Katherine Heigl: Adoption Was Always Our Family Plan

01/13/2012 at 09:00 AM ET
Courtesy Scholastic Parent & Child

Even as a little girl, Katherine Heigl already had her life all planned out: Get married, have children — and adopt.

And that is exactly what the actress did. After meeting and marrying singer Josh Kelley in 2007, the couple adopted their first child, daughter Naleigh, now 3.

“Josh and I started talking about it before we were even engaged,” Heigl, 33, tells Scholastic Parent & Child‘s February issue.

“We have talked about having biological children as well, but we decided to adopt first. I’d like to adopt again.”

While Kelley was completely supportive, Heigl admits it takes everyone time to adjust to the idea of adoption.

“Anyone who doesn’t have experience with adoption wonders, ‘Does love for a child come through DNA?’ I knew it didn’t,” the One for the Money star shares.

“They’re yours. You love them the moment they’re put into your arms. Josh had to learn that, but he was so gracious and accepting.”

In the end, reveals Heigl, it was Kelley who immediately won over their daughter’s heart.

“[Naleigh] felt really comfortable with Josh and they bonded quickly,” she says. “It was harder for me. It was a struggle for me because all I wanted to do was bond with her. But it takes time for a child to trust this new situation and to trust you.”

Encouraging fellow adopting parents to not “be discouraged,” Heigl finally made peace with her family dynamics: while Kelley is “Disneyland Dad,” the first-time mom is content with her nurturing role.

“He’ll get on the floor and roll around and make her laugh. That wasn’t really me. So I felt like, ‘Oh gosh, I’m not the kind of parent she prefers,'” Heigl recalls.

“Then I realized — I’m the cuddler. I’m the one she comes to if she’s hurt. And I have a ritual for putting her to bed. She has one blankie that goes over her, one that goes by her face, and one that she holds. It’s our little thing.”

Raised in a family that values “character, integrity, and morality,” Heigl and Kelley’s main parenting priority is ensuring they all count their blessings — despite the couple’s success in the spotlight.

“We feel strongly about these things because of the industries we’re in,” she explains. “We’ll have to work a little bit harder to keep Naleigh grounded and to make sure she understands how blessed she is — how blessed we all are.”

– Anya Leon

FILED UNDER: News , Parenting

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Manal from Jordan! on

Umm why is she still talking about adoption?!..its been three years!…

canadianmomma on

Love her!

Millie on

Katherine should know that what she describes is typical of so many families. Daddy is all fun, and Mommy is all comfort and nurture. It ebbs and flows some days, but that is pretty much how it is here too with our (biological) child.

They say with newborns, that their heartrate drops when they hear their mother is near, and increases when dad is near. So cool. I’m good with it….it’s all amazing!

Ashley on

It’s nice to hear about someone adopting and not just because they couldn’t have biological children of their own. Love her honesty in this interview. Each parent plays a different role and it doesn’t mean one is loved more than the other.

Shawna on

Manal from Jordon – #1 Adoption will always be a reality in their family. It is not something you do and then ignore from then on. #2 They adopted her a little over a 2 years ago, not 3. #3 She is talking about adopting again.

Naleigh is adorable and I hope they are able to adopt her a sibling soon!

cris on

What is it about this woman that seems to rub so many people the wrong way, myself included?

christa on

As long as any child gets a home were they are loved, it does not matter, if they are adopted or they come the natural way.

Gemma on

As a person that just began looking into adoption, I applaud and look up to her as a model for parents like us.

The issue I have with Katherine is her statement in other interviews about her daughter’s heart defect and not being able to wear bathing suits, etc due to scars. As a person with a heart defect and scars – I was very offended and hurt that a “famous” person would state such negative attributes that are not true. I can wear a bikini and a lot of women with heart surgery scars have no self-esteem issues too.

Her statements to limit her daughter from what she wears and does is not healthy for the child’s self-esteem. A lot of women with heart surgery scars were very offended with her statement and fear that her daughter may be told that her scar is not a good thing while it is proof that she is alive and healthy. I hope that little girl embraces her scars and the celebration of life when she is older.

Hmm on

@Manal- because it’s an excerpt of an article from Parent & Child magazine where I’m guessing they asked her about… her child.

