Jerry Seinfeld Reveals the ‘Poison Ps’ of Parenting

Gary Gershoff/Getty

In a revealing new interview with PARADE, comedian Jerry Seinfeld speaks at length about his approach to parenting Sascha, 9, Julian Kal, 6 ½, and Shepherd Kellen, 4 ½, his three children with wife Jessica Seinfeld.

At the heart of their philosophy are the “poison Ps” — three rules the couple swear by.

First on the list is praise, something Jerry feels parents dole out more often than they should. “We tell our kids, ‘Great job!’ too much,” he says. Problem solving claims the second position, with Jerry opining that society “refuse[s] to let our children have problems.” He elaborates,

“Problem-solving is the most important skill to develop for success in life, and we for some reason can’t stand it if our kids have a situation that they need to ‘fix.’ Let them struggle –it’s a gift.”

As for Jerry’s final “poison P” — giving kids too much pleasure — the point was made by a mom ordering cookies for her three children not far from where the interview was being conducted. “Can you believe this?” he asks. “It’s 5:30 p.m. — when will they have dinner? At 8?”

Click below to read how Jerry thinks parents can ensure that their children become good adults.

As for why parents overindulge their children, Jerry goes on to share his “far-fetched” theory, which centers on the notion that kids today are not as innocent as they once were.

“We feel so guilty for destroying that innocence — which is what we did — so we’re now trying to repair that by creating perfect childhoods for our children. The reason we overdo it so much is because we feel so bad about it.”

The best way to ensure that children grow up to be good adults is to set a good example for them, according to Jerry. “Kids are not going to do what you tell them to do or think like you tell them to think,” he explains. “Kids are watching how you deal with that waiter or that handyman, and they are probably more likely to imitate you.”

Imitating Sascha, Julian and Shepherd has been comedy gold for Jerry, 55, who says that his children have provided him with “a great creative corridor” when it comes to his stand-up routines. “If I was younger, I’d have six kids by now,” he confesses.

“I love it. I love having a family and kids and all the madness. There is no aspect of it I don’t like. Even when it’s horrible, I love it. I didn’t realize how tired of single life I was and how ready I was for married life.”

Source: PARADE

Comments

Well said Jerry. I totally agree about too much praise. I know that some parents do, but I do not subscribe to the philosophy of “every child get’s a trophy”. I believe children should be taught that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but most of the time it is directly proportionate to how hard you work at it. And sometimes id doesn’t matter how hard you work, it just doesn’t work out.

As an Executive, I am now hiring and training this generation of everyone’s a winner and my parents over-protected me. Let me tell you just how NOT ready for the real world they are.

- michelle on February 13th, 2010

I’ve heard of the ‘no praising’ rule before with kids…but come on,what are you supposed to say when your child does a good job, just sit there with a dull look on your face?? Please someone answer this for me. Jerry didn’t even give an example of what he would say, it just seems so odd.
And the comment of the kids having cookies at 5:30: we eat at 5pm every night for dinner. We are done by 5:30, if my kids finish their dinner, they can have a treat IF there is even one in the house. I don’t give dessert often. How does he know if they had dinner already or not?
As for parents ‘creating the perfect childhood for our kids’, I wouldn’t believe for one moment his children don’t have a perfect childhood. I’ll bet they want for NOTHING and have perfectly well rounded lives, with perfect meals on the table at the perfect time and they are all wearing perfect clothing and go to their perfect bedrooms and they all do it perfectly. He needs to get off his high horse on parenting. Parenting isn’t easy and we’re all doing the best we can with what we have and know.

- Mary on February 13th, 2010

How very true. I know it must sound mean, but I want my children to fail at something’s, just so they truly know that when they have succeeded they will respect it and appreciate it as well. And I want my children to feel sadness too because I believe that if they were never truly sad how do they really know to be happy. I do my best to show them the “right” way and if they fail or take the short cut, well than you just might suffer some consequences.

