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Julianna Margulies: Kieran Requested a Sibling

03/29/2012 at 05:00 PM ET
Courtesy MORE

Julianna Margulies‘s son Kieran Lindsay is skipping the standard puppy plea and going straight for the grand prize: a baby.

After saying goodbye to the 4-year-old one day before work, the actress recalls her little boy’s parting words.

“‘Mama, when you come home, bring me a brother or sister,’” Margulies, 45, says of her son’s request in More‘s April issue.

“I got in the car and told my driver, ‘Joe, I have a really tall order today.’”

But while The Good Wife star is open to having a second child with husband Keith Lieberthal, she isn’t willing to let the stress of expanding her family get the best of her.

“Ticktock, as they say. It’s not for lack of trying,” Margulies says of the couple’s baby plans. “But we always say, ‘If it happens, great, and if not, great.’ There’s no pressure.”

While another baby would only add to the demands of juggling both her long hours on set with her time spent at home, Margulies realizes the late-night hours are fleeting — and well-worth the time.

“[When Kieran wakes up in the middle of the night,] I haven’t seen him all day. I can’t wait to hold that little boy! I run into his room and jump into bed with him and smell his little head,” she shares.

“I know in the snap of my fingers he’s not going to let me in his room. So I’m taking this moment and I’m going to embrace it.”

– Anya Leon

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Showing 77 comments

Nancy on

So many mixed feelings about this article. I am glad she doesn’t feel pressured to have another child. I always hear the argument that you need to have another to keep them company. Sometimes, siblings never really get along.

Secondly, it broke my heart when she said that she gets home in the middle of the night and hasn’t seen her child all day.

JM on

i always thought that if i had children it would have to be more than one. out of the only children i know the VAST majority of them wish they had had a sibling. sure, every now and then you get someone who didn’t mind being an only child, but in my experience that is really rare.

having siblings is an incredible thing. after having my eldest, i just don’t think i could have done that to him, to be an only child. he now has 4 siblings. yeah sometimes they argue, but generally i can tell they really do love each other. there is nothing quite like watching your baby smile up at their older sibling in total admiration and fascination.

kirsty on

excuse me you couldnt do that to him? Sorry that really offends me I’m not having a second child because I do not want one and it would be worse for me to have one since I almost went off my rocker and my daughter was a very good baby. Emotionally and physically I know I could not handle it and I think it is more mature to realize that!

JMO on

I think it varies by person. I know only child(ren) and most of them are fine about not having siblings. My cousins daughter is 8 and she has asked for a sibling on a few occasions but my cousin really doesn’t want anymore. So they did the next best thing and got her a puppy! lol.

Michelle on

Family planning is such a personal choice. There is no right or wrong formula. Each family has to do what works best for them.

Marky on

My son started asking for a sibling at the age of 2. He has an IQ of 160 and could communicate better than most children (though we just thought we were great parents who could teach our child well, LOL), and he asked quite often. We had secondary infertility, so chose to adopt, but we did so because we thought it through and decided we really wanted another child, and not just because our son wanted a sibling.

The ONLY good reason to have another child is because YOU want to have another child. Many first children think they want a sibling because they just KNOW that sibling will be their very best friend forever, but it may or may not, turn out that way. Our children got along very well, he was an amazing big brother to his 2 new sisters (I was pregnant by the time the first one arrived, and to the brother that came along 12 years later. As adults, they are all individuals who love each other and get along just fine, but they are very different, and might not even be friends if they weren’t siblings. Chose wisely, your decision is for a lifetime.

Kirsty, don’t feel threatened or angered by this topic; you made the decision that was best for your family. “Only children” do just fine, too. My nephew is an only child, and at less than 30, he is a published doctoral student, well-known in his field, and one of the nicest young men I know, as well as being a wonderful son and husband.

Holiday on

I feel sad for the lonely onlies. It must be boring to be the only child in your house. Growing up with a sibling was wonderful for me, the staying up late watching movies together, making tree forts and playing tea party and I cant even imagine how boring family vacations are without a sibling! I am so glad my kids have each other and they are so glad too.

Anonymous on

After reading this article, I feel said for Julianna and Keith. Going by what she said, it sounds like they’ve been trying for another baby for awhile but things just aren’t cooperating.

That being said, I’m glad that Julianna apparently isn’t putting too much pressure on herself about having a second child and that she appears to have a realistic view about her odds of concieving at her age.

