Busy Philipps: Working Motherhood ‘Can Be Tough’

Sara De Boer/Startraks

Busy Philipps may have more in common with you than you think.

The Cougar Town star says balancing work and motherhood — daughter Birdie Leigh turned 2 in August — is something she struggles with just like everyone else.

“It’s not easy, and I think every working mom deals with guilt,” Philipps, 31, told PEOPLE at CAAF’s 17th Annual Dream Halloween Party.

“My hours are hit or miss. Some weeks I get to spend a lot of time with my daughter and some weeks — like the last few weeks — I’ve been working a lot and haven’t been able to spend as much time with her. It’s been tough.”

It helps that the actress is able to bring Birdie to the set, where the toddler has many playmates — including co-star Courteney Cox’s daughter Coco, 6.

“She loves playing with Coco,” Philipps shares. “Coco takes good care of Birdie because she is a little bit older so she helps. She’s a great babysitter.” She adds with a laugh, “It’s a really sweet family-oriented set — even though we are a little raunchy on camera!”

When she’s not in character as Laurie, Philipps clearly relishes the quality time she spends with her little girl, including taking her to ballet class.

“Every day is such a joy. My husband [Marc Silverstein] and I look at each other and say , ‘Can you believe we are so lucky? We have the greatest kid in the world.’ She says the funniest and coolest things.”

– Michelle Ward

Comments

Love their outfits, so cute!! Birdie is a little cutie, and I love how lovely she talks about her daughter

- Nella on November 6th, 2010

Why is it that mothers who dont HAVE to work, do it then whine and cry about missing time with their kids? Its an insult to the moms who HAVE to work and would do ANYTHING to be home with thier kids. If this woman wants to be with her daughter and can, then do it and stop complaining about it!

Nothing replaces a mother. Not a father or a grandparent or babysitter or nanny. She feels guilty for a reason. One day when her daughter is grown, Busy will regret missing the little things that she had every opportunity NOT to miss.

- Mina on November 6th, 2010

There we go again with the sexism on this site. Can’t we just say parenthood? Why is it always about working motherhood?

- gdfg on November 6th, 2010

@ Mina: because she loves her job and does not have the desire to give up everything she enjoys for her child…? Imo she has found a good balance between work and motherhood and she seems very happy. If she were a stay-at-home-mom she would probably complain about not doing anything else but take care of her daughter.
To each their own I would say…

Btw, Busy looks pregnant in that picture! Maybe it’s just a bad angle, but still… I would love to see little Birdie get a sibling!

- Sophie on November 6th, 2010

I agree with Mina, she does not have to work, she can afford to stay home, what about the mums that have no choice? She wants the fame stop whinging! Oh and flame me all you want, its my opinion!

- Emmy on November 6th, 2010

I agree that working motherhood is very hard, I’m sure (I don’t have kids yet). I think it’s hard to be a mother, whether you work or not, but it is nice to see someone talking about how hard it is to work and raise children. And Mina, I disagree with your statement about a grandparent or father. Of course a father can’t replace a mother, they have different roles, but a man can be just as good a parent as a mother. I know SAHDs who are amazing parents.

Is it just me, or does she look pregnant in that picture?

- Erika on November 6th, 2010

People are all different. Even if they have choices, we should respect their choice to work or not to work. Mothers should support each other and not hate on other mothers, not matter what their work status.
PS I am a SAHM.

- Gigi on November 6th, 2010

Why do people always assume that actors don’t have to work to make a living? Yes, there are some superstars who could probably retire and live comfortably for the rest of their lives, but that doesn’t mean every actor can. Busy may be richer than the average person, but that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to work to pay the bills.

- missy on November 6th, 2010

Technically-everyone has to work. When the amount of income you make goes up (esp. in the range of “rich”)-the cost of living also goes up. The average cost of living in comparison to the “rich” income that a lot of rockstars/actors make would be 100x more than anyone needs, but if your cost of living goes up-you have to constant keep up your expenses and work/make more money if you have a multi-million dollar house with at least $1 million in property tax among other expenses….it’s going to add up.

And just because someone has a nanny-it may be easier to go to work/do other things, but it doesn’t mean the parent doesn’t miss their child any less. They are away from their child + someone else is watching them.

- Mia on November 6th, 2010

I’m sorry, but I am so freaking sick of Mina and her ridiculous negativity!! For a start, you sound very stupid saying that this woman doesn’t HAVE to work, how exactly do you know every detail of her bank balance and mortgages, bills etc? Does putting ‘Actor’ on your resume automatically eliminate expenses and cause a money influx??

Secondly, Busy Philips did not at any point whine and complain about her situation. She simply said its hard and she feels guilt occasionally. How about you grow up and learn to comprehrend what you read. You are always allowed your own opinion, but in this case you are whinging about nothing, literally.

