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Elisabeth Röhm’s Blog: Out with the Old, In with the New

01/27/2012 at 09:00 AM ET
Mom and daughter – Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm

Elisabeth Röhm, best known for her roles as Serena on Law & Order and Kate on Angel, is marking a year blogging for PEOPLE.com.

The actress will appear on CSI: Miami this Sunday, Jan. 29. She also has a role on The Client List and upcoming films Transit and Officer Down out later this year. She can be found on Facebook, Google + and @ElisabethRohm.

In her latest blog, Röhm — mom to 3½-year-old Easton August with Ron Anthony — gets a 2012 wake up call when her fiancé suggests her resolution includes chucking the mom clothes!

What was your New Year’s resolution? Three weeks in, are you keeping it? Let Elisabeth know in the comments.

So here we are at the start of 2012 and I’m sure each of us has a mile-long list of things we would do differently from last year. Perhaps little things make the top 20, but there’s always the BIG one that stands out from the rest.

We know that if we at least tackle that one thing, all will be set straight in our universe. One is totally doable, right? With our harried schedules, it seems realistic to say that there would be one big game-changer that we could focus on this year.

I had mine all lined up and picked out earlier this month. I was ready to put it into motion until … dun dun dun! It came to my attention that I may have picked the wrong New Year’s resolution.

Perhaps a few people over the year had pointed out that there was another matter worthy of my consideration. But I hadn’t really paid it any mind — although I’ll admit it had nagged at me. But when you hear something a few times over and over, I guess one could say that it might become a more imperative matter.

I mean c’mon, you know something is urgent when loved ones are handing out a New Year’s resolution to you!

So here it is. I shudder to say it out loud, PEOPLE.com, but I knew it was true when the last and final person (my trying-to-be-sensitive-but-not-quite-achieving-it other half) said it. Ron told me that I wear too many “mom clothes.”

I mean, it kind of sucked when he compared me to an aging woman in ballet slippers and a cardigan who attended our recent New Year’s brunch. But sadly, I’ll admit that we did look an awful lot alike.

Now, just to set the record straight — I thought she looked good, the middle-aged lady that he whispered about in between his bites of fruit and yogurt (he turned over his new leaf a few months ago). So now he’s in the business of advising others on how to improve their lives and stay young?!

I mean, I’ve always leaned towards the preppy look rather than, let’s say, the Fergie-esque get up and dance look, although I appreciate it in others. In fact, I really admire those women who continue to sex it up a little for the duration of their lives. I certainly thought I’d be one of those types, because I come from a long line of women who have stayed youthful and attractive as the years have unmercifully gone by.

Now, let me make something clear: I like the preppy look and by saying that I’m preppy, I did not think I’d lost my edge … that’s just my style preference. I’ve always leaned towards the classic little black dress. To tell the truth, I really like ballet slippers!

However, I had noticed that something changed in my wardrobe choices, starting three years ago. I’ve even blogged about it before. You know … the sensible breastfeeding blouse, the pants that have added stretch, and the low shoes with all that extra support.

I started to go for practicality and comfort rather than style and expression. It happens. We all talk about it. We even laugh about it, as if we are proud to wear our badge of mom honor by displaying those too long sweaters that resemble tents, rather the fitted ones of the past. But I think I may have gone too far, perhaps over the edge into the tacky shoes department.

From my prior blog – Courtesy Elisabeth Röhm

As I watched the woman with her ponytail (no time to blow it out), ballet slippers (there used to be long legs there), cardigan and leggings (all black, square and flowing as to hide any lumps and bumps), I hated to admit that Ron was right.

Not to mention that I kind of wanted to plunge my butter knife into him as he plunged my ego into that cold glass of water. Deep inside I knew it was true, although I became grumpy for the rest of the day.

Even now, as I step away from the computer to look at myself in the mirror, my hair is still in that ponytail due to the lack of a current blowout. I’m in some sort of plastic ballet slippers that really aren’t cool and that I never would have worn four years ago, before Easton was conceived.

I remember looking at those sexy as heck (even my language has changed!) photo shoots I’d see in Vogue, with some statuesque model in three-inch heels and a tight suit pushing a baby stroller with her hair flowing in the wind and sunglasses on. You know, like Victoria Beckham.

I was so sure that would be the type of mom look I’d duplicate once I had a little bundle of joy. Okay yes, for those events that come up, I still know how to pull out those punches. However, I had no idea my inner Martha Stewart would start showing up on a daily basis.

I mean, for goodness sake, I’m in a plaid ruffled shirt right now because it was a gift and not because I like it. It doesn’t even look particularly bad, but it doesn’t look good either. In fact, it looks like a tablecloth.

The other day my gorgeous friend — a parent who is just spectacularly stylish — was lamenting her ballet slippers too, and saying she was going to buy herself some new boots with a heel to go to the office in. I was applauding her. All the while, I was wearing some strange non-youthful getup of my own as we perused the web for her sexy new shoes.

“Where have I stashed my former self?” I was thinking yesterday as I ate my bagel with too much cream cheese (yes, part of my mom getup is some extra poundage — I’m going to shed that too).

I watched the older woman that Ron was comparing me to nibbling on her breakfast and thought, “Ugh!” It’s like that last cigarette you smoke. The final straw had broken. I wasn’t going to be compared to someone 20 years my senior — no way.

I made a commitment to myself today as I threw on my usual gear with distraction that this would be the last day that I’d let my youth faintly slip away. So my New Year’s resolution this January is to burn my mom costume in the back yard and blow the dust off some of my other old relics from those days gone by, at least until I can afford a few new things!

