Nancy O'Dell Opens Up About Miscarriage in New Book

Ramey

Nancy O’Dell reveals in her new book, Full of Life Mom-to-Mom Tips I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Pregnant, that prior to welcoming daughter Ashby Grace, 22 months, she suffered a miscarriage.

The experience was eye-opening for the 43-year-old Access Hollywood host not only because it alerted her to a potential fertility problem, but also because she learned that miscarriage happens far more frequently — ending approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies — than she thought. “It’s like this little secret society,” Nancy says. “Nobody really talks about it because it’s just not something that’s pleasant to talk about.” She recalls,

“My doctor told me to look at the positive side. He said it meant I could get pregnant easily. I think the way my doctor phrased it was, ‘It means your plumbing is working.’ It didn’t help with the loss, because the loss was definitely still there, but it definitely made me feel like I wish I had known it was that common because I wouldn’t have gone through that anguish of thinking that I had something wrong with me or that I couldn’t get pregnant again.”

Nancy’s motivation to share her story — along with countless tips and anecdotes — rests with her desire to spare other expectant moms from the many moments she found herself thinking “Why didn’t y’all tell me that?” while pregnant with Ashby. “There were just so many things that came as a complete surprise to me that I wish someone had given me a heads up about,” she says. “Even though it is all so worth it, the things that happen with pregnancy can be shocking, scary and embarrassing.”

Her advice? Pre-register if you plan to pursue a hospital birth, avoid foot massages which can trigger labor, and be proactive about getting help with breastfeeding — the difficulty of which Nancy says left her “completely floored.”

“Nursing is complicated. I literally thought I would take my baby and I would hold her in a cradle position and I would put her on my breast and it would be all nature and instinct and it’s not. The baby doesn’t immediately take… So the vitally important tip is to get a lactation consultant before you give birth.”

Ashby is the first child for Nancy and her husband Keith Zubchevich, who is also dad to sons Tyler, 13, and Carson, 9. Full of Life is available in bookstores now.

Source: Access Hollywood

– Missy

Comments

I’m really surprised at the “avoid foot massages which can trigger labor” thing. I don’t have children myself (yet), but any pregnant friend or co-worker of mine was all but happy to get a foot massage from their partners, especially in the evening as they said helped them sleep better.

- Aelys on April 11th, 2009

As a women who experienced a miscarriage I am glad that celebrities are speaking out. You feel so alone! It is heart breaking and discouraging and you lose that innocence of getting pregnant and being completely excited because you are so scared to experience that loss, not to say everyone feels this way of course but after speaking with so many women in a group board I realized we all feel alone at one point because we are still silently grieving while everyone else thinks we have moved on. It is a huge loss! If anyone has experienced a miscarriage and would like to talk or needs support please email me!
[e-mail]

- bren on April 11th, 2009

I wish someone told me about the foot massage, I thought since I was nearing the end of my pregnancy I’d get a pedicure with a full foot massage since I couldn’t reach my feet anymore, 2 hours after I was having contractions 3 minutes apart and in the hospital! I was only 37 weeks, luckily they calmed down and my water broke 10 days later. This book is a great idea!

- jessica on April 11th, 2009

Im going to pre-register on Thursday in my hospital (and hope of the tour too… ) Good tip about the massages, i didn’t know, i dont want go to past 39 weeks so ill look into it lol…

But as for the m/c i dont think that’s true noone tells. This is actually a very known thing, that lots of pg end in m/c and if you just look up pretty much any article about pregnancy or first trimester on internet, it’s often mentioned as well…

- Molly on April 11th, 2009

i suffered a miscarriage inbetween the pregnancies of both of my children. it was very difficult and the “what did i do to cause this” feeling is awful. its good to hear celebrities speaking out about it.

as for nursing, i guess i was lucky. both of my children were just like she stated. i put them to the breast and they took to it like nature instincted.

- bec on April 11th, 2009

What were women doing before the ever needed lactation consultant? I know some babies have a hard time latching, but really just how necessary is it for everyone?

- Anon on April 11th, 2009

I am not surprised about the foot massage stuff. Just talk to any accupressure or accupuncture specialist and you’ll be surprised at how many points on the feet connect to the rest of the body and result in certain things such as labour (which work great if you’re overdue, but not if you aren’t due). Who knows how many pregnancies a foot massage may have ended earlier than expected? I’d like to see some research about that, especially if there’s a relationship between foot massages and miscarriages.

- eternalcanadian on April 11th, 2009

oops, no edit feature, i meant acupressure and acupuncture.

- eternalcanadian on April 11th, 2009

I agree completely with Nancy about the miscarriage secret. Its unfortunate for two reasons. 1) many women are totally unprepared for it when it happens (like I was-it was an utter shock) and 2) the grief is minimized because the baby wasn’t “real” to just about anyone else. Women aren’t allowed to grieve after miscarriage even though many feel the need to.

