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Apr 03 2010 02:00 PM ET
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Emma Thompson: ‘I Draw Strength’ From Daughter’s Birth

Flynet

In a new interview with the UK’s Guardian newspaper, actress Emma Thompson, 50, hints at the fertility struggle she endured both before and after becoming mom to 10-year-old Gaia Romilly.

Abandoning the effort — following three unsuccessful years of failed IVF — was particularly difficult, Thompson says, because she found the act of childbirth so empowering.

“Even now, when things are bad I go back and I remember the birth process,” she explains.

“I can transport myself back to that moment when Gaia was born — it’s like a well from which I draw strength.”

The passage of time has also provided Thompson with a different perspective, for she now feels she might not have become an adoptive mom to 23-year-old Tindyebwa ‘Tindy’ Agaba had she succeeded in conceiving another biological child.

“I couldn’t have more children, and that was hard; but perhaps if I had [had more], I’d have missed out on this extra act of mothering that I’ve had with Tindy,” she muses.

“Because there was space in my life for him, and I don’t think there would have been space if I’d had another young child around.”

Tindy — whose mother disappeared in the Rwanda genocide and whose father died of AIDS –might someday still be officially adopted by Thompson and her husband of six years, actor Greg Wise.

“The important thing, though, is that he is in our life and we are his family, and that’s an absolute truth,” she says.

Noting that Gaia was just a toddler when first introduced to Tindy, Thompson says “he became her big brother very quickly — she adores him.”

It’s clear that Gaia isn’t the only one! Thompson adds, “He’s serious-minded but very funny too. We laugh a lot. And we talk a lot — we go for long walks to chat, which is lovely. We’re so alike … it’s as though we were related.”

While Wise acted as primary caregiver to Gaia last summer as Thompson filmed Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang, Thompson says the roles will be reversed this summer — and that she is looking forward to the change.

“I always knew I’d want to be the sort of mother who would be properly around,” she explains.

“What I most wanted was for Gaia to take me for granted — I couldn’t bear the thought of being that ‘special’ kind of mum, I wanted to be an everyday kind. Family is the center of everything for me. But family is about connection, not necessarily about blood ties. It’s about extended family — and extending family.”

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“she might not have become an adoptive mom to 23-year-old Tindyebwa ‘Tindy’ Agaba had she succeeded in conceiving another biological child.”

“Tindy .. . might someday still be officially adopted by Thompson and her husband of six years . . . ”

So did she adopt him or not? The article refers to her as his adoptive mom, then says she might some day adopt him. If she hasn’t adopted him, then she isn’t his adoptive mom.

- dfs on

Not officially, but he’s part of the family anyway. Jeez, does everything needs to be official? If she loves him, feels and acts like a mom to him, well, then she has the right to be labeled his adoptive mom.

- Solène on

Is 23 year old a misprint? How could Gaia have been a toddler when he was adopted if she’s only 10yrs old?

- IMSMD on

I believe he was a teenager when he became a part of his family. So, let’s say 8 years ago, he would have been 15-sounds about right!

- Abbe on

I believe he was a teenager when he joined their family-so Gaia would have been about 2…he would have been about 15..sounds right to me!

- Abbe on

Wikipedia:

Thompson married actor Greg Wise in 2003 in Dunoon, Scotland, where she has a second home.[8] The couple have a daughter, Gaia Romilly, born in 1999. In 2003 the couple informally adopted a 16-year-old Rwandan refugee named Tindyebwa Agaba. They successfully resisted his deportation back to Rwanda, his family having been killed in the genocide.

- Abbe on

They didn’t adopt him. They met him when he was already a teenager, I think about 16 years old. He came to the UK on his own and they consider him part of the family now.

Personally I don’t see why she would adopt him later on when he is already an adult.

- Anna on

She and Greg are wonderful folks. It doesn’t matter if the adoption is official or not. I know personally about these things, and believe me, a piece of paper does NOT automatically bestow responsibility or love.

- mp on

“Not officially, but he’s part of the family anyway. Jeez, does everything needs to be official? If she loves him, feels and acts like a mom to him, well, then she has the right to be labeled his adoptive mom.”

There’s no need to be nasty. I was just confused by the article.
I think a better term would be foster mom, because adoptive mom usually means a legal parent. However, they don’t live in the US so maybe they use different terms than us.

- dfs on

RE: Annna
‘Personally I don’t see why she would adopt him later on when he is already an adult.’

Once you turned 18, did you stopped speaking to your parents, stop seeking their advice, stop needing their love ?

Some species set their young free, and never see them again. Thankfully humans are not one of them. We seek guidance, wisdom and love from our parents throughout our lives. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 30, and 3 years later, I still grieve the lost of her love and the wisdom that she shared with us all. I can only imagine what it would be like to lose both parents before I was old enough to drive. It would be like being set adrift in the world with no map, no help. I think adopting, legally or not, older children, including teens, is a wonderful gift.

At 23, he may not need their financial support, but, like all of us, he will ALWAYS need parents.

- Charity on

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