Sound Off! How Did Your First Child React to Your Second?

Albert Michael/Startraks

Baby number one gets all the attention. He or she is doted on for months — or years — with no competition in sight. Then baby number two arrives (and often three, four and so on) and relationships change: The first child is no longer the center of attention, and has to learn to deal with his or her younger sibling. Alison Sweeney recently blogged that her son Benjamin Edward, 4, has become almost a caretaker to new baby sister Megan Hope, 3 months, while Soleil Moon Frye said daughter Poet Sienna Rose, 3 ½, stepped up as a big sis and helped to plan her younger sister Jagger Joseph Blue‘s first birthday party.

As many celebrity parents prepare to welcome baby number two, we want to hear your stories.

So here’s your chance to Sound Off! How did your first child react to your second?

Comments

Brandi on April 21st, 2009

My older son was 2 1/2 when his brother was born and the transition was easier than I expected. He loved to help out and bring me diapers and burp clothes. The only time we had any problems was when I was trying to nurse the baby (we had a lot of latching issues) and my toddler didn’t understand why I couldn’t get up and play with him. Now they are 3 and 5 1/2 and very close!

Smore on April 21st, 2009

My daughter was just shy of 22 months old when my son was born. The whole time I was pregnant she was still “a baby” so she never seemed to realize that I was going to have another. The 1st few days after my son was born she just looked at him like “what is that thing?”. Once we came home she liked to rock him a little too fast in his car seat but we’ve really had no further troubles. The kids are now 9 & almost 11 and have typical sibling squabbles but for the most part get along.

Shannon on April 21st, 2009

K was almost 3 when S was born, and the first 8 months sucked. K hated that I breast fed, hated that I couldn’t hold her for a few weeks, hated that I was too tired to do some things, hated that I couldn’t sit around with her all the livelong day and play. She blamed her sister. When K tried to hug or kiss S, S cried. She was a screamy baby and wouldn’t stop screaming until I held her, which made K mad. When S was 6 weeks old K was throwing tantrums all the livelong day, yelling and screaming and kicking and declaring her hate for her sister, her mother, her daddy, life in general. When S stopped screaming, calmed down, and became a happy baby, somewhere around 4 months, I took her to my friends house. My friend has girls the same age as K and S, and we let the older girls play together, it really helped. K decided she loved us again, she wasn’t mad anymore, she stopped with the tantrums, and therefore didn’t spend all day in time outs. This was around 7 months. She started hiding all her toys from her sister, she didn’t want her sister to play with her, it was a bit mean. There we went again. My K is a drama queen. When S was 18 months old we found out we were expecting again. This time was completely different. When O was born and S was wonderful. K went through another bad period, but she got over it faster because I didn’t let it escalate. Simply put, K is a drama queen, she has never reacted well to other people taking things from her, be it toys, old clothes, or mommy’s time. S has been laid back since was 4 months old, she doesn’t cry, get mad, or need to be held forever. We decided to have one more baby, and we ended up with twins, Q and M. K was in kindergarten, she did better. She didn’t ever help, but she didn’t lose her ever loving mind every time somebody moved. S was great, my little helper, O was a bi of a lump, he just played and ate all the time. K is the only kid in our famly who reacted badly to a new sibling, and I think Thats Just Her. I think if, in 15 years, I were to have another baby (not that I will!!!), K would have the same feelings. In a more mature way, yes, but still. Jealousy. I can’t wait for this kid to hit puberty. (NOT)

MizMolly on April 21st, 2009

My son and daughter are 25 months apart. My son has been excited about his little sister since we brought her home two months ago from the hospital. He constantly wants to hold her. My husband and I also find his little cars in her bouncy chair, swing and car seat all the time because our son likes to share his toys with her. We hope this isn’t a phase and lasts.

Alex on April 21st, 2009

This isn’t about my own children, but I have a friend (who shall remain nameless) who reacted to the birth of her baby brother (they are now 27 and 24 respectively) just fine until it came to bringing baby boy home from the hospital, at which point big sister, who had been waiting at home with proud grandmother, threw herself to the ground on the front path to block her parent’s way into the house and screamed “Take it back! I don’t want it!”. I don’t know when they made their peace, but they are quite docile around each other now!

