Cole Hamels Hopes to Adopt Child From Ethiopia

Tom Walck/PR Photos

There probably isn’t much that 2008 World Series MVP Cole Hamels has in common with Madonna, except for their shared heartbreak over an inability to adopt a child from Malawi. Like Madonna, the 25-year-old Philadelphia Phillies ace and his wife — Survivor alum Heidi Strobel — had hoped to find a child in the tiny African nation, but to no avail, for the residency requirement was too burdensome for the couple. “There is no way we could live over there for two years,” Cole tells the Philadelphia Inquirer.

“It shouldn’t be so hard to try to give someone a better life. The government in that country, it’s shady.”

Cole and Heidi have since turned their search to Ethiopia. “We’re working through a stack of paperwork this thick,” Cole explains, displaying a width of several inches. The couple is determined to make their dream of adoption a reality, however. “This is something we’ve always wanted to do, to help someone less fortunate,” he adds.

Heidi and Cole were married in 2006.

Source: Philly.com

– Missy

Comments

I hope the best for Cole and his wife. I actually went to school with Cole for 2 years, in middle school–but it counts! Anyway, Cole and Heidi are an adorable couple, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that they are able to successfully adopt a baby.

- ocnlvr83 on April 7th, 2009

Does adoption suddenly mean “saving” a child from a difficult life? I’m all for adoption, but not as a means of solving the problems of impoverished children around the world. We would do better by helping countries with issues of malnurishment, poverty, pandemic disease, etc. I don’t think calling a government “shady” because it has a strict residency requirement helps matters much.

- Lauren on April 7th, 2009

I wish Cole and Heidi lots of luck!!! i think it is great that they want to adopt and wish them the best!! Go Phillies!

- Laura on April 7th, 2009

i don’t know what he meant by malawi’s government being shady, but i don’t like how he refers to adoption as “helping someone less fortunate”. it seems like more and more parents who adopt have some sort of savior complex, like because they have plucked a child from a bad situation, that child should be forever and blindly grateful…one parent i know whose adopted daughter is now thirteen was shocked that her daughter was upset about not getting an iphone. she was like, “if only ann knew the life she COULD have been living in china…” if this women’s biological children had acted in the same manner, she wouldn’t have uttered a word…i know this is unfair to this situation, but it was a recent conversation and i’m still a little irked!

- ooji on April 7th, 2009

I don’t really think it’s fair to call the Malawian government shady because they have tough adoption laws. A lot of countries make it exceptionally difficult for foreigners (or even locals!) to adopt, that doesn’t mean they are in some way corrupt.

- Lilybett on April 7th, 2009

Best of luck to Cole and Heidi during their adoption process!

- Monique7 on April 7th, 2009

When you adopt a baby, you do give it a better life. People who adopt a baby do have tons of reasons and motivations, giving somoene a better life is one of them. We are in the process of adopting from China and giving a child a better life is among our reasons as well. Why would you think it’s something wrong, to think this way, and why would that make us someone who thinks we are saviors or have some complex issues.

And I agree with him, about tough adoption laws… why is that. Who can really spend two years in the country. If they are not interested in adopting their kids out, which they have every right to, just say so, don’t mask it under all kind of nonsense laws

- Molly on April 7th, 2009

As usual, leave it to the readers of CBB to post negative comments about someone wanting to help a child.. it never ends, does it…. I, for one, wish Cole and his wife all the luck in the world with their adoption process!!! There’s a child out there that’s meant to be with them and they will find him/her

- Christine on April 7th, 2009

I am glad I wasn’t the only one to be irked. Malawi is not the only one to have the residency rules. If I’m not mistaken India has a similar regulation. Secondly, why malawi? I can understand why Madonna feels that way because she’s worked there and clearly wants to help the country(tho i disagree the ways she went about her adoption).He seems like he just read a National Geographic article. What are his ties to africa? I just don’t see how he zoned from one african country to another. I’m sorry, maybe I’m reading too much into this but he seems to have a savior complex. Adoption is about making starting family. And last time I checked a judge abiding by a law is not shady.”A hot spicy brown baby” to quote snl SMH, big time.

I’m so torn, because while I’m pro-adoption and want to adopt a child from India and Africa(where I have cultural and ancestral ties); I get so tired of seeing these developing nations turned into baby farms. While some adoptee parents think they’re doing the greatest thing ever by adopting a child and “saving” a life. Taking these kids and turning them into Americans, Brits, Canadians isn’t going to solve the problems of their country.

