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Lisa Ling Shares Miscarriage Experience

12/09/2010 at 12:45 PM ET
Mike Coppola/FilmMagic

In an episode of The View set to air Friday, former co-host Lisa Ling reveals that she had a miscarriage six months ago, and says the experience left her feeling like “a complete failure.”

“I felt more like a failure than I’d felt in a very long time,” Ling, 37, says in the interview.

Already seven weeks pregnant, Ling, who is married to oncologist Paul Song, was told by doctors that her baby had no heartbeat.

Ling says that before the miscarriage she was “sort of cavalier” about the pregnancy.

“We actually [hadn't] been trying that long,” she says. “I don’t know that I took it as seriously as I should have because it happened so fast. But then when I heard the doctor say there was no heartbeat it was like bam, like a knife through the heart.”

She says the fear of another miscarriage has left her “devastated” but she decided to share her experience to take the stigma out of talking about miscarriages.

She’s also started a web site, Secret Society of Women, so that women can share their own personal stories.

– Charlotte Triggs

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Showing 33 comments

Sarah S. on

Lisa–please do not feel like a failure. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks when I was pregnant the first time (at age 27). You are not alone. One out of every four women have a miscarriage. I had two successful pregnancies after that. It will happen to you as well. Best of luck to you and your husband. :)

tink1217 on

My thoughts go out to her and her husband..I have had 15 miscarriages since we started trying for #3 (2nd marriage). Last year was my last one and we stopped trying. It is heartbreaking to say the least. Not many people can really truly understand unless they have been through it. Odds are in her favor though for a healthy outcome next time but trying again and waiting through those first few weeks is scary. Lots of luck to them!

molly on

Tink1217- I am so sorry for your losses. That is so painful and I hope somehow you find your 3rd child- but just know you must have 2 amazing blessings in your life right now!

Like the other women say, “You are NOT a failure”. Life happens and as tough as that can be sometimes, Life is not always in our control. It truly can’t be understood, the feelings that you go through experiencing a miscarriage. I had 2 miscarriages, 2 surgeries and months of hormones and stopped trying after over 3 years and began adoption with my husband. We were so excited to adopt and then BAM- I became pregnant and am so blessed to have my 2 year old so! We have since had at least one known miscarriage (ectopic at that) but hope to again soon begin adoption for a sibling.

Life has it’s ways to show you Blessings come in many ways and at many times. Don’t give up hope and realize you aren’t failures. A child that is right for you whether it be from your womb or another woman’s is out there waiting. You just have to keep hoping, loving and trying.

urbanadventurertales on

Love her! Hugs to Lisa and hoping she will have another healthy pregnancy soon.

Kristin on

Sad. Best of luck to Lisa and I hope she gets a baby in her arms soon.

Lila on

Hugs to her and her husband! Miscarriages are so hard to endure, but it does help to talk about it and not feel you have to hide it.

tink1217 on

thank you Molly…I have actually been thinking of adoption. we will see if it is in the cards or not though. I just always thought I would have 3. But yes…my children from my first marriage are truly blessings. Although older now..my daughter is 21, my son is 20 (he is autistic). We had started trying about 11 years ago and tried and tried and tried…only heartbreak. It took its toll.

I hate when women say they “felt like a failure”…after miscarrying…believe me I felt that way too…almost defective..but I hope she knows she is not a failure. It is hard not to feel that way but it is in no way true.

sgv on

I too had a miscarriage at 9 weeks with my second pregnancy…i felt awful! that moment at the hospital when the doctor said there was no heartbeat…I will never forget those words… i remember thinking it was all my fault, that maybe i did something wrong and “killed” my baby…anyway, after 3 months I got pregnant again, and now I have a beautiful 19 month old baby girl sleeping in my arms while I’m writing this…and although I will always remember how awful I felt when I lost my baby, now I think that everything happens for a reason, because now I can’t see my life without my Giulia…she is here because I had that miscarriage, I know it maybe sound strange, but is how I feel…everything happens for a reason.

Sam & Freya's mum on

Heartbreaking as it is (and I know from personal experience), it doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen again, although completely understand her hesistance/fear of another miscarriage.

I was on tenderhooks the first 4mths or so of my last pregnancy, unable to shake the fear of a 2nd miscarriage. Thankfully a happier experience, was meant to be, and we had our daughter in Jan 08. Suffered a miscarriage between between babies 1 and 2, just over 4 years ago now. It isn’t talked about enough; I found once I opened up other people who’d also suffered from one opened up about their experiences. Unless people have experienced it – as much as they sympathise – they can’t truly understand or relate. I was only 8 1/2 weeks along at the time but grieved for the loss of what would’ve been, and still think of it around the time it happened 4 years ago. Bittersweet of course as we wouldn’t have our little girl (almost 3) if it hadn’t happened, since we only planned on having the two children. Something good coming out of something bad I guess.