- mary on February 13th, 2010

wow Mary, bitter much?? You just criticised Jerry for making assumptions about that woman, and then go on to make some very nasty judgements of your own. Its called hipocrisy and it doesn’t avail your opinion to anyone. How do you know if their life is perfect at all? And its pretty obvious by Jerry’s comments that he and his wife are not the kind of parents to just serve everything to their children on a silver platter.
As far as i am concerned Jerry made some excellent points, if you don’t know when to praise your children then you’re in some trouble. He didn’t say to never praise them, of course you do when they have done a good job, he simply is saying that praise should be given when it is actually deserved, not as a response to every single behaviour.
I didn’t find his comments to be arrogant in any way, in fact I felt like he was trying to support those parents who do not want to molly coddle their children. Parenting is tough, and everybody does it differently, that doesn’t mean he is not allowed to comment on it, ESPECIALLY when he was asked about it in an interview!!

- steph on February 13th, 2010

I’m totally in the “describe, don’t praise” camp, too (there’s actually been a lot of research done in this area, examining intrinsic vs extrinsic motivation, and I highly recommend the book “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk” as an in valuable resource for learning how to change your vocabulary, or at least, if you are going to praise, praise effort not accomplishment).

Mary, what I have read, and am now in the habit of doing, is simply to describe what they have done in a pleasing tone, or perhaps to let them know genuinely that something they have done has really been a blessing to me. At this point, a generic “good job!” would be meaningless and empty to my kids, most likely; it just seems so throwaway (my mother-in-law still “good job!”s them every 5 min, and it feels really fakey to them, even the 2.5-year-old).

So I say things like, “You set the table! That really makes my job easier. Thanks!” or in response to a drawing, “Wow! Look at all the blue you used over there. Tell me about it…” In general, I try to do a lot of communication modeling, and validative/reflective listening, i.e. “You’re really angry! You wish you could have that lollipop, but we need to save it for later. It’s hard to have to wait, isn’t it?” Stuff like that.

But in terms of praise, decades of research (on both kids and adults) clearly show that generic praise, i.e. “good job!” just teaches kids to look to others for assessment/acceptance instead of try to meet their own (possibly higher) standards, and it quickly extinguishes genuine interest in whatever activity they are doing. Once they have been “evaluated”, they are no longer as interested in doing the activity for their own personal pleasure. And just think how much more meaningful it is to hear from your own DH, “Wow. You made a fabulous dinner. The chicken was moist and perfect, and the salad was the best I’ve had in a while. And that dessert? Yum! Can’t wait for the leftovers!” Versus “Good job on dinner!”

Exaggerated, yes, but we all love detailed, more precise reports of how we have really excelled in some area that generic praise (that loses its power and meaning) thrown left and right. And I think that’s what Seinfeld is talking about. I have seen lots of parents “praise” a kid for putting on his shoes, walking out the door, getting in their car seat, etc., just overkill, or else they praise every sloppy drawing they make as though it’s Picasso, afraid to do otherwise would hurt their “self-esteem”. Kids know the real from the fake, and do better with fewer, more authentic expressions of pleasure, IMO.

- Laura on February 13th, 2010

WELL SAID Michelle & “Mary II”—-couldn’t agree more with you. Ditto’s all around

- Dana on February 13th, 2010

I was told never to say “good job” to my children at their preschool. I ignored that bit of advice. I don’t usually say the words “good job”, but make a specific comment about what they did – like “Wow, what interesting colors you used in your painting” We parents have enough on our plates, than to think, “Oh geez, I better compliment them too much! Use common sense – if your child gave a piano recital, and you’re proud, tell them! If they got a good report card, tell them! It’s better than ignoring your child, or not caring!

- Cece on February 13th, 2010

I don’t agree with not praising children when they do a good job. However, I DO agree that there is an overabundance of praise. When we have to take sports out of schools because, “oh, some children aren’t as athletic as others and it makes them feel bad, so we’re going to do art and tell EVERYONE that they are wonderful!” or there’s a rule like, “we hang EVERYONE’S papers on the board, so everyone feels proud, even if they made a C!” it’s ridiculous. Let those children that actually accomplish something earn their praise, but stop praising those children who choose to slack and cheat and do all of the things that should not be rewarded.