- Bieta on April 7th, 2009

A child is better off adopted by a loving and financially stable family than in an orphanage. What is the point of laws that make it more difficult for people to adopt?

- Kate on April 7th, 2009

Best of luck Cole and Heidi!

- J on April 7th, 2009

No no NO, you do not get to just adopt children at will from third-world countries! Seeing garbage like this:

“There is no way we could live over there for two years,” Cole tells the Philadelphia Inquirer. “It shouldn’t be so hard to try to give someone a better life. The government in that country, it’s shady.”
makes me incredibly angry. Who are these people, who select children based on country rather than on established program?! Unless you’re in a very unusual situation (like living locally in the country, bonding with a child there and adopting as a resident), then you go the route of private adoption or through a (hopefully researched and ethical) adoption agency, who will tell YOU what programmes are open.

It is a wonderful thing to adopt. But casting adopted children as needing to be rescued is dangerous thinking, especially when it leads to the assumption that just because you’re wealthy and Western, you somehow deserve to have laws and cultural concerns brushed aside. You’re not “helping someone less fortunate” — that’s charity, that’s giving money to a Malawian orphanage or school or sponsoring a child. If you adopt a child, you’re being blessed with a child. All socioeconomic, geopolitic concerns pale in comparison.

- Grace on April 7th, 2009

I think it’s great they want to adopt! At the same time people have to respect the laws of other countries, and not expect rules to be bent at their whim. I wish them the best of luck in finding a child to bring into their family!

- Chris on April 7th, 2009

“A hot spicy brown baby”

lmao!

- Jane on April 7th, 2009

I think it’s a beautiful thing that they are adopting and should not be judged. Good for them. I wish them the best during their process and I’m sure they will get the beautiful child they want.

- Meg on April 7th, 2009

Grace you said that far better than I ever could. I completely agree with you.

- Lulu on April 7th, 2009

What Grace said!

- Bieta on April 7th, 2009

“A child is better off adopted by a loving and financially stable family than in an orphanage. What is the point of laws that make it more difficult for people to adopt?” — Kate

The reasoning behind stringent adoption laws is to prevent child trafficking. Certainly, children are better off in loving homes than in orphanages. But very weak adoption laws in countries like Guatemala (most recently) create systems where mothers feel encouraged to sell their children, where children are often stolen from the streets, where government officials make massive amounts of money off of this corrupt system, and where the new adoptive parents remain unaware of their child’s situation. Surely that is good for neither the country, the child, or the adoptive family. While the Malawian government certainly has its own set of issues, their adoption rules are the very opposite of shady.

- Katherine on April 7th, 2009

Why do they and Madonna feel there’s no way they could live in Malawi for 18 months? That’s my burning question!

- sat on April 7th, 2009

Christine, I don’t think any comment made previous to your post was “negative” in regards to adoption. Everyone posting has said adoption is great. That doesn’t mean there aren’t legitimate questions and opinions to be offered on the subject. I also have an opinion when a sixteen year old has a child, or a fifity year old, or when someone has fourteen kids and no job. I like this site so much because people tend to act like the adults they are, even when they disagree with an issue or another poster. (And Grace, you said exactly what I was thinking but not articulate enough to say!)

- Lauren on April 7th, 2009

Thank you Katherine, you said it exactly the way I was thinking. Adoption laws are tough for a reason, which is too prevent human trafficking. My prayers go out to all the parents going through the adoption process but adoption is more than just filling out a few pieces of paperwork and a quick plane flight to pick up the child which is what Cole Hamels wishes the whole adoption process consisted of. If you want a child if have to put the work into it.

- Debra on April 7th, 2009

Sat,

I don’t know about Madonna, but Cole, being a baseball player, I would assume that he needs to be in the US in order to play for his team.

- Brittany on April 7th, 2009

Heaven forbid a country try and make sure their children don’t end up as indentured servants or sex slaves somewhere! Then there’s something “shady” going on!! It honestly sounds like he got caught up in a “fad” and got mad when it wasn’t as easy as pointing to a country and deciding “I want one from there!”

Adoption is a beautiful thing, but it also presents a lot of danger to children because of people with “shady” intentions. Protecting children from those people is more important than it being “easy” to adopt kids out.

- Ryo on April 7th, 2009

Sat there is no way we could live in Malawi or elsewhere for 2 years. We have jobs here (we have no jobs in Malawi), we have ailing parents we need to care for etc… Tons of reasons. Also Cole needs to be here as his team he plays for will not move to Malawi neither. It’s not an easy thing to move somewhere for 2 years.