Laura on

There is no research to support that only children are less well-adjusted on any measure that children with siblings. What the child requests is not an indicator of much, the grass is always greener…As a child psychologist I see girls who have brothers request a sister, boys who have a sister request a brother, girls who have sisters request a brother, only children request a sibling, etc. It’s human nature to want what we don’t have, but a good decision, as Kirsty pointed out, is what is best for the parent(s) and family as a whole.

Ali on

I think it’s every individual woman’s right to have as many children as she wants. Whether it is one or five. I find it funny that I can’t fathom either of those numbers as a mother though. I have three and I am overwhelmed but at the same time, I can’t imagine just having one child. I came from a family of 3 children and that just felt like the right number to have myself as well. But, I think it differs for everyone. Some people are just fine with one child. As long as everyone is happy and healthy that is all that really matters.

Katie on

A sibling is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. If you don’t want more, don’t have more. To each their own.

Eduarda on

My son is 19 months old and you wouldn’t believe the pressure I am getting from my family to have another child to keep him “company”. My husband and I are happy with our son and at the current time have no plans to expand our family. I am an only child and I had an amazing childhood with lots of love. I was surrounded by family, friends, and pets who showed me unconditional love. That is all that matters.

JM on

kirsty, you’re offended by something i felt about my own son? weird, a little insecure?

i don’t care whether or not you have another child. i was talking about my own family. calm down!

KTP on

Only children may have wish/ed for a sibling – I wish/ed to be taller. We just can’t always get what we wish for.
The fact is a lot of women are lucky just to have one child, I’m sure the only children can understand that. And I doubt any parent decides to not have another child out of spite. There is usually a very good reason.
And let’s put it all in to perspective – being an only child is not child abuse.

SadieA on

Kirsty, Julianna wasn’t attacking you. Relax.

Nicole on

My son is an only child, and after spending time with his cousins he BEGS me to not have any more kids. He is so much happier as an only.

Momof3girls on

Lol @ Nicole, my daughter was the same way!!!! She would love to spend time with her cousins and other kids but she also loved being my one and only!!!!

I did make my oldest daughter a big sister three weeks before she turned 14 and than again when she was 15 1/2. She absolutely adores her little sisters and has said she loved being an only child!! I remember when she was in middle school, she was friends with an only who always wanted to come over to our apartment, she used to say her parents were boring!!!

I think it’s everyone’s own decision whether to have more than one, obviously something to consider is that Juliana is 45 years old, she may not be able to get pregnant again. If her Son does end up an only child, that’s what was meant to be!!! Put in playgroups, get some pets and let him know how special and lucky he is to have the parents and life that he has :)

erica on

I’m an only child. I have always hated it.

Shannon on

The child is probably lonely if he doesn’t sees his mother all day. No wonder he wants a sibling. Sad.

Nicole on

I have an older sister. I have always hated it.

Annie W. on

This is such a sensitive topic. I think we all need to be considerate of others feelings and experiences.

cat on

It’s a personal decision depending on how much you can take on physically, emotionally, and finacially. Children are a blessing but sometimes one is enough for a family unit and that is totally ok. As long as you love your child and include lots of activities with cousins and friends their age they are not going to grow up totally bummed not to have a sibling. Only children grow up to be very independent and successful in life as many studies have found.

It’s not the end of the world to have just one baby. If you can afford more than one and make time for more than one that is wonderful. But don’t have a child just because your child requests a sibling. Children request a live pony, and you dont run out and get one right? It has to be a want of the parent not the child. The child isn’t going to be raising the new baby and paying for college, you are.

Anonymous on

I am an only child and loved it as a kid. I used to have nightmares about my parents having another child. I had tons of friends and cousins so I was never lonely.

Now that I am older, I do wish I had a sibling though. Oh well.

Amanda on

I have 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls, my younger daughter asks all the time for a baby sister. I’d be having babies forever if I tried to give my kids’ all the siblings they wanted! You don’t have babies because your kids ask for them, you have them if you are in a situation where you can give another child everything they need and you and your spouse want another child.

I have 4 but I understand it’s not for everyone. I love that they have each other but I’m sure there are benefits to only children too.

I had a brother that was 5 years older than me and to be honest I felt like an only child. By the time I was old enough to remember he was always at friends’ houses, he moved out the minute he turned 18 so from 12 up I was the only child in the house and we still don’t have much of a relationship.

I always wanted more siblings but it is what it is and my parents were not in a situation where having more would have been smart, I appreciate that they used their heads now that I’m an adult.

kirsty on

Im not insecure about my decision, or what Juliana has to say about it. People act like only children have something wrong with them or as JM said she couldnt do that to her child to be an only child, that is what I find offensive.