This year, let’s focus the blog a little bit more on us, ladies. I have a few tricks up my sleeve to help us all get that shiny look of youth back in our cheeks and trust me, we won’t have to break an ankle doing it by trying to look like Beyoncé!

Not to mention she’s probably going to have to wear some ballet slippers and sensible shirts soon herself with that new baby girl. Don’t worry Beyoncé, we’ll be there for you when you want to get your fashion groove back too!

Tell me your own personal New Year’s resolutions (and are you keeping them thus far?).

Until next time, PEOPLE.com.

– Elisabeth Röhm

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Showing 75 comments

Elise on

I work from home today but you just made me want to go put on my high heel boots with my skinny jeans. I understand completely. I’m coming out of the robe! Now.

Kris on

If *you* are comfortable in yoga pants & a t-shirt + a cardigan & ballet flats, wear them. I don’t want to come across as bitchy, but Ron mentioning anything about your mom clothes was a mean, shallow, STUPID thing to say.

If you want to wear cute clothes, do it for you and not because your man told you to. You’re almost 39 years old. For God’s sake, wear what YOU want to wear.

You don’t need Ron’s permission. If he’s so interested in your clothes/image, maybe he should slip into an evening gown, high heels, and a tiara & parade around like a pretty pretty princess! :-)

Natalie on

Shallow. You’re supposed to sex it up at the playground so some guy who hasn’t even stepped up to marry the hardworking mother of his child can stay interested? Pass.

I’m happily married with two sons and I rock my husband’s world regularly – probably because he’s turned on by my ponytail and my sweaters and tells me every day that I’m sexy (even when I know I’m not).

I think the question might be what RON is doing to keep things fresh. Complaining is rarely a turn on.

Monica on

Yep. I hear ya. My mom clothes are jeans and a t-shirt (plain colored t’s, not like concert t’s) or shorts/capris and a t-shirt. They are the most comfortable and I won’t get too upset if I get mud, blood, snot, drool, etc on them.

I wish I could say I was fashionable before I had my kids, but I have always been on the outskirts of fashion dreaming I looked like the glamorous folk. But I do try and at least follow the “What not to wear” rules” when buying my mom clothes. Altho I must say my shoes do leave a lot to be desired- cute wise. I live in FL so I’m in birkenstocks nearly year round- but I have bad feet so I really need the support!

I got a nice pair of black shoes on sale that really look like something a 90 year old would wear but have worn them anyway because they are super comfortable. Then we were watching “Mike & Molly” and Mike’s not so fashionable mother was wearing nearly identical shoes with pantyhose none the less… My husband even noticed and said something to me. Sigh!

Susie on

Can someone please explain what is wrong with a ponytail?

Mira on

I swear this woman has logorrhea. The verbosity of these posts is really annoying. As for the substance, I’m with Natalie.

SweetDiva on

It’s not about Elisabeth fulfilling her man’s request. It is about the fact that as new moms in particular, women tend to lose a bit of sparkle. It’s definitely tough.

I have always taken a lot of pride in my appearance and I asked my husband to let me know when I’ve slipped too much. It’s not just for him, but it’s for me too.

I like looking in the mirror and seeing a vibrant person. I don’t want to lose her. It’s hard to find her later.

Laura on

I’m totally with Natalie!

Pardon me if I don’t look like Fashionplates because wiping butts and snotty noses don’t constitute wearing pearls and stilettos.

Jenn on

I don’t have kids but I’m wearing a cardigan and ballet flats, lol. I like to be comfortable!

BBB on

Clothes are not just for yourself. Don’t make Ron out to be shallow, he just knows his wife is sexy and would like to see her dressed up a bit. Isn’t it nice to see strangers well put together, nice hair, fitted clothing, polished? Well, it’s even nicer to see your significant other looking fabulous.

When you start a relationship you try to entice and impress the other person…but then you have kids and you don’t care? It’s all about the kids and taking care of them and yet the FOUNDATION of your family — the relationship between husband and wife — is not top priority?

Come on, put in the extra effort. He wasn’t being mean, he just wants to see her shine and I hope he’s doing that for her too. He’s not saying she needs to get cosmetic surgery, just put on some nice threads.

Jean on

We’re all guilty of it. Well, everyone but Victoria Beckham. That’s why I like celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker and Jennifer Garner who you see with their kids on the street and in the park in t-shirts and jeans and ballet flats. That’s what moms should look like.

Why dress up and wear something expensive so it can get juice and snot on it? You don’t have to look sloppy, but really there is no harm in the “mom look.”

Jennifer Cruz on

Definitely do it for yourself! and sometimes we need our other half to remind us about ourselves. So while at first it may seem shallow, if my other half sees me changing then hey, I’d like to know.

I’ve told my husband I dont want it to be 5 years later after I’ve gained 15lbs and I find out he saw me gaining weight all along and did nothing. If he says something at 5 or 10lbs it will be a lot easier than at 15lbs.

I hate when things are referred to as “mom”, “mom clothes,” “mom hair”, “mom whatever.” It has such a negative connotation. When will we stop being so negative toward ourselves? We are a great bunch of women, and being labeled “mom” should not be bad! When will that change? Why can’t “mom” mean classic, put together, not only STYLISH but also PRACTICAL (which those 3-4 inch heel although stylish are not practical).

