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Marissa Jaret Winokur’s Blog: Why I’m Trying for Another Baby

12/17/2010 at 09:00 AM ET

Marissa Jaret Winokur co-hosts the new CBS daytime chat show, The Talk, and is mom to 2-year-old Zev Isaac with her husband Judah Miller. Winokur, 37, was diagnosed with cervical cancer 10 years ago, had a hysterectomy and later welcomed her son with the help of a surrogate. Though her road to motherhood had a few twists and turns, she faces the same joys — and challenges — as any working mom.

In her latest and final blog Winokur bids farewell to readers – and talks about her decision to undergo IVF to try to have another child.

Happy Hanukkah from Judah and Zev! — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur

 

So here is my last blog — for now. I have loved sharing everything with you guys.  The number one reason I’ve loved this experience is being able to read all of your comments. I have finally felt like a normal mom. I know that everything I am going through is normal and my worst mommy days are shared with, I like to think, millions (or maybe hundreds) of other moms.

Happy Hanukkah

This holiday week was amazing! I found a way to trick, yeah I said it — trick! — my son Zev into going to preschool. I noticed he loved going to work with me. If I say, “Let’s go, it’s school time,” he won’t get changed and he says his clothes are “spicy.” He can’t get dressed.

(If you missed the story on The Talk, Zev says that everything is too spicy, scary or wet. Not just food, but when it’s bath time or time to put on his PJs. He yells, “No, no PJs — they’re too scary, spicy and wet” all in one breath!)

So getting him dressed to go to school is the same story — “too spicy.” But when I tell him he has to hurry because Mommy is going to work, he runs and gets his clothes to beat me to the car. So I now bring Zev to work with me early, get him a treat and then bring him to school. IT’S AMAZING! I am not lying to him — I do bring him to work. But it is the long way to school.

Hanukkah was awesome! It was the first year Zev could really participate and enjoy the holiday. I do admit, we may celebrate 10 nights! Zev was so cute “lighting” the candles and singing the songs. I never wanted it to end. But the night I found myself running to the drug store to make sure I had a present (bubbles go a long way!) was the night I explained that Hanukkah is really eight nights.

At work on The Talk with Mom — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur

 

Big News!

I hate leaving this blog on such a cliffhanger so please follow me on twitter (@marissajwinokur) for more … but … here goes …

I have spent the last month doing IVF and this week I had my eggs removed!!! Judah and I have six embryos waiting to find a womb!!!

I can’t believe I’m fully back in the process of trying to have a baby! I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t imagine loving anyone the way I love Zev. I know he will adore having a sibling. I know having me as a mom is hard and he needs a brother or sister to share my craziness with! When I ask him if he wants a baby brother or sister he says “a baby boy.” Who knows!

Now that the first step is over and I am fully pumped up on hormones, I am so excited to keep moving forward. I am the youngest of four siblings and we’re all so close. I don’t know where I would be without my brothers and sister. I secretly believe that my parents love me the most! How can that be? I know I’ve said it before, but how could I possibly love as hard — again after Zev? Well, my parents did four times!

The Winokur Family! — Courtesy Marissa Jaret Winokur

 

I am so nervous about the newborn stage, but at least this time I know that one day I will make contact with the alien and bond. And when that day comes I will be hooked forever. I hope the process doesn’t take forever, but I have faith it will work out the way it’s supposed to.

That being said, I am not looking forward to the rollercoaster ride of it all. I have a few girlfriends who are also trying to get pregnant and every month they feel a little let down when they get their period. But hey, at least they have sex over and over again trying to get pregnant!

I mean, I could pretend that our embryo wasn’t being made in a Petri dish, but who has the energy at the end of the day? If it were sex to make a baby that’s one thing, but to just do it to do it … who’s got the time? ;)

I have really enjoyed sharing my day-to-day mom-isms with you and hope to continue to share through other spaces. If I can leave you with one thing, I just want you all to know that we as women and mothers are all doing the best we can. We have to stop beating ourselves up — and stop beating each other up.

Additionally, we should make sure to enjoy our kids at every stage. By the time kids are 2 years old, they will all be able to stack blocks. By kindergarten, they will all count to 10. By third grade they will read (not all … I think I didn’t really start till fifth grade!). What I’m trying to say is that by 18, they will all be potty trained and have gone through puberty.

I for one know at that point — when Zev is dating and talking about moving out — I will try very hard to lock him back in that car and keep him with me forever. So enjoy ‘em while we have ‘em!

– Marissa Jaret Winokur

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Showing 89 comments

klutzy_girl on

Good luck on having another baby!

Kristen on

I really like her! I love hearing her tell us about her life. She seems like one of those women that would be easy to get along with. I do hope that baby #2 comes soon for her and her family! How could we not want to hear about the next chapter of her life… Congratulations in advance Marissa! :)

Lila on

I am happy for them if this is what they want, I hope it works for them.

