Sound Off! How Did You Decide How Many Children to Have?

12/23/2008 at 11:00 AM ET
Courtesy Vanity Fair

In a recent interview with Vanity Fair magazine, Tina Fey shared her preference for having just one child. Describing the year after birth as feeling “like someone hitting you every day in the face with a hammer,” the actress, rightfully, said she and her husband were devoted instead to focusing their energies on their only child, daughter Alice Zenobia.

However, some families choose to have 2, 3, 4, 5 or more children (some even 18 — and counting!), and as we all know, it’s a very personal choice (and oftentimes, not even a choice at all, thanks to mother nature).

So here’s your chance to Sound Off! Tell us how you decided how many children you wanted to have.

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Showing 106 comments

ash on

I always wanted just one, from since I was a kid. I knew my child would have a large extended family of cousins etc so would not be short of company, therefore did not feel bad about wanting only one. It fits perfectly to our life financially and emotionally and I cannot imagine having any more kids, so it just seems right in my heart.

babyboopie on

I only have one son, but I was 19 when I had him and so I was very young. But now I am a lot older and financially stable, I am thinking a lot more now about having another baby but not for a while yet.

Kate on

We always said two or three. We had two quite close together and we felt fine with this being our complete family. 3 years later though we found ourselves unexpectedly having a third, due in a few weeks! This will definitely be our last!

jessie on

i have always wanted 3, twin girls and a boy for some reason. i may change my mind after having just one though

Dana on

I always wanted a huge family, since it was just me and my sister growing up. My husband and I knew we were going to have a family, we just didn’t know how many. He said 1 or 2, I was willing to settle on 4. Our first 2 were not planned, but we were thrilled and decided we were happy with just the 2. Then, other family members started having babies, as well as friends. Being around the baby boom lately, my husband and decided we were ready to add one more. We just found out last week that we are expecting baby number 3. We are so excited and can’t wait to have our hands full!

Katie on

For us, it was one part compromise and another part financial.

My husband would have probably stopped after our first, but I always wanted at least 3 children. We now have two daughters and have decided that’s a mutually acceptable number.

For me, a working mother, our decision to stop at two was definitely influenced by daycare costs. There would be no point for me to bother working if we had to pay for three children to be in daycare.

Sara Watson on

My whole life since i was about 16 (not that long lol im 22 now) I have said i wanted A Boy And a Girl..

BUT now watching my two kids grow up i really want another boy

so Three total!

Jess from Ohio on

I am not a mom yet (I’m 18) but I have thought about this a lot. I will probably have two or three because I feel that is the amount I will most likely be able to afford. And I think that two or three is an amount where I can offer individual attention to each one. But only time will tell, since I haven’t even met my baby’s father yet and he might want a say ;P

jeanne on

I have 6 kids we thought we would have one more after number 4 and call it quits at 5 but 5 turned into 6 with identical twins–now we are done–twins is hard, hard, hard as for me there is not as much enjoyment with two at once there is more just getting through the day–so all said and done with 6.

Dianne on

We only have one son, not by choice. I call him my only good egg and he’s a gem. Can’t imagine life without him. I use to wonder why some people can have so many children, and me only one. Now I know I have been blessed to be the mom of an only and I could use all my early childhood education (my college major)on him. He’s 22 now and is a ‘B’ student at PSU. (His dad is an only too!)

Kay on

My husband and I both come from large families and both knew that we wanted that for our children. He is one of 5, I’m one of 6, so we figured 3, see how we did, and then go for four! Well, the fourth ended up being two peas in a pod (twins) and we have five- three girls and two boys! Our house is a zoo with five kids between the ages of 1-8, but we wouldn’t have it any other way! But we’re so done!

Kay

Christine on

When my husband and I “planned” the number of children, we thought about 4-5, one at a time. ;) My first pregnancy turned out to be twins! Now the twins are 4 years old, and we’re hoping to get pregnant again. If its another set of twins, we’re done. If its just one, we’ll see how it goes and perhaps have more.

ErykaWynter on

I am an only child and always knew that if I had a baby, I would have just one. My parents and I are still extremely close and I think I had a fantastic childhood, lots of friends, etc. I have one daughter and I do not wish to have any more children.

exile on mom street on

I have one child via adoption, a son, and have tried twice since his adoption to adopt again, but no luck.

We have been matched with birthmothers who ended up changing their minds after the baby was born (and they had gotten lots of our money).

So while I am an only child who swore that she would never have an only child, that might end up being my reality unless something unexpectedly wonderful happens for us in the adoption world.

Sigh.

Carrie on

My daughters are 10 and 8, after being told at 16 I couldn’t have children I found myself pregnant with number 1 at 18! After a messy divorce I had number two with my now 2nd husband, at the age of 21! I would love one more but not sure of going back to sleepless nights again, after finally going back to work, and my husband is quite happy with the two girls, I still wish sometimes for maybe a little boy though :)

Christine on

We decided 2 was a good even number after our second son was born in 2002. (18 mos after our first)

In April 2006 we found out we were unexpectedly expecting. So our daughter, who turns 2 next month, decided that she would be our third (AND LAST!!!) baby.

We call her our “bonus baby”!!!

Tracey on

As you say this is a very personal decision. I find it very odd how people feel at ease casting judgment on people’s choices be they 1 or 4. Not that any of you ladies seem to be casting judgment but people who barely know and asking if you are done with 4 or assuming you are going for a girl since you have had all boys.