- steph on November 6th, 2010

I just wanted to add that while Busy might not need to work now because her family might have enough money now who is to say in that about 5 years she won’t need the extra income? (her husband writes but that is the kind of job that is probably not secure) And unfortunately in her profession, you can’t just take off 5 years and then expect to bounce right back (heck probably in many professions!) So instead of quitting and having to try to find a job later, she is taking the jobs now AND being a mother and while it might be hard at times, she manages. It’s silly to say she doesn’t have to work when you have no idea what her finances and life is like!

To make this more relevant to the post, such a cute photo!

- Laura on November 6th, 2010

Thank you, Steph. We don’t know any actor’s life so we cannot say whether or not they should work. We wouldn’t say that about other people in other professions doing their life’s calling. Mina needs to get over herself.

- Keis on November 6th, 2010

Steph, you know Mina had her opinion, you disagree with her, fine, no need to abuse her! Why does everyone have to get bitchy and nasty when someone has a different opinion to them.

Yes maybe Busy also does need to work to pay the bills, i have no doubt that is the case, but lets face it the money she would be making would be great! Of course she would miss her daughter, but all i was saying is that she does have it better than most mums who have to go out to work and would probably never make what this women makes in a month in a year, let alone maybe 2. She also gets to take her daughter to work, how many mothers can say they can do that.

So yes she misses her daughter, but i do not feel too sorry for her, she is after all doing better than most mums. We are allowed to say that, you are allowed to have your opinion, leave it at that! No need to resort to being children! Why can’t people have a discussion without resorting to calling eachother names these days? If you were to meet up with a group of friends and your friends disagreed with you, would you resort to childish calling names behaviour? no so do not do it here.

- Emmy on November 6th, 2010

so cute, Busy makes a great Tinkerbell!

- Romy on November 6th, 2010

All of us have a right to complain whether we work or not, stop tearing each other down, please! Motherhood is hard, we all struggle with finding a balance between working or doing something we love and raising our kids, no matter how much money we make. Once you have kids that doesn’t mean your life and personal goals or hobbies have to stop, that’s not healthy either. We all feel the guilt, and most of that is probably because so many other negative women out there judge us!!!

Busy seems so down to earth and she’s a natural beauty, so is her daughter and they look cute here:)

- jessicad on November 6th, 2010

She doesnt have to work. I’m a SAHM and my hubby makes a fraction of what she does but you know what, we make it work. We budget! We use coupons, leave out unecessary luxury expenses, etc. Her cost of living is so high because she probably has a huge house which comes with a lot of bills for heat, water, electric, etc. How about she downgrade. Its only the 3 of them! So in the end her daughter will have a nice fancy home with lots of toys and the latest fashions to show off to her friends…but nothing replaces time lost.

- Mina on November 6th, 2010

Emmy, show me where Busy asked you or anyone else to for sorry for her. She is sharing her experience as a mother. Nothing more, nothing less.

- Anonymous on November 6th, 2010

Emmy, I did not abuse anyone, nor did I resort to being a child as you put it. I simply pointed out the fact that Mina constantly posts something negative, even when, particularly in this case, it is uncalled for. I am not ‘disagreeing’ with Mina’s opinion because she wasn’t putting forth one. She just took an opportunity to yet again bash a celebrity on a celebrity website with no good reason. I state again, Busy Philipps did not complain about her situation therefore Mina had no right to write rubbish about working mothers complaining. I also repeat that Mina does not know Busy Philipps’ and her husband’s personal financial situation, so again has no right to state as if it is fact that Busy does not need to work.

Perhaps I was a bit harsh, but frankly I do not understand why a person who clearly has negative feelings towards ‘celebrities’ would go on a celebrity website and constantly make negative comments. This is not the first time I have read such comments from this poster, and in an article that was otherwise positive, it gets frustrating to only ever read her usually uncalled for comments.

- steph on November 6th, 2010

Emmy, every post Mina writes is mean spirited and nasty. That is why Steph felt the need to attack her. Mina is a negative person and seems to get off on bitching about famous people.

- meghan on November 6th, 2010

omg why do ppl here act so nasty and mean, like cheer up. Shes looks a great mom to her daughter, both are beautiful and shes a great actress. love cougar town and its a very funny show, written very well. They both make cute fairies

- lilly on November 7th, 2010

I will say positive things when I see fit, and negative things when I see fit…its called having an opinion ladies so get over it.

And Busy is complaining. She is saying she feels guilty for her leaving her child. She doesnt have to! Some mothers HAVE to, yet would love to be home watching their childrens milestones, etc…

I’m not saying a mom has to be there ALL the time. A social night out with adults is wonderful. But when you work hours upon hours upon hours, year after year after year….you are going to miss things that you will never get back. You cant deny that, its the truth!

- Mina on November 7th, 2010

steph- I agree with you whole-heartedly! But that being said, I think we need to just starting ignoring Mina. By responding to her and showing that we are upset at her posts, we’re just giving her exactly what she wants!

- CelebBabyLover on November 7th, 2010

I also want to say that I love their costumes! Tinkerbell and Tinkerbell Jr.!

