Christina Aguilera Tells Moms: 'You're Still You'

Ellen von Unwerth

Telling the November issue of Cosmopolitan UK that people should never be “ashamed…of their sexuality,” Christina Aguilera won’t be caught singing different tune now that she’s a mom to son Max Liron, 21 months.

“I love to embrace it — there’s such a sense of freedom in it,” the 28-year-old songstress says. Urging other new moms to keep a “strong sense of yourself,” Christina adds,

“You’re still you, and you can still be confident in your sexuality.”

Motherhood hasn’t changed the trajectory of her career, either. “I’d never give up my musical or artistic side just to be a mother,” Christina explains. “There’s got to be a balance and I want to set that example –- as the kind of woman I want my son to respect.”

Max is Christina’s first child with husband Jordan Bratman, whom she wed in November 2005.

Source: Cosmopolitan UK, November issue

– Missy

Comments

I’m quite sure she didn’t mean it to sound this way but “JUST to be a mother”….doesn’t sound the best imo

- april on October 14th, 2009

I think people are going to take it the wrong way, but I think the point Christina is trying to get across is a good one.
Love Christina!

- Micheley on October 14th, 2009

I can see where that may have come out wrong, but I can see where this is going to upset some people, especially mother’s who gladly gave up their careers to be mothers.

- Becky on October 14th, 2009

yes I agree the point she is attempting to make is a great one…but it’s very hard not to lose yourself I think….at least it was/is for me…as hard as it is I think you should not lose your sense of self…

- april on October 14th, 2009

I agree with her point. People seem to go crazy with the phrase “just…”. I was pleasantly surprised how much of me stayed me after I became a mother. I am still me. And I know that it benefits my daughter for me to be a full person.

- l's mom on October 14th, 2009

I love Christina, she’s not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking.

I don’t think she meant she didn’t want to “just” be a mother, she is making a very good point. Moms need to be more than just moms, whether it be to have a hobby or a career. Moms need to remember they were people before their kids came and someday they will be grown and on their own and during those moments where they are asleep or @ school, to find something to help them stay connected to themselves. It’s not a bad thing to want to be yourself and a mother.

- Mary-Helen on October 14th, 2009

lol, I don’t think Christina Aguilera can do an interview without discussing “sexuality”

- SadieA on October 14th, 2009

I’m glad she brought up the point. Being a mother doesn’t mean you’re no longer you. It just means you have a new facet to your self. When I became a mother, I absolutely embraced it but I made a promise to myself not to lose myself in motherhood and retain a sense of self emotionally, physically, romantically and sexually with my husband. It’s hard, but it’s important. Being a mother isn’t the only aspect of our lives.

- Robyn on October 14th, 2009

I like what she’s saying. She is definitely not being disrespectful to mothers who gave up their career. She says don’t give yourself up just (yes, JUST) to be a mother. Giving up your job to be able to have more time to care for your kids doesn’t mean you give up everything, doesn’t mean you stop having me time or hobbies and become nothing but a mom.
Of course for her it’s her job but she is a singer, her career IS her hobby and passion, it’s what she likes to do and makes her who she is.

- Alice on October 14th, 2009

Can’t she teach her son to respect all types of women?

- Emily on October 14th, 2009

I’m sure I’m going to get slammed for this, but I think there’s a difference between embracing your sexuality and just being juvenile. When you have kids, you need to grow up. I’m not saying you can’t be sexy at all, but you shouldn’t be so overt with the sexuality. Trying being sexy in a more subtle way. I’m sure Christina is a good mother, I just really disagree with her on this subject.

- K. on October 14th, 2009

I agree completeley with the statement.

I’m not slamming you, K. In my opinion, though, there’s nothing juvenile or wrong about being confident in one’s sexuality. It’s about knowing who you are and embracing yourself for it. I don’t think she’s overtly sexual at all. In the past, I think she equated sexuality with minimal amounts of clothing, etc., but since getting married and having Max, she’s found a great balance of sexuality.

Emily, I never got the impression from the article that she’d teach Max to respect women like her but treat all others terribly.

