Jennifer Lopez: It Takes An 'Amazing Person' To Be a Single Mom

Kevin Mazur/AMA2009/WireImage

In her upcoming film The Back-up Plan, Jennifer Lopez plays an expectant mom who falls in love with a man she meets on the way home from being artificially inseminated.

While the timing of her character’s introduction to Mr. Right might be unique, Jennifer says that she knows several women — friends and coworkers — who have become mothers via insemination.

“I just don’t know if I could do this, honestly,” the 40-year-old singer/actress reveals to USA Today. “Now I know how much I rely on my partner [husband Marc Anthony] … Knowing what single moms go through, I think it takes such an amazing person to do that.” She adds,

“You get to a point in your life and you think about it, and I think it’s a beautiful thing to be able to find the strength to do that on your own. That child will enrich your life. It’s a beautiful thing to think that option is there.”

Speaking of good timing, Jennifer says that the role came around at the perfect time. “I’d had the babies, so I was waiting for the right thing and I knew I wanted to do a romantic comedy,” she explains. “I felt like when I read the script, it was at the right place for me.”

Citing her pregnancy with fraternal twins Emme Maribel and Maximilian David, turning 2 next week, Jennifer adds,

“I had so much experience to bring to the role. It was the kind of romantic comedy that didn’t feel typical, and the script was so funny.”

The Back-up Plan hits theaters April 23.

Source: USA Today

Comments

Interesting to me that she thinks it would be a challenge to be a single mom when she has about 5 nannies helping her with her twins, lol! I’m sure her and Mark don’t do half of what regular parents do. Not to say that they’re not good parents, just able to pay for a lot of extra help!

- urbanadventurertales on February 20th, 2010

Interesting how in this interview she supports single women using insemination to conceive out of wedlock, when in her previous interview not even a month ago, she claimed that she was very religious and *traditional* and did not pursue infertility treatments due to her faith in God and her religious beliefs that “you don’t mess around with things like that.”

- Christina on February 20th, 2010

I couldn’t imagine going down the insemination route but I understand that it gives women choice and independence. Some single mom friends of mine actually feel they are better off without partners, often because they behaved just like additional kids rather than being supportive.

Family structure is certainly becoming a brave new world.

- lucy on February 20th, 2010

Is it me or is JLo looking very different these days? Pretty but very different from before.

- Mary on February 20th, 2010

Sometime I think Jen is darned if she does & darned if she doesn’t. She said IVF wasn’t right FOR HER, not that it isn’t right. I love that she refers to Marc as a partner and plays up how much he does, dads don’t get alot of credit sometimes. I don’t think I could handle being a single parent either. It takes a very strong woman & kudos to Jen for admitting she doesn’t know how she would handle it.

- Mary-Helen on February 20th, 2010

Technically, it doesn’t take an amazing person to be a single mom. All it takes is for a woman to not have a partner, which is a very frequent occurance these days. However, I do commend woman who do not have partners but are brave and raise the children on their own- there are some truly wonderful moms out there. However,insemination not a choice I would ever make. If I never had the chance to get married, I would not choose to get pregnant on my own – I wouldn’t be able to provide enough emotional and financial support to a baby. However, I might look into adopting an older child who needed me.

- Ashandra on February 20th, 2010

I bet Dayanara Torres is an amazing single mom!

- Ashandra on February 20th, 2010

Christina, just because she wouldn’t go through fertility treatments becuse of her religious beliefs doesn’t mean she can’t support a single woman who chooses to become a mother via artificial insemination. The two are not mutually exclusive.

For example: I do not believe in abortion for any reason, whatsoever and I cannot think of any scenario where I would be ok with having one. But that is my PERSONAL belief. I would never judge someone else for believing or practicing something different than me. And if it was somone I loved in a that situation, I would still support them despite the differences in our beiefs. It is not my place to judge.

Likewise, I plan to become a single mother by choice and I will be going through artificual insemination in a few months. Not everyone in my inner circle would choose this option and some flat out believe it is wrone, but the people who love me support me…despite what they personally believe.

- michelle on February 20th, 2010

The mothers of all of his other children seem to be doing fine as single mothers. I’m sure Jennifer Lopez will be, too.