MZ on April 21st, 2009

So far I just have my son, so not sure how he’ll react to a sibling when the time comes, but my mother said I was awful when my siblings were born. My brother and I are 25 months apart and I was very jealous…apparently I hit him with a cereal box while he was breastfeeding! My sister and I are 7 years apart. I remember being very excited to have a sister, but my brother and I had both been seriously ill when we were born (I spent 2 years mostly in the hospital) and my sister was born healthy. This didn’t bother me until I heard my dad telling people that my sister was his princess and he was so glad to finally have a healthy baby. I thought my parents loved her more b/c she was healthy, so I was jealous for awhile. In retrospect I realize it must have been a relief for my parents to not have to worry about losing a child and that Dad didn’t mean anything by it, but I am also going to be very careful to not compare my kids in that way down the road.

KB on April 21st, 2009

My oldest son (J) is 4 years older than his brother. He was very excited to see his new brother (C) and always eager to help. They are 6 and 2 now and they adore each other. I will say the first year was tough. J was never outwardly jealous of C and was never mean to him, but he did regress behaviourly. He would cry at the drop of a dime and his feelings were very easily hurt. We just worked hard to reassure him that we loved him too. I made sure to take him on Mommy and J dates every now and then. Now he can’t stand to go anywhere without his little brother. It’s quite cute.

Heather on April 21st, 2009

My 1st was fabulous when our 2nd was born…very affectionate and always eager to lend a helping hand. However, my 2nd was a little apprehensive when our 3rd was born. She chose to just stand back and watch when he came home. She was excited about being a big sister, BUT also a little confused by the whole thing. It took her a couple of weeks to warm up. Once she did however, she more than made up for it! She plays with him nonstop and is extremely protective….and he loves his “sissy” watching over him!

Leah on April 21st, 2009

The age difference in my kids is 2 years 9 months ( literally got pregnant about 5 days before his 2nd birthday). During the pregnancy my son was very excited, liked to rub my belly and feel the baby move.

Once my daughter was born it was adorable – we have a picture of the 1st time my son saw her – looking at her like “oh…this is what they meant!”. He has always been very sweet and loving towards her, from the day we brought her home (when we came in the door he ran to get his fave book and read it to her).

We did go thru some adjustment issues but none of it was directed @ the baby. It was mostly defiance and him expressing himself thru tantrums (which was new territory) and I think he was just trying to deal with all the changes.

We made it thru though and now my daughter is 6 months – my son is still loving on his sister. I am wondering what it’ll be like once she’s mobile!

Isa on April 21st, 2009

My oldest was 22 months when my second was born. When I started to show, she would lay her head on my stomach, but it was evident that she was too young to grasp what was going on. When my second daughter was born, my oldest wanted to be around me 24/7. My fiance would take her for walks or to various places around town for bonding time of their own but she just wasn’t having it. She’d throw tantrum after tantrum and just wasn’t a happy camper. It definitely was an adjustment but after awhile things settled down. My second daughter is extremely independent and that was evident from day one so it was easier to make sure I was giving my oldest enough attention. Today, the two are polar opposites and rarely get along. My oldest wants a playmate who will let her be the boss and enjoy the things she likes (i.e. ballet, princesses, etc.) while my other daughter thinks she can do everything on her own and begs for a brother daily to wrestle with, play sports, and discuss dinosaurs with.

Considering my second is so different from my first, I was interested to see the reaction she’d have when I got pregnant with my third. When my daughter was born, my oldest was thrilled at the prospect of having a real life baby doll and my other daughter didn’t show interest at all. She wasn’t ignoring the situation but she just decided that it didn’t affect her one bit so she continued on as usual. My third is incredibly easy going so the transition from two to three kids was a lot better than I expected.

My fourth baby was a complete surprise and came 14 months after the third. Although it’s been extremely overwhelming at times, it makes things interesting. Already, at six months, my daughter is quite animated and feisty so I have no idea what to expect once she starts walking and talking.

Natasha on April 21st, 2009

It’s not about my own children but I remember in David Beckham’s book reading about when Brooklyn first met Romeo after he was born. He said something like he didn’t even have to tell Brooklyn to be gentle because he knew how precious his baby brother was and Brooklyn just held him and was touching his face. He said that those boys have been as close as ever since his birth. It was really sweet!

amy on April 21st, 2009

I have a 3 year old daughter and a 3 week old son and my daughter is doing GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!! She loves her baby brother so much! She is a wonderful helper. I think 3 years is the perfect time between them

