Sound Off! Did You Have Help After Giving Birth?

Once you welcome your little ones into the world, life totally changes. Free time becomes non-existent, and me time even more rare. So how did you cope?

Celebrity moms like Marcia Cross and Heidi Klum have come under the microscope lately for employing multiple nannies, but we know nannies are a great solution for many parents who need them — and can afford them. Same goes for babysitters, and even family and family friends. As a new parent, sometimes you want to take all the help you can get!

So here’s your chance to Sound Off! Tell us if you had help after giving birth.

Comments

For the most part NO. There were times during my second daughter’s initial birth that I did have help from my Mother-in-law and was greatful when she would come in and take the 6 am feedings to allow me to have sleep. I think I’ll mostly be going solo on the third as well.
A.J.

- *AJ* on August 11th, 2009

I went home the day after and I had my husband’s help.

- Cynthia Gerhardt on August 11th, 2009

When my oldest was born (almost 5yr ago), my mother packed her bags and moved in with me for an entire week. We hadn’t discussed it prior to the birth, but to say that it was helpful would be an understatement. I had a really difficult time nursing and had no clue what to expect. Her patience and understanding proved invaluable! All my meals were homemade from scratch. Nothing beats mom’s home cooking, huh? By the time I had #2, I had pretty much figured things out by then. Routine feedings, sleep schedule, dr.appts, etc. Nothing can prepare you for motherhood like your own mother!

- Laurel on August 11th, 2009

During the nights, it was just me and my partner and sometimes I wonder how we coped. It felt like we were surviving on 2 hours sleep a night for the first few months until our boy settled down. My partner is self-employed and so he went back to work within about 4 weeks. But we always had proud grandparents and aunties popping over to see me and my son in the day and it was at those times I would gladly snatch an hours sleep, knowing that he was in safe hands.

As difficult as it was at the time, I wouldn’t do it any differently. In fact, I hope to be doing it again in the next year maybe! But having said that, I wouldn’t judge anyone who opted to employ help. I can see it’s benefits for sure and each family must do what is right for them.

- Amanda on August 11th, 2009

Ha! Did I have help from a nanny? I didn’t even have help from friends and family. They all seemed to disappear which really hurt me and something that upsets me to this day. My husband’s family didn’t come to the hospital or to the house, it was more like ‘we’ll see you when we see you’, no meals were brought over, no help with laundry, NOTHING. My husband and I did it all by ourselves and it was hard. Can you tell I’m bitter?

#I wouldn’t hire a nanny if I had all the money in the world.

- Asha on August 11th, 2009

No, we had no help to speak of, and we preferred it that way. I’m expecting our fourth baby, we have boys who are 5, 4, and 2, and no plans to have anyone help out when the new baby arrives. We are lucky, however, that my husband works from home the two days a week that I go into work, so we don’t technically REQUIRE daycare. When I had my third, I had to go back to work immediately. My first night of work, our son was 4 days old, my husband was an old pro by this time, with the new babe in the sling, the two toddlers running around, and he had friends over for a dinner party to boot.

I would love to have a cleaning lady, but we have ZERO interest in having a nanny. While it would be “nice” to pawn the kids off on someone else, they don’t really “bother” us so much that we want someone else caring for them all the time. We’re perfectly capable of doing it ourselves and with some planning and organization, we don’t find it overwhelming.

- Carrie on August 11th, 2009

I have five (that includes a set of twins #4 and #5), and I had no help EXCEPT for a week after the twins were born due to the fact I’d been hospitalized, had a transfusion and the babies were in NICU. We had to have someone watch the older kids while we were back and forth from the NICU.

I could care less if someone else has help. I prefer not to myself for many reasons: gaining a sense of confidence/independence, not having someone else in the house to contend with other “philosophies”, and being able to completely relax and do what we want.

What I can’t stand is people who try to look like it’s all perfect and easy for them (while they try to hide the fact they have a nanny or two and housekeepers). Too many celebrities come across like they don’t have to lift a finger around the house and can enjoy jetting back and forth from the shopping & lunching district without worries. New “regular” parents need not compare themselves to these “privileged” celebrities.

Celebrities want to come across as normal parents, but when someone has the monetary resources to hire all this help, they are NOT experiencing the same thing a “regular” parent is, so I wish they’d quit acting like they know what it’s like. Quite frankly, no situation is better than the other. It’s just different, and well, no situation is exactly the same. It’s just that celebrity parents can’t commiserate with us completely, and we can’t commiserate with them completely.

Sometimes, it feels like celebrity parents are animals in a zoo, and we’re just having fun gawking at them.

- Bitsy on August 11th, 2009

Nope. I was basically on my own. My husband owns his own business so he literally dropped me and our daughter off at home, from the hospital. His family lives overseas and my family, well don’t get me started.

- Lacey on August 11th, 2009

Asha-I know the feeling. I had a severe PPD, because of it.

- Lacey on August 11th, 2009

No we’ve had no help and would never have a nanny no matter how much money we had. Why have kids and then have someone else do the majority of looking after them? It baffles me.

- Ruby on August 11th, 2009

Nope, I didn’t have help. Not even really from my husband. It was very hard and upsetting.

- Finais on August 11th, 2009

My husband took 2 weeks of leave from work after our daughter was born. She had difficulty maintaining her oxygen levels and had jaunice so we had to keep a close eye on her. After he returned to work my mother and grandmother took turns helping out. I think anyone who is offered help should take it in the first month or so, especially first-time moms. You don’t know how tough it can be until you’re experiencing it. I’m pregnant with our 2nd, a boy, now and we’ve already had friends offer to help, as my husband can’t take off as much this time around. I think it is completely up to the parents and there’s no shame in getting help, whether it be the free kind or employing someone!