- Janna on February 20th, 2010

Why would anyone choose insemination as a single woman and consciously make the choice to deny a child a father??? I think like a number of celebrities, Jen just says whatever she believes will make people like her. JMO

- cris on February 20th, 2010

Cris, families come in all different forms and nowhere is it a requirement that one must have both a mother and a father. No one is denying anything to the child. Maybe he or she won’t have a present father but will have a mother and other individuals (grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, etc.) that will love it unconditionally.

In many scenarios not involving artificial insemination, a child may not have both a mother and father. Perhaps one parent is absent due to death or uninvolvement. Maybe a single individual chose to adopt a child. In other instances, two fathers or two mothers may chose to become parents.

As long as a child is loved and properly cared for, it doesn’t matter.

- Liliana on February 20th, 2010

Ashandra- great point! We often forget that Mark has other children!

- urbanadventurertales on February 20th, 2010

Although I wouldn’t call myself a fan of Jennifer’s work, I feel she’s getting a bum rap in this thread.

One, maybe it’s precisely because she DOES have help with nannies that she understands how being a single mom would be such a challenge. People’s privilege doesn’t always make them oblivious, you know, and her specific reality may well have given her an appreciation for those who do NOT have what she does.

Two, as others have already pointed out, just because she wouldn’t go the IVF route doesn’t mean she can’t understand why single women or other couples do, and she respects THEIR choice.

Last, LOTS of women choose artificial insemination without having a “father figure” around, for a host of reasons, including the desire to be a mother as the clock ticks and there’s no suitable life-partner on the horizon. It’s not so much about denying a child a father as it is the refusal to be denied the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood.

OK, I’m off the soap-box.

- giftbox on February 20th, 2010

Jennifer can’t win. There are some VERY judgemental people on here. Like another person said what ever she says is wrong. Its her decision what she chooses for herself.

- Laydacris on February 20th, 2010

Wow. What catty comments re: Marc’s first wife. Marc & Dayanarra had seperated before Jennifer & Marc became an item, it’s not like they had a sordid affair like Brangelina, who gets praised. Marc spends a great deal of time with his other children so it’s not like poor Dayanarra is struggling to make it through the days wondering when the kids will see their dad again. She also has a new partner. Why does every Jennifer Lopez thread have to lead to snottiness and mockery?

- Mary-Helen on February 20th, 2010

Well said giftbox…

- Dasche Bledsoe on February 20th, 2010

giftbox Says:
Last, LOTS of women choose artificial insemination without having a “father figure” around, for a host of reasons, including the desire to be a mother as the clock ticks and there’s no suitable life-partner on the horizon. It’s not so much about denying a child a father as it is the refusal to be denied the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood.

This comment by far is the most selfish comment I have EVER read on this site!!!

- cris on February 20th, 2010

I don’t like her at all, and while I do think it’s nice that she’s giving single moms a compliment, I have to agree with some of the others.

Christina has a very good point- It’s very strange how she criticizes traditionally married couples using in vitro fertilization to concieve a child because she is very religious, but doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with bringing a child into the world in pretty much the same way, only without a father figure. Not that there is anything wrong with either concept to me really, but I don’t understand how when it benefits her (she doesn’t want people to think her children where concieved through IVF) she says she’s against the treatment and it’s against her beliefs, but when she wants to be seen as compassionate or whatever, she goes ahead and praises basically the same thing that she disagreed with.

For the record, I am a fairly religious Catholic person and I am not against fertility treatments. Some religious people are against them, and that’s fine, they’re entitled to their opinion, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with their beliefs. I just don’t like how she can criticize IVF then go and praise artificial insemination. Now all that being said, I do agree with her that single mom’s are amazing, and deserve a lot of praise!

- Erika on February 20th, 2010

Cris, how on earth are the comments made by giftbox selfish? I’m actually puzzled that you think this.

- Liliana on February 20th, 2010

“I wouldn’t be able to provide enough emotional and financial support to a baby. However, I might look into adopting an older child who needed me.”

News flash: older children you adopt need just as much emotional/financial support as babies you give birth to.

- asdas on February 20th, 2010

giftbox Says:
Last, LOTS of women choose artificial insemination without having a “father figure” around, for a host of reasons, including the desire to be a mother as the clock ticks and there’s no suitable life-partner on the horizon. It’s not so much about denying a child a father as it is the refusal to be denied the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood.

