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Melissa Joan Hart Will Keep Going Until She Gets a Girl

04/20/2009 at 01:00 PM ET
Landov

Many women feel that the demands of motherhood are unparalleled, and Melissa Joan Hart is no exception. The 33-year-old actress notes in a new interview with OK! that having worked since she was four, she’s in a unique position to know. “I’ve had every kind of job,” she explains. “I’ve worked every kind of hours in different conditions and cities and places and I would say being a mom is the hardest job there is.” Still, Melissa admits she’s anxious to do it again! Already mom to Mason Walter, 3, and Braydon ‘Brady’ Hart, 13 months, the My Fake Fiancé star is thinking pink next time around.

“I want to try for a girl and if we don’t have a girl, I’ll try again for a girl but if we do have a girl, I’ll try again for a sister.”

Offering advice to first-time expectant moms, Melissa says to savor their pre-baby freedom. “See movies, read books and sleep, because you’ll never do those things again,” she jokes. Another luxury? Free time with your spouse! Melissa says that she has to work to carve out time each day for her husband Mark Wilkerson. “Mainly our date nights are 8 p.m., when the kids are in bed, then we sort of cuddle up and watch TV,” she explains.

“What we’ve been doing lately, a new little trick, we’ve been meeting up at Starbucks. We’ll text each other real quick – ‘Want to meet at Starbucks?’ We have a little afternoon secret meeting at Starbucks that ends up being so much fun.”

My Fake Fiancé aired Sunday on the ABC Family Channel.

Source: OK!

– Missy

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lily on

She should thank her lucky stars that she has two healthy little babies’ boys but if she tries and end up pregnant with a baby girl I bet she will be as beautiful mason and brayden

Blue on

I am sure that she IS thankful that she has two healthy boys… nothing wrong with her wanting a girl. I never get the big fuss over this (don’t see anything yet but there are always tons of post slamming people with a preference). It’s fine to have a preference as long as you love the child what does it matter?

Shawna on

Lily – why would you assume she is not grateful for her boys? I don’t think she has EVER said anything to make anyone think that she is not head over heels for her boys. It is not uncommon for someone with two children of the same sex to hope for the opposite sex the next time. I had one boy and then with my second I really, really, really wanted a girl. Is that wrong? I don’t think so (I did get my girl, and then a bonus girl after that).

Chelsea on

lily, I don’t think Melissa was saying she isn’t happy/grateful with/for her two little boys (not sure if that’s what you were implying)…I think it’s natural to want a daughter if you have two boys already. She obviously loves her kids.

Randi on

I’m sure she is very happy for her two healthy beautiful children. But if she wants to have a little girl all the more power to her. She seems to be such a wonderful mother and I can’t stand when people get on celebs or whomever it is about wanting a girl or a boy. It doesn’t mean that they would be unhappy with what they got. I have a two year old little girl and my husband and I are considering adding other little bundle to the mix and to be perfectly honest we would like to have a boy but another little girl would make me just as happy. God Bless!!

Ryo on

Why does everyone always say that? “She should be thankful for what she HAS!” Like she isn’t already. It’s perfectly natural to have a preference for a son or daughter, especially if you already have a child of a certain sex. It doesn’t mean she would trade her boys in for a girl, it just means she hopes the next one will be a girl. And I doubt it means she won’t love the next one if it’s a boy.

Natasha on

Well it’s ok to say you want a girl after having boys but not ok to say you want a boy after having girls according to today’s society.

Gemini on

why does everytime someone states their desire for a specific sex people get all up in arms over it? so what if someone has a preference or would like a girl after having a boy or two or vice versa….it’s not as if they are saying they aren’t happy with what they already have, they are simply stating that they would like to have another child preferably of a certain sex…it is NOT a big deal and I honestly do not get WHY people feel the need to make it an issue

stedine on

good luck Melissa, your two boys are adorable. When I have kids I want both sexes as well. My mom had 3 girls then finally at 40 she had my baby brother. She has a friend though that wanted a daughter so bad but ended up with 8 sons.

