married. It seems like marriage doesnt exist at all in our community anymore. Black children just arent exposed to married parents, and I think it leads to a whole host of other issues. Its disappointing that we dont expect more from ourselves.

Lilly on

To each his own, folks!

Karyn on

@MelT, according to the 2010 census there are a little over 15 million female unmarried heads of households. Of those, a little over 8 million have children and of those about 4.5 million are white and 2.5 million are black. With the total of all black households being slightly over 14 million, not sure where your getting 74%. With these numbers approximately 18% of black children are raised by single mothers.

Cdyana on

Gorgeous pic of Nia and her boys. Kudos to her!!

That “piece of paper” does not guarantee happiness. There are plenty of women out there who get married and are miserable. *Tom & Katie (hint, hint)*

Nia has it right, you need to be happy and secure in your life first.

I also believe just because you have a child with someone do not mean you need to marry them. If you can remain amicable with each other then both of you can still raise a good, decent child.

Sandy on

“that’s not where we are at as a family right now”

I’m sure if he asked her she’d say yes!!! Sounds to me like
she just has not been asked and that’s sad. All these women putting out before making these men marry them. what a sad situation for the kids!!!!

Sandy on

I feel sorry for her- she has kids with men but they won’t marry her! Seems she should hold off with putting out until she’s married or she’s gonna have many kids from different men. I would hate having a different dad for all my kids! I feel sorry for her and the kids. The need a real dad- not a boyfriend.

Me on

@ robin peryea: I cannot stand when people like you throw the “spread your legs” comment when being judgmental of unmarried women who choose to have sex. IF you are married, you “spread your legs” to have sex with your husband. You do it when you want a nice Christmas gift, a new car, a new dress, a diamond, a vacation, etc. You “spread your legs” to your husband, even when you don’t want to, because you don’t want him to go to someone else.

Nia Long is a successful actress who can take care of her family. She is a productive member of society and is not relying on your tax dollars to take care of her family. Get off your high horse.

Nadia on

Marriage doesn’t guarantee anybody anything. Good for her for not conforming to society’s idea of what she “should” do.

Heidi & Seal
Sandra & Jessie
Tom & Katie
The Gores
Peter Faccianelli & Jennie Garth
8 “nobody” couples that are my friends.

To those that think Nia is SOOOOO wrong for not being married…it’s one thing to believe in marriage, but don’t exalt it like it is unbreakable and makes you invincible That’s bull.

Marriage just makes it more expensive to call off a relationship.

Love is Grand. Divorce is 100 grand.

Jade on

I didn’t even recognize her…

showbizmom on

To those that think it’s him that won’t marry her, did you ever once stop to think, she won’t marry him? My now husband asked and talked about marriage to the point of annoyance. I just wasn’t ready nor did I feel the need for it at the time. We talked about it though, and when I was ready we did it. No big deal.

News flash,not all women think alike, sounds like she doesn’t feel the need or want marriage right now, not the other way around. We shouldn’t think that her feeling on marriage are because her boyfriend doesn’t think she’s ‘worthy’ of the commitment. That’s ridiculous! It’s 2012, I love my husband, but he really doesn’t have power over my thought process and vice versa.

Glenda on

My parents have been married for 48 years. I am black and have chosen not to marry the father of my daughter. Get over it because it is none of your business and all about my choice.

Kimberly Fowler on

I love Nia Long and girl make sure that YOU do YOU because YOU have to sit there and answer YOU! You are an amazing woman and you know how people want to control and talk about what you should do and not. Please do not fall into the traps of human beings opinions!

neil bowman on

I do not agree with her decision but I am so very happy that she is happy. I have always liked Nia Long movies and always thought she was a very beautiful woman. I pray her thoughts on marriage will change. I pray that she read from the bible and get a real understanding on marriage. Marriage is a wonderful union.

Linda on

I feel what Ms. Long is saying but has she thought about the bibles take on the life she chooses to live.

DEE on

Didn’t we hear the same statements from Halle Berry…after having her baby by baby daddy, Gabriel…such stupid women.

Young and Restless on

Holy cow! You look just like you did back in the soap days. You are a very bright,beautifile womqn and dont ever let anybody tell you what to do. You look AWESOME don’t ever change a thing about yourself. All the best pretty girl. PS the kids are gorge also.

Anonymous on

I love Nia but I disagree with her on marriage. If they are living together and have a child together why not get married? I mean she has two baby daddies? Stop it get married. I am sure you would not want your sons to just be baby daddies and not marry the women they are with right? Stop setting a bad example you are settling point blank. If he does not want to marry you tell him to kick rocks! Someone else will love you and honor you and your boys and will want to make you his wife!

DEE on

Why buy the women, kids…when you can have it for free…what an idiot.

Myha on

Shameful – she’s setting a bad example for her children. The black community if full of single mothers with baby-daddies. She’s basically saying it’s ok to have kids without being married. And we wonder why the black community is falling apart, uneducated, and in a victim mentality. Shameful!!

KL on

Not ready for marriage but ready for children? Hmm….to each his own I guess. Good luck to her and her children…

Bo Willie on

I love Nia Long as an actress, so I’m happy that she is happy. The comment I am about to make is not directed at her, but it is something I wonder about in general:

People are so quick to quote the Bible and remind everyone of what God wants humans to do, but at the same time, those same people are picking and choosing the rules of the Bible they want to obey. We are all hypocrites. No one follows the Bible 100%.

This being said, I ask some of you…why is it bad for someone else to have premarital sex, be unmarried, and decide to have a baby. I’m pretty sure you’ve had premarital sex, you just go LUCKY and didn’t get pregnant.

Farrah on

This woman has redefined herself in terms of what living loving and being happy represents for her..and that is beyond wonderful so many of us do not have the courage or the determination to remotely come close to examining our lives and stepping outside of that proverbial box. How many of us have really educated ourselves on the history of marriage, from where its derived and the origin of its true meaning? You will be suprised what you discover. Go head Nia, Do the damn thang!

Farrah on

I most certainly disagree with Miss Long’s mindset on marriage. This isn’t what the Lord intended.