Liliana Says:
Cris, how on earth are the comments made by giftbox selfish? I’m actually puzzled that you think this.

I can take a stab at this. Because the desire to be a mother and to experience pregnancy is a selfish reason to have a child. A better reason is if you are fully committed, emotionally and financially, to raise a child. Being a mother is not about your own wants and needs.

- Ashandra on February 20th, 2010

Mary-Helen, why bring up Brad and Angelina in this topic? What do they have to do with anything. I have noticed that you seem to bring them up alot for no reason at all around here. Anyway, I don’t see anything wrong with Jennifer’s comments. What’s wrong with some support for single mothers and fathers?

- Lee on February 20th, 2010

Cris, I don’t think you understand what she was talking about. Are you also against gay parents or parents who divorce? Many, many people grow up without a father or a mother and are fine. I know it’s shocking news to you but it happens.

- Lee on February 20th, 2010

Having been raised by a single mother I totally agree with her. It took an amazing woman to work 2 jobs, while going to college, and still coming home to cook and clean…and make time for kid activities. My mother was amazing at it. It can be done, and is done by many every day…but that doesn’t make it any easier, nor her less amazing. =)

Fortunately, i have a supportive husband and I find myself tired from work, etc. Then I immediately feel appreciative when I think of the woman who can’t say “honey, keep these kids busy while I take a nap.” So kudos to all the single mothers for getting the job done.

- m-dot on February 21st, 2010

I also think it takes an amazing person to be a single mother and raise young people who are decent and not a burden or trouble to society. To be both mother and “father” and do the job of two people while working full time or going to school or whatever circumstances that life throws at them.

Shout out to my own mom!

- RIP Michael on February 21st, 2010

Also shout out to the men that step up to the plate. They don’t get nearly enough recognition. To much attention is given to the deadbeat dad’s of the world…

- RIP Michael on February 21st, 2010

Lee- I agree completely about bringing up Angie and Brad (not to mention that saying that they had a “sordid affair” isn’t even accurate in the first place….but I digress.)!

michelle- I agree whole-heartedly. I very strongly disagree with pre-marital sex (the one exception to that is same-sex couples. I realize that, in most states in the U.S., and in a lot of other countries, same-sex couples don’t even have the option to marry.). I think that sex should only be shared by a husband and a wife. I also don’t agree with a couple living together before they get married (yes, I’m offically old-fashioned that way!).

However, does that mean that I’m going to judge and criticize people who DO decide to have sex before marriage and/or live with their partner before marriage? Absolutely not! What’s right for me might not be right for other people. Bottomline: You can disagree with something but still accept that whatever you disagree with IS the right choice for some people.

- CelebBabyLover on February 21st, 2010

Ashandra, as a mother myself, I know that.

What I am saying is that if you look at it that way, then anyone who says they want to become a parent, even from an early age, is selfish. People have a multitude of reasons for why they desire to raise a child and, unless a potential child’s well-being is at stake, why judge?

- Liliana on February 21st, 2010

Oh please, Ashandra and Cris.

“The desire to be a mother and to experience pregnancy is a selfish reason to have a child. A better reason is if you are fully committed, emotionally and financially, to raise a child.”

Really? I suppose it didn’t occur to you that desiring to be a mother might just exaclty mean being fully committed, emotionally and financially, to raise a child. How are those two things incompatible? If you know you can love and support your child and you want to do it, how is that a bad reason? This doesn’t make sense.
You probably understood the “desire to be a mother” part as “desire to have a pretty doll to play with”. Well it’s not because you don’t have a partner that you are this stupid/superficial.

Being a mother is not about your own wants and needs, but choosing to become one ALWAYS is. Before you make that baby, there is no one else’s wants and needs but the parents’! It cannot be selfless.

Having a baby on your own is more about denying yourself the help and support of a partner than denying your child anything IMO.

- Alice on February 21st, 2010

The desire to become a parent is an inherently selfish impulse period. It was *my* desire to become a mother and my husband’s desire to become a father which led me to become pregnant with our daughter, it was someting *we* wanted for ourselves.