- M.J. on February 13th, 2010

Oh, I’m with Jerry on this entire topic. I wonder how much of the “overly excited about everything” parenting situation is partly due to not wanting to look like you’re not as proud of your kid when other parents are losing their minds. I grew up in the 70s and early 80s. After that, it was like a switch went off or something! Parenting shifted. Some ways for the better, but in a lot of ways not.

- Erin on February 13th, 2010

Bravo Jerry!
How refreshing to hear a celebrity talking about limits and not overindulgence when it comes to their children.
As for the praising, I agree 100%. He is not saying they DON’T praise their children, he’s saying that this generation of parents OVERDO it. Kids don’t need to hear “good job!” 100 times a day.
Good point, Cece. There are other ways to show positive reinforcement without “Good job!”

- Kristin on February 14th, 2010

I agree with the ‘too much praise’ thing. It’s good to tell your child good job when they really do something well, but some parents tell their kids that everything that they do is just wonderful. Then they go to school and expect everything they do to be seen as amazing and it doesn’t happen. They also won’t know how to deal with criticism when somebody (like a teacher) tells them that whatever they did is not perfect. I was taught this in a child development class and I think it’s true. Should you tell them that their picture is nice, or that you love it? Of course, but every little thing shouldn’t be perfect.

- Erika on February 14th, 2010

I certainly don’t mind getting advice from a researcher or child development specialist regarding children, however, despite the fact that Jerry’s comments are not remotely outlandish, I find him to be arrogant and preachy. I don’t think he intended to be that way but why do we “regular” folks need advice from celebs? What makes him more of an expert than me? If I want to give my kid a cookie at 5:30, BEFORE dinner I can. Perhaps they had a rough day or it was promised to them for accomplishing something…

- Elizabeth on February 14th, 2010

Laura,
Thank you for clarifying it for me. I do tend to do the generic ‘good job’ too much and I’m aware of it now. Just last week my son received two awards at school, they had a whole ceremony and everything. Only about half of his class received awards and they were specific to the areas they are good at. When I told my sister this, she was horrified and said every child should have gotten one. She said when her son was in Kindergarten, they would give all the kids an award (different school system and city). I didn’t have an opinion either way but now I guess I understand where you’re all coming from. It’s good to fail from time to time so the victory is sweeter.

- Mary on February 14th, 2010

I agree with the points he is making, but disagree with his theory as to why it is happening. My guess is that we know how hard it is to succeed in this world now so we get competitive and try to give our child an edge. An interesting book on the “too much praise” problem is “The Parents We Mean to Be.” The author argues that we focus too much on our children’s happiness at the expense of their moral development. The result is that they always put themselves and their own happiness first without regards to others and the community. Parents basically think, well, as long as my child is happy, then I am happy. But the author argues that we should also want our children to be good, kind people.

- ecl on February 14th, 2010

I am normally not a fan of Jerry. But he’s spot on with this! As a teacher, I feel like I am seeing the ‘gimme gimme’ generation. There is no desire to work for something, no high standard to work towards, no clue how to solve a problem, rewards for mediocrity and an abundance of wants. I feel as if I’m seeing a generation of kids who don’t know how to work or put in the most minimal of effort. I see no personal responsibility from too many kids. No consequences when they do something wrong. No effort to do something better. Man, I sound like an 80 year old woman! Howevwer, he’s absolutely right about these three points.

- Gloria on February 14th, 2010

how annoying of him. If a mom wants to buy her kids a cookie one day then it should be fine. He was quick to judge. It doesn’t mean they won’t eat dinner. Maybe it’s a dessert before dinner night because of some circumstance.

- Reader on February 14th, 2010

I do agree about letting kids do more problem solving. I believe in praise and positive parenting, but not over-praising. I think there is a line, but overall I don’t think that thing alone can equal the ruin of a child.

- Reader on February 14th, 2010

Gloria – I agree! I had the same experience when I was still teaching, a year ago. Granted, my students were the “troubled” type (think, Dangerous Minds), but even still, they seemed to think they were just entitled to praise for doing nothing. That they could coast through school without exerting any effort whatsoever.