G on

I agree with most of you about marriage. Why have children if you don’t want to get married. The purpose of marriage is to procreate. As a society, we have gotten away from that. In the African American community, marriage is not a priority. All you see is single mothers with a gang of children who grow up to resent their life and themselves by shooting one another. It is really sad. As a married African American female, being with your spouse does create stability. As my husband stated, men who don’t commit are not men.

kayG on

Being married is the structure of the family in every religion… not just Christianity. there is a reason for that… what needs to happen is more teaching, coaching on how marriage works….

It will be a failure in today’s society because there is no religion behind it…

The world teaches us everything in college but about marriage and the family…

and they can’t, because it was a God even covenant, and unless you understand that covenant it will never work.

And these people believe that they can go about just having children out of wedlock and think it is ok.. it is not ok…

NO matter what she says if that man propose to her she’ll answer yes without a doubt, and happy as ever….that he ask….

vindeep13 on

This is very timely with the marriage right debates and supports my sentiments regarding the fact that although we are all conceived and born in the same manner; so many have experienced and witnessed failures with the traditional relationships and marriage, that they no longer feel that it is worthwhile or are more selective/reluctant or pursue non-traditional unions.

Tewilda on

Hello Nia, I really hope you read this comment. You said “But we’ve arrived at a place where I can truly say he’s not a baby daddy” Well actually that’s all he his if your not married to him. He has no reason to stay with you without the commitment of marrairge. Are you not sure he’s the one? Are you basing you life on other people marriages?I am a 40 year old woman happyly married for 21 1/2 years. Most likly if he had child with without marrairge he doesnt care to much for you or your child. It’s all about the sex, that doesn’t last long. It’s never going to work this way.

Letitia on

This story is a bunch of crap. Most women over 35 who have had a child out of wedlock desire marriage. Sounds like her second “baby’s daddy” does not want to marry her.

Toni on

I think some people here are forgetting about the most important thing: the kids. Whether or not the parents are married, the most important thing is if the kids are being raised correctly. Who cares if the kids want the parents to be married–the kids are not the ones who are getting married. I’ve known plenty of kids who were born in wedlock and prayed that their parents got a divorce because the marriage was so cancerous. Also, Nia Long is not setting bad example for anyone. She is in a committed relationship, knows what she wants in life, AND has her own money. Broken homes are only made by broken people–not whether or not two people are married.

Marriage does not promise or guarantee anything to the people who do not take it seriously or who rushes into it. She shouldn’t get married because she has a kid by a her boyfriend.

Tewilda on

Marriage has been wonderful for us. I’ve been married for 21 1/2 years and expecting child # 8. My husband and I do marriage counseling to prepare couples for a long lasting marriage. Try us out we are not soon big named people but our counsel works.

Terry on

How funny these people are who truly believe being married will ‘keep the man around’, or that it proves ‘he’s serious and committed’. How ridiculous. So many men get married because they are guilted into it, then they are stepping out anyway. These shrews who condemn Nia Long and tell her she must marry are the same types of judgmental women on whom most men cheat. What do you care if she marries or not? Who are you to say most women over 35 want marriage? I’m over 35 and I don’t want marriage, as don’t several of my friends.

Shannon on

She didn’t grow up in a two parent home. This is the result, sadly. Sad that her sons won’t know how to be married either. The cycle continues…

Moya on

Unwed motherhood has lost much of its stigma and has even been glamorized by celebrity role models.

Society’s view of sex and what is morally acceptable has changed much in the past 30 to 40 years.

Sexual conduct and other aspects of morality are things that most individuals now feel they can decide for themselves. To illustrate this, an essay cites statistics showing that in 1960 only 5.3 percent of all children in the United States were born out of wedlock. In 1990 the figure was 28 percent.

“The number of single mothers increased between 1970 and 2000, from 3 million to 10 million; over the same time frame, the number of single fathers increased also, from 393,000 to 2 million.”—U.S. Census Bureau.

Anonymous on

Just another black kid without a father….. look what that has done to that community…..did I say community?

Phlox on

because men are too complicated. Raising kids alone is better than living with a man.

tesheka on

Congratulations Nia!!!! Do your thing and forget what others think or say it’s your choice and no one’s business!!!!

Stacey on

Why is always so difficult for people to make a marriage work, but they always seem to comment that they have shacked up with someone and the relationship is just great? I, for one, think they do not want to work at a marriage and know that they can just walk away from the baby daddy or momma whenever they want. Marriage, like anything else, requires work and a level of involvement that too many people just aren’t able to handle.

Virgin Connections on

Well, true people have the right to live however they please, but I really cannot fathom how deciding to have a child with someone is less of a big deal than marriage. I mean, I’d sooner get married and not have a kid than have a kid and not get married, I’m just sayin’….doesn’t make any sense to me and that’s my opinion to which I am entitled to…

Lisa on

Another fine example of a woman with no self respect. No man will ever marry her (or any of you that behave like this) if she keeps giving away the goods for free, why would they?

Tammy Reagan on

Kudos Nia Long! Making motherhood look sexy at the age of 41. So hard to believe she’s 41 yo. Her kids look happy and well adjusted and that’s what count. For some of you who are throwing stones at Ms. Long in the article it says that having a child was something that she and her partner decided to do together.

Also if marriage is not a priority for her this too is probably something she discussed with her man. I’m sure its shocking for many that not every woman marries any man with a pulse. As long as he is doing right by his child then that’s what matters. Nia is grown & doesn’t need to explain to other grown people who should be minding their own household not what’s going on with her household.

Traditional Black Family Renaissance on

A black unwed mother not interested in marriage? Say it isn’t so! This breakdown in the traditional family is the root cause of what has plagued Black Americans since the Civil Rights Movement.

Black men and women….please GET MARRIED before you have children. Then work on staying married to each other while you raise your family.

Albert Taylor on

It is truly sad the depths our nation has sunk. Very few people view marriage as sacred. As an African man, I have always wanted to get married and have children. I have been blessed with this grand opportunity to meet a beautiful God-fearing woman and get married. My parents taught me that marriage is a serious matter. You don’t enter this live binding contract if you are not serious about staying together. Marriage affects more than just the man and the woman, it affects the children and the community at large. Our schools, communities, and nation are rapidly declining because we don’t appreciate marriage.

If Ms Long does not appreciate this binding covenant between a man and a woman, then she shoul not be married. Only men and women who are serious about loving each other should get married.