- Jeanie on August 11th, 2009

With my first son, I had my husband there for literally the first 12 hours. He works on an oil rig, and they could care less if he had just become a father! He had to go back to work for 3 weeks and I was on my own. To tell you the truth though it was ok, I had a chance to get into a routine with my son and by the time my hubby came back we were in a nice ‘rut’!
With son 2 we were lucky as my hubby had just come back from the rig and was home for 4 weeks. I went into labour on his second day home. It was nice to have him here mostly just to keep my older boy occupied.
As for having a nanny- can’t afford that! But I don’t judge anyone who does- to each their own.

- Louise on August 11th, 2009

I was 21 when I had my son who’s now 3 1/2. I remember when the day came for us to leave the hospital and go home, I was happy yet scared. My boyfriend and I lived together but his work schedule didn’t allow him much time to help, working 12 hour nights and sleeping during the day. My mother wanted me to come to her house for about a week so she could help me out but I decided not to take that offer. My boyfriends family lived closer to us but were no help, more of a hindrance. They would drop by anytime they felt they wanted to and wake up my sleeping baby when I was trying to rest. As soon as he would get fussy, they were out of there.
@#5, Asha…Bitter…You and I both sister!
Looking back, if I had it to do again I would’ve definitely allowed my mom to help me out. Those first two weeks were the hardest due to breast feeding and lack of sleep. I have no plans for more children until I’m a lot older but when that time comes, Mom will be there to lend me a hand.

- TMia on August 11th, 2009

The only help I had really was when my 4th was born my husband took a week off of work. Other than that I came home from the hospital and my husband went into work. And my first 3 were born in a span of 2 1/2 years. So I had a 2 year old, 14 month old and newborn, by myself. DH worked from 3pm till 2 am. I was on my own…LOL. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. We could afford a nanny but I chose to have my kids and I choose to raise them…from day one..:)

- Courtney on August 11th, 2009

Ruby- I totally 100% agree with you! In my opinion, being sleep deprived, sometimes mildly crazy and just trying to get through is all part of the experience and something that you can look back on with your immediate family with fond and usually funny stories and memories.

- allison on August 11th, 2009

It is annoying to hear how celebrities, or even wealthy people, hire multiple nannies. I used to nanny for 2 boys so it was only me, NOT one for each child. I remember seeing on that wife swap show, how that wealthy ME ME ME lady from NYC had one nanny for each child she had. It seems insane. I could see possibly 2 nannies for 5+ kids, depending on age, but how celebs do it is just pure nonsense.

Anyways, with my 2nd child, I returned to work 4 days later as well, though I did work at home at the time. Even still, it was rough since the baby was very fussy. With the 3rd one, my family was in town for a few days(both sets of families live on the west coast while we live on the east) and helped with the cooking and my husband got 2 weeks of baby leave to help me. He did more of the household chores and cooking, which was so nice, than the feedings/changings of the baby. I breastfed so I felt he shouldn’t have to wake up with her when there wasn’t much he could do.

And no, I wouldn’t hire a nanny. I prefer commercial centers for daycare reasons like work, school, etc. I definitely would NOT employ several nannies just for 3 kids. That is crazy, even if I could afford it.

- momof3 on August 11th, 2009

i dont have children yet but i remember when my cousin gave both to her 1st and 2nd child she stayed at her mothers house for a whole week!

- blackrose on August 11th, 2009

Nope, no help at all from day one. My ex lives about two hours away so daddy wasn’t even there except at weekends. Personally, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I knew I was gonna be on my own so I started as I meant to go on and four years later we’re having a great time!

- Gem on August 11th, 2009

I was fortunate to have my mother stay with us for a week after our daughter was born, and our church community brought us meals for a couple of weeks after she left. It was so helpful, and I know that I was lucky.
Regarding a nanny, I am a SAHM, but if I worked outside the home and we needed full-time childcare, I would certainly hire a nanny if we could afford it instead of rushing back and forth to daycare. As it is now, I would hire a housekeeper instead if we could afford it, but we can’t, so I should probably get off of the computer and get to cleaning.

- amyjoyfox on August 11th, 2009

I really admire people who had no help, I honestly dont know how you did it! I know, you just do it and have no choice but it was hard work WITH help!
I consider myself incredibly lucky in that my mother in law who I wasnt exactly close to prior to the baby’s birth stayed with us every other night so that we could get some sleep for the first 3 months. I suffered from some PPD and felt so incredibly overwhlemed I dont know how I would have done it without her. I’ll always remember it as a special time when I really got to know her as a person and truly appreciate her as family. Those times in the trenches really bring people together.

- stan on August 11th, 2009

Amen! Laurel — my first was over 5 years ago. except I moved in with my parents for a week. She was closer to the hospital and doctors office and all so we stayed with her. She was sooo wonderful! She cooked for me, she helped me bathe ( i had a 4th degree episiotomy so walking was a challenge) and she would get up with him when I needed the rest. I don’t know what I would have done without her and I agree, nothing gets you prepared for motherhood like time with your own mother!!

- Courtney on August 11th, 2009

I do not have any children and am not sure what I will do when I have them. What bugs me about this is that celebrities do not admit that they have help. If you have a nanny, housekeeper and trainer just admit it. Also I find it insane that you have one nanny for each child. I understand over a certain number you might want to consider it but to me the number of children Marcia and Heidi have does not need more than one.

- Liz on August 11th, 2009

Just me and my husband.

- Janis on August 11th, 2009

no kids yet, but i wouldn’t mind having help, especially the first few months, from my mom

- jessie on August 11th, 2009

Nope, no help here either. We had three kids in five years, and we started young so all of our parents still work full-time and wouldn’t have been able to stay with us or anything.

I am a SAHM and found it very lonely a lot of the time, definitely until my friends started having kids, by which time I was pregnant with our third!