I think as a mom of two I’ve learned to dress for the occasion. I’m at home cleaning? The girls and I are getting into dirt and playing outside? Running errands? I’m on a date with my husband? We are visiting my parents? Dinner with friends? Well, there’s a different dress code for each occasion.

Just because I don’t wear sexy gyrating clothes to my parents (never did even before kids or marriage) doesn’t mean I’m dressed like a “mom”. It means I’m dressed like an adult. Now will I wear something sexier on a date with the hubby? Definitely. Not some club clothes, but yeah I will put on some 3 inch heels.

BTW There are some awesome pony tail styles that Katie Holmes and other celebs have been sporting.

That being said, I do want to do my hair more. It seems that even though my clothes changes, my hair manages to stay the same. So I will try! Maybe a blowout, maybe some curls here or there. My husband hasn’t said anything, but hey how many days is it that he doesn’t have to wear gel or brush his hair at home? I should get a few too.

Teri on

Wonderful blog again! I’m so glad you’ve continued to write, and hope you will continue for a long time!

I don’t really make new year resolutions, but I did set a sort of goal for myself. Ever since my little girl was born, I weighed the most that I had weighed in my life.

Now, a lot of people can easily take off some, if not all, of that weight through breastfeeding. Unfortunately for me, my body stopped producing milk when she was four months old. So all those mom benefits to breastfeeding went out the window as I had to put her on formula and start her on solids so she’d not starve.

This milk drying up thing hit me pretty hard and I went in to what I can only describe as a depression. I started putting on even more pounds, as I lost any interest to get out and walk, and started turning to chocolate for comfort.

Now that my child is nearing 4, I can feel how much this extra weight is, pun intended, “weighing” me down. I cannot play with her like I should be able to. I have a hard time tying my own shoes without having the breath pushed out of me. I had reached the point where I could no longer even suck in my gut enough to put on those post pregnancy pants.

Lucky for me, the pre-school that my girl goes to is a twenty minute walk uphill one way, and a fifteen minute walk downhill to back home. With the unseasonable warm weather this winter here in Europe, I often rode my bike or walked to go pick her up or drop her off.

I started noticing in December that my newest pants were starting to…slide around a little. So I dared to put on my post pregnancy pants. I still had to suck in my gut but I got the zipper up!

That little tiny bit of exercise every day to every other day has done a wonder for me, and I decided that I would make a goal this year. I’m going to lose weight.

I don’t care how much, all I care about is that I want to get back into those post pregnancy pants without having to suck in my gut! And when I get that accomplished, I’m going to move on to the next goal, getting into my PRE-pregnancy pants! I CAN DO THIS!!!

Laura on

I’m not about to ask my husband to drop some pounds and wear a shirt and tie to change the oil in the car. His actions speak much louder than his appearance. He’s a great dad and husband and doesn’t need to dress like Ward Cleaver to BE Ward Cleaver. Get what I’m saying???

Olivia on

Are you kidding me people. Give her a break. Who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves and make their man happy at the same time. Yes, we are moms, but that is not all that we are. Some of you miserable opinionated people should be ashamed.

1. Kris-You are coming off as bitchy. Did you understand that making her man happy or her looking in the mirror she would like to see a better version of herself again?

2. Natalie- “I’m happily married with two sons and I rock my husband’s world regularly – probably because he’s turned on by my ponytail and my sweaters and tells me every day that I’m sexy (even when I know I’m not)” Your words even say that you know your husband is full of it. I guess you don’t care that he looks the other way.

3. Susie-Nothing is wrong with a ponytail, unless you are sporting it with the wrong attire. So when you take time to do your hair, you really don’t feel better about yourself? That’s hard to believe.

4. Mira-All she is trying to say is sometimes it’s nice to feel good about yourself. Not saying for all of you guys to try it. Maybe someone else’s “thing” is making more time for date night, sex, working, and/or whatever else makes them happy. Everyone’s “thing” might be different. The point is for this to be a place for moms to share. Not break each other down.

Thank you sweet diva and for Laura.

Vanessa on

I think ALL moms are guilty of letting ourselves go a bit after having kids. I know I have, here and there. In between working full time and having a 4 yr old& 8 month old, it’s hard trying to maintain the household and spend quality time with eachother AND have to worry about if what I’m wearing is “sexy” or not.

I say to each their own. If you still dress the way you you did before having kids then more power to you. If you don’t, like me, that’s okay too.

Leslee on

I think the point is in growing and adding to your features but not losing yourself into the cloak of motherhood.

me on

Why exactly do you need to change how you dress? What you’re wearing in the picture looks great on you and I don’t see the problem. I dress like that and I don’t have children. To me, mom wear would be an ugly t-shirt that doesn’t fit and jeans that make your butt look saggy. But you don’t look like that. You look like a young hip mom who wants to be comfortable.

Like someone said before, your husband is very insensitive. I would be happy to know that my child has a mom who is smart enough to care about practicality and not look like a sex kitten. Women who wear high heels and tight outfits while out with their kids (like victoria beckham) look like complete fools to me.

Honestly, there are probably a million new years resolutions you could have picked. Probably some that are less shallow.

J on

Well Kris, Natalie, and Mira!

annie on

You’re right, no one has to dress to please the man in their life, but if he starts looking around at other women don’t blame him either. Everyone has a responsibility to keep their relationship a priority and do what they can to show their partner that they love, honor, and value them.

Dressing to show yourself at your best never goes out of style, even if it includes a little bit of spit-up. I see so many women who begin to identify solely as a mother and let their relationship fall to the wayside. I think its sad for everyone – mom, dad, and kids.

