Constance Marie on Staying Positive During Infertility

05/05/2009 at 06:00 PM ET
Alison Dyer for PEOPLE for use on CBB

Constance Marie has been open and honest about her struggle to conceive daughter Luna Marie, 3 months, and in a new interview with MomLogic she offers advice to other women experiencing infertility. “The thing that helped me most was knowing that I was going to have a family one way or another,” she explains. “If it wasn’t naturally, it would be with fertility drugs or IVF or donor eggs or adoption.”

With that mindset in place, Constance says she never felt as though she was out of options. Noting that “women are planners,” the 43-year-old actress adds that “if we know there’s a backup plan to get to where we want to be, even if we have to tweak it along the way, it makes us feel better.” Something else that helped was subtle reminders to stay positive. Constance elaborates,

“I put up Post-Its over my desk, one saying ‘Take the pressure off’ with a smiley face, and the other saying ‘No stress.’ I found when I was feeling down, seeing those would interrupt those negative thoughts in my head. It really helped.”

Reading up on the subject is never a bad idea, and Constance also recommends seeking out others who are in a similar situation — “even if it’s just online.” Lastly, she suggests that women should be realistic about their window of fertility. “I totally support women working on their relationships, their careers, or whatever they need to do to be healthy moms,” she says, “but it’s also important to realize you may not have as much time as you think.”

Constance — who conceived Luna on her third IVF trial after two miscarriages and an unsuccessful attempt with Clomid — also credits a “detox” for helping her to become pregnant. “I did acupuncture throughout the process, started eating organically, cut out fish because of the mercury, did a liver-gall bladder detox cleanse, and stopped drinking out of plastic bottles and got rid of all my Tupperware,” she explains, citing BPA concerns. “I also tried Japanese enzyme baths, where you get buried up to your neck in wood shavings and enzymes, which pull toxins out of your body when they’re heated — you feel amazing afterward!”

A healthy home is every bit as much a priority now that Luna is on the scene. “I learned so much about the toxicity of our environment while trying to get pregnant, I didn’t want to do anything to mess up the kid now that she was finally here,” Constance says. In her research, she learned that nurseries “tend to be one of the most toxic rooms in the house,” so Constance set out to buck the trend with Luna’s eco-friendly room. To that end, she used VOC-free paint, purchased an “inexpensive crib” made exclusively of wood — not particleboard — and a mattress made of 100% rubber from a rubber tree, which has natural antibacterial and antifungal qualities.

“The more we all ask for this stuff, the more they’ll make. It took me three and a half years to become a mom, so it makes me feel so good to know I’m giving my baby the best chance I can to develop a strong immune system and live a healthy life.”

Luna is Constance’s daughter with fiancé Kent Katich.

Source: MomLogic

– Missy

FILED UNDER: News , Parenting

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Showing 23 comments

Angelia on

That is exactly why you shouldnt wait so long to have kids! Of course most womens fertility will decline and it will be hard for them to get pregnant at her age. Women were designed to have kids in their 20s!

m on

Thank you, Constance! Thank you for being willing to share so many details of your journey. It is so helpful to hear, especially as I am still in the “during” stage and often do not feel as though I will see my way through. I have done acupuncture, oral medication, IUIs, IVF, Mayan massage, and so many other things. It can get tiring to keep going, but like you, I know it will be worth it. You are an insprition.

Megan on

“did a liver-gall bladder detox cleanse”

I am sorry I googled that. Way more personal pictures than I would’ve guessed : X One of the treatments involves drinking 2 cups of olive oil (among other options). Forget that. My liver is either healthy or I’m going to a hospital, not self treating 0_0

J to tha Da on

@Ang: Respectfully, not everyone is ready to have a child just because their bodies are ready.

Lis on

I appriciate her open-ness and I do think it is inspiring as infertility seems (to me) to be so incredibly difficult and sad. God forbid I have to go through that in a year or two when we start “trying”.

However, many of those things sound incredibly expensive :( What is the average woman with a moderate income to do? It seems like it would be much more difficult to those of us out there who do not make millions of dollars and simply cannot afford to try every option available… :(

NikNak on

@Lis,

Aside from the IVF (I have no clue how much that costs), the stuff about getting rid of tupperware, eating organic, and those detoxes are not that expensive.

They’re not common, but there not limited to people with millions of dollars. They’re not even limited to people making $50,000. It just takes an effort to do it.

People remove tupperware and stop drinking out of plastic bottles and use glass instead. Organic food is more expensive than standard grown food, but lots of people buy organic. And those detoxes, some of them just require you to use stuff in your home. (I personally wouldn’t recommend the detox, they seem like bs).

She named a lot of stuff normal people who are trying to remove the toxins in their life do

Lowongan on

i’ve heard a heating therapy would help

aroundthewaygirl on

I had a failed IVF with the dreaded unexplained/secondary infertility. I swear by acupuncture and a good detox/fertility diet. I did a fertility detox diet, but I also did it for vanity reasons as I was going to Hawaii and did not want to be the “fat one in the pictures”. LOL. I lost 10 pounds and all the changes were quite simple and cheap. After 14 days in Hawaii I returned to NYC with a bit of sunburn and found out I was pregnant the good ol’ fashion way a week later.

