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Elizabeth Banks: Why I Accepted Not Being Pregnant

02/03/2012 at 11:15 AM ET
Courtesy Women’s Health

After years of unsuccessful attempts to expand her family, Elizabeth Banks finally got to experience What to Expect When You’re Expecting — at least on screen.

But off, when the actress and her husband Max Handelman eventually decided to travel down the path of gestational surrogacy, Banks kept her eyes on the prize: her son.

“It helps that other moms had said that once they had their babies, they forgot they were ever pregnant,” she says in the March issue of Women’s Health.

“So once my focus became the baby and not the pregnancy, it was a very easy decision.”

Thrilled to have welcomed Felix last March, the couple still make it a point to carve out plenty of couple time.

Fortunately, 19 years into their relationship — and co-owners of a production company — the pair have mastered a system.

“Working together provides a lot of balance in our life and it’s a way for us to [see each other], because I travel so much for work,” the Man on a Ledge star, 37, explains.

In addition to the demands of her blossoming career, the delicate balance of baby and her marriage allows Banks — who plays Effie Trinket in the highly anticipated Hunger Games film adaptation — to be a “good role model” for the life she leads.

“I have an amazing marriage and it will be long-lasting. I think I’m a good mom,” she says. “I could run for office, no problem, because there are no skeletons in my closet. Not that I would run for office…”

– Anya Leon

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Showing 127 comments

elena on

The only people that forget they have been pregnant,is the ones that havent had a baby inside.Is pretty hard to forget where all the strech marks and orange sking came from…just saying…

edie-day on

not that i forgot about being pregnant … but i have no stretch marks or …orange skin ?? i dont even know what that is.

Shiv on

Having been pregnant last year and experiencing a great, healthy and happy pregancy, and the birth of a wonderful little girl, I certainly will never forget being pregnant.

However, Elena, I’m guessing people she’s hearing this from are maybe close friends or family who, knowing that she couldn’t get pregnant, made it less about being pregnant and more about just being a mom.

djg on

Long marriage in Hollywood, that’s awesome! What a great role model… However, I will never forget being pregnant, what an amazing experience! Congrats on baby.

j on

I’ll never forget being pregnant. It was horrific and life threatening for me, if I could choose surrogacy I would.

Cynthia on

I totally agree ‘from a mom’ I don’t think people that love you & know you can’t naturally have a child would sit there and tell you over and over again how wonderful pregnancy is. Why would you throw that in her face?

I don’t think that she was trying to take away from pregnancy, I think she was just trying to express that it means at the end of the day, the most important thing to her is her son, not HOW he got here.

ashlieb on

i loved being pregnant.. and certainly will never forget it..remembering how i felt makes me want to be pregnant again!!! happy for her though!

Nicole on

I think what people mean when they say “I don’t even remember being pregnant” is that they are so overwhelmed with joy and love for this new child that the pregnancy seems like a thing of the past.

Think about it, you are pregnant for 40 weeks… so its all you can focus on. What your next appointment entails, when will I start showing, when will I feel the baby move, etc. So when the baby FINALLY arrives you are just so overjoyed that the pregnancy is no longer in the forefront of our brains.

I, too, have stretch marks (but have no idea what orange skin is) but the 40 weeks leading up to the baby became a blur once I held her. Of course I remember being pregnant but I’m more likely to think back on those “baby days” with my daughter than the time when I was pregnant.

Sometimes people should think before posting. :)

Sara on

No one forgets the kicks the bumps, the labor pains and pushing that not-so-little-head out of “down there” (or being cut up and put back together again in the case of a c-section).

I’m glad they told her that to make her feel better though, she sounds really insecure about not birthing her son, which is understandable.

JMQuinn on

You’re pregnant for 9 months but a mother for a lifetime. Yes, experiencing pregnancy is great but becoming a mom is greater. My sons are adults now and my pregnancies are a blur. What I remember are the wonderful milestones in their lives and the joy they continue to give me.

I’m happy to know Elizabeth Banks has her priorities straight!

ann on

i beleive what she is trying to say is that being pregnant is a tiny portion of forming a family. And truly, if you think about it, where a baby comes from have very little signifcance one he/she is here.

Pregnancy is not the end-all-be-all of a woman’s life. It sounds a little mean girlish to try to say, oh, it must be friends not wanting to hurt her feelings. What does it matter?

Kerri on

I think the point is that the pregnancy only lasts 9-10 months while the child will be around much longer than that. You are a Mom longer than you are a Pregnant Woman, so there’s no need to focus on the being pregnant part.

Congrats to you, Elizabeth! Being a mom is a wonderful journey, fraught with ups and downs, but it’s worth no matter HOW it occurs. And I’d vote for you in a heartbeat. :-)

kjc on

I struggled for 3 years to hold a pregnancy. After several miscarriages I finally gave birth to a healthy baby boy last spring. I can tell you that while I loved being pregnant, and knowing there was a life growing inside me was amazing, the real gift was when I held my baby for the first time, and the 9 months since watching him grow.

I completely agree with what Elizabeth is saying… Although I’ll never forget my pregnancy, having that healthy baby here is what is most important.

mommy2b2012 on

I am currently pregnant, and I know I forgot all the hardships of my last pregnancy until I entered this one! I think bottom line, it does not matter how you got your little bundle of joy, the old fashioned way, IFV or other artificial treatments, surrogacy, or adoption, all the matters in the long run is that you have that little baby in your arms! All that really matters is that you can hold them, love them, raise them, care for them, and be a parent!!!!

Daisy on

As a woman who has experienced both infertility and the loss of a pregnancy, I commend Elizabeth on both her decision to utilize a surrogate, as well as her public statement as to why. Congratulations on such a beautiful family! I wish you all a lifetime of happiness.