I can also tell you, regarding his comment about saving a child, that adoption is a very complicating process. When you do the homestudy or discuss it with someone, they ask you all kind of questions. I can honestly tell you that absolutely everything you say loud sounds as a cliche and absolutely silly. When our SW was asking things, I wished I can take anything I said back right after I said it. The rasons people state just dont sound right even though they absolutely are. People have best intentions and reasons, but when said loud, it just doesn’t sound right.

And as for moving from Malawi to Ethiopia, there is nothing wrong with that. We set for China, to which we have absolutely no ties whatsover (you dont have to have ties to the country you want to adopt from) but if we found out we couldnt, we would just move to Thailand of Vietnam. I wanted to adopt from Czech which is where I was born but there is no program allowing to adopt to Canada.

So I really don’t see anything wrong with what Cole says, plans or does. Kudos to him !!

- Molly on April 7th, 2009

I can’t believe how negative everyone is about what he said. He probably has reasons to say that government is shady. I mean they gace a child to Madonna and broke their own law! If that isn’t shady what is. They probably offered him a shady deal involving lots of money.

For the people that think we should help the countries first, we have been doing that for years and it hasn’t helped! Billion of euros have been send to Africa for decades and it all ends up in the hands of shady governments.

I hope they can adopt a child from Ethiopia successfully.

- Anna on April 7th, 2009

Cole and his wife most likely cannot live in Malawai at this time because of Cole’s hectic work schedule. Afterall baseball goes from April to October how can he possibly stay over there for a long period of time unless taking a leave of absense??

Secondly, he and his wife have opted to adopt. We have no idea why but it’s their business and nobody else’s. The bottom line is they’ve made a choice to go to a foreign country to get a child and kudos to them! I am sure they are willing to follow all the rules that goes along with taking a child but perhaps they don’t want to wait 2 years to get one when they know they can go to another country and get it done quicker. Can you blame them? If you have you heart set on becoming a parent and know it can happen in a year vs two years why not! I think people are just looking into things too much when it comes to adoption.
It shouldn’t matter where they get their baby or why they have chosen that child. What matters is they are saving another life and giving it a better life. How many of you who are being so highly judgemental are adopting yourselves??!!

- JMO on April 7th, 2009

No one here see to know the definition of Residency in Malawi. Countries all have different requirements to be consider a Res. Having researched it a little, I learned you can break up your time spent in Malawi, so three months here three months there until you get the 18month. For people willing to do that it speaks wonders about their character. For those who are unwilling well…there you go. If you can’t do it, then you can’t adopt in Malawi.

For those who feel that’s too strict, well IMO your perspective is all wrong. Why in the world would they make their adoption laws more lax? Do you think the people of these developing countries as a whole want to lose their future generations?? Adoption is great. Its a beautiful amazing privilege.

I just get annoyed when people pluck a flower from a dying garden but won’t tend to the soil it came from.

- Jane on April 7th, 2009

“I mean they gace a child to Madonna and broke their own law! If that isn’t shady what is. They probably offered him a shady deal involving lots of money.”

Firstly, I’d suggest the change between Madonna’s first and second adoption attempts are actually a sign of the country becoming MORE responsible — after the extreme irregularities of the first adoption, everyone became very aware of how a very wealthy individual had apparently circumvented all known Malawian law. So this time round, the judge and country were under scrutiny, and the adoption was not approved. In other words: the first law-breaking was shady. The refusal to do so again, not.

The money thing… I’m not sure what to say to that. There’s no evidence of it happening, there’s no particular reason to make that accusation. Surely it’s more reasonable to assume this random baseball player was put off for the same reason as many other prospective adoptive parents when looking for a suitable programme: He and his wife did not fit the requirements. They will not be approved. They will have to look elsewhere.

- Grace on April 7th, 2009

Out of curiosity, what makes someone want a Malawian baby? Ethiopian baby? Indian? Thai? Vietnamese? If I wanted a baby, and really just wanted one to start a family why does it matter where they came from? I can’t help but see the parallels between adopting a baby and a puppy the way some people talk about it.

- Jane on April 7th, 2009

I don’t like treating adoption as “helping someone less fortunate.” Lose the messiah complex. If you adopt, it should be because you want to love and care for a child, not “save” it. Don’t think that kid won’t figure out he’s a charity case later on.