Lorelai on

Hi Elisabeth! I am also a mom (of two) and my husband has also made remarks about my looks, and not offensive remarks like you are too fat (lol which I know I am) but about the way I dress. That kinda rang a bell for me too!!

I decided I was gonna change because it makes me feel better about myself to dress it up a bit and it makes him happy too. I just renewd most of my wardrobe, making it still comfortable but fun and modern and I am very happy with the new me, and so is my husband :)

You are extremely beautiful – I am sure there is not a huge makeover that you need, just find the time and energy to put on that extra thing that makes you pop and look wow!

Elizabeth on

My jaw dropped when I read this article because my husband and I had the SAME EXACT conversation right around Christmas. He said that I was starting to gain weight and look frumpy. I wanted to gouge his eyeballs out at first and I was unhappy for at least a week.

Then I started to be sarcastic about the entire thing…wearing 6 inch heels to my 5 year old son’s basketball game (smiles). When he had to work late one night, I told him, “that is too bad because you won’t be able to see me in my hot pink leather dress that I wore all day.”

After I got over the denial, I took a step back and realized that he was right. (Although he could have been way more sensitive about the entire thing….MEN.) I never stopped dressing nice for work, but the second I would get home, I would run upstairs and change into the ugliest sweatpants, so my husband never saw me look nice during the day.

And on the weekends, I just always put myself on the back-burner, because as a working mom, my kids are way more important. I would sport UGG-LY boots, sweatpants, and a sweatshirt. And I wouldn’t ever brush my hair or do my makeup.

He was right, that isn’t appealing. So, now when I get home from work, I give my husband a big hug and I showcase my outfit pointing out all the nice things about it, “tight pants, cute scarf, lovely earrings, lipstick…etc” Then I go upstairs and change into the SAME sweatpants – hahaha.

On the weekends, however, I have changed. The kids need to know that taking care of yourself is important too. I wear comfortable stretchy jeans, nice sweaters, and nice shoes. My husband is happier and I feel better about myself in front of others.

Leigh on

There are women who care about their appearances and women who dont, it doesnt mean one is shallow and the other is a slob. Elisabeth, and myself included, are part of the former group.

It’s nice to feel pretty – you feel ready to tackle the day with your best face forward. My sister has two kids, and I can honestly say shes brighter, cheerier and more confident when shes got on a lovely scarf, done her hair and put on some nice boots.

Elisabeth’s husband was not telling her she looked bad, but more that she has a good figure, he appreciates it and wants her to show it off.

Just because she’s a mom doesnt mean she needs to hide under layers of clothes like armour. If that means taking 5 minutes for yourself to brush your hair out and put on a pair of kitten heels to give you some pep in your step, then by all means – your kids will notice your postive energy :)

**ALSO, for all you moms making nasty remarks, and back handed compliments about the article; If you’ve got nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Even a child knows that.

And try not to take every comment so literally, ‘flats’ dont mean all ballet flats. Simply, we are all guilty of having some heinous flats or sandals in our closet we slop about in (as i wrote that i vowed to go home and throw mine away!). I took Elisabeth to mean she wants to be looking more ‘put together’ in 2012, not like she rolled out of bed and grabbed clothes off the floor.

Kelly on

Elisabeth-
I agreed with everything you said – and laughed about your shoe comment. There are miles of (ignored) sassy heels lined up in my closet- looking as pitiful as a dog that never gets walked.

Can I offer you some consolation on your wardrobe? My oldest had a friend all through grade school whose Mom refused to give in- even a little- on wardrobe. This Mom continued to wear her tight, tight jeans, glittery tops, leopard heels, fur vests, short, short minis with tall, tall boots………. you get the pic. Questionable taste aside-it didn’t look like she was trying- it just looked like she was trying too hard.

The Mom look for me comes from wanting to be completely present for my children- and I can’t do that with a 45 minute blowout, heels, and clothes that can’t be spilled on. When my hubby gets a sitter and takes me out- he gets someone who looks a lot more like the woman he dated and married.

The rest of the time, I am low-key, classy….. but not sexy. That’s a gift I give my kids (I can be out the door in 15 minutes) and my husband (don’t need other male attention-I’m spoken for).

Applause to you for keeping it REAL in a looks-obsessed business. If you’re wearing that cardigan today-I’m not judging……..I’m clapping!

KarenB on

I too am approaching my 39th birthday. And I sometimes feel like I’m approaching my 49th. With kids who are almost 10 and 6, I’ve lost a bit of my pep.

I don’t think she set this resolution because she is looks-obsessed. It’s about realizing that out of habit, lack of energy and constant attention to others’ needs before your own, you sometime get in a rut and stop paying attention to yourself. When you find yourself dressing in a way that even you don’t like, it can deplete your own energy and confidence.

So if she wants to get back to her jazzy self, go for it girl! (Oh my, I just said “jazzy self”. Oh well – it may be too late for me.)

HC on

This post would be a lot less annoying to me if it didn’t involve her husband and other people telling her what she should do. She had a whole list of other things that were apparently more important to her than her appearance and now she’s not going to do any of that? It’s all about how she dresses because her husband said so? If she had said that she came to this conclusion on her own without any prompting I would have a lot more praise and applause to give.

And I’m SURE she would have eventually given up on the “Mom” clothes when she felt ready. (btw I also find “Mom” clothes an offensive phrase, because apparently I always wore mom clothes even before I was a mom.)