- CelebBabyLover on November 7th, 2010

Mina, do you know how much her husband makes? How can you say she doesn’t need to work if you don’t know how much either of them makes? You don’t know where they live, what their expenses are, or anything else. So, your argument really doesn’t hold any water (especially since you also made it a gender issue)

Secondly, she wasn’t complaining about anything. She was sharing her experience, which is an experience that a lot of women have. She even acknowledged that she was lucky because she can bring Birdie to work.

Women are allowed to have careers and hobbies. It’s unhealthy to have nothing for yourself. She’s also teaching her daughter an important lesson about being independent and working for what she has.

- Sarah K. on November 7th, 2010

mina how do you know where she lives and how big her house is, let alone how much she pays for it? hasn’t your mother taught you that if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. busy wasn’t complaining, she was asked how she is handling work and her very beautiful daughter. so she answer truthfully and i for one like that about her. and if you have read anything about busy you would know that she works really hard at not spoiling her daughter, and living a normal life.

emmy a lot of women these day can take their kids to work with them. more and more companies have in house daycares for their employees. i personally have worked for companies with daycares and can tell you that each of those companies employed over 230,000 people. so to answer your question millions of people get to take their kids to work with them and see them as often as they want to and play with them. so actors are not the only ones.

and about the whole stay at home mom and no one can replace a mother thing, that is such a slap in the face to ever single dad out there, child that has lost a mother, and gay couples. it wrong and uncalled for. yes mothers are important, but from someone that grew up with a mother that truly hated me, and saw me as nothing more that a thing to take her anger out on, while my brothers were treated like gold, they would get everything they wanted, more toys then needed, new clothes, and were always fed, to me who wasn’t even allowed a bed, let alone food every day, having a mother is not always a good thing.

i would have had a better life had i been left with my father, or given to someone else. so before everyone gets on me, think before you speak, only cause you care for your child not every women does. only cause you love your child does not mean that a father could not love that child just as much and bring it up right alone, two men can make an amazing loving couple and bring up kids in a way that they are not missing anything, or want for anything and be some of the best socially adjusted kids in the world i have seen it first hand.

so now that i have written a novel rather then a post i will stop but mina if you have nothing good to say and want someone to think the world of you cause you are mom wake up and see the world. a lot us are moms and do it every day without needing some one to tell us what a good job we are doing.

- simi on November 7th, 2010

Mina, STFU and get a life. If you think a working mother is only excusable in order to basically stave off homelessness, then I don’t understand why on earth you choose to peruse this site, since you obviously won’t find the type of mothers you approve of here in your infinite wisdom – really, it just looks like you’re specifically looking for outlets to put other women down and unload your negativity on everyone.

- Gabby on November 7th, 2010

@ Mina – indeed, Busy doesn’t HAVE to work. But did it cross your mind, even for a second, that maybe she WANTED to work? To keep sane, for instance? Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t for every woman. Many women work because they have to, but also because it makes them feel like they’re not just moms and I think that’s important to be able to define yourself not just as a mother, but also as a woman.

- Allie-Rose on November 7th, 2010

I don’t know whether Busy needs to work or not. But for many women their profession is a huge part of their personal identity. Their professional succes is something they’ve worked hard to achieve. So telling them to give it up or to shut up is just not fair. I did not go back to work after having a baby – and I do feel like a huge part of who I am is missing. But in my case the benefits of staying home outweigh the drawbacks. Still, it’s not an easy decision.

- martina on November 7th, 2010

To Anonoymous, no Busy did not say she wanted someone to feel sorry for her, just me saying that i do not, but like i said the time she is missing with her daughter i am sure plays on her mind, like it does on most of us, but at the end of the day we all have to do what is best for us all.

To steph, thanks for taking the time to answer me, i was not aware that Mina has been negative all the time.

Meghan ok thanks

- Emmy on November 7th, 2010

Mina, you are ridiculous. I know plenty of working mom’s who have managed to balance their life. Their children see plenty of them–and also have family, friends and caregivers who love them and teach them important life lessons.

My husband would make a far better SAHD than I would a SAHM. He is more patient, a better housekeeper, and more compassionate than I and he doesn’t (yet) have a career he loves. I do. And I REFUSE to teach my children that you can only achieve career goals when you are childless. I value my children being active participants in the world and I WILL model that for them. Yes, sometimes like Busy I will feel guilty (what mother doesn’t.) And I am happy that she is willing to admit this.

- Tarat3232 on November 7th, 2010

we should also remember that the cost of living where Busy and her family lives is much higher than other parts of the country. I know just moving across my state my cost of living went down. Significantly!! So in order to be near her job she has a higher cost of living in general. I doubt Busy lives in a huge mansion…look at Tori and Dean…they live in a normal sized home (even for where I love it’s a pretty normal sized home)..but I a sure it probably cost twice what mine did because of where they live. It’s crazy but its true!!! And one last thing…a mother who is happy and healthy makes for a better parent…if continuing her career makes her happy and fulfilled as a person…she will no doubt most likely be a better parent in the long run. Women can have the best of both if they can balance it. No reason not to try!!