And why is Malawi shady because they have strict requirements for adoption? Better than some countries that have become adoption mills.

- shans99 on April 7th, 2009

I can only imagine Mr. Hamels frustration in that he and his wife so desperately want a child and the process is so long, however to imply that a government is “shady” because they are enforcing their rules is not the smartest thing to say.

- lihalee on April 7th, 2009

There is nothing shady about a judge putting her foot down and upholding the laws of her nation. The residency laws are very clear. Yes, another judge allowed it to be overruled in Madonna’s case with David Banda. They were wrong to do so. Residency laws are in place to protect children. No matter what their intentions, what both Madonna and Cole are doing is attempting to buy a child. If they feel the need to save a child so much, they might want to look to the thousands of children in need of saving here in the US.

I’m a huge proponent of adoption. I also believe that if you aren’t prepared to go through all of rules and requirements that a particular nation has when it comes to adoption, you have no business adopting from that nation.

Good for them all for wanting to adopt. Shame on them for thinking they shouldn’t have to follow the rules of the land.

- Sarah on April 7th, 2009

Out of curiosity, what makes someone want a Malawian baby? Ethiopian baby? Indian? Thai? Vietnamese? If I wanted a baby, and really just wanted one to start a family why does it matter where they came from?
I don’t know where the sudden Malawian surge came from. But I know people adopt regionally due to family history, or personal history (like living in the country). And some will adopt an Asian kid, but not an African kid, because of personal prejudice (not something often admitted). That’s all personal stuff, though.

Practically, if you’re of the “a baby is a baby is a baby” mindset, then you choose a country due to its programme. Ethiopia is well-known for having a really good orphanage system, I know. Russian orphanages, not so much. Single mothers will only have certain programmes open to them, so that further narrows the field. Some places only have toddlers; some places are insanely expensive; some places require residency.

Bitterly, foreign adoption can be faster, more cost-effective, AND permanent than domestic adoption, which is why I suspect many “adopt domestic” cheerleaders don’t actually know much about adoption in the US.

- Grace on April 7th, 2009

I’m sorry Lauren, my post was supposed to have the word ‘even’ after comments and before about, i didn’t preview it before i posted…. here’s a couple that wants to give a child a great life through adoption and its just horrible to see people sort of put them down, when the couple is venting and frustrated. And you’re right Lauren, we are all adults but i read so much negativity and judgment on here its awful. Like grandma always said, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

- Christine on April 7th, 2009

[i]Bitterly, foreign adoption can be faster, more cost-effective, AND permanent than domestic adoption, which is why I suspect many “adopt domestic” cheerleaders don’t actually know much about adoption in the US.[/i]

As an ‘adopt domestic’ cheerleader, as you put it, I know quite a bit about the difficulties of adopting domestically and how it is a much more difficult process and takes a great deal of time. Of course, we do live in a society where immediate gratification is considered what is due, so it’s not surprising that many people aren’t willing to take the time involved as well as the risk involved with domestic adoption. Because of the fact that domestic adoption is more difficult leading more and more people away from adopting children who need families in the US, I will always be an avid cheerleader of domestic adoption.
Be careful with your assumptions about the knowledge of others online. Everyone know what you make of yourself and others when you assume things.

- Sarah on April 7th, 2009

I agree 100% with Grace!

- kendrajoi on April 7th, 2009

Kudos to them for adopting period and for adopting a child of a different race.

I’m really glad that race is no longer a issue in the adoption process.

- Jessica on April 7th, 2009

Thank God more people are adopting black kids. I think my adopted parents everyday for adopting myself and two younger siblings from Haiti and one from Louisiana. I miss my birth family but i am so greatful that i am in Canada. Also china is not poor compare to african countries where the kids parents have died and are to poor to take care of them. So i have no idea why people adopt from china it is not a third world countrie is it?

- Janessa on April 7th, 2009

I am glad they have tough adoption laws. You know honestly how many children are exploited in places that are more lenient ? I saw a news report on it where people would buy kids and sell them to pedophiles and sell them as sex slaves. So everytime I hear about tough rules,I am all for it !

The Madonna thing I still find ridiculous. I don’t know why people are angry a the Malawi judge etc. I’m amazed at how many people have short memories ! Madonna knew all this from the problems she had adopting David. And after so much scrutiny from the media etc, the Malawian government let her have her way and they waived alot of things for her. To do the same thing again is very rude. I think its all for publicity honestly.

