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03/31/2009 at 12:30 PM ET

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Aya on

My friend had her tubes tied thinking she was done having kids and she regretted it. My aunt has her tubes tied and still got pregnant,but arfterwards they had to do a hysterectomy..

Paula on

The surrogacy story is sad because I had a friend who aborted her surrogacy baby because of non-payment and she always said she wished she had gone through an agency to protect her rights. These people DID go through an agency and still ended up in this situation. I don’t know that a lot of the surrogates will want to admit they did it, at least partially, for the money, but it is a real reason many women chose to do it. It’s like being a teacher, I guess. You have to be passionate about helping others to want to do the job, yet you still want to get paid. My friend was in her eighth month when she terminated the pregnancy but did go on to deliver a baby for another family so she would still recommend the experience for young women. Still this story is bothersome since those families and surrogates put their money and trust into a system that failed them. I’m sure in the end it’ll get sorted out legally but it must be a very frustating situation for everyone involved.

Sarah K. on

“My friend was in her eighth month when she terminated the pregnancy”

Just our of curiosity, aren’t partial birth abortions (2-3 trimester) illegal? I thought that they were. Also, how do you successfully terminate a viable fetus? Babies born at 8 months are often very healthy and fully developed. It doesn’t make sense to me that your friend would terminate a pregnancy at 8 months instead of deliver and give the baby up for adoption. No judgment, just confusion

Aya on

Sarah K. I agree, 8 months is completely viable..my son was born at 8 months..He spent a few days in the neonatal area getting tests done and he had to be treated for jaundice. And you are correct,abortion at that time would be illegal. After 5 months, you have to be induced and you deliver the baby as you would if you were in labour, so I don’t see how her friend “terminated” the baby also.

I-dra on

personally, i am horrified by the commenter who described her friend aborting a perfectly healthy child due to non-payment by the baby’s biological parents. i can only imagine how devastated they were when they learned she had had their child killed. i’ve always felt that a person’s life is worth more than a few grand, but i suppose in this kali yuga, my opinions are becoming antiquated. is this situation really so common? i suppose going into surrogacy, one needs to take into account all possibilities, including that you may end up raising the child yourself, should the biological parents flake on their end of the agreement. if i ever need a surrogate, i will be sure to never choose one who had electively terminated a previous healthy surrogacy.

Paula on

My friend should have terminated earlier but she kept expecting the parents to pay for her expenses. She put it off too long and had to go see this really good doctor in KS that specializes in late term abortions. He cited her emotional health as the medical reason for the abortion (after 24 wks abortions are only allowed for medical reasons). This was before the “partial birth” abortion ban but, even without that procedure, there is another one for late term abortions. I don’t know how the parents felt because they seemed to just ignore my friend after she got pregnant with their baby. If she had given birth though they could have claimed the baby as theirs so putting it up for adoption wouldn’t have been possible and she didn’t want to raise an infant. All the legal stuff scared her and she figured if the family couldn’t pay her expenses, they couldn’t afford the baby and were taking advantage of her.

She had a great family the next time around and gave birth to their son at around eight months. He’s a super healthy happy baby and has a great loving family. She said overall it was a very rewarding experience but thought more families should look into adopting babies and children instead of going to such great lengths to have a biological one. She’s adopted two older children since then and is super happy with her decision regarding both surrogacy and adoption.

XOXO on

Paula, while I do respect your comment, I am in shock and sick by reading it. God bless that little baby who is in heaven now, my God I mean I know your friend wanted or needed the money but to kill a human for not getting pay on time? Horrible!!

Paula on

She didn’t get paid at all once she was pregnant, to be honest. She should have made her decision much earlier but she kept assuming the parents would do the right thing. Those people though are the exception to the rule. Most parents through surrogacy are wonderful people.

About Madonna’s adoption, I think that even though Madonna’s clearly getting special treatment, that child will be in a better place and given a chance to succeed in life. I don’t really like Madonna as a person, but adoption (especially adopting older children) is so rewarding for both the parent and the child. I wish them luck and hope the little girl has a smooth transition into her new life.