Marriage is more than a piece of paper. That “piece of paper” as many are calling it is symbol of the commitment between two people. If marriage is not important, why do gay and lesbian couples wanted their marriage legal? Because they understand the ramifications of such a commitment. Marriage is a beautiful bond created by God Himself. I don’t care if many people trample it, denounce it, or even fake it, marriage is real and it affects an entire nation

Kingdom Child on

Beautiful lady but my heart goes out to her. I discern she really wants to be married but it is afraid it won’t work out or perhaps her parents’ curse will follow into her own union. The article mentioned she recently reconciled with her own father. I’m certain Nia’s lack of relationship with him explains her reputation for having a bad attitude…”a lot calmer, less demanding etc.” Our childhood experiences mark our adulthood. It’s so precious and we must be mindful of this while raising our own children.

Nia, perhaps you are happpy BUT I know you want more. Surround yourself with TRUE prayer warriors and ask God to break those generational curses off you. (He did for me.) You will wear a beautiful Vera Wang gown on your next Essence cover story.

AC on

She isn’t asking for anyone’s permission. They are all her decisions .. like she said, they were planned accordingly … and as long as she and her family are happy, that’s all that matters.

I don’t get why people have to say whether they agree or not with her opinion on marriage or how she’s living her life or who she’s having a baby with. People just need to mind their own business and/or just be happy that someone is happy with the choices that they made. If those choices end up wrong for her or her family, those are her lessons to learn.

Congratulations Nia and I wish you and your kids more happiness and contentment.

Terry on

Whenever a woman steps out of being ‘conventional’ or acting as she ‘should’, she will get a lot of heat and stupid comments thrown at her. I respect Nia Long for coming out and speaking about her personal life, and being honest in who she is and what she believes. It certainly doesn’t look as though her beautiful children are suffering.

Anon on

Just because a woman is married, doesn’t mean her husband won’t leave her.

Mom Of Twins on

@MelT, can you provide me with where you got your information from. I would love to read it.

Thanks.

Nicole on

This is another one of those if you won’t make her your wife why make her a mother. I think bringing a new life into the world is a way bigger deal than walking down the aisle. But that’s just me.

Lilly on

Putting a ring on it just means he starts to take you for granted. I don’t blame her for keeping the relationship the way it is.

Tammy Reagan on

@Stacey “I, for one, think they do not want to work at a marriage and know that they can just walk away from the baby daddy or momma whenever they want. Marriage, like anything else, requires work and a level of involvement that too many people just aren’t able to handle”
First off think about it when you have a child with someone that’s not anything you can just walk away from. Your still responsible for that child even if the relationship didn’t work. People walk away from marriages everyday hence the divorce rate hoovering at 40%. And I’m sorry having a relationship period requires a lot of work especially when children are involved!

MsLinda on

You and your boys are beautiful. Blessings to you all.

Skt on

Bo Willie: I don’t follow the bible at all and consider myself agnostic. With that said, I did not believe in premarital sex when I married my husband. I got to know my dates true personality without sex getting in the way and clouding my judgment. Not everyone who does not believe in premarital sex is religious or believes in God.

Mia on

If you’re acting married – why not get married?

You have a kid + don’t want to get married to them?……what’s the fear?

Skt on

Me responded to @ robin peryea: I cannot stand when people like you throw the “spread your legs” comment when being judgmental of unmarried women who choose to have sex. IF you are married, you “spread your legs” to have sex with your husband. You do it when you want a nice Christmas gift, a new car, a new dress, a diamond, a vacation, etc. You “spread your legs” to your husband, even when you don’t want to, because you don’t want him to go to someone else.

OMG, I just spit out my tea! Women have sex with their husbands when they want something? Jeez, do you think a husband is just made out of money and sex is going to get the woman a vacation or a diamond? That’s so ridiculous! What kind of relationship is that?!?! Never had that happen to me, that’s for sure! Married couples have to think about money all the time, it just doesn’t happen so easily. You live in some warped planet, lol.

Cynthia on

Nia Long does not have to explain her choices nor her life to anyone of us. It is none of our business that she chooses not to be married at this time. Considering that most marriages end in divorce anyway, I do not blame her in the least for not making marriage a priority. All that matters, is those kids have two parents that love and adore them and each other. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Nia, live your life according to what makes you happy, girl. BTW, those kids are beautiful.

maineiacle on

This is “TRENDING NEWS” on what planet? Who cares about this NEVERWAS. I see peopLE commenting on how good she looks . Look a little closer. SHE HAS THE MAKEUP CAKED ON.

maineiacle on

can’t find the comment I just posted. It appears if you’re not kissing some has been neverwas’s tail your opinion doesn’t count. NO SURPRISE, This is the the President Obama, EVERYONE GETS A PRIZE ERA. Question anything or anyone and you get deleted.

SHALLOW TRIPE. that’s what this article is. Oh waittaminnit. I forgot I ended up on the People magazine website. Everything here is shallow tripe.

Bella on

Who really I mean really gives a crap if this lady gets married or not…OMG..There are defiantly more important things in this world an your lives than to worrying about someone no even knows personally…

maineiacle on

Hey I have an idea.. why not say “Child’s father” instead of “baby daddy” Do you people have any idea how much damage magazines like this do to our society???? GARBAGE, GARBAGE, GARBAGE. Improper grammar is being rewarded and reinforced by these idiots. Surprised half of them can use a computer. Oh wait, that’s about the only thing most of them are capable of. SITTING IN front of a computer or an X-BOX. Get off your arse and go outside once in awhile OBESE SOCIETY.

Tiffany on

I have always liked Nia Long , a long time fan she is great> I think that she is doing the right not rushing into anything. She is focusing on what she needs to do. I’m with her I have a child and me and his father get along , but it took a long time for us to do that because I had feelings for him. Stay focus Nia :)

Chuck Daly on

I understand why men want to push off marriage, but I shake my head when I read of women with children hesitant to marry. Take it from a man, or the tons of studies done to back me up: cohabitation almost always fails. While a wedding ring isn’t a fool proof plan to keep a man, the vows said before family, friends, and co-workers, make a guy at least hesitate before doing something stupid. Nina should equally focus on relationship longevity as well as happiness. Marriage is statistically proven to be one’s best chance at having a happy long term relationship.

maineiacle on

Couldn’t care less whether she’s married or not. It appears the standards of what we consider a “STAR” has really been devalued. On a lame sitcom 20 years ago and a bunch of direct to video movies. Impressive.

meghan on

maineiacle, if you could wait a second and stop talking like a fool, you might figure out that it takes a few minutes for posts to show up. And if you read any other posts you would notice many fools like yourself telling Nia Long how to live her life.

meghan on

maineiacle, funny that such a has been warrants five posts from you.

meghan on

DEE, “Buy the woman”? What is she a loaf of bread?

