Layla Kayleigh’s Blog: Maybe Another Baby?

09/20/2010 at 03:00 PM ET

America’s Best Dance Crew co-host Layla Kayleigh is letting readers follow along as she tackles first-time motherhood — daughter Melody Rain is now 10 months old. In her latest blog, Layla ponders having a second child — how do you decide when the time is right? — and learns Melody doesn’t like to be laughed at!

Melody in her nursery – Courtesy Layla Kayleigh

“When is Melody getting a brother or sister?” She isn’t even a year old yet, and I’m already getting this question, accompanied by a “nudge nudge, wink wink” from the inquiring party.

From family members to strangers, this seems to be the first thing that they ask me. I smile and politely reply, “The shop is temporarily closed,” and they just give me an awkward stare and proceed to change the subject.

Is it crazy that the thought didn’t even cross my mind until others brought it up?

It’s not that we don’t want more children — in fact, Steven probably wants more sooner rather than later — it’s just that I’ve been so involved with Melody that I didn’t even think about when we’d expand our family with another little bundle.

Melody gets the giggles – Courtesy Layla Kayleigh

Before I had Melody — back when I didn’t have a clue about motherhood — I always used to say, “I wish I could have twins so I’d only have to go through childbirth once.”

I also know people who’ve had their children a year apart, which is awesome too because the siblings get to be close in age and share so much together.

I don’t know … how do people make these decisions? I mean, right now another baby is not even on my radar! However, I’m questioning if that’s selfish of me.

What would Melody want, y’know? If only she could tell me…

Melody’s a dancing queen – Courtesy Layla Kayleigh

And speaking of Melody, she has become quite the little dancer! She’s learning to stand holding on to anything and everything she can get her hands on. Any time she hears the sound of music, she starts doing this funny head-banging dance as if on cue, like she’s dancing to Nirvana in a mosh pit!

I’ve noticed she doesn’t like being laughed at either — if I start giggling, she gives me a death stare and screams at the top of her lungs as if to say, “Don’t you dare laugh at my very awesome head-banging dance!” If I want to watch her performance I have to force myself to not even chuckle, which is VERY hard!

Last but not least, Melody took forever to get her teeth and then they all suddenly came in! She now has four — two on top and two on the bottom — and the two upper side teeth are starting to come through, which definitely makes her a little cranky. Poor thing.

Melody’s new teeth – Courtesy Layla Kayleigh

Much love,

— Layla Kayleigh

How did you decide when the time was right for a sibling for your little one?

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MariaP on

Cute baby. I’m 8 years older than my brother. Lucky I have a cousin that is close to me ( age and everything so I spent my childhood with him ). I really love my brother but I wish we were closer in age. We are close now as much as 20 years old and 12 years old can be but we can’t share a lot of things. His things are too childish for me and mine are too serious for him.

Laura on

She gets more and more beautiful each month!
You and Steve make gorgeous babies, whenever you’re ready for the next!

Dudebro on

How Cute! She looks just like her dad!

Mia on

what a doll!

Bigdaddyhammer on

Congrats, again, on such a beautiful little lady… she is gorgeous…

Lola Marie on

Melody is seriously gorgeous…look at those little legs…too precious for words…hopefully you guys expand your family, you make such cute babies…why not!!

bex on

My brother and I are 16 months apart and its been perfect! We were two grades apart in school (so when I was in year 2 he was in Kinder). We have the same interests, the same big bunch of friends and we look like twins! Now that we are 23 and 24 (soon to be 25) and have moved out of the house, when looking for housemates we decided to just move in together! All my cousins are close in age and so it was like I had 5 brothers and sisters, people who had brothers and sisters further in age never understand what we have.

Mary on

Layla I can understand you wanting to wait and enjoying your special time with Melody. Don’t let anyone rush you

mochababe73 on

I say don’t rush and enjoy your daughter. They are only this age once. My two children are 6 years apart. I informed my husband that I was not cut out to care for babies so we would need to space them accordingly.

I wouldn’t change it for anything.

liSA on

I had my children 3 years apart. I think it’s important they are somewhat close in age if you want them to share their experiences with one another, but trust me you’ll know when you want another 😉

Alice on

Awww your little girl is such a cutie!

I don’t have children myself yet but my nieces are 3 years apart (they’re now 7 and 4) and they’re super close (and have been since my youngest niece was born). They play together a lot, have no difficulty to share things and my eldest niece is very protective of her little sister.

