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Stanley Tucci on Losing Wife: ‘I’m Sad For My Children’

01/09/2010 at 08:00 AM ET
Jennifer Graylock/AP

The emotional fallout of losing a family member is the focus of The Lovely Bones, and it’s a state of being that Stanley Tucci knows all too well.

In a recent interview with NPR, the 49-year-old actor — who portrays serial killer George Harvey in the film adaptation of the bestselling book — opens up about what life has been like since losing wife Kate last year to cancer.

“There’s all the blaming of yourself, which you can’t do, but you kind of do,” he shares, “and I’m just — I’m mostly sad.”

“I’m sad for Kate that she can’t be here, and I’m sad for my children that they didn’t have the opportunity to spend more time with her because she was an extraordinary person.”

Twins Isabel and Nicolo, 9 ½, and Camilla, 7, were never far from Stanley’s mind as he shot the film. “Yes, two of them are daughters, and yes, I was very hesitant to take this role,” he says before adding,

“Not only because of them, but just because I don’t — I’m never — I don’t care to watch movies or read books or see documentaries about serial killers or child molesters or people who are both. I don’t — there’s too much of it around. I think America’s kind of obsessed with it.”

The Lovely Bones is in theaters January 15th.

Source: NPR

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Showing 39 comments

Mary-Helen on

Such a sad story. I lost my father @ the age of 5 and the hurt never goes away. I feel so badly for this poor man and his children.

Emiwho on

This totally made me choke up. You can tell he thought the world of his wife.

JMO on

It’s so sad to lose a parent at any age. All one can do is just keep going and keep her memory alive. I lost my father at 13 but I wasn’t very close with him. It hit my brother pretty hard though for a long time.

on a side note, Stanely Tucci is phenomenold (and very creepy) in this role! He deserves an oscar nomination for sure. It was heart breaking to watch but he did a fantastic job with his character.

Janet on

I was 15 yrs old and my sis was 10 yrs old when we lost our father suddenly. Time is what it takes to ease the pain. Life moves on and since he sounds like a loving dad, the memory of their mom will never be forgotten.

Forever Moore on

He is such an amazing actor and seems like a loving father…all around great man

pia on

i love stanley tucci.. i feel horrible for him and his young family.

Luna on

I feel so bad so the kids and Stanley Tucci. To lose a parent or a partner is a hurt that never heals.

Suzanne on

I’m not so sure about the “all around great man” comment, he left his wife in 2004 to start an affair with Edie Falco then went back to his wife when that relationship ended.

Melanie F. on

That is so sad. Lovely bones is a very good movie and he did a great job in it.

dfgdfgd on

Suzanne, I think I read somewhere that he and his wife were separated for a long time and that he went back to her when he found out she was dying. I’m sure he was sad, though, as she is the mother of his children.

Angi on

Suzanne, the man made a mistake. He and his children are grieving. I think maybe that comment was unnecessary.

Douglas Fugate on

I just heard Stanley Tucci’s comments on NPR regarding the death of his wife. My wife also has advanced cancer and is currently in a clinical trial. Mr. Tucci mentioned that he is sad in part because he learned too late of some alternative treatments that may have saved her life. I would very much like to know what the alternative treatments are.
Thanks very much for your help.

Forever Moore on

Suzanne, ever heard about thou shall not judge?

Em on

That is so incredibly sad. :-(

Ana on

I really feel for his children, it must be so hard growing up without a mother, it saddens me just to think about anyone in that situation.

It makes me thankful that although i may not have all the material things celebrities are priveledged with, i am by far one of the luckiest people because i have my health and so does my family, so infact i am very rich.

I hope he and his children find strength from each other and some how get through this tough time and i believe their mother is an angel watching over them.

Mallory on

I lost my dad right after my 7th birthday to leukemia, and my heart breaks all over again when I hear of young children who have to deal with this kind of pain. However, it seems like Stanley Tucci is a loving father who will keep his wife’s memory alive, and that’s all you can ask for in a situation like this.

Lily on

I didn’t know he lost his wife. How sad! He’s a great actor, he’s come out in so many films. The first year or two are really tough. It will take him and his family time to feel a little better. May God bless them and may his wife be at peace now. Cancer is tough.

Emaline on

I hadn’t heard about him losing his wife and that makes me so sad. I’d love to see pics of the kiddos. I’m kind of confused that he didn’t say why he did decide to take the roll.

Liliana on

I completely sympathize with Stanley and his children.

My eldest son lost his father before he was born. What saddened me most was that my son would never meet his father and my boyfriend would never get the opportunity to bond with his son.

I wish Stanley and his children nothing but the best in the upcoming years. Hopefully the memories of their wife and mother will comfort them during the hard times.

As for the movie, I’ve read the book and look forward to seeing it.

lisa on

god!I lost my mother almost four years ago, two weeks befor my 15th birthday. I rememeber how sad my dad was at thess days (I never sew him like that). that was too hard for him to look at us in the eyes, he felt so much pain that we need to grow up from now on without a mother. that still hurts him….
this articl just remaind me this….

JM on

it really doesn’t matter whether he left his wife at some point in the marriage and then he came back. the point is that there are now 3 very young children who no longer have a mother. it also has to be tough for him because he’s also grieving but he has to comfort these children as well…..sad situation all around.

Carrie Jo on

Wow, I can imagine how tough taking that role must have been. I haven’t seen the movie yet, but hear that all the actors did wonderful jobs. In some ways I think he is right about America’s obsession with serial killers, kidnappings, etc. That’s part of my hesitation in seeing the movie despite the great reviews it has gotten.