Michele on

I have never commented on here before, but I am so upset after reading that a surrogate aborted at 8 months because of non-payment. I am close to tears right now thinking about what happened to that poor baby, surely there were other options. This is why there should be a ban on partial birth abortions in my opinion. There are women all over the world who would give anything to have a baby, I really wish I had never read this. It is just so so sad!

Sarah K. on

Why on earth would you agree to be a surrogate if you were “afraid of the legal stuff”? That something you need to know before making such a big commitment. And, what kind of “really good” doctor makes up a medical excuse to allow for an abortion at 8 months? The fact that he said she had a mental condition sounds really shady to me. I’m sorry, but she could given the baby to the parents anyways or let the baby go into foster care/adoption.

I am very very pro-choice, but this sounds absolutely heinous.

Manda Jo on

I am absolutely sick at this…I truly hope CBB that “Paula” is a troll and this isn’t a true story. I am a NICU nurse and we get babies all the time 32-36 weeks that need nothing but to grow a little bit…no oxygen, no feeding tubes, can hold their own temps…just need to be a little bigger. To think someone could do this makes my heart ache. And it doesn’t make sense…if the surrogate “didn’t know how the parents felt about her aborting the baby” then that means they wouldn’t have contacted her around the due date to see what was up? No calling at all?? If that’s the case she could have adopted out the baby at least without them knowing and given the kid a CHANCE at life. I still am in just complete shock!

Paula on

I agree with all of you that my friend should have made her decision earlier but I try not to judgmental. Just because I wouldn’t do it, doesn’t mean I’d condemn someone else for feeling differently. I had another friend who aborted at six months (after her baby shower actually) because her boyfriend cheated on her. She was the one who told my surrogate friend about the doctor in KS. Also not to be snide, but emotional distress wouldn’t be considered a medical reason for a late term abortion if doctors and politicians didn’t feel it was a valid reason.

My whole point of commenting was that surrogacy is a good thing and it’s sad that these people in the article did everything right (the parents and surrogates anyway) and they still managed to be in such an awful position. I always figured my friend’s situation arose from a lack of an intermediate but the people in the article still managed to get hurt even when professionals were involved. Many families spend all their savings on paying for a surrogate and to lose that money must be painful.

Amy on

Somebody who aborts after 6 months because their boyfriend cheated on them is an awful person. I hope they NEVER have children. The surrogate mother was bad enough, but aborting because your boyfriend cheats on you? She doesn’t deserve happniness after doing that. Talking about taking life for granted. I hate being so judgemental, but I am shocked and disgusted after reading this.

Aya on

Paula girl,methinks you need a new set of friends… Like some decent ones..leave all the petty, infantile, lazy ones on the curb where they belong..

Honestly, I am totally pro choice, but all I keep picturing in my head when I think of this baby,is my son and his situation. Its like jsut snuffing his life out..

Its disgusting that anyone would terminate a pregnancy to get back at the boyfriend at that point. It is still your child. Even the weakest woman sees that and tries to do what she can.If she can’t she gives the baby to a family member or puts it up for adoption.

As far as the one with the legal issues. She was not against a brick wall and she had lots of rights and things to take them to court. If not, adopt it out or give it to the family.

And I understand why the other posters are giving you heck.In the clever words of Judge Judy “you pin your stars with losers… and guess what everyone will think that you are ? A loser”.. so get out while you can.

Michele on

I am so glad that others have commented on this. I have not been able to stop thinking about Paula’s story. A baby born at 8 months can usually live outside the womb, so a doctor would essentially have to kill it so it would not survive. I don’t know what state this happened in, but I really hope that the laws have changed since then. It is one thing if a woman or baby’s life is at risk. It is truly another if you are doing it for money or revenge or “emotional” reasons. I really try not to be judgemental either, but this seems to go to far with pro-choice.

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