That being said. I get annoyed with people forcing themselves to have another because their child “needs” a sibling. As an only child, I had a wonderful life and still do. My daughter will be an only child and is happy and well adjusted. And recent studies show that onlies are actually as happy (if not happier) then children with sibs. They are also almost always academically advanced.

So I say have another if you want another, but don’t do it to give your child a “gift” they may or may not even want.

Shannon on

Best of luck to you in trying to have another little one! You have a lovely family and Zev is so adorable!

CMCEAC on

I love your honesty in your blogs and I’m going to miss reading them. Good luck with baby #2, I hope he or she comes sooner rather than later :)!

lac's mom on

I love that her son calls everything “spicy”. So does my 3 year old daughter. Everything is too “spicy”. I have enjoyed reading the blogs and the craziness that comes with motherhood. Good luck on baby #2. I recently had my second baby and he is still in the “alien” stage but I fallen deeper in love with him every day. Like she mentioned, I couldn’t imagine loving anything as much I do my daughter but I do!

Kris on

Oh, Marissa! I wish you nothing but luck and love as you begin this journey. Your heart may be broken along the way, but things always work out exactly as they’re supposed to.

I’ll miss your blog on People – please please please consider writing on a different blogging platform. Not everyone has twitter or facebook or any of the bajillion other social media accounts. You’re a great writer, and many of us would love to walk the road of motherhood with you.

sarawara on

MJW is one of my FAVORITE celebs. She seems to be very normal. Maybe that’s because I, too, am a crazy, big haired Jewish mama… LOL

Her blog is so down to earth and honest. Every mom wonders how she will love subsequent children, but the COOLEST thing about love is that it isn’t exponential! It isn’t divided among children, it grows and multiplies! As the mother of 3 with another on the way (via adoption!) I have seen love grow between me and my husband as well as my own love grow for my children, and THEIR love grow for one another.

Family truly is the greatest blessing, and I am totally stoked for the Winokur/Miller clan! P.S. the greatest gift you can give a child is a sibling. Truly. As children, it teaches them to share, be kind and love selflessly. As adults they help carry one another’s burdens. The more the merrier!

Jes on

I will miss your blogs, as a non mom I’ve really enjoyed your honesty that should one day we have a little one, that I’ll have crazy days and I’m not alone in it that my friends though they look like they’re perfect they too had crazy days. I wish you the best of luck in the 2nd little one and hope he/she comes soon for you and your family. I hope to see you back here with baby #2.

Thank you!

Leia on

Congrats to them! I understand wanting your child to have a sibling. I can’t imagine growing up without mine and I want the same for my kids

Jen on

Good luck with trying to conceive! My husband and I conceived our two daughters via IUI, and I know firsthand that it can be hard (and often sad) when conception doesn’t include sex, but as of course you know the end results are SO worth it! I hope everything works out the first time around for you and your husband.

Kat_momof3 on

Good Luck!! I think you’re a great mom… and any baby would be lucky to join that family!

Toya L. on

Wishing you nothing but best wishes with conceiving your next child.

Tracy on

I’ll miss your blogs! My son is the same age (I think their birthdays are really close), so I love reading all about what you’re dealing with during this stage in his life.

My son says everything is “pooky” (which is his version of “spooky”), and I also have to “trick” him to going to day care some days. We have to drive past the fire station to get to day care, so I always tell him we’re going to see the fire trucks. Like you, I’m not lying. It’s just a little motivation to get him out the door.

Lots of luck with Baby #2!

Janice on

Good luck!! You are absolutely right we are all in this (mom thing) together and trying our best. We should celebrate each other. It has been wonderful reading your blogs. I have laughed and I have cried. I will def. be following on twitter.

Jamie on

I have enjoyed reading your posts. I’m not a twitter person but hopefully any wonderful news that you receive will be posted on the Celebrity Babies website. Best of luck in all your future endeavors.

Terri on

Good luck on getting pregnant again!

Stephanie on

Marissa,
I have really enjoyed reading your blog and will miss it, but I wish you and your family all the best in trying for baby #2. I agree with you, whatever will be will be and it all happens for a reason.

My little guy is 21 months and his Hanukkah this years sounds a lot like your sons. He loved lighting the candles, playing with the little people Hanukkah set and everything else that goes with it (especially presents). It was very hard to explain Hanukkah was over. At his music class all of the kids make up a different thing to say hello, my little guy decided to spin like a dreidel! My mom (his Bubbe) said it was too cute, I wasn’t there as I am a working mom like you!

Best of luck in 2011, can’t wait for the good news!

Jen on

If people choose to have one child that is their decision, but I do think it’s better for kids to have a sibling. I am an only child and I really wish I had a brother or sister, especially now that I am an adult. I was raised by a single mom and it was lonely. She also wished that she could have had another child.