Rachael on April 21st, 2009

My son and daughter are only 20 months apart. My son was very verbal–and since he was our first–we read him countless books about new babies. We got him a “I’m the Big Brother” t-shirt we talked all the time about babies and what it would be like to be a big brother, we showed him pictures of the baby in mommy’s tummy and my husband and I picked out a present to him from the new baby–okay, we went a little nuts. Anyway, when my husband brought him to the hospital to meet his new baby sister he marched into the hospital room (the hubby videotaping of course) and looked around and saw a nurse holding the baby and my sweet, sensitive 20 month old declares…”Hey lady, you better be careful with MY sister!” —–He adores his sister and the two have been inseparable since, for her part she thinks he’s a god–we plan to show that video at his wedding

Liz on April 21st, 2009

My daughter was 2 years 3+ months when our son was born. She was a pro, an absolute natural big sister from the beginning. It was really and still is really wonderful to watch. Our son will always have 2 moms, me and our daughter. LOL

special agent oso on April 21st, 2009

Upon visiting his baby sister for the very first time my son screamed “I DON’T WANT A BABY SISTER, I WANNA RIDE THE ELEVATOR”. We have it on tape, it’s the funniest thing and I can’t wait to show him when he is older.

Alex on April 21st, 2009

Rachael – can I adopt your son? That is the most adorable story I think I’ve ever heard!

Angela Lake on April 21st, 2009

I don’t have any kids, but here is the story of my brother and I. We are just short of 3 years apart, if I had come when I was supposed to there would be almost 3 years and a month between us. From the time my brother could understand that there was a baby coming he called me Angela, after his favorite character on Reading Rainbow, I think. When I was born and turned out to be a girl, my parents decided they couldn’t call me anything else. Our relationship was good from the get go. But like anybody, when we hit our teen years we had problems. We are now 25 and 28, and our relationship is strong, we have bonded more now then we did when we were younger.

Jaimi on April 21st, 2009

My 3 and 1/2 year old ADORES her new baby brother who was born 3 months ago. She came to the ultrasound with us and when she heard it was a boy she cried (she wanted a sister!), but as time went on she got excited and now he is a real life baby doll to her. She is very helpful to me getting his diapers and picking out clothes for him. Now she is just ready for him to be able to play with her!

Jess from Ohio on April 21st, 2009

I don’t have kids, but I’ve been told many stories of my brothers and I. K is almost three years older than me and D is 18 months and a day younger than me. K picked my name after Jessica Rabbit and loved being a big brother. He was always very gentle with me because as a big brother he felt it was his job to protect. He still is that way. And being four and a half years older than D, he was very gentle with him also because he was old enough to understand and really wanted to help out more since he was older. I really enjoyed having a little brother my mom said even though I was just a little tot. I loved to help out and bring diapers. I was also learning body parts when he was first born, so I would touch his eyes and stick my finger up his nose and repeat the word. My mother taped these moments thankfully lol. And don’t worry, the little bro was not harmed and I didn’t poke hard lol.

Phoebe on April 21st, 2009

My children don’t really react. My son was 12 months and 3 days old when our second son was born. He had no idea what was going on, and nothing really changed for him. When our second son was 14 months old I had another baby boy. My middle boy was too young to grasp the situation, but my oldest payed attention. Once he figured out he was going to get another little brother he was happy, he doesn’t really remember being the only child, so he’s okay. I had twin boys 3 years later, and the older three were so cute, they helped me take care of the boys. It was great when I could send one for diapers, another for a bottle, and the other for the wipes. Older children can be handy.

When the twins were 5, and my older boys were 8, 9, and 10, I had a baby girl. They adore her, they’re absolutely wrapped around her tiny little 4 month old finger. I’m very proud that my children can handle many siblings, it’s chaotic at times but wonderful all the same.

Amber on April 21st, 2009

I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother at age three!!

He loves his sister, but stays out of her face. After hearing lots of horror stories, I’m so grateful.

jen on April 22nd, 2009

My son was almost 18 months when my daughter was born. He didn’t have a clue what was going on. She’s been here as long as he can remember. There was no preparation. He didn’t understand the whole baby in tummy thing. He got tons of attention before and after, I’m glad about it now…since I was almost nutty the first few month.

Kat on April 22nd, 2009

my first was 18mo 8days old when my 2nd was born.

much like with my first, my 2nd had jaundice and had to stay in the hospital longer than I had to… so, while I nested with him and stayed the whole 5 days… I did come home after the first 3-4 days for a visit with my older son… gave him some attention alone and, because we had opted not to take him to the hospital so he wouldn’t then have to leave Mommy there, it gave him time to welcome me home before he had to welcome his new brother.

When we brought the baby home 1-2 days later, Mommy was old news… oh, she’s back again… and it was all about the excitement of the little bundle in the infant seat.