Jess on

*sigh* It’s time for the usual CBB flamewar over celebs’ comments made in passing. Hence we must all now read far deeper into the comment than was meant, and post 200 times needlessly whilst arguing.

I on the other hand, would love to see Melissa with a little girl or two, and I’m sure she would welcome two more boys just the same.

Alex on

I see nothing wrong with having a preference at all, and Melissa seems like a great mum. The ONLY time there is a problem with preferences is if a child is treated differently because they were not the sex that was hoped for, and given the way Melissa speaks about her boys, that isn’t even a thought here. With that in mind, I get why people are bothered by people saying that want one sex over the other, but I think the concern is premature in most cases, because most mums and dads love their babies whatever bits they have, and that is what really matters.

babyboopie on

I ADORE Melissa and her family! I hope if she has a girl, to name her Madeleine, ” Maddie”, as it goes really well with Mason and Brady. I cannot wait til she has the next baby!

Becky on

Quick question. I totally get the struggle to spend time with your spouse when you have young children. A friend recently told me her husband is having a boy’s weekend alone with a guy friend in NYC and that she is having a girl’s weekend next month. I was baffled and confused about this. I barely have time to be alone with my own spouse far less be away from him and the kids for a weekend of recreation??? I am out of the loop or doing something wrong?

aubrey madeline on

When Melissa was pregnant with Brady she said if was a girl she liked the name Madeline but it was too many m names in the family Melissa Mason Mark Madeline

XOXO on

Good luck Melissa, hope you get the little girl you want! Mason and Brady are so cute!!!!

Here is an anecdote…my uncle has been married twice, with his first wife, they really wanted a girl and they had 3 boys, then my uncle married again, and they wanted a girl so so so bad…they had 4 boys! lol now my uncle says he hope to one day having a grandaughter! lol (PS. he LOVES his sons very much, just want to make it clear before some bashes my poor uncle LOL)

Lisa on

I love Melissa Joan Hart and she has a beautiful family. Her husband is gorgeous, Mason is a cutie and Brady is precious! I remember from the start she said she wanted 4 kids, but wanted to wait until her late 30s to have the other 2 children. I think it is easier said than done, because this interview makes it seem like she doesnt want to wait that long! I understand her want for a daughter and I love how she is honest about it! I wonder if she has 2 more sons if she will still try for a daughter…. I bet she will have a daughter though, although i know many people with 4 sons it is likely she will have a daughter!

kris on

Becky, right there with you. I guess it’s just personal preference.

Love Melissa and her 3 handsome guys. Best of luck to them. I could see them with a whole brood. Doesn’t she come from a fairly large family?

Tulips on

I would just *love* to have another baby and could not care less about the gender. I know people who are struggling with infertility and would do anything for one healthy baby. It seems such a luxury to say, “I’m just going to keep going until I have a girl.”

I don’t think it’s a wrong thing to say, but if you’ve lived through the pain of infertility (primary or secondary), you realize with comments like this that you’ve had a very different experience than some people.