Beth on

I agree with most of the PP. I absolutely loved being pregnant and hope that some day I am again. I am very happy for her, as being a mother is probably the best thing I have ever done with my life.

jm on

I know lots of people love being pregnant and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Pregnancy and child birth ain’t all roses and sunshine though. Then those first few months… I mention that only to say that there is quite a bit forgotten after a few months/year or so otherwise we would never do it a second, third, etc. time. That is the “forgetting” to which I think she and her family and friends were probably referring to.

aroseadiamond on

I can’t believe that so many of the comments in response to this article are about not forgetting that you were ever pregnant. From the article it sounds more like an offhand comment to psychologically motivate herself to focus on the baby- which is the end goal of pregnancy!

The article was about a woman who tried for many years to get pregnant, couldn’t and followed another path. She didn’t say that being pregnant wasn’t an important or legitimate experience- just that shew wasn’t able to have that experience. She told her own story. If all you took from this was the opportunity to post about your own pregnancy, that is ridiculous.

Congrats to Elizabeth, a 19 year relationship is Hollywood is amazing. She seems to be down to earth and I’m sure will be a great mom- no matter what her journey to motherhood was!

K.M. on

Like many have said already, I will never forget being pregnant. It was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had, next to the medication and intervention-free birth.

However, I wouldn’t put that in someone’s face who couldn’t go through it themselves that wanted to, and I would hope that others would have that same respect.

I’m really happy for her and others that have been successful in conception and parenting alternatives. I think it’s awesome that we have more options for people than we had in years past.

sal on

I agree with the posts that suggest that it was probably close friends and family who were trying to be supportive and encourageing that told her you forget being pregnant.

There is NOTHING cooler than feeling a little baby hiccup inside of you!

Junkie on

Um, I think Elena needs to talk to her doctor. Orange skin from pregnancy? Never heard of such a thing.

I know what she means though. You don’t “forget” being pregnant, but once you have that baby in your arms, it doesn’t matter how it got there.

Pogue Mahone on

Being prego is a gift, a blessing and a miracle as well as one of the most awesome experiences in life. Too bad she missed out on it. Most people that have surrogates are just simply selfish and don’t want to “ruin” their bodies.

Junkie on

Nobody ever chose surrogacy to maintain a perfect body, it’s just sick that people would say such a thing. You have to have mental evaluations before using a surrogate and it would never be approved for such a frivolous reason. That kind of attitude is what makes women feel ashamed about their fertility issues.

ali on

I’m counting down the weeks to my due date… I am very very very grateful for my pregnancy and that I am able to (for the second time) bring a child into this world. That being said, it is tough on me.

I’m 26 weeks and 3 days in and have been throwing up daily for months among some other not so fun “pregnancy perks”. When my husband and I made the choice to expand our pregnancy it was never about getting pregnant, but having a second child.

I agree with what Elizabeth is saying, although pregnancy is an amazing thing, it is merely the means to the end (or I suppose a beginning). The focus should always be the baby, child, teen and adult to come.

If I decide to expand my family again, it will absolutely be through adoption and not through pregnancy (because I really struggle with pregnancy although as I said before I am very grateful every minute for it) because all that really matters is holding my baby.

There is certainly no wrong way to become a mother and I applaud those who use surrogacy, adoption, or pregnancy as a way to get there if you’re going to love and care for your child.

Ellie on

Obviously, none of those cheering about pregnancy had severe “morning” sickness (or hyperemesis gravidarum) during their entire pregnancies – I don’t wish one day of that hell upon my worst enemy. Pregnancy is almost a death sentence for some of us, and we only go through it to have the baby.

Elizabeth, I’m glad you have your head on straight! These weepy emotional bags that call themselves women have obviously had it a little too easy with the child-bearing, to throw that crap in your face.

T on

Pregnancy creeps me out. With all the possible complications, i wonder why anyone would want to put themselves through that. Ruptured unterus, risk of bleeding to death during childbirth, strech mark, morning sickness, But I guess the human race has to continue on…If you want to put yourself through that, be my guest, me? No way!

Banks tried to get pregnant, but was unseccessful thats why she used a surrogate :)

Amanda on

They may not be in the closet, but accepting the role in “Zack and Miri make a Porno” is definitely a skeleton. I consider myself a fairly liberal and open-minded person, and even I thought that movie was digusting. Whenever I see her now, all I think about is that movie and then I change the channel.

gina on

i think elena meant to say orange peel skin.

Danielle on

If you have the money and don’t want to destroy your body….have a surrogate….because having a baby is not a picnic…..it’s painful and dangerous……they say you have one leg in the cemetery and another in the grave…..!

ali on

Pretty sure I have never ever heard of someone using surrogacy to avoid ruining their bodies.

And yes pregnancy is a blessing and a miracle, but for some people pregnancy is not a walk in the park or even an option (hyperemesis, gestational diabetes, miscarriages, still births, abruptions, preterm labor, etc. etc. etc.) And people can be so quick to jump on people for choosing something like surrogacy over adoption, but unless they have first hand adoption experience (time, energy, cost, uncertainty, etc.) then people should really just worry about themselves and the way they choose to create a family.

People can be so judgmental!

Taylor on

I went through years of infertility treatments, to later become pregnant naturally. I was overjoyed, but that pregnancy ended in a 7 wk miscarriage, and which I finally had to have a D&C. I enjoyed being pregnant, and going through a 7 wk miscarriage was one of the hardest things ever, especially after so many infertility problems.

However, a week or two later we received an email from a family member who knew someone, who knew someone, asking if we would adopt a baby to be born in 5 weeks. She’s now my 3 mo daughter. So I’m glad friends and family helped her realize it doesn’t matter how her baby got here b/c in the end, your family has grown and it’s wonderful.