Lynny on

Using the experience of others dictate how you will live your life is a skewed way too live. Her reasons for not getting married is no better than saying “i will not go too college because so many kids drop out”. You need too live for you and you only. Your relationship isnt dictated by the success or failure of others. If you have a strong relationship based on mutual understanding, respect, loyalty and love what does it matter if there is a high divorce rate? What does Jane and Bob or Diane and John have too do with YOU and YOUR man? I believe Nia’s excuse is just that, an excuse for not wanting to be married. I would respect her more too say she doesnt want to be married rather than using irrelevant divorce rates and unfounded assertions that she has never seen a successful marriage.

Dturt on

Boo. Just like Eryka Badu (3 different kids fathers) Nia is conveying the WRONG message a message that plagues the black community. We don’t need more baby momma, 2, 3, 4 kids out of wedlock females…we need more responsible, getting married, honoring themselves black women! Her actions are irresponsible and as usual the black community embraces what is backwards. Black females need to stop making excuses for their mentality and start asking the real & hard questions of why they are Not married. What’s wrong with black females? Why is marriage not a priority to a female that has two kids from different guys she sounds like a scorned female who has no faith in marriage?

daria on

As a happily married wife of a divorce attorney, these comments just make me shake my head. Marriage guarantees commitment? My hubby’s steady business says otherwise. Commitment is a state of mind, not a legal contract.

cindy on

Beautiful kids, but it isn’t a “family.” Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It is a vow to God and to your spouse that you will uphold the word of God. Vows are not to be broken and that’s why alot of people don’t marry. They don’t want the responsiblity of having to answer to God(which she will anyway), and they just don’t want to put in the work so a lot of people come up with a lot of lame excuses for not marrying. She is so lost and her baby daddy!!!

Vic on

Nia you don’t have get married because someone else thinks you should be married. Here I’ll tell them for you. Worry about yourself and don’t judge me. So STFU!! Thank you.

Vic on

Some of you act like all White people or Latin people get married when they have kids. Stop your stupid statistics. Do any of you remember the kids in Colorado that killed the kids at their school. Well both of them had a mother and father at home. Remember Timothy McVeigh from the Oklahoma City bombing his mother and father were still together. Just be happy that your test tube babies turned out okay so far.

Marie Jackson on

I have to say marriage is a beautiful thing and should only be entered by two parties who are on the same page and desire to walk the path of life together during good and bad times. In many ways Hollywood presents that it is ok to have children and not commit to marriage. I don’t agree with that. If you are not happy enough with your partner and not ready to commit to marriage, why would you bring a life into the world with that person.

A lot of people will say, it’s better that way, but I believe children need both of their parents to be one unit. As women we make very big decisions for our lives and making the decision to create a life with someone outside of wed lock is huge decision that should not be entered into very lightly…

Yes, she and her family are beautiful, but I think it is important that we teach our young people the value of marriage, unity and the importance of creating a strong marital foundation with someone before bringing children into the world..

Jackie on

Its quite a different take Nia has on relationships. Not that long ago I saw her on The View saying how much she needs a man to help to raise her son(s) and what better example than a man who “loves you” making you his wife. To each his/her own…

CATCHEL on

yea id drop one in her too but why give the kids such stupid names

OwoneM on

While I am all for marriage, there is nothing worse than seeing two unhappy adults together for the sake of the kids. The problem for many is that a lot of us have not seen a stable marriage or a relationship for that matter. It takes two stable people, mentally and financial and spiritual, to even consider marriage let alone bringing a child into this world. But look how many people get marry for all the wrong reasons and find out who they married were not who they thought they were. Nia, wish you all the best and let He who is without sin cast the first stone.

Anonymous on

What does the Bible say about this situation? I’ll stop there.

Mallory on

I think God cares about a lovng commited relationship, yeah you can be commited without being legally married,not a dress, flowers and a big production and a piece of paper from the government that cost’s thousands if not 10’s or 100’s of thousand’s of dollars, it’s not just celbs spending this kind of money just watch Four Weddings on TLC or Say Yes To The Dress for that matter $2000 is considered a small budget in thouse salons.

Rachael on

I don’t believe in living with a guy, and having kids with him if there isn’t a piece of paper in the drawer that says we are married. Cause to me he has all the benefits of a wife and none of the responsibilities. If you don’t want to be married to the guy that’s fine. But for me playing house is a no no, and when you live together and have kids, and aren’t married that’s what you are doing.

People are crazy on

If she does not want to get married, fine. Who cares? It is her life. Robin and Moya, how horrible of you to say such dispicable things, calling her boys “bastards” because she chose not to get married! How respectful is that? What would your beliefs say, if someone else said that? Nia believes differently, as do I. I would not want to give up half my assets either, because like it or not, most marriages end in divorce! Getting married is not what is most important, taking care of your kids and being true to your self is.

Tina on

I don’t want marriage either. I’m 34 and probably most likely will have my children out of wedlock. No sense in getting pious about it…it’s just how things turn out in this country, whether you like it or not. There’s one reason for it, it’s just the law of nature taking over. Vive la single motherhood!

boosie on

You go Nia and I luv u anyway.