Sam & Freya's Mum on

Would be nice for Melissa to have a little girl but can see botyh sides of argument. As a mum of 6 week prem son followed by a miscarriage, I think long as bub is healthy is main thing & mean that, but on other hand objectively I can understand/imagine having a preference to be honest too, if I had two sons; we had a girl 2nd time around. While our priority was that she was ok (had regular scans due to pre-eclampsia with 1st pregnancy, no guarantee would/wouldn’t have it again but didn’t thankfully and went to just over 38 weeks with daughter) before finding out gender. Once we got over surprise of finding out bub was a ‘she’, it was great to have one of each, nice surprise! Especially as we aren’t having more than 2, being older at 36 when I had her 15mths ago. A bonus on the side as we saw it as hubby and I both thought we’d have a 2nd son. had a surprise with Sam first time but for some reason was curious to get head around it too, wanted to find out 2nd time as she was our last, and to experience both and don’t regret finding out but was worried about getting past 18 weeks initially. Naturally people were thrilled we had one of each and we get comments although you can’t have a huge control over gender have, way it worked out, have to admit is nice to have one of each gender as would’ve always wondered what it was like to have a girl. Despite that, you love the child you have of course, so would’ve been happy with another son as boys are a heap of fun & can be sweet to mum and affectionate. Now, do like experiencing having both sexes in the house, is interesting how diff they are! – an eye opener with each of them & for them understanding opposite sex we figure when older?!! Lots of fun with both boys and girls, our son is cruisier and active of course but daughter’s louder, a squealer, let she knows what she wants, similar to what I saw in another posting about tori spelling’s Stella, girls more vocal in our experience, a real character with a mind of her own and more stroppy we’ve found! Freya definitely ‘chats’ more than her big brother did at same age here – and great dressing a girl & that’s from a former tomboy myself & get to enjoy ‘girlie’ things with her arrival, not in an ‘accessory’ kind of way though, lol…

Kayla on

I think she would be just as happy with 10 boys. Most people that have 2 of the same sex children ususally want the next baby of the opposite sex. I have 2 daughters and I’m due in june with a boy. I’m thrilled it’s a boy but I would of been just as thrilled with another girl. Every mother knows children are a blessing no matter what sex the child is.

FC on

I’ll just say I would love to see a girl version of her or Mark. Their boys are beautiful, and I’m sure any girl that may come along would be as well. Then, I’d just have to abscond with the boys, her daughter, and her husband. I have my work cut out for me….;)

gianna on

Um so in other words she will keep going, no matter the sex lol. If her 3rd child is a girl, and she tries for a 4th and it’s another boy, what than, keep trying fr another girl. The whole thing sounds silly, she might have a girl3rd time, but there’s no guarantee she will have another girl, so that there’s 2 sisters. I think honestly everybody would love to experience having a son and daughter at one point in their lives, but honestly the most important thing is healthy children. Not to mention some people can’t even have one child, i’m sure they would welcome boy or girl. The whole thing about wanting a sister for a girl, and so on and so forth silly. Siblings are siblings, i’m extremly close to my brother, so was my mom to her brother. In a perfect world you could say ok 2 boys and 2 girls please, but you see plenty of people with say 3 boys and 1 girl or 2 girls and 1 boy, most important thing is having siblings, the sexes don’t count IMO.

kate on

i predict all boys for her!

Allison on

Looks like people are up in arms again about “I want a girl/boy next time around.” I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a preference for gender, as long as you treat all your children as a blessing.

Something no one has mentioned before which is what my husband and I did: adopt. We had a boy first (biological) and knew we wanted a girl. We only wanted two children. We had always wanted to adopt anyway, so we did the international adoption thing (China) and got our baby girl in 2005.

That way, we made sure to get the gender we wanted, and we got a child from an orphanage that would have never likely had a decent life in her country. Yes, adoption is expensive, but we have friends from all income levels who have made it work.

By they way, we love both our children the same and see both of them as a blessing in our lives.

ames on

i think sometimes it leaves a bitter taste in the mouths of people who have gone through some form of infertility. It has nothing to do with us coming down on a quote from a celebrity….it has nothing to do with her being a celebrity at all… Its just that when you barely have a choice to have one baby at all, its hard to hear about someone else being picky about what sex they would prefer. (seems a bit shallow)
I’m sure she loves and will love any babies she may have, no one is doubting that. I just find it a bit tacky and insensitive to vocalise your preference for the sex of your children.
Just my opinion….

gianna on

Kate since her first pregnancy with mason, I posted here I picture her as a mom to 3-4 sons. I don’t think she will have any daughters, I always felt like that about victoria beckham and britney too.

marlee on

They should try the Shettles method for conception — I swear it worked for me four times in a row – boy, girl, girl, boy!

Courtney on

Tulips and Ames….