I’m 12 and 10 years younger than my sisters and we’re very close too, but in a different way! Living alone with my parents since I was 8 I often longed for a sibling closer in age. I think it’s different in every case though, just go with your feeling and enjoy the time you have with Melody alone!

mel on

There is 43 months between my first two sets of twins and only about 20 months between my younger twins and my newborn. I much enjoyed the bigger age gap between them. I just feel much more tired now with this newborn then my last set of babies. I liked the fact that my older girls wanted to help with the new babies. Now my ‘babies’ are still wanting to be babies but i have a newborn as well.

Sam & Freya's Mum on

Mine are just over 3 years apart, & it works well. They’re not too far apart in age, nor too close to be really hard work, IMO. Kids get on well & daughter idolises her big brother, for now anyhow! However everyone has their own preferences/circumstances; whatever works best for you.

I enjoyed having 3 years or so with just one child, great for sanity!, & more quality time with him, taking him to toddler activities, so it wasn’t like he was lonely or missing out. I know what I can handle & I didn’t want two under 2, or under 2 1/2 for that matter (much as they’re a blessing!).

You never get the time back so enjoy her while you can – she’s adorable!

tschic on

Most woman feel the desire for another one when the baby becomes older and is able to walk and starts to speak, ca. 1 – 1 1/2 years. They want another baby because their baby isn`t a baby anymore….

When the mother’s older or the first baby is a good sleeper they get the next baby earlier than woman who are young or when the first baby is a really difficult one.

I had my second baby when her brother was 3. Before that, my body did not want to get pregnant, because I was always tired because my son was really exhausting.

Amanda on

I don’t know if there is a right way or wrong way to do it – but a year apart is not in the plans for me ;p I just want to enjoy my one, and maybe when she’s a little older and more self-sufficient I’ll thinking about adding one more in.

I hope you figure out what is right for the two of you. Beautiful family!

Beckster on

She’s a lil cutie 🙂

Kristen on

This is an intensely personal decision and it is only the decision of you and your husband. NO ONE ELSE! Because my husband is older and it took us a while to conceive our first, we knew we wanted our kids closer together. We were shocked though, when we became pregnant with our son (three-years-old today) when our daughter was only six months old. But we embraced it and have loved every minute (our second son is 20 months younger than son #1).

Kids can be close regardless of age spacing. And I’ve heard a lot of parents say that they wait 2 or 3 years so that their child will have memories of “not having to share their parents”. The truth is, you can’t guarantee your child will remember that time before their brother or sister was here. I am 2 years older than my brother and he is in every single one of my earliest memories. As far as my memory is concerned, he’s always been there. And think about how that sounds you want your oldest child to have memories of exclusively you but what about that second child? They don’t get a choice!

Regardless, your decision should be your own. Some people, like me, were cut out for 3 kids in diapers at the same time, others, not so much.

Jennifer on

I had my oldest at 21. I wasn’t planning on having a baby in college and being a single mom, but he surprised me. Obviously I waited awhile to have another one, until I was happily married and a little more financially stable.

My son and daughter are 6 years apart. It was the perfect age seperation for me at the time. My son actually appricaites having a sibling, he’s so helpful, and he loves his little sister to death!

We wanted to have the next one a little closer though, so when my daughter turned 1 we started trying again. Now we are pregnant with another girl, and they will be about 2 years apart. My little sister and I are also 2 years apart. We couldn’t stand eachother when we were younger, but are the best of friends now. It’s amazing to have my sister going through motherhood and marriage right along side of me, and I’m so excited for my girls to have that too!

Iva on

Again, thanks for sharing. I look forward to seeing Melody every month. She is such a cutie!!!!! You two should take the time and enjoy Melody for as long as you can. You will know when/if the time comes to have another little one. Best of luck to you and your family.

Melanie on

Melody is absolutely adorable! I chuckled reading your blog this week because I unexpectedly became pregnant with twin girls last year and they are now 10 mos old. Never something I even wished for but it happened and now I have 2 babies. And honestly even with the twins people always ask me or my husband when we’ll be expanding our family. We have our hands full with the girls but would like to someday have more children. Trust your gut, you’ll know when the time is right. When I was going through my difficult pregnancy and many sleepless nights the first few months the babies were home I thought to myself I’m never doing this again. But now that the babies are getting older I am starting to feel like I want another one sometime in the near future. No matter what you decide it will work out as it’s supposed to. Good luck.

April on

Ugh I know what you mean, we started getting those questions too when our first daughter was only a few months old!! At the time I thought I only wanted one child, but by the time my daughter was 2 I started getting the itch for a second child which was crazy because my “plan” was always just to have one. Now we have 3 girls each 3 years apart and we are done. You will know when you are ready to have another and you will know when it’s time to close up shop – you may surprise yourself but you will know!!

Melody is beautiful – love those legs!!

robinepowell on

My brother is a year and a half younger then me and we did not get along, lol. I didn’t like him and we had nothing in common. We’re better now, but not that close.