Misty on

She wanted to be pregnant, she couldn’t. Nobody’s saying that’s not an amazing thing (I myself have chosen to not have kids, so I don’t have the personal experience), but she’s got it right: the baby is what matters. Not how it got here.

McToad on

Why are you people focusing on being pregnant? Having a child is the best gift ever, even if you didn’t carry him/her in your own belly.

SoniaSonia on

I definitely have forgotten all about being pregnant and delivering. My daughter is going to be 16 years old in a few weeks, and being pregnant seems a lifetime ago.

Furthermore, delivering a baby is not the awful and painful experience they make it seem in the movies. It went by in a blur. I do not have any stretchmarks. I don’t know if stretchmarks would be a reminder, like some poster said, but I doubt it.

Great to know that some Hollywood marriage do last!

Linney on

Pogue Mahone, thanks for your completely useless and thoughtless contribution to the discusion. “Too bad she missed out on it…” What a selfish, unkind comment.

Leslee on

My take on her statements are not that you literally forget being pregnant but it’s just not so much of an issue once your child arrives. Your child is the focus, rather than the belly. Throwing up, a baby kicking or delivering breech is usually small potatoes compared to the other things kids have in store for you.

Randi on

I too get what she was meaning. I remember saying each time after I gave birth that I could do it again because as soon as the baby is in your arms the pain and uncomfortablness of being pregnant and delivering starts to fade.

A mother is a mother, how dare we judge each other so harshly and put ourselves “above” someone who needed help starting a family.

j on

Ellie, I had HG. I know the hell. You don’t forget it, its engraved in your head for life. But then sometimes, you do say, oh maybe it wasn’t so bad, I want another one…so you do sort of “forget”

Catca on

I have stretch marks and I don’t look at them as a reminder of pregnancy, I pretty much don’t look at them or fuss about them at all.

I had complications and my pregnancy was life threatening for me just like for another poster, but I still don’t spend much time, if any, thinking about the pregnancy – just on my son now. If I sit down to make a point of remembering the pregnancy, yes, of course I remember what’s it like to be pregnant which I found to be a wonderful experience, complications and stretch marks included. But I kind of have to make a point of thinking about it so I would say for me, yes, I have forgotten all about the pregnancy and just think about my son.

On a side note, Elizabeth looks fabulous in that magazine cover!

amy on

she’s just saying that it’s not about being pregnant, it’s about having the baby.

yes you remember being pregnant, but it’s not what’s important compared to having the baby afterwards.

seriously, you people are such b*tches.

Ellen on

As the mother of biological children and an adoptive child, I understand the comment about forgetting pregnancy. Ultimately, it is the child. I love all my children from the depths of my soul and it doesn’t matter where they came from.

Holly on

The whole pregnancy experience can be quite hard on a woman’s body.. especially as they get older.

sue on

I hated being pregnant. She’s not missing anything. Feeling sick all all day long, peeing all the time, not sleeping. Gaining weight, breastfeeding, ugh. Then 2 c-sections. I would love a 3rd, but can’t do it to my body. Surrogacy is the way to go!

Katie on

Well after my births, I forgot about the pain but not the pregnancy itself. I enjoyed both of mine and hope to enjoy more in the future! Orange skin? After idodine was put on it? Not sure what that is.

NikNak on

You guys are kind of awful. The point is that getting pregnant is not about the pregnancy but the baby. A pregnancy that results in a stillborn is not a memory people want to hold on to.

The baby is what’s most important. Pregnancy is only beautiful b/c you know you are participating in creating another human being. The human being is what counts.

Katie on

P.S. Wish Beyonce was this open with her surrogacy!!

molly.one on

Uh…Pogue Mahone, Elizabeth Banks isn’t “selfish” and didn’t do surrogacy because she doesn’t want to ruin her body, she had numerous years of infertility issues. I think you need to think before you write. Clearly, you are an ignorant and unkind person.

And while pregnancy is a great blessing to be able to experience it is not the end-all-be-all to becoming a mother. I remember having to “mourn” the idea of never being able to experience pregnancy after several miscarriages/surgeries etec. only to be pleasantly surprised to naturally conceive years later. However, after having my healthy son, and gratefully so, I realized pregnancy was not the prize and goal…the child is/was. Now we are expecting a second child via adoption and it will be just as joyous as an event as the pregnancy/birth of our first child.

Kudos to all women becoming mothers, no matter the journey to get there!

Mira on

Elena’s comment makes no sense whatsoever. The people who have never had a baby inside have never been pregnant, hence they can’t either remember or forget it.

melissa on

I think you are reading into a little too much, its meant to mean I believe that it’s not forgetting you were ever pregnant but that you move on after pregnancy and the focus is on the baby, not the feeling of being pregnant.

JenL on

The article stated the they had tried for YEARS to get pregnant. After that much heartache it would be amazing to choose an option that still lets you be a mommy. Being pregnant, adopting, surrogacy even foster parenting is all about providing a new life the best foundation to be a productive human. That’s what we should be critical of, not how you got to be a mom. Be a good parent and raise happy, well-adjusted childern who contribute to society and create positive change.

Julie on

As someone who is preparing to begin IVF, I have totally changed my thought process about ‘baby making’. I used to think I’d get married, and when we were ready to have a baby, *poof*…I’d get pregnant. That was not the case…marriage for me, yes, but, pregnancy, no. A few years ago if you’d ask me what you thought my life would look like (family-wise), I’d say that my husband and I would have 2.5 kids. A girl, boy and then another girl on the way. Who was I kidding!? :-) Now, at this stage in the game, we’d be beyond overjoyed to have one healthy baby to love and raise.