Busy is a beautiful person and woman, she makes a great Tinkerbell!!! Birdie is adorable!

- tink1217 on November 7th, 2010

“Why is it that mothers who dont HAVE to work, do it then whine and cry about missing time with their kids? Its an insult to the moms who HAVE to work and would do ANYTHING to be home with thier kids. If this woman wants to be with her daughter and can, then do it and stop complaining about it!”

What makes you think she doesn’t have to work? Just because her salary might be higher than most of us non-famous people, that doesn’t mean that she should make the decision to be a full-time mum for the simple reason that she can afford it.

All the women in my family and my friends that have kids work because they want to. Even though they miss their kids they still like that they are making their own money and not just live of their husbands salary.

And don’t forget that a famous person might not have the pressure of not having enough money but they do have a lot of pressure of being replaced quicker by another actress in the film industry. And if they want to keep working in this industry they have to make the choice of becoming a working mum.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

- kim on November 7th, 2010

Toooo cute!

- D on November 7th, 2010

Maybe what she finds so hard is how so many other women find it perfectly acceptable to criticise her for daring to want a career and be a parent. Is this how we raise our own daughters? To think they have to choose one or the other?

- Jennifer on November 7th, 2010

Maybe she WANTS to work. I’m sure she does find it tough not to be with her daughter all the time, but she’d probably find it tough not to work either. It sounds like she does spend a lot of time with her daughter though.

- gdfg on November 7th, 2010

mina- honestly i think you have some against working mothers i truly do, maybe you’re jealous deep down, its the only reason i come up with that doesn’t make you a bitter betty.

women fought for yeas for the right to work, vote and its not men oppressing us its other mums like you mina with these comments.

open your mind a little mina, i am sure we could cope with my husbands wages but we should we just ‘cope’ when we could have a nice life with the money i make, and more important i love my job yeah i get tired , yeah i get stressed out sometime but its worth it, i get to help other people become mothers its amazing and i get to share that with my own children as well as showing what true hard work is and the rewards it can bring.

if you want to stay at home fine, but how dare you judge others when you have no idea about their lives. being a mother is tough and people like you make it harder.

- hayley w on November 7th, 2010

There are reasons to work other then financial stability. Work can enrich your life and make you a more fufilled person and, in turn, a better parent.

- meghan on November 7th, 2010

I believe Mina listens to way too much Dr. Laura…

Busy is a great actress with an adorable little girl! It does say in the article that Birdie joins her on the set, so it’s not like she does not see her for 10+ hours a day.

- cris on November 7th, 2010

Mina,lol really?
You are on a CELEBRITY MOTHER website. If you do not approve of the lifestyles that these women have chosen, why are you even on this site? LOL

- jordyn on November 7th, 2010

What a strange way to look at working. Is it just about the money? Ok, if I am really just working for the money, when stay at home and leave it all behind is an easy decision. But I think for most woman, no matter what their profession is, working is also about self-respect, social contacts and generally about being taken for serious as a member of society. And what a strange idea to stay home automatically if I do not need the money. This is not a subway train you may go on and off as you like.

In the economic situation as it is, if you leave your job behind, no matter what your job is,there are ten other people waiting in a line to take your place. So, in many cases, if you leave your career behind, you leave it behind forever…….you can’t return just like that if you like to. Especially if you are an actress and Hollywood is all about being young, etc. She simply has no other choice……

Neither have I……I am planning to have my first child next year and I run my own small law firm. So if I would stop working, I would have to begin at point zero again the day I return…….so I will be a working mum. I have no problem at all if a woman decides to stay home with her child. Every woman and every family have to make the decision which is right for them.

And what I really dislike about this discussion here is the idea “only a mother can do that” or “nothing can replace a mother.” What a nonsense. It is not only insulting to everyone taking care of children. No matter if they are family members, teachers, people working in day care facilities etc. Everyone with a good heart and the patience is qualified to raise and educate a child.

For example my aunt died at a young age and left my cousin behind. She was brought up equally by her father and by my other aunt ( an unmarried woman with no kids of her own ) She is now a clever, beautiful young woman in college……so how can anyone say that my aunt and her father haven’t done a great job? This is of course an extreme situation, hopefully most people will never be in.

But what is the consequence of “nothing can replace a mother” in everyday life? That no one can help you. That you have to do everything on your own, with no help from no one. No matter if you are a working mum or not, you need help from time to time.

- starlight on November 7th, 2010

I agree with CelebBabyLover… time to ignore Mina because she clearly wants to get a rise out of people. Yes, you can have a different opinion and yes, that’s allowed. But when almost every opinion is mean-spirited and ugly, then I can’t help but think that you’re simply trying to start trouble.