Personally I woudln’t use ‘help’, which is why I am a SAHM, but I have got a cleaner recently which has been such a Godsend because my husband is out of the house 14 hours a day

I try not to judge but I do find it a bit over-the top when celebrities have more than one nanny. I mean, I take my three evrywhere I go and it’s fine!

- Ruthella on August 11th, 2009

I was a single parent and I had NO help what-so-ever. I didn’t even go out without my daughter until she started school (well PreK), she did go to day care so I could work but other than that I did everything until I got with my current husband when she was 2. And still then I did mostly everything by myself until we got married last year. And just so ya’ll can get the time line down my daughter will be 9 next month and I was 21 when I gave birth. To this day my daughter has only spent the night away from home 2 times and it was at a friend of mines house (we have been friends for 23 years and she has a daughter 1 1/2 years older than mine so of course their friends), I’ve had no help from family or friends let alone a nanny. But in all honestly I am a do it my self type when it comes to parenting.

- Bancie1031 on August 11th, 2009

Yes, I had my mom’s help, she came from Peru (I live in Italy) and with my first daughter was born she stayed 2 months, and with the second daughter she stayed 1 month…And I have a lady that comes once a week to clean my house.

- sil on August 11th, 2009

I had twins, and we did it mostly on our own. My mom stocked out freezer with meals that we could heat and serve, which was a great help. My husband took one week off and then two weeks of half days. My in-laws did watch the boys for a few hours occasionally so hubby and I could get a break. But that was it. When the twins were 3.5 years old I went back to work part-time and we hired a nanny to watch them at our house.

We’re expecting another baby this winter, and we are hoping to get more help from my in-laws this time, since I’m still working part-time now. We do not plan to use a nanny or sitter with the baby, so my mother-in-law will watch them for us.

- Christine on August 11th, 2009

My mother lived almost next door to us but made it clear she wasn’t interested in helping. To be fair, she was still working full-time when our children (four in seven years) were born. I do think she could have helped even a little bit, though. The doctor asked if I was ready to be discharged from the hospital while he was still stitching me up! I told him to keep me in as long as possible because I knew what was waiting for me at home.My husband was useless, disappearing as soon as he dropped me and the new baby at home. Priorities were pretty basic for the first few days! It’s exhausting, but somehow you do what you have to do and get through it.

- Lissi on August 11th, 2009

wow, the arrogance on this site…

- kai on August 11th, 2009

I was a single mom with my first son-just over 8 years ago. I was in the military and was back to work 6 weeks after. My mom moved to where I was stationed to help me out with babysitting since daycare was backed up and very expensive…especially with having to go to the field at times. So for the first 2 1/2 years, my mom would watch my son during the day and when I came home it was my responsibility. Once I got married and got out of the military, my son went into daycare while I went to college. With our second son-2 1/2 years ago-a coworker watched our oldest son for a couple hours while my husband was at the hospital with me. His parents came up-7 hours away from where they lived-and stayed a couple days. Husband took a couple days off work but other than that, we really had no help. I am a SAHM and go to college at night. When my husband comes in from work, I leave for school. It’s only very rare that we let someone watch the boys now and it’s usually for a special reason-trip to ER with my husband, Christmas shopping…stuff like that.

- Carol on August 11th, 2009

I had my first at 21 and had no help at all, not even from the dad. I didn’t want any outside help (family, friends or hired help) but I would have liked to have the dad’s help. I stay at home with my 2 kids (just gave birth to the second)and the dad’s excuse for not helping was I didn’t do anything all day except sit around with a newborn-nice huh? He wouldn’t even change a diaper and would barely hold her. Now with the second he is helping out with the first. I’m on my own with the newborn again but I’m fine with that as long as he helps with the firstborn.

- Janet on August 11th, 2009

I was 25 when I had my son (he’s 5 now) and didn’t have any experience with nephews,cousins etc.My family lives in Greece and I had just started working in London so my mother-in-law stayed with us for about 5 weeks and I really couldn’t be more grateful.Plus we’ve bonded very much over that stage.
My mom really likes Lena (my mother-in-law) so she didn’t mind too much,but I’m giving birth to the girls in Greece this time (we’re staying till late November,I’m due in October) and she’s more than glad to help!My son is so little that he needs attention too,and I definately don’t want him to feel pushed aside because two babies is a lot of work!
I don’t see anything bad with having some help.Sure,having a full-time nanny means you don’t spend that much time with your children but some people can’t do otherwise and the “holier-than-thou” comments don’t do any good.

- Maria on August 11th, 2009

When I had my daughter it was a pretty big to do for both our families. We hadn’t been around my family or his friends for the last 5months of the pregnacy because of travel, so I think everyones excitement was bottled up. When Rafeeki was born my partners mom, dad and aunt flew in from Amersterdam and Lyon and my mom drove 15minutes to our apt. They all stayed with us for the first 2 days and his mom stayed for the first month. My mom was over everyday and is here at least 3,4x a week. My best friends all stopped by to see the baby and they were really good about running errands for me. I had a lot of help and I have really fond memories of that time, I hadn’t felt that family love in a long long time.

I had a nanny growing up, but there were 5 kids all under the age of 10 in one house and while my mom and aunt(we had a uncoventional setup I guess) worked it was nice that my grandmother had company/help. By time I was in elementary school we parted ways tho. Right now its just me N the Gaia, and I don’t really foresee a nanny in our future but if we adopt sooner than expected then maybe. I don’t see anything wrong with a nanny but I really really really have a hard time justifying having more nannies than children. Bur not everyone is a hands on parent and that’s fine.

- gaia's mom on August 11th, 2009

I forgot to add that i was 24, and my husband was pretty helpful and was glowing more than I was haha! It recently occurred to me that I’m a SaHM(temporarily). I think I’m a good stay at home mom but a terrible houswife. Does that make sense? We have a cleaning lady that comes in about once a week and her looks of disdain make me feel like a failure! She always says “just you three livin’ heeeyah wouda guisssed mowr?” I’m a bit of a piggy, that doesn’t change because I’m a madre!

