Maggie Gyllenhaal: Ramona Has Her Mommy and Me Moments

Carlos Alvarez/Getty

When it comes to motherhood, there is no rule book, according to Maggie Gyllenhaal. Having entered into the world of sleepless nights and dirty diapers when she welcomed her daughter Ramona, now 2, the actress encourages parents to navigate their own path as they find what suits their family best. “I do think you just have to figure it out for yourself and go with your instincts,” says Maggie. For the new mama, who believes “every child is different,” learning the ropes of raising a baby meant discovering that the sound of her crying daughter pulled at her heartstrings!

“I’m not a leave-them-in-their-crib-to-cry kind of girl. Fundamentally, I didn’t find that worked. Everyone’s got their own thing, you know? You can’t tell another person when it’s right to stop breastfeeding or how to put your kid to sleep.”

In an effort to tackle parenthood as a team and split the responsibilities equally, the 31-year-old explains that she and her fiancé, actor Peter Sarsgaard, have always “believed that we needed to share” time spent with Ramona. In order to give the actress a break, Peter packs up his daughter and accompanies her to “this little class she takes in the morning,” making sure that Maggie stays behind to relax! “He said, ‘No, you don’t come — this is when I’ll relieve you,’” says Maggie. However, while their plan may sound good to most, Maggie – who believes dividing the workload equally is not possible — admits Ramona often just wants to be with her mama.

“In our case, maybe it’s because I have a daughter, the mom is the mom. There is something about that. But we try. When we’re together — if we’ve been away from her a lot — she just wants to be with me. That’s kinda how she is at the moment.”

Source: Babble

Comments

Maggie just seems so down-to-earth and so “real”. And Ramona is just too cute!

- Laura on February 5th, 2009

as a mom i feel bombarded by other moms i know, other moms i don’t know in cyberspace and parenting websites and books encouraging us to let babies cry in their cribs … it is so refreshing to hear a mother say the exact opposite. i too, would never let my children cry… fuss for a bit at first i could handle (only with my second) and never ever ever could i ignore a cry in the middle of the night. just the other day a preschool mom was asking me how my 10 month old was sleeping and went on to tell me her baby was sleeping better just crying for an hour or so at 3am but she “went back to sleep”. i cringe and hate to think of all the babies crying like that. yeah for maggie!

- lele on February 5th, 2009

I like her so much! I love seeing her say that no one else can tell you how to breastfeed or how to put them to bed. If there’s one thing I hate it’s when someone acts like you’re doing something wrong regarding kids just because it’s not the way they do it.

- alice jane on February 5th, 2009

I feel that the whole ‘let them cry it out’ culture has to do with the fact that newborns are put in their own rooms to sleep (which I really don’t understand, but I guess it’s a cultural thing since no one does it where I live).
Thrust me, if the baby was screaming in bed with you or in a basinet by your bed and you and /or your husband have to go to work in the morning there is no way you’d let a baby cry for an ‘hour or so’ as lele mentioned in her post. And I strongly believe that babies don’t cry just because they’re bored or something (just because they can’t tell us what they want doesn’t mean that they don’t have a valid concern –like colic, fear or just wanting to be held by another human being, after all they did just spend 9 months INSIDE a human body).

Cudos to Maggie!

- Sanja on February 6th, 2009

1st off…kudos for maggie for her honest,open & refreshing comments and she seems so down to earth! & double kudos for the 4 posters above…it’s nice to know i’m NOT the only mom who believes in NOT letting their child “cry it out”

- melissa on February 6th, 2009

There is support in theory and research for responding to a baby’s crying and not letting them cry and cry. From day one, infants begin developing a working model of how the world works, and how much they can trust their environment. When they learn that their cries are consistently not responded to, they can develop a mistrust in their environment- their needs were not responded to. It is believed that some personality disorders are caused in part by a continual lack of responsiveness to cries and needs when a person was an infant. This link below is to a book explaining certain personality disorders and what can lead to them. Pages 67-69 seem relevant here to this discussion.