All the best to Lisa and her hubby & good on her for opening up about what happened to her. Hope they can go on to have a healthy baby in the future.

Tink 1217, my heart also goes out to you, I cannot imagine going through what you’ve been through.

denise on

What a terrible loss. I feel with her.

but embarrassing what German news did, the mixed up Lisa Ling and Lucy Liu and titles that Lucy Liu miscarried.

Tee on

My heart breaks for any woman that have lost a child. It’s such a devestating thing to experience. I’ll be praying for Lucy and I hope I don’t offend anybody, but I’ll be praying for those of you that posted that ya’ll have lost a baby or babies.

Allison J on

I’m so sorry to hear about Lisa’s miscarriage. Even though I have never had one myself, I know more people than not, who have had a miscarriage or stillbirth. My heart just goes out to them.

I hope Lisa and her husband keep trying for a pregnancy, if that is what they want to do.

Wishing much success and future blessings to Lisa and her husband.

Anna on

I had discovered I was pregnant 4 months after getting married (a Christmas conception). My husband and I were thrilled – first grandchild and told just about everyone. Then 2 months later at our first ultrasound, we knew something was wrong and that’s when we learned that our baby did not develop and that I “could expect the miscarriage in the next couple of weeks”. No appointment, just wait. It was horrible.

Fast forward 8 years later, we were still trying to have a family (through “nature” or adoption) and at a company Christmas dinner (no spouses) everyone had to tell what their “dream” was. It got to me and I shared to be a parent. To be met with laughter and ridicule from the rest of the attendee’s who were all parents. “I’d rather have a dog!” “A pet you can train and don’t have to send to college” and so on. I was devastated and insulted. We were on a dinner boat, so I couldn’t leave, but I went home and cried in the shower for an hour.

I’ve never forgotten their cruel words or forgiven them for their statements. They didn’t know me or our history. We spent 5 years fighting cancer to keep my husband alive. Through medical science, doctors and lots of prayers, he’s cancer free and we adopted a 5 year old girl through the state foster system 2 years ago. But I will never forget the one we lost.

Feminist mom on

Lisa, my heart goes out to you. I have such enormous respect for you and all that you have accomplished professionally. My first pregnancy also ended in a miscarriage. I, like many professional women, delayed childbirth until my education was complete and I had advanced my career goals. After the miscarriage, I felt an enormous amount of guilt and regret that I had not attempted to have a family sooner. I feared that I had waited too long and that my advanced maternal age (yes the dreaded letters on my medical file “AMA”) would preclude me from having a full-term child. Since then, I have had 2 healthy children and am now pursuing adoption of a third. Thank you for sharing this very difficult experience and providing the much needed voice to the darkness many women experience. You are truly a courageous woman.

Annie on

Anna – I’m so sorry. That’s just revolting. Sometimes people are so stupid and clueless. God bless.

t on

i feel for lisa ling. My daughter was 3 months exactly when she was told about her baby having no heartbeat.

Mavs2980 on

My heart goes out to Lisa and her husband, and I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.

After reading the comments, I am truly heartbroken at Anna’s comment. I can’t even imagine people being so cruel as to mock your dream. That people could be so callous has brought me to to tears. However, I’m so happy that your husband is in such good health now and you were able to adopt your little girl. I’m thrilled your dream finally came true.

suz on

I was miscarriage seven weeks but I discovered it was lot of blood clot. I must accepted miscarriage then it cleaned up D&C I finally got pregnant again after three months. I was successful then I was happy to have one child. I remembered it was 20 years ago. Don’t worry and no disappointment your emotional. Keep up your positive and look foward your life. My cousin was one before so she have three kids now.

Jen on

Anna, it breaks my heart that anyone would have to endure heartless comments like the ones you received at that dinner. For anyone to laugh at someone’s dream is just plain cruel. Add to that the trauma of a miscarriage and it’s just unthinkable. I hope you can move forward from their comments (which doesn’t have to mean forgiving or forgetting) because you are clearly better than them. I wish you, your husband and your daughter all the best.

Corrie on

Anna, I am so sorry that happened to you. I have tears in my eyes after reading your story.

Thoughts & prayers to Lisa and her husband, and best wishes.

tink1217 on

Anna…how awful for you…that just plain sucks!!! People can be so insensitive. Although they probably had NO idea your personal struggle people still should think before opening their mouths!! If I had been there..I would have called them out on it!!!

