Maggie Gyllenhaal: Nothing Compares to a Mother's Love

Splash News Online

While many couples may view parenting as a partnership, first-time mom Maggie Gyllenhaal believes there is no such thing. “It’s a good effort to make, but I don’t think splitting parenting equally is possible,” she tells American Baby. According to the actress, despite working with her husband Peter Sarsgaard to “do our best to share duties” when it comes to their 2 ½-year-old daughter Ramona, Maggie admits nothing replaces a mother’s love!

“The mom is the mom — there’s something about that.”

Enjoying their life together a family of three in New York City, Maggie shares that certain aspects of the metropolitan lifestyle leave much to be desired! “I can’t lift the stroller down the subway stairs by myself, so sometimes I walk ten blocks to the station with an elevator,” she explains. As for the difficult task of transferring trains with Ramona and gear in tow, the 31-year-old says not a chance! “I don’t know why it has to be so hard,” she wonders.

An advocate of breastfeeding, Maggie encourages fellow moms to take care of themselves — as well as baby! — after giving birth. Advising new moms to drink water while they nurse, she also notes that a daily nap can make all the difference.

“You’ve just been through something that’s incredibly hard on your body. Let yourself feel scared and overwhelmed — those feelings are okay.”

Despite all her advice, Maggie says the bottom line of parenting is to simply trust your instincts. “I couldn’t make ‘crying it out’ work, but everyone’s different,” she explains.

Source: American Baby; May issue

– Anya

Comments

As much as I love Maggie Gyllenhaal, I have to disagree. I was raised by my Mom and Dad and then just my Dad and I don’t think there’s anything inherently in women that makes them the more natural parent. My ex-husband and I split the duties evenly and our kid’s love us and we love them equally.

But I think what she’s referring to might be a gender thing. When our son was born, Papa could do no wrong and there were plenty of times I was just chopped liver! but then when we had our daughter, it all switched.

Breastfeeding, though, means the mom is closer to the child at that age but it doesn’t necessarily stay that way!

- elleone on May 15th, 2009

I love Maggie and she appears to be a great mom.

One thing that often annoys me in interviews with celebrity parents is when they say that “crying it out” didn’t work for them-but to each their own.

The second part is right on-I truly believe that with a few exceptions, we all have the right to parent differently and just do what works for us.

But I also think that with so many people claiming “crying it out doesn’t work for my family” it appears that there’s something wrong with it. Well, I admit that it’s worked for my family at times. And there have been times when I’ve been at the end of my rope and the only thing left was for me to put my son to bed and just let him cry. And with my daughter, when she cries its for about 5 minutes and then she goes to sleep.

Every child and toddler is different and every parent is different. And I think that sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves as mothers to be able to handle everything effortlessly. WEll, sometimes being a mother is unbelievably hard…and I don’t always know whats best or what else I can do. So I try, and hope that tomorrow I can do a little better.

- Amanda on May 15th, 2009

I like the interview. She’s being very candid and open and clearly discussing her own opinions. I think it’s refreshing.

- Lis on May 15th, 2009

well said, maggie! i completely agree that women are more “natural” parents. this doesn’t mean that men are not great fathers, but just that a mother’s love and connection to her child is incomparable. it’s a matter of biology and hormones–maternal instincts, natural nurturing–not political correctness.

- M on May 15th, 2009

The steps are the subway are definitely difficult to negotiate with a stroller, but you do it a couple of times a day you will have “guns” for life. Personal experience talking here!

- SweetDiva on May 15th, 2009

Although my husband helps out alot with house chores and taking care of our toddler son, I do believe there is a difference between women and men’s parenting styles. I have discussed this topic with other friends who have children and they do agree that mothers are better at (whether that is a nature vs. nurture issue, I’m not sure). But from my observations, my husband is not insync with my son the same way I am. One example is my ability to hear my son at night versus my husband who sleeps right thru crying, coughing, etc. And I know that my husband is not faking or ignoring the cries because if I shake him to wake up he will go investigate but is often groggy where I am more alert. Anyone else had this experience or agree?

- Liz on May 15th, 2009

So… I’ve been trying hard to not make negative comments about celebs
quotes because I want to give them the benefit of the doubt…

but… she could really solve her own problem easily.

Um, Maggie?
Buy a lightweight umbrella stroller -OR- have your kid walk! She’s 2!

- Mrs. R. on May 15th, 2009

LOL a Mrs R’s comment. Are you just trying to stir the pot? Make her walk??!! Would you really expect a 2 year old to walk great distances in a busy city? My daughter is the same age as Maggie’s and it takes us an hour the walk the 2 blocks to the grocery store, toddlers are easily distracted. Plus there is no way I’d feel comfortable having her walking in a busy crowd.
As for your suggestion to buy a light weight stroller, I have one, but trust me when I say carrying it filled with a heavy toddler, plus my purse and whatever else is still a total nightmare!

- Rose on May 15th, 2009

‘Nothing compares to a mother’s love’…

I am a single mom, and for all the things that i’ve been through for my son im agree with her. It sounds really beautiful to me.

- Mariel on May 15th, 2009

liz,
my husband is a wonderful father but doesn’t do much of the work around the house. however, he has ALWAYS been the one to get my daughter out fo her crib and bring her in to nurse or to get her out in the morning. I rarely wake up to her cry unless he is gone and the monitor is right next to me (which it usually isn’t). That was his one major responsibility when we first brought her home from the hospital, since I was nursing and he couldn’t help much with that. My daughter is almost three now and he still wakes up at her first sound.
However, my daughter and I are extremely attached and I am happy to say they are too; maybe him waking for her at night is why!

- beth on May 15th, 2009

All parents are different. Some mothers bond better with their kids or understand them better, and some fathers bond with/understand their kids better. It depends on the person, not the gender.