Amanda on

I always thought I’d have 2 – and hoped for girls. Once I had my nephews though – I knew I’d love having a boy. I may never be able to have children, so if I had one I would be beyond thrilled with that. I know there is benefits to having siblings but whenever I watch a couple of my nephews/niece together I always feel like one isn’t getting enough attention.. so for me I’m good with one but if they were a little older and I was blessed with another – that might work too. I love kids but I’m always having another nephew or niece so I think one is good =)

sil on

I always wanted a large family, like 4 – 5 kids, but now i’ve changed my mind, i live far from my family, so i don’t have too much help, now we are expecting girl number 2 :) and this will be the last. (well who knows….i’m only 30 years old, so maybe we can change our minds! we still have a few years to think about it)

dawn on

let me staryt buy saying, celebrity babies.com looks so NICE!!! it was worth the wait.

second, I didn’t really decide I want to have one,two,or three kids by such and such age. matter of fact,i really didn’t want kids when i was younger. but i had my first at 17,and second at 18. I’m married now with two more after 9 years! It couldn’t have happened more perfect. every now and then I get the “urge” to have another. but My husband and I decided that financially and health wise (pertaining to me) we couldn’t have another at this moment. so we decided he should get sterilized…I’m happy we’re i’m at right now. and wouldn’t change it for the world! I was adopted so I’d like to give that chance to another child.

Leah on

We want at least 4 – and have since before we were married. After our son was born I wanted to get pregnant again right away (hormones, I think) but we waited til he turned 2 and got pregnant again…now our daughther is 2 months – we like our family of 4 but we definitely both want more! I’m not sure if I’ll wait 2 years or more for the next (we’ve got time on our side, we started our family “young” by today’s standards) but I definitely want more children in my life. They are the most amazing little creatures and I feel so fulfilled watching them grow, and helping them become little people in this world.

impoguemahone on

We have 11 kids. We have always been open to offering, and not denying, new life each month. We are pro-life orthodox Catholics and we leave it up to God how many kids we’ll have. Whatever is His will, we go with it; as my husband says “God sends them, we keep them”.

Michelle on

We were debating between two and three. But after our second child was born, we were very content just having two. We’re not outnumbered by the kids. :) If I were to have a suprise pregnancy or something like that, we wouldn’t be disappointed though. I love being a mom. :)

jen on

We have an only and couldn’t imagine it any other way. Before having her, we thought maybe two, but it was never definitive. It was an emotional and financial decision. I vowed I would never be a “pulling my hair out, nagging, stressed out mom” and with one, it’s just so much fun! We can go anywhere and not worry about diapers and snacks for little ones, and focus on our time together. For the husband, he wanted private school and to be able to cover her college education and with one it makes so much more sense. We have a large extended family and many dear friends so there’s no shortage of playmates :)

Artemis on

I definitely want at least two, I think one kid would be lonely and get a wrong sense of things since he/she is the only focus at home. At the same time I want a very big family of 9 kids!
I want to adopt them, so they can vary in age and not all be infants.

Hansmom on

I always wanted 3 but because of fertility issues we only have one. We love our little princess. She has plenty of playmates and gets to do a lot of traveling. My husband and I have discussed going through IVF again to have a second child but it is so emotionally, financailly and physically draining that we have decided to stay a family of three and we are happy with that.

MoreThanAMommyBlog on

I have always wanted a big family and my husband has always been undecided. We had two “surprises” in a row. Our daughters are 1 and 2 now, and so much fun! We are looking forward to having a third, and actually planning it, in 3 or 4 years. After that, I think we’ll be done with pregnancy, but we may adopt one more at some point.

ErykaWynter on

jen – you PERFECTLY described why I LOVE having an only. Thank you!

Jessica on

Whatever size a family decides to be is the one that is right for them. Now that my daughter is two, people are constantly asking us when we’ll have another. We’re very happy with the size of our family, and I wish relatives would stop pressuring us to have more. Kids are not potato chips – you can stop at just one and still be fulfilled.

Sharon on

We have one (a daughter who is almost 2) and would like one more in 1-2 years. It has taken us this long to get our energy back, and we would like to move before having another baby.

Amandamay on

Artemis – I hope you’re not saying that only children are spoiled, egocentric brats because they “get a wrong sense of things since he/she is the only focus at home.” ??? I hate that stereotype! I have an “only” (6 years old) NOT by choice and had always wanted more, fearing the dreaded “only child syndrome” (the old wives’ tale) but now after raising an “only” and doing research on it (And both my grandparents were only children) I’ve learned that quite the opposite is true. “Only” kids get more attention, help with homework, one on one time with parents… Yes, there can be bratty “only” kids, but the same is true for kids with siblings! Depends on the parents/parenting. My son is kind, polite, empathetic, patient…Not bratty or spoiled at all. This I think is partly due to his personality and partly due to the way I have raised him (I’m rather traditional and believe in manners, respecting elders, helping others etc) And my friends with “only” children have delightful, well behaved, sweet kids as well. As long as you have other kids (relatives/neighbors/play groups etc) around for socialization skills at an early age, having an only child is a great thing! I love that I ended up with an only child and wouldn’t have it any other way :-)

Ali on

I am having this dilemma with myself at this time so it is funny that this topic came up! I have an 18 month old son and I love him to pieces but I think I have cold feet about adding another. I am afraid of not being able to handle more than one…I am afraid of another one adding stress financially, and emotionally but then again I am afraid that one day I might regret not having another. I think we will put it off another year and then re-evaluate where we are.