I understand what you are saying, but I truely believe that if you haven’t been thru it, you can’t. There is no way to describe the feeling of begging God to let you have just one baby, while others openly acknowledge or even brag about how they will just keep going till they get what they want. But, I learned a long time ago, that altho there is pain hearing someone say something like that, her fertility has no bearing on my own. I had to let it go.

Melissa is a great mom, she obviously loves her boys. No one knows what the future may hold. So she might have a girl or she might have 4 boys…Im sure either way she will be happy..:)

Ruthella on

Marlee; the Shettles method definitely DIDN’T work for me!

We did everything for a girl, and conceived a boy, whom we sadly lost at 21 weeks. After that, once we had decided to try once more (we already had two healthy boys) I didn’t want to hang around, so we just ‘went for it’ on the day of OV, which is supposed to get a boy, got pregnant first cycle…and out popped my beautiful daughter :)

I understand where Melissa is coming from, I desperately wanted a girl. Really, truly, desperately. And since she was born, I have been happier than I ever imagined. I don’t love my boys any less, I just always wanted a daughter, my whole life. In fact, ideally, I would have picked out two boys and a girl which is exactly what we got in the end, after a bit of heartache and sadness in the middle.

Good Luck to her (and her husband), they seem like very loving parents :)

Zoey on

I loved her in her new movie.
i want a boy and girl of course most people want that.
But if i get to 2 girls i would try for a boy.
if i get 2 boys i would try for a girl. if i didn’t a girl that time I would try for a girl one more time. then after that it i am done!
4 would be lot for me

Anna on

Natasha, I totally agree. When people have 2 girls and then they have a third, people say “Oh 3 girls, how cute!” But then when you have people like Gwen Stefani, all people can talk about is how “I bet they want to try for a girl.”

HollaUp on

For all you infertile women who whine about wanting just one healthy child, should I be offended because my children have disabilities? Are you saying my children aren’t as good because they aren’t “healthy”? I could be offended if I followed your line of thinking that everyone in the world should avoid hurting my feelings but I hold no grudge against people having their dreams of a perfect family. You once dreamed of having children easily but that didn’t happen. I dreamed of having healthy children but that didn’t happen. I learned to be happy for others and not to project my disappointments on them. You should do the same. Translation: grow up.

I hope Melissa gets her girls.

Sarah K. on

“I learned to be happy for others and not to project my disappointments on them. You should do the same. Translation: grow up. I hope Melissa gets her girls.”

You said it perfectly, HollaUp. Just because someone can’t have what she has doesn’t mean she needs to hush up and conceal her dreams. She can have kids, so she speaking from her experience. Her comment was not offensive, tacky, or insensitive. It’s not like only people with bad experiences are allowed to share them.

Gianna, I agree with the overall sentiment of what you said but I disagree about the sex of siblings not making any difference. I think it can. Don’t get me wrong- I love my brother and sister equally. But, I do have a distinctly different relationship with each. My sister and I can share things I can’t necessarily share with my brother. Like, he would NEVER want to hear about boys, gossip, and clothes. However close I am to my brother (and we are close) the relationship is just different.

Sarah M. on

I have a thought. If I followed everyone that is on here, posting negative comments on people stating a preference on the sex of their child, with a tape recorder and over-analyzed EVERYTHING that they said, how annoying would it get over time. (Just a thought.) Because that is what all of you are doing! Yes, she said she wants a girl. She also said that if the next was a boy, she’d try again for a girl. She has stated in a (recent) interview that she wants 4 kids. And it’s not like she has implied in any way that her world would be over if she wound up with 4 boys. Anything that I have EVER read or seen of her, she mentions her boys. And how much fun she has with them. She looks radiant with love for them in ALL of the photos. If she had 2 more boys, I’m sure she’d still feel the same!

I hope you get your girl next time, Melissa! You seem like a WONDERFUL mother!!