That being said, though I am looking forward and hopeful to experience the journey of pregnancy, I do realize that all that matters in the end is that you have a baby in your arms. No matter how it got there…from your body or someone else’s. And yes, I do think the people in Ms. Banks’ life made those comments to her to comfort her and support her. I applaud her for being so open and honest about her journey to become a mommy.

***and for all you commenters who will read this post and remark that “you don’t need to be married to have a baby”, let me stop you before your fingers hit the keyboard. I get it. Single or partnered up, it doesn’t matter. I’m just commenting that I AM MARRIED. I am not implying in any way that you need to be, too***

TJ on

She’s been through a long battle to have a baby. She’s trying to make herself feel a little better about not being pregnant. I’d give her a break.

I went through years of infertility also but did finally get pregnant and have a wonderful boy. It was very tough road though.

Erin on

Jeeze, everyone seems to have latched on to the “forgot they were ever pregnant” part of her interview. Give the woman a break. Clearly she was making the point that it’s not about HOW you get your baby, it’s THAT you get your baby and that the second they arrive, that’s what leaves the lasting impression. Not necessarily the 9 months you were pregnant.

carrie on

It does not really explain why she chose surrogacy. Did she do it because she could not carry a child to term, or because she did not want stretch marks?

Lili on

I can not have a bio baby but I plan on adopting when the time is right. It is sad that the only thing people are commenting on is the one comment about about “not remembering being pregnant”. If thats how she looks at her situation and it makes her feel better who is anyone else to judge.

Part of what makes this world so special is how we all look at things from a different perspective. I choose to look at my situation as an opportunity rather than a disappointment. Congratulations to Elizabeth on her family.

Anonymous on

PLEASE do the proper research an get the information correct! It is NOT called Surrogacy! It is called using a Gestational Carrier. REMEMBER Baby M?

A woman cannot donate her eggs and womb to the sperm and couple. If eggs are needed they are donated and a Gestational Carrier is used for the womb. Sorry to sound so impersonal. It is a beautiful wonderful thing.

BBB on

It seems like you’re all against the idea of having a surrogate just to not ruin your body. Obviously this isn’t the case in the article, but why is that a problem?

I gained a lot of weight due to my poor ability to deal with a highly emotional relationship. Now I’m in the process of losing it all, A LOT of pounds here. It’s a lot of work, a lot of being hungry all the time, a lot of mental and physical effort to lose 75 lbs while balancing all the rest of my life.

When the day comes to have a baby I’d actually like to have a surrogate. I don’t want to have to deal with the anguish of losing weight again. Is that selfish? Um, I guess. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be a loving, wonderful mother. I’ll just be one that doesn’t resent having to have been pregnant and gained MORE stretch marks and weight than I can mentally deal with.

NikNak on

And to the ‘orange’ skin comment, I have a strong feeling that the person is foreign and is using literal translation. In German, they say literally “organge skin” because if you look at the skin of an orange and cellulite it looks pretty similar.

NikNak on

And I just knew someone would bring up Beyonce, with their dumb conspiracy theories.

Janet on

Ok I need to know what this orange skin thing is???? As for stretch marks after two pregnancies and one with precemsia (sp) where my skin was put to a stretch point like no other I have no idea what orange skin is.

I will never forget any of my pregnancies but must say that EVERY day I look at my children and feel so very blessed to have them. With that the pregnancy yes was a memory BUT the children I got from them is by far overshadowed. If I had to compare the pregnancy memories over the children I have on a daily basis the pregnancy memories would lose by far.

Cherish everyday you have…..both good and bad……THOSE are your best memories!!!!

meghan on

Carrie, be stupider.

meghan on

carrie, try following the link, moron.

Sandy on

To say you don’t remember being pregnant is pure RUBBISH. It’s been 9 years since my last and I totally remember it all. I especially miss the first feelings of my child moving inside of me! And laying in bed at night and my husband laying his hand on my pregnant belly and feeling our child move around. It was amazing!!! I’m sad I will not have those feelings again.

carol on

good for you ;)

boohoobytch on

don’t have kids, don’t want kids and definitely don’t want this stretch mark/orange skin that you people are yapping about..congrats to her either way

MRJ on

I agree with what Ann said.

Being pregnant is such a minute portion of the parenting process. People go to such lengths to try and make it memorable and such when really in the long run it’s what you do for the years afterwards that mean more than that birth ever will. Children will not remember if they were breastfed or not, if they had a home birth or even they’re circumsisions.

They will remember their childhood and whether or not they had loving and caring parents. Think about the act of being a parent more than the process of getting the child because where the child came from and how it got there doesn’t amount to a hill of beans compared to raising it.

maggie on

I had my children 26 and 24 years ago, I’ll never forget pregnancy or giving birth, but in the end it’s all about the baby. Congrats, and enjoy motherhood.

Holiday on

I loved being pregnant and will never forget the experience. In fact I treasure the who experience even though my 2nd pregnancy I nearly died from complications due to pre eclampsia and HELLP.

Anyhow I am so glad I experienced 2 pregnancies have have a handsome son and beautiful daughter. However it does not make you any less of a mom if you have a surrogate, adopt or carry the pregnancy yourself. It shouldnt take away or discredit you at all if you do not carry your own child!

For me being pregnant was an added bonus, I loved feeling them move, rubbing my tummy and seeing little body parts wiggling around under my skin.

Sarah K. on

Pogue Mahone and Carrie, she struggled through years of infertility with no success. How tactless to accuse her of being “selfish” and conceited enough to want to avoid stretch marks.

Mandy on

It’s no ones business but she could have just told the truth. Everyone who has been pregnant remembers being pregnant. It’s really hard to forget growing a baby inside you.

