Joel Madden: It’s Hard Being Away From My Kids

Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Joel Madden has been fronting Good Charlotte — the band he formed with his twin brother Benji — for all of his adult life.

However, after becoming a father to daughter Harlow Winter Kate, 2½, and son Sparrow James Midnight, 14 months, with Nicole Richie, the rocker admits that he sometimes questions whether or not it’s all worth it.

“It’s hard to be away. It’s the first time I ever questioned what I did because sometimes you miss moments and you’re like, ‘Is this worth it?,’ Madden told host Mark Hoppus in an interview on Fuse’s A Different Spin, airing Thursday evening.

What are some of the milestones he has missed? “First word. First step. When [Sparrow] was born I was like, ‘I’m going to be honest with you.’ I was holding him for the first time [and I said], ‘I’m going to miss some birthdays.’”

Madden says his future father-in-law and fellow musician Lionel Richie sympathizes.

“Me and him have become best friends. We talk on the phone a lot. He’s always gone and I’m always gone, but we … totally understand each other. He’s been where I’ve been,” Madden, 31, explains.

Being pals with his fiancée’s father has other benefits as well. “Whenever Nicole is mad at me, for any reason, I call him … and I’m like, ‘Listen, she’s mad at me and I don’t really know why.’ And then he’ll call her and he’ll fix it and it’s really nice having that.”

One person he doesn’t have to worry about getting upset with him is daughter Harlow. Madden wrote a song for her — featured on Good Charlotte’s new record, Cardiology — and the toddler ate it right up.

“She loves it! She calls and says, ‘That’s my song.’ I just wrote it one night and it was really simple, on the piano. Then [Benji] heard it and said, ‘Let’s put it on the record.’ When I sing it to her, I just sing it to her. But when I wrote it, it was to piano.”

Does this mean a song for Sparrow is also in the works? “He’ll get a song eventually,” Madden laughs.

– Carlos Greer

Comments

AWE!! Harlow is soooo beautiful! Joel seems like a really good father as does Nicole seem like a really good mommy. In My opinion we really don’t see enough of Harlow and Sparrow (anymore)

This family is beautiful I think it’s awesome that Joel has a good relationship with Lionel

- Bancie1031 on November 11th, 2010

They seem to be very happy. The kids are adorable.

- dholmas on November 11th, 2010

The interview is sweet for the most part but I think it’s strange to start out with the idea of missing birthdays. A birthday is a set date there are really not many reasons aside from an emergency to miss it.

- Anna on November 11th, 2010

Hands down my favorite celebrity family! I bet Harlow has him wrapped around her finger. Anna-Joel’s career as a musician means that he travels a lot, between press, recording and touring; that have certain dates and deadlines. A lot of musician have come out and spoken about missed events and time away from their families. I can see how hard it can be on everyone involved.

- Lacey on November 11th, 2010

I believe Nicole is keeping the children out of the limelight cause the paparazzi is annoying her..

- Phyllis on November 11th, 2010

he clearly really loves his kids.

i just have a question. there have been several posts by female celebs saying they wish they didn’t have to be away from their kids so much. every time people storm the thread saying how disrespectful it is to women who HAVE to work, and that if these celeb women want to see their kids why don’t they just give up their jobs seeing as they can afford to? personally i tihnk everyone has a right to work and still admit that life can be tough sometimes. it just saddens me to see such a double standard here.

where are those posters? come on own up, who leap down celebs women’s throats everytime they complain about being away from their kids? why is still one rule for women and another for men?

- JM on November 11th, 2010

@JM I was wondering the exact same thing! Talk about double standard. Women can be so critical of other women!

Love this family.

- Jen on November 11th, 2010

Love this family! And…as far as missing bdays and such…yes its a set date and they can try their hardest to schedule stuff around certain dates but when it comes right down to it…the tour is subject to many different schedules….the managers, the sponsors, the venues…it all has to come together for specific times and places and sometimes I am sure it can’t be helped. If he decided to break a contract that would hurt his career in the long run.

- tink1217 on November 11th, 2010

I love this family! Beautiful kids, and in every interview Nicole and Joel always seem fun and well-spoken. I have a lot of respect for them for keeping their kids out of the limelight, and for taking the stand that Nicole is taking against the paparazzi who are going too far, hanging around Harlow’s preschool and chasing Nicole’s car.