- gaia's mom on August 11th, 2009

For the most part no I didnt have help. The only exception was the day I came home from the hospital. My boyfriend forgot to turn the heat on before we left and the day we bought him home it was really cold so my mother in law offered to let us stay with her that night. And she also offered to “let me sleep.” So our first night out of the hospital she slept in the living room with him and took care of him all night. I felt like a bad mom at the time but it was really nice to be able to sleep for a whole night. When I got up in the morning my son was fine and I was very much rested. That was all the help we had.

- Toni on August 11th, 2009

My heart really goes out to you who didn’t have any help from your family and so-called friends. Of course you’re hurt and bitter. As hard as it may be, I hope you can go out of your way to be helpful when someone you know has a baby so you can set a positive example and break the cycle.

Thankfully, when my son was born, my husband was very involved and my mom and in-laws were either helping or offering to help.

We didn’t hire a nanny but we did and still do have a maid come once a week. I thought about hiring a nanny, even for just a few hours a day so I could breathe, but when I started looking into the process I realized I just didn’t feel I could trust anyone to take care of my son the way I do. That said, I do go to the gym every day where they have wonderful hourly childcare. My son loves it and I recommend it to anyone who can afford it and who has the time. Exercising is SO GOOD for body, mind and soul. I’m a better mom for it!

- Angelique on August 11th, 2009

Every parent needs the assistance of a babysitter or family member from time to time. But, if I could afford “help,” I would hire a housekeeper to do the laundry and cleaning so I would have more time to spend with my kids. My husband and I both work 40+ hours, but don’t have hired help (besides sending the kids to daycare). We are lucky that my parents are always happy to spend time with our girls on sick days, or if we need a night out or have a major chore to do without kids around.

- JB on August 11th, 2009

I don’t think it’s fair to judge celebrities for their help because we don’t live the same lives.

The life of a working or SAHM with kids, who lives in one central location, isn’t even remotely the same of a celeb that is actively working, whether it be a movie star, a singer, etc.

The traveling, the scheduling around the work (not scheduling around the kids), the promotion of their product, the every single day to day things it takes for their career just isn’t the same as a non-celeb, especially if the celeb family travels as a unit to stay together.

I doubt anyone here has had to arrange international travel, living accomodations, schooling for older kids, meals, playdates, doctor visits, etc for multiple kids in new cities like someone who films a movie, or even on a daily basis for someone who’s in a band. That’s on top of the “normal” stuff of cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, finding where the ATM is, etc.

That’s the life they chose so let them make the healthiest, safest decision for their children and get off their backs about it.

Working in my field, I see severe child neglect and abuse by “normal” parents EVERY SINGLE DAY, and let me tell you how much better off these children would be if someone else had come in to help.

- Julie on August 11th, 2009

We had no help when our daughter was born. Just my boyfriend & I. It was really rough, especially those first 6 weeks. Nothing and no one can prepare you for it that’s for sure. What a rollercoaster! We’ve pretty much got a good routine going now and I just adore my baby girl.

- Adrienne on August 11th, 2009

my husband took 2 weeks off for the birth of both our daughters.. my mother-in-law came to see us a few times and made dinner or brought it in to us. after that, no help. with 2 children who were very fussy(one had acid reflux very bad) this was the hardest thing i have ever done. PPD is very hard when you feel you have no help. so no help and PPD- its hell!

i tell all my friends who dont have kids: if you go to visit a friend who just had a baby- BRING FOOD!!! gifts are nice, but meals brought to your door are a lifesaver, i swear when my mother-in-law made us dinner or brought us food over, it was like vacation at the beach feeling..

as for hiring a nanny, to each their own, sure some days i would like “assistance” but no one cares for my children as i do, no matter how much you pay them… in the end, i feel this is my path, i chose it, i embrace it for all that it is- good and bad!

in motherhood, the days are long the years are short…

- Kim on August 11th, 2009

I had my Mother her for a week (against my wishes). It is our first child, and I wanted time alone, as a family with just me, my husband and our new baby. Since my parents are three hours away, they wanted to be here. I asked them politely ahead of time to get a hotel, but they did not. I found it akward. I was learning how to breastfeed and I felt like I had no privacy. I have a small 1400 square foot ranch with one bathroom.

I think it’s a huge turn off to see celebrities with multiple nannies. I rarely see pictures of Marcia Cross with out at least one. I understand if you have to travel, but does the adult to child ratio really need to be 3/2 to go to the park? Come on!

- Sara on August 11th, 2009

I was totally on my own after giving birth to all of my children as both of our families lived out of state. I worked at home and went back to business as usual only 3 weeks after my third child was born. So I had a 5 year old, a 20 month old, and a newborn, along with a full-time job and no help whatsoever. I am Wonder Woman and I am tired!!

- Angel on August 11th, 2009

Yes. I lost my baby a couple hours birth and I had a c-section. I was living at home with my parents, on bedrest. My baby was born at 42 weeks. I was sedated for a couple days because as you can imagine I was pretty distraught. Until we got to bury my daughter. Then I went to the memorial service. And then I have been kind of staying home until April (this happened in December) and I finally went out to friend’s.

- Jessi on August 11th, 2009

my mom helped out A LOT after having my daughter in march. not so much with the baby, but with cleaning and cooking. i had a hard time doing things because i had a c-section (after over 30 hours of labor) and she did most of the housework, so that i could focus on my daughter. it was amazing of her to do all of that and i am so appreciative.

- amy on August 11th, 2009

Jessi, I’m so sorry for your loss.