Angelina Jolie even commented on that and said that Madonna knew the problems and rules with adopting a child from Malawi and she had two choices, choose elsewhere or comply with it.

And yes, for some places, international adoption is faster and sometmes easier.I knew a couple that had been on the list for years, and then they decided to try for an international adoption also.The year Milo (the child they adopted from Kosovo from a baby) turned 5, they were finally approved for adoption domestically.

- Aya on April 8th, 2009

PS. Ditto Grace.

- Aya on April 8th, 2009

Jane, my husband and I plan to adopt from Brasil because my family is from there and I have many relatives still there. I figure since my husband and I are interested in foreign adoption (we might also adopt a child w/in the US at some point) that we might as well adopt a child from within my culture and then there is some continuity for the child as well.

- MZ on April 8th, 2009

Sarah, I think it’s wonderful that you’re up on the complexities of domestic adoption; I’m really talking more about the seemingly off-the-cuff responses I see on other boards whenever someone famous adopts internationally, the ones who say “Why are you adopting abroad, you should adopt a US kid!” You know, when the tone is jingoistic and “Buy American!” more than anything else.

As you say, domestic’s often more difficult and there’s more danger of reversal, which I think are reasonable fears when parents are exploring adoption options. When you add in the increased cost for domestic adoption, I don’t think that’s necessarily a problem of “immediate gratification”, which just sounds selfish and I think is unjust.

I’m not an advocate for one over the other, mind you; adoption’s just more complex and nuanced than it gets credit for.

Be careful with your assumptions about the knowledge of others online. Everyone know what you make of yourself and others when you assume things.
Yes, everyone ends up trapped in a hideous, overused cliche! Seriously, though, the order our posts came in was totally accidental — I was writing when yours was posted and hadn’t read it, so the domestic comments were in no way related to your suggestion the Hamels look to US adoption.

- Grace on April 8th, 2009

He does not seem to have a clue about adoption.

- Lana on April 8th, 2009

There are very few babies available for adoption in the US, and adopting out of foster care is just plain risky. Often the children have been abused and have severe problems. The bio parents are often still in the picture. After the pain of infertility who wants to go through that?

- Kate on April 8th, 2009

“This is something we’ve always wanted to do, to help someone less fortunate,”

That stuck out to me. Adoption is about becoming parents. I assume it means wanting a child because you love him or her, and feel some sort of connection.

I want to help the needy is not a good enough reason to adopt. That doesn’t convince me that there will be love in that home. Children are children, and I’m for adopting children without homes, regardless of where they are from. But I’m concerned that this is a fad.

It’s good that governments try and find some way of protecting their children from trafficking. What does it look like that rich people can just come in and buy children (that is essentially what they are doing if they can walk into a country and bypass all the laws).

If this weren’t Madonna, but a middle-class family with no name behind them, no one would think these laws were unfair. In fact, it’s kind of ironic to me that people leave the U.S., for having strict adoption laws, to go and complain that another country’s laws, while nowhere near as strict as the U.S., are still too strict.

I’m just not comfortable with people thinking they can get their way as long as they have the right amount of money. People tend to ignore their moral compass when it comes to wealth; that saddens me.

- NikNak on April 8th, 2009

Look, the fact is that Africa is made up of some of the most corrupt governments and regimes in the world, I don’t think anyone can say Cole is exaggerating when he says the Malawian government is ‘shady’, I think he is in fact being very polite !!!

In the adoption process, it is very clear Malawi is corrupt, they allowed Madonna adopt a child, ignoring the residency of the country, clearly because she was in a position to invest millions in the country, maybe a few government officials pockets got lined as a result. Cole and his wife, obviously do not have the millions to invest, so his only other option is to live in the country so he can meet the adoption regulations, which means he is immediately excluded from adopting there.

I also am very pro-adoption, but I hate the ‘saving a less fortunate soul’ as the reason for adoption, it is so very demeaning !! Yes, it is one of the benefits of adoption, but it clearly should not be the motivation. It’s one of the reasons I love hearing Meg Ryan’s adoption story, she never alludes to her adoption of Daisy as a “mercy mission”, she is so dignified and loving and respectful of how her beautiful daughter came to her.

- Cara on April 8th, 2009

That celeb saying he and his wife want to ‘help’ someone…..irks me the wrong way. That’s not the right reason to adopt imho. He makes it sound as if the kid should be grateful to them.

As for the whole domestic/foreign adoption thing I as a non-US person am once again puzzled. Where I live in Europe domestic adoption is almost non-existent and you have no choice but to turn abroad. How come so many babies in the US are up for adoption?