When will Layla have another baby? When she’s ready. 😉

court on

Ugh! Am I the only one who hates that question? Frankly, I think it’s no one’s business when I decide to have another child. You don’t know what I went through with the first one (difficult labor, postpartum depression) that may affect my decision NOT to have another one or maybe we are already trying for another and having difficulty conceiving again. Thanks for the reminder that I’m still not pregnant! I can understand the curiosity, but as to when you’re going to have a baby, be it the first one or the third, I think it’s a sensitive subject and the “ifs” and “whens” are things you should just wait for time to reveal. Thanks for sharing.

Lila on

I hate when poeple ask us about that too.

We have one wonderful daughter, and aren’t having anymore. Our lives are perfect just they way they are and we are all happy. I am an only child so I know that being an only isn’t horrible, in fact, I rather enjoyed not having to share my parents. I always had a ton of friends and don’t remember ever being really bored or lonely.

Don’t let people tell you how you “need” to have another right away, or that if you don’t they won’t be close. It’s a bunch of phoey, IMO. And remember that having another doesn’t always bring more happiness. If/when you want another one, it will feel like the right time for all of you.

VG on

I only have 1 child, who is 5 1/2 months old and she’s the greatest thing in my life right now. My husband and I already decided that we would have at least 2 children, possibly 3 if we had 2 girls in row (gotta try for that boy, LOL!).

I am 1 of 4 in my family and my husband is technically an only child, but has 2 half-brothers & 2 half-sisters from his parents previous marriages, so it was hard to come up with a “number” that suited us. No one is prepared for 1 child, let alone 2, 3, etc. When you feel you’re ready, you’ll have that next child. As for my experience, my siblings and I are all spread out. My sister is 38, my older brother 34, me @ 27, and my little brother is 19. So, you do what you feel is right for you.

Kat_momof3 on

as a mom of 3 kids, two who were 18mo apart, and the third born 2.5yrs after the younger of the first two… I know exactly what Melody wants… she wants you to do whatever spacing works best for you… whether that means never having another child, having one more, having two, three, however many more…

and she wants you to space her and whatever siblings in the timing that works for you.

I always wanted my kids close in age and I would have loved to have my third child 18mo after my second… but between my first child having special needs and my second having asthma that hadn’t gotten under control, we needed that extra year.

We also needed to stop after three, when our original number had been 4 or 5… because it is what we know is best for us… physically, emotionally, psychologically, and financially.

Kristina on

Isn’t that always the question? When you’ve been with someone for a long time it’s “When are you getting married?”. After you get married it’s “When are you having kids?”. After you have your first born (and I mean right after!) it’s “When are you having your second baby?” and so on.

I have a 15 month old and I’m asking myself the same thing! I know I’m not ready yet to have another child – mentally or physically (I had an emergency c-section with Lil J) but I do want them close in age. His sister (my step-daughter) is 9 years older than him.

I think we’ll know in our hearts when the time is right, just as we did with our firsts. All I know is that right now, the time is not right!!

@katmomof3 – I was just talking to my boss this morning whose daughter had severe asthma as an infant. She said she consulted a naturopath whom changed her daughter’s diet (no white flour, rice, pasta, etc) and in a month saw an improvement in her daughter’s health. Might be worth the try!

C on

My mother got pregnant with me on my sister’s 1st birthday and I think it turned out the best. My sister and I are 20 months apart and are very close. I cant imagine it any other way! Good luck to you!

Holiday on

My son and daughter are 4.5 years apart. My son is almost 5 now and my baby girl is 4 months. I like the age gap, not too big but not a tiny one either.

Christie on

I am four months pregnant with my second. My oldest is 18 months. I planned and tried for a few months for this second pregnancy, so it is definitely welcomed.

However, one thing to take into consideration when even considering a second is how circumstances are different when you have a toddler at home already. During my first pregnancy, I was able to come home from work and lay in bed and rest. On the weekends I got to be lazy when I wanted/needed to be and just took advantage of being the pregnant lady. Nowadays, I am still at my daughter’s mercy. She doesn’t care if I am tired or not feeling well, she wants to wake up at 6:30 and when I walk in the door after a long day at work, she still wants to play or be fed or be bathed and have her bedtime routine.

I waited several years to have my kids and am certainly grateful for every day, but wish I had really put thought into what being pregnant with a toddler was going to mean. Thankfully, Dad is around to help a lot and do household things so I can rest more than I probably would be able to do if he was working long hours, too. I am counting the days until I start my maternity leave just so I can hopefully get a daily nap in. As someone who is NOT a napper by nature, I can certainly say they are underrated.