I chose to have my kids 20 months apart and I am so happy to see the close bond that they have. It wasn’t easy, and yes my firstborn didn’t get all of my attention for long, but they love each other and always have someone to play with. I also appreciate my one-on-one time with each child much more. And having a sibling teaches them to get along with one another and how to handle conflict. I think it prepares them a little for what is to come later when they go to school. Also, it helps me because they can entertain each other when I have to cook and clean. Good luck to you!!

Emma on

Sincerest best wishes as you embark on your journey to add to your family. I’ve been through the IVF hormones, and can completely relate to that side of things! May your embryos find a welcoming home.

I’ve loved reading about what a normal mom you’ve turned into. I’ve struggled myself with not being able to conceive naturally, and comparing myself to all these other moms that seem to do it so easily. It has been a pleasure to read about your journey, and your feelings. We’re all just trying to do the best for our children, after all!

Best wishes for the future and your future family! I too will be hoping to add to my family this year. I hope both our dreams come true.

miameows on

I wish you lots of luck! I’m now following you on twitter, I have loved reading your blogs so much, can’t wait to hear more!

Bancie1031 on

Wishing Marissa the best of luck on having another child! Hope it works out the very first time instead of having to go through a couple of rounds …… I’m following you on twitter and look forward to the pregnancy announcement!

Shelley on

I’m a little confused, does this mean she has had her uterus out but still has her ovaries? For some reason I had just assumed it was all taken out. Anyway, best wishes!!!!

Niche on

Best wishes to Marissa and her family. Like many before me have stated, I really enjoyed her blog. It was refreshing to read about another mom, celebrity mom at that, with some of the same mommy hurdles as “the rest of us”.

@ Lila, I also hear a lot of mom’s saying their child needs a sibling. I get that a lot from other people that have more than one child, basically saying my son needs a sibling. He’s happy and healthy now, so with or without a sibling I hope he’ll continue to be happy and healthy.

Good Luck Marissa! Be patient and keep the faith!

B.J. on

Best of luck to you!!! Zev is such a joyful little soul. Always puts a smile on my face. Peace and love to your family!

erika on

oh so sweet!!! i am sad her posts on here are ending. :-( i am so hopeful for them that ivf and a surrogate will work again this time!!! i wonder if they will use the same surrogate? so excited to hear about the next addition to the winokur family!!! all the best!

kristi on

You will be amazed at your capacity to love another child as much as you do your first. It took me nine years for my second to get here and he was so worth the wait. Now I have a 19 yr old and a 10 yr old and I don’t know how that happened so quickly! You are so right that you need to enjoy each step and the memories we get to keep from those years. Children are such blessings!

Tee on

Shelley, yes, that would mean she still has at least one ovary. They don’t necessarily have to remove the ovaries for cervical cancer. Likely the doctors chose to leave them in so Marissa wouldn’t go into menopause so early.

Marissa, I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts! I’ll be praying for ya’ll as you try for baby number two! Zev will make a wonderful big brother!

Mina on

Children dont NEED a sibling. They can learn to share through instruction and daycare or pre-school where there is emphasis on socialization. There are also friends and relatives (cousins). My main playmate growing up was my cousin who is only 2 months younger than me.

Also there are cons to a sibling too..like jealousy. My friend had her 2 kids very close in age so they could “keep each other company” while she cooked and cleaned but ALL they do is fight and she has to constantly yell or break them up and the time it takes her to separate them and explain to them that its wrong and not nice to fight, etc…she NEVER gets any cooking or cleaning done lol. So her plan backfired.

My only child is used to playing alone so he is content to do so. It has also broadened his imagination. And he is the smartest in his class because all my focus was on him and he learned alot thru adult talk.

I am 1 of 4 and I would LOVE to be an only child. My siblings and I do not get along (never did) and all they ever did was bring me down. I guess there are pro’s and con’s to both, but siblings are not needed and sometimes not even wanted!

Molly on

I am geuinely bummed to hear this is your last blog here. But I will keep following you in other ways, because seriously, you are an awesome woman! I appreciate your advice to be kinder to ourselves as moms…and kinder to eachother as well. Change starts with us! All the best to you and your family.

Caroline on

Good luck trying for a second baby!

One thing you wrote really struck home with me and is SO true. As women we have to support each other, hold each other up, and celebrate our similarities AND our differences, especially when it comes to having and raising our kids. I’m glad you’re feeling more comfortable in your “mommy” skin. As mom to a 21-month-old, I can totally relate!

