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10/07/2010 at 12:00 PM ET

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mary on

In regards to the story “Mothers ‘harder on daughters than sons’, poll suggests” I have to agree.

I have a soon to be 18 year old daughter along with a 15 and 9 year olds sons, and a 6 year old daughter. My expectations on her are high. And I have recently been trying not to be as hard on her and show my sons that they now must learn how to do their wash and do dishes and vacuum as well. I think perhaps we are harder on the girls because those responsibilities are almost always on the females. And think about it, if a female gets pregnant the responsibilities almost always falls on her. So either subconsciously I am teaching her those responsibilities or I am subconsciously showing her that you are not ready so don’t go there.

And it has been proven that girls must work harder to be heard and understood and to be taken seriously in a man’s job you must pull your weight. She wants to be a firefighter. Well than you not only have to pull your own weight without complaining but prove you can take the demands of others.

In the end I don’t want a child who is an airhead. I want a child who is confident, secure and happy. She has a lot of friends who are 4.0’s she is only 3.0 but has street smarts. Her girlfriends scare the hell out of me they are goofy, dumb, (not book dumb, life dumb) and are airheads. I don’t want my daughters to be that way. I would rather have her the way she is than her getting all A’s and act stupid outside of school. I still feel guilty for being hard on her, I am trying to ease up on that.

I guess after reading this article I should speak to her and ask her how she feels about the way she is being raised. Will the mom guilt ever go away?

Jacqui on

Mary, sounds like you’re doing a good job. Be confident in your parenting – you obviously care a lot and are thoughtful and sensitive. My two cents: don’t ask your kids how they feel about how they are being raised. Tune in and stay flexible, sensitive and aware, but don’t come right out and ask. They need you to be confident and secure and opening up that question could show too much weakness and fear. That is not to say parents can never be vulnerable, but asking how they want to be parented…. The fact is, they’re kids and they probably don’t know the answer to that.

mary on

- Jacqui
Thanks! That makes a lot of sense. My mom past away 2 1/2 years ago and my father past away 25 years, I am the oldest and at times I feel as if I am blindly walking through this life learning as I go. Although I do get back up and help from my husband sometimes even that’s not the same.

Jacqui on

Mary hang in there and know you’re not alone!

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