Stacey on

She is so right about DNA not mattering when it comes to the love you can have for the child. My nephew isn’t biologically my brothers, but he has only known my brother as his dad and he started to look and act like my brother at a very young age! It’s the nurture vs. nature argument all over again!

Courtney on

Manal because it is an interview and she was probably asked about it and expressed her interest in adopting again..Read before commenting.

Gina on

As an adoptive parent I know exactly where she is coming from. Adoption is an extremely personal thing for each party involved. When I was told that I couldn’t have kids, my reaction was we’ll adopt right away. My husband..not so much. It took him three years to get to that place, now he can’t picture his world without our boys.

Thanks Katherine for making everyone understand.

C on

shes talking about it because she was interviewed for a mag called “parent and child”…. it seems quite appropriate and shes talking about adopting again

Donna on

Why does she have to announce that she’d like to adopt again? Just do it privately and quit advertising yourself. Doesn’t she have enough publicity?

Anonymous on

Her annoying character Izzy on Grey’s just completely turned me off to her, even though I know it’s just a role.
She has a sweet family, though.

Siera on

@Manal from Jordan. Maybe because her daughter is adopted? It’s not like she just volunteered this information, they asked her questions about adoption during an interview for ‘Parent & Child’ magazine.

Anyway, I think its great that she and her husband want to adopt again. There are many children out there who deserve good homes and loving families.

@christa on

Although I’m sure you didn’t mean it in a nasty way at all, your comment implies that giving birth is a “natural” way to have a child and adoption is “unnatural.” I know it’s semantics, but there’s nothing UNnatural about adoption, so I wish people would stop differentiating biological children and adopted children by using the term “natural” to refer to biological children.

Daniela on

I have not been a fan of Ms Heigl’s since she left Grey’s Anatomy. With that said, this one article made me respect her as a parent so much more. What an amazing family. I love that she feels so blessed and that her and her husband make sure to count those blessings every day.

Sarah K. on

Gemma, I took that comment to be an off the cuff remark about how lucky her daughter is – as in, if the worst consequence of her heart problem is that she won’t wear a bikini, then she is very fortunate. She never said she wouldn’t let her daughter wear anything that exposes her scar.

In fact, she seems quite proud of her child. She adopted Naleigh knowing about the scar. She’s also noted that she has an “amazing, beautiful” daughter and said that she thinks hers is the prettiest. That doesn’t sound like a mom who is going to be ashamed of a scar.

I’m glad Katherine’s honest about her struggle to bond with Naleigh and Josh’s initial apprehension. Adoption, like parenthood in general, isn’t always sunshine and roses. It’s completely natural to fear that you and the child cannot bond without a DNA match. It’s also completely natural to think you’ll bond right away and then find that it takes time. They seem like a great family, and I hope they get their wish to expand, through adoption and biologically.

Sage on

@Manal From Jordan!: You are so thick. She clearly states in the article that she wants to adopt again. Just because its been three years doesn’t mean she has to stop talking about it. You hear stories like this all the time, and this is a CELEBRITY NEWS MAGAZINE. Get real.

annachestnut on

she’s wonderful. I love her!

jones on

I’m not a big fan of hers, but I think it is great that she chose adoption as a way to start her family.

Leah on

She is very honest about her experiences as a mom. She has been open about the challenges of adoption and the challenges of being a woking mother. I applaud her sincerity. Parenthood isn’t always easy and she is acknowledging these difficulties instead of painting a perfect picture as a celebrity.

She has a sister, who was adopted, so Katherine is very passionate about it. So hearing her talking about it doesn’t surprise me.

I appreciate reading about her experiences.

JMO on

I assume that all parents who children are over 3 years old they should just stop talking about them? Why shouldn’t she talk about adoption? Nobody’s forcing anyone to read the article.

I admit Katharine in the past has also rubbed me the wrong way not so much about her personal life but how she handled leaving Grey’s Anantomy and her comments about not wanting to be nominated for a Golden Globe since Grey’s barely gave her a storyline that year. Anyways, that’s old stuff and since adopting Naleigh she seems to be in a happier better place and doesn’t come off so self-centered like in the past.

I do hope she adopts again. That little boy or girl would be lucky to have a wonderful home. Loving a child really is one of the simplest things anyone can do.