Also, as for the lactation consultant and nursing issues-I had no problem nursing my first two (we’ll see how it goes with #3) but many hospitals have FREE lactation consultants who will help after delivery. Its NOT necessary to see one before you even have the baby, in my opinion.

- Amanda on April 11th, 2009

Although I agree that nursing does not always come as easily as people might think, and that a lactation consultant is an excellent idea for those that run into problems, it is not always necessary to hire an expert before the baby is born. A simple breastfeeding class can be helpful, though, so maybe Nancy was just referring to something like that. I have to say that in my experience and that of my friends, if you are fully committed to nursing, your chance of success is so much better. Seems like the more that people analyze it, wondering if they are doing it right or wrong, wondering if the baby is getting enough or not, etc….the harder it is. Remember, human beings have been nursed since the beginning of time.

- BostonMom on April 11th, 2009

Most woman probably dont need a lactation consultant, but those who do, they are getting an extreme benefits out of seeking out one. I would imagine they save themselves lots of trouble and frustration

- Molly on April 11th, 2009

I’m glad Nancy went on to have a healthy baby girl. We also experienced a miscarriage between our two kids, 8 1/2 weeks along. We had been fortunate to conceive pretty much straight away with the prgnancy and the one prior. Was a sad time, but no one really talks about it, they’re sympathetic and all but no one can understand really unless they’ve gone through it. Very empty, sad feeling as I rememer, this was nearly 2 1/2 years ago now for us. Glad to say we went on to have a little girl in January 08. I was worried we wouldn’t conceive, and when we did 5 mths after miscarriage (being 35 was worried that I may have recuring miscarriages if I did get preg again, who knows, but in our case it was genetic and just not meant to be, sadly, but helped to know I was fertile after two pregnancies), was nervous every time I went to the toilet that I’d miscarry again. Didn’t relax until we got to past 14 weeks or so. Definitely didn’t take anything for granted because of it (also had preelcampsia with our son who’s 4 1/2 now so had a stressful run with first two pregnancies really!). We feel blessed to have Sam and now Freya in our lives. She’s our last which was special, if hadn’t had the miscarriage, sad as it was at the time, wouldn’t have tried again and had her so that’s how I got thru it – although if we didn’t would obviously be more difficult to deal with it on an onging basis with friends of ours now having their 2nd kids. She’s now and made our family complete, happy with our boy and girl and nice to have one of each but gender was irrelvant after miscarriage, just a bonus, peopleay how lucky we are ahving boy/girl as we know most with kids of same sex, but we honestly would’ve been thrilled with another son, we’re just now used to have a little girl and it’s nice. Hoped we weren’t being greedy but if we were lucky enough we just wanted one more child, for us and for our son and he loves her to bits and vice versa, although sure they’ll have their moments. I do thing something good comes out of someting bad, although perhaps easy for me to say now Freya’s here, but in our case learnt not to take anything for granted when it comes to pregnancies as mine weren’t straightforward but in our case had a happy ending glad to say – was followed closely nder high risk people at hospital with Freya, 3rd time, and thankfully didn’t have a prem bub/preeclamspia like I did, being induced just overf 6 weeks ealy with our son. If I see sad images on tv involving death of a child I hug them more, especially as we realise we may not have been able to have more, didnt know at the time anyway if there was a problem or a one-off sad experience. Will never forget it of course, still remember my hubby and I being told. We didn’t want Sam to be an only child so feel very lucky & my heart goes out to those who’ve suffered them and who are still trying to have achieve their dream of having a baby, whether thru recurring miscarriage or whatever else.

- Sam & Freya's Mum on April 11th, 2009

sorry, had to add that once we told people about miscarriage, lots of stories of people having experienced it themselves, or someone they know in family, friend etc. Helped to know in a sense that it was fairly common but sad and tragic nonetheless. Doesn’t help that people say things like ‘sure you can go on to have more’, as we wanted THAT baby at the time, tactless comments not a help~! Not not family thankfully (being closer knew how sad/upset we were about it), but well-meaning people, not what you need to hear at the time, also still having hormones racing thru you, so a bit weepy as it is! Had an old lady ask my son if he was a big brother not long after, a week or so, and if he wasn’t going to be – she wasn’t to know but felt pretty teary at that point which is why I don’t tend to ask people now if they’ll have more as you never know their situation if don’t know them well!

- Sam & Freya's Mum on April 11th, 2009

I have 4 children and I also have had 3 miscarriages. 2 singltons and 1 set of twins. I have to agree that you feel so alone. I remember feeling like it was all MY fault and I lost OUR baby. I remember crying myself to sleep in my husbands arms more than once. My lost angles are written in the Book of Those Who Died Unborn in New York. I recieved a certificate for each of them and it was of great comfort. I remember when I showed them to my grandma she said “I don’t know what the big deal is, it wasn’t even a real baby yet”. It had a heartbeat, I saw it, it sure was real to me. A book that helped me was “Our Stories of Miscarriage”, wonderful book composed of many stories, you truely will not feel alone.