- alice jane on November 11th, 2010

@JM same question crossed my mind where are those posters telling him that he should quit his job?, that he has money already?

No he is a man, no one will say such a thing. Shouldn’t be said about working mothers (celebrity or not) who miss their children either

- loren on November 11th, 2010

I was just thinking the same thing as JM and Loren. And I am in no way bashing him. I really like him, and Nicole and I think they are great parents. It’s just, whenever there’s a thread about a woman who says its hard to work and be away from her children there are constant comments as to how shes a terrible mother who should stay home with her kids. Yes, women can be stay at home moms, but I know father’s who are SAHDs (noy suggesting that he should be one AT ALL- just pointing out the fact that there are men who do it, just as women). Not every household needs a parent who doesn’t work. It’s hard for all parents to be away from their kids. I have the upmost respect for parents who work their hardest to provide for their kids, whether they work or choose not to work.

All that aside, Joel seems like a very loving father. I wish we saw more of them, their kids are adorable!

- Erika on November 11th, 2010

@JM: I agree. But I think it’s actually two double standards going on at once, because men get more of a free pass on this kind of thing, but there are also certain celebrity Moms and families in general that get a free pass no matter what (the Richie-Maddens, the Garner-Afflecks, etc) and certain people who get criticizes for EVERY statement they make no matter how innocent (Katherina Heigl comes to mind.)

- Rose on November 11th, 2010

Harrow is absolutely gorgeous.
Love the interview its really sweet.

- Waah!! on November 12th, 2010

I completely agree with the double standard here. I have also seen posts about celeb working moms feeling guilty for not being able to spend all of their time with their kids and lot of the comments were from other women who were quite rude, saying things like “well stay at home then it’s better for the child” etc.

Women just put so much pressure on other women regarding parenting instead of being a bit more understanding and supportive. We all have our reasons for working, whether it’s for financial reasons or because we like working or whatever the reason. Every person should have that option.

Also, I do believe certain celeb families are more favored than others, but I understand we all don’t like the same celebrities & have different views. Anyways, I love that he wrote a song for Harlow, that’s sooo sweet.

- Nella on November 12th, 2010

@JM and all the others,I wholeheartedly agree!

- MiB on November 12th, 2010

“That’s my song” what a sweet little girl and what a great father for writing a song for her and amazing uncle for insisting that it’s shared with the world. Thank you both.

This is by far one of my favorite families to read about, and see pictures (the one with rocker daddy holding his little princesses hand while walking in the mall made me smile for a long time.

You are an amazing father Joel it shows in every pictures of you with your beautiful babies, and in your songs. I wish you and your family all the best things in the world, and hopefully you will not have to miss a birthday but if you do here is something that my husband and I do for our baby since he is in the military and misses a lot of holidays and birthdays.

Our family does something that we call double trouble and fun. We celebrate birthday/holiday just her and I on the correct day and we do something special, like spend a day in our pjs and eat in bed, go somewhere she really wanted to go and stuff like that, that’s the fun part #1. Then we think of something to do to my husband when he gets home, some kind of a joke. For her last birthday she filled his closet full of confetti so when he opened his closed he was covered in them, what made it better it was three am and we didn’t hear him come it, but we woke up to him swearing and laughing at the same time trouble#1. Then when daddy is home he does something special and fun with her just the two of them fun#2. And then the planning begins to get into trouble, and do something silly to me. Last time they hid all of my right shoes from every pair I own and let me tell you that is a lot of shoes to hide. Maybe you can try something like that with your kids, mine loves it and always look forward to special her and daddy trouble time. Plus it make the time pass faster for both of them cause while they are apart they are both thinking about how many different ways can they get mommy.

Sorry for the novel, just really miss him right now and writing this made me smile.

- simi on November 12th, 2010

Rose that is absolutely true. i have noticed that too. the cruises are another couple who can do no right, heidi klum and seal can generally do no wrong.

there are clear double standards on this site and i have never really understood how the decision is made that some celebs (heigl) are “obviously” horrible people who are always sulky and negative, and others are perfect angels who are the ideal family…

lots of double standards here…

- JM on November 12th, 2010

jm – i just think some women don’t see ‘daddy’ as important, so it does not matter if they work all the hours god sends as long its it not the mother…because by their stupid logic thats the same as abusing your children.

