Elisabeth Röhm’s Blog: To Befriend or Not?
The actress, 39, currently stars as Taylor on The Client List, while her film Transit is out now, with Officer Down following later this year.
In her latest blog, Röhm — mom to 4-year-old Easton August with fiancé Ron Anthony — reflects on the changes in her friendships since becoming a mother.
Did you stay close to your pre-children friends? Replace them with news ones? Keep both? Share your experience in the comments.
|About to ride a rollercoaster! – Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm|
Don’t you hate it when you’re flat out wrong about something? I’m not saying I need to be right all the time (although it doesn’t hurt!), but dead wrong? On second thought, being wrong can be very refreshing and an opportunity for change? This is mostly true when it adds an overall improvement to your life, I’d say.
I’m thinking of parenthood as I say this, of course. Yes, parenthood has improved my life in absolutely every way, despite the headaches that arise from time to time from the sound of my own parental voice. Or those rare moments when I would prefer to do nothing and not be at everyone’s beck and call.
Other than that, parenthood has been the best change I’ve experienced … for sure! It’s come with many unexpected twists and turns.
For instance, I remember hanging out with my childless friends when I was pregnant with Easton, saying, “Nothing will ever come between us.” On no! I’d try to convince them that I would not cast them aside for some new friend that I’d meet because of my daughter.
Ron and I swore up and down that we would stick with our current friendships and not be swayed into new ones because of our future daughter’s budding social life. I recall us saying countless times to each other, “Who would base a friendship on their kid’s relationships? That’s cray-cray!” This was of course before Easton had entered the scene and changed the focal point completely in every aspect of our lives — even our relationship, dare I say.
On another note, who would change their lifestyle to accommodate their children’s needs? This is what the single unmarried or newly-married couple thinks. This is what we thought before we had a little one.
I actually distinctly remember thinking that Easton would just have to fit into our world; she’d come out to dinner with us and simply tag along to all of our life events. This was said by someone who now falls asleep at 9:30 p.m. and often doesn’t go out and about anywhere without her kid. When I do go out it’s usually is some new kid-friendly activity that I might not have done before Easton’s arrival.
I’m just saying … things have changed. I was wrong!
When I was pregnant, I swung so far in this direction of not wanting to make baby-related friends all that I avoided the whole mommy-and-me circuit. You know, the diaper changing courses, bottle-feeding tips, support groups, breastfeeding training days, swaddling … you name it. I skipped all those classes and social scenes and stayed within my clan, asking my mom, my aunts and those friends that had gone before.
Of course, the pregnancy thing was very bonding with my friends that had children already. I barely realized that those very friendships had sagged too, somewhere in the middle, due to the pesky children they’d had and my swinging single lifestyle. Now they were breathing with new life. Yet, it truly didn’t dawn on me that if those friendships were getting reinvigorated, then perhaps I might benefit from making new friends that shared the kid component in common.
So it was the same in regards to my friendships with my single set. I was sure that we’d be friends forever, hanging out and talking about their latest guy problem or lasciviousness from the previous night’s activities. What did I need them to know about kids for? That’s not the basis of friendship. Or is it?
As school began for our little one, Ron and I were friendly but we kept a comfortable distance, knowing that we were rich in the friendship department. We were happy to host playdates, but turn a play date into dinner with the other kid’s family? Take a day trip as a group? Share repeated weekend fun just because our kids are buddies? No, not us…
Then it happened — what I had previously been on the receiving end of. Friends tired of my non-child friendly world, things changed and our interests started to turn towards these newer friendships in a natural way, without our planning. We began to find we had much more in common with the people who were parenting our kid’s nearest and dearest. We discovered that our child’s well being, school path, extracurricular activities and school events were better spent as a community.
Not only was it more convenient to share dinner with said parents after a playdate or school function, but we also found we had so much more to talk about since these little ones are the apple of our eye and shall I say it — gasp — the center of our universe … they most certainly are our heart’s center and have become the grounding force in the latest chapter of our lives.
Not to mention that I now totally get why my friends who had kids weren’t hanging out with me all that much when I was one of the childless ones. I mean for goodness sake, we eat dinner at 6 p.m.! Like ships passing in the night.
It’s been a couple of years now and I have made some profound friendships through Easton. Not only through her friends, but just by being a mother. Thanks to Easton, my whole world has grown exponentially. I meet people I never would have because we share children in common.
It’s funny that I laughed at the idea before. Somehow it made me feel like I was being domesticated and losing an edge. But the truth is, I love our family life and the shared bond of raising children is a tremendous connecting point, right ladies? Like this blog for instance — I love sharing motherhood with you all.
Easton has made my world much more exciting, social and productive through all the new friendships she’s brought our way. In the end, I have found that nothing connects you more to others than the commonality of family. I delight in raising our children together, PEOPLE.com readers.
This time I was pleased to be wrong…
|At the event – Albert Michael/Startraks|
Just a few pics to keep you updated on our lives these days! Easton is growing like a flower!
Last month, we went to a great celebration and launching of the Havaianas for Baby Buggy collection. It offers matching adult and children’s styles custom-designed by Courteney Cox, Nina Garcia, Rebecca Romijn and Tori Spelling. The collaboration is all for a good cause, as 10 percent of sales will be donated directly to the nonprofit.
It was such fun! Check them out …
Until next time,
– Elisabeth Röhm