Anyway, the thing that will always alwasy bother me is when peope call my fertile myrtle or something stupid like that, if they only knew what I have to do to have children.

The more I see of Nancy the more I like her…I live off of a road named Ashby and my last son is the same age.

- Courtney on April 11th, 2009

I really appreciate all of these celebrities “coming out” about their miscarriages. I never really thought much about Nancy O’Dell before, but I would like to thank her for this. I just had a miscarriage a few months ago and she is right, it is like this secret that nobody talks about. I am making an effort to talk about it and be open about it with people in my own life.

- millefleur on April 11th, 2009

I’d like to throw in my opinion about the breastfeeding. I am an RN, took a childbirth education class (with an extra session just on breastfeeding), my husbnad and I were completely committed to it, and I STILL had problems with my first son latching on, etc. (We were able to get it resolved, and went on to nurse him for 16 months, but those first couple of weeks were pretty miserable.) I agree that maybe some people do “over-analyze” it, but, we’re also not used to seeing it all around us all the time like people in other eras and cultures do/did. So, I’d say get as much information as you can about it, just so you’re prepared, however you’re comfortable–whether a class, a lactation consultant, or another experienced mom–and make sure your husband/partner is on board. Hopefully, it will come easily and naturally, but, if not, you’ll have an idea what to expect and how to overcome difficulties that may arise.

- Michelle on April 11th, 2009

I had a miscarriage prior to my three children. Although it’s been about 13 years I remember wanting to acknowledge the pregnancy. Although a difficult moment happened at my SIL bridal shower a week after the miscarriage. A woman who didn’t know me came up to me and asked when we were having a baby. I left in tears and let my husband handle. I also remember being really angry at myself and others. A coworker who heavily smoked and also drank had a perfectly healthy baby boy and I lost my baby at 4 months. The only thing that truly helped was time.

- Lorelei on April 11th, 2009

To Anon…We used to have a ore breastfeeding friendly culture. Your mother, aunts, sisters and friends would have been like lactation consultants passing on their knowledge. Unfortunately formula (and other societal factors) have broken that natural support for many women.

- Jen on April 11th, 2009

So sad about her miscarriage. But she’s right, people do not talk about it a lot. I never knew it happened so much until I was trying to conceive myself, en then I read about it a lot on the internet.

About the breastfeeding I do not fully agree. For some women it may be difficult… but sometimes it just goes well from the start. It is so worth trying. I have been breastfeeding my daughter for over 13 months now and we have never had one problem, and I never had any proffesional tell me anything about it or something like that.

- Nika on April 12th, 2009

Not trying to start a big debate, but my OB told me the foot massage thing is an old wive’s tale. He said that what has happened is women get massages, go into labor, and then attribute the massage as the cause of their labor when there is no way to prove that and more likely than not their bodies were just ready to go into labor (esp. those 37+ weeks).

Anyway, although I trusted him on that, I didn’t get any foot massages while pregnant, either!

- MZ on April 12th, 2009

I also had a miscarriage before I had my son. I agree with everything she says, those were the same things I thought after the miscarriage and also after the birth of my baby, it was so hard breastfeeding, he just would not latch on, this went on for a long time.

A consultant told me some time after that it was because my son did not breast feed until many hours after he was born. He had a problem breathing so they had taken him to see the pediatrician.

- Sophia on April 14th, 2009

Just like you’ve all said, miscarriage feels like a secret society. My situation was a little different though. I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. It came as a complete shock to my boyfriend and I, and it definitely wasn’t something that we were ready for. However, I did get to the point where I was happy about becoming a mother. I knew it was going to be a rough road but I had started preparing myself for the reality of our baby. When we went in to have our first prenatal checkup the doctor asked if we wanted to hear the heartbeat for the first time. Unfortunately that is how we found out we had had a miscarriage. I never got to hear my baby’s heartbeat and sometimes I wonder if that makes my situation any less real. I also never found out the sex of my baby. My parents never exactly stated it, but I feel as though they were relieved it happened. In fact my mother has never brought it up six years later. Sometimes I feel guilty because I too am relieved since I know how hard life would have been for all of us. But it doesn’t take away the pain of losing my baby, and it’s been even more painful that no one has ever acknowledged it.

I too have struggled with blaming myself. I keep thinking that maybe if I wouldn’t have been so emotionally stressed or taken such hot showers I wouldn’t have lost the pregnancy. I think people also don’t talk about the physical aspect of what miscarriage entails. I personally felt like I was going through labor and I was only 3 and a half months along.

- Bridgette on April 16th, 2009