- Valerie on February 6th, 2009

Oops, I forgot to add the link
http://books.google.com/books?id=HRY5gV0SoHAC&pg=PA67&lpg=PA67&dq=personality+disorders+%2B+%22during+infancy%22+%2B+responsiveness&source=web&ots=MEELMJv7ID&sig=Jrk_S4TudxX2Izq2NNGB9STKVC4&hl=en&ei=vVuMScrUG-H8tgfar5moCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA67,M1

- Valerie on February 6th, 2009

my youngest was not sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time at 9 months and i was simply going crazy. never would i let her cry alone and had i done that i know i would have lost her trust and the above posts suggests… i weaned her of her bottle addiction and just held her close and told her all was okay and the next night she slept most the night next to me without waking every two hours to eat. we managed to fix our problem together we treat babies as though they are not humans…we do not abandon our husbands????

- lele on February 6th, 2009

I love that Maggie said women shouldn’t tell other women how to parent and then all the posters say hurray and start telling other mothers how to parent. Once again if you don’t breastfeed, you’re bad. If you don’t cosleep, you’re bad. If you let your child cry it out, you’re bad. If you had a csection you better have a good reason for it or you’re bad. Just stop with your preaching! Maggie’s right and you whiny, know-it-alls aren’t! Stop judging!!!! And please actually read the article before you agree with it, only to turn around and do what the celebrity says not to do. People are individuals and they will parent as such. Let it go.

- PickASmile on February 6th, 2009

Well, I do not think babies should be let crying, I do think they they shouldn’t be sleeping in the bed with the parents for too long.

Maggie seems like a great mom. I would love to see her have a few more!!

- Mary on February 6th, 2009

PickASmile – I don’t see any preaching here- just people expressing their different views which is what a blog is for. I don’t think anyone here, well not me anyway, would claim to be a know-it-all. I am always happy to learn from other people about what they feel or know, and also learn through current research what some of the more recent developments and recommendations are. Of course, each parent knows his/her child the best and you rely on your own instincts but there’s a lot to be said for sharing views, and I don’t think it’s preaching!

- Valerie on February 6th, 2009

thank you valerie…like i stated it’s just refreshing to know that your not “alone” in certain things as far as parenting goes but i too am NOT an expert and i’m only 25 and have alot still to learn,it’s just frustrating when i’m always told that “i’m spoiling” my boys b/c i choose not to let them cry or having them sleep in the same room{with me},etc
i do come on here{and other parenting sites} for the fact of “learning” something new everyday,i don’t have a mom so this is what i got to go on and for those who don’t dwell on the negative…thanks again!

- melissa on February 6th, 2009

I have a 5 year old and we rocked him to sleep and
got him in the night if he was crying, and we just got
out of sleeping problems last year.

I have a year old now, and we are letting her cry it out.
she is teething. for months i would sit with her for
2 hours a night. For a 8-9 month old, i dont’ think this
helps her. It wakes her up more when i go in there and then
it takes 2 hours to get her to sleep. It was starting to become a habit. I let her cry for two nights and now she sleeps. So who’s to say that crying isn’t better. is it any better that your child
doesn’t get the sleep they need at night because they are in the
habit of getting up at night because they know if they cry
you will come get them, adn they don’t learn to go back to sleep on their own. I think some babies wake up (like most people) and they think I can’t go to sleep let me call mommy and she’ll take care of it. I dont’ think it’s good for parent or child especially if’s it’s after a year. When do you think it will end?? Believe me afte my first I learned my lesson.

- Amanda on February 7th, 2009

I so disagree with her but well to each her own.

- mindy on February 7th, 2009

I am so glad to read that she doesn’t let her daughter ‘cry in the crib.’ Before my last child was born, my neighbor was trying to encourage me to let my child cry in the crib; ignore him. NO WAY!! I picked my son up and took care of his needs IMMEDIATELY. I nursed or gave him the bottle every 3 or 4 hours and after the first month, he slept through the night.. That has worked for others, too.. Maggie and Peter seem like excellent parents. It warms my heart…

- Judith on February 7th, 2009

There’s a big difference between letting a two month old vs a two year old cry it out. Parents should just be smart and do what works for their family.

And if we do it wrong, which everyone does something wrong as a parent, then they can always go to group therapy with the other kids who breastfed/bottlefed or crib/co-sleep, cry/rock. Whichever is the non-expert opinion at the time.

- michelle on February 8th, 2009