Michelle on

My husband always says (jokingly) that he’ll take as many as we can get, and I always joke back that we can’t afford any, so what difference does it make? I’ve always sort of thought we’d have 4, but figure we’ll take it one (or two, if that should happen) at a time. I like the idea of having an even number, so everyone can pair off, although I realize that may not happen, at least it’s a possibility for the siblings. We have 2 boys and are expecting #3 (delivery surprise) in April, so we’ll probably see how the next year or two go before making any decisions.

impoguemahone on

I forgot to mention another deciding factor as to why we have 11 kids(ages 19 years to 21 months old) is I am an only child and I was always very lonely and I swore when I grew up I’d have lots of kids; I always felt in my heart I’d have 4; 2 boys and 2 girls….and I DID; our first 4 were 2 of each….but then they kept on coming! :)It contributed to my being a stay-at-home mother as well as from 6 weeks old to age 11 years old I was farmed out to daycare and raised by strangers and I hated it, and I decided I wouldn’t do that to my own kids.Now my kids are growing up the opposite I did.

Nicola on

We both agreed on one and only one. I love to travel, I love my career as a scientist, I love playing music, and I love time with my husband. We knew that we could add one child to the mix, become a close and loving family, but without having to give up our sanity and quality of life. My husband is all about private education, giving our son all of the opportunities that he didn’t have growing up (sports, music, vacations), and we can afford to do that. With one. He will be 5 in February and we have such an easy and wonderful life together. I see my friends who decided to add more to their families and their lives are nothing like ours. I feel especially bad for their older child (who would be my son’s age) always having to cater to the baby or toddler in the house. They don’t get the opportunities that my son gets, nor do they get the one on one time with mom and dad. Some people are all about the large family, but we were all about a peaceful and happy family unit, a childhood for our son that we will all cherish and appreciate. For us, one child worked best.

Lorian on

I have always wanted to have 4 children, and luckily my husband likes the idea as well. But I didn’t marry until I was 32 and didn’t have my first until 34. So I didn’t think it would happen, but as it turns out we currently have 2 boys, ages 3 & 5, with a delivery surprise expected next month, two weeks before my 40th birthday. I am healthy and my pregnancies have always been pretty easy, so the 4th baby may be a possibility after all!

Tanya on

I want at least one child,preferably a little boy.And if I`m going to be a single mom raising my child alone I`ll probably only have one. But if I`m lucky to find a husband or steady boyfriend in the future I think we`ll have maybe three kids.
So I`ll be happy with anywhere between one and three kids.

Angelika on

We have one and I am 98% sure we are done. Things might change in a few years (he is only 18 months old right now) but I had a rough pregnancy and can’t imagine going through that again with a child to care for…plus, I don’t know how people afford such large families. I would rather do it “right” with just the one!

Mary on

Impoguemahone-
I totally agree! As many as God will give us! I don’t think you should plan it, and I never think you should kill a child! I am not against any of you, just my own opinion!

Hannah on

I have two arms, therefore I will have two children. Haha! Plus, there are two of us, myself and my husband, so they can never outnumber us.

We are pregnant, due in March, with our second son. When we started having children we always said two or three and that if we had two of one sex, we would try once more for what we didn’t already have. Now that I’m pregnant and chasing a busy toddler, I think two boys sounds just fine. Ha! I can’t imagine going through pregnancy again. And I’m really looking forward to being just 25 and done having kids. I like to think about the days after they are both in college, I’m barely into my mid-40s and have all of this time and energy to do stuff for myself and my hubby.

dawn on

impoguemahone, bless you for having 11 kids. I have 5 altogether (one step) and the little ones can be a handful sometimes…they are busy i tell ya!

JM on

I don’t have kids yet. But I do watch a 10 month old and a 4 year old FULL time and it’s ALOT of work!! So the thought of children is fascinating but the reality is not! I’ll just wait and see what happens after number one. If all goes well maybe a number 2 will happen. I know many families with one child and are fine with that. USually though they can’t get pregnant again or they had complications with baby #1 and have opted out of going through it again. But I also know families who feel they financially can only afford one child and that’s why they’ve decided to stop. I’d rather have one child and live comfortably then a household of kids and be struggling.

Paula on

We have one child and would like to add a second, but at my age (42) we are not holding out breath! We have no qualms about having an “only” but both my husband and I have great relationships with our siblings and would love our daughter to have the same thing. We think it would be especially nice for her since we are both in our 40s and she is only two, so she will be alone after we are gone.

Shelby on

Although I’m 21 and not ready for children yet (have to find that husband first :D I honestly would be extremely happy to be blessed with any children but in my heart know that I will have children whether biologically or through adoption. My mother was told she would never have children but had 3 of us so medically I may have similar issues. There is something in my heart about 5 or 6 but realistically that may not be feasible. My “ideal” situation would be to have 3 biological children relatively close in age and then adopt 1 or 2 more when those children are all in elementary school. Again, that decision is not up to me but to God’s blessings!