Lyl on

I love how open and honest she is. It is great to see a person who just says things how they are which is the mean thing I love about Katie, she does not try to cover her opinions into some pinky clouds. She speaks up her mind and sometimes people judge her but sometimes it is a nice and refreshing thing to read.

jessicad on

I don’t understand why so many people don’t like her, I think she’s honest and refreshing and seems really down to earth. I also like that she’s not rail thin and looks more like a natural woman, hard to find with celebrities these days.

Renee on

Maybe she rubs folks wrong because she is VERY opinionated, as well as, pegged as being ‘spoiled and ungrateful’ with the comments she made about Grey’s Anatomy. However, live and learn…and she has.

I think she was an excellent choice for the role of Stephanie Plum in the movie ‘One for the Money’ and I hope they do more since there are, how many books now? 19?

As a brunette I think she resembles the beautiful and talented Sela Ward. I would love to see them act together in a mother/daughter role. They are both strong women…maybe in a reverse ‘repair the relationship before its too late’ kind of movie? Daughter is sick and the mother comes to take care of her now that she is sober and healthy but the daughter ‘raised’ the mother and in her anger blames the illness on all time/life/energy she spent being ‘the mother’.

shasta on

I’ll admit that she is NOT my favorite actress (I personally would have rather seen someone like Sandra Bullock cast in One for the Money, but that’s another matter all together)…but I will say that I love what she says about she and her husband being different types of parents.

I have felt guilt for so long because I’m not really a “play” parent…I am working to get things done around the house and trying to incorporate some fun and learning into whatever we’re doing. My husband will get down on the floor and play trains with him. But I think she’s right…I’m the one that he calls for in the morning, the one he wants to do everything for him…so we still have a bond, it’s just a different type of bond.

m on

I like her. Why do opinionated women piss people off? I’ve never heard her say anything nasty. Unless you’re a doormat who walks on eggshells to avoid offending anyone (including total strangers), why would you criticize her? I think she’s nice and seems goodhearted and real.

Anonymous on

love her

Crystal on

I love that she adopted and plans to adopt more, but seriously why won’t you get down on the floor and play with your child. I’m on the floor all day long with my baby. We cuddle as well, not just when she is hurt or it’s bedtime. Katherine you need to read what you say. Sometimes this woman is too full of herself!

Shelley on

I just don’t understand why Katharine just tries on her own to get pregnant and not adopt? Wouldn’t a woman do that first if he or her husband didn’t have a problem with getting pregnant before you would even think about adopting a baby? Just curious! I would try before adopting anyday!

Tara on

OMG I totally felt the same way with my daughter. I was definately the cuddly, nurturing type and not that my husband isnt but she totally is a player with him. I used to think to myself – man I hope she looks at me the same she sees her dad – but the honesty of it is she doesnt.

Both of us have such an important part in her life, but I’m mommy, the cuddling, nurturing making everything good, and fun and safe fo her. Daddys crazy, and fun, and adventurous. And the differences between us, are what makes the bond between the 3 of us so great.

But its definately hard sometimes to realize we all are a littlfe different, especially in our childrens eyes. And funny but I also have a ritual nightime with my daughter and she loves it, its our “time”.

ecl on

I like her, too. Why should you only say positive things all the time and be fake? As for her standing up to her employers, what’s wrong with that? People always say she should be grateful for her job, but the people who are employing her make waaay more money than she does and she is part of their success. They should also be grateful for her and it sounds like they weren’t.

Remmy on

I have noticed this about my own 3-month-old. He laughs much more at his father, but he has these serious “talks” with me.

Alli on

I’ve never understood why people dislike her so much. In this interview, at least, she sounds like a completely lovely person, who really has her head on straight. I think that her daughter is very blessed to have the parents that she does, and they are very blessed to have their child.

Jamee on

As an adoptive parent, I can totally agree with her 100% about love having nothing to do with DNA! We adopted our daughter 2 1/2 years ago (we brought her home when she was 8 weeks old) and the moment she was put into my arms she was mine. I could not love her any more had she come from my body! I’m thankful that she has shared her story!

ACB on

This is a woman making a difference. She loves children and animals and puts her words/money into action. She has helped many dogs with air transportation out of LA where there is an over-abundance of small dogs to cities with people wanting to adopt the many, no longer wanted, small dogs. And she is helping orphan children too.