Kristen on

@ Shelley, if the cancer had not spread to other reproductive organs, doctors would most likely have left her ovaries in place. Removal of a uterus does not cause meno-pause, removal of ovaries does. Women with hysterectomies like Marissa’s still ovulate each month and the egg is reabsorbed by their bodies unless, as in her case, they are being taken for IVF/surrogacy. When a younger woman is facing a cancer such as cervical cancer or uterine cancer and the doctors are aware they would like children in the future, if it is at all possible, most doctors will do everything they can to save the woman’s ovaries. Many doctors also do this to avoid pre-mature onset of menopause (which many women don’t want either) as well.

Congrats to the Winokur-Miller family. It is wonderful to hear this hopeful news! While I know many, very happy only children, I also know most of us with siblings and my own children do need each other once we have each other. It may not be an “unmet need” prior to the second, third, etc child’s birth, but ask my three-year-old and he NEEDS his sister and brother because he NEEDS someone to play puppies or cars with.

Janae on

Best of luck to you on baby #2 and all that you do! I have fully enjoyed reading every one of your blogs, thank you for sharing!

Halley on

Good Luck with baby #2!! I am finally,finally pregnant again after many years of worry that my amazing son would be an only child! They will be almost 8 years apart, but this baby is our family’s Christmas miracle :) Many congratulations in advance to you for Zev’s baby brother or sister!

Rayna on

I will miss your blog. :( Thanks for letting us into your life and your heart. Best wishes on having another baby!!!

Rachel on

Good luck to you Marissa, I have really enjoyed reading your blogs! I do hope you get another little one to love!

Shelley on

Ok, thanks everyone for explaining. That makes sense, I wasn’t thinking about menopause and I also didn’t realize you can take out the uterus but keep ovaries.

LisaZ on

Ug….I am SO tired of people saying that their kid HAS to have a sibling – where the heck is that written? The world is overpopulated enough as it is and I can tell you from experience that people who grow up with siblings often have terrible self esteem as a result of comparing themselves their whole lives with their siblings. An only child has the wonderful opportunity of growing up as just themselves, having no-one to compare to and reveling in their parents’ love. I get so irritated when I see these moms taking up the whole grocery aisle with their 4, 5 or 6 kids and the kids are always whining and crying and screaming and the mom is either yelling at them or totally ignores them. I just look down at my six year old girl and we smile at eachother knowing that we have the best situation in the world!

Mikey on

I understand her wanting a sibling for her child. It’s wonderful that many of you love being an only child. I have no idea how old any of you are, but I imagine you are still somewhat young and possibly have extended families. I am an only child, both my father and mother were only children and thought it was wonderful. I, however, find myself with no siblings, no cousins, no aunts/uncles. I am still amazed when people talk about their siblings and cousins. I made a decision to have at least two children. They are in their 20′s and I love to watch them interact and they may not admit it, but they like knowing they have someone in the world that knows all about them and shared a childhood.

Jessica Elmore on

Good luck & best wishes! If you need a womb mines all yours. I was just prepared to be a surrogate for a local couple & sadly they ended their relationship. My womb is prepped & ready ;-) Kids are awesome, I’d die without my two. I only wish I was young enough to be a surrogate several times.

Heather on

-I’m really going to miss Marissa’s blog. Best wishes for her next baby or babies, twins would be fun! I think the size of your family is a very personal choice. There are pros and cons to both. I grew up as an only child and it was fine. When we had our first it was a very difficult pregnancy and delivery. I thought if we only have one, it’s good. We now have 3!! My two boys are 3 years apart and love, love, love each other. They are 7 and 4 and have always gotten along great. Baby number three is our little girl and the boys adore her. We had more kids because we wanted more, not to give our son a playmate.

Karen on

I’ll miss your blog. You’re a very sweet mom, and I really hope you are blessed with another child.

Bree on

Really had to laugh with the comment about not having the time to “try” or “just do it to do it” my husband and I are trying for our first and there are some days where we are just to tired or busy sometimes we think it would be way easier to adopt or try ivf so that we could sleep at night (not trying to make light of anyone that can’t conceive naturally, can’t imagine what it must be like and very thankful that both my husband and I are healthy but some day after working all day and cleaning and cooking all we want to do is sleep!!)

Going to miss reading this blog, it has been one of my favorites with so much humour and not masking the lows or overdoing the highs. Not a twitter person so come back with another blog soon Marissa!!

Sage on

Mina- You don’t get along with your siblings, GASP!

Marissa you are so lovely and the best of luck to you. You are a great mom and I hope you have another little miracle soon!

ELC on

Lots of luck to you and your family. Hope Channukah was extra special for you and hopefully next year you will have a new addition to your family.

Kathy on

I agree that children do not “need” a sibling. Most people aren’t familiar with the research done regarding “only” children. They turn out just as happy and well-adjusted as kids with a sibling. And, yes, they are typically advanced in school. Having a sibling can be wonderful. I know, I have brothers. We are close but not as close as my dear best friend. People should stop saying that children “need” a sibling. What are you saying to only children or people who choose to have one child? I have one child and she is happy, smart, well-adjusted, kind, loving and confident. In today’s world of polital correctness I think people should be more open-minded about family size choice. And by the way, lots of people have too many kids that they can’t handle!