Sara on

We always said three. It just seemed what was right for us. I grew up with one sibling and would have loved more, my husband grew up with two siblings and loved it… so we chose three. We have a 6 year old boy and 2 1/2 year old girl and a 10 month old baby boy. Everyone was confused as to why we wanted one more child when we had a boy and a girl already… the typical “all-american family”. Well, we did what was right for us! With each child I get more patience, more understanding of what family is and what makes us a “family” and now I want one more! We’ll see though…

All we knew is that we did not want an only child. My best friend is an only child and when her parents get older all the responsibility is on her, she has no life-long friends in siblings and will have to bear anything on her own. And “giving your child the best” is a matter of opinion. Some think that private schools and cars for 16th b-day’s are “the best” and for others, it is giving life long companions of siblings, Christmas times full of multiple giggles, many feet running into our rooms on the weekends. THAT is what we love, and what we have.

Mary on

1 more thing I forgot to say-
Nobody is ever unhappy to have a baby. So when people say, “We’re done,” to me, I get a little upset because babies are such blessings and some people don’t get to have any children. Not being rude, (or at least trying not to be!)

Sonia on

I grew up as an only child. I thought I would have one to two children. After getting married my husband and I found out that I was unable to concieve a baby. After getting over the shock and grief of it all we both decided that adoption would be our way to get the small perfect family that we wanted. We did 2 international adoptions over 10 years a little boy and a baby girl. We thought we had a perfect family, we were happy. Then we heard of a special needs little boy who needed a loving home. Our world was turned upside down after we met him. And we just felt in our hearts that this was the right thing for us to do. We went from a perfect family of 4 to a Joyful amazing family of 5 but our family still didn’t feel complete. I think for all mothers on here you know in your heart when it’s filled to the brink with love. And mine just wasnt, So my husband and I are in the process of adopting another baby boy with downsyndrome who was abandoned by his mother. With him home with us my heart now is complete and I can say that I am done having children. Life doesn’t always turn out how we planned it but it does turn out perfect for each and every one of us.

Lorelei on

We talked about three children before we were married. I was 30 when we married and my husband 28. I had a miscarriage, then my first child a boy at 33, my daughter at 35 and my son at 36. I definitely knew we were done after 3. Children are a blessing, but financially, physically, and emotionally three was what suited our family.

Liz on

I love what Sonia has said. We have 2. I always knew I wanted at least that much. My parents are only children. My husband is an only child. I see the trials and tribulations that often come with that status. I am one of 5 and knew I wanted a sibling relationship for my children. We aren’t sure if we are done or not. But I agree with previous posters, I find the two I have to be a blessing and would find any more children that, as well.

danny on

Well, I have no cousins and 2 older siblings, so I didn’t exactly grow up surrounded by kids. So, I want to have as many kids as I (reasonably) can. Kids should have other close kids to play with! I’m thinking 4 or 5, but that’d be just too lucky. I do think about the money, but I think we could make it work. Anyway, if I only can have one I’d be more than happy.

Terri on

I’d like to have two.

Kait on

Six weeks ago we unexpectedly got a call to adopt two little girls, so we’re currently parents to two under two. But that’s fine because my husband and I have both wanted large families – I keep pushing for 5 to 7!

Sharon on

We have 5 beautiful children, ages 8, 11, 13, 15, 20. It is the most wonderful loving family ever. We have a saying at our house “Friends come and go but Family is forever” Our children are best friends and it is wonderful. The younger years were crazy at times, but time flies and now here they are all growing up on me.

Hayley on

I have one boy, almost 3, and I definately wanted more but having just started a new job and not being financially stable just yet, I feel it is too soon. However, I wouldn’t want a massive age gap between them so i’ll have to be making some decisions pretty soon!!

Megan on

I would love to have a huge family like the Duggars, but my husband says we’re stopping at 4. I’m currently pregnant with #2.

Sadie on

Sonia, your post made me cry! You put that so beautifully and I congratulate you and your husband for being so open-minded – it sounds like your life has been richly rewarded with the addition of your little boy.
Me – I always thought one or two but was told we couldn’t conceive. Went through IVF to have my son, who has just turned one. But when he was 5 months old, found out I was pregnant with twin girls… who will arrive sometime in the next 7 weeks!
I was devastated at first, as I am very career minded and also wanted “the best” for my son, that being private school education and world trips etc etc. After watching my social little boy grow up this year, I have changed my mind as to what “the best” means. Alas there will be no private school educations and few overseas holidays, but he will grow up as a “tribe” and there will always be plenty of chaos and love and sharing and laughter and fighting in our house. It may be a headache (financial and otherwise!) for my husband and I, who love peace and quiet and a tidy house, but I’m sure the kids will love it.
I grew up as one of three and always wanted to be an only child. Now I am 32, I am so grateful for my brother and sister, to whom I am extremely close, and only wish I had more.

Lyns on

We always wanted a big family, I have 3 siblings and my husband has 4, so we always knew our family was going to be big ( if god wanted that for us…)our first son was born 9 years ago, 2 years after that I got pregnant with our second son, 13 months later our 3th son was born, At that time we were moving from the east to the west coast to set up a business, after that was up and running and normal life took over again I found out I was pregnant again with son number 4, born 2 years ago.. at that point we actually thought our family was complete, until I found out 7 month ago that I was pregnant again, and the next big shock came after that when we found out I was carrying twins… I’m due mid January, and after 4 boys we will have 2 girls now!! our family is REALLY complete now..

