Courtesy Vogue |
It’s been close to two years since the death of actor Heath Ledger, time which Michelle Williams has spent coping with the immense grief that comes with her former fiancé’s passing.
Dodging the unsolicited media attention, the actress and her daughter Matilda Rose, who turns 4 next month, have spent time in both Brooklyn and upstate New York, as Michelle slowly comes to terms with her “boundaries” for the outside world.
“I can talk about grief, because that’s mine; about single parenting; about trying to balance work and kids,” she reveals in the October issue of Vogue. “But what I don’t have to talk about is what happened between Heath and me in our relationship.”
Staying true to her word, Michelle is open about her day-to-day struggles as she seeks peace while raising Matilda as a single mother. In the months following the couple’s split and Heath’s subsequent passing, a “seriously distracted” Michelle was left to cope with the pain each day. “[I would] cry, nap, sit and stare, try to figure out what to make [Matilda] for dinner, talk to friends on the phone,” she admits. “I was holding it together by a string and a paper clip in the fall and winter. I didn’t know if I could keep it all together.”
Relying heavily on her close friends and family, Michelle can remember the moment she finally caught a glimpse of light at the end of the dark tunnel. “Women and kids really got us through the winter. One got me gardening in the spring, and that’s when it started to turn around,” she says. “I remember being on my hands and knees. The ground was cold and muddy. I pushed back the dead leaves and saw the bright green shoots of spring.” For Michelle, the new life that had sprung up served as a personal reminder.
“Under all this decay something was growing. Caring for the garden reminded me to care for myself.”
In addition to her new found love of gardening, Michelle sought solace in The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion‘s memoir of her journey through the loss of her husband and daughter in the same year. “You console yourself by saying it’s all a deepening process. After the first year, the pain is less intense; it’s less immediate,” Michelle explains.
Fortunately for the actress, a constant memory of Heath is never far, as the couple’s daughter Matilda is the spitting-image of her late father.
“But every time I really miss him and wonder where he’s gone, I just look at her.”
Click below to read about how Michelle explains the public’s interest to Matilda.
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