- Liliana on October 14th, 2009

Well sure…but I also think there are lots of parents (mothers and fathers) that keep too much of themselves. For lots of people these days parenting is essentially a weekend activity. I don’t think thats a balance at all, and children are suffering. Not implying this is the case for Christina though…I don’t know her situation at all. I mean why not pop them all in boarding school at age 5 so they can “admire” your fabulousness even more…

- loopsy on October 14th, 2009

I’m sure it also helps to stay yourself when you have nannies etc. helping out and giving you lots of free time to actually “be yourself”. For those of us who don’t have that privilege and have husbands who work long hours, our lives take a backseat for the time being.

- Tilly on October 14th, 2009

maybe you should have thought about all that after you had the first or even second kid…YOU are the one who keeps getting pregnant. You either do it and don’t complain or don’t do it.

- Holly on October 14th, 2009

Holly, I’m not sure if that comment was intended for me?? Never in my post did I say I regret having my son…yes, he is my ONE and ONLY and is the BEST thing that has ever happened in my life!!!!!! Maybe you shouldn’t read into other people’s posts and automatically assume the worst.

My point was that it would be nice to have some help around the house to have some time to myself once in awhile. I’m sure most moms would agree with that statement. We aren’t all so lucky to be rich and have nannies, or even extra cash to pay for a babysitter.

I would rather be the kind of mother I am, and not have much time to myself, to make sure that my son gets all of the help, attention etc that he needs. There is plenty of time for me later, which is why I said that my life “takes a backseat for the time being.”

- Tilly on October 14th, 2009

Tilly, I knew exactly what you were trying to say and agree completely. With no nanny or sitter you are a mom 24/7 and “me time” is scarce if at all.

Holly-you are RUDE.

- the other holly on October 14th, 2009

I agree with Christina 100%. There is no way on Earth I could be the best mom to my brood if I wasn’t the best me to myself that I could be, which includes not losing myself and taking small moments to just enjoy me. Of course, overall my number one priority is my family and the well being of my kids. However, I do not let my kids consume every part of my being. Just as my mom found a good balance and stressed the importance for each individual to find time to give into themselves including parents, I try my best to do the same. Time to explore and enjoy oneself is different for each person. For one it could be 15 min, for another a few hours. The key is to remember that being a mother includes being who you are and to find that time to enjoy yourself.

- lizzielui on October 14th, 2009

It’s really easy to stay in touch with the real “you” when you’re a millionaire and have nannies at your beck and call. Throw in bills you can’t pay, child care that costs more than the national deficit, and two parents working their butts off just trying to get by and you’d be shocked at how fast the “real you” gets lost and shuffled to the side.

- Mae on October 14th, 2009

i think it was a good interview, but every single time she talks its about sex… :S

- Tina. on October 14th, 2009

Mae- you took the words right out of my mouth! If I had the money to pay nannies to watch my kids so I could have some “me” time, I’d probably feel a whole lot sexier too!

- urbanadventurertales on October 14th, 2009

I respect what she is and wants to keep being, but saying that “she wants to set the example as the kind of woman she wants her son to respect” is insulting to Stay At Home Mums who do a great and very difficult job and deserve to be respected from men as much as working mothers!

- Zoe on October 14th, 2009

Some of the comments seem defensive and resentful because of the privileges Christina has, which is kind of odd considering this is celebrity-centered site. These people make millions, travel around the world, and lead different lives, I don’t understand why there those who have to lament that. Jealousy, perhaps? Or offense because of the “just a mother” comment?

- Jimena on October 14th, 2009

I think the “me” time being referenced is taken a bit out of context. I hardly think any mother, stay at home or working, has the time to go to the spa or lounge around on a daily basis. What’s important is being able to take a step back and allowing yourself to breathe. For some, that might mean taking 15 minutes out of their day to catch up on some reading. Others might get a manicure once a week.

Regardless, it does not make a person a bad parent.