Bells on

My husband is an only and I’m one of three (and to be honest he’s better at sharing than I am!) and we have tentatively agreed on four–we both want a large family and neither of us have that. We have two boys, 32 months and 8 weeks, and though I never understood people just wanting two, I think I could be happy with two for so many reasons. We’re planning a 3-4 year gap before having another two, but we’ll see what happens. We have a heart for adoption, so we may not have another biological child.

Diva on

I keep hearing “financially stable”..is anyone ever REALLY financially stable? You pay a mortgage on your house (usually a 20-30 year mortgage) so the house isnt REALLY yours till you pay it off. If something happens between that time like losing a job and you cant pay your mortgage, etc, your really screwed even if you have kids or not! There isnt anything wrong with renting a place and not sending your kids to private schools. As long as you can feed them, clothe them, put a roof over their heads, love in their hearts, and knowledge in their heads, thats all ya need!

I am nowhere near financially stable and I have 1 child. I want (and will have) 2. Thats all I can give attention to. I may lose some jobs..lots of ppl do. If your rich, your kids arent guarenteed to be happier. I grew up middle class (on the verge of poor) and me and my 3 sibs were happy just running around the neighborhood with the neighborhood kids playing hide n seek, tag, telling secrets, etc…

Everyone (who wants too) should get to experience motherhood without worrying about owning a home as opposed to renting. Im not saying a hobo should have a kid, but someone who works at Burger King and has to do that for the rest of their lives shouldnt rule out children if they want one! There are plenty of programs out there to help too. And you can always find jobs, even if its not a good one, as long as u get money.

Julie on

We have always wanted a large family – but wouldn’t put a specific number on it. Just whatever feels right. We have three so far, a four-year-old girl and two-year-old boy/girl twins. The first three came very fast so we are waiting a while to have another. I love watching my kids play together, vacationing and going out to do fun things. My main motivation for having a large family is just to have fun! Especially when they get older, I’m so glad they’ll have siblings, neices, nephews, and a big family to enjoy.

To each their own – I have no problem with those who have one, or no children.

But I will say that the Mom who wrote this is very wrong. “I see my friends who decided to add more to their families and their lives are nothing like ours. I feel especially bad for their older child (who would be my son’s age) always having to cater to the baby or toddler in the house. They don’t get the opportunities that my son gets, nor do they get the one on one time with mom and dad.”

Don’t feel sorry for people who made a different decision than you. Some people value different things in life and you shouldn’t feel sorry for them because they chose to have more than one child. Nor should you feel sorry for the children – I’m sure they are just fine.

UggaMugga.com on

My husband and I both have one sibling so we always said we’d be comfortable having 2 children. But after 2, I just felt like someone was missing so we decided to have a third. We thought 100% that our family would be complete then, especially because pregnancies are difficult for me due to my heart condition. However, since our third was born 5 weeks ago, I keep looking at my husband and saying, “I think we should have one more baby.”

We’ll see what God brings our way in the coming years…

Mrs. R. on

we have one and one on the way. We had talked about having 3, but I think we’ll take it as it comes. I had always wanted a big family… but now I’m not so sure I want the reality that comes with the fantasy of having 4 or more kids. I’ll have to see in a few years how I feel.

Ally on

I want at least six. If I have to go and live on a ranch or something, I’ll still want six.

Tearna on

i was married when i was 20 and my husband and i were not planning on having kids until we were older but on our honey moon i feel pregnant. We were so excited and thrilled also shocked seeing i was on the pill. i had a beautiful baby girl when i turned 21. We never realy planned on having any more for a while but when my baby girl was 4 months old i found out that 1 was 5 weeks pregnant. And boy were we shocked to find that out. So ihad the iud rod put in my arm because i was also on the pill with my second Who was a boy. The when he was two my husband and i decided to have another but it was just not happening i had has 2 miscarriages were i nearly died because of blood loss. we were deviated but thought things happen for a reason. I had not been feeling that well for about 6 to seven months after my miscarriage and my periods were really heavy so i went to the doctors and they rang some blood tests and it did and ultra sound in case had a tumor or a sits. It turned out that i was 6 1/2 months pregnant and i had no idea we were so happy and we had another baby boy. a few year after he was born in 2007 we had another beautiful baby which turned out to be a girl we so over the moon and happy because we had 2 of each and that was perfect us so while having a ceaser with my last baby i had my tube cut and tied because now we have a perfect family

Christine on

Mary,
No offence taken but when I say “I’m done!” I mean it. In the best interest of my children, my marriage and my state of mind – we are done.
My second was born with a birth injury and has some significant developmental delays and my daughter (third child) was born with a vascular tumour that led to many medical complications her first year of life.
I agree that children are a blessing, but there is only so much my mental health can take while raising 3 children – 2 with special needs.
I wish I were better able to cope and have more children – but on the other hand I feel like my family is pretty perfect just as we are!!