Kintch on

Anna and Natasha, please stop with the gender wars, its bull. This has NOTHING to do with “todays society”, its only natural for parents to want children of both gender. I have never seen anyone put down someone for wanting a son after having daughters. I think the thing people wonder about is the fact that she will “keep going” until she gets a girl. My cousin has 3 girls and they will “keep going” until they get a boy (see your theory is inaccurate) and guess what, she is pregnant again……. with another girl… Goodness, the comments on this board frequently reflect a bitterness

JMO on

well if she doesn’t biologically get her girl she could always adopt one!!!

JMO on

oh and I do not see anything wrong with anyone saying they’d like to try for a boy/girl after having a few kids of the same sex. It’s only natural and nobody is saying you love the other children less or you would be upset and/or depressed if it never happened. Some people just want something they dream about having and why should people give up the dream.

Personally I hope and pray that my first baby is a girl. And since I’m not sure I’ll have more then one I’d be content having just one little girl in my life. I want it because I love the bond that my mom and I have and I’d love to have it with my daughter someday if I’m lucky enough. And I also think from helping to raise boys and girls that I’d just do much better with a girl. BUT if I were to have a baby boy instead I wouldn’t be angry or upset. I’d just know that he was meant to be in my life for a reason and I’d love him just like I would any other child that I was blessed to have in my life. But I would never not deny the fact that I would like a girl and nor should I feel ashamed by saying so!!!

Courtney on

“For all you infertile women who whine about wanting just one healthy child, should I be offended because my children have disabilities?”

Telling someone they are whining about being infertile is rather heartless, dontcha think?

I hardly whine about my losses and my years of disapointments. I have 4 children now, 2 of which would not be considered “healthy” but they are MY children. And I would rather have them, the way they are, than none at all. So I am never offended if someone says they want healthy children, I don’t think most people wish for unhealthy children. I think its reaching to draw a corrilation between the 2 camps…

Beverley on

I have 2 boys, and if I were a couple of years younger and didn’t already have a child with autism, I would try again for a girl. I totally get it. And it doesn’t mean that my boys aren’t my whole world. I just want a mother-daughter relationship from the mother point of view.

Christine on

HollaUp – you took the words right outta my mouth!

Beverly, I have 2 boys, one with autism. We got our surprise “bonus baby” – a gorgeous little girl (who came with her own set of health issues). I feel so grateful for all of my children. My daughter has been my sons best “therapy” so to speak.

Ryan on

I hope she gets a girl someday! I would feel the same way! If I had a boy I would want to try for a girl…but I DO think there should be a limit. I know someone who wanted a boy so bad, she wound up having 7 girls before she finally had her boy…and the funniest part was that she had this collective sigh of “relief” that she had a boy and then she wanted to try for a brother for him! Needless to say, she wound up with a girl after her 8th child. She now has 9 kids…8 girls and one boy! I would never go THAT far. I think my limit would be 3 and if it didn’t happen by the third child, I would take it as a sign that I was meant to only raise boys. haha. :)

ames on

wow…..
now i know to never post on this again …

This was the first time I’ve ever commented on this site about something, and truley, it was just my opinion, not me “whining”.

I have a daughter, through IVF, and she was not healthy in the beginning, but thankfully she did come through and now seems to be thriving. I don’t doubt for a moment there are also people out there with different/worse situations than me, but I was only sharing a personal opinion, not to be confused with a whiny rant!

I wish everone the best of luck with all of their children, I just think that the “perfect” family does not constitute an equal amount of sexes, nor does it suggest that everyone be perfectly heathly, because we all know that is not always the case.

I just want people to take a step back and realize what they have instead of what they don’t.

Mary on

wow, all this over her saying she would keep going till she got a girl? call me crazy, but i don’t think she’s the first mother to ever say that. more often than not, women want a little girl. would it have been any different if she simply said we want more kids? ok, then in that case she probably will get a girl eventually, so what is the big deal? people are taking what she’s saying overly literally. i say she should keep going. they obviously make some beautiful little boys, so i can only imagine what their little girl would look like.

sil on

I have 4yrs old girl, and i had a misscarriage last year, then i got pregnant again and i wanted to have another girl! we are expecting a baby girl anytime now (39 weeks) and i don’t feel guilty for wanting to have a girl instead of a boy, althought i lost my baby last year, i think is NORMAL to have preferences in life, OF COURSE i will have loved this baby no matter the sex but i wanted a girl and we are having a girl so i’m happy happy happy :)
I totally understand Melissa, i will do the same if i had two boys. Now that i have my two girls i’m ok because is what i always dreamt of :)
@ HollaUp.- totally agree with your post!