Yes, appearance is important. Yes, you should wear the good stuff if it makes you feel good about yourself. But parenting is, I dare say, WAY MORE important than looking stylish. And if you have to concentrate more on parenting than heels for a few years to do a good job at it, then that should be ok, not something to be ashamed of.

Now I truly admire those Posh Spice women who can do the motherhood thing and just rock the heck out of some 4 inch heels and a pencil skirt. Go Girls! But I also feel no desire whatsoever to be one of those moms, and if someone suggested that I should well, my next question would be, “When are you coming over to start your job as my nanny?” Because for me, that’s pretty much what it would take. I would need some serious help to pull that off.

Laura on

Kelly, you nailed it!!

Kim on

This might be one of the most long winded//silly articles I’ve read. Just say: my husband thinks I dress frumpy so I’m going try harder to be sexy. I don’t want to loose my husband to a hot little stiletto wearing 20-something.

J on

Leigh there is also a saying about ignoring people who bother you. Even a child knows that…

Kasee on

I’m a 28 year old professional with no children who loves following fashion and get practically every fashion magazine there is and I have to say, Elisabeth – you look fantastic in the picture you posted!!! Seriously, I was expecting like, a hooded sweatshirt or something when you said “mom clothes” (not that there is anything wrong with a hoodie!)

I would totally wear something like that on a daily basis (when not at work) – I live in my Tory Burch flats. Who wants to have surgery on their feet because they couldn’t go to the supermarket without their stilettos? What are you supposed to be wearing when taking care of your daughter?

Honestly, this reminds me of the scene in the second SATC movie where Charlotte gets her vintage (Valentino, I think) skirt ruined by her toddler while she is baking cupcakes. My first thought was that it was a crime against Valentino for her to be wearing that in the kitchen with kids, haha!

I am not advocating sloppiness; well-fitting, clean, presentable clothes usually help us feel our best. But Ron was sort of mean (I’m sorry, he was.)

It’s not that he should lie to you, but as I finished my last semester of grad school and had put on 5-10 pounds, relied much more on yoga pants, and cut my hair because I didn’t have the time to deal with it for a few months, my boyfriend did nothing but assure me that I was still “absolutely beautiful.” He knew that more important things than looking like a supermodel every day were monopolizing my time, and that didn’t mean that I was giving up or letting myself go.

Focus on dressing in a way that makes you feel good, confident, and like yourself, but doesn’t stress you out. Ron needs to focus on the fact that he is with a woman who, even at her “mom clothes worst” still looks pretty darn gorgeous!

Alison on

I love the casual look

sal on

oh what a great blog! lol…I feel like Ive lost some of my former “pre family” hotness too. When youve got two boys waiting for mommy to go play at the park its comfy pants, t shirt that I dont mind getting dirty and tennis shoes and hair in a pony tail…in fact that seems to be my daily outfit nowadays!

Natalie, I totally agree with you..my husband is a total horn dog no matter what I wear or look like on any given day, LOL!

Kristine on

I think it’s great you want to recapture a little bit of yourself that you had before Easton.

Outer appearance is how you tell the world how you feel about yourself. Many days I’m guilty of the frumpy mom look. Dirty ponytail, old jeans, and a t-shirt with some mystery stain (with small kids, that’s the story of my life). Dressing it up a little bit (heck, even taking a shower and blowing out my hair), adding a scarf, putting on deodorant – it does wonders for my outlook for the day.

My husband comes home and changes into a zip up sweatshirt and fleece sweatpants. He’s comfortable. But it doesn’t mean I’m wildly attracted to that look!

Anna on

I agree with you Elisabeth. These other ladies who don’t, they were never very stylish to begin with, and that’s just the truth. I don’t know any woman who was stylish pre-kids who say that they are now happier being frumpy post-kids. Those who enjoy being frumpy were frumpy pre-kids, and will always be frumpy because that’s how they are comfortable.

twinther on

Elisabeth – so glad to see your blog today. I love your posts and your honesty. I always love your perspective. My child is about the same age, so I really seem to identify.

My every-day resolution is to just take life as it comes and focus on enjoying the treasured moments that are created each day. Thank you for giving me food for thought. Cheers!

RKF on

@Anna – “Those ladies” you are referring to never had style because they have differing opinions than you? Please explain the faulty logic in that. I happen to agree with every word they said, and sorry, I’m far from “frumpy”, or other any other silly adjective you so delicately call people.

Jo Ann on

I love your blog!!! My new year’s resolution is to lose some weight and I have been doing pretty good. But I believe everything you say in this blog. As I sit here in my black leggings, oversized sweatshirt and slippers, I feel very old (I am turning 40 in February which does not help).

I think I am going to take your advice and do something for myself!! Maybe a new pair of skinny jeans or a form fitting blouse. Thanks. Can’t wait for your next blog!!!

ecl on

I think women teetering around in stilettos look ridiculous. Every time I see Victoria Beckham I feel sorry for her since she obviously has a major fear of “losing” her looks.

I make feeling comfortable when I walk a bigger priority than anything else. High heels aren’t even good for you. And there a plenty of cute flats around.

Why should women spend all their time looking like they are clubbing? When men wear high heels, then they can open their mouths on this subject.

Ainsley on

I am not a “mom” but I pretty much wear the stuff Elisabeth calls as “mom clothes.”

Should I be worried?

moonstar on

@Olivia –

People like you AMAZE me. Do you think that by naming each commenter by name and talking badly about them, you are not one of the “miserable opinionated people” that should be ashamed, that you speak of???

Why don’t you give the real people who are on here commenting a break instead of asking them to give Elisabeth a break. She gets paid big bucks to write this blog and to receive comments (including negative ones).