- sil on August 11th, 2009

I have 4 kids and have had various amounts of help with all of them. With my first my mom was with us when she was born. She stayed about 2 weeks. With my second she came before she was born to help with my other child and stayed about a week after. With my third and fourth babies she came about to weeks after right as my husband was going back to work and stayed about 10 days each. My friends and church also provided meals for two weeks after #4 which was really great.

I loved having help mainly to help entertain my other children and to let us all kind of forget about the housework and get to know are newest family member. But I was also very happy to have my house “back” and get on with life.

- Sara on August 11th, 2009

I’ve been lucky enough that my husband took off the first week I was home from the hospital. My mother-in-law also came in to help that first week I was home. After that I’ve been on my own. It’s not easy especially nursing after C-sections. Since then I’ve found an affordable company that I’ve used to find babysitters, Find The Best Nanny. Oh well we all get through it!

- Debbie H on August 11th, 2009

#45 jessi: i am so sorry for your loss!

i had hubby for 2 weeks each time b/c of having a c-section. this time (i’m pg w/ #3), he should be home for 2 weeks as well. w/ my 2nd, we did get a little help for the 1st 3 days after he went back to work since i was still unable to lift my 2 1/2yr old or do much cleaning. it was the daughter of someone i used to work with. she came over 1x a week for the rest of the summer to clean or watch the kids so i could go to dr’s appts, etc. i hav eto admit it was kind of nice. we’re looking for someone to help pre-baby this time since i’m getting too big to clean much and maybe 1x week after for just a few weeks. the cleaning aspect is the biggest.

- Stephanie on August 11th, 2009

I had and still have the help of my parents with my 4 month old daughter. I’m a single parent and I work full-time, my mom takes care of her during the day and then once I get off of work, she’s all mine, but I don’t mind that at all. I don’t know how I would have made it without their help when I first came home from the hospital though. Those first few weeks can be so overwhelming and nerve racking on top of little to no sleep, my mom’s help and patience with me was invaluable and still is.
I don’t hold anything against people who hire nannies, I don’t believe I would do it. But I can’t say never. It does annoy me sometimes though when celebrities talk about their nannies, but that might be jealousy.

- courtney on August 11th, 2009

I had no help from any family, nanny, or friends. All of our families were out of state or out of the country. Friends didn’t care ’cause none of them had children then. My husband worked 12 hour days, and was exhausted when he got home. To top it off, I had PPD. It was the most difficult thing I have ever endured, but I live to tell (son is 4). Because of the circumstances, it has made us put off having anymore children until our son is in kindegarten. As much as I can be envious of those who receive help in any matter, I also know that every person’s situation is different. Even though we are all parents, I still look at it like apples and oranges. And yes, I would do it all over again because now I know what to expect, I know I am capable of doing it, and it has given me the greatest gift of all.

- Marie on August 11th, 2009

I have 14 month old twins and have had no help whatsoever…husband works, all me. I envy the rich. I would still be hands on all the time but just to have an escape every now and then would be great.

- Jaime on August 11th, 2009

To Angelique: I do try to accept people the way they are, I try everyday and it’s hard but for the most part, I was ok with it until I wrote about it here! lol It brought up all the memories again.

My niece was born 3 months after my first born, I cooked and brought my sister lunch one day. I’ve never been the type of person to hurt people in the same way they’ve hurt me. I’m learning and trying to see from someone’s point of view more and allowing and accepting people for who they are and still loving them regardless (it’s called the Art of Allowing).

- Asha on August 11th, 2009

I had a difficult delivery with my first(now 25).Hubby had his own biz,and was never around,and both moms-in-law were working.I had PPD,and couldn;t cope without the help of a hired baby nurse.She showed me how to bathe the baby,and feed and swaddle him.I was also able to rest and recover from the birth.So sad when she left after a month that I gave her a good-bye gift.
My second birth was a lot easier(he’s 20).I waited 5 years,hoping to forget the first experience.With no one around once again,and a 5 year old demanding attention,we again hired a nurse.It was the best money ever spent,and a great gift to a new mom who may need an extra set of hands.

- Shelley Dinner on August 11th, 2009

I had various degrees of help for each of my four children. When my older two were born my mom helped out a lot and watched them while I finished college. My daughter (2nd child) was born 6 weeks early and my mom kept my son while we were in the hospital recovering from a C-Section for me and a two week stay in the NICU for her. My second two my mom helped but not to the same degree as my dad was ill. In fact, after my last child (another C-section) I came home on a Sunday to three other children with a newborn and on Monday morning my husband went off to work, he had forgotten to ask anyone to come stay with me and I was livid. I couldn’t lift my then 18 month old daughter or bend to change her diaper and my eight year old son had to help me.

Now I am a SAHM ( I worked up until 6 months ago when my husband’s disabilities made it impossible to leave him at home by himself or with the kids) and I have found that although I am a great mom and wife, I am not such a good housekeeper:( and we can’t get any help with that right now. We now live in a multi-generational home with my mom, us and the four children and it has been a blessing. I can leave the kids with my mom and husband to do the grocery shopping or just to go get coffee with a friend and my husband is not alone. I would love to go back to work but my mom works full time and can’t be home with the kids right now. Having help, paid or otherwise is good for the parents and for the kids. Kids become more independent and the parents have a chance to live outside of their children. I wish we could afford a full time nanny.

- KD on August 11th, 2009

“It always amazes me how so many people need all of this help with an infant.”

Am I supposed to be ashamed of needing help? I appreciate every little bit people did for me during that time…and I would describe it as a hard time…it was a extremely joyous for me because of the help I did have!