Simi- I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. Just thinking about your mother makes my blood boil and I don’t get angry easily. To have survived that kind of hatred day after day when you were only a child? That makes you a stronger person than I’ll ever be and I certainly draw inspiration from your life story and your strength.

Birdie is such a cutie and I can just picture her and Coco playing together on set. I’m sure Busy is grateful for the fact that she can see her throughout the day!

- Anonymous on November 7th, 2010

Everyone keeps saying “Maybe she wants to work”.
Well, once you choose to have a child, especially in those first 4 years, it aint really about you! It’s about your child.
And, for the record, I think it’s incredibly sad that some women work to “keep their sanity”. Does being with your kids make you crazy?
To me-that is totally crazy.

- Allison on November 7th, 2010

I don’t have kids yet, but I have to say, when people say that stay at home moms are better than working moms. My mother was a working mother (she still works but has no kids at home anymore). I never grasped the argument that stay at home moms work harder- nobody worked harder than my mother. And when people say that kids of working mothers miss out, it blows my mind- I never missed out on ANYTHING because my mom worked. I truly could not have had a better childhood.

When I was younger, my mother worked part time and my dad worked nights. We lived near both sets of grandparents. My mom started working full time once we were all in school, but was home often when we were little. Our family lives in a very expensive part of the country and 1 income households are not as common as they are in other places. I was never in daycare and always with a parent or grandparent. My mother was fortunate enough to be able to make her own schedule and make it pretty flexible and was there for everything. Every year she volunteered to be class parent for all of her children. She lead girl scout troops and taught Sunday school to us. She was at every sporting event, and if we took a class or something that parents didn’t stay for, she always arrived 15 minutes before pick up to watch us. The house was always clean and she made homemade meals every single night. I had one or two friends with stay at home moms and neither of their mothers did nearly as much as mine. In fact, their mothers marveled over how much my mother did and were shocked to learn she worked on top of all of that! She was truly the best mom ever! My mother worked harder than anyone else I know and it was because of her job that we could afford such luxuries as to go on vacations which created many memories and bonding. I never felt as though I didn’t see enough of my mother as she was always able to be there for us, even if she did work. If she had stayed home with us all the time, I don’t think it would have instilled such a strong work ethic in all of us and I don’t think I could have possibly had a better childhood even if she had stayed home. When I have children, I don’t know what I will do, but I think whether I stay home or work, there is still the potential to be an amazing mother and I don’t think stay at home mothers or working mothers are better than each other. It depends on the individual. However, I can tell Mina and those who agree with her, that I didn’t miss out and neither did she. My mother is the best mother I know and it upsets me very much when people judge working others.

I apologize for the ‘world’s best mom’ essay but the truth is, working mothers are just as committed to their children, or at least mine was.

- Erika on November 7th, 2010

This debate is ridiculous, SAHM or working mom, we all have to make sacrifices. Do whatever suits you, and stop criticizing each other.

- Sara on November 7th, 2010

I think being a STHM is driving Mina crazy. I mean she wouldn’t have to make such nasty comments if she had other outlets. Maybe you need to get out of the house and do something else. Fankly you come off as a total B****. I am all about people having an opinion but if it makes people think you’re a nasty human being, I say change that.

- Kellie on November 7th, 2010

She doesn’t have to work. She must not want to be with her kid all the time.

- Anonymous on November 7th, 2010

Anonymous and CelebBabyLover,

I don’t support or agree with Mina’s comments, but I don’t think she is actually a troll, just trying to get a reaction. I think she actually believes what she’s saying is true and correct.

One reason not to ignore the kinds of comments she posts is look at all the intelligent and insightful comments that came in disputing her argument. You may not change Mina’s way of thinking, but you may have definitely affected some other readers out there, changed their way of thinking or shed some light on an issue they had only thought of from their own narrow perspective.

I love that there are a wide range of commentors on this site and viewpoints that make me think! I like to have more to ponder than just, “Awww! How cute!”

- Jacqui on November 7th, 2010

None of you know what she needs or does not need to do it is extremely rude to judge someones decisions, you do not know her. Yes her husband works but writers do not always have a steady income. Projects come and go much like acting.

- t on November 7th, 2010

I don’t agree with Mina’s negativity on almost every single post, BUT I don’t attack her and call her names, tell her to “STFU”, amoung other things. She can express her opinion as can all of us…..IGNORE IT AND IGNORE HER!

- Jill on November 7th, 2010

Simi, i know that alot of women take their kids to work with them, but there still is alot of women who can not.

Also i know that alot of you said that Mina, just comes on here and says nasty and mean things, but i have not seen her write one nasty comment to anyone here, yet she has been insulted non stop, seriously we are grown women here, if she has seriously come on here and has said mean and nasty things, i am sure you can let her know you do not like her attitude without resorting to the same behaviour you are accusing her of.

I am aware that some of you have done that in a civil way.