My daughter is loved and is a very happy child and has a lot of friends and is very outgoing. I’m very secure with my decision and I dont like people saying they feel bad for the child, dont I would say most of the time they are very happy children! I know plenty of people that have more than one child and dont give their kids any attention at all, those are the kids you should feel sorry for!

JM on

kirsty, i’m sorry but i still fail to see how what i said was offensive. if i had said ‘how could YOU do that to YOUR child’ then yes, that would be implying that i thought there was something wrong with your decision.

the bottom line was that i WANTED more children, but when we were out sometimes with my son before we had the other kids i thought about taking him places and how much fun it is to have a sibling around, and i realised that i didn’t just want it for me but also for him. i really felt like he would take to having a sibling and he has actually told me since how much he loves having brothers and sisters. it makes me sad to think he may have missed out on all of that. they are unique bonds.

i know that from my own experience. i have many friends i am very close to, people i have known for years, but the way my brother knows me is unique. only he understands our family as well as i do because he grew up in it, he knows all the intricacies, the little rituals, the silly jokes that are particular to our family. i love that my memories of christmasses, birthdays, family holidays, relatives etc all have him in them.

i feel very privileged to have had a sibling and i think my kids are too.

Jen DC on

Holiday,

I wasn’t lonely. My mother was a wonderful friend; I had an awesome dog; and I learned early on to rely on myself, my wits and to value the fact that there was NO ONE TO TELL ON ME. No one to follow me to the bathroom hoping to play with me, no one who needed help making a sandwich, no one to argue with about what to watch on TV or whose t-shirt it really is. It was an excellent childhood.

In contrast to people with siblings, I’ve found (generally) that I’m better able to entertain myself, I don’t get bored as easily, I read more, I spend more time listening to people rather than trying to force my voice to be heard and I can be a leader as well as a follower with equal ease because I don’t have hang-ups about being first because I’m the “oldest” or needing more attention because I’m “the middle” or being bratty because I’m “the youngest.” I’m a happy singleton, content to have people around or fly solo.

Now things I’m not so good at are sharing things I’ve bought myself – my things are very important to me because I haven’t had to share; being in noisy, crowded environments because I’ve never had to be; or dealing with people who NEED companionship because I don’t need that much and it annoys me to be with someone CONSTANTLY. I also never really got other children when I was a kid, but now as an adult, I’m the most childlike person I know.

Nope, happy singleton. I wouldn’t say I feel “sorry” for people with siblings, but gosh, just the talking and the privacy issues alone give me goosebumps of irritation.

Tee on

JM, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you said anything wrong. Kirsty just took your remarks a little too personally.

Halley on

My son was an only child for 7 years. I ached to give him a sibling for a number of reasons, but mostly, because I knew in my heart that he would be the most amazing big brother, and I wanted to give him the chance. For a long time I thought another baby wouldnt happen for us, and it broke my heart. But, I know that since it was something we wanted badly enough, my husband and I would find a way to make it happen. I feel so blessed that my second son was born last year, and I was correct, my oldest is the most amazing big brother. Our family is complete now.

Everyone has an opinion on family size. I hear that I need to try again “to get my girl,” something I dont feel a need for right now. Family size is a personal choice for every family.

As for Juliana, it sounds to me like she’s trying for another baby and it isnt working, which, at 45 isnt surprising. I wish her best of luck in growing her family, if that is what she and her husband decide they really want to do.

JM on

Tee, thank you, i appreciate that. i certainly wasn’t trying to denigrate someone who decides to have one child. gosh, it’s their decision, i was talking about MY decisions.

Holiday on

Jen DC, well the sad thing is you will truly have no idea about the bond between siblings. My sister and I are 3 years apart and truly she is my best friend. For me I have had friends come and go through the years but my sister is my best friend forever. We are both mamas now too and its so neat to be aunts to each others kids and for our kids to have cousins.

Sadly only kids will never get to experience this… so you truly have no clue how great it can be. Vacations, Christmas morning, Easter etc are so much more fun when you have a sibling to share the memory with. I am so glad my kids get to experience that too.

Shannon on

She could always adopt. Just saying.

Eliza on

I’m an only child and have always been perfectly content with that – as a child I was adamantly against having a sibling (though I think, appropriately, my parents didn’t base their decisions on my opinions). It’s always funny to me when people act as if there’s some kind of stigma attached to being an only child or that we should be pitied; I have many friends who are also only children, and I think we’re all perfectly happy.

I think it’s cute that Julianna’s son asks for a sibling, but I think she’s right – it’ll be fine either way.