Holiday on

Good luck! I hope it happens quickly for you! I have a little boy and 7 months ago had a daughter. The love is split equally between them and I love having 2 kids! I feel bad for only kids… it must be lonely. I am so glad I had my sister growing up because it would have been pretty boring and lonely with only my parents.

Amy on

I adore her and wish her nothing but the best but I do have a question. Since she had cancer 10 years ago is it safe to take all those hormones in order to harvest the eggs?

Jill on

Sage, I thought the SAME thing!!!

Carrie on

Congratulations and Good Luck i hope all goes well for you and your husband. I am a single mom. I have 2 kids, ages 14 and 3. The age difference is a big gap, but the bond between them is unbelievable!! My daughter (who is 14) couldn’t love her little brother more :) It melts my heart to see them playing together or just chilling out :) I didn’t know I could love 2 kids as much as I do. I find myself tearing up and bursting with pride over the smallest things they do. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, but the most rewarding. I cannot imagine my life without my babies. I wish I could keep them forever, but as all moms know, we must let go as they get older and let them experience life. Congratulations to your family Marissa :) Thanks for making us all smile :)

LittleMo on

Not getting along with a sibling is one thing and not being close because of that is a choice. When there are no siblings, that child may be spoiled and enjoy the attention in their younger years but as time goes on, it will mean burying your parents by yourself, growing old by yourself, etc. Even if you marry and have your own family, there will still be that sense of being alone.

Liz on

I too, wish you the best. It’s a fantastic journey you are on.

However, not “all” children reach the milestones you mentioned. Only typically developing ones do. One of my kids is autistic, and he has not achieved some of them and may not anytime soon. I know all too well however, that what is most important is what you said about how we are all doing our best. Just please don’t forget about those of us that are not having the typical developmental experience, any more than you are having the typical conception experience.

Your child and child(ren?) to be clearly have a loving family. Best to you for a safe and joyful experience in adding to your clan!

Jill on

LittleMo, not necessarily true. A child with siblings can be spoiled….my cousins daughter is spoiled rotten compared to her brothers! I am an only child but will never grow old or bury my parents alone bc I have my family and friends who I consider family. I have a cousin who is like my sister. Having siblings is no guarantee that you will not be alone as an adult. I, have never felt alone as an only child.

MOMO on

“LittleMo” is 1/3 correct… the ONLY negative result of the most recent published study of only children (that was done in a 40 year time span) is that of the ANXIETY over aging parents.

As far as the stereotype that only children are spoiled, can’t share, lonely, all of that is bulls**t. This study confirms that as well. (it was featured in TIME magazine about 3 or 4 months ago)

FYI – the myth of children “must have..” “need..” siblings comes from the Dr. G Stanley Hall, who founded the American Journal of Psychology. Probably his most famous work was a publication in 1897 called “..A peculiar and exceptional children..” and in it he cited only children as “”a disease in itself…” With no basis of fact nor studies to support this.

That has created this stigma ever since.

There are selfish people that HAVE siblings and there are loving, balanced adults that were ONLY children.. it simply isn’t fair to make a sweeping allegation on human behavior.

Good luck to M!

Mina on

Sage and Jill, yeah I don’t. Got a problem with that? When you have 2 older sisters who are bombshells and twins, all the guys I ever went with flocked to them (except my hubby now). Growing up my sisters payed me no mind, cuz I was the younger sister. They had their own lives and I was NOT part of it.

I was closer to my brother but even he had his own life, being an older male. They tattled on me whenever possible. Since I was overprotected by my mom (being the baby of the family) I was often the butt of discipline. They got to do things I couldnt and I was often held back. It was frustrating. The only thing that got me thru childhood was my friends. They were truly my siblings who showed me nothing but acceptance, love, support, etc. Siblings can bring on problems. Marissa might not be in for smooth sailing. I’m just saying. I am no way trying to be mean.

Siblings are NOT automatically going to get along. And I am NOT the only one in this world who doesnt get along with their sibs. I know numerous people who dont from experience, but I am sure in this big ol’ world there are many more!

LisaZ, perfectly said! I cant stand the moms who cant handle the ones they have too. I went to Chuck E Cheese the other day and the woman had so many kids that her toddler ran into the kitchen and the manager brought her daughter out and said she almost touched the hot ovens. I would hate to think if she DID. She was like 2 years old!

Kathy, also perfectly said.

kmb on

Mina, sorry for your unfortunate sibling experience, but that doesn’t mean siblings are bad/wrong/unnecessary. Sounds like you’ve got some severe jealousy/resentment issues, and I feel bad that you didn’t get to experience how great it can be to have brothers and sisters. You would surely see things differently. Obviously siblings are not always going to get along, that’s a given. But neither are friends. Or co-workers. Or neighbors. Or spouses. Do we eliminate/prevent these relationships too, just in case they don’t get along or have issues along the way? What a sad lonely life it would be.