- Linda on April 8th, 2009

I never got the impression that he as well as other other adoptive parents have a messiah complex (as someone above stated) when adopting kids from here or other countries who have less than great home/living conditions.

More power to the family that wants to open their hearts and homes to a child and if that child happens to come from a pretty bad off town or have a hard life so far why is it a bad thing to want to love them and give them a home where they can feel safe and loved and happy?

- J on April 8th, 2009

Adoption should always be about wanting a child. If your motive is to help someone less fortunate you’ll be removed from the adoption line (or at least you should be).

Of course it’s better for a child to live with loving parents than in a orphanage but things aren’t that black and white. Just because you have money doesn’t mean that you will be a good parent. If all you want to do is to help those in need then you should donate money to save those children. You can give them a different live without adopting. But if you are considering adoption because you want a child to love and to raise then that’s a complitely different thing. Then you are not looking for someone to save, you are the one who’s lucky.

- kendra on April 8th, 2009

I’m sorry but after hearing his wife talk a bout adoption I do think they have the savior complex. Plus do these people even care about saving “american” kids?? it’s like they thin they’ll get an extra pat on the back for “saving” a kid from Africa. Makes it seem like they’re trophy hunting.

- Q on April 8th, 2009

my biggest issue is w/ the “there’s no way we could live there for two yrs” comment…

that leads me to believe that unlike madonna, his goal is to take the child from malawi, and never allow that child to have a life in that place again…

one thing i really hate abt transracial transcultural adoptions is ppls desire to have little chinese white babies, or little african white babies, or little whatever kind of white babies…

i love that brad and angelina teach zahara, pax and maddox abt their home countries and i know at least maddox owns quite a bit of property in cambodia, and just based on the typr of mother she is, i’m sure pax and zahara do to in their respective countries…

i don’t know… something abt this whole article rubs me the wrong way…

- fay on April 8th, 2009

Yet another celebrity foreign adoption when thousands and thousands and thousands of children in North America are in desparate need of a loving family to be adopted into. Yes, I know there’s the cost and waiting list, but if you truly wanted to help a child in need, look in your own backyard before going across the ocean. I’m such an advocate of domestic adoption I’ve been pestering my local MP to explain why the red tape, the costs, and long waiting lists for adoptions in Canada. I’m sure it is the same, if not worse, in the USA. It irks, then depresses, me whenever I read stories like this about people, especially celebrities, adopting from other countries. I don’t know their reasons, but I certainly would like to know why they don’t adopt from the USA (or Canada).

- eternalcanadian on April 8th, 2009

Why are there always people on here that think children in North America are more deserving of adoption than children in Africa or Asia or where ever. They are all children that have no one and the children in poor countries have a far smaller chance of survival in their orphanage than the ones in orphanages in North America.

Saying that he can’t live there for 2 years is not strange, and it does not mean he looks down on Malawi. He has a job, he can’t leave work for 2 years to wait for his child in Malawi. The comparison with Madonna is also strange because David’s father said he doesn’t understand Malawan language anymore and I don’t see Madonna living in Malawi for 18 months to be able to adopt Mercy.

- Anna on April 8th, 2009

I am of the opinion that people adopting should choose what’s right for them, whether it be international or domestic adoption.

If any child from anywhere finds a secure and loving home that he or she wouldn’t have had otherwise, it is a reason to celebrate. And if any adult longing for a child finds one, then that too is a reason to celebrate.

- Liz on April 8th, 2009

I have two amazing sons, both adopted, both from Guatemala.

I did **not** adopt them to be a martyr. I was not in it to “save them” from a life of poverty. I suppose that is a by-product of them coming into my life and I theirs. But that was not my intent. I got so terribly uncomfortable when people start off on “how lucky” my boys are. I am the lucky one. I got them.

I think Cole’s comments were maybe made out of inexperience and lack of knowledge. Many in the beginning stages of adoption, have yet to learn that thoughts like that can be misconstrued as offsensive.
My boys are not designer handbags!!!

Personally, I have agreed with much of what Grace has said regarding pursuing international adoptions vs. domestic. Those who are not “in the know” have a very uneducated opinion of how the whole thing works. I’m fortunate. Not only have I completed two international adoptions – I have friends who have completed domestic adoptions and I have friends who have completed international adoptions. I know what goes on in all avenues, but that isn’t to say everyone’s experiences are not personal and different.
Adoption is not one-sized fits all, people. It is so very personal. I hate it when people say “why didn’t you chose domestic? Why did you do this, why that?”
I don’t have to explain my choices to anyone. Nor should anyone else.