It’s obviously biological as well, but we don’t bring children into this world for something altruistic reason, we don’t add to the population of the planet because we believe it’s better for the world to add one more person. We do it because we want it for ourselves, for our own happiness.

And to the person who said she would adopt an older child because you didn’t feel you could provide a baby with the emotional and financial support necessary? Chances are that an older child, who has been in the system or waiting in an orphanage will need MORE of those things from you.

Cris, families come in all variations, and they are all beautiful. I’m sorry you are so short sighted.

- Jen on February 21st, 2010

celeb baby lover…

you sound like a very nice person. however i’m a bit perplexed by your last comment.

you write that you “very strongly disagree with pre-maritial sex” unless the couple is gay; that you “also don’t agree with a couple living together before they get married,” and “that sex should only be shared between a husband and wife.”

but in the next breath you state that you don’t judge or criticize others if they do so. I might believe this if you had been talking about your own personal life choices, but your statement is clearly projecting your morals on society in general. and it sounds very much like judgment to me.

You are well within your rights to hold the beliefs you do… However your closing statement of “You can disagree with something but still accept that whatever you disagree with IS the right choice for some people.” could probably be replaced with “When people do things I think are morally wrong, I just keep my mouth shut.” I have a feeling that is closer to the truth.

- fuzibuni on February 21st, 2010

Christina – She never said that she was against those things in general she was just saying that she wouldn’t make those choices for herself! That is a totally different thing!

- Diana on February 21st, 2010

I’m currently pregnant via insemination and of course single. I make a good living and I feel that I’m emotionally and mentally ready to parent. I was married and pregnant before but that was an abusive relationship and I wound up losing the baby. Afterwards I was depressed and wondered if it was some punishment. I started donating blood monthly and three years ago I donated a piece of my liver to a little girl. She’s recently celebrated her 4th birthday without the need for mendications or steriods. She’s a perfectly healthy little girl. And I did that. (ok not on my own but I helped a great deal)

I feel like I deserve a child of my own. Call me selfish if you want.

- M on February 21st, 2010

M, best of luck and happiness to you and your baby!

- Alice on February 21st, 2010

Wow, M. You seem like a wonderful and giving person.

I wish you nothing but the best for you and your child.

- Liliana on February 21st, 2010

Diana, perhaps I am confused, but in Jennifer’s prior statement “I’m quite traditional. And I also believe in God and I have a lot of faith in that, so I just feel like you don’t mess with things like that.” I’m not understanding where she says she supports IVF in general for other people, but that it’s just not her personal choice for her.

- Christina on February 21st, 2010

Lee & Alice,
As Giftbox so clearly stated, obviously the first choice was to have a ‘suitable life-partner”

“the desire to be a mother as the clock ticks and there’s no suitable life-partner on the horizon.”

The issue I have with the statement giftbox made was that it came off as sounding as though a child is a consumable item:

“that It’s not so much about denying a child a father as it is the refusal to be denied the experiences of pregnancy and motherhood.”

- cris on February 21st, 2010

Cris, I see that the wording can seem a bit off especially in the last bit you cited. But not wanting to be denied the experience of motherhood doesn’t make a child a consummable item, it’s just as Jen (#30) said a choice we make for ourselves, with or without a partner.
I’m sure it’s no one’s aim to get to the point where they have to accept that if they will ever be parents it’s without a partner, but it happens and the last thing they need is to be considered selfish. They are committing to doing twice the job!

- Alice on February 21st, 2010

fuzibuni- I honestly wasn’t trying to judge or project anything. I was simply stating my beliefs. Notice that I never said that I think everyone should think the same way I do (in fact, I said quite the opposite: That I realize that just because something feels wrong to me, doesn’t mean it feels or is wrong for someone else. No, I did not use those exact words, but that is what I was trying to imply).