I must say I love her! I’m a big fan. Must confess though that I wasn’t a fan at the beginning. I too found her annoying but gave her a chance and saw that she is a true animal lover, she’s cute, sweet and a funny actress.

Tara on

she really does look beautiful on the magazine cover!

DawnMiller on

Renee….what the hell are you talking about? How do you go from posting a CBB comment to screenwriting? Get a job.

SF on

Her husband has written a wonderful song about Naleigh, called Naleigh Moon. Her life has always been centered around adoption since her sister was adopted. So she does not care to talk about it. She and Josh are in a great place to make a difference. I think she is a great person who loves her daughter to death!

Needs to be said on

So the first post is ‘why is she talking about the adoption, it’s been 3 years’? Does your brain function properly? It’s Parent and Child magazine. Call me crazy but I’m guessing they reached out to her to discuss her daughter’s adoption and how it’s affected her and her husband’s life.

Miche on

To Manal- clearly, she is talking about adoption because this interview was in a parenting magazine and her child is adopted. Focus!

Anonymous on

lol..his or her brain doesn’t function well…maybe its already degenerated..first poster next time you should think first before u do a comment…

Keli on

I really like this woman! She has a beautiful little family going on.

I do agree with gemma- about the bathing suit comment. My little half sister was born with two small holes in her heart and has two scars from surgery. And her docs even still make comments about how she’ll just have to wear a one piece? Why?? Its kinda off topic but I hate how society sees minor imperfections as like the devil or something. And shes still young (will be seven in a few months) so she doesnt understand but she talks about how she feels shes not allowed to wear a two piece and I dont know, it just makes me kinda sad.

I also love how she talked about the different bonding roles parents have with their kids, because it is very very true and its nice to have people say that thats ok instead of people pretty much say well maybe your not cut out to be a mom. I had a so called friend say that to me once.

denise on

I didn’t like her “professional” quotes much when she was interviewed about her career. But I definitely like her as a loving mom, the way she talks about being a mom and how she describes their family life is just nice.

I guess they’ll be adopting again soon.

Addie on

People are really funny about this whole adoption thing! Jillian Michaels was completely bashed for doing an international adoption, yet Katherine Heigl has done the same and everyone is praising her???

Could it be that the adoption itself is not really the issue, but the fact that a gay, single woman is adopting is what really bothers people? Otherwise I don’t get the double standard?

Personally, I think adoption is a beautiful thing to do, regardless of where the child comes from! All human lives are equal :) And it’s 2012 people! Families come in all shapes and forms :)

suzanne on

Shelley- some people just have a heart for adoption. If there is a child that needs a home, why would you give birth and leave that child to languish in an orphanage? Ok, that was harsh.

My point is this, what is right for you may not be right for someone else. Katherine has a sister who was adopted, so adoption has been in her heart all her life. There are many many many people who adopt that have no problems at all with fertility. Just because you wouldn’t adopt before attempting to get pregnant doesn’t mean everyone wants to. There are many different ways to form a family.

AJ on

Good for them! If they have the means to adopt children and bring them into a supportive, happy home then more power to them.

kimmie on

Manal from Jordan why are you still reading and critisizing the articles on this site ?!..its been three years!…

kimmie on

“I just don’t understand why Katharine just tries on her own to get pregnant and not adopt? ”

You must be kidding. If she tried hard and hard to get pregnant, everyone would comment why is she trying, why doesn’t she just adopt.

You just cannot win.

Nella on

What a nice article to read! Katherine and Josh both sound like good parents who have their priorities set right, and I think it’s wonderful that they adopted their baby girl. Adoption is awesome! I don’t really know why people dislike her so much either…I assume it’s because she is opinionated and doesn’t hold back, but I like that about her. It makes her a real person who has her own views and opinions. She is an honest person and most of hollywood is so fake so to me it’s nice to see a person who says it like it is and holds her own. I also think she’s a good actress and she seems like overall she has a normal private life which is nice to see.

Angi Dudas on

What a bunch of hateful comments here. It takes a special person to adopt. Also,calling a person a monster is disgusting.

I hope their family all the best.

Maria on

I wish she would quit smoking before she keeps bringing kids into her family

meghan on

maria, i’m pretty sure she has. If not, it’s not really your business.