E on

I have an older brother (27 months apart) and we speak twice a year. We have nothing in common and haven’t been close since I was 4. It breaks my mom’s heart. I wish I had experienced that special sibling bond I hear so much about! Most people assume I’m an only or the eldest because of how I act (high achiever, independent, responsible, caretaker). I wish I had a sister. Unfortunately my mom had two late term miscarriages.

I wish people wouldnt make assumptions or speak about their experiences out of a subconscious desire to tell you what you’re missing out on! I’m due any day now with my second son but who knows if they’ll be close. There’s no guarantee.

Olive on

The label itself “only child” seems to carry such a stigma. Obviously there will be people that loved AND/OR hated being an only child. I believe it’s subjective to the type of home you grow up in. To the ignorant “Holiday” who name calls a person “lonely only”, it’s sad that you assume that a house with one child is lonely and boring. Our house is FILLED with love, laughter and joy.

How often do second, third and subsequent children get the amount of attention from their parents that they crave? Perhaps not as often as one, because it isn’t physically possible to give to many as it is to one. Thus is why parents of two or more view having one as “easy”. *Last time I checked, it wasn’t EASY to raise a human being, whether it’s one or five*

You aren’t asked as an adult “Are you going to have a child?” No, you’re asked “When are you going to have kids?” Society expects people to have children (plural) because it seems like the obvious next step in life. Most parents have more than one. We all know, there are PLENTY of parents that shouldn’t have one, let alone two or more. Just because you CAN have more than one, doesn’t mean you should! Some can’t imagine having only two if they came from a big family, some can’t imagine having any at all. I believe the decision is purely based on life experiences that shape you into the parent you are.

My mom was an only child of alcoholic parents. *Of course* she was lonely and desperately wanted a sibling. Our daughter will have a vastly different experience and I’m confident, she would never describe her childhood as sad or lonely. She adores both of us because we give her, most of the time, our undivided attention. When she asks a question, we can actually listen and answer. We aren’t so crazed with other children that we didn’t hear her. My husband and I have dealt with infertility for the last 10 years. We have one amazing daughter as a result of excruciating emotional pain and treatments. Our level of appreciation for her is off the charts as a result.

This notion of whether or not a child has a sibling can affect the adjustment or success of that child, that’s crap! Humans are a result of how they are parented. People that choose adverse paths and suffer from severe issues can usually be traced to abusive, inadequate or absent parenting.

In the end, the three of us would LOVE to include another child. In the meantime, we have a ton of fun together in our home and on adventures. I don’t know what our future holds, but I feel it is nothing short of disrespectful to view our family as incomplete, sad or any other negative label.

jjc on

I have a friend who said the same thing…if it happens, it happens. Well, it didn’t and honestly she didn’t really try. She was expecting her second child and it looked hopeful. She started spotting and I told her to go to an obstetrician but she didn’t. She went to work instead. She miscarried. She was 44 and that was it. Her son still asks her for a sibling but it’s too late. The bottom line is she would have had a second child if she really wanted to…she didn’t and neither did her husband.

Her only son is beautiful and I wish all of them the very best. They like what they call their little family and they love to travel. Multiple children with all the ensuing sacrifices isn’t for everyone. Julianna Marguiles is no different. If she wanted another child she would have had one.

Best of luck to everyone in this situation…do not just have another child to assist the one you already have. It would be grossly unfair to the second child. Enjoy what you have and let your only child enjoy the ups and downs of life on your terms..they will thank you for it and go on to have the family they always wanted whether that consists of one or multiple children.

kirsty on

having an only child is an incredible thing. after having my daughter i just don’t think i could have done that to her, to have a brother or a sister.

B.J. on

I don’t think being an only child is some cruel punishment! My mom has an older sister (4 years) who she has never gotten along with. After their mother died, my aunt said (and did) so many awful things that now, they no longer speak. We no longer have contact with her, nor do we care to ever rekindle a relationship. She’s had enough chances to be a sister.

Having more than one kid doesn’t ALWAYS work out for the best! I have an older half-sister and half-brother that I’ve never been close to — and those two have been fighting like cats and dogs their entire lives, sending each other to the hospital on numerous occasions!

Having siblings is not always a blessing, nor is being an only child a curse. My opinion? In this economy, I give kudos to people who stop at one (or like me, choose to not have any!). It’s the reasonable thing to do, if you think about it logically.

Tee on

JJC, how do you know that Julianna “would have had” another child if she wanted one? I read this article differently because to me it really sounds like she and her husband have been trying to have another child and haven’t been successful. What gives you the impression otherwise? Not everyone can have a child when they want one.

heroisms on

In the end of the day, it’s a decision that only the parents can make. It’s cool to have siblings, but most only children I know are perfectly content with it. The important thing is for the family to be happy and well balanced.