Disgusted on

I find so many of these comments so insensitive and judgmental of woman who could not have a child the “normal” way. Must be nice that your lives turned out so perfectly, but that’s not the reality for all women.

I commend her for talking about her struggles openly and being a voice for women who didn’t have the perfect experience like the women who chose to comment on this article.

Sun on

Elizabeth Banks is on record (in previous interviews) for saying that she couldn’t carry a pregnancy to term, had multiple miscarriages, etc., which is why she chose surrogacy. I’m all for women to become mothers in any way that they can — naturally, adoption, surrogacy — if motherhood is their goal. However, we tend to equate motherhood with pregnancy, and forget that not all women can become mothers this way.

Melissa on

In 1987 I was a surrogate mother. This was a very controversial situation at that time and I am really happy that it is now an acceptable option for people–families are built in many different ways. I have 2 daughters so was very lucky not to have fertility issues, and was very honoured to be able to assist the couple that chose me to have their son. It was my egg but that did not matter–it was the fastest way to get pregnant (it took one try!!) and much easier than having to get hormone shots. Congratulations!!

millbrae on

agreed with the previous post. If you don’t remember your pregnancy, you probably had a surrugate. I loved being pregnant and all the ups and downs. By the way, she has flat abs because guess what? she never had to carry her baby inside her womb. Let’s get realistic people !

doodlbeug on

Sorry, but I still can not support surrogacy. In most cases it is nothing more than exploiation of poor women by rich women. I am glad she has a baby, but not the way it was achieved. Adoption is a much better way to go. Give a child a home who really needs one. Sure it won’t be your biological child. Ask any parent who has adopted is that baby is theirs? Of course it is. Plus there are so many older babies and children that need homes. But everyone wants the white newborn. So they go to any length to achieve that goal. Wonder how the surrogate feels now that she has nurtured and grown your child for you like she is some disposible container?

Melissa on

@Doodlebeug, I was not exploited when I had the surrogate baby. I can only answer for my situation, but I did not need the money, was a college graduate, married, with a good job and one daughter.

I was a surrogate so that I could help someone have a baby. I view it as if I had been an organ donor and they rented my uterus for 9 months. I did not need that egg that month. I am against surrogacy if it exploits the woman or misrepresents the situation.

jenigirl on

doodlebug–

The surrogate mother feels just fine. She cashed her big check and whenever she gets weepy about being treated like a disposable container, she just looks at her bank balance, pours herself a glass of wine and thinks about being able to help someone else while still making money.

No tears for grownups who make grownup decisions about what’s best for them and their life. Their reality is not necessarily your reality, so don’t be so judgey.

Carmel on

If I could have paid someone to be pregnant for me, with my egg & hubby’s sperm, WOW would I have been all over that! Keep your figure AND get a baby, aces LOL I’m sure she’s thinking of her career and trying to keep her shape, it’s not just about being unable to conceive

firecracker on

Way to go moms. If you were able to conceive and carry a child full term and deliver a beautiful baby, then you should feel very lucky.

However, imagine if you could not experience a pregnancy. And then imagine coming to a website after coming to terms with your inability to be pregnant and read all these happy mommy’s comments on here voicing how wonderful of an experience it is to carry a child under your heart for 9 months and that you will never forget that blessing and then think about how awful you would feel to read that.

So coming here and commenting that “I will never forget my pregnancy”..blah.blah.blah. and “Oh my God, it was the best feeling ever!” was like you are rubbing somebody’s wound with salt. Think about it…..

So Elizabeth, your friends and family were correct…in the grand scheme of things, being pregnant isn’t the rewarding part. It’s being a mom that makes your heart sing.

kjc on

Why is everyone commenting about how this is her way to keep her shape – have any if you read the first line of the story?!?

Shannon on

How can a mother forget being pregnant? That’s just silly.

kimmie on

How is adoption better? We tried to adopt a baby, but after 4 years of waiting and $16.000 our adoption bancrupted, not before they tried to get extra $4.000 out of us saying we had to do another homestudy, and now if we decide to continue, it would cost us $6.000 just to start working with another agency, with no baby or guuarantee in sight. Adoption is the hardest and most difficult way to get a baby. If we decide to pursue no-biological baby, we will go the surrogate route most likely.

Jen on

@firecracker, I think your post is the only one that made any sense on here. To me, being pregnant is just a formality you have to go through to have a baby. It wasn’t fun, after your stomach starts getting big and you have to wear gunny sacks for clothes, you feel rancid. Thank God I didn’t get any stretch marks out of my five. I don’t want a reminder. That baby that came with each c-section made up for it all, just to see them and have one to hold again.

Marie on

I loved being pregnant…although I do not remember being orange at anytime.

The latter part of my pregnancy became life threatening & my baby came early, still would love more.

I think she is saying that is not what you focus on or many would not go for round, 2, 3 4, etc.

It is about the children & the here & now.

Camie on

@ Pogue – how much of this article did you ACTUALLY read? She didn’t choose surrogacy because she was vain and selfish; she wanted a child but could not conceive. I think her friends and family are wonderful to be so sensitive to her feelings.

Sherri P on

Carrie if you read the comments you would it’s VERY common knowledge that they tried for years to get pregnant and were not able to. That is why they used a surrogate, and good for them.

As for pregnancy I really do look at it through rose colored glasses, I think I loved it, but then people remind me how horrible it was, lol. I wish I were pregnant again, but really that’s because I love my children so much and desperately want to add to my family. I’d take a baby however it comes.

Amanda K on

I think it’s great that she’s now a Mom. No matter how she became one. I can’t believe some of the negative comments. Women should be supporting one another not being critical over how someone became a Mom.