I think another problem that happens with the “reward everyone” situation, is that children never learn what they truly excel at. If you tell people that they are “good at everything,” no better or worse than anyone else at anything, you raise a whole generation that has no clue what they should do with themselves. When I was young, I learned right away what I was good at and what a I wasn’t. This has helped me in adulthood, because I can hone in on the things that I excel in, and avoid the things I’m not good at (or work on them to get better, if I like them).

- mrsh on February 14th, 2010

Agree with him! I think the cookie thing was just an example of giving children things they want now to see them smile and be happy while they don’t need it/shouldn’t have it. Of course that woman might’ve had a good reason for the cookies, it might’ve been exceptional, maybe they’d already eaten etc. It’s just an example.

I’m quite happy to see that he’s not the only one aware of the over-praising over-indulging parents there are now. Little by little distinctions, awards etc lose their meaning, because everyone has them anyway. That’s sad and not helpful at all to the kids. They shouldn’t all believe that they are the best, because it’s simply not true.

- Alice on February 14th, 2010

Exactly, Alice! The cookie thing was an EXAMPLE.

I agree with everything Jerry says though.

- Laura on February 14th, 2010

I agree with Jerry.
My sister went through something like this- and although she is an adult you can see the parallels- her work had a competition to see who could create an original poster, and she put in lots of effort and time into her creation. She really went 110%. And she wasn’t alone, lots of others put in a great deal of effort. Well, in the end, her company said it wouldn’t be fair to pick a winner, as it might cause some hurt feelings, and they drew a name out of the hat. The winner was a girl who literally put in 10 minutes of work, and treated the whole competition as a joke.
My sister said she learned her lesson and wouldn’t bother next time.
My point is that praise is great when it is tied to a behaviour or action- saying to a child ‘Your reading is really coming along’ ‘Congrats on getting all the math problems right’ ‘You were very good at talking quietly in the restaurant’- I don’t see as a problem. What is a problem is saying something for the sake of saying it, or heaping praise on all kids regardless of whether they have done anything to deserve it or not.

- Louise on February 14th, 2010

Gloria, as a teacher myself, I wholeheartedly agree with you. Couldn’t have said it better. I am only in my 20′s, but I find this generation of children to be “a whole new ball game.”
As for the posters up in arms about the cookie comment by Seinfeild, I think it’s just a quick anecdote to illustrate a bigger point.

- Aurora on February 14th, 2010

As a teacher, I am sick of kids who think they’re special. They fail and they’re still special because the test was too hard. They’re mean and they’re still special because the other kids started it. Kids forever want me to fix their every problem. So and so looked at me. So and so doesn’t want to be my friend. So and so is breathing too loud. They think they’re just special enough to make the world revolve around them.

Yes, when they’re little, it’s hard not to coo over their every accomplishment, but one day they aren’t cute anymore and no one’s going to be cooing. People do their children a disservice when they praise them constantly and fix all their problems. They want them to be happy children and maybe they are happy as children, but they are completely unprepared for adulthood. I do think many time people are just doing with their kids what they do with themselves. Never take the blame, always take the credit and never tell themselves no.

When my sons succeed, no one is happier than me. When they fail, I don’t blow it off. I help them figure out what THEY did wrong so they can learn. I love my kids enough not to send them into the world as self-indulgent saps.

- Basil on February 14th, 2010

Maybe he’s just mad that the cookie buying mom isn’t home making one of Jessica’s deceptively delicious white bean cookie recipes!!

- Cheryl on February 14th, 2010

Maybe those kids had just had dinner and are getting a treat.

- J on February 14th, 2010

Jerry has really come a long way from his bachelor days. During the “Seinfeld” days, I never imagined him giving parenting advice.

- Something About Baby on February 14th, 2010

“I wouldn’t believe for one moment his children don’t have a perfect childhood. I’ll bet they want for NOTHING and have perfectly well rounded lives, with perfect meals on the table at the perfect time and they are all wearing perfect clothing and go to their perfect bedrooms and they all do it perfectly.”