Your ChuckECheese story sounds like a case of bad mothering, nothing more. Don’t judge all big families by one careless mother and her brood.

Mina on

I totally understand that there are some friendly siblings…but there are just as many non-friendly ones. Its not a guarentee. Dont think that a sibling is some kind of gift to your existing child because it can just as well be a curse. I agree with the person who said if u want another baby, do it for yourself, not because you feel obligated. I would NEVER have another baby just because my first born wants a sibling…that is spoiling imo. Besides I would hate to think I was only born because my sibling asked for me. Kids are not presents for each other. I’m happy for anyone who has experienced a good sib relationship but PLEASE dont assume it will be that way with everyone.

Caroline on

Why do the people that post who were only children sound so defensive and prickly? So she says her kid needs a sibling- You don’t live in her house- you don’t know her personal family dynamic well enough to definitively state that she is wrong for making her decision and saying what she said. Nobody is trying to imply, infer or state that because you grew up as an only child or because you have have only one child that some how something is “off” or “wrong” with you.

Geez chill out- to each his own- there are too many examples of multiple kids in a family that didn’t or don’t get along and there are plenty of examples as to why being an only child can suck. It is never all or nothing- most people don’t live in such black or white situations- we all live a little gray , too ya know. It is what it is and you make the best of your own personal situation

Tatiana on

Best of luck Marissa…I have really enjoyed reading your blog – I have never read any other “blogs” until now and will really miss it!

You are a great Mom and deserve all the happiness…

Cheers :) Tatiana

molly on

Best of Luck! I know very well, the ups and downs of infertility and I hope and pray that Zev has a sibling to play with and Marissa’s dreams come true, again!

Can’t wait to hear good news to follow!

jessicad on

I’ll miss your blog and thanks for sharing with us! It’s nice to know even celebrity Moms share the same struggles:) Good luck with the process of having your next child and I wish you guys the best!

I think siblings are absolutely a gift, I have 2 and can’t imagine life without them. No we didn’t always get along when we were younger and it was hectic at times but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. My best friend is an only child and she has said multiple times she wishes she had a sibling, especially when her Mother was suddenly killed a few a years ago. She was the only one there to help her Dad cope and she said it was a huge responsibility to take on at 25 years old, not that she minded but it would’ve been nice to have a sibling to talk to and help.

Mina, I’m sorry your experience with siblings isn’t a good one. It sounds like your parents should have stepped in if all they ever did was put you down, no one should have to endure things like that.

Michelle on

Good luck Marissa! Somehow, someway you will be blessed. I can’t wait to read how your journey continues…which I guess means creating a Twitter account. Haha. (I held out for so long!) I wish you and your family a VERY Happy New Year! May it bring everything you’ve ever wanted…
Smiles from Sunny (although not today) Florida!
Smiles,
Michelle

Kimberly on

Thanks so much for sharing your story! I’m scheduled to have a hysterectomy next month and I’m terrified and heartbroken. Reading your blog has helped tremendously. Good luck to you and Judah in having another bundle of joy!

Karin on

Good luck to you on having a 2nd baby! Babies are the best! I have a 2 year old grandaughter and when she is asked to do anything her response is “I’m busy!” It’s so funny. Enjoy Zev, they grow much too quickly!

G.G. on

@ Caroline and kmb – well said! Exactly what I was thinking.

G.G. on

@ JessicaD – well said too!

Jill on

Caroline, the same can be said for needing a child! I feel those people are being defensive. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Anonymous on

Siblings, no siblings, doesn’t really matter. Good parenting makes for happy, productive kids. My mom is an only child, and she’s amazing, loved her upbringing and never felt lonely. My husband is one of seven and he’s amazing, loved his upbringing, and never felt neglected or compared. The common denominator? Loving parents who encouraged individuality and mutual respect.

Amy on

So basically people who are only children do not have anyone to talk to and when their parents die, they will be alone? As an only child myself, that is extremely offensive to say that even if I have my own family with husband and kids, I will still be alone??? So I guess those with siblings should just stay living together forever then instead of creating their own family.

jessicad on

Thanks G.G.!

Also meant to add that of course only children are well adjusted and happy people too and if that’s what you choose nothing wrong with that:)

Courtney on

Geez, the only children sure are up-in-arms. You all have every right to be perfectly happy with your life as an only child. Marissa has every right to want a sibling for her son. Why try to censor what she says, or get all up in arms, when your life and experiences have nothing to do with hers?