Think we know which poster i may be talking about who is shockingly not here, but then again theres no mum to bash is there.

- hayley w on November 12th, 2010

I too am confused by the lack of protests or complaints about this Dad missing important events. I remember when Busy Phillips recently talked about how hard it is to be a working Mom and there were several posters who basically said she shouldn’t complain…she doesn’t need to work, etc. I am having a hard time understanding how or why it is different that this is a man so he gets a free pass? I am genuinely curious about this and wonder if any of those people who said that about Busy would or could explain why they think it is different?

- Lilianne on November 12th, 2010

I have to add that I think that Dads are just as important as Moms. I know several men who are actually more nurturing to their children than their wife is.

- Lilianne on November 12th, 2010

She is such a cute little girl.

- Beautee on November 12th, 2010

Well I’m not one whose every ‘jumped down’ a female celeb’s ‘throat’ for complaining about working but I don’t think there’s any reason Joel has to miss birthdays. He has enough money where I’m sure he could find a way to be there. First words, steps, ect. Those aren’t predictable and many parents have to miss those, but birthdays and holidays? Those are predictable and I see why for the average person who has to keep their job to support their family might have to miss them but for someone who can afford a private jet ride home? Not so much.

I’m sure one way or another he could let whoever is in charge of scheduling the tours know his kids birthdays so he could take a day off to go be with them. I also think it’s a very odd thing to say to a newborn and really at their ages especially when they aren’t in school yet being there for the big predictable things shouldn’t be a problem since they could come with.

- Amanda on November 12th, 2010

I agree with Amanda’s posting. Joel should be able to find a way to make his children’s birthdays a priority.

I find it hard to believe that a celebrity (musician, actor/actress or otherwise) has no say in when they are touring or filming, etc. Not to mention their resources to be able to fly home for a special event….if only for a few hours.

Although these celebs want to work hard and provide for their families, I hope they make family TIME a priority. These celeb kids may grow up with all the material things in life but if they do not have any one on one time with their parents they may grow up resentful of their parents.

Joel & Nicole, do your best balancing career and family. You are not alone! Your family is beautiful- you have been very blessed!

- Sus on November 12th, 2010

When Joel is on tour there are others with him, many of whom probably have children and/or spouses as well. There are probably too many birthdays to schedule around all of them.

- gdfg on November 12th, 2010

Am i the only one who thinks is totally ANNOYING that when they have a fight he calls Nicole’s Dad to fix it. Will that madness continue once they are married also? If so, the marriage is doomed!

- two4one on November 12th, 2010

@gdfg you are right!

Guys and girls, you forget that he is in a band with actually four other people. They can’t just schedule around his wants. Plus, like someone said before, you have to take account the promoters, contracts, venue availabity etc. It’s sad but true.

- gigi on November 12th, 2010

Too sweet. Harlow is one of the most adorable little things I have ever seen.

The thing that stuck out to me in this article involved Joel and Lionel. WHile I think it is a wonderful thing that the two of them have a close relationship,I don’t think that it is a wonderful thing that Joel relies on Lionel to fix his problems with Nicole. Part of having a successful relationship is communication. He and Nicole obviously feel strongly about eachother so he should be able to approach her with his problems. It is not healthy to use a “go-between”. It can only bring problems.

- ELO on November 12th, 2010

two4one- I don’t get it. Their relationship isn’t doomed now because he calls Lionel when gets upset with Nicole, but the moment they get married and he calls Lionel when he gets upset with Nicole, it will be doomed?

- CelebBabyLover on November 13th, 2010

Also, I want to point out that there isn’t any indication that Nicole has any issues with Joel talking to Lionel when she’s mad at him. If she doesn’t mind, I don’t see the problem.

- CelebBabyLover on November 13th, 2010

@gdfg & gigi: Between all the band members they have 4 kids. I doubt that it would be that much of a strain to schedule their tour dates around 4 birthdays. It’s a matter of priorities.