*Personally* I wouldn’t like to have an only child because I dread the pressure of it – even subconsciously, all of the parents’ hopes and expectations are placed on that child and it could be devastating if something went wrong. Also, many people don’t ever get married and have families of their own, so I like the idea of having the support of a large extended family of siblings, nephews, and nieces.

damoiselle on

Holiday – good for you that you have such a great relationship with your sister, but it’s a little patronising how you instantly think an only child will be lonely and never know/experience that sibling bond. NO ONE – only child or not – will know/experience the bond between you and your sister. I’m luck to have a fantastic relationship with my sister too, but I don’t assume everyone has a relationship like ours. That sibling bond isn’t automatic, and having a sibling doesn’t necessarily mean a friend for life.

My husband has never gotten along with his sister, and frankly, after all the disgusting things she’s said and done, I am so glad that she’s out of our lives. You can say it’s sad, but our lives are so happier and healthier this way!

Anonymous on

Shannon (the first one)- Julianna isn’t Kieran’s only parent. He has a father, too, so I don’t see why he’d be lonely just because he sometimes doesn’t see his mother all day (I say “sometimes” because she stars on a TV show, and filming on those is usually only a few months out of the year. That means there are probably plenty more days that she spends with Kieran than days she doesn’t!)!

With that out of the way, I have a rather unique perspective on the only child vs. sibling issue…because I’ve seen both sides of the issue firsthand. I have one brother, and I can’t imagine life without him. We’ve been close all our lives, and he taught me all the “important” childhood lessons (such as how to “walk” a slinky down the stairs and how to make a paper cup “telephone”).

My mother, on the other hand, is an only child…and not once has she ever expressed regret about it (she also, incidentally, vehemetly disagrees with the saying, “An only child is a lonely child”!). On the contrary, she always said that growing up, she had “the best of both worlds”. She had cousins who lived just down the street from her, so she could go and play with them and be part of a multi-kid family for awhile, or she could stay home and just enjoy having time to herself.

She also was never bored on vacations…because her cousins (sometimes with their parents, sometimes without) often joined her and her parents for the trip. And since she and her parents tended to keep busy on vacations (sightseeing, going on tours, etc.), she rarely had time to be bored even when her cousins didn’t come!

So basically, my opinion on the matter is that kids can be just as happy being only children as they can be having siblings!

JM on

kirsty, passive-aggresive, nice. and mature! wow, some people just really can’t admit when they were wrong. it wouldn’t have taken much to just say that you over-reacted and apologise. but nah, you’re right this is way more mature.

E it’s interesting that you named some attributes you associate with only children ‘high achiever, independent, responsible, caretaker’. :) those are not at all things i would associate with only children specifically, it’s just down to personality.

and for whomever mentioned the issue of parents having to split their time between kids. of course it’s true that you physically can’t give two children individually as much attention as you would give one. but i can’t say for a second that i lost out. i would not swap the attention i got from my brother for more attention from my parents. and there would be times when my parents could not have paid attention to any child when they were busy (maybe cooking, on the phone, working, in a shop etc) and then it was definitely nice to have another kid around so we could entertain each other.

depite that i was still a kid that was extremely good at occupying myself. that is another thing that i think just comes down to personality. i am naturally an introvert, have always been a big reader (very much so when i was a child) and happily played by myself for hours and yet still always easily made friends. so you see, these stereotypes come down to personality, not how many siblings you have.

Romy on

I thought she said many times that one was good for her? Didn’t she even say that he was a surprise and that she hadn’t planned on having kids?

JM on

* i meant to of course say that those are things that i would NOT associate with only children specifically. typing too fast….

Jen DC on

Holiday, by your logic we happy only children should be equally sad at your piteous state of siblinghood, regardless of your protestations of fun and joy at the state.

However, you’re such a condescending wretch, that I can’t help but laugh at you instead.

Holiday on

Jen DC and you are a spoiled only child brat and even you claim that you do not like to share and like things your way. Typical!! Oh well you are the one missing out! I have a sister and best friend built into one. Im a mama and an auntie… all things you are not.

Liz on

Yes, it’s nice for kids to have siblings growing up, someone in the house to play with. But where it really matters is in adulthood. As an adult I would hate not to have a sibling out there (I actually have three) to share things with. Also, remember: an only child, when (if) they have kids one day-those kids will not have ANY aunts, uncles or cousins on the only child’s side. How sad. People might not think of these things when they’re choosing one child but those are the things I find sad and lonely. I understand that some people can not have more than one and in that case things work out just fine. It can’t be helped and being an only child is fine of course. But is it desirable? Not to me, just being completely honest.