I’m so sorry for the loss of his wife, though. Having to deal with his own grief as well as helping his kids deal with their grief has got to be one of the most difficult jobs as a parent.

All Women Stalker on

Wow, this is sad. But inspiring, too. He seems well-spoken. Unfortunately, I’ve not seen the movie.

Alex on

That’s so sad. No child should grow up without a parents (especially a mother). I’m sure it will be years before the kids get over it, if ever.

Katharine on

On today’s NPR broadcast, I heard Mr. Tucci say that he would like to help others with the knowledge he now has about cancer treatments. I and many others would like to benefit from his knowledge. If he happens to see these comments and decides to write something on his wife’s experiences with medical treatment, I’d very much like to know about it. In the mean time, I wish him and his children the very best in the future.

Niko on

Wow, I had no clue Stanley lost his wife. What a sad thing to hear. My heart goes out to him. Poor guy:-(

Something About Baby on

So sad for all of them. Stanley is such an accomplished actor and seems like a such a nice man. He was probably a wonderful husband and is good father.

dfgdfgd on

“That’s so sad. No child should grow up without a parents (especially a mother).”

Alex, it breaks my heart to hear of a child growing up without one or both of their parents as well, but “especially a mother” makes it sound like you think it’s sadder when someone loses their mother than when they lose their father. It’s just as sad either way. Fathers are just as valuable as mothers.

FLMom on

God bless him. What a tremendous loss. He is a consummate professional, just trying to be a good provider, a good father and still deal with his grief. The book The Lovely Bones is an incredible read, even though it does deal with some very distasteful subject matters. I hope the movie does the book justice, but I’m sure Stanley did a phenomenal job stepping outside the box to play someone who is so far removed from his true character. I know that must have been incredibly difficult, but just further attests to the fact that he is a gifted actor. God be with you, Stanley, and your precious children.

Janna on

dfgdfgd: I think that may for a majority* of people, when children are young may be emotionally closer to their mother, especially if she’s a stay-at-home Mom. That’s probably all Alex meant.

*Notice I said a majority, not ALL.

MEG on

I think Mr.Tucci is an awesome actor. I’m sorry for his loss.
Loosing your mate is not something one gets over and for a child to
loose a mother, I Know, is something you never ever get over you keep the feeling to yourself. Those children will be on my prayer list. God Bless the Tucci family.

dfgdfgd on

Janna, I understand that, but nevertheless, I felt the comment undermined the sadness that people feel when they lose their fathers. It’s sad either way when a child loses a parent, no matter the se of that parent.

Stefania on

Stanley Tucci’ career is really taking off, but now that his children are without a mother, well, he’s got to really sacrifice his career to some degree. After all I think being a father is the most important role a man has on this earth, and one that he will be accountable for.

Lindsey on

OMG Suzanne, think that comment was a bit harsh. Have you never made a mistake? Let he without sin cast the first stone.

My condolences to Mr Tucci and his three children. Very sad.

Sarah on

Losing Kate has been very hard on our family. I know that I have noticed a change in my grandmother’s faith because all the praying we did for Kate over the years in the end was not enough to save her. Kate truly gave cancer everything she had, and fought it to the very end – an inspiration to us all. No matter what may have happened in their past, the family stood beind her, as did he, and we were with her until the very end (Hear that Suzanne?!?). Stanley is doing everything he can to help the kids, but obviously it is very hard.

Katharine – she tried everything and anything. We’re talking stem cells, travelling for new treatments in foreign countries, the whole nine yards.

Missing Mom in Miami on

I lost my Mother 5/27/09 due to complications from having diabetes for at least 40 years. I knew that one day we would part and I thought that I would be able to deal with it and keep her alive within me. Well, it is much more painful than I could have ever imagined. I was 42 years old when she died and I am in as much grief now as I was the night she died. Everyone else has put it away but I can’t let go. I have no missing pieces I just was so close the her being the youngest and the only daughter she had she was the center of my world. The pain is sometimes unbearable and I hope in time it will get easier but for today it is not. Hang in there Stanley, there are those of use who understand. Take extra special care of your girls, they are going to need you forever.

Ashley L. P. on

Hi, all. I’ve been reading through the comments here and just want to say a few things. Firstly, to Stanley or any of Kate’s family, I want to offer my sincere condolences. I believe it’s been around a year since she passed away but I’m sure the pain hasn’t significantly dissipated. I don’t know the family but I know what it is to lose someone close to you and that pain never goes away completely. It’s a day to day thing and as time goes on the good days will outweigh the bad. Secondly, how dare ANYONE mention his indiscretion with Ms. Falco. It’s none of your/our business. Period. It happened, it’s over, leave it be. And thirdly, to Stanley, your fans love you and wish you all the best in the coming years. And we wish much happiness to you and your family for always. Namaste.

Jaislinn on

I lost my dad wen I was 10 and I lost my mom wen I was 17..I’m 20 now it hurt alot..I miss them so much..I feel so lonely I dnt have nobody I been leaving from house to house until know..they say time make it easy but not to me

livininin on

Jaislinn, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your parents. I can’t imagine how awful that must feel for you, especially at such a young age. Please be strong. Make good choices in your life the best you can and you’ll come out allright. There are people out there who care, you just may have to make some effort to find them.

Do you do any volunteer work? I know you’re young and probably very busy, but getting involved with a group of people who are willing to help others might be a good thing for you. It will make you feel good to help others and it might be a good way to meet some supportive people. There are places where you can find some counseling as well.

I wish you the best, sweetie.

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