Melody on

I always feel sad for Katherine that people have so much of an issue with her. I don’t know whether it’s because her role on Grey’s Anatomy, though well-loved, could be fiery and volatile and opinionated and a little bit prickly sometimes. Roles can so often influence perception of a celebrity so much that people don’t know where to draw the line.

I know that the comments she made regarding the Golden Globe SEEMED ungrateful and rude, but take a moment to consider this: how many times in your life have you tried to express something very well-intentioned and sincere, only to realise shockingly afterwards that it could be, and was, totally misconstrued?

There’s a good chance those comments could have been intended in the vein of, “I feel there are more worthy nominees/recipients of the Golden Globe, because my role wasn’t that robust and there were more amazing actors/roles out there who should be acknowledged.” Perhaps she made a mistake in how she expressed the intention, and now will forever be considered a bitch for it.

She might be outspoken and opinionated, but is that necessarily a bad thing? A woman who has a good heart and stands up for her values can be a wonderful thing. The way she defended and supported her friend T.R. Knights (who played George on Grey’s and who was victimised cruelly by Isaiah Washington, or Burke, for being gay) was amazing. You don’t often see that kind of passion and kindness in the celebrity world.

I know I would much prefer to see and hear from and about Katherine than the likes of people like the Kardashians, who seem to live in a world consumed by materialism and superficiality.

I don’t care much for the movie roles Katherine has taken on, barring perhaps 27 Dresses, because I think she could be capable of so much more and moving away from roles that are becoming typecast. But that’s not even relevant here.

This post is lovely – talking about her journey of adoption and how it has enriched their lives. I admire Katherine in many aspects, and I think it would be so wonderful for people to try to look past the one or two ‘foot-in-mouth’ moments that she is made negatively famous for, and instead consider the positives. I think she is a wonderful role model in many ways, and I’m really happy for her and her family.

Melody on

@Maria – I don’t like smoking (as a habit – I don’t smoke) and I wish people could find the desire/strength to quit, for their health’s sake – but at the end of the day, as long as she does not smoke around her child, then that’s all that counts. Being a non-smoker has never been and shouldn’t be a pre-requisite for having children.

meme on

Great interview. So honest. I can only imagine the stuggles adoption would bring. I love that she brings a postive light to adoption, but adimits her struggles as well. Good for them, they have a beautiful family.

KenleyHarper on

I don’t understand why people are so hard on her. She gets a bad rap for being “outspoken”,etc.

When she spoke out in regards to that whole Grey’s cast member situation she was defending her friend who was called a terrible name because of his sexual orientation. I think she’s real, refreshing and honest.

Anonymous on

Addie- Somebody please correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Jillian has ever said what sexual orientation is (same goes for the “girlfriend” she supposedly has. That, to my knowledge, has never been confirmed in any way). So for now, all the rumors about her being gay or bisexual are just that- rumors! That being said, I DO think a lot of the people who have a problem with her adopting having a problem because of her being single (some have even admitted as much, by saying things such as “Children need fathers!”).

Crystal- She said why right in the article. She’s just not that type of parent. Not all parents interact with their children the same. My father, for example, was constantly on the floor playing with me when I was a kid. But my mother? Not so much. She showed her love for me in other ways, such as reading to me and baking with me. :)

Marky on

As a person who has adopted a Korean daughter, I always love to read any article about Katherine Heigl! My daughter is grown, married and has children of her own, and she enjoys reading about Naleigh also. I don’t understand people complaining about her having adopted or about her personality, either. She seems lovely, and it also seems as if she and Josh have their priorities in order.

I have both biological and adopted children, and we have often spoken of adoption to both individuals and to groups. Few of the people we knew did international adoption or knew the steps to even start, so we would get calls, be asked for newspaper articles, and just be asked as we shopped in the grocery store. When your child doesn’t look like you, people ask questions.

I am always happy to talk to others because it’s important for people to know that international adoption works well and, in our case, we have a great relationship with her as an adult. She is an amazing person who I am so proud of and love spending time with!

mypiecesandbits on

Shelley- There are many ways to create your family and it doesn’t have to involve you yourself being pregnant. I want kids someday but have zero desire to be pregnant. There is nothing wrong with me and I am perfectly capable of carrying and having a child but it has never appealed to me. My heart, as well as my husband’s has been in adoption. There is no right or wrong way and everyone is going to have their own story. It’s all about what works best for you.