Money, food and clothing do not equal a perfect childhood. No one has it perfectly.

- asdas on February 14th, 2010

What’s wrong with having dinner at 8 o’clock? I think the average dinner hour varies depending on what part of the country you live in. To me, 5pm is extremely early for dinner.

- asdas on February 14th, 2010

The article really doesn’t go into enough details about the cookie incident for us to make a judgement on it.

- asdas on February 14th, 2010

Uh . . . ick. Ever seen pictures of Jerry’s house (or his cars)? It is pretty hard to take parenting advice like this from someone who overindulges himself. I realize he has worked hard, and I also realize I don’t live with or know the family. Still, I just find the whole thing sanctimonious.

- Karey on February 14th, 2010

I get why some people are cross…I am sure that his children experience much “pleasure” from their priviledged lifestyle that others do not. maybe those kids got a cookie but I bet their mother couldn’t afford a beach house in the Hamptons.But I agree with him actually. In many ways even buying kids lots of little things all the time, like a cookie or a sticker or so on can lead to a sense of entitlement. As for praise, I have always believed in praising the process not the outcome. I also strongly reject the culture of bragging about your kids achievements. I will say how well my daughter listened in gym class but I don’t bore people with how many medals she won…because a0 bragging is noxious and b) it sends a message to kids that winning is all I value…which puts the cart before the horse. If kids try and work they will always improve and thats the most imnportant lesson. You can do anything if you want it enough and are prepared to work for it. This lesson is MOST important for talented children who rarely have to try hard at much when they are little. Anyway, off my soapbox…just good to see anyone, celeb or not thinking hard about HOW they parent.

- moose on February 14th, 2010

You know what bugs me? Everytime I take the kids to the grocery store and the staff is shoving cookies and balloons down my kids throats! I have to politely decline several times to several people in just one visit. And then I look like the bad guy! But honestly I don’t see the need to condition my kids to expect something every time they accompany me to the store!!! I must sound like such a grinch but I feel like it’s so overindulgent and that’s not how I want to raise my kids.

- CC on February 14th, 2010

I completely agree. Talking to your child about the task they accomplished, when they’ve really accomplished something, is a thousand times better than a generic good job every time they blink. I really feel for Lousie’s sister because similar things have happened to my kids. My son was competing in a soccer tournament. His team won every game and he worked his butt off. But in the end, even the kids who didn’t do their best on losing teams got the same reward my son did. He didn’t feel nearly as special after he saw the other kids getting his well deserved award.

On the other two P’s. Desert comes after dinner, no exception, most nights. But one night in the summer, we have ice cream for dinner. Just once. I got the idea of a cute episode of Jon and Kate plus 8. And our children are encourage to solve their problems. When they have a problem with a sibling or someone at school, my husband and I tell them that they need to work it out. However, if it gets out of hand, we intervene.

- Luna on February 14th, 2010

Oh and I wanted to add, that yesterday I was in a store and a child, about 4 or 5 years old, started throwing a fit over wanting some toy and dropped to the floor, kicking and screaming, and what did the parents do? They catered to their screaming child. Instead of disciplining, it was “baby, it’s okay”, “sweetheart, don’t do that, maybe you can get that toy another time” and “honey, it makes mommy sad when you cry”. I thought that was rediculous, and I had to roll my eyes. And to top it off, I think they ended up buying it for him. I seriously don’t know what that kid is going to do in school (he looked close to kindergarten age). I don’t have kids yet, but I know discipline is important and you shouldn’t give in.

- Erika on February 14th, 2010

After this interview, I love Jerry Seinfeld a little bit more, and I liked him a whole lot to begin with. Well said, Jerry.