Elizabeth on

I agree. I’m 36 and I have a 2 1/2 year old and another on the way in March and I don’t ever want to turn in to a frumpy mom! I want to look amazing and beautiful not just for my husband but for myself.

It will just make me happy – I always feel better when I look good. That means, no gym attire or other frumpy clothes in public – ever! At home, I wear any old thing though. Even though I have invested in some nicer lounge clothes for maternity leave.

Also, my New Year’s Resolution is to try to be the best wife I can be. My husband does so much and works so hard in his career too. He’s the best but sometimes, I’m not the best and I just need to remind myself daily that I need to show him my appreciation and love, support and understanding. I don’t want to take him for granted anymore.

Mariana on

I can’t say that I liked what her husband said but I will say that whatever resolution to look better/dress prettier/lose weight, she should stick to it for herself, so she can feel better about her overall appearance to the world.

I gained a lot of weight with my now 18 month-old and while trying to lose it I struggled to dress decently. It took me a whole year to lose the weight and a little extra and now I feel like a million bucks because I’m healthy and able to wear simple cute things (jeans, tees, skirts) that look presentable while I care for my son, go to the park and do errands around town.

Best of luck to all the moms out there with their resolutions and I hope everyone finds their own perfect balance between motherhood and fashion!

really on

I think you should stay in the mom clothes, i wear these said “mom” clothes and so what. If my fiance or husband didn’t like it he could feel free to find the door.

krissa on

I’ve resolved to get myself a nice pair of coloured skinny jeans (red? turquoise? green? who knows!!) and some cool heels and wear them together. Somewhere. For something.

I am a 36 year old sassy mom of 3 (10, 9 and 5) but rarely look the sassy part. Most often I can be found in my Lululemons and Uggs.

I don’t call my style frumpy – I’d say its more “practical.”

Glad you’re still blogging!

Stella Bella on

I feel sorry for men. I don’t think Ron was being mean at all. Part of being a partner is helping the other person grow. It seem obvious Ron is trying to bring his best self to the relationship as well (ie, his diet), so I don’t see a problem.

MP on

Oh man this post is hitting home. I just was telling my husband that I need to get out of the mom look.

It’s one thing to be a mom and wear things that are appropriate for mom activities but it doesn’t mean that all style has to be lost in the process (which I see happening to me).

I TOTALLY get the ponytail thing too! I am pretty sure I haven’t done my hair in anything besides a ponytail or a bun for the last two weeks because I haven’t had time to dry it. I am even considering a shorter do in the hopes that I will do my hair more.

Thank you Elisabeth for a fab post- hit right at home!!!

Shannon on

I just love your blogs!

Amy on

Wow. There’s a lot of “meow!” going on around here. It seems to me that the point -for her- is about losing some sense of herself and her style after becoming a mom. It’s something that takes a while to come full circle. It’s something I totally get.

This New Years I had a similar resolution. I absolutely hated everything I was wearing, which I was wearing to hide my new mom body more than anything. I finally had enough and swore to do something about it. Not for anyone but me. Well, maybe a little for my daughter because I want her to see her mom as a confident woman. Being comfortable in your own skin equals confidence. For quite a few of us, how they dress is a big part of that. For some, not so much. That’s fine too.

I went shopping. I still wear reasonable and comfortable clothing, just a little less frumpy. I feel better. And in turn other people notice. Next month I will shop for a few more pieces. And feel even better.

Holiday on

I am a young mom, just turned 28 with a 6 year old and a 20 month old and I watch my sisters 2 month old full time. Since we spend our days at the park (we live in California!), the library and doing art projects so I definitely dress for comfort. But I am not sloppy at all, I like to wear nice jeans and fitted sweaters or long sleeved shirts. I am definitely not in heels and skirts while playing with my kids at the park.

Jillian on

I think there is a difference between being comfortable and looking sloppy. A ponytail and ballet shoes can be used on a night out, if done right. It you can also where them bumming around. It’s all how you present yourself.

I dress to be comfortable to chase my little ones, but like to look good for myself. I dont get all dolled up during the day with tons of makeup, flashy clothes, etc. I dont want my girls to think its necessary to look like this all the time. So many of their friends moms are like that. I save that for special occasions and date nights!

Chi on

Yeah, I think what came across wrong in this blog was the mention of Ron. It’s one thing if you want to look better for yourself, or even if you say you want to look better for your man, but he’s the one who said she needed to lose the mom clothes and that’s a touchy subject.

She did have a baby, you gain weight, your body changes. I know I can’t wear the same clothes that I wore pre-baby (and I’m pregnant again, so I definitely can’t). But everything changes, you have less time than you did, and so on.

On the one hand, it’s definitely nice to look sexier and try to spice it up, but what is her husband/fiance doing to help her do that? Is he spending more time with Easton so that Mom can have time to herself to put on makeup? I’ve made it clear to my SO that if he wants the sexy look, that takes time…so he’s on Daddy duty while Mommy glams up.

It’s a tough balancing act for sure. I’ll bet Elisabeth will see all these comments and address them in a follow up blog. She probably never expected all this controversy from a simple post! I do get what she was trying to say.

Kay on

@ mira…
You took the words right out of my keyboard!! My comment was that Ms. Rohm just rambled on and on and on and on and on…..

Entirely too verbose!!

Kristin on

I don ‘t think there’s anything wrong with ballet flats! I’m not a mom but my daily look is ballet flats, jeans and a cute top or sweater. I don’t work, and what else am I supposed to do? Prance around in heels and a miniskirt every day? I don’t think so.