*Side note* I’ve never had a problem with Katherine but noticed in the last year or so people don’t seem to care for her as much. It sounds as though it has something to do with Grey’s Anatomy? Can someone give me just a little sum up of what happened? Thanks!

Shelley on

So, what you are saying is you don’t want to get pregnant because you might get big and have stretch marks on your belly right”? I have heard women actually say that you know, I don’t want kids because I might lose my girlish figure!

Give me a friggin break people! You want kids someday but dont want to be pregnant, so lets have another woman give birth so you don’t have to right?

Wow, now I have heard it all. Yes, I might be selfish, but before I would adopt, I certainly would try myself to get pregnant as the person I love and I would love a child that we created ourselves instead of someone else creating that child for me!

emily on

Shelley- Not everyone in the world is you. People make different descisions for different reasons. If you can’t accept that, then you’re bound to live a miserable existance.

mypiecesandbits on

Shelley- That is a bold statement you just made. No, actually it has nothing to do with losing my girlish figure as I currently don’t exactly have a girlish figure.

If you want to be pregnant and have kids of your own, more power to you but who are you to judge what is right and what is wrong.

Sarah K. on

Shelley, are you serious? No one said anything about not wanting stretch marks or wanting someone else to carry their baby. It’s about giving a home to a child that needs one. Get a clue.

kimmie on

“instead of someone else creating that child for me!”

Quite otherwise. Adopting a baby is about a baby that has already been created and for some reasons abandonded.

You’re mixing adoption with surrogacy. Two different things.

alicejane on

Shelley, I am the same as mypiecesandbits in that I absolutely want to have children and be a mom one day, but I don’t know that I see myself pregnant. Please don’t assume that you know my reasoning why.

It has nothing to do with body image. Pregnancy and the changes in your body aren’t unattractive to me and I think it’s amazing that people can create a PERSON of all things and carry and nurture that in their body. But adoption is the form of building a family that has always appealed to me, since childhood.

It’s not about my body, but there are so many children, in other countries and in Canada (where I am from) that don’t have a family. I would love to adopt a young child but I also look at the older kids who grow up in the system without a family and I definitely hope to welcome some of them into my own life and family. If everyone thought like you, there would be so many more children without loving parents than there already are.

All that being said, I love reading stories about Katherine’s experience adopting. Yes, she has made some comments that come across as rude or brash, but I have a lot of admiration for her and Josh’s story with Naleigh and I think it’s great that she wants to speak out about adoption!

Marky on

Shelley, how do you DARE to assume that someone who adopts is doing something “less” than the person having a biological child, or that adopting instead of having a biological child means you don’t want stretch marks or weight gain?? You are quite one of the rudest people i have seen online! You have no way of knowing whether or not someone wants to have children biologically or even can.

Adoption may be important to a person for personal reasons. In my case, I had cousins adopted INTO our family, and cousins adopted OUT of our family. Also, cousins who were raised in foster care, so I had a strong desire to adopt, and to be a foster parent. I KNEW what it meant for a child to really need a home.

I happened to have had two biological children, and I didn’t get stretch marks; many people don’t, if they don’t gain more weight than is reasonable. My “girlish figure didn’t change a bit either time, however, it wouldn’t have freaked me out or kept me from having bio kids. What mattered to me when I adopted was knowing I was doing for a child what my cousins so desperately needed, as well as wanting a child so much myself.

I hope you are a teenager who will outgrow your petty idiocy; otherwise, you would destroy a child’s life, no matter how that child comes into your life. Sad little person…….

Shelley on

Wow, I am really sorry that I offended so many of you, but that is just the way I feel and I didn’t mean it to come out the way it did.

I feel personally that I would try to get pregnant first and if there was a reason that we couldn’t have a baby biologically, I would not adopt. But to each his own and I am glad that there are people in this world that can adopt and love a child as if that child were there own.

It just wouldn’t be the same for me and my husband and we would be childless. My husband also feels the same way I do about having our own children and we also have the right to our own opinions. We are very happy with our 2 daughters we have together and our family is complete.

Sarah K. on

Shelley, you absolutely have a right to your opinion. It was you who passed judgment on how other people formed families, not the other way around.