- Laura on February 14th, 2010

Gloria #15, you are spot on! Thank you to all the teachers who posted in support of Gloria’s comment. This is a huge topic of concern for me in raising my own children. Children seem to be getting more and more self-indulgent and apathetic. It frightens me for what the future holds. I vacillate between wanting to expose my children to the entirety of the public school experience and wanting to shelter them from what I see as an ever more frightening society of youngsters by homeschooling. What is a parent to do when the mainstream is so contrary to the values some of us still hold dear? I wish the best to all those parents still trying to make a go of it the old-fashioned way when it seems to be a steeper climb each passing year.

- MontanaMomma on February 14th, 2010

A lot of you are really missing the forest though the trees here. He was using the cookie story as an EXAMPLE – he wasn’t saying that there aren’t exceptions to everything, but a general observance of how overindulgence is a problem. Seriously, some of you can not see past a simple statement to see an important and valid point.
Also, to specifically Mary and Karey, we have zero idea of how Jerry does or does not indulge his children or how “perfect” their lives are. So what if his house is huge and has a million and one things? These are a reflection of an adult who has worked hard and been successful, he has every right in the world to have whatever he wants (and you obviously know very little about all he does for charity). I am very tired in general of people commenting about how celebrities raise their children, based on a photo or little interview they give. No matter how many times you see someone on TV – you DON’T KNOW THEM! And that extends to knowing how they treat, act towards and raise their children.

- Katie on February 14th, 2010

I love Jessica’s Deceptively Delicious book! Works great on my picky eaters!

- BornFabulousBoutique on February 15th, 2010

I agree with him. Children are very perceptive… if they receive praise for everything they do, it diminishes the value of the words. give them something to strive for!

- fuzibuni on February 15th, 2010

Ugh. Let’s not praise our kids but let’s LIE to them with his wife’s stolen cookbook! Sorry, I refuse to take parenting advice from a family who doesn’t believe in teaching children proper eating habits, but to cater with meals and sneak the veggies in. Anywho, back on subject, there is such a thing as too much praise and as not enough. Helping your children problem solve will teach them to develop those skills, watching lamely while they struggle instead of asking the questions to help them learn will teach them not to come to you with the big things. Seinfeld is a hypocrite, telling his kids too much pleasure is a bad thing, with his Hamptons beach house and luxury cars, while condemning a mother for giving her child a cookie. Maybe it was a post dinner treat? Maybe Jerry should see how many of these poison P’s he has in his own life and lead by example; starting with an apology to the real author of Jessica’s cookbook, whom he belittled on TV for not laying down. (sorry, but as someone who works in media, there is nothing worse than plagarism and I think people who don’t believe in accountability should be talking about anything). End rant. Apologies again.

- Mary-Helen on February 15th, 2010

While I totally agree with most of what Jerry said I think maybe he should hold off on the “raising children to become good adults” comments since his oldest is NINE. You’re not out of the woods yet Jerry!

- Aimee on February 15th, 2010

Ah, Jerry. It’s always easy to parent other people’s kids. I love his audacity to criticize the mom at the next table. There are a million why the kids had cookies at 5:30 PM, none of which make her a bad mother. He knows nothing of that woman’s life (and chances are she doesn’t have a nanny and other staff to help her manage the kids.)

I guess empathy is a gift he is saving for later.

- Jen S on February 15th, 2010

Ok. I know I’ll get snark but….

He says the kids will imitate how you treat others. True, so what is better to imitate…a mom who buys cookies at 5:30 or someone who leaves their first marriage after the honeymoon for someone more wealthy and famous?

- Cheryl on February 15th, 2010

Praise: I feel terribly for the teachers nowadays because not only is everyone expected to get an award (diminishing the importance of awards for those kids who deserve them), parents are now coming in to demand higher grades for their kids, doing their homework for them to assure better grades, then turning around and blaming it on the teachers! As a recent law school grad, I witnessed first hand how today’s 20-year-olds actually expect grade changes to occur – simply on request. It’s madness. You are right to be worried. Jerry (and others) are correct on this one: Praise specific actions, but please do point out from time to time how a child could perform better. This goes hand in hand with teaching problem solving: If your child receives a less than stellar report card, sit down and discuss what that child could do different. Of course discuss it with the teacher firsthand to see what did go wrong, but then, particularly if your child is older, sit down with that child and ask “What do you think went wrong?” It worked wonders with my 12-year-old niece, who is simply, 95% of the time, lazing through her homework. After one too many Cs, her parents sat down with her, explained new rules about doing homework (immediately after school, at the kitchen table, bring all your books home), check the homework as it’s done, require mistakes to be fixed and “miraculously” her grades improved. And we now praise her for checking her own work and for spending what we believe to be an appropriate amount of time trying to figure things out on her own before turning to us for help.