- gaia's mom on August 11th, 2009

I find it interesting how so many of the ladies that are commenting sound so bitter towards women who DO have help. I am a stay at home mother of 3 children who are each less then 2 years apart. I had my MIL and my mom each stay for a week with my first child. Both of them live long distance and of course they wanted to come meet their grandbaby. I only used occasional baby-sitters for help until I had baby #3. Since the birth of baby #3, I have had a nanny 3 days a week. Yes, I stay at home, but having a nanny (or mother’s helper in my case) gives me an extra set of hands. I get to spend one on one time with each of my kids, I get to volunteer at their preschools and I do get a few hours to myself. The nanny goes with us to places like the zoo, pool, mall, lunch. I feel truly blessed to have her in our lives. Yes, I know not everybody can afford a nanny, but you shouldn’t judge someone else for having one.

- jbmotherof3 on August 11th, 2009

To all of you who said how “hard” it is after giving birth to a baby- what did you expect? It always amazes me how so many people need all of this help with an infant. Did you think it was going to sleep through the night at first? Good lord It’s hard but you signed up for it- tough it out and do it!

- Allison on August 11th, 2009

I think there is sometimes a misperception that a nanny does all of the work raising the child and then “presents” them to the parents to look at and admire at the end of each day before the nanny takes them up to their room to go to bed at night. I am a SAHM and am fortunate enough to be able to have a full time housekeeper/nanny. She is there to help with the cleaning, grocery shopping, errands, laundry, cooking and babysitting. This allows me to spend my time with my child and my husband. I get to spend my time playing with my child, reading to him, bathing him, feeding him, etc. and it is nice to have some help around the house!

- Randee on August 11th, 2009

I had a little bit of help I guess. I gave birth on a Tuesday and was home on that Thursday. My husband’s mom and sister decided that time would be perfect to come over and clean our home from top to bottom. Don’t get me wrong, the cleaning was nice, but right then? Not good. They didn’t even cook for us which is what I was hoping for!

My husband had asked for the week off which he was given, but most of it was spent in the hospital! So really, I only had a few days with him to get into the swing of things since he had to go back to work that Monday.

- Robyn on August 11th, 2009

Our daughter was born 12 days ago, my husband was off for the first 10 days and now my parents are here for the week.

- Megan on August 11th, 2009

My mother took off a month from working to help me. I also had the help of my retired father and my husband for 3 weeks before he returned to work. My parents were such a huge help but my husband was nothing but stress! lol! Either way, in traditional cultures there would ideally be several women in someone’s life or village who would help a new mom and her infant. It’s not unreasonable at all to hire a nanny to recreate that same environment. This time I’m due in January and again, I’ll have the unconditional support of my family. That’s how it should be!

- Anon on August 11th, 2009

Not at all! I have 3 kids and never needed any help, if you stay at home I don’t get having a nanny unless it’s only once in awhile!

- Cameron on August 11th, 2009

A lot of you ladies seem to have had very little help! I’m really shocked, I thought that when a babies born thats when families(especially the females in the family) ban together and support the new mom! I don’t have any kids right now, but I’m sure that when the time comes I’ll have loads of help(god willing that the old bittys in my family are still around).

As far as nannies, I plan on having one because I don’t imagine I’ll have a job that I can stop work for more than 6months. I also have to say I think that that Gaia is kinda onto something. Not everyone is a hands on parent. Not everyone wants to cook, clean, run errands, bathe their kids. I don’t personally understand that kind of mentality but it exists. Who are we to judge those types of people?

- Elzbieta on August 11th, 2009

Wow, anon 3:14, you sure sound like a gem! I don’t think anyone here expected their baby to come out sleeping through the night, but keep in mind that we all have different experiences. I had a hard labor that resulted in my receiving a big episiotomy. I could barely move. I expected that my husband would have been more help, but he was afraid of our newborn. I then ended up with PPD because I was dealing with a child with such severe GERD that she refused to either eat or sleep and insisted I hold her all the time, or else she would scream nonstop. I would have loved help! I knew it would be hard, but I wasn’t expecting what I got. I feel very glad for the ladies who got help! If I could afford a housekeeper, I’d get one. And a chef too . But, please think about other peoples’ experiences before you tell them to “tough it out.”

- Finais on August 11th, 2009

Oh and for the record, my daughter is 5 months old now, GERD is under control and we’re both doing great! I thank God every day for her, and those first few weeks are a blur! She’s truly the love of my life and no matter how hard it got, it was so worth it! Still doesn’t sleep through the night though

- Finais on August 11th, 2009

When my first child was born, my hubby and I stayed home for a week together and my mom came by every couple of days, but for the most part we did it alone. It was fine.

With my second child, my mom came and stayed with us for a week and my husband took one week vacation.

Once my daughter was born, I did ask my regular babysitter to come 4 days a week in the afternoons and hang with my son so that I could sleep and spend time with the newborn. It was great.

I find it interesting that instead of supporting each other, the women who “do it all ALONE because that’s my job and I would NEVER hire anyone else to do it” look down at the women who said this is hard and even though I can do it alone, I would like some help and therefore have someone. If you can afford it, do it, its great to have that support.

- Kattyra on August 11th, 2009

I am a 1 of 6 nannies for 4 children, and I will give props to the parents for recognizing they need the help, as they run their own business and are gone during the days. On the weekends and most evenings they are terrifically devoted to their children (though admittedly the toddlers get much more mom/dad time than the babies) and want the best for them. There are always ups and downs as a result of having so many people in and out of the children’s lives but I cannot fault anyone for getting the help they feel they need, if they are capable of doing so.

- Jaycee on August 11th, 2009

Asha, I like the way you think. Very inspiring! It would be a struggle for me to be so accepting and take the high road as you did.

- Angelique on August 11th, 2009

My daughter arrived two months early. My mother took a week off from work and stayed with me. My husband stayed home for the first three days. After that I was on my own.

- Dina on August 12th, 2009

I live in Amsterdam, the Netherlands (Holland) and I am 18 weeks pregnant with my first.

I like reading international pregnancy/labour stories since Holland is one of the few (industrialized western) countries which still promotes home births, natural births without pain medication or epidurals and where pregancy is monitored by a mid-wife in stead of a OBGyn. I don’t believe in the “no pain no gain” motto so I would like to deliver in the hospital with some pain relieve if possible.