Anonymous on

Liz- My mother, as I’ve said before, is an only child, and I don’t find it sad at all that I don’t have any aunts or uncles on her side (partly because she’s very close to some of her cousins and sees them more as siblings than cousins…and I, therefore, see them more as aunts and uncles than second cousins)!

Jen DC on

Holiday,

Mmm… do you like to share *all* your possessions? And does saying that you don’t like to do something immediately preclude you from being able to do it? And who *doesn’t* like having things their way? But again, just because I like things my way doesn’t mean I can’t be convinced to go into a good compromise or change my mind.

The point is, there is no universal feeling with regard to anything. The things that you value and require are not things I particularly value and definitely don’t require. And that’s ok. The problem with you is that you are of such limited imagination, that it doesn’t seemingly occur to you that the experiences you value aren’t universally valued and there are more ways to live life than that which you have chosen. And neither is greater or less than the other.

Oh, Holiday: I *don’t want to be* a mama! I like being an aunt to the army of children unrelated to me who have lovingly bestowed on me that title. I like being the adult in their lives who’s a little wacky, who still rides her bike and jumps curbs with them; who takes massive pratfalls playing soccer. Their parents don’t do these things. I’m like having a 10 year old friend who can also drive and has her own credit cards and money and whom their parents trust to bring back in one piece. I don’t need shared blood to love or be loved. My heart is bigger than that.

JM – I agree that much of it is personality rather than birth order, but that birth order can explain or seemingly correlates to many of these traits.

Jen DC on

@ Holiday: Oh, and you must realize that your response sounds like you stamping your foot in impotent rage. Again, again!

@ Liz: Sad TO YOU. You guys do know the saying “you don’t miss what you’ve never had” right? You also know that those of us without siblings DO share our lives with others, it’s just that they aren’t related by blood. And that’s what I have – a family not held together by blood ties, but by choice. Better for some things, worse for others, but CHOSEN. You didn’t choose your siblings, your nieces, your nephews; I chose mine.

I mean, I get it. Most of human society’s development was in part predicated on blood/tribal ties. So I’m bucking literally thousands of years of evolution. I’m an outlier. I get it. But y’all are seriously condescending in your “sadness.” Luckily, I’m not sad, so I’m gonna go have a run, then brunch with my non-related buddies.

tlc on

@ Holiday, It’s great that you have a wonderful relationship with your sister..but reality is, not everyone who has a sibling has that. Some siblings don’t even talk, like each other or see each other. Just because you were born into a family with siblings, does NOT mean that you are going to get along.

Trust me, not every family is going to be all sunshine and roses like yours was. I speak from experience….

Jen on

I had infertility when I first tried to have a baby so instead of having a baby at 31,32 I had one at almost 36! I didn’t want to try and have another one right away and in the blink of an eye I was 40. My sons asks for a brother or sister (mostly brother) from time to time but there are advantages to having only one. They get your full attention (although we try not to spoil him), financially you can do more i.e. travel, activities.

It really is a personal choice. Like one person said some siblings don’t even get along so you really have to want to have a second child. Truth be told if most parents of two kids were being honest, I bet they had a second child for the first and not necessarily because they wanted a second.

ClaireSamsmom on

One child or more than one. It’s a personal decision…based on many factors. So many people I know these days are having 3+ kids. My husband and I decided to have 2 and that was great for us.

I would be a little more concerned here with Julianna’s age. While many women are choosing to have children later in life, I think having a baby at 45 puts you and baby at greater risk…things like health issues, high blood pressure, babies born prematurely, and the battery of tests that is done on a mom of advanced maternal age is more in depth….

I feel relieved that I was able to have my children at age 30 & 33. Though I know this isn’t always possible, there are more risks involved later in life with having kids. I hope everything works out great for her.

Marky on

As a L&D nurse, the worst pre-eclampsia I ever saw was in a 20 year old pregnant with her first child, and she went into full-blown Eclampsia, was in a coma for 3 days after delivery and her baby died before she regained consciousness. The truth is, some of you are seemingly unaware that people can have these issues with their first pregnancy and as young mothers, as well as when they are older and have had multiple pregnancies. It is “just one of those things” that happens or doesn’t. Though the rate of Down’s increases somewhat as a mother ages, it is important that it does happen in young mothers also. I won’t even say older mothers always handle these problems better; sometimes the young moms “roll with the punches” in n amazing way.

“Only” or “more than one” is totally a personal choice, and that’s all there is to it. Children do fine either way, and most people know that.