I’m the oldest of two, and my sister and I are 17 months apart. Growing up, I used to wish I were an only child – we had knockdown, drag-out fights. We called each other horrible names. We’re 31 and 30 now, spent years after leaving our parents’ house living in separate apartments in the same building, and are closer than I ever could’ve imagined during my childhood. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful group of very close friends, all of whom I love very much. But my sister is my very best friend, and will be for the rest of my life. And my parents gave that to me. Maybe people who say their child “needs a sibling” have had similar experiences – I know that’s why I plan to have two.

Meghan on

Marissa and Judah have every right to want a second child without the singletons or parents of singletons getting defensive. We all have to do what is right for OUR family and we REALLY need to lay off with the criticisms–or debates that are nothing more than thinly veiled criticisms.

My mother was an only child. My Grandmother struggled for seven years to conceive. Mom grew up to be a wonderful and selfless person, but she DID NOT like not having a sibling. My grandparents tended to hover because they didn’t have other children to worry about. When she grew up, she turned around and had four kids. Her wonderful parents delighted in my brothers and myself and loved us like their own children.

I adore my brothers. Marissa stated that she has several siblings and probably enjoyed that experience and wants Zev have that too. I can totally understand that. I would prefer to have several children myself, God willing. But I know from my Grandma’s experience, things don’t always play out as you plan. But, I loved growing up with brothers and wouldn’t want it any other way.

We don’t know if siblings will get along until well after their born, so you can’t really say, ‘sometimes siblings don’t like each other’. If you desire more than one kid, would that possibility really dissuade you? Also, if Marissa has two children to raise, maybe she won’t sleep with Zev anymore and we all know how many of you gave her a hard time about that! My Mom always felt that her parent’s caution with her would have been much less if her parent’s had had a second child to raise. And when my Grandparents did die, she was very alone despite a close knit bunch of Italian Aunts, Uncles and Cousins and her four kids by her side. Nothing is a stand-in for the sibling relationship.

Good Luck Marissa! I’ll miss your blog, but I won’t miss the comment section!! Hopefully by next year we will be reading your birth announcement right here!!!

Mary on

Singletons or parents have every right to voice their opinion just like those of multiples. Those of multiples seem to be all for the drama and only wanting the topic on them! Everyones opinion counts should count…..some of you seem to forget! No one is sensitive or defensive…..just chatting. Well, guess the multiples may be defensive and trying to divert the attention!! :)

Tee on

I honestly couldn’t imagine life without my sister. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. Knowing that I will die soon and she will be the only one left is without a doubt the hardest part of being terminal.

Mina, I’m really sorry to hear about your history with your sisters and brother. It makes me sad to think that you don’t have the relationship with your siblings that I have with my sister. You’re right, you don’t HAVE to have a sibling in order to have a good life. I just couldn’t see it any other way.

Kimberly, I am undergoing a hysterectomy soon, too. The one ovary I had ruputured recently and caused a heart attack. Like you, I’m heartbroken over the thought and scared to death. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and that I’m praying for you!

dd on

I have a brother who I never got along with, our parents are dead, and I’m still “alone.” No guarantees in life, people. I will be raising my daughter as an only child and I am looking forward to it.

MG on

Of course there are no guarantees in life that siblings will get along with each other. I have an older sister who is 4 year older than me & a younger sister who is exactly 1 year & 1 week younger than me. I also have 2 younger teenage sisters. Me & the older 2 didn’t get along at all until we reached adulthood & we’re all extremely close now.

Marissa has a right to want to extend her family without being criticized, just like others have a right to keep their family with only 1 child. I hope to be able to extend my family in the next couple of years. If it doesn’t happen, then I will be happy with the 1 that I have.

Erin on

So disappointed to read that this is your last blog Marissa! You have brightened up my Fridays with your positive outlook! I wish you all the very best in all that you do and hope to hear that you, Judah and Zev will be welcoming an addition to your family! I hope you saw through the outpouring of comments on your blogs how many lives you touched with your stories of Zev and struggling to balance motherhood, work and being a wife. You have truly inspired me and I will miss reading your blogs.

God bless and congrats on your ten year anniversary! I look forward to seeing you on The Talk!

Kim on

Congratulations Marissa! I also walked down the IVF road, and now have a 15 month old as a result of it. His brother or sister is still in the freezer ;>

TM on

I agree with all of the folks that say kids don’t necessarily need siblings. I have a 20 month old daughter and we done having children. She, too, is incredibly advanced for her age because she receives one on one instruction from me daily.

When my husband and I began discussing children, we knew that we could give one child a phenomenal life (preschool, college education, organic food, one on one attention, etc). We certainly couldn’t accomplish this goal with two, three, or four children.

I wholeheartedly, however, salute those parents that have more than one child and live a balanced, happy life.

Birgitta Lauren on

Good Luck and be careful to stay truly healthy and natural, exercise and eat really healthy and you’ll have a wonderful pregnancy and healthy baby.