- Rose on November 13th, 2010

Amanda- Actually, as another poster mentioned, Harlow is in pre-school now (and, unfourtnately, as that poster also mentioned, the paps have been hanging around her preschool, just as they were hanging out in front of Violet Affleck’s preschool for awhile, and maybe still are, for that matter.). So she couldn’t go on tour with Joel.

Sparrow could, but I can certainly understand Nicole not wanting to leave Harlow behind while the rest of the family goes on tour! And Sparrow is a bit too young to be away from mommy for such an extended period of time (in otherwords, it probably wouldn’t work for Joel to take just Sparrow on tour).

Anyway, I think tink1217 said it best!

- CelebBabyLover on November 14th, 2010

Each family is different if this is what works for them, then I wish them all the best. They make beautiful babies and by the looks of it love them and each other very much.

For Joel and Lionel relationship I think it’s wonderful. Nicole could just be someone like me that handles sensitive topics much better in person than over the phone. My husband who is in the military has a really good friend that due to injury can not get deployed again, so when ever my husband and I get into it Rick comes over and we talk until I am fine and am able to move on off the topic until my husband gets home and we are able to talk about it face to face. Nicole and Joel could work the same way when he is on the road but she got really lucky and gets to talk to her dad about it.

In high school during the summer I used to work security for some big bands and let me tell for a fact it is impossible to schedule around birthdays. I know people say it’s only 4 days but you are not looking at the big picture if they get to go home then so does everyone else. No band can function that way. And before you point out that only band members could go home to their kid. No band and I mean no band that likes and respects their crew would do that to them. Cause they know the only reason they succeed on the road and make it to another place is cause of their crew.

As for why none of us are yelling and Joel to quite his job and stay at home. Well most of us are not used to the idea of a man staying at home. Please thought I was crazy to let my husband take the first year off work after our baby was born and for me to go to work. But I didn’t see anything wrong with that. But according to some people my actions were worse that murder. Welcome to world and may unfair double standards.

- simi on November 14th, 2010

Anna – I doubt he can schedule his free time to always match his kids’ birthdays but I bet he’ll be able to fly them out to wherever he is in the world at that time. As a touring band, you can’t just take a day off if you have a gig.

- Hea on November 15th, 2010

Rose, more than just the 4 band members go with them on tour. There are managers, sound technicians, etc.

- gdfg on November 15th, 2010

I don’t really see anything wrong with what Joel is doing. From what he is saying (i’m assuming a bit). He calls Lionel when he doesn’t understand why Nicole is mad at him. From this statement, I can guess that 1) He might be on tour when he does that, 2) If Lionel is able to fix it then, the reason Nicole is mad at Joel might barely have anything to do with him.

By the way, my mom’s boyfriend does the same thing when he doesn’t know why she’s mad at him, he calls me.

- gigi on November 15th, 2010

I knew the Richie family when I was a child and Lionel has always been GREAT with kids. It doesn’t surprise me at all that he and Joel get along so well. Lionel is such a great guy and a man who adored his children. He always seemed to excel at fatherhood. So Happy to see Nicole doing so well and in such a seemingly happy healthy relationship. This is one hollywood relationship that might actually stand the test of time.

- Jes on November 15th, 2010

gdfg: I’m fully aware that other people go on tour with them. Saying that the bandmates can’t schedule around their kids birthdays because they would have to schedule around everyone else’s kids’ birthdays is like saying that the boss of a company doesn’t get a two-week vacation unless all the employess do.

That’s not how it works. There’s a hierarchy there and Joel and his other 3 bandmates are at the top. So there’s no excuse for him not insisting that they take 2 days off a year from touring.

But I forgot, I’m taking issue with something that the perfect Madden-Richies do and that’s a huge no-no around here where we’re all expected to act like everything they do is perfect.

- Rose on November 15th, 2010

Rose- Nobody’s saying they’re perfect. We’re just saying that it’s not really fair to judge him for something like this without knowing all the facts. And speaking of facts….They couldn’t take just two days off a year for birthdays. The band members have four kids between them, so they’d actually have to take four days off (it wouldn’t be fair for Joel to get to take time off for his kids’ birthdays but the others not be allowed time off for their kids’ birthdays!).

Anyway, I suggest reading simi’s post if you haven’t already. Considering she’s actually worked with big bands before, it’s probably safe to say she knows what she’s talking about.

- CelebBabyLover on November 16th, 2010