Sherry on

She sounds like a great role model for women that have to use other methods to expand their family.

As for pregnancy, I am very fortunate to have my 2 daughters now aged 16 and 14.Doctors told me when I was a teenager I would be lucky to conceive let alone carry to term.My maternal family history is of miscarriages, stillbirths, and difficult pregnancies.

I almost died having my oldest daughter after a difficult pregnancy, my 2nd was a bit easier and I experienced multiple miscarriages.

My daughters are a gift from God.

Steph on

Geez, she is trying to focus on the positives of her situation. She obviously wanted very badly to experience pregnancy and has probably spent years already grieving the wonderful parts of carrying a baby, like feeling kicks, that she had to miss out on. So how mean is it to go on and on about how much you cherished and enjoyed it? It’s not like she’s going to read all these comments, but still, that’s not something you’d say to her face if you were her friend.

Pretty much everyone can understand labor amnesia, how you forget the pain once you have your baby. Her friends were probably likening pregnancy to that. You do forget a lot of the bad parts after a while, and in your daily life you probably don’t regularly reminisce about your pregnancies. You are too busy with motherhood and life. Of course you don’t forget you were ever pregnant, that’s not what they meant.

Also, only the first pregnancy is a big deal. The rest, you are too busy to pay much attention. Plus, what are her friends going to say, I loved every minute, you really missed out? Of course not.

Renee on

I may be the odd one out here but once my daughter was born I did kind of forget the pregnancy. I’m now pregnant again and for me it’s not a big deal… I’m more focused on the baby at the end. For me the most important thing is my children, not how they get here.

I do hope that those who can’t carry their own children realise that yes pregnancy is a blessing, but it’s not everything. Your kids are far more special regardless of who carried them to term :)

Jacqueline on

Ummm….how old is Elizabeth Banks? “19 years into their relationship…” I thought she was fairly young? Am I missing something or is that typo?

Leah on

I have 3 kids. 4.5 years old, almost 3 and almost 1 years old. I loved being pregnant and really tried to savour each pregnancy (especially my last pregnancy since it is my last pregnancy. Each time one of my babies were born it always felt like the pregnancy had never happened which is why for the next baby I tried hard to remember all the good and uncomfortable about the pregnancy. Of course I remember my 3 pregnancies but it still feels like the pregnancies never really happened so I completely understand what she is saying.

Leah on

and with my 3 pregnancies I never had orange skin and no stretchmarks. Just a bit of a stretched out belly button!

Anonymous on

Elizabeth has said many times that she used a surrogate because she couldn’t carry a pregnancy to term herself (she’s said that she had several miscarriages), and that she and her husband tried for YEARS to have a baby the “natural” way before turning to surrogacy. She didn’t do it to keep her figure (and as junkie pointed out, just like with adoption, you have to go through mental evaluations and such before being approved for using a surrogate and there’s no way you’re going to get approved if you want to do so just because you don’t want to ruin your body!).

Imagine having tried everything to have baby, only to find out that your body just won’t cooperate and then reading that you turned to surrogacy because you didn’t want to ruin your figure. Geez, how heartless can people get?! Really, it’s no wonder that celebs aren’t always open about things like this!

Anonymous on

Jacqueline, it says right in the article that she’s 37 (“the star, 37, explains”). So 19 years ago she would have been 18, which is definitely on the young side to be getting married. But note that the wording used was “19 years into their relationship” not 19 years into their marriage. So my guess is that they’re including the time Elizabeth and her husband dated and were boyfriend and girlfriend as well as the time they’ve been married (in otherwords, they may not have actually been married for 19 years).

Sherie on

I never forgot being pregnant…ever.

Liz on

@ Elena – your comment is very offensive to those of us who have medical issues preventing us from bearing our own children! You need to learn respect towards those of us who cannot be mothers!

Jillian on

I totally get and agree with what she is saying. I have been pregnant with all of my children. I have four children and am expecting my fifth. I love being pregnant, even though I have had rough times getting pregnant and staying pregnant, I loved every moment. I even loved it thru the morning sickness and having four children while being pregnant.

BUT, what I love the most is the children I have and not how they got here. They are our children and no matter how they came to be, I love them for who they are, not for the months I was pregnant. Those months are gone and I am building new memories with my children. I don’t sit and think of when I was pregnant with them, I do think of when they were born and hats in my heart and it doesn’t matter how or where they were born.

Jillian on

Jaqualine,

They met 19 years ago while at college. They married in July 2003.

Marky on

Some of you posters are just over the top! I had an easy pregnancy and then discovered 1 1/2 years later that I had secondary infertility. No treatment available, even fertility drugs, didn’t help at all. I was devastated initially, then decided to adopt, which at that time was much easier than now. All I could think of was how I didn’t appreciate the experience enough. We adopted, it was a fantastic experience and we were so grateful.

I did get pregnant later, and what I realized is, although I had a great pregnancy, relished every second, and sometimes reminded myself I “would never get this chance again so don’t forget how you feel”, when the baby cam, I was thrilled she was okay, and just wanted to go home and be with my kids to enjoy my new family.

Adoption, pregnancy, and surrogacy are all means to having a family and are all appropriate. Anyone who “looks down their nose” at someone who uses a surrogate, or adopts, and minimizes that experience, has a world of personal problems themselves.

If you are being snobby and rude about EB using a surrogate, you haven’t tried to negotiate the world of adoption these days. And, from my own experience, good luck on that adopting a 10 year old who has been in the system all their lives. You may think they can’t wait to be part of your family, but they (many times) don’t even know how to be part of a family, and may not be able to adapt at all, even with a world of therapy. For couples who have never parented, that is not the best way to go, as a general rule.