- Emmy on November 7th, 2010

Emmy you are correct there are still way to many mothers who do not have the option to take their babies to work with them, and it make me sad, cause I do believe that every women should have that option. Just think how much better the world would be if we could find a way to support families and create a great, safe working environment for the parents. While giving them what they want the most, the ability to spend time during the day with their kids. How many people would go back to work sooner, how many more would stay with the same companies cause they enjoyed their job and care that was provided for their children. I just think it’s the only way to create a better future for our daughters if we fight for those right now.

Anonymous thank you for your kind words the mean a lot to me. You have the same strength in you that lives in me. I believe that life is a choice, either you let it get you down and you never get back up, or you fight, you fight with everything in you, till your last breath and never give up regardless of what is getting thrown your way. I made a choice as a child to make it and not to let her hate infect me. I swore to myself to get out some day and have a better life, and if i was ever lucky enough to have a child of my own, I swore that my kid was going to know what unconditional love and support felt like. After too many years of fight I made it, and now have a beautiful little baby of my own, that may not have all the latest toys, who goes to work with me, but at the end of the day my baby know that she is the most important person in my life, that she will always be loved, and care for not matter what.

When I look at Busy and her baby I see the same strength that dives me. The one where you would do anything for your child. And it’s beautiful. Regardless of what you think of her, and her taking her baby to work with her, can’t you just be happy that she is mother loving and taking care of her child, rather then doing what my mother did to me?

- Simi on November 7th, 2010

Well said Allison! And thanx Emmy for the support.

- Mina on November 7th, 2010

Simi, yes i agree with you.

Mina, no problem

- Emmy on November 8th, 2010

“Emmy you are correct there are still way to many mothers who do not have the option to take their babies to work with them, and it make me sad, cause I do believe that every women should have that option.”

So you think mothers should be able to take their kids to work, but not fathers? Again, I’m so sick of the sexism on this site!

- gdfg on November 8th, 2010

Sorry, Allison, but I believe parents should be able to have interests outside of their child, even during those first four years! And work outside the home is very often an interest of one or both parents. I feel that as long as the children are taken care of, raised right, and as long as the parents spend quality time with the kids, then there’s nothing wrong with having outside interests. Of course we should prioritize our children, but we don’t have to spend every waking moment with them.

- gdfg on November 8th, 2010

Allsion, that reminds me of when Britney Spears was going out all the time with Paris Hilton…she was snapped quite frequently by paparazzi and everyone jumped on her saying she should be with her baby and “it isnt all about Britney anymore or what she wants, its about her baby.” She was called selfish for doing what she wanted. Then the same people are quick to turn around and say working mothers deserve to work and have a every right and its good for them and the kids, and that the time away from the kids keeps them sane, gives them a break or whatever excuse they see fit etc..

- Mina on November 8th, 2010

I was the kind of kid that spend 8 hours (or more sometimes) in daycare since turn 2 years old, before that I spend most of my time with my grandparents, because both of my parents work all day. And you know? I didn’t miss a thing, I had a perfect childhood. In all my important memories both of my parents were there for me. It doesn’t matter who I spend most of my time, because I know that my parents raise me, teach me and love me. It may not work for everyone, but it worked for us and for a lot of people, while for others having stay at home parent was the right decision. Don’t bash the other option just because it didn’t or doesn’t work for you.

- marina on November 8th, 2010

Working and club-hopping constantly with your breasts hanging out and without your panties on are two very different things. Britney was obviously having other problems then clubbing. That is why people were carrying on. Working or going out for the night for adult interactions are something else. Using an extreme like Britney as your example is a ridiculous argument. Name me someone who grew up and has been impacted negatively by their mother working, since you seem to be an expert on the importance of SAHM.

- meghan on November 8th, 2010

I see so many people comparing their own childhood experiences to these people, and how they turned out so well…but every child is different. I want to share my experience.

My mom worked nights and the only babysitter she could get was my teenaged male cousin. To make a long story short, I was a chronic bedwetter. It was HUMILIATING waking in the middle of the night to ask him to change my sheets. I wanted and needed my mother in those moments. He was wonderful about it, but thats because he was older and understanding, where I was just a child. Some nights I layed in my own urine all night to save me the humiliation. Some nights I just sat up and stayed awake crying for my mother.

My son is the total opposite. He is open, honest, not shy, outgoing, and really feels little if no shame. Therefore, I would feel comfortable leaving him in an embarassing situation if he was fine with it (which he is). Bottom line…find out what is best for your CHILD and NOT FOR YOU.

I’m not trying to be a bytch. I am being realistic. Some people might not understand just how much they are missing.

- Mina on November 8th, 2010

meghan….it doesnt matter what is being done. Britney (by going out) was doing something that made her feel good about herself. Working moms are doing something that makes them feel good about themselves. A kid doesnt KNOW that mom is going out to the bar…you dont tell them! I go out once a month with my husband, leave our son with a sitter, we get drunk, and have raunchy sex…do I tell my son that? NO!

Point is, mom isnt around reguardless of the reason!