However, as I read your comments, I am happy that all new mothers (and fathers) in this country are entitled to a in-house maternity nurse for the first 5 days after giving birth, 8 hours per day. They assist you in breastfeeding, household chores, taking care of visitors and of course taking care of the mother and the newborn. This is paid by the government. Furthermore, Dutch moms have in total 16 weeks of paid maternity leave. 4 weeks prior to the delivery and 12 weeks after.

- Anna on August 12th, 2009

with my first 2,i had help from my in laws and my parents.i am expecting again and this time too,i think my parents will come and help us out.but i always had hired help for the household chores so i was free from that responsibilty.but with babies,it was my parents mainly who helped before and after the delivery.bless them:)

- beyond on August 12th, 2009

I have 3 children and never had any help when they were babies. My husband took a couple of days off work and we just got on with it. There were times when my kids were younger, when I was sick, I would really have loved some help but I just muddled on through. When my kids have their own kids I shall try to help as much as I am needed.

- Kresta on August 12th, 2009

My husband and my family live about 500 miles away from us. We had visitors during the birth and a few days after, but we’ve been on our own ever since. Sure, it’s been challenging and we desperately would love a night out, but in the end we are grateful to have each other’s support to endure the late nights, early mornings, and wonderful milestones that come with raising a child. For us, the pressure has helped us to get our act together to live in a healthy and responsible way and has made us even more accountable to each other and our little boy. We are so blessed and, as much as we miss our families, very proud that we’ve done it ourselves!

- Just Us! on August 12th, 2009

Thank you everyone! I appreciate it.

- Jessi on August 12th, 2009

I’m in the 28. week of my pregnancy now and I can’t wait until our lil’ baby is born. But I have to admit that I’m also scared. I pretty much know that I won’t get any help beside from my husband. My family lives in Germany and my husband’s in Japan, so they can’t come (we live in Canada). Even though it was planed that my mom comes for 3-4 weeks, it’s not possible anymore. She has to take care of my grandma now, since she had a very bad stroke last year and it’s getting worse with her condition. So my mom of course doesn’t wanna let my grandma alone.
If I could, I would like to get a little help from a midwife or something like that during the first few weeks, just for about 3-4 hours a day. Just to teach me a bit in breastfeeding techniques, how to give the baby a bath, ect. Of course we will visit a prenatal class, but to learn with a baby-doll is not the same, right?
Of course we have friends, but most of them still don’t have any kids, or any experience with kids. So I’m not really sure if I want to drop off my baby there. But maybe we get lucky as some of the moms here and they help us out with some food/cooking ^^

- Jay on August 12th, 2009

I’m a single mom (The father has never been involved) and had pretty much zero help when my son was born (And for the past 7 years for that matter lol) I WISH I could hire a housekeeper to do the cleaning/errands/cooking as someone above posted. That’s all the stuff that makes parenting hard! The grunt work. If I had all of my time to just “play”and hang out with my son, that would be amazing. But when you’re the one doing ALL the cooking, cleaning, errands, driving to sports etc, it makes you a bit frazzled and tired… I’m not always in the best mood or 100% able to devote myself to my son the way I wish I could. If someone else were doing all of the “work” I could be much more stress free and just enjoy being with my child. To the woman above who has the housekeeper there every day doing all the grunt work – wow! That must be one fun life I’m jealous!!

- Amandamay on August 12th, 2009

Yes, I had help. We live with my mother-in-law so she was on hand when I needed her. My mother visited often the first two weeks also and went to my daughter’s first doctor’s appointment with us. My mother brought me food and my mother-in-law made sure there was quick food for me to eat because I was breast feeding. However, it was still a lot left for me to do. I washed clothes, gave all the sponge baths, etc…all the mommy things and because I nursed, it was still a lot of new responsibilities. The help I received was more emotional even though they were physically here with me. But it was what I needed and I wouldn’t change it.

- Vanessa Green on August 12th, 2009

YES,we are fortunate to be able to employed a live-in British Nanny for the first 5 years of our son’s life.My husband managed the company he worked for between London,England and Zurich,Switzerland-while I am a stay home wife and mom but a constant travels following my husband business assignments and entertaining clients routinely made a sense for us to have someone that we can trust to assisted me with the baby.
I am not a super woman or trying to be one,grateful to be able to enjoy those valuable years with my son and husband with unnecessary stress.Kudos for any mom that goes without.

- IndoMom on August 13th, 2009

I’m expecting my first baby next month. Due to our careers, my husband and I live in a city where we have no other family. My mother is a four hour drive away and will be coming to stay with me a week before my due date until i guess I don’t need her anymore. After that his mother wants to come and stay for a week (although I am not looking forward to that) After that I guess I’ll be on my own until i go back to work. I have hired a nanny when that time comes. If I don’t like it, I will stop working and it will just be the three of us, me, hubby and baby.

- Lulu on August 13th, 2009

I have two girls…. with my first my husband was home for a week, than I had my mother for another week… I hired a maid who comes 5 days a week. With my second my husband had 3 days off, my mom stayed for a week again and I also had a baby nurse at night for a few weeks. My husband has crazy work hours and we are always traveling. The extra help from our maid is so wonderful. I am on location with my husband for 2 months on the opposite side of the country from our home, and I wish we had our maid here, because it is a lot of work. I defiantly don’t have a nanny, but the maid does help with the girls when i need. Just having my house cleaned and laundry done is such a big help.

- kat on August 13th, 2009

No help at all. In fact my father in law has yet to see our 9 month old son. My mother in law (the in-laws are divorced and live out of state)saw baby at 4 mos. They show no interest. This makes me very sad. My parents are deceased and my siblings… well we are estranged, I spent my teens in foster care because of our family situation.