Holiday on

Marky it is true young women can have serious complications. I got pregnant at 21 with my first baby and had zero problems. Then 4 years later I got pregnant with my daughter at age 25 and had HELLP/ and severe Pre eclampsia and was very ill and induced a month early and had an emergency c section. So yes it does happen. But if you look at statistics it is older mothers having more pregnancy complications and babies born with disabilities. The eggs are just so old at that point compared to young moms. And Julianna being 45 is extremely advanced maternal age. I know women her age do get pregnant but it is very rare. Being a young mom is not for everyone but I am glad I had my kids at 22 and 26.

erin on

I have an only child. And I also have two sisters, one of whom is my best friend. I think it’s funny the number of people who feel the need to justify the size of their families with the “a sibling is a gift” argument. If you’re so secure with your decision, why the need to justify it? Why not just say you like kids? Or you want a big family? Every time I hear that I imagine a household where the children are clamoring for attention, and all the while the parent’s feel like they’ve done their duty by providing a sibling.

ClaireSamsmom on

As a former L&D nurse myself, I have to say, that I was greatly aware that not only young moms can have pre-eclampsia and issues, but the older moms were definitely across the board more prone to health problems.

Pandabear on

I am happy that for some of you that your childhoods with a sibling were so wonderful and magical. My brother and I are a year and a half apart, and not close at all. Just because of the close age one could mistakenly assume we’re close but we’re not. I spent most of my time playing alone anyways as a kid. As adults, we’re still not really close. My point is that for all the ” oh a sibling is the best gift for a child ever” comments, Its not everybody’s reality.

Anonymous on

erin- While it’s true that some parents aren’t good at giving equal attention to their multiple children, there are also plenty that don’t pay a lot of attention to their only children. So I don’t think family size is a very good indicator (except in extreme situations, such as the Duggars. Obviously there’s no way they can give all of their kids an equal amount of attention every day!) of whether or not the child or children are getting enough attention.

Julie on

Having an only* child is not always a choice. My husband and I have been trying for over five years to have a second child, for us and as a request from our son. I would adopt but with a biological child my husband is not interested and has valid concerns. We did some fertility treatments but my body didn’t respond. There is so much more that goes into having one, two, three, or more children than making ‘a’ choice.

When you meet a family with one child, while it might be the case they didn’t want more, it would be incorrect to jump to that assumption.

* I hate the term only child. My son is more than an only.

Holiday on

Julie that is sad that you want another but are not able to. I hope by a miracle you do conceive. Moms who never want another because then they cannot give 100 percent of their attention every day to their child are the ones who have bratty kids. They think if they have a 2nd their pampered child will have to learn to share in life and that is just not fair to the child according to those moms.

Jillian on

My best friend and her sister were very close until about a few years ago and now they do not speak and probably never will. So, having siblings is never a guarentee of a best friend or ally. And having children for this reason is just silly.

Younger moms can have plenty of problems. A friend of mine delivered her son 27 weeks stillborn (she is 32). Another friend (30) just delivered her second child at 23 weeks and she is struggling and has so many complications. Her first child was born at 24 weeks. Another friend at 30 had twins at 25 weeks and one passed away at 3 months and the other has a long line of complications. All of these children were born early because of female complications. Ones you wouldn’t think of when you are 30, but it happens.

I also know a handful of people who had successful and uncomplicated pregnancies in their 40′s, including my sisters. You can have complications at any age. My other sister is 30 and is having trouble getting pregnant. Me….I seem to have no problem. Or is that a problem :)

Mommytoane on

For those of you offended you aren’t the only ones. “I’m having a second baby because my first baby wants one” sounds like a very selfish and wrong reason to have a baby. “I’m having a baby because I want one” is a totally different story, and something much happier to hear. People just need to word things properly. But having a second child for your first is the most redic thing I come across. Don’t make excuses to expand your family. Just do it because you want to.

Star on

Wow…way to show your age, kristy. ROFLMAO!

JM, I’m really sorry you had to go through all of this unnecessary DRAMA based off of ONE thing you said about your OWN family.

As someone who HAS been on both sides (I’m the oldest and was an “only child” for almost 9 yrs), I can tell you that I wouldn’t trade my brother for ANYTHING in the world. While having a younger sibling wasn’t the easiest situation after he was a baby (I was HAPPY to help out w/him), I can tell you that now that we’re older, it’s even better.

I think that being the Only Child vs. Having Siblings is sort of like an inverse relationship. I think that the “cons” to having a sibling(s) are the “pros” to being the Only Child, and vice versa. Either way, I LOVE Julianna Margulies. Always have. Always will.

jlm on

I’m just going to leave this here.