R. Abraham on

She reconciled with her father and ex? Thst’s a plus for her. I am African American and married to my wonderful African husband. From myself to Nia and 5 other friends of mine, our husbands or partners are all Africans and we have all reconciled with or estranged parents and family members. I am sure if not for my husband, who enjoys close knits with his families and what I observed as genuine love and also yearned for, I would not be as happy as I am right now. Some might say African men are ‘possessive’ (what I hear most amongst families and friends), the word actually stands for doing the same things as couple, allowing your man to evolve to be a real man and take care of his family while I help. so happy for her.

deedee on

There are only two guarantees in life, death and taxes.
Marriage requires a commitment and the work two people
are willing to give to it.
What grown men and women do is their business,but when
children are brought into the picture, values and priorities
need to be reevaluated.

mariko on

marriage is not for everybody. the fact that she mentioned the word marriage is a clear indication that deep inside, she wishes she has a good husband as part of her family equation.

a boyfriend is a boyfriend and a husband is a husband. a girlfriend is never a wife and i would take a husband/wife over a boyfriend/girlfriend any day.

personally, i would never trade my parents’ marriage to a single parent situation no matter how rich either one is.

JustSayin on

I agree with her 100%! There is no “need” to be married. You can be perfectly content in life without having a ring on your finger and throwing a big party. What people need to realize is that this whole concept of “love and marriage” is a very new age way of thinking — say within the past 100 years. Marriage was a financial transaction between a woman’s father and the man she was married to and then it was in a woman’s best interest to be married because it was unsafe not to be. Times have changed people! You do not NEED to be married to be happy or to have a family.

mg on

Things have changed since i was young.

Does anyone remember what happened to Ingrid Bergman?

She was ostrasized for cheating on her husband, and having twins with an Italion director!

LBJ changed the laws to help unwed moms.

I still think children are better raised with both a married mom, and dad. I know that is politically incorrect. Children need a family to succeed that has boundries, and a large support team.

Hollywood has set a very bad precedent with all the moms being unwed. The difference is ‘Hollywood moms CAN AFFORD TO SUPPORT THE CHILDREN’! Regular moms have to have two jobs, maybe go on welfare and it is really, really tough!

Sandra on

From my perspective, kids don’t really care if mom and dad are married. They just want stability and love. My parents were not married until I was 12 yrs old and I had no clue that they were not married. All I know is that I had a mom and a dad who were there, nothing else mattered. Based on the fact that they were married the same day as Charles and Diana and their marriage ended in the exact same way, I would say that getting married because others were pressuring you to do it was not so good a deal. Seeing their marriage implode did not stop me from getting married, but seeing my own marriage implode will stop me from doing it again. But that is my plan, who knows what God’s plan is.

Toni on

I don’t understand why some of the commentors are taking her lack of wanting to get married so personally. As someone who is a child of marriage, I say to Nia, take your time. At the end of the day, she–not you or her children–is the one who is in the marriage. People want to talk about the Bible and the good ole’ days when people got married before they had kids, but guess what??? They were even having kids out of wedlock then. Nothing has changed, except the mentality. Would you all rather her get married, divorced, and then have a bitter custody battle. Or would you rather her take her time and make the best decision possible? People say, “Well, she should have done that before she had kids.” But, what if she wanted kids, what then? If she has no qualms about having kids before marriage, it isn’t a big deal to her. I have cousins who believe it is best that their parents never married (and broke up when they were toddlers). They are happy and healthy adults. I also know people who are miserable because of their parents marriage. Additionally, if Nia does break up with her boyfriend, I doubt she’ll have a problem finding another boyfriend.

terri on

This is her Business…..if it works for her then it works for me

terri on

Folks stop player hating on her…beautiful you are Nia….Stay strong….We woman that are strong are our own woman.

April on

Why would a smart woman deliberately have another baby out of wedlock? If that man valued her, he would marry her. I don’t believe for one minute Nia doesn’t want to get married. It’s that baby’s daddy (her man) that doesn’t want to get married. People please stop celebrating these stupid decisions by women who claim they are so mature. Fine, don’t get married. But please, please, stop bringing children into the mess.

April on

Nia if you don’t see yourself as worth marrying why would anyone else?

Chris on

I See Where She Is Comin From But She 2 Kids Out Of Wedlock This Is Another Reason Why Black Women Is Single Cause They Do Things Backwards
Have Kids And Do Not Desire To Be With The Childs Father This Is Why I Do Not Date Black Women Just Plain Stupid The Way They Think.

Dennis J Robinson on

It sounds to me that she says that “marriage” is not a priority because she has a great relationship as it stands. That she has not seen a great “marriage”. However there is no one to say that she cannot make a great example of what a “marriage” should look like. I think she is fine, if she never got married on paper – I’m sure they are a beautiful family.

Rosco P on

As beautiful as Nia is…..I feel sorry for her because she seems to have never known what a LOVING married family is all about. She said she has never seen a marriage work. That, I consider to have been a very rough life. A loving mother and a loving father married with children is how it is supposed to be. I feel that she is scared of the commitment that comes along with getting married and the heartbreak if it does not work out so she keeps her distance from marriage. As fine as she is I have to say…..Lucky Guys

Kelli on

Posters please remember. Ms. Long has lived a life making untraditional choices. She is an actress and once dancer. I think she should be given the right, like anyone else, to live the way she chooses as long as she does no harm. What I see is a responsible adult who is taking care of their family as honestly as lovingly as they can. If marriage is in the cards it will happen. To those who are writing that she doesn’t love herself, I think there is a LOT of transference going on from those parties.

April on

@ Kelli, Ms. Long obviously has the right to live the way she wants. If she didn’t we probably wouldn’t be having this discussion. Posters are not transferring, they are expressing an opinion as you are. It’s these nontraditional choices that are producing havoc in the Black community. Stop with the baby daddies and get husbands. Raising children without fathers is detrimental not beneficial for the children. I’m speaking as a person raised by a single mother. Our life was harder because Mama was doing it alone. I also h ad trouble relating well to men because of an absent father. Nia admittedly has suffered herself because of her nonexistent relationship with her father. She struggled with the first baby daddy. She is a mess trying to pretend that she has it altogether. There is no bigger commitment than bringing children into this world. You are willing to lay down with a man and have his baby but not marry him. It doesn’t make sense. It’s selfish. If you don’t want to spend your life with the man, why get pregnant by him?

Mimi on

Wow! She looks absolutely amazing! She just doesn’t age! She looks half her age!! :)

Natu on

I am not surprised with her decision…She has daddy issues and she is afraid of marriage and does not know how to make one work. She stick with what she knows…which is baby daddies. Marriage is not for the faint of heart.