Maddie on

I don’t have any children yet (but am an early childhood teacher, so in part I understand the reality of dealing with many small children), but would love to have 3 or 4. I grew up with a large extended family, and would love that for my child. I love my job, and I love taking joy in other people’s children – but its so nice to come home to a quiet child free house! I want children, but know I’m not ready yet. Have to find the baby daddy first, of course :)

Fergette on

My husband and I have been waiting to start our family until I graduated with by BA. I just finished and now I’m getting the itch to try (need to find a stable full time job first though). We both want at least two. He wants to stop at two but I’d like to consider a third, especially if we have two of the same gender first. I’ll be happy with whatever I get though. I do know I’d like to have at least the two though. Both my husband and I grew up with one sibling who was 8-9 years apart from us. It was like being an only child and we want our kids to have the sibling experience. We’d like to have them about 2 years apart. Hopefully soon a job will come rolling my way and we can get to the amazing work of making a family. :)

Angela Lake on

I always wanted a big family, I grew up with a big brother, and my parents each had a brother, and each of them had two girls and a boy, so I have 6 cousins in total. Four and a half years ago at the age of twenty I went through ovarian cancer, I still could have children, but it maybe very difficult, I am open to adoption, but would love to have just one biological child. I would love to have five or six kids, when I find mister right

Chanel on

At 20 years old, I know children won’t play a big part in my life for a few years from now until I am financially stable and married. When that time does come, I have always dreamed on having 4 children.

My parents waited 9 years before they gave me a sibiling. Although my brother & I are close its kind of feels like I’m a second parent to him because of the age difference & I wish that we had more younger siblings. I have a few cousins but we aren’t as close as we used to be.

However recently due to some health issues I was told that I may have a hard time becoming pregnant in life so whatever comes my way I will be happy but I would love for my future children to have close relationships

r9lee on

I haven’t had any yet but I would love to have 2… 3 or 5 yrs apart. Hoping when it’s time to help pay for tuition, it isn’t going to kill me…

Amanda on

We want 2, which we have, though our son was a miscarriage, so we’re planning on having our third child in 2010. I’ve always wanted 2 kids, just like my family, because I love it so much. Also, I know that I could not physically handle raising more than 2 children because of my health. I stay home full-time, and I know that more than 2 little ones running around the house would be too much for my body. I don’t want to be incapable of caring for our children the way I want to because of my health. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.

Now, if the Lord sees fit that our next pregnancy results in multiples, then we will welcome them into our lives without question. I believe that if that happens, He would supply us with the strength and help we would need, physically and financially.

Adele on

I think sometimes Fate decides that for you. I have 4. I didn’t plan on 4. I always thought 2 or 3. When I got pregnant in my 2nd pregnancy my husband thought that was it.I thought “maybe this is it”. Then we found out that I was pregnant with TRIPLETS—so, 4 kids it was and last pregnancy for sure.

Gianna on

I always wanted 2-3 children, I always said at least 2 and if I want a bit of a bigger family 3 would be perfect. My partner is one out of 3 children and i’m one out of two children, so we agreeded from the start that was a good number. Most of my friends and family members have about 2-3 also, the way the economy is now, that’s about the amount of kids the average family has because you gotta pay for schools, clothes, soccer, baseball, dance practice, vacations, etc. Some people are happy with one child, while others don’t feel complete until they have 5 kids, so it’s a personal decision.

Candace on

I grew up in a family of with four children and I always felt like our family needed one more. My husband is one of 7 children.

My husband and I now have 2 children and definitely aren’t done. I had previously thought that I’d put the “cap” at 5 or 6, but I feel like I’d just like to take it one at a time. Maybe we’ll stop at 4, maybe 8. I don’t know.

I just feel very strongly that I won’t ever REGRET bringing a child into the world.

Cat on

Although I agree that this is a very personal decision, I have to say that there is nothing like a sibling to bond with. I had lots of close cousins and friends, but my sisters have always been my best friends. When my closest sister died, the void she left could never be filled through extended family or any opportunities I might have been afforded if I’d been an only. I’ve detected some smugness among some of the “Only” comments and it really makes me sad that these kids are being denied the incredible relationship that only a sibling can provide for the sake of private school or some other monetary extravagance. There are many reasons to stick to one child, but really, don’t get on your high horse about the opportunities you can now give your children because you don’t have more little ones holding you all back. Hearing my girls squeal together as they play dress up is worth more to me (and them) than the umpteenth activity of the year.

Tiffany on

I am only child (via adoption) and I was raised by a single parent(my mom). So I wanted just one child also “most likely adopted” but my mom who came from a large family wants a lot of grandbabies. So I am somewhere between two or four and since I have no threshold for pain they will all be adopted and mostly likely all girls.(Only because I have names picked out for them) but I am only twenty and I have time on my side to change my mind… who knows.

Sonia on

It’s amazing reading these posts how many of you thought that you were done after however many children, like myself, and find your self expecting another child or accepting one into your life. It’s spectacular to see how much our hearts can grow for our children. We may have those expectations for our lives of how many children we’d like to have. But for some of us if we really had stopped at that number we would be missing out on those other amazing blessings that came into our lives, and looking back I’m sure none of us would ever want to live without a single one of them. Just goes to show how unpredictable life really is, and life can give us something better than we ever expected.

Nicole on

Although I am not a mother, I do have some insight. Both my mother and father are only children. As a result we have a very small close family. My parents had 3 children: myself, my brother and sister. They always said that they hated being only children and wanted us to have each other. I never really understood this until my grandparents started to pass away. I’m sure this is something no one comes to this blog to think about, but watching my parents do everything for my sick grandparents alone and have no one to truly share it with is heartbreaking. My siblings and I would help of course, but we never could really understand. I know that I want two children in the future for this reason. I agree that it is a personal choice but I hope this comment could give someone another perspective.