- Liliana on October 14th, 2009

I guess it is a good topic for discussion especially after reading the different comments. I haven’t read the article, only the little pieces from above and I take no offense to “keeping a strong sense of yourself”, having a balance of career and being a mother and being someone your child can respect. In my professional women’s resource group, the balancing of work life and home is widely addressed. I’ve read other blogs addressing similar issues. Love Christina, the subject is not new, but I also agree with SadieA.

- nonsinger3 on October 14th, 2009

I am a stay at home mom, one who didnt give up a career to do so. I went to college and never worked a day after I graduated, became a stay at home mom from the day I got my postivie pregnancy test. For ME, and I hope I’m not too brutalized over this, I feel that my kids are only little once. I do plan to go to work- someday. Maybe when the kids are both in full time school.

My point is I think we all need to be the kind of mom WE envision for ourselves! If she thinks she needs to balance work/herself/kids/husband all equally, great. I dont. I have the whole rest of my life to devote to me. Right now its all about them, and my husband is fine with that because he feels the same. And if I died in a car wreck tomorrow I’d be happy with what I did and not worry in the least about what I supposedly didnt accomplish. BUT(!) that is ME! That is not to say someone who chose a different path as a mother is wrong. I really dont think that. Nearly all kids turn out just fine so either choice, and anything in between, must generally be an ok one for the entire family.

The womens’ movement was about CHOICE. I was given the choice to work or stay at home, when millions of women before me werent. I’m sure she’s a fine mother. In pics, when she looks at him it seems obvious enough she loves him dearly. As I do mine. We all can only do our best and what we think is right- and if you do you are a great mom for it!

- am581 on October 15th, 2009

I’m a SAHM and I didn’t take any offense at her statements. I think she’s making a valid point, even if I come at the situation from a slightly different vantage point… As for myself, I’m not interested in revealing quite as much of my body as Cristina is (when I am out and about- at home it’s a different story!), but I don’t want to lose my sense of being a woman and a person. Still trying to find that line, and it’s frankly a little difficult in our society. Or maybe it’s just difficult period? Maybe this is one of the things that gives life texture…

- Stella Bella on October 15th, 2009

Tilly, i totally agree with you.

@ Holly: “maybe you should have thought about all that after you had the first or even second kid…YOU are the one who keeps getting pregnant. You either do it and don’t complain or don’t do it.”

are you joking???? you are really rude…your comment shouldn’t be posted.
I have two wonderful daughters and yes, sometimes i would love to have “me time” but i can’t, and it doesn’t matter because I CHOSE to be a full time mom and is the best “job” of the world, for me.
As somebody said before, later I will have lot’s of free time, when my two babies will be at school, now i have a 5 months old baby to take care of at home.
Maybe Holly you are not a mom? because if you are, then your comment is worse, JMO.

- sil on October 15th, 2009

@ am581- I LOVE your comment! Beautifully articulated and thoughtfully put! Totally agree and as a former SAHM, I’m not in the least offended by Christina’s POV. However, now that I’m working full time and Sofia’s about to enter school, I know that if I had another child, I’d be right back at home: at least for a few years. Those moments are precious and as am581 said, your children are only young once. I’d want to give baby #2 the same attention I was able to give Sofia.

That said, while I do feel Holly could’ve worded her point better, there is something to be said about women who have children and then complain about no longer having time/money/social life. Kinda tough: those are things you have to consider before you accept responsibility for another life.

@Jimena, you hit the nail on the head! @Mae: while I have my good days and my bad days, I’m certainly not going to be naive enough to go on a celebrity-focused site and then whine b/c I don’t have the resources they do or point fingers b/c they seem out of touch. THEY ARE OUT OF TOUCH WITH YOUR LIFE/DAILY CONCERNS! They’re making millions of dollars more than you. Try to take a step back and keep things in perspective. You may find yourself trying to considering from THEIR point of view; their lives look glamorous by comparison, but do you really want the problems that also appear to come with it?

- Morgan on October 15th, 2009

Actually, the women’s movement was about EQUALITY. We’re not there yet.