Kat_momof3 on

my prayers and thoughts are with Lisa and her husband. I can only imagine how much it can hurt to suffer that kind of loss.

I hope she not only continues to keep trying, despite the hardships, but also considers adopting. I watched her documentary for National Geographic on China’s girls… and her saying she felt at times the urge to adopt, too… and I think it would be fantastic if she adopted, whether she ends up with biological children or not.

Mrs. R. on

Thank you Lisa Ling for sharing your story with the public, and creating a forum for support. While I have never had a miscarriage, a number of friends have – and it is heartbreaking and devastating every time. To have a place to share their stories and to provide support to others grieving would be a remarkable thing.

Tee on

Anna, I just sat here and cried just reading your story. I am so incredibly sorry for those stupid words that people spoke to you. I have never lost a baby but I have lost my fertility and dreams of having a child. I have also walked down that long road beside my sister when she lost three babies, two through miscarriage and our Penelope was still born. I can’t imagine somebody being so insensitive to say something like that, whether they know your story or not. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your husband and daughter!

CelebBabyLover on

Anna- That’s awful that those people laughed at your dream! Anyway, I’m sorry to hear about Lisa’s miscarriage.

kn82 on

Anna, My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine how those horrible people made you feel. I am so happy that you and your husband (and now your child) have had a happy ending!

I also suffered a miscarriage three months before conceiving my now almost nine year old son. Nothing compares to the heart wrenching grief that I felt over that. I still think about that baby often though. People that have never been through it not only don’t know first hand how it feels but also don’t know how to react without sometimes sounding horrible to the ones dealing with it. (Not always but that was just my experience at the time). The “it wasn’t meant to be” or “you’ll have another one” or “you didn’t really need a baby right now anyways” are just not the right things to say at the time! Add on top of that an unsupportive family and it makes it all that much worse.

Desiree on

My heart goes out to Lisa and her husband as well as the commenters on this post who have suffered losses. I had two m/c before being diagnosed with a clotting disorder – thank you modern medicine! and I’m now expecting a baby girl. The apprehension never goes away and you carry those losses in your heart forever, regardless of how many healthy children you go on to have.

However, I really wish she hadn’t named her website ‘Secret Society of Women.’ It’s precisely this sentiment that makes women who’ve suffered loss feel like failures – we think no one has ever gone through this before and we’re the only ones. Keeping it a ‘Secret’ will only perpetuate that myth.

Women who’ve suffered loss need to be loud about it, calling out to others who feel alone so that we can find each other and support each other through this darkest time in a mother’s life – and you’re a mother if you’ve EVER carried a baby, even for a just a moment.

She and Guiliana Rancic and other celebrities who’ve gone through this are doing the right thing by speaking out and I say to them, keep it up. Don’t let this be a secret – as women, we need to support each other.

Nicole on

Lisa – You will never forget this first child. He or she was the unique product of you and your partner and there will never be another one the same. Please find a way to remember this one and acknowledge your love and loss of this child. I miscarried over three years ago, my second baby, and I named her and consider her my angel. I liked the saying that she budded on earth to bloom in heaven. I was the only one who got to see her little heartbeat on ultrasound and that is what I carry with me. I loved that little heart and I accept that I will never be “over” this loss but it is just part of me now. My husband has his own feelings that are just as valid but different. Mine are mine and it’s ok that ours are different. A nurse who helped me at the hospital during the miscarriage sent me a little silver heart in a card that says, “A heart to remember.” I dated it and keep it in my jewelry box. I also have a lot of anger still over the injustice of this loss and am working on it. Whatever you feel, let yourself feel it fully. Thank you for sharing your story so all of us who have also gone through it know that, whether celebrity or not, women need to help one another through these times.

Erika on

I hate when people make insensitive comments about miscarriage. I think some people don’t know what to say, but still, there is no need to say something rude. My parents lost a baby fairly early in the pregnancy and the doctors found that there was a chromosomal abnormality (not down syndrome but another one which I forget the name of) which is likely why the baby passed. My mother concieved me about 6 months later. Because of this, they had genetic testing with me just to be sure, and found out that I was healthy. People constantly told them “Everything happens for a reason- if you hadn’t lost that unhealthy baby, you wouldn’t be having a perfectly healthy little girl” and “Thank God you lost that other baby- could you imagine having a child with special needs”. They were deeply offended by this and when I got older, they made a point of telling me that my brother or sister left Earth to give me a chance to live, without mentioning the chromosomal issue. They told me later, and I too was appauled by it. People just say the stupidest things!