TIffany on

We originally only wanted two, but when we got pregnant with our second, we found out we are having twins!! Hahaha! Well, so much for plans…. :)

Elyse on

I have always wanted just 2 kids. I have one other sibling and I have always felt two is a good number. Who knows though when I meet my special someone it could be 1, 2, 3… lol.

renee on

Well, if I had a boy then a girl, we’d be done. If not, I’d go for four total then we’re done hah

eva on

I have a 9 yrs old.When my husband was alive we thought we would have one more,however,our present financial situation and the fact that I’ve no one to make a baby with changed my plans and K is going to stay an only child.I have nine brothers and sisters so she’s not short of cousins but I know she would love to have a baby sibling of her own.One little lady however is a BIG change from the time when I didn’t want to have children at all.

Corinne on

As a teenager I wanted to have 5 or 6 children, then I met my husband and we decided on three or four.
We struggled to get pregnant with our son Magnus for over 18 months. And even though we are sure that we want more than one child, we will leave the number to fate.

samsmom on

When we married, we decided we would have 3 children and would have a 4th if we could afford it. However, after many miscarriages both before and after our son’ birth, my body decided that it would only be one.

Lis on

First I have to say that I just love Christine’s comment:
“We call her our “bonus baby”!!!”
That is so cute! Not an “accident”, a “bonus baby” – I’ll have to remember that one :)

Second, I love, love, love babies. I have wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl. I have always wanted 5. My huband and I haven’t started our family yet (we would like to get settled into a house, and make a little more money, so I can stay home part time), but he wants 3, and I really feel the desire to have at least 4, preferrably 2 boys and 2 girls :) So we shall see where we end up?! After reading through some of the posts, I can see that your “plan” only will take you so far!!

But I still think 4!! haha!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE EVERYONE!

Rachel on

I have two boys (age 2 and 6 months)and both were “surprises”. So many people think we are rediculous for even thinking about having another one, but we know that we want more, and we want them to be close in age. We are young parents (I’m 24 , DH is 27) but we LOVE our kiddos to death! We don’t feel like we are “missing out” or “too busy” with two–so mostly likely we’ll try again this summer/fall for another one. I think 3 will be our magic number, but DH always says, “I wouldn’t mind another surprise or two after the next one..” I would love to have a girl, but will be happy with whatever God blesses us with!

Rose on

impoguemahone: I know what you are saying and i agree with you, that was my mothers family (10 kids) and my best friends families (9 kids belief, god is the one who decides the amount of children you have. Also, I laughed when i read your screen name, pogue mahone, was that intentional (i am guessing it probably was since those are unique words) i am guessing you are irish (like me)?
pogue mahone means ‘kiss my arse’ in irish gaelic.

Jessica on

With the cost of living rising I say one. Kids (1 or 20) are a handful and I think I will be content with 1 child (adopt or bio).

busybee29 on

I don’t have kids yet, but at 29 hope to have them soon. I used to think that I wanted 5. I still do, but at the age I am now and just now getting a college degree, I really don’t think that I want to give birth to 5 kids!! I will probably only have 2 or 3 myself and I do plan to adopt in the future when I am done with college and settled in a new career. My mom lives with me and is a great support. She was an only child and I am one of 2 and mom wishes I would only have 1, but I have always had a strong desire to have a larger family, so I will probably end up with at least 5 kids anyway. I want at least 1 biological kid, but want to adopt out of foster care. There are so many kids that deserve a loving home.

Megan on

I always wanted just one – a girl. But then I got pregnant (on birth control, no less) with identical twin boys, and I’m back and forth deciding whether I want one more. Hubby says no, he also has a son from his college days who is almost 18, so he feels too old to have more. The twins just turned 4. I’ll be 30 in March so I’m feeling the time creeping up, I ought to decide, but I had a rough pregnancy and then wound up in an emergency c-section with eclampsia, and maybe it’s not a good idea to get pregnant again because of all that… Ugh such decisions. I am really glad to have had twins first off, they have such an amazing relationship. They’re so close, just best of friends. Some days I do still think I want a daughter, but I’m pretty tired already haha.

bgirlsquirrel on

We stopped at two. The age gap between my children is pretty large, 7 yrs, and I did not plan that that way. My son was not planned and I dont think I was ready to have him when I did, but he is one of the best things that ever happened to me. When we decied to try for a second, I had so many problems getting pregnant, and when I finally did get pregnant, it was the most nerve wracking exeperience ever, with my daughter coming three weeks early. My pregnancy with my daughter was so difficult, from getting pregnant to her first week in the NICU, we just decided that we were blessed enough and are so thankful we have our children. If I was better at being pregnant, a third child would definetly be an option, but it is not going to happen. In reading other’s comments, sometimes there are aspects of having only one that I miss, but my daughter totally completes our family and has brought so much more joy to us, that I am so very thankful to have my two beautiful babies.

Philippa on

I’m 20 and I’m an only child, and even though I’ve got the most loving parents and 3 lovely cousins I was very close with when growing up, I always felt that something was missing.
So from an early age I’ve decided that I want more than 1 child myself. When I was younger I thought I’d like to have 4 or 5, but no I think that when the time’s right in a few years time, I’d like to have 2 or possibly 3. I would just like to see my children growing up together, instead of alone like me.
Not that I was ever bored or anything. I got a lot of love and attention from my parents, but there’s nobody to share childhood memories with.
I also know I want to have at least 1 biological child, but I’d love to adopt too.

Leila on

Since I was a little girl I had always dreamed of 3-6 children, even growing up my mind never changed. I knew that 2-3 I would have, and 2 would be adopted. I never changed my mind to this day.