- Lara on October 15th, 2009

I completely agee with Holly. Perhaps, some of you should been more selective about whom you married. You don’t need to have a nanny to be able to have time to yourself. Husbands (or partners) helped create the children and should be able to support you in raising them. If you decided to have children even though you would not have the support (family, husband, friends) that would be necessary to have your own life, apart from your kids, then that’s your fault. You should not begrudge Christina or other women for having adequate support.

- Annie on October 15th, 2009

I agree with Annie about selectivity being a problem. Many women get stuck with the “second shift” because they marry and have children with men who aren’t willing to do half of the chores and childcare. No matter how cute, sweet, and wonderful a guy is, if he doesn’t know how to cook, clean, and do laundry he’s not worth marrying. Ideally, live with him for a year before marrying, to make sure he does his half of the chores.

- Lara on October 15th, 2009

am581, if only everyone had your positive attitude to motherhood. your post was lovely. i hate that so many people view being a SAHM mum as second best, like either you couldn’t handle a career and kids or that you have somehow sacrificed something. i feel i am the luckiest person in the world that i get to spend so much time with my kids. i am doubly lucky because i can work from home but it is entirely up to me when and how much. usually if my kids are in the house and my husband isn’t, it’s pretty safe to say i am not working but taking care of them instead.

this is the method that works for us and it is an individual choice. i don’t judge anyone else for choosing differently at all, you have to do what works for you.

i agree that your kids are only young for such a short time and my mum stayed at home and took care of us and i am so grateful that she did. and she told me later that she loved it and would not have traded it, not for one minute did she wish could have shared that time with a job. she did work when we went to school. but until i was about 15 she was still there every day when i came home from school and on most days after that.

every family has to find their own method and their own routine. just love your kids and let them know that they are loved.

- JM on October 15th, 2009

she is a new mom. I’m a mother to a 17th month old daughter, and it always kind of urks me when new moms with ONE small child try to give advice. I’m sorry but while she isn’t offering bad advice, she hasn’t even gotten into the thick of it yet!! Early childhood from what experienced moms with adult children have told me, is the most blissful and loveliest time you will ever have with your child. And I am finding it to be so myself. Yes motherhood is work from day 1, but it always grinds my gears when new moms who haven’t experienced it all yet, try to give what they feel is sage advice.

- gaias mom on October 15th, 2009

I dont understand why people get so offended or upset when she talks about sex. Her and her husband are young and in love. Sex plays a big part in having a healthy relationship. Shes a good mother. She not always in the media having melt downs or embarassing herself or her family. She a smart business woman with a good head or her shoulders. I dont see what the fuss is about. If you care that much. DONT READ THE ARTICLES!!!!

- Cat on October 15th, 2009

First of all, I think she used “just” in the sense of “only”, second of all, I don’t think that she is saying anything controversial, it’s just common sense. Keeping in touch with yourself is not a question of working versus stay at home moms, it’s not a question about nannies and outside help. It’s a question of remembering who you are (after all, that’s the person your husband hopefully fell in love with) and to cherish it. Be it taking a bath, sitting down in peace to drink a cup of tea or coffee, to read a book you enjoy, to even just for five minutes a day, take some time to do something you used to enjoy before you became a mother. If you are a stay at home mom with kids who don’t nap anymore, create a quiet time for all of you, they’ll warm up to the idea even if they might protest in the beginning, a friend of mine goes to the flea market every saturday morning (sans kids, she is happily married), another went to a study group one evening a week and a third went for a walk with her daugher(s) in the stroller every evening whether her husband was there or not because it made her relax (and thus made her a better mother). Her oldest daughter hated her stroller but loved cellphones, so she had an old cellphone that the daughter was only allowed to use in the stroller. It should be possible for you to do if you have a husband/partner, even the single mothers I know make an effort to make time for themselves at least once every other week or so, two single mothers I know made a deal to look after each others children once a week to give the other mother some time to reconnect to herself. Most of you have friends and family around you, don’t you? To stay connected to who you are makes you feel better of yourself, and thus a better mother and partner. I don’t say that being a mother can’t fulfill you (it is one of the hardest and most fulfilling job in the world), but your kids might actually think it’s cool that their mother runs marathons (maybe even together with them) and by taking a class to learn something you have always wanted to learn or study something that enriches your life, you can teach your children the joy of learning. You are not raising your children only to become mothers and fathers, you are raising them to become adults with a sense of and a pride in theirself, and you owe it to them to have a sense of and pride in yourself that doesn’t only center around them (that is a very heavy burden for a child to carry).