Now, I have myself terrified of how I am going to be able to handle a newborn and a toddler…..

mom of 4 sons on

I think the decision to have or not have more kids is very personal and all dependent on your lifestyle. I too feel that couples should discuss and plan what is in the cards for them and be prepared to have more discussion later to make sure the original plan still works or if it needs tweaked or not.

My husband and I decided we wanted 4-6 kids, I said even number PERIOD! Both of us have our next sibling 6 years apart and neither of us is as close to our siblings as we’d like. So we wanted to have our kids one right after another. I’m a SAHM so this was feasible for us. If I had to go out to work, maybe not so feasible anymore.

We have 4 boys now whom are 19, 14, and 18months apart (5yrs, 3yrs, 2yrs, 11mos) and we love it. After each of their births, some while still in the hospital, one a few weeks after getting home I knew I was ready for more. With my last one, not so much anymore. I have my hands over full, not a lot of help and well I’m getting older, things are getting harder! LOL

So make your plan with your husband and trust that you’ll know when is right for you. Also remember, “we never regret the children we have, only the ones we don’t.” My online friends and I use this at times when deciding if we want another even when we don’t and HE does… Looking like it’s one more for me sometime soon, but I said I won’t even begin to think about it until the beginning of the new year! 😉 Good Luck!!

Sarah M. on

I mean no offense to anyone by this comment. Please don’t come and crucify me for it. (In advance considering how the comments have been lately!)

When people ask others if they want another after the first, they may not know that the person they are asking have been having a problem getting pregnant with another or that the person may have had a difficult pregnancy with the first. If they did, they wouldn’t be asking the question. So, while I do have sympathy for those who would like another and can’t have more, those being asked the question should try and realize that no harm is meant in any way, shape or form by asking the question.

I’m a nanny and with my profession it is a VERY valid question to ask to parents when I’m interviewing with them. I work with infants and toddlers and it speaks to job security for a longer amount of time. So I ask this question to every set of parents that I’ve interviewed with. But that is also a different circumstance than just asking because I’m curious. I am a kid person, I’m attracted to them like a magnet and they are the same to me. So when I see a parent out with a younger child, I generally ask if they have other children at home, OLDER children. Typically based of how the child’s personality they are with seems at the time. I mean no offence/harm by either question.

Whether you decide to have another or keep Melody an only child, it will be the best for you and your family!

Holiday on

mommyof4sons, I am not trying to be rude here, but were you wanting a girl? Did that have any bearing in the number of kids you had? I have one son and boy he is such a handful! I love him soooooo much but he is a lot of work! I wanted a daughter so badly for my 2nd and she is now 4.5 months and so far much easier then my son.

Still Life in Southeast Asia on

LOL–I can just imagine her head banging death glare. I LOVE it!

I wish that having children wasn’t a question during conversation. I’m at the peak child bearing age (33), and it is driving me crazy to hear the question. I’m like you–I don’t know yet!

L on

You’re never going to be sure on the timing. Honestly, you’re going to be wondering if it is the right time until you have the 2nd baby, then, it’s right. Things happen when they’re supposed to happen. Planning everything usually doesn’t work. You ever hear that saying “When you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans”?

Amber on

There is no right or wrong when to have a second baby, if you’re not ready you’re not ready, end of story. For me I always knew I wanted my kids close, partly because I wanted them to be close in age, and partly because I wanted to get all my child bearing done in a short period of time so I could relax once we were done, and have my body belong to me again. We knew before I had even given birth to our first son that we would be trying for a second between 6 months to a year after his birth. My boys are 1 month and 17 months old and while it is hard I love it. I am a stay at home mom so that also affects things, if I were working they would likely be spaced farther apart. We do plan to have a third (and likely last)child and we will most likely start trying again around our youngest first birthday, but that is just the way we want our family spaced.

melanie on

Love your blog and your baby is gorgeous.
You’ll know when you’re itching for another baby, trust me!
So if you’re unsure you’re not ready.

Sara on

My first is ten months old and I seriously want another – but physically I just couldn’t cope. I am young and full of energy and I still find the demands of my baby a real challenge. I take my hat off to mothers who have their babies so close together – I don’t know how you do it!

Molli on

most gorgous baby.

K on

I have four kids, 15, 11, 8, and 7. I really enjoyed the three plus year spacing with the first three and found the 17 month spacing between the last two very difficult. It could be because they are both girls, or having two in diapers, or even now, having two who constantly argue, but if i had it all to do over again, I would want them a little further apart. Everyone tells me they will be the best of friends when they are older and I hope so.

One thing I did find interesting is that my oldest is my only boy and he is a relatively easy teenager. Many people have told me this would not be the case if he had a little brother and that being the only one of a gender in a family changes the dynamic. He is very protective and good with his younger sisters.