- CelebBabyLover on February 22nd, 2010

Thanks Alice, it’s posters like you that reinforce my belief in common courtesy! Very well articulated comment.
First: Ashandra, are you a single mother? Have you ever been a single mother? Yes, technically, all it takes to be a single gestational carrier is to give birth without a spouse. However, I’m not sure if you were being deliberately dense or whether it was unintentional, but it’s easy to gleen from the article that Jennifer wasn’t talking about the social/technical status of being a single mother. As a single mother, who too often ends up beating myself up over little, inconsequential things, it’s people like you (judgemental and narrow minded), who make the walk that much harder.
Second: Cris- I was married when I conceived and carried my daughter. As a single mother not by choice, it’s people like you (shocking! but also judgemental and narrow minded), who take one look at a person’s situation on paper and make it out to seem as though they’re selfish and immature to have their child and raise it on their own. I’m so incredibly grateful to have my daughter but there’s no way I’d have stayed with my husband simply to not “deny my child a father”. You should be a bit more careful when you make sweeping generalizations like that. As another poster pointed out: families come in all different sizes/numbers and there are just as many damaged children running around from two parent households as there are children from less traditional homes. (And before you jump on another incorrect assumption- yes, MY parents are happily married)

- Morgan on February 22nd, 2010

Thanks, J Lo! It’s not easy being a single mom (and for the record I am not by choice. I’m divorced, and neither of my kids’s dads are involved in their day-to-day lives), and when you’re used to being dexcribed in words like, exhausted, stressed, overworked, busy, etc, it really gives a boost on the rare occasions when someone says something like amazing. I think Jennifer is a great woman, and her kids and hubby are very lucky to have them.

As far as the insemination thing goes, I don’t see anything wrong with what she said. Fertility treatments are there for so many reasons, and just b/c Jennifer didn’t choose to use them for herself, does not mean she can’t be supportive and happy for those women who use them to start their family. I beleive there is a difference between the 2 scenarios. Things aren’t always black and white, right or wrong. People have different situations. She acknowledged it wasn’t right FOR HER. However, I think it’s great that she sees why it would be right for someone else. And both women and men are perfectly capable of giving a child love and support and a great home on their own. If a person (and there are men who choose to become single fathers too) were to get to a point in their life where they are ready to become a parent, where they know they want a child more than anything, and they can financially and emotionally support that child on their own, but for whatever reason they find themselves alone still, then who the heck is anyone else to tell them that they’re wrong to do that? Yeah it would be great to have 2 parents in the house, but sometimes that just isn’t a possibility. How about a mom whose husband was killed while she was pregnant? Is it selfish of her to then choose to have the baby and keep it, knowing she will be a single parent, rather than abort or give it up? Regardless of how it happens, a child is getting a good home, and a brave, strong parent who loves them enough to have them, knowing they were choosing the harder path. That’s more than can be said for the two-parents homes out there that are filled with abuse and neglect. Just b/c there are 2 parents doesn’t always mean things are perfect there, doesn’t mean a kid is better off. I think people need to open their hearts and their minds and not be quite so quick to judge others. You don’t know a person’s situation or details about why they make the choices they make. Just b/c you don’t agree and wouldn’t do something yourself, does not give you the right to judge others for making the best choices for their lives.

And before I finish here, I just want to say that whoever said becoming a parent is a selfish thing to do, I wonder if you even have children? B/c if you did, you would know that once you have a child, you are essentially giving up your life to them. You become the absolute last priority. All of your time, energy, money, emotions, absolutely everything you have, you give to your kids. Everything you do is for them. Yes, it is the most wonderful thing in the world for the parent too. It is joyful and rewarding, and completely amazing. But I don’t think that choosing to give yourself over completely to your children so you can give them everything they need to bloom should necessarily be described as “selfish”.

And… I’m done. Have a nice day, all!

- Shannon on February 22nd, 2010

Shannon- Very well said! You just said exactly what I was trying to say, only you did it much better than I did!

- CelebBabyLover on February 23rd, 2010

Ony a few comments mentioned the an ever more important task of raising kind, healthy, confident kids. So many make comments about what others should or should not do in their lives are the very people that probably could have stood to have better parents themselves-single or together.

The important idea is that your an “amazing” person to raise kids on your own through hard word and dedication if you have done so successfully and not unleashed some mutant on society for everyone else to have to deal with. So we all at some point should stop focusing on who’s knocking up who and who’s married to who in a quest to judge someone and get a “one-up” or a “feel good” based on criticizing others. Focus on whether or not people are raising good kids that we will all have to deal with one day and may be making important decisions for our lives….end of rant…

- Jen on February 24th, 2010