And on to problem solving: You don’t let a kid struggle through something that is clearly impossible for them, or let them continue when the frustration level has reached tears. That’s not teaching them to problem solve; that’s just cruel. I don’t think that’s what Jerry Seinfeld was suggesting. Instead, let kids solve problems that are on their level. Sharing is a good one; hitting each other is another. Taking turns, that kind of thing. Just talk about it. “What do you think we could do about that?” It teaches them to take a step back, consider options, and pick one that works for everyone. If the decision-making goes awry, then step in a bit more.

Pleasure: I think the man understands that he can’t use all his cars at once. In terms of someone like Jerry Seinfeld saying “deny your kid pleasures appropriate,” I still think he has room to talk! For him, though, that means not driving the vintage Astin Martin in the snow even though he really wants to take that one out! Just because he’s wealthy doesn’t mean he gets to have everything he wants all the time. Maybe he forewent a helicopter to get him back and forth from the city to the Hamptons. We don’t know! But I refuse to call him a hypocrite because his ability to pay for his pleasures exceeds mine.

- Jen DC on February 15th, 2010

To Katie, #37 – not sure if you actually read my whole post (#30) – but ummm, I acknowledged pretty clearly that I don’t know the family and that I know Jerry has worked hard for the material things he has. Plus, I am actually well aware of their various charity involvements; but I feel it is quite hypocritical that it was assumed I didn’t . . . just as you are accusing me of assuming I know how the Seinfelds’ live behind closed doors. Everyone on this blog has a right to express their opinion, and I’ll say it again – I find Mr.Seinfeld’s comments sanctimonious.

- Karey on February 16th, 2010

Mary-Helen- Whoa! I think you need to take some deep breaths and calm down. Like other posters have said, the cookie thing was just an EXAMPLE. He was trying to prove a point, and he chose that as an example to help prove it.

As for the cookbook….Correct me if I’m wrong (and I really don’t mean that in a snarky way. I honestly am not 100 percent sure whether or not this was indeed proven!), but I don’t think it’s ever been proven that she copied that other lady’s cookbook. Also, for what it’s worth, I LOVE the idea of her cookbook (I say the idea of it because I’ve never actually read it!).

- CelebBabyLover on February 16th, 2010

the cookie example was just an EXAMPLE! he is a comic after all and has made a name for himself by picking out something small like buying cookies at 5:30 pm and making fun of it. this is jerry seinfeld people! but he does make some good points. everyone is not a winner and sometimes you fail in life. there is nothing wrong with learning at an early age that you will not always be number 1! any school aged child will tell you that somebody makes a 100 on a spelling test and somebody makes a 75. somebody can run faster than your child or do something else better or worse. if you raise your child to always be right and think they are an unbeatable superstar life will eventually deal them a harsh reality. and they become annoying little people with too much power and not much respect for adults and others around them. you should encourage your children in whatever they do and be there for them throughout but reality does not interfer with quality parenting.

- sarah on February 16th, 2010

Jen S and Mary-Helen: spot on, sisters!

LOVE the empathy comment, Jen S, too.

- Manon on February 16th, 2010

Sarah: an EXAMPLE of what?

Whatever EXAMPLE he used it’s just his general superior attitude which offends and his hypocrosy.