Before you jump down my throat, I am an adoptive parent to more than one child, and worked adoptions also. I also was a foster parent for years. I am not without knowledge in this field, but I AM without rose-colored glasses, and while there are some good stories about adopting older children, there are also some very sad ones. Don’t tell others how to build their family; it is not okay, period, blog or no blog.

Debbe on

Great for her and her happiness. But kinda jealous that she will get to call herself “mom” but physically have the body of a woman who never had a baby…so she has an advantage most women do not have.

Our sacrifice for having a baby is giving up that pre-pregnancy bod. We can get in shape after having a baby as much as we like, but it is never ever ever ever the same again, width, texture, shape, curves, things are somehow different to our shape.

I am proud but to see a woman flaunt her sexy photo as mama, well, it just does not show the majority of us. We normally have stretch marks or something and would not show our stomachs much anymore.

Tina on

As a mother of one child that I gave birth to and one child that I adopted, I believe she is saying that her friends told her that the pregnancy is not the FOCUS, the child is the important thing.

I can not believe how idiotic and mean-spirited the people are that comment on here…being able to give birth doesn’t make you a good mother. Doing your best to raise your children with love and caring, no matter how they came into your life….that’s what makes a good mother.

Julie on

I got pregnant on my last try of fertility treatments and had accepted that I would never be pregnant as well. Now after having my son, I realize how over rated pregnancy was. Like others have posted, it is such a small part of parenting! I can’t have any more and wouldn’t want to be pregnant again anyway. Unfortunatley, it doesn’t help much to hear that when you are in the middle of the torment of infertility.

kelbelle on

I’ve been pregnant twice…and I remember everything….they were the two best experiences of my entire life. I also have felt the pain of not being able to stay pregnant…as I have had recurrent miscarriages from 2000-2009. We had talked about gestational surrogacy also…but we could never afford it.

Elizabeth is very lucky to be able to have the chance to be a mother using that process. I wish we could have done it. truthfully…no its not about the pregnancy…although it is a wonderful thing…ultimately it is about the baby and raising a child together and being a family.

Alison on

Who cares where the baby came from? The point is that a person who was so desperately wanting to be a mommy is now one. Mothers are not defined by whether or not the baby was carried in their body. Mothers are defined by how they love and care for their children.

JMO on

So let me get this straight. If you decide that you are too scared to have a baby and/or just don’t feel the need to carry one for whatever reason you’re “selfish”. Who gave everyone that right to judge someone else’s life? I don’t care what people do. Adopt, surrogacy, give birth to 20 kids!! It’s each person’s personal decision to do what they wish with their bodies (or not with their bodies) and it should be nobody’s business how their child got here! If you have the money to have a baby and not want to be pregnant so be it! Not everyone wants to “experience” pregnancy but many do want to experience motherhood!!!

Lainie on

My child is 8 years old. Being pregnant is just a distant memory.

Karin on

Actually, I don’t really remember being pregnant now. My youngest is in high school. I remember bits and pieces but most isn’t really memorable. I remember the first more. The rest…not so much. Pregnancy is just a means to an end. The part that counts is the baby.

Karen on

Well as someone who is adopted and can’t get pregnant. Practically anyone can give birth but not everyone can be a mom.

LuvBigCity on

Rub it in her face ladies! You are all doing an awesome job letting her know that IF she could have gotten pregnant she would have never forgotten. It had to have been hard on her but the most important thing is being a mom. Adoption, surrogacy, or biological.

Lisa on

This woman has had to go through so many emotionally devastating moments before getting this precious baby. I had a hard pregnancy, but I’m willing to bet her path of infertility/surrogacy was harder. It can also be hard on a marriage. So please don’t judge/hate. Glad they now have their beautiful family. Congratulations and best of luck!

jessicad on

I can’t believe these comments! Why bother commenting if you’re just trying to rub it in her face that you didn’t forget your pregnancy and tell us all how amazing it was, some of you are just MEAN and looking to hurt feelings, so sad.

Anonymous on

Debbe- Would you be saying the same thing if she had adopted? She would have kept her figure if she went that route, too.

G on

I just don’t understand why people go to such drastic measures to have a baby of their “own”. Is it so important that your DNA continue? According to the Administration for Children and Families, 150,000 children in the USA were are waiting to be adopted.Instead of throwing thousands of dollars on fertility treatments, testing, and surrogacy, why not adopt a child or two? People with so much money like that make me absolutely sick.

Marky on

G, as someone who parented nearly 50 children, I can tell you that many of the children who are available in the foster care system are 10 and over. Many of those children are dealing with detachment issues that are severe enough that the child acts out in ways most people can’t imagine, let alone can they deal with the issues. Frequently, people like you flippantly say, “just adopt a foster child”, but you have no idea how difficult it is to deal with children who have been through so much.

Yes, I’m aware people aren’t always aware how difficult it is to adjust to a newborn, but there is little comparison, and I know what I’m talking about because I’ve done it. The person who wants to adopt an older child raised “in the system” had better truly prepared, and all those babies and young toddlers you think are just waiting for adoption are, by and large, figments of your imagination. A person is very fortunate to have an infant placed with them, and usually the children in “the system” are children from fairly troubled circumstances.

I’ve seen two year olds who stuck their faces in cigarette smoke because they thought the cigarettes were pot and they knew they could get high if they sucked in the smoke. They might not have ever had anything to eat except french fries and milk, so at 2 or 3, they have to learn how to eat a reasonable diet and sleep at anywhere near a reasonable time; I’ve seen 5 year olds who tore up their clothes and destroyed their toys, then screamed because they “didn’t have clothes or toys because you won’t take care of me”, and don’t think that stopped after a week of love and care.