Now if you’re wearing sweatpants and a ponytail every day, well yes, that is a problem. But just looking casual is completely fine.

Melanie on

Victoria Beckham herself wore ballet slippers, albeit for a brief time, during/following the birth of her baby girl! It happens to the best of us! But, I have to say, you did get me thinking…thanks for that!

Juli on

Fellow Moms (that means you too, Elisabeth), there’s a time and a place for everything!

Being a Mom is a JOB, one that entails wearing practical (but not necessarily frumpy) clothes. If you were a surgeon would you go into the OR wearing skinny jeans and stilletos? Nights out with the girls or with your spouse call for sexing it up, NO DOUBT, and as long as you can still achieve that when it’s appropriate (ponytail or blowout), kudos to you. You’re doing great!

As moms who work very hard, everyday to keep our kids happy, healthy and well balanced, not to mention our homes in check, we need to stop setting the bar so darn high.

Momoftwo on

I feel sorry for you, Elisabeth. Ron is a jerk.

Heather on

I think Elisabeth looks great but it’s not very nice of her and her fiance to mock a guest in their home- whispering at the table while she’s right there? Then blogging about it on national website? Sheesh!

Jen on

I think wearing “mom clothes” is fine when you are being mom. After all, do we go to the office wearing cutoff jeans and a sexy tank? No. Being comfortable is really important when you’re spending time with your kids. Last thing I want to do is tell my kid I can’t chase him or slide down the slide because I don’t want to break a high heel.

I mean, if my husband told me this, I would tell him a few things: 1) I think ties are really boring, too, but it’s appropriate to wear them to the office — where you work, so cool. 2) Please take me somewhere dressy and fun and I will dress up. Throw in a nice hotel room, and we are set. 3) This isn’t the 1950′s where we have to pretend to look a part, wearing our pearls and heels when, really, all we want to do is be the best at our job, which means wearing appropriate gear to care for our kids.

There are plenty of cute colors and styles to accomplish this without feeling the need to grab a pair of heels.

AW on

I was a little taken aback by the fact that she is mocking someone close enough to them to be a guest in their home on a national blog, which this woman can find and read quite easily (not to mention figure out exactly who they are tmaking fun of). Rude and inconsiderate. Everyone has a different style.

Carrie on

Really?? This is your resolution? Couldn’t something (anything) be more important? Not that we shouldn’t have a space to talk about the changes, both good and not so good, with the being a mom. But is it really necessary to post your wordrobe frustrations to the world under the guise of an important resolution?

Not only is the premise misguided, but the fact that every other post is accompanied by “glamore shots” with your daughter (ie: what you wear to have tea with your daughter is strikingly different than what I wear), makes this whole post seem disingenuious.

Plus, the only person I know who says “blowouts” is my stylist who I see every six months if I’m lucky. I guess perspective is important.

Finally, is the picture you included evidence of your good, or not so good, clothes? For me, that would be a fancy non-work outfit. I dont relate and am generally confused by your approach to being a parent.

Saurus on

She needs to find a better fiance. She’s still amazingly gorgeous, and, at least physically, WAY out of his league.

mimi on

i lived on paris’ left bank for 8 months, and let me tell you – the chicest and most stylish women wore ballet flats and cardigans, the fifteen yeat olds, the college students (myself included) and women in their 30s, 40s, heck even up until 70s. no-one teeters around in high heels, especially to take their children to a park, how ridiculous. god forbid your kid runs off and you have to chase after them or something!

it’s not WHAT you wear, but HOW you wear it. and if you check out some fashion mags or blogs, it’s all about styled ponytails! i wear cardigans, flats and ponytails and quite frankly i think i look fabulous if i do say so myself!

i havent had a kid yet, but ive seen many of my friends who lose the time or desire to put some more effort in. i think it is great to want to make yourself a bit dolled up, but to call those items ‘mom’ clothes is pretty laughable.

denise on

I have three children, a 19 year old son in college, a 16 year old son in high school and an 8 year old daughter. I volunteer at church and substitute teach in our school district. I wear classy, conservative dresses, skirts and pants with great sweaters, scarves and jewelry. I will be 50 in April and have a better figure than girls in 7th and 8th grade because I exercise, eat right , do not smoke nor drink. BUT the number one sign of aging for MOMs and women is not “Mom Clothes.” It is excessive exposure to sun and tanning beds. Your skin gives away your age. If you wear sexy or fun clothes and your face is a mess due to lack of sleep or overexposure, no great outfit will help you! I learned at age 16, when I modelled for a department store and worked for a make-up company,” the sun is not your friend!” Wear what is comfortable and flattering to your figure as well as appropriate for your various roles. Dress Sexy for dates with your spouse, whatever works with your schedule. And take care of your skin!

Guest Lady on

I feel her pain. After my first I hung onto my skinny jeans and wore heels & cute dresses to work all the time. After my 2nd, I was in too much of a rush to do much in the morning. Then I stopped working, am now pregnant with my 3rd, and my daily wardrobe consists of sweatpants, t-shirt and ponytail. Not at all the way I would like to look.

I don’t think she is putting down anyone who likes the comfy look. If that’s what you like, go for it. Obviously if she never used to dress that way, she doesn’t like it, and wants to go back to wearing what she liked. If only I had enough time before my kids got up in the morning I could do makeup and wear real clothes too. I figure in a couple years when they don’t need me by their side as soon as they wake up, I might get back to normal. Until then, looking nice and wearing the clothes I like will be something I only do on date night with hubby.