(future psychologist)

Child of God 1974 on

HELLO NITA,,, PROUD OF YOUR SUCCESS.. GOOD TO KNOW YOUR TAKING IT SLOW WITH THE FATHER OF THE LAST BABY… WE ALL HAVE HAD EXPERIENCE WITH OUR PARENTS AND WHAT THEY WENT THROUGH, DOES THAT MAKE IT RIGHT NOW IN TODAY SOCIETY. IT FALL BACK TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU MAKER. YOUR SPIRITUAL LEVEL AND BELIEF. THE IMAGE THAT THE SUPERSTARS ARE SETTING AND EXAMPLES FOR OUR YOUNG LADIES TO FOLLOW IS SELFISH. THE WORD SAYS WE ARE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR OUR LIVES AS ADULTS. SO YOU’RE SAYING ITS OK TO NOT GET MARRIED TO CHOOSE TO CONCEIVE KIDS AND NOT HONOR VALUES AND THE LIVING WORD OF GOD…

K Day on

We are living in new times…while I do feel that children should be born into homes of a married couple, I can also respect a woman’s choice. From the comments above, I can be quite sure that none of you are remotely close friends with Nia Long, meaning you have no real facts about her choices and the reasons for her choices. There are people who want to become parents, but may not want to deal with the uncertainties of a marriage. Because she has chosen to protect herself from a very possible divorce, she shouldn’t be allowed to experience the greatest joy of motherhood. She is mature enough to make a decision that will ensure she is rounded enough to raise mature boys. No one ever said well rounded adults are only products of married parents. Look at our President and reconsider the ‘she’s only hurting the kids’ comments.

K Day on

@April – I do value the idea of marriage, but getting married just because society says so wont strengthen the black community, it will increase the divorce rate among blacks. People are getting married for the wrong reasons. If she wants children, let her have children. I am positive that made an educated choice in knowing that she will be able to provide for her children, with or with a father. BUT, i also believe that a part of the reason she may not want to get married is to preserve the relationship to ensure the fathers don’t become absent as opposed to forcing marriage and it ending in divorce…lets talk about what happens then. No one whats to approach what happens if she follows what society says she should do and it doesn’t work.

Kathryn on

I don’t understand why Essence choose to this article , when we as a community are in a moral rut of sorts . When comes to out of wed-lock births . I know i have made my fair share of mistake however where is the roll morale roll models . Furthermore if you aren’t ready to get married , you aren’t ready to have children , and vise versa . And i am a big believer , as a whole black media and regardless if its print , online , radio is too darn left leaning . I feel like black media need to grow up , and evolve .

J.SAM on

LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES AND DISAPPOINTMENT’S JUST (LIVE) YOUR LIFE,TO THE FULLEST,WITH NO COMPAINT’S AND NO RERRET’S

Latrice on

I’ve read some of the comments and to say the least some are very judgemental. Who are you to judge? I’m crazy about Nia Long and respect her decisions. She and her boys are simply amazing. Nia is a gorgeous woman and knows what she wants. Keep living your life and maybe one day I will meet her #soinlovewithNia

tre'jon on

nia im happy for you and your family god bless,i dont care for what some of the comments like you need a husband or dont have kids,what time zone this person is in ,yes it would be nice if all came together but it dont. so til then keep doing what is best for you and your kids and god will take care of all other.Ms Tre’jon

traci on

This is her life and she is the one who have to live it, Society is the problem, everybody always have something to say about how people should live there life there are no rules or guidelines, even in the bible there are men who is married to multiple women and these women where in their teens(i dont agree with that but to each its own)and has far has birth control that dont work i had two kids on birth control and i took them everyday faithfully and everything is not 100% accurate. In todays society marriages is not working because everybody is getting married for the wrong reason marriage is friendship,love, commitment,trust,honesty,strength and family, not money,sex,looks,im bored,we have a child together, my parents like you, we have a connection,i want to get married etc….. these thoughts are the reason why marriages are not working. So i TOTALLY AGREE with nia. and another thing the reason why there are alot of fatherless kids is because there are alot a women who try to trap men with baby’s anyway that they can so with that being said SOCIETY need to get a life and let everybody live there life and LET GOD BE THE JUDGE have a bless one ladies :)

Miles Davis on

The statistics for African American boys born into single parent families with mothers as head of household are absolutely appalling-less likely to be educated, more likely to end up in the criminal justice system and in poverty, etc. As talented as Ms. Long may be, I’m not convinced that she will be fully able to competently assume the role of mother and father. Pray that I am wrong.

Anonymous on

Beautiful Woman – She is, and her kids! It’s great not to rush into marriage, some women rush into marriage just to say they have a husband or to be like others they know who are married. I give Nia her props!!

zette16 on

Kudos to you Ms. Long for following the beat of your own drum. Many women fall into the trap of trying to do what is expected of them, not what they really want their lives to be like. Marriage isn’t for everyone. What is important is the quality of the relationships you have with your loved ones, not the titles they are given in others eyes.

Ms M on

I totally agree with her why get married to get divorced. If it works for you good., Like to old saying goes “if it ant broke don’t fix it” there no rule that says you have to be married to have children. Women do it every day.
Good luck to you Nia and may you always have happeness.

Miyoshi83 on

To all the Bible thumpers i guess all of you wanted until you were married before having sex, i guess none of you have your eyes pierced and i guess none of you have ever lived with a man or woman before marriage may the person with out sin cast the first stone. if you are saved now you you lived an unholy life before.

Nia can provide stability emotionally and finanically to her children with of without a man in her life all that matters is that those boys know and have a father in their lives that loves,spend time with them and can provide for them.

Donna on

God bless you Nia. As long as you and your family are happy, that’s all that matter. You and your boys are beautiful.

Halley on

She has talked before about wanting a strong male role model for her older son. I’m not buying that she is the one that doesnt want to get married. Women arent built like that. We’re made to create families, and marriage is the strongest foundation of that.

I absolutely dont understand people who will commit to having a baby with someone but dont want to marry them. It makes no sense at all. When parents dont get married, its because one, or both, are not fully committed. I think thats harder on kids, knowing their parents have one foot out the door, that having parents who gave it their best shot, and ended up divorced. At least they knew their parents loved each other enough at one point to commit to marriage.

Halley on

when I had my first son, I wasnt married to his father. I spouted the same nonsense Nia is, because I was embarressed that this “man” didnt want to marry me.