Saeah K. on

Ames, I never got the impression that Melissa didn’t realize what she had. She always sounds completely in love with her boys. Just because you want something doesn’t mean that you don’t love what you already have. Her wanting a daughter does not make her an ungrateful mother.

I wouldn’t have gone so far as to say you were whining, but you were projecting your bad experience with fertility on her when you called her tacky. I think the point HollaUp was trying to make was that we all difficulties that other people don’t have. There are probably a ton of things that you have in your life that I don’t (e.g. a daughter) so I could pout and tell you not to talk about it, but what good would that do? Be happy for that person and move on.

Calling out people for sharing their positive experiences isn’t fair. She didn’t share your bad experience so she obviously can speak about the struggles of infertility. She is still allowed to share her good experiences and desires without people jumping down her throat because they didn’t have it so easy.

Natasha on

Kintch I’m all for saying you want one gender over the other! LOL I think it’s ridiculous when people say that others can’t have a preference. I just didn’t expect everyone to be pulling the “jeeze she’s an idiot” card because usually people only do that when the family has girls and wants a boy. Apparently, it’s more socially acceptable to want a girl after having two boys (instead of vice versa).

Sorry my comment wasn’t clear before.

Natasha on

and Mary, pretty much what you said about “a lot of women want daughters” somehow irks a lot of people when its said “a lot of men want sons”. It’s just a double standard.

Tulips on

I wanted to clarify one thing – when I said “healthy” baby, I was *not* referring to disabilities. I’m sorry if I offended anyone with that wording. I was thinking of a friend who struggled with infertility, went through IVF, gave birth to 3 beautiful babies who were born too prematurely and did not live. Taken out of that context, I can see how “healthy” could be offensive to those of you with beautiful, wonderful children with disabilities. For that, I apologize.

I’m going to step out of the fray now, because in my initial post, I said that it “was not a wrong thing to say” – yet, people interpreted my post as condemning her. I simply pointed out that it is a nice *luxury* to be able to “just keep going….”

I’m out.

Tulips on

Thank you, Thank you, Courtney, for your kind words….and for not taking offense to my poor choice of words.

OK….NOW I’m out – have a great day everyone.

eternalcanadian on

I think what people are taking a bit out of context is the comment that Melissa will “keep going” until she gets a daughter which gives the impression that she’s not happy with having only sons and that her life is not complete without a daughter. The same goes for when people have all daughters and keep going so they can get a son, and then people get all upset, ya know?

denise on

I think MOST all women want a little girl. (I said MOST, I know YOU are the exception), but it is the truth, political correctness aside, everyone does have a prefrence, especailly when getting pregnant isn’t an issue. Girls want girls!

Whitney on

when I was born – my mom had all brothers and her first child was a boy – It was the happiest day of her life – yes I was her doll…..she loves my brother but she wanted a girl so badly!!! The relationship is different and so much more (the I got a sister (aka my best friend)…. however – Melissa grew up with all sisters so maybe her reason s because she loves having that female connection. Hey if she wants 100 kids and has a sexual preference so what…. she can afford it! Good luck to her….

Andria on

I don’t have kids yet, but will probably start trying in the fairly near future. I’ve thought about it a lot and at this point I don’t have a preference either way for the first child, but I’m sure once I had two girls or two boys I’d sort of be hoping for one of the opposite gender next. Just out of basic curiosity, pretty much. You can be grateful for what you have and happy about the sex either way and still have a bit of a preference.

kate on

i can absolutely say with certainty… i didn’t care what any of my kids were. we didn’t find out with any of them. i had girl, girl, boy. as long as they came out healthy, i could have cared less what was between their legs.