Infertility can hit a woman at any age and has more to do with all the newer toxins in our environment than simple female reproductive aging. My boss found out she was infertile at the age of 16. My close friend had a baby at 39, 42, and 44 it seems just by thinking about getting pregnant. The causes for infertility are more complex than simple armchair statistics.

Lila on

We had to do IVF also, because of male factor infertility. Those few years were truly the worst in my life. I never cried as much as I did watching all my friends get pregnant and not knowing if I would ever be a mom.

I agree that if you are going through it you need support, especially if you don’t personally know anyone who has gone through it. I found a lot of online support through message boards like BabyCenter and Babyfit. It was comforting to have someone to talk to about it.

Yes, it is expensive. We paid about close to $30,000 to have our daughter. We were lucky, we had savings and only had to take a small loan. But most clinics will work with you to find the cheapest route possible and more and more states are making mandatory insurance coverage.

Regardless of your age, it is a horrible thing to go through and I am glad she is speaking out.

Jill on

Lila – Thanks for your honesty in the cost of the fertility treatments, I have always been curious at what will need to happen if I reach that route and if it would be possible on my income.

I have reached my 30′s and am not in the right place to have a child at this time, but would love to be a mother eventually. I have always said the same thing as Constance, that it will work out one way or another (natural, fertility treatments, or adoption), but I am wondering if adoption is always an option. Does anyone have any information about how hard it is to adopt for a middle class couple in their early 40′s? We see celebrities doing it all the time whether single, married, older or younger, but I don’t know how hard it is for them, or if it is even harder for us regular folks!

Anyways, Luna is adorable and I am happy that it worked out for them and that she is sharing her trials with us!

Bieta on

Jill I think in the U.S, 50 is the age limit. Also I think if you are willing to adopt an older child even a toddler your likelihood of adopting is easier. There are also private adoptions too. Angelia, not everyone wants to have a baby at 20 like you. Women were designed to have babies in their teens, that doesn’t mean we should. Most women have no issue with fertility through most of their 30s. I think the number of people effected my infertility is 20% when combining both genders. Infertitlity as sad it is, is not a widespread problem. These days women try there best to bring babies into the most ideal situation possible. That means, money, car, house and husband(or partner).

Anna on

Adoption is definitely not as easy as some people seem to think.
Some countries have age limit of 40 years old. Or a maximum age difference between you and the child, so you would only be able to adopt an older child. Also IVF and all those other treatments are very expensive and in many cases don’t result in a baby!

Yes, infertility can happen at any age but it is a fact that for the average woman her fertility start to decline heavily after 30. most women cannot not have a a child naturally after age 40.

Bieta on

After 30? really? 30? I thought the number was after 35.

CelebBabyLover on

Bieta- I’m pretty sure the number IS 35. I know a lot of women, my mother included, who had children when they were in their early 30s. :)

Traci on

Constance, congratulations on having that gorgeous baby!

Angelia on

Actually fertility starts to decline at 26 and by 30 it has really declined. By 35 you have only a 5-10 percent of pregnancy each month while a woman in her young 20s is 30-50 percent.

lulumay on

So many people assume that the only reason women wait till their 40′s to have kids is due to career or selfishness. That is not true. Some of us have not met Mr. Right & never thought we would be childless (& single) in our 40′s.

It is very hard when people lecture & say, “Don’t wait too long!”.

We KNOW that. But sometimes we have no control over some of the factors.

I am 43 & single & want nothing more than to me a mom. I NEVER thought that I would be in this situation. I know I can adopt but I am not sure I am ready to be a single mom. I was raised by one & I know how hard it is.

Good luck to all.

Angelia on

lulumay have you considered a sperm donor?
I know several single moms who are doing a wonderful job of raising their children.

CelebBabyLover on

Angelia- What’s wrong with lulumay adopting if that’s what she wants to do?

Anyway, as for your other comment about when fertility starts to decline…Then how in the word do you explain the fact that most of the mothers I know (my own included!) were in their early 30s before having their first child?

Angelia on

I didnt say its IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant in your 30s, all I said was fertility starts to decline which is true. Look it up if you dont believe me. Also where are you living where people ae in their 30s before they have their first? Tbe nation wide average is 25 years.

Angelia on

And there is nothing wrong with her adopting! Its a wonderful thing to do.
Celebbabylover do you have kids or do you just obsess over celebritities kids?

Cassie on

I’m 29, will be 30 in August, and have yet to conceive a child. My husband and I have been married nearly four years, and have been trying to get pregnant the whole time.
All my friends have kids, and I’ve always wanted to be mom. Not everyone has any easy time getting pregnant. Even though our bodies are designed to have children at a younger age, not everyone is so lucky.

JLEMILY on

I am 33 and have been trying to concieve for more than 6 years and have spent about $20,000, still with no success. I have already taken out a loan, have already adapted a healthier lifestyle with organic foods and detox, etc. Now what am I supposed to do now that I am out of money.

It is easy for celebrities and such to encourage women to continue the course because money is not a hinderance for them. Treatment, including IVF, has failed, and adoption is expensive as well and a very involved process.

I am happy for Constance and all the other celebrities who have found success after multiple IVF tries , but continue to be heartbroken for myself and the others like me as we approach another Mother’s Day, still childless.

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