I’m so sorry for Lisa and everyone else who has to go through this! It is a devestating loss!

Lynne on

I suffered 3 miscarriages and I just lost twins I did gt to hold them in my arms before they died. I too fill like a failure. Lisa and others are in my prayers

Andrea on

Just thought I would clarify, it is 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, not 1 in 4 women.

Al on

I had a stillborn baby 3 months ago and I know exactly how Lucy felt. I was 9 months pregnant. I woke up to my water breaking and me and the father rushed to the hospital. When we got there the nurse could not find a heartbeat. I was devastated. I wanted to scream. I wanted to give me a C-section to get the baby out, but I had to go through labor. I remember feeling like a complete failure. I kept apologizing to my family and friends. I thought my fiance was going to leave me because I couldn’t produce (I’d had a miscarriage six months prior to getting pregnant this time. I remember leaving the hospital feeling like a leper; feeling like everyone was looking at me and whispering. Other women were leaving with babies in car seats and I was leaving with a Memory Box.

I still harbor feelings of hurt and pain when I think of the loss of my baby, and I know this will probably never go away. I just try to think of the good times I got to spend with her inside of me. Me getting to hear the pitter patter of her heartbeat. Her being up at night moving and keeping me awake. I know I will never forget my Angel Baby, and I know that even if I have another child he/she will never replace my first. I just pray daily that my heart heals and its gets easier and deal with the pain.

My prayers go out to everyone that has suffered a loss like ours.

Quana. G on

I know how she feels…. I lost my baby recently on Sept 26th, 2011. I knew I was pregnant(intuition) from since july, and when the pregnancy was confirmed with a blood test on sept 13th, 2011 I was calm and a lil happy. I feel like a complete failiure too know that the baby is gone…. I dont talk about it because my boyfriend even though I love him, doesnt seem to understand how I feel or im not sure if he cares much.. He wouldnt even feel the baby kick when i invited him to experience it, “mind you he has two kids from a previous relationship so i guess i expected more from him.” However He was soo in denial.. but when i went to have my first ultra sound at 9 weeks, he was very shocked and showed more interest when he saw the little guy kicking and swinging in my tummy :D. ( At that point i was truely happy :). But since my misscarriage he was shocked at first to hear about the babies passing, but then quickly went back to his normal self.. He never brings my miscarriage up on his own or tries to talk to me about it without me bringing it up.. So it makes the feeling of me being a Complete failiure 1000 times worse!! :(.. I am scared to death about having another pregnancy in the future, because i dont want any complications or for him to act kinda like how lisa ling did, because he was not serious also and i think the loss did make him think about how much time he wasted being in denial of the pregnancy, “atleast i think”.. Anyway He does have 2 beautiful kids already :) (((from previous relationship))) and i figured he would be more supportive of me since this was my first real pregnancy( ive had 2 miscarriages in the past from my previous relationship, but they were extremely early. However this one was 11 weeks 6 days and i am very heartbroken as you can see it would have been my first baby ever!. I am feeling low since all my friends are around my age 29 and have their firsts kids already years ago, plus my boyfriend has his kids, and im just here grieveing “ALONE in my own room by MYSELF with no support….. I feel ashamed to tell my friends & family not so much about me having a miscarriage but because they didnt even know i was pregnant. They all would have been jumping up and down for me, they been waiting for my turn :D. However My boyfriend is the kinda person who is private so, because of that i dont talk to anyone about it… And i dont talk to my man because he doesnt want to talk about it, or hear me complain, and when i cry, the look on his face to me is one of annoyance…. So im left to morn and go crazy and cry and beat myself up alone. I am very torn about all this, even though he hugged me occasionally and said we can “make more babies” and should plan our next pregnancy and eat all this “organic foods and vitamins stuff like that etc.” Which was all he ever said in regards to it. Great babes!!! :( but I just want some support when im feeling like I failed at being ready as a woman and being able to procreate. I just lost my son..”DAMN IT.” ***CRYING**** :'( .. The spiritual connection that i had with this baby is not going to be the same with anyone else or any other child i have, because each one will be unique spiritually too me.. I cannot ignore the pain I feel…I Feel I failed at life.. Sorry folks for venting alot.

LISA LING YOUR A GEM AND I FEEL WERE YOUR COMING FROM PEACE&LOVE

~*~RIP TO MY SON PETE RYLAN WALTERS, 11WEEKS&6DAYS 07/12/11
10/26/11.~*~ MOMMY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH, FORGIVE ME ANGEL..

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