We also took a big bunch of advice from my mother-in-law, who had raised 5 kids and knew siblings backwards and forwards by making the whole thing all about our oldest. It was all… wow, you’re a big brother now… praising him for all the things he could do as a big brother, giving him a doll so he could imitate what we were doing caring for baby if he wanted, and, even though he was so young, we encouraged help.

When I was still trying to get my milk to come in (it never did and we ended up on formula after the first 4wks… when he was losing and getting dehydrated and we knew it was time to give up), he would “help” (I put this in quotations cause you know they only think they are helping) put his brother up to latch on and stroke his head. We’d sit and read stories while baby was nursing (this continued when we had to move to bottles), and he loved being able to bring diapers or “help” give the baby a pacifier.

As I obviously still had my first in a crib… when the time came that we were needing to transition the baby to the crib, before we made our decision to get a toddler bed for my oldest instead of getting a 2nd crib, we asked him… do you think we should get baby a new crib and have you sleep in your crib, or do you want him to sleep in your old crib?

He wasn’t talking yet, but he was able to easily convey nonverbally that he wanted to give his crib to his brother and have a “big boy” bed (it was handed down from his cousin, so we put it in the room and he showed us easily what he wanted and nodded that he wanted the baby to use his crib)

When we did move to bottles, he still “helped” during feedings by helping get his brother started feeding.

Honestly, with both boys, I was worried much more when my daughter came along, as she was almost 3yrs younger than my 2nd. I was relieved when my oldest seemed kind of uninterested and bored by it. He would talk about it and was happy at the prospect of another baby for his brother to play with when he wanted alone time with me or me and his dad, and in the stuff we did to prepare, but he had gone through it once and, while it probably wasn’t fresh in his mind, getting a new sibling was something he’d done before.

But I was still relieved because my 2.5yr old wouldn’t talk about the new baby… he regressed somewhat in his behavior and then, when the baby came, got jealous. He wanted to still be sure that he was my baby… he’d been the baby so much longer (another whole year).

So I let my oldest do what he wanted… to show off being the oldest by helping… I let him help me change diapers so I could do it with one hand while I had my younger son in my other arm…

I let him help feed the baby food when she started solids, so that, when this made my younger son want mommy to feed him sometimes, I could do that, till I got in more of a rhythm of “bite for her… bite for him”

Fortunately, the jealousy didn’t last forever and, even when it was going on, because we were very careful to reinforce his babyhood and lavish on the praise for his good behavior, my younger one never expressed the jealousy in any negative way toward his sister, and it passed quickly.

Jessica on April 22nd, 2009

I was 2 when my sister was born and EXTREMELY jealous. It didn’t let up over time, either- our entire early childhood was a pattern of me doing nasty things and my sister, sweet kid, totally misunderstanding them. She thought I was the best big sister… When she was somewhat older I put her in the toilet and tried to flush her. She loved it, though, and after that used to climb into the bowl and flush herself and giggle!

We weren’t cute together like a lot of the posters’ kids seem to be- but I did love my sister and I was extremely protective of her. No one but me was allowed to pick on her!

Lisa on April 22nd, 2009

My girls are two years apart and I don’t think the older one even noticed the baby until she was able to get in her way. Now they are inseperable as teenagers as each one has their place. The oldest gets everything first, the most attention (which works well if it is praise and not as well if that attention is criticism). She is a super over achiever and our pride. The baby is so different and everyone adores her as her spirit is full of fire and sensitivity. She is draining on a daily basis but her unpredictability is our joy. I have never had to have a playdate as they have each other and I hope that goes for the remainder of their years together. I could not have planned for a better relationship than my girls have and have always had.

Kourtnei on April 22nd, 2009

Wow I’m not even sure how little miss Ainsley, my 4 1/2 year old, will react when I finally give in and tell her I’m pregnant…with TWINS! I think she’s old enough to not be too clingy and selfish about having to share me, but idk. I hope she’s cool with it lol

theyearofasking on April 22nd, 2009

My sister was an only child for a couple years before I came along. When I arrived, she was very upset (my parents told her she would be getting a new playmate, a present, she didn’t see it that way!). She didn’t get over her resentment until we were both in college in separate states. But now we are very good friends.

FC on April 22nd, 2009

Hmm, I was born two days before my third brother’s 5th birthday, so he was mad, thinking I was going to ruin things and he wasn’t going to have his birthday party. (He still had it, just minus my mother) It was rocky ever since, lmao. Now that we’re both grown, we’re okay with each other now, not so much like oil and water. Though we still have our moments…ha! Nothing knock down-drag out, though..hehe.