Mary on

let’s face it, at the end of the day, it’s all just hoping and wishing. you get what God gives you, and you’re happy with it. you can wish for a boy or a girl, but whatever He gives you is what he gives you. so what difference does it make how Melissa phrased it? if God blessed her with another boy, i’m sure she wouldn’t love him any less, because he would be just as precious as Mason and Brady.

Maggie on

I am the mother of three beautiful little boys. I too keep trying for a girl. So I feel you Melissa! I am pregnant now with number 4…don’t know the sex yet. But even thought I am hoping for a mini-me I will love another boy just the same! I am sure Melissa feels the same way!

LolaCola on

Natasha be thankful you live in a society where girls are appreciated and women can freely voice their opinion of wanting one, because a little over a hundred years ago if you didn’t have a boy you were considered bad goods.
Heck in some countries in the year 2009 you are still considered bad goods if you can’t produce a boy.

tania manifold on

I have 2 boys and i would love a little girl. im very very lucky to have 2 healthy happy boys but i think its only natural to want a girl. nothing wrong with that. dont know why some ppl get so wired up over this issue???

Anne on

I think we all need to remember everyone has a different perspective on these situations. Some women who struggle with infertility are sensitive to these comments because they wish for any baby, regardless of sex. Women with ill or disabled children take offense to the “either, as long as its healthy” comments. Then there are the mothers like myself, who have lost a child. I lost my son when he was two days old due to complications of a heart defect. In future pregnancies, personally, I will never have a gender preference. And while I would obviously wish for by child’s health for his or her sake, if the that was not the situation, then I would simply wish for my baby, and everything else can happen the way it happens. Before my first child, my daughter was born, of course I spent lots of time thinking about what sex the baby would be, looking at all the cute clothes and things. When I found out I was pregnant again, I really had no strong preference, but I did think a boy would be nice. Then we found out about his heart, and all I cared about was him pulling through and being healthy. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. So of course, my personal perspective on this is different – to me, wishing for a certain gender seems so trivial when I know there are much more important things to be thinking about. However, I by no means think its wrong for others to feel this way, as long as they don’t feel differently towards the child if they are not the “preferred” gender. In fact, I am happy for these women, who are able to be relatively carefree during pregnancy and to spend their time considering if they’d like a boy or a girl. Its a blessing, really, to be able to devote your thoughts to things like that. My pregnancy with my son was filled with worry. And I know now that any future pregnancies will probably be filled with all out fear. So do I get all offended, or hurt, or whatever, when I hear a woman expressing these things? No, I feel happy for her that is all she has to worry about, and I hope it stays that way.

Sam and Freya's mum on

Well said, Anne!, agree with you. I had a similar comment to make. earlier above, about seeing both sides, having had a stressful first pregnancy followed by a miscarriage, so we didn’t take ANYTHING for granted, so can understand what you’re saying, not most important thing by any means, and my heart goes out to you after the loss of your little boy and can underestand you not caring about gender, you wanted a healthy child after finding out about your son’s heart. My sister and I both had sons prematurely, our son over 6 weeks or so, which wasn’t hugely early in hindsight but at the time scary enough, esp first time around as parents and preeclampsia made it potentially fatal for both of us. In our case we were nervous first 3 mths or so with recent pregnancy with our 15mth old daughter after miscarriage 4 mths or so before, even longer than that, on tenderhooks after 3 mths that I may develop pre-eclampsia a 2nd time, which thankfully didn’t, but we were also curious as a BONUS if you like, to find out the gender as we hadn’t with son. Health’s the main thing though of course, but was a side thing really for us. It does put things in perspective, without health, what is there – but I agree with you in that people see things from their personal backyard I guess, their personal experiences, so it’s hard if not in their shoes whether it’s infertility, losing a child, personal preference over the gender etc, even if it can be difficult to fathom someone else’s views sometimes, all have diff perspectives.

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