“When did we get it in our heads that we have the right to never hear anything we don’t like?” – Bill Maher

JM on

Star, thanks i really appreciate that. i don’t see how my comment to kirsty could have been offensive when it wasn’t even directed at anyone but myself and my family…

and jlm, i totally agree with your statement. it is a much more intelligent thing to say than the usual airheaded thing that some people spout here, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say it’s better to say nothing at all’. what happened to ‘i may not agree with what you say but i will defend to my death your right to say it’ ?

Feiger on

As the oldest of three girls, I always wanted to be an only child. I hated sharing [as did my sisters] but now I am old enough to appreciate the closeness my sister & I would eventually cherish. Now that we are adults [my twin sister has one son who loves being an only child & my younger sister has two sons who adore each other with a six-year age difference] with our own families [my twin sister & brother-in-law live 15 mins away with their little boy & my younger sister lives in Laguna Niguel, CA, with her husband & two sons] we treasure our relationship.

I envy my sisters’ ability to physically have children, but I know that medically & financially, I could not physically have my own children so I love playing the role of doting aunt whenever I can. I fall into “The Grass Is Always Greener” category anyway.

rebeccarosie on

I come from a big family of 6 kids. I loved every moment of it, and all my siblings are close to this day (ranging from ages 30 to 18). A lot of people say that the kids in big families don’t get enough individual attention, but all of us kids got plenty of it. My parents supported us and went to all our school and sporting events. To this day, my mom is my best friend, as are all my sisters. Friends have their own lives, but sisters are forever.

On the other side of the coin, I know only children who are happy too. I also know siblings who don’t get along. It’s true that nothing is guaranteed, and we do all have our own personalities. Even though I grew up in a large family, I’m more of an introvert. I have plenty of close friends, but I’m not outgoing by any means. Some of my siblings are outgoing; some are more like me.

I really don’t believe in the silly hierarchy that oldest are the serious ones…my oldest brother was a clown and is totally spoiled by mom to this day! Same goes for the middle and youngest. My little sister is the sweetest one out of us kids. I think it all boils down to the way you were raised. ANY KID CAN TURN OUT FINE IF THEY GROW UP IN A HAPPY HOME. Do what is best for your family: whether it’s 1, 2, or 7 kids. Don’t let others influence what is best for your family!

SK on

Jen in DC- Thanks so much for your post. I was happy to hear of your experience as a grown only child. I have an only child and he is happy and has actually said that he didn’t want any siblings. I have a younger sister and it was a big part of the reason I didn’t want my son to have the terrible experiences that I had with a sibling!

Ladyfoxx on

I totally hope she has another child,even if she decides to adopt. Children are such a blessing.I remember my son wanted a sibling for awhile until he figured out he would have to share.

Kate on

kristy – “I’m not having a second child because I do not want one and it would be worse for me to have one since I almost went off my rocker and my daughter was a very good baby. Emotionally and physically I know I could not handle it and I think it is more mature to realize that!”

Holy crap, kristy. Maybe you should have made the mature decision and had NO children if you can’t handle it.

Angela on

@Kate, whoa there. Have you ever heard of the baby blues? Some people go through intense emotional and physical turmoil after having a baby. It’s an attitude like yours that many mothers keep it to themselves and suffer silently. It is not your place to call someone out on it. Nobody knows how they will behaving after having a baby. Wow, I am really shocked you would say something so callous.

Brenda on

I had my 7th and final child at age 34 and I definitely felt the difference over being pregnant in my 20′s. I just don’t know how these women go through it in their mid-40′s. I got my first hot-flash at 46 1/2, and I was a mess for about 4 years with constant hot-flashes and menopausal symptoms. I could have never taken care of an infant at the same time. I also remember that at 26, I was one of the youngest moms when I took my first child to kindergarten, and when I took my youngest child I was 39 and one of the older moms. I couldn’t imagine being 50 or 51 taking a child to kindergarten.

DanZ on

JM – What you said was offensive because you phrased having one child as some sort of virus or disease that you couldn’t plague your child with. My only child-daughter comes home from her friends’ house and thanks me over and over again for not “doing that to me!” You really can’t see how what you wrote was offensive?!?

Kimberly on

I am the youngest of 5 kids. I have one son. He’s perfectly fine, happy, and well adjusted.

Honestly, to each his/her own. Whatever makes you happy.

dawn on

My husbands an only child and he hates it. He longed for a sibling growing up. His parents are enormously dependent on him but are backing off. He has no other siblings to bounce stuff off of and as his parents grow older, he would benefit from sibling support. I am there for him, but I am not his sister either.

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