- Mina on November 8th, 2010

Britney was in a self-destructive path, I don’t think she feel fine with herself, she ended with a meltdown and lock up in a hospital for days. Seriously the aren’t comparable things.

- marina on November 8th, 2010

Mina, working and being in the throes of a nervous breakdown are not even close to being comparable.

- meghan on November 8th, 2010

I’m not talking about the REASON for not being there. A child as young as Birdie doesnt understand adult concepts such as “partying” or “working” (unless she is mature for her age). In their eyes “mommy isnt here” reguardless of reason. Both women were/are doing things that makes/made them feel good. But in a childs eyes what they see is, MOMMY ISNT HERE…whether they are working or partying. That is the point I am trying to make.

- Mina on November 8th, 2010

I get the point and agree that to the child the mother just isn’t there no matter what she is or is not doing. OK, just that for most children the mother can’t be there 24/7 anyway whether she works or not. That’s life. The children who don’t understand why mommy isn’t there, will eventually understand, if they don’t well there is therapy

It sounds like a woman can almost not go to the bathroom after she has a child (never mind a job) because the child won’t understand that mommy is not there geez I also think the “mommy is not here” is something most humans experience and grow to understand and actually recover from.

- loren on November 8th, 2010

Bottom line: We ALL have our opinions. We are all allowed to state them. But why can we not be mature and respectful, and state them in such a way? So many of you have to come on here and be so down right hateful to these people you do not know anything about. Just sad. I’d like to get a hold of some details of your life, post them on the internet, and let the cold, hateful people of the world tear you apart like you do here. Bet it wouldn’t feel too great.

- Brookie on November 8th, 2010

So if a mother works it’s “mommy isn’t there” but dad’s gone all day and it’s fine? Wouldn’t a child feel the same abandonment when daddy leaves? Or is that ok because that’s just the way it’s always been in history? I don’t understand why it’s fine for Daddy not to be present for eight or more hours a day, but if Mommy does it she’s neglectful and her priorities are skewed. The bottom line is, in this day in age often both parents go to work. Their kids get over it.

- meghan on November 8th, 2010

Um…. All I can say to all of you that are bashing working mom’s and or “Hollywood” moms you really can’t and shouldn’t judge. I work with the very people a lot of you are bashing. I’ve been in this business for more years I care to admit. Some could retire tomorrow and be stay at home mom and dad’s while a big majority can’t! Like everyone they have bills, a well know actress for instance is still paying off her student loans and some dumb credit mistakes she made while in college. She grew up with nothing, and wants to make sure her kid can go to college and not deal with what she has to.

People like Mina only see this so called rich celebrity mom who works too much and her kid is suffering for it. Well I’m going to say once and for all then I’m done with this site, Celebrities are people too! they have the same bills to pay, they made the same dumb credit mistakes some make, they have agents, managers, lawyers, insurance, security from the stalkers (more then you realize) and a host of other people and things to pay. They do this so you can go see their new movie or TV show or buy their album and then turn around and talk about how much you hate them on sites like this. They know they have a fan base and let me tell you they appreciate it and don’t want to let any of you down, sometimes finding that balance is hard, no matter if it’s an actor or a teacher feeling dedicated to her kids in class.

I come from a mother who worked and I’m okay for the most part and my mother flat out told me once, she tried to be a stay at home mom but she lost herself and she wasn’t fulfilling a part of her that was once important. thus making in her mind not being the kind of mom she wanted to be for me and my sister. I’m happy she went back to work, she was a different better mommy. she and my father worked hard and we were afforded a great High School and College because of it. I never wanted for anything, and neither do my kids while I and my husband work.

Getting of my high horse now, but I leave you haters with this, if you hate them so much, why come on this site? why go to their movies? why watch their shows or buy their albums? Also take a class in Journalism, things are taken out of context everyday, they sometimes don’t print the questions asked and they print what was said not disclosing why that person said what they said. It’s sensationalized to get reactions from you guys and i hate to say people fall for it hook line and sinker. 98.99% of what you read and see in interviews have been edited. editing is powerful so powerful i can go edit Gone with the wind to have a completely different ending if I wanted to and did in film school!

- Showbizmom on November 8th, 2010

Is she pregnant?

- Terri on November 8th, 2010

Showbizmom…its called people having a difference of opinion…RELAX. Nothing I say is going to change anyone’s mind just as nothing you all say is going to change my mind but we can all agree to disagree. What I see is what you dont and thats fine…its just a debate.

I mentioned that the kids should come first and the mom should ask the kid what they want rather blindly do what they want…or even compromise. Having a child IS a sacrifice…its no longer about you. You can have breaks, but working hour after hour after hour day after day after day week after week after week month after month year after year…..you cannot deny that you are going to miss things in your childs life that you cant get back…some important things too. If working moms and their children can live with that, then GOOD. Some dont cope well. But so many working moms are quick to jump on the womens lib crap and shout from the rooftops that its all about what THEY want (they worked hard for it and blah blah blah). I just think that once in a while a working mom should ask their kid what THEY want considering they never asked to be born and brought into the world in the first place. If you make the CHOICE to become a mom, then act like one!