Yes, these children very much need a home and family, but not everyone can do that type parenting and not have their lives and home destroyed. Why do people who have hardly taken care of a cat, think they can tell others to “just adopt a foster child, there are lots of them!”? Good grief, spend some time with a long time foster parent before you hand out advice!

You people are so hateful about EB using a surrogate after years of infertility; what would you do to her if she tried to adopt an older child and it failed?

CelebBabyBlogAddict on

Really the point of being pregnant is having the baby at the end isn’t it? So no matter what you go through to get there, child birth, surrogate, adoption – as long as you eventually get to hold that baby and raise it – that is the real joy! I know many people love being pregnant, others just tolerate it, while others hate it – but in the end the real gift is the child.

Shannon on

Sounds like she needs to rationalize her decision. Whatever works. Glad she got to be a mother. Good for her. :)

Anonymous on

G- In addition to what Marky said, adoption is great, but, dealing with infertility is in many ways a grieving process, and some people need to fully go through that process (that is, exhaust all options for biological parenthood) before they can consider adoption. Also, not everyone is ABLE to adopt.

To say that the requirements that prospective parents must meet for domestic adoption are strict would be putting it mildly (for example, good luck trying to adopt if you’ve ever had cancer, a heart attack, or any one of numerous other health issues. People who have had any kind of substance abuse usually also aren’t approved to adopt, no matter how long they’ve been clean. And those are just a few reasons prospective adoptive parents get rejected.) and not everyone meets them.

Sarah K. on

“Sounds like she needs to rationalize her decision.”

Because she chose to be infertile? Right…

Gia on

I have carried two babies from conception to birth and in my humble opinion, being pregnant is overrated.

Congrats to Elizabeth and her husband!

Chrissie on

For those of you blessed enough to become pregnant, and carry your child, you are so lucky. You can’t judge how she came to terms with what she had been through. Infertility is a painful, life altering condition. Most woman who experience infertility, or miscarriages, failed in vitro, would give anything to be pregnant with their own child. She is right, it is about having a child and becoming a mother. God bless her, and her child. I hope she is able to help others who have been through what she has been through. Unless you have experienced infertility yourself, or been on a similar journey with someone you love, you can’t know.

Lezley Roth on

Why hate on her for that comment?? She isn’t lessening pregnancy , she just doesn’t KNOW. Is that a huge deal? No. Does it take away from any of your pregnancies? If it does you aren’t terribly bright. Leave the woman alone! How would you feel to want to be pregnant that badly and not be able to experience it? Would you want people to bash you because you stated basically that THE PREGNANCY ISNT THE IMPORTANT PART , IT IS THE RESULT THAT MATTERS. THAT is what she meant. As for orange skin either she means pruny /wrinkly/ rough like the outside of an orange , or sahe has SERIOUS Vitamin C issues.

maggie b on

Having had hyperemesis gravidarum and gestational diabetes with all four of my pregnancies, I am only too happy to forget most of those hellish months! So many people (including my best friends, whose pregnancies were walks in the park!) asked me why I kept having kids if pregnancy was so hard. I told them pregnancy is a finite period of time. Each precious baby would finally arrive, ending the–and I am not kidding when I say this-near torture. My children, whom I love more dearly than life, were definitely worth my difficult (and at times dangerous) pregnancies, but I was so happy to be myself again and hold my babies in my arms! For me, pregnancy was a means to an end. Whether pregnancy, adoption, IVF, surrogacy…finally holding your baby is pure and absolute joy! Congrats to Elizabeth and her husband! Your baby is blessed to have you, too!

Uh-huh on

Dear me. Why so much animosity towards others who choose IVF or otherwise to have their own biological children? Your anger should be directed at the selfish people who have produced a child that they cannot/will not take care of themselves, Just how many orphaned children are the product of criminal acts against a woman of childbearing years? Why do we “understand” when a rape victim abandons a child they have birthed as a consequence? It’s not the child’s fault or the victims, but we see it as acceptable. Why? With so many already orphaned children in the world, why is it acceptable to add another one, no matter the reason?

How many here have adopted one of those children, although they can have their own in the old-fashioned way?

momof2 on

i think whoever told her that you for get the pregnancy was probably trying to comfort her by minimizing the pregnancy compared to the actual arrival of the baby. i don’t think it’s necessary to downplay something happy to spare someone else’s feelings. simply saying that focusing on the arrival of the healthy baby would have sufficed. making it seem like pregnancy is something to get over and is easy to forget seems wrong.

unless a woman experiences depression, relationship problems, medical problems, or other stressors that make her pregnancies lackluster or unbearable, she WILL remember some/all aspects of her pregnancies with fondness … weight gain, stretch marks, or not. (and i too do not know what orange skin is. ew.)

momof2 on

i think someone told her that “you forget being pregnant” to make her feel better about not being able to experience it. some people think it’s necessary to downplay their happy experiences around others who aren’t content with something. personally, i don’t think it’s necessary, or healthy, to do that. a simple “let’s not harp on your inability carry a baby; let’s focus on the arrival of your healthy baby” would have sufficed, to me.

Bridgette on

If you have suffered from infertility, you understand what Elizabeth is saying in this, it’s not about forgetting about being pregnant and what your body goes through. During infertility, you struggle with the huge desire to get pregnant and have a family and your body just won’t do it for whatever reason. What she means is that once she got passed the part of not being able to physically carry her baby, she was at peace with it because in the end she would have her baby. It was no longer about getting pregnant for her, it was about the baby she would have with the help of a surrogate. Like all things in life, you do not know what it is like until you experience it…the pain, the shame, the sadness and anger…the emotions are endless. Be a little more kinder to women and men who suffer from infertility. Their desire to have a family is just as strong as those who do not struggle with it.

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