- plS on May 15th, 2009

Biologically men, and women are different…women are programmed to hear certain sounds, or notice certain things in detail than men aren’t, where men are programmed to pick up certain sounds/frequencies that women don’t. I don’t think one is better than the other, just different-

- Mia on May 15th, 2009

As of mother of four in NYC…I gotta say that I carry my stroller up and down subway stairs almost every day. It isn’t easy but it can be done. I even get my double stroller up and down by bumping it down. I don’t have a problem transferring either. I think that you just have to DO it!

- Lara on May 15th, 2009

Sorry no. I didn’t mean to stir the pot. I just meant that I thought Maggie was complaining about the subway issue when there were a few pretty easy ways to solve her problem.

I meant to have her daughter walk down the stairs and carry the stroller instead of walking 10 blocks to a station with an elevator.

My daughter is 2.5 and we do it all the time. She’s good about holding my hand though, and my ‘city’ stroller (a lightweight umbrella) is easy to carry in my other hand – if Ramona wasn’t good about holding hands, I could see why Maggie would want to have her strapped in a stroller for safety sake.

- Mrs. R. on May 15th, 2009

IS this her way of telling Peter to contribute more?

- Meream on May 16th, 2009

i had a friend who ran her own architectural practice with her husband…. after their first child they would take turns working/staying home with the bub…. 2 weeks at work, 2 weeks at home. The person on “work” duties did not have to get up at night or deal with the baby in any way or tackle anything around the house.

anyhoo – she said that it was amazing how when it was her fortnight at work she would sleep through her babies screams and happily sit in the middle of an enormous mess and not even notice it…. but her husband would be wide awake at the first grizzle and stressed if the living room was a catastrophe. When it was his fortnight at work she would be the one awake at the slightest grizzle and stressing about dirty dishes.

her theory: it isn’t biology, the parent that deep down thinks the baby/house is their responsibility will hear/wake with the baby and see/get bugged by incomplete domestic chores.

i think the “something about mom” is that generally it is the mom who feels ultimately responsible for the well-being of her children. just a theory

- zara on May 17th, 2009

i love hearing celebs describe family life in NYC,not just celebs but also fellow posters!! i visit nyc very often and it is the greatest place in the world.

- maggie on May 17th, 2009

the thing with maggie is; she says something you totally disagree with, on every level, but then she’ll turn it around at the last minute and say hey, “this worked for me, this didn’t, but everyone’s different, trust your own instincts.” and i can’t help but love her. i get the feeling she’s the type of person who’ll respect you and your methods as long as you give the same back. she’s not trying to convince the world that her way is best.
personally if i didn’t have my husband to take on the lion’s share of the work, i don’t know where me and my daughter would be now. but as maggie said, everybody’s different and that’s nothing to pass judgement on.

- mazzie on May 17th, 2009

I agree with a few comments,one that mothers feel the responsibility of the home and chilren, I know my husband sleeps through everything while I hear if our son or daughter moves or is breathing differntly. I also get up a few times a night to check on them and make sure house and doors are locked up. I know my husband loves our children as much as I do. Maybe it’s just since Ive always been the one to get up with them (breatfeeding,sicknesses,whatever) that he knows I always will so he sleeps more soundly..who knows, all I know is that if a child has a mom and a dad in thier life or anybody who loves them, they are blessed. There are far to many children in this world without that parental love. So we all should remember to hug and kiss our chilren all the time and tell them we love them. Bottom Line

- Jennyg on May 18th, 2009

That is a really fascinating anecdote, Zara. Thanks for posting it.

- Stella Bella on May 18th, 2009

No parent should make “crying it out” work. It is a terrible method invented for the convenience of the parents, not the baby. Imagine being so little and having to cry yourself to sleep because no one will come to comfort you. For those who can’t deal – it’s better not to have them.

- becka on May 19th, 2009

I agree that you just have to do what works for you. Which is why I pretty much disagree with becka saying that no one should make “cry it out” work. My motto is and has always been “Do what you gotta do to get through.” Don’t judge how others raise their kids, and don’t try to tell me how to raise mine. That was something that really irked me when I had my daughter. She is 15 months now, she eats broccoli, tofu, chickpeas, you name it! She sleeps 12 hours a night, plus 2 2-hour naps every day, and all we do is lay her down, sing a song, and walk out. I hate to put pressure on her later in life, but she is virtually the perfect child! And I started feeding her solids at 4 months, and she cried it out several nights, and she was off of her paci at 12 months. She is amazing, and no matter what people said when I did things my own way, I have an unbelievably awesome kid to show for it!

- badabing on May 19th, 2009

Amanda,
I think it’s quite the opposite. By mentioning CIO, using it as a yardstick whether you use it or not, it makes that method appear to be the “normal” approach to parenting. Further it suggests that she is regretful or apologetic that she can’t do things the “regular” way.

- TCH on May 19th, 2009

I had a hard time with the whole CIO thing, but we had to do something our son was up 3-5 times a night and we weren’t sleeping either. He is now sleeping through the night and it took a long time to get him there he is 2. 1 comment about what Maggie said that being a parent can’t be a partnership. Well I totally diagree, my husband and I do everything 50/50, and it works just fine, we are 100% in sinc with eachother and it is amazing to watch him glow when he sees either one of us. The relationship between us and our son is rock solid and very playful and happy. I 100% believe I didn’t make this baby by myself and will not raise him by myself.

- Happy Momma on May 19th, 2009

becka- I don’t agree with CIO either, but I think that saying that no one should use that method is a bit harsh. CIO may not work for you or for me, but it does work for other people.

- CelebBabyLover on May 21st, 2009