- Mina on November 8th, 2010

Mina, well said. You can be replaced at your job but you can never be replaced as your child’s mother.

- Tessa on November 9th, 2010

What I always ask myself is, are these “my child first” and “it’s not about me” Mums aware of the fact that no one will thank them for their heroism?

Their children will sooner or later live lifes of their own. They will go to school, to college, have an own family etc., just like every child will and that’s how things should be.
And what will these mothers, who gave up everything, do when their children start to be independent, and may it only that they start elementary school and are out of the house for a few hours?

They will find out that they have no working life and that for the major part will never have it again or at least not in the position they would be qualified for. Their jobs are not waiting for them, someone else had taken their place.
They will find out that they have no friends left.
Who will be such a hero to wait for years till mummy is available for a few hours just to drink a cup of coffee? People maybe call back ten times, but not a hundred times…..
Many, many woman will find out that they no longer have a husband or partner. I don’t think many men will be happy with being of no priority, because the child always comes first. It’s hard, but it is a fact. In my professional life as a lawyer I see a lot of divorces and many, many people are couples with young children.

And what will be the end of this story?
A sad, disappointed, frustrated mother. And no one can tell me that this is good for a child.

Everybody must find a personal balance between different parts of life.
This may be work, or part-time work ( as my own mother did ) or being at home.
But it is also about being a person of your own despite the fact that you are a mother.
You are still a wife, daughter, sister, friend and maybe a working person.
To my mind everything else will end in a disaster.

- starlight on November 9th, 2010

gdfg if you read my first post you will see that i believe that everyone should have the same right when it comes to children and bring them to work. also that i do not believe that every child needs a mother children like me are better of without one. what you read was my direct reply to Emmy and her feelings that there are still to many mother out there that can not take their kids to work like i can. so before you accuse someone of being a sexest pig please make sure you know how they truly feel about a matter, it is the only respectful way to do go about it. so for the record i believe that every, shall we use the word person not better parent should have the right to childcare at their work place regardless of job and what gender they are. as long as child is well taken care of and loved and not being hurt or abused that it doesn’t matter if they go to work with their kids or not, or if they are a stay a home parent.

there gdfg does that work better for you?

Mina it’s time for you to see someone professionally if you still have that many feeling regarding your childhood, and talk about your anger rather then taking it out on a web site. i have gone through many years of therapy and it help and you and your child and partner will be better off with a calm centered mother rather them someone that is clearly so angry that they are taking it out or people they don’t know. just a thought

- Simi on November 9th, 2010

@starlight this is from the book the “feminine mistake” published in 2007

“Like her mother, Bennetts raised two children while earning a living; She and millions of other working women provide ample proof that there are many different ways to have kids, maintain a challenging career, and have a richly rewarding life as a result. And yet women are constantly told that it’s simply too difficult to balance work and family. Not only is this untrue, Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood also fail to consider the dangers of dependency and the difficulty of reentering the workforce after opting out. When women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their breadwinner husbands. Bennetts’ own family learned this lesson the hard way: Her grandmother suffered a lifetime of financial problems after her husband left her, and Bennetts’ mother ended up as the family’s primary breadwinner. But women who stop working sacrifice far more than financial security. Bennetts’ painstaking research documents the steep toll when women forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency. It’s time, she says, to get the message across—combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it’s eminently doable. “You never know what you can achieve until you try,” Bennetts says. In riveting interviews with women from a wide range of backgrounds, The Feminine Mistake explores both the long-term risks of economic dependency and the surprising rewards of work. These dramatic stories—some shocking and heartbreaking, others triumphant—will inspire women to embrace the challenge of figuring out who they are and what they want to do with their lives in addition to raising children, and benefiting from the joyously complex lives they deserve. “

- loren on November 9th, 2010

@loren
I don’t know this book, but this describes precisely what I see every day in my job.

And I think it is important to emphazise the risks of having only one income. If only the father works and he looses his job, which can happen to everyone these days, when the family is in serious trouble.

As I said before I do not believe that every mother must work, but everyone must make a reasonable decision. And all these aspects written in the quote from this book should be considered.

And to my mind a responsible and mature decision about how to raise a child must take into account what all family members need, you as a mother, the child, your husband etc. A child is of course a very important family member, but it is not the only one important. All others have needs and wishes too.

- starlight on November 10th, 2010

Thank you Simi for clarifying! I just get tired of people saying that MOTHERS deserve this or should do that, but yet fathers are not held to the same standards.

“so before you accuse someone of being a sexest pig please make sure you know how they truly feel about a matter, it is the only respectful way to do go about it.”

And yes, many of the comments on this site ARE sexist. When someone writes a sexist comment, I assume it IS his/her true feelings, and I will call that person out on it!

- gdfg on November 15th, 2010