- Becky on April 8th, 2009

@Anna – He is looking down on Malawi. He called the government “shady.” That wasn’t exactly a compliment. The government is there to protect children. The requirement is in place, in part, to prevent child traffickers from swooping down to raid orphanages. It is also in place so that parents would have have an understanding of their child’s birth country. After all, particularly in international adoptions (only complicated by transracial adoptions) parents should be able to educate their children about the culture that they are from.
I hope the Hamels were not too discouraged and will try to adopt another child in need whether in the US or abroad.

- SweetDiva on April 8th, 2009

We don’t know exactly why he called them shady, it might not be bases just on the adoption laws. I think there is more behind it. To me it seems like he really looked in to adopting from there and that he perceived it shady. That is just my view on what he said.

We don’t know if the government is shady that is correct, but the chance is pretty big seeing as they broke their own law for Madonna and most countries in Africa have shady governments.

- Anna on April 8th, 2009

If it is so important to adopt a child to give him or her a better life, then why dont they adopt a child here in the United States. You know how many children are abandoned in this country. If you want a black baby, there are plenty here you can adopt. Such hypocrites, if adoption of a child is so important to this couple, then why dont they adopt these black children from the U.S. The Malawi government is right not to let them adopt their children. Their (Malawi) children are not items to be purchased for their leisure or amusement.

- Smith on April 8th, 2009

What does it matter where he adopts from??? he is adopting a child to give it a better life! i know there are children in the US that could be adopted but he chose to adopt from Ethiopia! there is nothing wrong with that and i think it is great that he wants to do that!
And him not wanting to live there for 2 years or whatever isn’t wrong!!! he is a pro baseball player!! if he leaves that for 2 years it is unlikely that he would be able to come back!

- laura on April 8th, 2009

Oh please Laura. Then dont adopt from the country in which you cannot follow the requirements.

- Smith on April 8th, 2009

People seem so hot-to-trot to adopt kids from overseas to “save” them or because it seems like the thing to do or whatever the excuse is. It doesn’t necessarily mean the adoption costs are less. I know people who adopted from Guatemala, Africa, and Domestically. While I respect their decisions, we have kids here who grow up going from house to house with people that just want their checks each month or the kids that grow up in the orphanages. You’d be better off “saving” a kid from years of bouncing around numerous homes where just about anyone can get ahold of them. So many foster kids grow up to be emotionally jacked up adults. I’m not saying all, but a lot of them do. My ex was treated as a check, he and his sister were abused in more ways than one, and they were treated like second class citizens in most of their “homes” and you can still see the affects of it on them now.

I hate that everyone reaches out to adopt in foreign countries for-going their own country’s children. I know there are some things that make adoption here tough, I realize that but, some mom gave up her kid hoping they’d get a good home and instead those kids get lost in a system. I don’t know, I guess I’d just like to see people from the states look inside itself for children who need homes and/or supporting programs for kids here. We spend so much time spending money to other countries to fix their problems that we somehow overlook our own.

- Harley on April 8th, 2009

Amen to Grace, Smith, and Eternalcanadian

- Harley on April 8th, 2009

People, there are NOT tons of babies available for adoption in the US. The waiting list is over five years! People go to other countries because there are so few young children available.

- Kate on April 8th, 2009

wow. they want to adopt a baby. thank goodness they are having so much trouble. i can’t imagine how unhappy all of you would be if they actually succeeded.

- brannon on April 8th, 2009

To me the Malawian gov’t is SHADY! One minute they let a woman (Madonna) take a baby and the next minute they won’t!!! The adoption caused to much controversy so then the laws were changed?? If Madonna didn’t go over there to adopt David and it was some average Joe wanting the child, how would the laws have been then??

- JMO on April 8th, 2009

Wow really great points Grace, Katherine & Becky! Kudos to everyone who shared their opinions (no matter if we all agree or not) but I really have a problem with someone writing that “adopting out of foster care is just plain risky. Often the children have been abused and have severe problems. ” True kids in Foster care can come with a whole set of special needs that some couples aren’t prepared to handle and that’s okay but if you think they shouldn’t even be adopted then what?

Who would need love and a family more then a child who has been abused? Should we just throw them away because they got off to a rough start? No I don’t think that everyone would be equipped to give that kind of time and support but we should try and avoid such general negative statements, especially with children involved.