Staying in touch with yourself doesn’t have to cost anything, but it will give you, your partner/husband and your children a lot.

- MiB on October 16th, 2009

Just because a lot of moms cant afford nannies it doesn’t mean that you cant embrace your womanhood.

Get a sitter for a night, take off with your hubby and do something fun. Get your parents/family members or close friends to watch your child(ren) for a weekend and book a hotel room and have a romantic getaway with your partner.

So all the moms on here complaining that because they dont have a nanny they cant find me time. Sorry but that excuse doesn’t fly. If you can make time to do other things in your life and cater to other people, you should try putting yourself first sometimes.

People think that because celebrity moms have money, they couldn’t possibly know what its like to stay home with their kids all day etc. and while that may be true I am sure that there are some who would give anything to be able to sit at home and be with their kids 24/7. Lets not be too quick to judge because money doesn’t mean anything when it comes to maintaining your sense of self or your sexuality.

Dont do it for your partners, do it for you. In my opinion thats the message I got from her statement. To each their own but dont complain that you have no nanny so you cant do it. You can’t do things because you already ingrained it in your psyche that you cant….therefore blocking your ability to be able to look outside the box and create time for you!!!!

- Dee on October 16th, 2009

I’m glad she’s talking about this. A lot of first time mother’s don’t realize how all consuming taking care of a child can be. It took me a long time to realize that I’m still me, I still have the same interests and it shouldn’t be about the kids 24/7 I need to make time for myself and not feel guilty about it. I think it could have been worded differently but I totally get what she is saying…I’m more than just a mom, I’m a woman, a wife, sister, daughter and friend. I think too many of us spend our time taking care of everyone else we need to take time to take care of ourselves….either taking a walk, doing something that you love. It doesn’t have to cost anything or a lot.

- momoftwo on October 16th, 2009

Why does everyone assume she has a team of 100 nannies to help give her me time? Perhaps her HUSBAND actually helps her!

Jordan is a record executive, he probably keeps regular nine to five hours and maybe he takes Max for an hour to have that “Me time” that she enjoys. Her recording studio is in her house, so she could balance recording and being with Max and I know my kids go to bed eventually, so I’m guessing celeb kids do too and perhaps that’s when Christina has her own time.

I just think it’s unfair that whenever a celebrity mom mentions wanting that time for herself, everyone says “Well if I had 40 nannies…”. Meanwhile I know I have time to myself once in awhile because my husband helps and sometimes my girls see their grandparents for the day. ITA with the posters who say you don’t need a nanny to have me time.

- Mary-Helen on October 17th, 2009

I don’t think Christina is refering to mothers who work or not. I think she is refering to those mothers that don’t make an effort to still look pretty and take care of themselves after they have a child (I know this can be hard to do). I think she is trying to say that there is nothing wrong with making you time, like to go to the gym when you can, or get your hair done when you can, or buy a nice dress and get all done up to go have dinner with your spouse.
Sometimes women don’t know how to find a balance after the life changing event of having a child and they let go of themselves. This is not all women but it does happen. She is trying to say don’t feel guilty about making time to look nice and still take care of yourself. I hope I explained myself correctly. But I get exactly where she is coming from.

- LaLA on October 19th, 2009

She’s not the first person to ever say that mothers should have “Me Time” I was told that more then people trying to touch my bump when I was pregnant with my first.
I have chosen to stay at home for the early years, but I keep myself educated in my field so that when I’m ready to go back I haven’t been left behind. Once her unborn brother or sister is in school full time I’ll be back in the work force!! Or I might go back to school for something else?!? Who knows? Obama has a great program going on to get stay at home moms back to work once their kiddies have gone!!

- lisa on October 20th, 2009