Amanda on

Logorrhea, schmlogorrhea! That’s the best thing about the internet, it’s not 7th grade literature class and there is no required reading – nor do you have to be rude if you didn’t relate to what you read!

Melodie on

I LOVE Elisabeth!! She is honest, she writes about what she is feeling & experiencing at the moment & I suggest to all the women that continually complain about her…QUIT READING HER BLOG!!!

Never in all my life have I read such bitter comments that criticize & berate another woman/mother for her lifestyle or parenting choices or whatever the topic at hand might be.

I hope she doesn’t read the responses to her blogs she writes for People because so many of them are so mean spirited.

I would love for the women that write such catty comments dare to be as honest & upfront with their private thoughts & struggles but they can’t because they hide behind the anonymity of the internet.

I’m sure at any given moment they are walking around in a pair of sweats or their kids are screaming at the grocery store or they too have let a baby sleep in their bed while their husband has spent the night in the spare bedroom.

The difference is Elisabeth isn’t lying to her friends at the mommy & me playground or lecturing a friend about the “right” way to do it.

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones…it sure looks like a lot of the women that read this blog need to remember that.

AllisonJ on

oh, Elisabeth, I feel your pain! My kids are 8 and 11, and my winter outfit consists of tall black Uggs, black leggings, and some sort of top that covers my behind. I try to style it up with cute tops, jewelry, hair and makeup, but I definitely dressed sexier (and in tighter clothes) before I had kids.

I don’t worry about it during the week or when running errands, but I do try to spice it up when going on dates or to various evening events.

Elisabeth – you are great and down to earth. Don’t let the “haters” on this site spoil things for you.

P.S. Your little girl is precious. When are you and Ron tying the knot? Can’t wait to see pics from the wedding!

Kristin on

Kind of off-topic, but can I just say, thanks CBB/People for adding that Elisabeth Rohm is known for playing Kate on Angel? This is the first role I ever saw her play and what I will always associate her with. She was fantastic on that show!

Lin on

ummm, the mom look….I got ponytail on, yoga pants on, loose fitting shirt that is easy to wash daughter’s latest snot explosion is on but all my colours compliment each other :) I was quite offended when I read this blog but I’ve given it some thought and i’m still offended as the deeper question is: Ron, honey, why don’t you help out more often? Maybe I won’t have to run around as much and take more time with my looks because a mom in a hurry doesn’t always have the time to look like Heidi Klum or Stella McCarthy. We look like Jennifer Garner with our sweat pants on and messy ponytail flying in the wind as we hustle!

mandy on

ok..you need to get back to work…wow!! What is it with woman today. they have children and completely become consumed. children add to your life, they become your life.

mochababe73 on

This happened to me with my husband and mother-in-law. They said that I dressed like a teacher. And no offense to teachers because I was one for 11 years, and I can’t wait to find another teaching gig.

Changed up everything quickly to the point where I now have a fashion blog. I no longer look like a “teacher”.

Linda Dann on

At 57 I moved from my suburban home to a loft in the city- my kids were in their twenties. Suddenly the old me resurged- the one that lived in a Chicago loft- my clothes got ‘tighter’ my daughter said- I even in the hot summer wore a shocking pink halter- which my son told my daughter to tell me was ‘cheap.’ Who knew? Used to wear them all the time and still looked damned good in them. I made lots of friends- talked to everyone as my kids told me- where I used to avoid most of my neighbors. My daughter said, “Are you the same woman who raised me?” Hey- what I’m saying ladies is- y’never know when it will feel right to come back to town- and when it does- live it up!!

Whitney on

That’s ridiculous. If my husband ever told me I had too many “mom” clothes, or I looked old, I would punch him in the face. I’M A MOM. I like dressing the part. Excuse me for not wearing low cut shirts with my mom boobs that droop (they were never to taut to begin with, since they’re biggish), or low cut jeans with my pooch and stretch marks.

My “fashion” is the last thing on my mind. I’m much more occupied with making sure diapers are clean, bellies are full, hair is brushed…I don’t care one iota what I look like, as long as it (somewhat) matches. I love my leggings and cardigans, my sports bras, and my flats…I don’t dress up when it’s not required. My kids have style; I have clothes.

Bet on

Elisabeth I remember watching you on Law and Order and thought you were so darn cute and I bet you still are. As for everybody talking the “mom or “granny” look when was the last time you looked at a granny. I am 69 headed straight for 70 and I am told I look great, never had any plastice work done just good ole soap and water and “Ponds Cold Cream, and I really do have great skin. So we grannies are not your usual idea of grannies and I do dress decently and approiately for my age and also for me. And Elsabeth dressup when you want and feel like it, not when someone else scolds you into it, you are a lovely young woman.

Susan on

I am saddened that there are so many hateful comments regarding this post. I think her original meaning was lost. I think she’s just saying that due to motherhood taking so much out of a woman, we tend to take care of everyone else before we really spend a lot of time on ourselves…that translates into our clothes, our shoes, our hair, etc.

She is NOT criticizing anyone…she just doesn’t want to look like a 60 yr old woman at 40 (which she is approaching). She still has years to be the sexy, spirited woman that Ron fell in love with. She doesn’t have to look like frumpy, with no make-up & baggy clothes all in black!

I love reading her posts. For those of you that just want to bash her ~ why even bother to read it?! There is enough hate in this world. Can’t we just ban together as moms and support one another?

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