Nikki on April 23rd, 2009

My son Simon had been begging for a baby brother or sister for years and I had been trying to have another since he had turned a year old, to no avail. In 2006 I suffered a very bad miscarriage and resigned myself that I wouldn’t have another. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was pregnant in August 2007! Simon helped pick out all of his clothing, toys, gear and furniture and was even there when I had a 4D ultrasound to find out the sex..another boy! (I wanted a girl) Simon finally got his baby brother in March 2008 and he was so excited…at first. There is a seven year difference in their ages and, even though I explained that the baby would require a lot of attention, he didn’t quite realize just how much. Simon began acting out, out of jealousy, things were so hard around the house for a while. One day it just stopped and it was as if it had never happened. He truly loves his little brother Liam and plays with and helps out with him at every opportunity. Simon has even helped pick out their swim trunks for the summer…matching Spiderman and he’s looking forward to helping out with him at the pool. He really does love his baby brother!

Jen on April 23rd, 2009

My son was 21months when his new baby brother was born. So far… it’s only been 7 weeks but he’s been great with him. He wants to try and hold him which he doesn’t understand he’s not big enough yet lol. He loves him so much I think he’s going to hurt him sometimes. Always wants to lay next to him and goes and gets his toys to share. I’m excited to have them this close even though it wasn’t planned I just think I want to wait longer between our next child.

Serina on April 23rd, 2009

My twin boys Brevin and Keiran were 4 years old when my son Peirce was born. Brevin took to being a big brother like fish to water. He loved it, wanted to feed the baby and hold him. He would try to figure out what was wrong when Peirce cried just an all around good big brother. Keiran since the day he was born had always been my laid back little man, just went with the flow and didn’t let things bother him. But it seemed like the minute I walked through the door with the baby someone flipped a switch and he turned into a mean, cranky, irritable little boy. Who threw tantrums and refused to listen to his mom, he had no problem listening to his father, I was the evil one. I would always ask him if he loved his baby brother he’d scream no at me and tell me he didn’t like him. I decided the best thing to do was to tell him that that was okay and he could be angry and upset that Peirce came in and took some of his time away from him but it wasn’t good to be mean and nasty. He finally settled down when Peirce got older and Keiran could play with him and mommy could spend a little more time with him. Now we are expecting out daughter Stacy in a few months and I can only wonder how my 7 yearolds and 3 year old will react to her.

Lorelei on April 24th, 2009

My son was 24 months when my daughter was born. When he came to the hospital to meet her and see me he was more fascinated with the balloons I had received then his baby sister – that idyllic fantasy was shot. When we came home the only thing I remember him saying was “Put that baby down” and “Put that baby away”. Being hormonal and all I was crushed. It did get better until she started touching his things. It all worked out in the end though. We had our third 16 months after the second and now at 13, 11 and 9 they get along – for the most part.

Rachel-Jane on April 25th, 2009

My mother used to pinch her baby sister (there’s 3 years between them) til she cried, then go running to their mother shouting “THE BABY’S CRYING!”. They still argue and bicker now even though they’re in their 50s.

I took to my sisters well both times, although when my first sister was born (I was 19 months old) I wailed and howled for my father after he went back to work after a couple of weeks paternity leave. With my brother I was not that bothered (I was 5 and a half), other than being glad he was a boy (I told my mum that if the baby was a girl not to bother bringing it home, I was bored of sisters). My younger sisters took very well to him, the elder particularly who treated him as her living doll.

kathyN on April 25th, 2009

MY kids are 14 mos apart and when i brung my son home my 14 mos old walked up to him and said my baby and slapped him!! now they are 15 and 16 and totally inseperable!! I love my 2 kids and they love each other and are the best of friends and all of her friends think hes cute and vice versa!!

Kayla on April 26th, 2009

When I told my 3 year old daughter, Montgomery, that she was gonna have a baby brother she was disappointed, not that she wasnt gonna be the baby anymore but that she wouldnt have a little sister to play with. When I had to go to the hospital to deliver my son Liam Daniel Alexander, now 3weeks, there was a surprise, I was wondering why I was soo big and went into labor early then I remembered my doctor saying there were 2 heartbeats and me thinking “OH WELL THAT IS MINE AND THE BABYS” when I gave birth to Kellan I thought I was dont but he said there was no stopping because there is another baby and out pops the little girl Montgomery wanted so we let her name it and she named her Stella Courtney Dawn. She was extremely happy and now helps with them only if she can play with Stella after.