When I met my now husband, he became just that, my husband. I asked him, after reading this article, if he would have just had babies with me if that was all I wanted. He said no. Real men dont shack, they build homes. And they dont make a mother out of anyone they wouldnt make a wife. I’m so thankful for the extraordinary man my husband is to our children, including the boy he’s raising as his son, though they dont share a biological connection.

Boo on

All well and good for her, but her SONS need fathers as a constant in their lives. Stop being so selfish, Nia.

walter on

hi nia i would merry u in a heartbeat, i wish u love and happynessloved u in soulfood.

blackopsg3 on

Nia do whats right for you and your family, don’t worry what other people think or say they can’t live your life and you can’t live theirs.

Mrs. Myres on

Nia does not owe anybody a explantion about her life and how she lives it. What she do is her business and not yours! who cares what other people think she does not care about what people say about her. She is happy with her situation and that it all that matters. People kill me with wanting to put their two cents in on other people but if the shoe was on the other foot and it was you, i bet you wouldnt like it one bit. She does have have to anwer to nobody cause last i checked she was grown and taking care of her own. If you dont like it so what keep the comments to yourself. I’m pretty sure that alot of the people making comments are not all put together by a long shot. Hate it or love it Nia is doing her and that is all that matters.

Nanlisa on

God’s plan for the family is still a husband and wife with children. Not a boyfriend and girlfriend with children. All sex outside of marriage is wrong! I don’t care if this is the 21st Century or not! God and His laws, especially when it comes to sex, marriage, family, and relationships, don’t change. St. Paul tells us to flee fornication, which is exactly what this is.

Just because half the marriages today end up in divorce doesn’t mean that we have to throw God’s laws into His face and choose to live on our own terms.

My parents have been married for 57 years (it’ll be 58 years in August). My sister has been married for 13 years (it’ll be 14 in November). My parents had ups and downs in their marriage, but they’re still together.

Marriage is more than just a piece of paper. It’s a lifelong committment. It is also one of the Seven Sacraments that Christ instituted. What was considered scandalous fifty years ago is now widely accepted today, and that is sad! Why should we throw away a centuries-old tradition simply because it doesn’t work?

If Nia Long had been a star back in the 30’s, 40’s ,and 50’s, her career would have been destroyed. Back then, morals clauses were put into the stars’ contracts. When Ingrid Bergman had Roberto Rosselini’s childout of wedlock back in the late 40’s, she was denounced in Congress and called a “free love cultist.”

We need to return to God and His laws. After all, His ways are still the best ways to live by. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Nanlisa on

Also, back in the 1930’s, Loretta Young got pregnant from an affair that she had with Clark Gable while they were making the movie The Call of the Wild. Because she was a devout Catholic, it was (and still is today) a mortal sin. She had the baby, a baby girl named Judy, and she put it in an orphanage. She later adopted the baby. She privately acknowledged that Judy Lewis was her biological daughter by Clark Gable, but she refused to do s publicly acknowledge her, and they didn’t speak to each other for several years.

My o my how times have changed. Times may have changed, but God and His laws haven’t changed!

Cdyana on

- JustSayin…said it best.

Mia on

“Not rush into anything”……They already have kids…..lack of planning and logical thinking on that end.

keke on

@ Ki Ki I agree with you and it sad that
women now day’s don’t believe in Marriage or even think enough of themselves to know they are worthy of a good man and it is an honor to be his wife, providing he is the one that God has sent her. And her children deserve to see a strong unit with the parents with mom being good enough to marry. If she is good enough to sleep with and have your child what is the problem? people have a problem with commitment and trust so the excuse used would be one that you hear from Nia Long and Halle Berry and those like them. May God Bless them all and send someone into their lives to let them know they are worthy and God honors marriage. Praying for all who speak in this manner and that they don’t fear anything about marriage and trust God to keep them through it all. Be Blessed and we have free will as someone said earlier but you will pay for those choices as we all do at some point in our lives and in Judgement through Christ.

Acorr on

“It had been a minute”, that is such ghetto slang.

Unwed Parents on

I feel like from her comments about marriage she is basing it on her past experiences instead of seeking out the correct way to handle things. She is raising 2 boys and this isn’t a very good example. I would view this as saying, it’s okay to be baby daddy but don’t commit to the mother. My husband and I have two boys and they ask questions as they get older. Remember that what ever makes you feel good isn’t always the right thing. Ms. Long is just being a contributor to the unwed black population giving birth in America. Not judging just saying. It’s awful how Hollywood glamorize all this garbage.God’s word never change it’s people who want to make Him fit their life. Thank you Nanlisa @Kiki there are women who still believe believe in marriage. It’s about setting a good example for your children.

Hmmm on

The bottom line is this: marriage is an institution established by God. You may “booo” me all you want and write whatever descenting opinions you want, but no amount of evolution, enlightement, knowledge, logic and reasoning will turn truth into a lie.

Frankielove271@yahoo.com on

i say you are somkey hot in this pictuer with your’s boy’s are so cute i think your new men are so be with sexxy hot woman like you how are a great mother your two boy’s i say you will married him when you are ready to get married

CHACHA on

WHAT THE HELL…..WHITE WOMEN ARE HAVING BABIES OUT OF WEDLOCK TOO! Racism still exists. This is such a racist site. Yeah, I know Nia is black; however, I don’t feel race should have been brought up. You all are such B’s!

Paul_Atreides on

Kids benfit from a DAD, and a reliable structure. A parent’s priority should be THAT…

Mike on

She said
“I’m a lot calmer. Less clingy and demanding.”

I really wish I could find a black woman that thinks like this
but wait
…… it took her years to learn…..
so sad:)

ChelyDee on

Bo Willie- LOL I say that all the time!
Myha- I agree
MeIt – Right
Moya – Now, why would you type that about her children? Gosh! Miss Perfect!
Lisha – I agree with you
Shannon – Good insight
Kathryn – Thank you!
Kingdom Child – Hallelujah

I wish you and your children all the best, Nia. They are very handsome!

LB on

Man, talking about being judgmental, I bet our ears would be bleeding if we heard a fraction of what’s in most of our closets. If baby girl is happy, so am I for her. I wish her all the best in this life’s journey, in God’s Love.