- Manon on February 16th, 2010

I don’t know why actors who are parents feel the need to educate the rest of the world on how to be a parent. I do agree with his overall tone of not overindulging children (too many parents I see try to be their child’s friend instead of a parent). Yes the cookie story was not intended to be so literal I’m sure (I’ll give Jerry that), sometimes families eat early and sometimes it’s fun to switch dessert and dinner around for a rare treat. But he does seem to be judging a bit others (perhaps overlooking some of his wife’s less than perfect behaviors, especially dumping her 1st husband as soon as rich Jerry came into her life). I actually love his work on Seinfeld–a big fan…its just as a parent I don’t appreciate the lectures on how to be a parent from someone who is not a child expert–I’ll take advice from a pediatrician maybe not Kramer, George and Jerry.

- Don't take advice from actors on February 16th, 2010

i think not telling your kids good job is a bunch of crap!!!! am i supose to not tell my three year old who is potty training good job??? i am not going to say …oh nice, thats beautiful,or i love it!!! lol if someone does a good job, they deserve praise! otherwise there would be no olympics, no superbowl, no playoffs, no oscars, no golden globes, no grammys, no raises or bonuses at work, no honor roll at school, no cookie badges for girl scouts, ect!

- sheryl on February 16th, 2010

The parents who disagree with this are the same ones who let 8-year-olds have cell phones. I hope there is a huge backlash against spoiling kids with the next generation of parents.

- tulip on February 16th, 2010

The article said that he believes parents dole out praise more often than they should. It did not say that he did not believe in praising children. the truth is that as adults we can recognize that we do not deserve praise for things we should be doing. No one should praise me for being responsible, paying bills, going to work, etc. and I shouldn’t expect it. Well raising children is socializing them to become functional adults. If you teach them their whole life that everything they do is amazing and worthy of praise, they will become entitled adults who believe everything they do is worthy of praise. I don’t believe it’s necessary to praise and reward a child for cleaning their room, behaving in school, helping with dinner, and generally fulfilling their age-appropriate responsibilities as member of a family and of society.

- Lindsey on February 17th, 2010

Also, clearly he was asked about his parenting philosophy and approaches by the interviewer. It is unlikely that he randomly offered up his opinions on the topic. People ask celebrities all sorts of questions that they are not experts on, from politics to relationships, etc. The article says that these are the things that he and his wife swear by. Most people have an opinion on what constitutes appropriate parenting and if given the platform Jerry Seinfeld has and asked the questions as he was, would offer their bent as well. I think it is great that he has at least thought about what he feels is important to instill in his children instead of merely flying by the seat of his pants.

- Lindsey on February 17th, 2010

I agree that parents have too much guilt and that they try to make up for it with too much stuff, too many activities, and too much praise. But I see a difference between praise and heartfelt appreciation, which I encourage to give to their kids. Praise can be overdone to the point that kids don’t know the value of their own good works. They lose their ability to judge their own actions. But with sincere parental heartfelt appreciation, which is a relationship builder, kids learn that their actions affect others in a very positive way. Eventually the appreciation gets imbued into the child, and he or she can feel it for him or herself.

- Parent Coach Tina Feigal on February 17th, 2010

the poison Ps??? oh god, i sense a jerry seinfeld parenting book coming to a bookshop near me soon.

I just don’t get these parenting “philosophies”. Someone actually asked me the other day what my philosophy was and i didn’t know what to say – i just went blank. Surely parenting children is just something that evolves out of the personalities of the individuals involved and their context? Some parents are excitable, emotional and enthusiastic – they are going to praise the living daylights out of their kids and frankly i doubt it is going to do any damage. Other parents are more cautious and logical and these parents are going to dole out accurate, measured feedback at appropriate intervals and frankly i doubt that that is going to do any damage. Some kids will respond brilliantly to praise, which will encourage their parents to use it. Other kids (like my son) couldn’t give two hoots what I or anyone else thinks of his painting provided HE thinks it is great (thus i have 40 pictures of spider man on my fridge – oh joy) so you just kind of give up and offer the odd, off-hand, “you look pretty happy with that spider-man picture tom”.

which is a long-winded way of saying: horses for courses

- katie on February 20th, 2010

Maybe not, Tulip. Just because some don’t agree with Jerry doesn’t mean they are overindulging their kids and spoiling them rotten.

- J on February 22nd, 2010