I have had three miscarriages, a stillbirth, and a baby die in my arms. My boyfriend and I tried forever to get pregnant and after 3 years finally did. We were overjoyed, figuring the worst part was over, when I miscarried at 16 weeks. We got pregnant quickly after that and it took me a long time to trust it. I never got the chance, I miscarried again, this time at , 13 weeks, even though I was on bed rest. The next time we got pregnant, I carried full term. I was 5 days overdue and so excited to meet my baby. We were scheduled for induction at noon but when we went in they were full and told us to come back the next day. I went home. My baby daughter, to be named Jacqueline Helen, stopped all movement at 2 AM. She clutched her umbilical cord. She died 6 days overdue and I had to have a D&C to get her out two days later because they were full again. I ended up in the hospital for Pst Traumatic Stress. I recovered pretty quickly and we waited 2 years before trying again. This time it happened quickly, and at the 14 week appointment we found out we were having twin girls. We got the nursery ready, we were so excited. I had a C-Section date and I was counting down the days. Geneva Faith died when I was 7 days away from my C-Section date, she stopped moving at my baby shower. They delivered her twin as soon as they found out. Evangelia Cerys was born on October 17th 2007. She died of an undetected heart defect on New Years Eve. She had a tiny hole in her heart and they missed it. She died in my arms. I wound up in the hospital again. This time I got out in March. I was a wreck. My boyfriend left me, he wanted kids and I couldn’t give them to him, and I started the adoption process. I now have a beautiful 4 month old baby girl from Korea, her name is Caroline Jeg. I am finally better.

Miscarriage is a horrible heartbreaking experience and to dismiss it just because many people go through it is awful. Couples who survive it have to fight for their relationship much of the time, it’s not a given that they will get through it together.

Anyways, I hope it’s okay that I gave the statistic, I just thought it was interesting and somewhat telling.

Losing a child, be it a baby that hasn’t been born yet or having lost a child due to death after it’s been born either brings a couple together or tears them apart. Most of the time it tears them apart no matter how strong their relationship is.

I can’t speak for my mom (after my sister was killed in a car accident) because the man she’s with isn’t our bio father…but they’ve had relationship problems since. She has a friend who’s son died on Thanksgiving on a swingset while outside playing when he was 3yo. He hung himself on accident and his parents couldn’t stay together and they were married for many, many, many years and had a good relationship with one another. The death of a child takes a HUGE toll on a relationship…even miscarriages.

You don’t know until you’ve experienced it yourself.