- Christine on April 8th, 2009

“We spend so much time spending money to other countries to fix their problems that we somehow overlook our own.”

Bravo Harley, bravo. Perfectly said.

- Lauren on April 8th, 2009

As a foster parent and a prospective adoptive parent, I think it is a mistake to believe that adoption in the US is easy–it is nearly impossible. I find it also interesting that people would believe that it is easy to adopt “black” children in America. Not so at all.

- LaKesha on April 8th, 2009

Lauren, see the comment below your’s.

- Kate on April 8th, 2009

I find adoption in the US to be very complex and quite complicated. I agree with LaKesha as my parents were foster parents, and their adoption of my brother took years, and his father’s parental rights were at one point not terminated. My family ran the risk of losing him to his abusive father. That was due to his social worker’s negligence.

That happens to many families. The foster care system is set up in which many times they return these children despite having a loving and stable foster family willing to adopt them or already in the process of adoption back to their abusive parent(s) or other biological family such as grandparents who come out of the woodwork.

A lot of these child(ren) may have been with their foster families for years. Ripped out their arms to be sent back to parent(s) or family that were abusive or they don’t even know.

A person or couple adopting a child in the foster care system runs the risk of having that adoption disrupted and having the biological parents in the background causing trouble. Especially if they think you have substantial money.

Add in the number of years for a finalized adoption, the red tape, the interactions with foster care representatives, the court appearances, the home visits, making sure the parental rights are terminated, etc.

You’ll see why people go to domestic adoption.

Biology has always been favored by the foster care system in the US. It doesn’t matter the abuse or neglect. They will almost always favor a loser bio-parent over a loving foster care family. Who wants to live their life looking over their shoulder?

It’s not easy for non African-American to adopt an African American child(ren) in the US. It’s discouraged, and I think Dateline or ABC News did a special about this a few years back in which a White couple had two African-American foster care children with a teenage mom who lost them to foster care. They were willing to adopt them, but they were returned to the mom. The toddler called his foster parents, and it turned out the teenage mom was back to her old ways.

- Renee on April 8th, 2009

To all the people that said there aren’t that any children available to adopt domenstically, then how do you explain the number of children waiting for adoption at 120,000 in 2006 (statistics from the Center for Law and Social Policy)?

- eternalcanadian on April 8th, 2009

Most of those children are older kids/teenagers or children with severe disabilities. Not everyone has the resources for that. Is it not understandable why someone who’s infertile would want to adopt a healthy baby/young child?

- Kate on April 8th, 2009

How would you know that Kate? Did you contact the Center for Law and Social Policy and find out exactly how many of those 120,000 children are older or have a disability?

- eternalcanadian on April 8th, 2009

It’s common knowledge. I live in the US, and I know many people who’ve tried adopt an infant domestically. There are hundreds up couples waiting to adopt for every infant put up for adoption. If you had any experience with adoption you would know this. Talk to the people on waiting lists before you cast stones at people who just want a healthy baby/young child.

- Kate on April 8th, 2009

Well said, Liz. Creating a family is a beautiful thing, no matter how you do it. People are allowed to choose their own paths, and shouldn’t be subjected to condemnation. We don’t know all the reasons this particular couple chose international adoption, and it is unjust to judge them (and others) for it.

- Jo on April 8th, 2009

I don’t understand calling the government shady because it has put in place a series a requirements that they think helps ensure the well-being of the adopted child.

- Terri on April 8th, 2009

““It shouldn’t be so hard to try to give someone a better life. The government in that country, it’s shady.””

Hmm shady, unlike the U.S. government, Cole?

pot and kettle, pot and kettle.

- sinclair on April 8th, 2009

I agree with everyone who mentioned how difficult domestic adoption can be. I also want to point out that some of these celebs probably wouldn’t be able to adopt domestically even if they wanted to. Angelina and Brad, for example, would probably be turned away because of Angie’s past drug abuse (she has been very open about the fact that she was a drug abuser during her “wild child” phase). From what I’ve read, you can’t adopt in the U.S. if you have a history of substance abuse. I’m guessing Angie and Brad’s family size would also disqualify them.

Madonna would probably be turned away due to her age and the fact that she’s a single mother.

- CelebBabyLover on April 9th, 2009

thats a wonderful gift to give a child,a chance GOD bless Cole,and heidi for wanting to share themselves with a child who has little/or no advantage noe.

- paul on May 10th, 2009