To all that have help, I am so envious. I wish I had another female to turn to (like a mom). I wish my baby’s grandparents could be a support, you would think being family and all, but he is more interested in geo-caching and grandma is more into her church activities and her own family.

I have tired to reach out but this doesn’t work if the other end doesn’t meet you half way. I have been lonely and depressed. Thank god my husband is there. He is the only one. By the way I have had 4 previous miscarriages and yet even then no support from any of them. My child will never have this pain. I will always be there for him!

- Ann on August 14th, 2009

When we got home from the hospital, family was around, but they really got in the way more than they helped. I just wanted to be alone with my new little family and everyone was underfoot. After the initial shock wore off, the only help we really recieved was from my sister in law, who takes the baby every friday night for an hour an a half or so, so that my husband and i can go get a burger (don’t worry, I’ve already lost the baby weight from the January birth:)

- Holly-by-golly on August 16th, 2009

I did not have any help after I had our 1st,2nd,3rd, or when we adopted our 4th child. My husband helped take care of our children,with me. But no outside help. Really,Did any of our Mother’s have outside help ?? I know mine didn’t.

- Laurenelyse on August 18th, 2009

Here in Holland you get a nurse for 8 days. She takes care of you and baby and also does some cooking and cleaning and even will take your other children to school, etc for you. She can go grocery shopping as well. I didn’t want help but my midwife makes you take it. All said and done we only had to pay something like 150 euro for it all and insurance pays the rest. I think everyone on earth should have this option. I didn’t much enjoy a stranger doing all the things I’m crazy about being in control of, but others love it!

- LJK on August 19th, 2009

First of all, well put jbmotherof3 and Randee! I think it is important to remember that it takes a community to raise a child. The notion of a family consisting of mother, father and children is a quite modern one, the old tried concept is mother father, grandmoterhs, grandfathers, uncles and aunts, cousins, neighbours, friends and children. Even in the forties and fifties, when there were many stay at home mothers who lived, they used each other for support and helped each other with baby sitting and errands or a meal. Today it’s not always possible or desireable to create this old “village” around our children, but there is nothing wrong to enlist the help you need to raise your family the best way possible. Help does not have to be a nanny, but may be a cleaner or someone who comes with food and comfort every now and then until life has settled. It can be someone who looks after the baby or older sibling so that mommy can have a shower or a nap or go to the doctor, hairdresser or dentist, someone who holds a baby who has been screaming for hours for a while, so that mommy can calm down and be a better mommy (babys get upset if their carer is stressed and can freak out if their carer is afraid), someone who looks after one or more child so that the mother can get some one-on-one time with one of the children or volunteer at the childrens school. Help can come in many different forms depending on the circumstances and we should never assume anything without the full picture. I don’t have any children yet but have for many years worked as a baby sitter, nanny, preschool teacher and mothers helper in many different families and know that there is not one family that has exactly the same needs as another. I for instance would not bat an eye to have someone come over and help me clean once a week (I am a terrible housekeeper) if I could afford it, and if that person could cook a meal or two while at it I would’nt say no even if I do like cooking when I am in the mood for that. There is no need to bash anyone who wants or needs help, wether it’s just for a while or for a longer period. You shouldn’t have to suck it up and go on with it if you can’t cope and you don’t have to accept any help at all if you don’t want to. It should be all up to you.

Secondly, before you bash celebrity parents with several nannies, I would like to tell you about one of my scariest job experiences ever. About six or seven years ago I was asked by a friend who was working as a nanny for an actor and actress if I could come work for them too for a month. Both parents were going to be on different sets and they had a baby and an older toddler. I was going to work with my friend and another nanny and would look after the children in shifts (there are limits to how many hours a day a nanny can work!) as the mother would sometimes spend 17-20 hours on set, at very irregular hours and sometimes at very short notice, so there always had to be one on call. The actress was not that famous (as in ”tomcat” or ”brangelina”) but there were other famous actors on set and once word got out the media attention got quite big. One of the first days I was out with the mommy, both kids and another actor. We got spotted and within minutes we were absolutely crowded by paparazzi and fans. The fans got closer, and so did the pap’s in order to get pictures without too many fans. The older kid was holding my hand and the baby was in mommys arms. This was new to all of us (including the far more famous actor who was with us, he had been in this situation before, but never with little kids in tow) and us adults started to feel quite uncomfortable with the situation, so the mom and I started discussing me taking both kids and slipping under the radar while they deflected the attention. Just as I took the baby, the older child slipped out of my hand and litterally dissapeared into the crowd. We were lucky as the child was spotted within seconds and I could take the children and run for it, bu the could easily have been lost for ever. After that there was always one nanny per child accompanying the mother when she went out with the children, just in case. She could handle them alright on her own, but not in combination with a crowd of fans and/or paparazzi.

With more than one kid that gets media attention you need more than one adult to supervise them while out and about, especially if they want to do different things, one of them has a meltdown or one of them gets hurt. I had no problems taking 6 children out for a walk in the park at the daycare, but I couldn’t handle two children in combination with fans and paparazzi without compromizing their safety.

Just my experience.

- MiB on August 28th, 2009

I had help initially from my mother who is not maternal at all, never offered to help with the baby, all she was happy to do is housework. I really appreciated this as my son had refux and did not sleep at all, so I was spending most of the day/night feeding and trying to settle him. I was so exhausted one day I had the nerve to have a lie down and sleep for a few minutes while he slept. She saw me doing this, packed her bag and went home, she never came back to help me. Didnt ring me for several weeks. I hardley even saw my elder sister and I had practically looked after her kids when she had had them. I ended up having PPD and it took me 12 years to bring myself to have another child. I now tolerate my mother but I will never forgive her for doing that to me. She destroyed any feeling I had for her that day.

- Superb on September 1st, 2009