Jane on

I was an only child primarily because my parents didn’t have a lot money and wanted to make sure I had the best chances they could give me. I never regretted being an only child, and appreciated having all my parents’ attention! But my husband has a brother he’s very close too, so its all about what’s best for your family, right?

Amy on

Marissa, I have enjoyed reading your blogs so much! Please do considering blogging on your webpage or elsewhere. Congrats on your decision to try for another child! How wonderful. I hope the process goes as easily and smoothly as possible for you :)

crg on

Jill-
I don’t really care one way or the other how people feel about kids with siblings vs. only children. However, I did notice that you said you wouldn’t be alone because you have your family (cousins) and friends, but do you realize that an only child’s child may have no cousins at all, no aunts and uncles just like one of the other posters here said is case with her family? I never really thought about that before. Both of my parents come from families with two boys and two girls. I fell really lucky to have so many aunts and uncles and cousins.

Samantha on

I have had SO much fun reading ALL the comments and Marissa’s article. I guess because I am thinking of having 2 more kids. I already have 2 beautiful little boys who are the light of my life and I want more. That simple. I am not sure how I am going to do it. I plan to go to work like I do now and continue to work hard and advance in my career. I would hope that my husband will continue to advance as well because I don’t believe in living off the system.

I grew up with 2 of my siblings but after a new marriage and finding adopted siblings, there are now 8 of us. My mom was one of 12 and my dad is one of 9. We are a big, crazy family. Sometimes, we fight and hate each other. But at times like when my grandfather passed away, we come together, flying in from all over the world to be there. I don’t know what I would do without my siblings, honestly. I am extremely close to my sister and I just want to cry and cry when I think about the fact that we will have to leave each other one day. I adore my other siblings too and I don’t want to lose them either. I talk to my sister almost every day about motherhood, men, we laugh together, cry together and, yes, we argue. But we move on because we love each other deeply.

I wish Marissa and her family the best. Like another poster said, only Marissa and her family knows what is best for their family.

I “gave” my son another sibling because he is SO hyper and I just knew he would do so much better growing up with someone. I also wanted them to protect each other. And they are now the best of friends. I encourage them to treat each other well and respect and love each other. To hear them laughing together in their room is priceless and I truly feel blessed every time I hear it.

I can’t imagine my life without one son or the other. They are the loves of my life and I wouldn’t mind “giving” them more siblings to share in the joy and pain of growing up together. As someone said, sharing a childhood is priceless. Only a sibling will know what it was truly like growing up in their house with their parents.

I don’t know much about only children. It always seemed lonely to me. My cousin is an only child and she is quite spoiled. And I kind of think it’s sad that she has to rely on her cousins and friends because she doesn’t have any siblings. She always seems a little misplaced though I love her so much. She is always welcome to be with us but she is not our sibling and we are not hers. She will never understand the sibling bond and the siblings already have their true bonds.

The only children who were able to not feel lonely or deprived…I am SO happy for you all. It’s all to each his or her own and living life to the fullest and through happiness.

Take care, all. :)

Vanessa on

First off…congrats on trying for baby #2 and I hope it goes perfectly….If that’s possible. I feel the same way about should we have a second baby. I am not sure I want to share my love and if I could, how could I possibly love another baby as much as we love our little Keegan. It’s CRAZY how much I LOVE him!!

As your blog ends Liz Rohm’s starts. Pretty funny that you two were one of my closest friends growing up. I am so happy for you and admire your successes in all aspects of your life. Still sad about the loss of your father. The family photo above is beautiful. I am sure it is in an awesome frame somewhere in your home. God bless, miss you, love you always and hope to see you one day soon.

Lynn on

Geez, people. When she said her son “needs” a sibling, she was making a joke! I quote, “I know having me as a mom is hard and he needs a brother or sister to share my craziness with!” Who knows why she wants another kid. Probably, like 90% of us that have multiple children, she is doing it because she WANTS to. And good luck to her! I wish her the best.

Terr on

Why not adopt?

Anna on

Marissa,
I don’t know if you still read these comments or not, but I’m so sorry to hear of the passing of your Dad.
My most sincere sympathies for your loss.
oxoxoxoxo

swwmom on

I wish Marissa good luck with her hope to have another child.

I am the mom of a single child, and I wished he had sibling. So does he. He has watched his friends with their siblings and he has often said that he wished he had at least one. He even mentioned it in his bar mitzvah speech. After 8 pregnancies and only 1 live birth, I wished things could have been different, but he remains my only miracle.

I have 3 sisters and a brother. No we don’t get along all of the time. But when my mom died 15 years ago, we were all very happy to have had each other. I can’t imagine going thought that alone. And even though I had a loving and supportive spouse, he didn’t know my parents like my siblings and he didn’t feel her loss like we did.

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