I have been married for 13 years to my husband David and now have 5 beautiful children and still we do not know what the future hold for our expanding family.

Emeri Grace is 11 and is our first, Jace Alexander is 8 and is our second, Natalie Isabelle & Sofia Jolie are our 4 year old indentical twins adopted from Ireland, and than baby Callum David.

MerHart on

It wasn’t really our choice — “Life or death” pregnancies have forced us to stop at two biological children. I had severe PreEclampsia and HELLP syndrome with both of my pregnancies (which were very close together due to birth control failure). My son was born via emergency C-section at only 30 weeks (ok now after 9 weeks in the NICU) because I was starting to have seizures, and my daughter was born 11 month later at 33 weeks because I developed pulmonary edema and my lungs were failing.

We NEVER thought any of this could I happen — I was a very healthy and active person before my pregnancies, and we planned on having a whole host of little people running around. But pregnancy means months of bedrest, long hospital stays, and takes a horrible toll on my body. We’ve been lucky so far, but a lot of women with these conditions deliver stillborn children or die themselves, and I don’t want to leave my children without a mother or my husband without a wife.

So um.. yeah. That’s why we’re stopping at 2. We’re both still in our twenties, and once we both hit 30 we’d like to look into adopting an older child. I always saw myself with AT LEAST 3, and I still feel like there’s another kid out there for us.

Annie on

I always thought I wanted 3 or 4. This was before I had any. We have 1 daughter, 13 months old, and I can honestly say I have no idea how many we will end up with. I know that I am not ready for more now. Neither is my husband. I do want for her to have a sibling but am not sure I can handle the demands of 2 tiny ones. Being that we are in our 30’s…who knows how it will play out! If we were unable to have more, we would be perfectly happy with 1. And if we decide, and are able, to have a second or third then we will be happy with that. I’ve learned that such things aren’t necessarily planned – sometimes babies come when you thought they couldn’t and sometimes you aren’t able to conceive. It’s just up to a power higher than any of us!

gwg on

Exile On Mom Street –

I am so sorry that your adoptions have fallen through – it must be so sad for your family. However; being a child who was forcibly removed from her birth mother – I believe strongly that a parent/s should be given all the freedom and support in the world to make decisions regarding the care of their child. The alternative, while devestating for a potential adoptive family, has horrific consequences for the birth relatives.

I have one child and wish with all my spirit that one day I may be blessed with another precious soul to guide through the maze of the world.

Jane on

I currently have 4 children (3 girls,1 boy). I am now pregnant (due mid February) with triplets!!! Orginally, my husband only wanted 2 children, but God gave us the lively gift of 5 more. Also, an adpotion is in the works for us. We dont feel done.

camille on

i’m an only daughter and i will love to have just one daughter someday, and yes, sometimes when you’re little you wish to have one sibling because you feel a bit lonely, but when i grew up and saw my friends have problems with their siblings and with their parents because of it, i considered myself lucky to be an only child, and to have my mother which i have a more profund relationship than the rest of them.

Hannah on

jane u have a lot of kids congrats!

Taylor on

Ok, so orginally I wanted 4 kids ever since I was a little girl. However, my husband only wants 3. Luckly for me, I already have 2 children– ages 6 and 13 (my oldest was adopted). I am currently pregsnt with twins (!!) this time. My birthday was just the other day, and my husband then told me that he was in the process of adpoting another child. So, hopefully this adpotion will be sucessful, so I will have my wish of 5 children!

Taylor, North Dakota

Julia on

I always wanted a girl named Jenifer and a boy named Bradley. That wish was fufilled and I currently have 2 children named with the names above!! Also, I’m currently expecting 1 baby girl, who my husband and I will name Collen ( she is due any day now!!).

marjorie on

I always wanted a lot of kids, I am the oldest of 4, my parents have 5 and 9 siblings so there was always tons of cousins around.
However, after having our son (he’s now 18 months) my husband and I are pretty sure that one is enough for us.
Ideally I’d like him not to be an only child, but financially I just don’t see us having another for 2-3 years and by then I feel the age gap would be too great. We’ll have to see, but one is definitely enough for us right now.

Madison on

so I was an only child which I hated. My best friend and nieghbor had 10 siblings and I lived all the eximent i i im an only child i hated it so i loved goung over to my nieghbor who had 12 kids. I loved the exciment when going over there and wished I had that so I wanted a BIG family and so does my husband. I have 4 adopeted children and one birth child;5 in all (Allison 12, Marie 11, michelle 10, Andrew 14, Vivenne 13) and I am expecting twins any day now ( boy and girl whoes names are going to be jennifer and christopher) but we are
not done and we still have plans for more! I want atleast 2 more but my hubby wants 4…. We’ll see about that…….oh yeah I forgot to mention we r adopting a child in a few weeks….

Madison on

Sorry about my above comment and how I repeated a few things…. My computer wasnt showing me what I was writing… Lol srry

Amy on

We have always wanted 2 or 3, but that was before we realized, after surgeries and IVF’s, that I am not going to get pregnant. We have adopted one, and have been trying and trying to adopt again. I sure hope it happens, but there are no guarantees…

kay on

I have always wanted a big family, I have two wonderful daughters and another baby on the way. I would love to have at least one more. I myself have five siblings that are my best friends and I want my children to have the same.

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