You didn’t think you would offend people when you accused them of avoiding pregnancy because they were shallow? As you said, give me a friggin break. You knew that would offend people.

And, the fact that you “feel” that a driving factor of adoption is conceit and convenience is extremely narrow-minded. Sorry, that’s just my opinion.

Paula on

Shelley,
there are many people who want to adopt – regardless of being able to have biological kids or not, for different reasons. I’m one of them. In my case, the contact I had with kids who were abandoned by one or both parents made me want to adopt since I was really young.

In fact, this is something I talked about with my husband waaaaaay before we got married, ’cause I had to know if he was open to the idea. He has agreed and we plan to adopt and to have biological children, we just don’t know in which order yet.

In Katherine’s (and in mine and so many others) opinion, adoption is just as amazing as getting pregnant.

Anonymous on

Shelley- Ask almost anyone who has adopted, and they’ll say that their children are just as much “their own” as children they would have given birth to. I understand what you meant, just pointing out that implying that adopted children aren’t somehow “your own” isn’t generally taken very kindly by people who have adopted (just for the record, no, I haven’t adopted. But I know several people who have)! :)

Marky on

So, Shelley, you actually are saying you wouldn’t adopt for any reason, and I assume from what you are saying, that the reason you wouldn’t adopt is that a child you didn’t “make with (your) husband” wouldn’t be good enough for you to love. If that is the case, don’t get on this thread and criticize others who are able to love children they didn’t “make”.

How do you feel about your nieces and nephews, who you didn’t make? If you’re a teacher, I feel sorry for your students, because I’ve seen teachers like you who can’t really care about their students, because they aren’t theirs; they didn’t “make” them. My cousins had parents who couldn’t even love the children they gave birth to, but when they went into foster care after being abandoned, they found people (some they were related to) who felt just like you, so three of the ones who weren’t adopted had terrible lives living with no love and treated like crap, and one got a half-decent situation. I was a child and I remember crying at the sadness of seeing how these cousins I loved were treated because someone “couldn’t love a child they didn’t make”!

What makes you think your genes are so amazing that they are better than anyone else’s? I don’t have to see my face, or even my color in my child’s face to love her, and i feel sorry for you that you do. Sorry, that’s just my opinion.

kimmie on

Shelley, how do you know you will be able to love the children you make (if), sounds to me like you are having serious issues.

JMO on

There are many reasons why women choose to adopt oppose to biologically having a child. Believe it or not you can die giving birth. Although the odds are slim of that happening it’s a real fear and concern some women have.

Also some women choose to adopt because they too were adopted and want to adopt a child rather then have a child. It doesn’t always come down to not wanting stretch marks or getting fat! In most circumstances it’s quite the opposite.

Katharine has an adopted sister from Korea and she always knew she wanted to adopt just like her mother did. Not everyone cares about their DNA flowing through another human being. To get pregnant and not to get pregnant is a personal choice and that persons own reasons which should be respected.

kimmie on

Shelley, what do you suggest should happen to all the children who don’t have parents or who cannot take care of them, if no adopts anymore because of the issues you are bringing up ?

Anonymous on

kimmie- I think it’s just human nature to know that you’re going to love children you make. :)

Anonymous on

Marky- What really boggles my mind is why people like that (that can’t love their foster children because they didn’t make them) become foster parents in the first place!

Jillian on

Shelly, I was going to ask the same question as kimmie (although I doubt you are coming back), is it about you feeling you wouldn’t be able to love the adopted child? I ask bc it’s possible to have your own child with problems/issues along the way and cause a parent to struggle to love them. I have seen it happen.

kimmie on

“I think it’s just human nature to know that you’re going to love children you make”

You’d think… unfortunately that is not the case. Many people hate or do not love children they make. Many people love children they didn’t make… aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers, doctors, neighbours, friends, etc..

Sara on

Shelley- I’m perfectly capable of having my own biological child. I also have no desire to be pregnant (I know, I’m the devil…). But why would I want to have my own child before giving a child without a home a home? There are far too many people on this planet as it is, so I see no sense in adding yet one more human being to the epidemic. I really consider it more selfish to have a child of your own before deciding to give an adoptive child the unconditional love & stability it deserves.

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