Jen on

Beautiful mother and beautiful boys. Not all of us were meant to be married, myself included. But I was certainly meant to be a mother and I thank God for it.

Amber on

If you say why get married to get divorced… then why be in a relationship to break up?

Charli on

Ummm she has a baby who has a daddy, that’s a baby daddy. She may be sensitive to the terminology but she’s going to look crazy at parent teacher’s night introducing her baby daddy as her friend. lol

Jenn on

It makes me sad that she has never seen a marriage work. So many kids grow up in broken homes without the support of a father and it changes the way they view relationships once they’re adults. Maybe one day she will find the courage to break the cycle and show her children that marriage can work. I think it’s very unfortunate so many children will grow up with the same attitude about marriage because they are being raised the same way.

The kids are beautiful.

indira on

@ me

I have no negative or positive connotation with baby daddy, you do and that’s your problem. Im from Brooklyn, Im black and all I know is that its an informal term for a father of a child who is not married to the mother. So if you didn’t get married to them, where I am from, you have a baby daddy. Whether he picks the kid up from school everyday or he hasn’t seen your kid in 6 years, he’s your baby daddy. Sorry if you’re butthurt about that, if thats the case stay away from Brooklyn or stop having kids out of wedlock if you’re so concerned with the terminology applying to you.

and people keep saying marriage doesn’t matter blah blah blah but theres correlation between one parent households and drug use and crime level. Im not saying its causation but there certainly is a correlation.

TM on

I’m so tired of reading about race statistics. People are individuals first, and should not be lumped into categories (it’s demeaning and wrong). Nia is an intelligent, financially stable mother and her children will be just fine. There is no reason to hold her up as either a beacon or failure in the “black community”.

persiskam on

@Tewilda. Some would think that having 8 children is crazy. As a single co parent of a now grown son, I totally agree that it ain’t easy to do. That being said. Would I rather have been miserable his entire life if his dad and i had married or would I rather that I brought him up in a stable household in which he and I were both happy? Obviously, I chose the latter and I stand by my decision. By the same token, I do tell him that if someone is good enough to have a baby with, they are good enough to marry. Having a baby with someone is far more of a commitment that marriage will ever be. That was the big step. That is for life. Especially in our culture in which society at large does not value marriage.

I grew up in a two parent household with misery. I know what to value. The best situation is a family with happy functioning parents. Many of us aren’t fortunate enough to have this situation. Live and let live.

Simone on

It is sad, she is missing out on what a happy and healthy marriage suppose to be. I can understand learning to make the best out of the past, but let us be real. Owning up to our poor judgments of the past, makes us better persons and helps us not to repeat those mistakes. Her situation is not the ideal one.

Marriage is not a piece of paper as someone commented, it is a covenant, with God at the forefront of the union. What makes marriage fail is when we do not strengthen our faith in God. Yes we get married in a church, temple or mosque, but did we ever used to go to church to begin with? If we have never experienced God’s Love, how will we know how to Love our husbands and wives unconditionally.

I pray for her, that her Faith be strengthened, so she experience true marital bliss. I do not wish on any woman, having kids with more than one man, but if you do, at least do not let anyone feel that it is a bed of roses and you do not have any regrets. It is okay to have regrets, we are human, it does not make you any different from anyone else. What works for you can destroy your daughter if she is in the same situation. So teach the right thing so hurt can be avoided.

Spicy on

Lovely picture

I always respect people for how they feel and choose to live their lives. It is important for one to know who they are; there are a lot of people out there that don’t know who they are and what they believe in. Much respect to her.

I am the same age with Nia, and I have been married for 19 years and it work for me, neither of my family members have ever had a successful marriage. Like Nia, I know who I am. Best of luck to you and your family… God Speed…

It have so many baby daddy out there that don’t love their children’s mom or never around to be a father to their children, and she have a man that loves her and her kids and is around to be a daddy to her child…

People, I will leave with this quote “God has a reason for allowing things to happen… We may never understand his wisdom but we simple have to Trust His Will….”

Remember that paper does not guarantee happiness

Ladyfoxx on

Sounds like “he didn’t put a ring on it” so I’ll settle for playing house until he makes up his mind.

actright on

Just because most women have had children before marriage doesn’t mean its is accepted. We all know most women want the whole package and if its better for one to be okay with part of the package who are we to disagree. As women we know what “most women want”. I can honestly say as a teenage mother I decided not to marry bc I felt it was all just too much for me motherhood and marriage and never considered him to be my babies daddies, he is her father and they will have type of relationship that a father and daughter should have. As my life went on I knew I would never have another baby without marriage. Lesson learned. Saying ‘baby daddy’ implies the man is 1/2 ass or just assed out. So I am with Nia, Nia’s and Kez’s father is just fine.

Delicious on

its nice that nia is happy where she is. and i hope that she is as understanding one day if one of her sons gets a girl pregnant and he decides he doesnt want to marry her or doesnt feel like he really needs too — just pay the money and see them every now and then. not a very good example for her children.

BetterToLoveThanNot on

Not all children who were raised by a single mother turn out “bad”. My mother got a divorce when I was 2 years old. Though my father was not around, and my mom and I moved alot, I was raised with lots of love and discipline by mother and family. I became a contributor to society. I became a doctor and not only did I help my community growing up, I joined the US military and am currently working overseas helping people all over the world. Which, my moving around a lot as a child help prepare me for the many moves I have to make in the military. Yes, I understand that many men/women who come from single family homes are into drugs, violence, not motivated to do better educationally, what have you…but there is still a huge population of us “product of single mothers” that have turned out great…many of them too are great contributors to society, truly making a good difference in this world.

God gave us the free will to make choices. Some choose to get married too soon, not at all, for the right or wrong reasons. Some choose to kill and others wouldn’t think of harming someone. But, we have to admit our choices are sometimes persuaded by our past experiences and our current environment. But no one should be judged, and especially talked down upon because of them. God didn’t give any of us the authority to judge anyone.

I do believe in marriage and will advocate it until the day I die, but from my experience and the experience of my friends, as long as the child lives in a loving home with family members who will encourage him/her to be better than their circumstance and discipline is involved, the child will more likely than not, turn out great! Give her sons a chance and give the father of her children a chance to be great men. Don’t damn them to defeat, because the couple is not married.

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